Setting and Keeping Priorities

"Is it really business, family, God or is it God, family business?"

• Urban Meyer
  

Setting and Keeping Priorities

I got in my car Sunday night and began to back out of my garage in the cold, dark December night. As I coasted to the end of my driveway I reached over to turn the radio on. I thought it would be a chance for me to listen to some music during my sojourn to the airport to pick up my daughter.

I knew it had been a long day for her. Weather, just before the winter holiday traffic began, had caused flight delays and cancellations. She had been trying to leave New York for several days and finally took advantage of a small window of opportunity. Still, it hadn't been easy.

She had boarded the first plane only to sit on the tarmac for over an hour before it was announced that a mechanical problem was forcing a plane change. This delay was sure to cause a cascade of other challenges and we knew one of them was that she would miss her connecting flight. Still, she continued on, not knowing every obstacle she would face, but having faith that it would all work out in the end.

And it had worked out in the end. Here I was, on my way to relieve her from a fifteen hour journey that began on a train, was forever on airplanes, and would end in the comfort of a warm, welcoming car.

It was in the welcoming car that I heard the news that Urban Meyer had been having health problems and was taking a leave of absence from his coaching position at the University of Florida. Now, I normally don't give a second's thought to coaching changes, but I do follow news regarding Urban Meyer. After all, he taught me one of the great lessons of my life when he was at the University of Utah.

That lesson is: One man can make a huge difference. He can make a difference in a football program, a university, a community, in an individual and a family. I've watched him do it in Salt Lake City and in Gainesville while stating over and over again it isn't a coach that makes the difference, it's the program.

I continued listening to the radio program and heard Mr. Meyer say, "And then I'm a person of faith, and I just wanted to make sure I had my priorities straight. A lot of times coaches do not have their priorities straight. You put business before God and family, you have a problem."

I drove on, knowing that at least for this one night I had my priorities right. My daughter slid into my car, we talked and laughed, and drove home together. Our drive together was a small window of opportunity and I was taking advantage of it. I don't know all of the obstacles I'll face as I manager my program of priorities, but I'm more determined than ever to have my priorities right, and to have faith that everything will all work out in the end.

 

Unmasking

"We got two glow-in-the-dark masks."

• Michelle Fry
  

Unmasking

I knocked on the door not really knowing what to expect. I knew these people just a little bit; on the surface. That's a lot different from really knowing them. You know how it is, you think you know someone until you live with them and then you find out who they really are. And, I wasn't here to move in, but I was here to get to know these neighbors better; to try to remove their masks, if you know what I mean.

After all, we all wear masks for others to see. The truth is that I think almost everyone of us is afraid to show at least some people around us who we really are. We don't want people to think we're weak or not capable, or . . .? Well, you get the picture.

When the door opened, the interior of the home jumped out like a picture in a magazine. It was clean and well furnished, and the face greeting me was bright with a smile. The warmth of that smile and the home drew me in.

I could tell that the warmth I felt from these people was melting any masks away. I knew that mine had vanished as soon as I sat down. It was comfortable to be there and as we talked, our friendship was deepening. I could tell by the amount of laughter in the room.

"These people removed the masks within their family a long time ago. They know how to have a good time with each other. They know how to enjoy life as a family." I whispered with my inside voice.

"Tell him about the masks," Cory said.

"We got these two glow-in-the-dark masks and put them close to the light for a long time so they'd be real bright!" Michelle responded.

I watched Colton, their twenty-something son, squirm a little as his parents spun a tale of scaring him so badly one night that there wasn't a soul still sitting due to uncontrollable laughter.

When I was able to control my laughing again, this moment seemed to freeze, even in the warm glow of friendship. I saw the sparkle in each person's eyes. I noted everyone's lips drawn up toward their ears. I recognized the softness of love and caring in every face.

"No one can love and laugh like this with a mask on," I said to myself.

Love combined with laughter will always unmask loneliness and fear. Mixing them into your interactions will brighten your life and deepen your relationships. When you do, everyone around you will know they won't need to hide behind a mask any more. They'll recognize the genuine thing when they see it, and so will you.

The Gifts of Culture and Friendship

"What happened in that meeting?"

• Richard Porcelli
  

Giving and Receiving the Gifts of Culture and Friendship

I once worked in an office where people came from many countries. It made life so fresh and interesting! You can imagine the wonderful lessons I learned. We were from the four corners of the earth, The Sudan, Philippines, Pakistan, Lebanon, Palestine, Saudi Arabia and the United States all working together for a common cause.

There was also a lot of cause for miscommunication and misunderstanding. We all used English as our common tongue yet, we were from differing cultural and religious backgrounds. This all combined to make our interactions very interesting from time to time.

On one occasion our largest Client came over from the United States to spend some time working with us. So, in honor of his visit everyone worked hard to speak their very best English in all of our meetings. Still I'll never forget walking out of one particular meeting and having him pull me aside.

"What happened in that meeting?" said he.

I looked back at him with a confused look on my face saying, "Richard, the meeting was in English."

"That was English?" he replied.

All I could do at that point was to laugh boisterously. He then began to laugh as well. Those were times when I couldn't make many assumptions and I learned a lot.

I learned lots of lessons about accepting the way other people approach life and do things, while working in that office filled with wonderful people who talked and thought so differently than I did. So lately, when I've run in to a few people that have been so demanding, so commanding, about making sure that others see and do things in a way that matches their view of the world I've found myself beginning to bristle from their demeanor. When this happens, I've had to take a moment to relax and travel in my mind back to the Middle East and those days in a world of difference.

I see myself at my friend Jungee's birthday party thinking it was all wrong. Jungee had purchased his own birthday cake to share it with us, his friends. I had come not knowing it was a birthday party and I felt embarrassed that Jungee had purchased his own cake. I mentioned my feelings to another friend at the party and he was kind enough to teach me, to shift from my view to that of my friend.

"In our culture a person always provides his own birthday cake. It shows he has taken responsibility for his own life and he chooses to share it with his friends and family." He taught.

What a gift it is to receive knowledge and friendship from peoples of many nations, religions and cultures. These are gifts we can all receive and give at the same time. I hope you will receive these gifts from me as I receive them from you.

Taking Time to Celebrate

My daughter's wedding

Taking Time to Celebrate

I look at my calendar for the coming week and see that there just isn't enough time to get everything done. I look at it again and again, but I keep coming to the same conclusion! There isn't enough time to complete everything I would like to finish.

Two days ago I was getting bundled up to go out and feed my neighbor's animals so I could finish one more thing on my list for the day. That's when Kilee, my daughter, asked if she could come out and help me. It was a kind gesture, to be sure, since she is busier right now than I am.

Kilee is getting married this week. She has lots on her mind; including college finals, a full time job and finishing the last details of her wedding which will take place this Saturday. Still, she wanted to take time to go out into the freezing cold and help me!

As we walked across the ice-covered ground my heart was warmed by her generosity. I also realized that this would most likely be the last time we would be carrying hay and grain together before she completes her vows and moves into her new home. Suddenly, during that special father-daughter moment, the rest of my calendar didn't matter anymore!

There are times in life when you just have to lay everything aside and celebrate! And, I have a lot to celebrate this week.

I have a chance to take a full week to enjoy the accomplishments of a daughter who has grown into a beautiful, capable person. It's a wonderful opportunity to take delight in the fact that she has selected a man with a good heart and morals to add to our family. This is a once in a life time week to spend with the people I treasure above all else! They're the reason I work so hard.

As I looked at this week's calendar this morning I watched item after item easily fall into the next week as they paled in importance to spending time with my daughter. Everything else will work out in its own time because this is a week of celebration. Please celebrate with me! And, make sure you celebrate the important moments of your life every chance you get.

Know The Voice of Your Thoughts

"I could hear the howl of a wolf from across the river."

• Kent Heder
  

Knowing the Voice of Your Own Thoughts

My friend Kent Heder was enveloped in the quiet night as he lay in bed in Western Montana. He was thinking about how loud the silence was. "When it's this quiet sometimes it's hard to fall asleep." He thought.

Then a flash of inspiration came streaking through his mind at that very moment, "Perhaps this is how the term "deafening silence" came to be."

"There are lots of people in today's world that haven't an idea about deafening silence," he mused as he lay there thinking about his great fortune to be having this experience.

Kent is a young man; only twenty-years-old. He's been living along the edge of this river under a "Big Sky" for a little more than a year. He stirs a little in his bed and then drifts into memory again. It wasn't long ago that almost everyone he knew spent morning, noon and night with ear buds stuffed into their head.

"If they could see me now," he laughed! His friends from his old world would be horrified at his current life. "Boring" is what they would call it. But he saw it as a wonderful opportunity.

For the first time in a very long while he now recognized the sound of his own thought voice. He could tell the difference between his personal thoughts and others being inserted by outer voices. That's one of the astonishing changes that he's noticed in his life lately.

"Maybe I've become comfortable in my own skin." Kent thought as he stirred again.

Then, a distant sound shattered his dark blanket of silence. He had to shift his senses from the internal to the external as he searched for an answer to the intrusion.

There it was again.

Now he could recognize it!

The sound was coming from across the river. It was a lone wolf calling out in the night for some company. It was a rare experience for him. "How many people get to hear the howl of a wolf during their lifetime? How many people have so many external thoughts rushing into their minds that they couldn't hear it if the sound reached their ears?"

Can you tell the difference between your thoughts and the howls from across the river of your consciousness? If you can, you're ready to receive enlightenment; the little flashes of inspiration that will help you discover and live a life of fulfillment. Give it a try and see the difference it will make in your life.

The Littlest Horse Thief

"Kilee stole my horse!"

• Carol Pollock
  

The Littlest Horse Thief

There was a knock at my front door. I didn't hear the knock, but I could hear the result as a woofing sound roared from the member of my family covered in black, brown and white fur. I don't get a lot of visitors at my house so I was curious as to who it was.

As soon as I opened the door I saw a familiar face. I thought I was to be curious no more, but I was wrong!

Carol's face was serious. "We need to talk." She announced.

I invited her in. We had had lots of talks, but this was the first time she had walked next door to speak with me in such a formal way. My mind began to rampage its way through hundreds of possibilities. Yet, it was not prepared for the reality Carol was about to present!

"Kilee stole my horse!"

I could tell she was serious. Still, I could barely prevent a riotous laugh from erupting. Kilee was my wiry seven-year-old, horse loving, daughter who Carol had been teaching. I would say teaching to ride, but she was teaching her much more than that!

As soon as Carol had moved in with her horses Kilee had pretty much moved in with her. She was a sponge soaking up all Carol would kindly teach her. She wanted to learn about and ride horses so much that she had worked out an arrangement to clean stalls in exchange for riding lessons! Carol was a great mentor and teacher. Her knowledge was grand; her caring unmatched.

"I guess Kilee wanted to ride while I wasn't home." Carol continued. "She needs to understand that it isn't safe for her to ride when I'm not with her. My horse weighs more than 2000 pounds, is unpredictable, and Kilee is so small!"

I knew all that! Kilee knew all that! Still, Carol and I had no idea what Kilee thought she knew!

I called for Kilee to come in and face her worried mentor.

"Are you going to hang me now?" Kilee's timid voice queried.

I could hardly see the tear running down Carol's face through the welling in my own eyes. Her love for horses was greater than we had imagined!

We talked it out. Kilee had to work to provide restitution. Carol and Kilee continued working and loving horses together until Carol moved.

Is your passion moving you? Are you pursuing what you want in life willing to face real and imagined consequences just as Kilee, "the littlest horse thief"?

The Power of Definite Purpose

"I know what my gift is I just don't understand it or what to do with it!"

The Power of Definite Purpose

Every person on earth has unique, personalized gifts and talents. I know this to be true because I've observed thousands of people and have yet to find one that doesn't have talents I don't have. Perhaps you've noticed the same thing as you've observed the people around you. And, you may have also noticed some who are brimming with knowledge and talent yet seem to be wandering through life weighed down with a lack of success or fulfillment.

"I know what my gift is I just don't understand it or what to do with it!" a friend of mine said to me this week. I could hear the words. Yet they were hard for me to comprehend since the exterior of the person saying them was the perfect vision of someone who had it all together; she was well dressed, respected in her profession and smart. So, I had to look deeper into the windows of her soul to discover the meaning of her words.

As I was looking, a flash of light streaked through my mind, "She doesn't know who she is!" was branded upon my consciousness. I marveled at the revelation.

"What do I need to do to understand how to use my gift?"

As the words floated into my ears I knew immediately that I didn't have the answer. But, I knew where she could find the answer she was seeking.

"You already know." I replied.

"There's only one person who can tell you the answer to your question." I responded. Then I looked back at her in a way that left no room for mistake. "Your answer is inside your heart. You must take a deep look within and decide how you what use what you already have. It's something only you can do. No other person can give it to you."

Some people say, "Knowledge is power." But, acquiring knowledge isn't enough. You must organize it and put into use for a definite purpose, through practical plans. Knowledge of your personal gifts and talents has no value except that which can be gained from its application toward some worthy end. So, what worthy end would you like to reach with your talents and gifts?

 

You are the Predictor

"How can anyone not be happy when the weather is this nice and it's so beautiful outside?"

• Judith Rasoletti
  

You are the Predictor

I was on the phone with one of the salesmen that reported to me, believing it was just another routine accountability session, when he said something that changed my entire life! I started the call as I normally did saying, "How's your day?"

"I've decided to have a bad month," he replied.

Even though this conversation happened thirty years ago those words have been imprinted in my mind forever! I also remember the thought I had immediately after he said them, "How can anyone plan to have a bad month!?" In retrospect I could have asked myself a better question, "Why would someone plan to have a bad month?" I'm sure there were reasons hidden deep inside this young salesman's mind and it's too late for me to try to discover what they are now. But, it's not too late for me to tell you what I learned from his statement!

As I watched his sales results over the month it became clear to me that had predicted his results. It was also clear to me that he had created his bad month within his own mind well in advance of its occurrence. I knew then that if he could choose to create a bad month in advance he could also choose to create a great month in advance. I've been grateful to him ever since! He helped teach me about the power of the subconscious mind. And, it's a lesson I continue to learn.

I had a dissimilar telephone call from my friend Judith Rasoletti this very week, but the lesson was the same. Judith is creating a new business and when she called me to check in I asked, "How are things going?"

I asked that question because I knew she was having some struggles. Her reply told me all I needed to know about the potential success of her new venture, "How can anyone not be happy when the weather is this nice and it's so beautiful outside? My business is growing and I am projecting its success into the future."

Judith has faith in her future because she's creating the outcome deep inside her subconscious mind. Her own mind is the predictor of her fate. And, now you know that your mind is the predictor of your own fate. Make sure your own prediction is one of happiness and abundance!

Let the Future Take Care of Itself

"I live in the present moment knowing that I'll be taken care of in the future."

• Ken Wells
  

Let the Future Take Care of Itself

Before I walk into the garage of a home carefully placed on the side of a mountain in Park City, I take a moment to stand in the doorway and talk with my friend Ken. It's a beautiful day in late October; the kind of day that reminds me why fall is my favorite time of year in these nurturing mountains. It's a little chilly, but not too cold! I stand there in my shirt sleeves and marvel at the calming affect the view has on me.

I also marvel at what Ken is telling me. Ken is a self described "mad scientist" and does some amazing things in his garage. I'm there, by invitation, to take a look at his latest project. I'm curious! I've spent the better part of the early afternoon listening to him tell me about his discovery but still can't even begin to grasp its significance. So, when he invites me to see his work I jump at the chance to understand it more.

There are lots of things I don't understand. I always thought people who were my age had it all figured out by now; they'd lived life for a long time and knew exactly what it was all about. Now that I'm at "that" age, I find I don't know much about our world at all. Perhaps it's because I keep meeting, associating with, and learning from such amazing people!

Ken is one of these amazing people and I am about to find out a little more about just how amazing he really is. We keep talking as we walk into his garage where we're greeted by plastic cylinders with hoses coming and going from every which way. It makes me wonder how Ken's mind works!

I ask him, "What will this do?"

He gets a sparkle in his eye and replies "Change the entire world!"

"How will that happen?" I ask.

He tells me how everything works and why. I hear his words but still don't really understand it all. But then he says something that helps me catch a glimpse into his world.

"I don't really look into the future much at all. I spend my life living in the present. I create it moment by moment knowing that I'll be taken care of in the future." Ken expounds.

Now I understand that Ken is changing the world in two ways; through his work in science and by living his life moment by moment! If you're like me you won't change your world through scientific discovery, but you, and I can change our world moment by moment by living in our lives in the present!

 

The Law of Equivalent Success

"I am as comfortable with a homeless person as I am someone famous. I can learn just as much from either." – Danny Marz

 

The Law of Equivalent Success

As we drove along country roads I sat listening to Danny talk. He speaks in rapid succession, one work rushing off the tail of the last and onto the nose of the next. Soon, it begins to sound almost like a machine gun rattling on. But rather than being a weapon of destruction, his words are more akin to those belonging to those whose dreams have given to civilization all that it has of value, the spirit which serves as the lifeblood of our own country; your opportunity and mine to develop and market our talents.

Danny is a dreamer. He has the ability to take the thing he wishes for, what he believes in, and make it a reality. He's a person who can put his dreams outside of himself, no matter what others think of them. If he meets with defeat, it is always just a temporary defeat because he knows that every failure beings with it the seed of an equivalent success.

The "Law of Equivalent Success" simply allows the person who has a burning desire to stand and put his or her dream into action, and despite more than ten thousand failures, to stand by that dream until it's made into physical reality. Practical dreamers such as Danny do not quit!

I've known many people who have passed through many heartbreaking struggles before they "arrive." And, I've noticed that the turning point in the lives of those who succeed usually comes at the moment of some crisis, through which they are introduced to their deepest selves. The person, the owner of their deepest talent, is somehow released through the process of personal struggle.

So, if you're struggling a little or a lot right now, if you believe in one thing, believe in the Law of Equivalent Success. Look deep within yourself so you can discover your greatest talents, beliefs and faith. If you will, you'll find your greatest success just around the corner.

In the Eyes of Another

A teaching moment

In the Eyes of Another

Have you ever been talking to one of your children when you realized that it was one of the most important teaching moments of your lifetime? That's what just happened to me not more than nine hours ago. We were talking about goals when my daughter spouted out, "I don't know what the big deal is. I already have my life completely planned. It's not like it's hard or anything."

She went on, "I don't know why people think it's so hard. All you do is decide what it is you want and then go for it."

I replied, "It's not that easy for everyone. For example, I don't really have any goals." (I was just saying that to stimulate more conversation."

And that's when the real teaching moment began. But, not in the way I thought it would!

"You have goals!" she said.

"What are my goals?" I replied.

"That's easy!" she answered.

"You're making sure all of us have a good college education. And, you want all of us to be married to good people who share our beliefs."

It was like being hit right between the eyes for me! She was right. Those are two of my goals. In fact, they're right at the top of my list! It was a teaching moment alright; but, I was the one being taught.

I've long said, "You can tell what a person really wants by what they do." I guess I just thought I was somehow invisible when it came to my own actions. Yet, here was my daughter telling me what I really wanted as a result of watching what I've done and what I've said over time.

So here it is: If you really want to know what you want in your life, go to someone close to you and ask them to tell you what your goals are! See if you hear what you've been telling yourself all these years. I've found that it's much easier to fool myself than those I love.

Are you spending your life doing what you really want to do?

More Than a Voice Connection

"Are you proud of me?"

• Jessi Butterfield
  

More Than a Voice Connection

My oldest daughter, now a woman, packed her bags as she finished college and went off to chase her dreams in New York City. She was determined to make her own way and create the life she's envisioned for quite a long time.

After being on her own for some year and a half, she just landed a "perfect fit" job that will take her to the next step in her progression. Some may look at her now and say she's lucky. That may be true, but it's not the only reason she is where she is.

During the last eighteen months, I've watched from afar as she's knocked on door after door and done many odd jobs just to put food in her mouth. I've also watched as she's looked fear right in the eyes and then made the determination to go to work in spite of it. I even know that she's basically lived out of a suit case up until the past two months when she finally got a place of her own. For all these reasons I can truly say that I'm proud of her and the efforts she's made!

But, it wasn't until this last week when I was visiting with her on the telephone that I told her so. And, it wasn't until she asked, "Are you proud of me?" That I realized I'd taken way too long to say something. Now, for some five days, I've been wondering why I didn't share my feelings with her long before she had to ask.

Even though I was speaking with her on a voice connection only, I could see the gleam in her eyes as the words floated into her ears. I only wish I could have been there to see and feel her full joy.

There's a big lesson here! No matter what the people you love accomplish, their accomplishment is empty and hollow until they know how proud of them you are. You can be the source of an amazing, fulfilling happiness if you'll simply express your admiration on a regular basis.

So, tell those you love how impressed you are with what they've accomplished. Then, drink in the twinkle from their eyes, bask in the glow of their love and treasure up the experience in your heart.

Be Comfortable With Yourself

"They called me a geek because I was smart so I became a Cheerleader and now they call me dumb!"

• Annie Butterfield
  

Be Comfortable With Yourself

My daughter Annie is without a doubt the best speller I've ever known. She seems to be able to instinctively spell words. I marvel at this skill because I've always had difficulty spelling. Not being a good speller comes as naturally to me as being a great speller comes to her.

Annie is internally driven and that's why she's a great student. She wants to have good grades and works hard to obtain them. She monitors her grades each term and makes sure she has a solid "A" in every class. This isn't something she's been taught to do. It's something she wants to do. It's who she is.

Because she's such a good student there are others who began to make fun of her in Junior High. Some began calling her a nerd because she got good grades and participated well in class. As a result, there were many days when she'd come home with hurt feelings; all because she's a person of excellence. So, as is her nature, she came up with a plan to combat her detractors and soothe her tender heart.

Annie became a cheerleader so she could use her athletic talent as well as become more popular. She's an excellent athlete and enjoys her association with the other cheerleaders in her new high school. She's doing well! But, she's found that some have put her into another category now.

She came home the other day and said, "They called me a geek because I was smart so I became a cheerleader and now they call me dumb!"

She'd been in a class that day when some other kids were laughing about how "stupid" Cheerleaders are. Annie spoke up and said, "I'm a Cheerleader."

The kids chortled and said, "Yes, we know."

"Then I answered a question the teacher asked. Of course, they didn't have a clue as to what the answer was!" She said.

She's learned a valuable lesson that will serve her well if she can keep it. It's so important that I wanted to give it to you.

Be who you are. Enjoy your special talents and be joyous in them. Allow like-minded people with complementary endowments to befriend you and you'll live a life of fulfillment. Create your own way. Live independently, of what others appear to think, and enjoy an exceptional life.

The Infinite Nature of Love

"Sometimes we get confused and think that we won't have enough love to go around."

• Ken Jones
  

The Infinite Nature of Love

I have three daughters so when someone asks me if I have girls or boys my first reply is always, "I'm a specialist, I only have daughters. When the bible says, beautify the earth, I can confidently say I have obeyed that commandment completely." I've often thought about how these daughters have changed my life.

First, they've taught me the true nature of love. There's no doubt we've done things for them that we wouldn't have done for any other people. I think of many late nights holding them while they were ill; trying to give as much comfort as we could. I also reflect on all the time we've spent taking them to their activities such as gymnastics, horse-back riding, and music lessons. They're the largest investment we've made in life by far.

When I say investment, perhaps it gives you the wrong impression. I don't just mean in money or financial terms. I mean time, effort and talents spent on nurturing them, growing with them and learning from them.

Second, I've learned that investing in life, in living people, is by far the most rewarding and most difficult thing I've ever done. One of my favorite quotes has to do with "(not) adorning yourself with that which has no life." My kids have taught me that they're of much greater value than any material thing. And, I'm quite sure I wouldn't have learned that lesson had I not had any children. When I say that, I'm speaking of myself only!

I know of others who learn the same important lesson by a different path. One of my dearest friends has never married and has never had children of her own, but she has touched the lives of thousands of kids through her teaching. When all is said and done, she's probably spent more time teaching and learning from children than I ever will. I've known Monica for more than twenty-five years and when I look into her Scandinavian blue eyes there's no doubt in my mind that she's invested her whole life in the lives of countless children who have left her classroom to become wonderful people. Her work has created a deeper and richer experience for those she has taught as well as for herself.

There are times when I'm sure she's felt as if her energy was spent. I'm sure there have been many days when she felt as if she just couldn't give out any more love; there just wasn't enough to go around. I'm sure about that because I've felt that way on many occasions and I have just three children. Until now, I couldn't imagine having enough love to give to thirty or thirty-five different children each and every year. But, she's done it and has had love to spare!

I've been thinking about this a lot lately because one of my daughters just got engaged to be married. And, you know, I've said for years, "I only know about daughters, I don't have a clue when it comes to boys." Well, now I have my chance to learn something new. I've also realized that my family isn't getting smaller, it's getting larger. I'm beginning to see that perhaps I've been unknowingly limiting the amount of love I have to give due to my focus on the number three.

And isn't that fitting? The third lesson I'm learning is that allowing more people into my life doesn't take love away from the people I already love. It simply allows me to reach down into the well of my heart and pull more love out. It gives me the chance to give more and at the same time to receive and learn more. That's the true nature of love.

Love has the power to expand infinitely if each one of us makes the decision to allow it to do its work. If you're going through changes in your life and they have you feeling challenged and a little displaced, find a way to hand out more love. If you'll do that you'll find that you'll soon be receiving much more than you've given. It will return to you many times and in many ways.

I believe in this so much now that I've added a new aspect to my personal vision. I've decided to focus more of my time and talents to help young women who need to be mentored by a father. I'm excited about what I can give and the lessons that will surely be coming my way.

More love will be coming your way if you want it to. You have infinite love to give. You have infinite value to give. You can create a better and happier life for others as well as for yourself if you'll simply embrace the infinite nature of love.

A Life Guiding Question

"The question people should be asking themselves before they do anything is; what's the right thing to do?"

– Paul H. Cook

A Life Guiding Question

My friend Paul Cook has done well in his life. You may ask what I mean by doing well because there are lots of definitions of "well." My answer to that question is that he's done well in many areas of his life, if not all. He's raised a good family, done well in business and is now dedicated to helping others to have a great life. I want to help others have a great life so I spent a few minutes speaking with him so I could discover the root of some of his success.

More than anything I wanted to learn from him; try to see the world through his eyes. I know of no better way to do that than to talk with a person face to face, eye to eye. You know the old saying, "The eyes are the window to the soul."

When I look into Paul's eyes I see gentle goodness. I also see determination and a desire to make a difference in many people's lives. At the same time, I see a multifaceted dimension to his approach that I have rarely seen before.

Paul has the unique gift of being able to see the whole picture in a relationship kind of way. For example, he understands how important it is to build a community with resources so as to allow the members of the "village" to build a self perpetuating success. At the same time, he sees the importance of helping others with "plenty" to see the importance of using their gifts well outside of themselves.

The reason he has this perspective is that he has experience on both sides of the formula. So much so that even though he's been challenged to the point where most people would give up, he has redoubled his efforts to move forward. And, I know what an effort it is.

Paul's vision has been to build villages in areas that really need the help. Places where all hope and money has been stolen from the people. Places such as Haiti. When he was traveling there on business he knew he had to act, so he did!

First he created a nonprofit foundation using his own money. Second, he enhanced its resources with donations from others. Third he completed a plan for a village center to meet many needs.

The village center has a core as well as separate wings depending on what the community needs. For example, a medical wing, a school wing, and a health care wing. Once he determines exactly what the community's needs are, he uses money resources and human resources to make it a reality. This is where his genius is and I'll give you an example.

One of his friends of wealth had a couple of teenaged kids that were moving toward a path that would certainly bring them a life of misery. Paul could see that so he invited them to come to Haiti to help build a "Village of Hope" there. Happily they agreed and for the first time they were able to see what life was really about. And, it didn't take long; just a few short weeks.

When they returned to their home their father was amazed at the transformation in their lives. It was a miracle he thought would never happen. But, unfortunately it was a miracle for the children alone.

A few months later Paul approached this man of influence and great wealth for a donation of $5,000 to help create another village and the man told him that he didn't have the money to help. "He had reinvested all his money back into his business."

Being a business man himself, Paul said he understood. That is until he was driving with another friend who told him, without knowing of the donation request, that the other man was having a hard time deciding between two different new cars costing about $120,000 each!

Paul said to me, "That's when I became much more careful who I ask to donate. I don't want to put people in a situation where they'll have to answer to their Maker for such actions"

When he said that, I began to think of my own actions in greater detail!

In doing so and in continuing to talk with Paul, we came up with a simple answer to ask ourselves over and over again. We wanted to help ourselves to keep on the path of goodness. So, here it is:

"What's the right thing to do?"

That's it!

Notice it's not, what will make me the most money?

Notice it's not, what will be the easiest thing for me to do?

Notice it's not, what will give me the most short term pleasure?

Notice it's not, what will give me the most power?

Speaking of power, my friend Paul can't work as hard as he used to be able to. You see, while he's been working with people in need overseas he contracted a virus. It's slowed him down. But, it hasn't defeated him! He just presses on asking himself one simple question every day. What's the right thing to do?

Please join us in asking this important question! And, if you'd like to donate to Paul's foundation please send me an email and I'll put you in contact with Paul directly.

Drinking From the Fountain of Youth

"I have him trying all kinds of new things. And, he really loves the change in his life."

• Chris Barber
  

Drinking From the Fountain of Youth

The four of us met in the driveway and began to walk toward the house. My friend Chris is in the process of purchasing this home to share with his wife Kristin and his father. As we begin to walk I introduce Chris to Chrisanne and Preston; both key members of my team.

Chrisanne begins to ask Chris questions so we can do our work well.

"Tell me about your Father," She says.

"My Father is retiring here," replies Chris.

"He's worked hard his whole life and I'm helping him find a new life."

"He likes to fish and we just got him a new car. He didn't think he'd like it. But, he loves it!"

"He's been living the same life for a long time. I'm introducing him to all kinds of new things."

Chris is much younger than I am, so when he talked about his father living the same life for a long time it made me begin to think. I listened as Chris went on. They were now doing all kinds of things together and I thought what a perfect match they were for each other.

Chris and Kristin are well educated and full of fun. They live an active lifestyle and as far as I can tell, they live life in an all-in-love sort of way. That means they do lots of fun outdoor activities that will keep them happy, fit and active well past my age. It was clear to me that they would add a new and wonderful dimension to his Dad's life.

On the other hand, Chris' Dad's life will be adding a voluminous history and depth of experience to their lives as well. I know that they can't help but benefit from the wisdom of a kind and successful man. Yes. It is a perfect match; the old with the young; the tried and true with the cutting edge.

We continued walking until we got into the entry way of the house. Once inside we all stopped and our eyes couldn't help but focus on the huge floor to ceiling fireplace as it reached toward its peaked escape through the roof. We all listened as Chris painted his vision for the entry way of their new life.

"New life" began to have a new meaning for me as we stood there. I looked over at Preston. I rely on him to do things I can't do. He has exceptional talent. He sees things differently than I do because he's at least twenty years younger. Still, I'd say we're more than just business associates, we're friends as well. Knowing that I can rely on him to fill in my "gaps" makes my life a lot better.

The four of us then walked past the gap between the entry way and the living area of the house. We stand in awe of the vistas that have opened up before us and I realize that new vistas have also opened up in my life. I've begun to see a new resource open to everyone, everywhere.

As I have aged the people that have gone before me have begun to pass from my life as in a dream. Their impact is still with me, it's just that they've gone. I've learned all I can from them now. But, there is opportunity for renewal.

This renewal is in the form of younger generations that are bringing new life and a new vision to all of us. Embrace these new generations so you can become more complete. Allow them to bring the past, present and future into your life.

My mind flashes back to the present moment. The four of us stand in the voluminous living room that will soon become a place of joy and refuge for my friend Chris. I hear the excitement in his voice as he outlines his plans. His youthful exuberance gives me a reason to make some plans for myself.

Youth is not wasted on the young. It's a continuous store from which we may all profit if we will simply seize the opportunity to build new relationships. I invite you to bring new youth into your life by selecting young friends that can give you new views, new hope and a new appreciation for your life. I hope you can soon say that many of your best friends are also your youngest friends.

Youth can be yours again. You simply have to befriend it so you can taste from the fountain of youth every day!

 

Sharing Your Talents

"People are More Important Than Cows"

• Bruce Clegg
  

Sharing Your Talents

If you were to look at my friend Bruce Clegg you would see a tall, stout man. In fact, if someone were to ask me to give them a reference for a man who looks like the perfect cowboy, Bruce would be that guy. The great thing about it is that the reference wouldn't be just for looks. He's been a cow man for most of his life. So, you'd never guess that he spent more than two years teaching a class to small children.

When I was teaching children with him I would marvel at the image. Here was this huge man sitting on a tiny little chair with small kids sitting around him. I thought, "How can a man so big and strong be such a great teacher of the small?"

Yet, here he was teaching with me and making a difference in the lives of lots of children. I know he made a difference because I watched the kids as he spoke with them. I watched the kids as they looked up, with their heads tilted back as far as they could go, just to be able to look up into his eyes.

I also loved to watch the kids walk down the hall with him! It was as if I were watching a giant with his little "ducklings" in tow. The kids would line up behind him and they would walk in a perfect line right down the side of the hall. There was never a peep out of them either. They had perfect behavior. It was a testament of their respect and love for him.

My love and respect also grew for him as our weeks and months of teaching together grew into years. Then he got another assignment and he was not going to be teaching the kids with me anymore. I was sad to see him go. And, I wanted to let him know what a difference he had made so I wrote a poem for him.

The poem was called "Big Man, Big Heart." It expressed my feelings in a way that came from my heart. I talked with one of Bruce's daughters after giving him the poem and she said, "When we read it, we all cried because it described our father so perfectly!"

Not long after that conversation with Bruce's daughter I received a card and a package from Bruce. The card said, "Thank you for sharing your talent with me. I have a talent for raising beef and I wanted to share it with you." The package with the card contained the best beef roast I have ever eaten! I knew he had a talent for raising beef, but I had no idea how much of a talent until he shared it with me.

I think that's the way it is with all of us. We look at people from the outside and can't quite see the whole picture until we get to know them enough to share talents. Every single person has unique and important talents to share with the rest of us. That's what I love about Bruce's quote; the inspiration for today; "People are more important than cows."

Bruce was teaching me about the importance of people one day when he told me about a time when he was working on his ranch. He was having some troubles with a cow giving birth to a calf when he got the call to help a friend in the neighborhood. He was worried about his cow and her calf, but when he hesitated to go help our friend, the thought came into his mind telling him that helping our neighbor in need was more important; so he immediately left his ranch to go and help!

Now whenever I'm not real motivated to reach out and use my personal talents to help other people around me, I get this vision of the tallest and biggest-hearted cowboy I know sitting on the back of a horse looking down at me. I see him sit back in his saddle, tip his hat back so I can see his eyes clearly, and say, "Always remember, people are more important than cows!"

I hope I'll always remember that, it's great to have these talents that are unique to me, but if I'm not sharing them with the people around me then they're not important. Talents alone are not enough! Only by using them to help others around you will you be getting the most out of what you have to give. Only then will you be growing to become the most you can be.

I'll never be as tall or as strong as my friend Bruce. But, I hope I can become the biggest user of my talents to help everyone around me as I can. I hope you'll become a giant talent user as well!

Passing the Torch

"My Mother"

Passing the Torch

I watched as my sister walked slowly through the grass in my back yard. It wasn't that she couldn't walk faster; she could. She just couldn't walk faster and still allow my mother to cling to her arm. My mother was clinging to my sister's arm with one hand and she grasp her cane in the hand connected to her other arm. They walked slowly but surely until they reached the two small steps leading to the top of my deck.

The deck never seemed to be much of an obstacle before now. But, here is was and it loomed large. They stopped just before the first step and made preparations to begin the climb. First, one step was conquered and then the other. I felt a great relief as they reached the top.

Reaching the top has a new meaning for me these days. It can mean lots of different things; the top of stairs, the top of a mountain, the top of life. The top of life can be reached at any age; I'm just watching my mother reach it after many years. I guess I define "the top" as the point just before a human's life journey ends.

My mother is now in her eighties. For all I know, she will live another forty years! For all I know she may be ready to pass the torch to me and my brothers and sisters all too soon. So, I've been watching and closely observing this part of her journey. I'm feeling a sense of responsibility begin to settle upon my shoulders.

It's a sense of responsibility I've never felt before. I do have comfort that millions of others have been through the same thing over and over again. But, that doesn't make this experience any less new to me. I have lots of questions!

On this day, one question seemed to be swarming around me in the form of children, "How do I make sure all the great things she's taught me are passed on to the next generation so people, who have and will come, through our family line will know them?"

As I stood in the doorway to my house watching my mother and sister continue their walk into the cool interior of my home there must have been at least ten screaming, laughing kids run past. They were her great grand children. They were seemingly oblivious to the momentous journey their Grandma-Great was in the process of completing. That's ok. That's the way it is as you begin a journey. That's why they're here.

Events like this, the annual "Butterfield Bash at Buffalo Gal Ranch" are important stops along the way. It's a chance for those beginning their journey to gather with other life journey traveling companions. It gives all of us time to visually see, physically touch, and spiritually feel the others we have a connection with. After all, there's nothing like seeing something first hand is there? Seeing things first hand, in person makes it real. That's how we all see that no one and nothing can ever replace my mother, my children's grandmother, and my children's, children's Grandma-Great.

In today's American society we don't have much of a clue about this concept. We seem to live in an "easy come, easy go" world. Wives and husbands, brothers and sisters, friends and jobs are all touted as interchangeable.

The reality is much different. Everyone we meet in life is irreplaceable! Each person has something unique to teach us. Each person touches us in a way no other person can. It doesn't matter if our encounter is long or brief; there is uniqueness in each and every relationship.

That's the torch I want to pass to my children. I want them to be able to spend as much time as possible with their grandmother so they can begin to see the truth. I want them to see that she has had impact on their lives in a way that no other person can or will. I want them to know deep within their hearts that she is an irreplaceable part of them. I want them to see her with their eyes, touch her with their hands and feel her with their spirit so they will know who she was and what she has done for them.

As your friend, I want the same for you. Take some time today and think of your parents and grandparents. Think about all you've learned from them. Feel the depth of the relationship. Know that you'll be passing their torch to the coming generations. Have you begun the process?

Creating Breakthroughs in Your Life

Creating Breakthroughs in Your Life

"Continued learning is the most important predictor of success."

• Brett Pinegar
  

 

Have you ever felt a desire to change but haven't been able to? If you have, then you're just like the vast majority of us. I can see a lot of areas I'd like to change in my life so I've been searching for ways to make a "breakthrough."

So, when I had the chance to sit and talk with Brett Pinegar, the author of "The Breakthrough Company" I was in hopes I could use some of the principles he's discovered on a personal level. I couldn't have arranged for this meeting alone so I give my thanks to Wayne Brown Institute and Mountain West Capital Network for opening the way for me.

Fall has always seemed to be a time of new openings, new beginnings. Perhaps it's because it signals the opening of a new school year, a new football season and training camp for basketball. The leaves begin to change because the nights become cooler. Everything seems to be changing and I always feel a sense of anticipation.

The anticipation I feel is decidedly different from the dread my fourteen year old daughter feels as she begins another school year. It isn't that she doesn't like to learn. Far from it; she reads far more than most people I know. As I look at her I realize that at an early age she's discovered what Brett Pinegar calls "The most important predictor of success."

Continual learning or being a life-long learner is essential for success. That makes sense when you look at the pace of change in today's society. I've had to continually make changes in the way I think and work, just to keep up!

If there's one certainty in life, it's change. Life seems to be designed that way. Still, knowing that doesn't make changes easy. This was made clear to me when visiting with my friend Ed Dalton.

We were talking about the challenges his daughter is facing. She's a bright young woman who had a successful medical practice. One day as she descended the stairs at her home, arms full of stuff, she tripped and fell. The fall broke her ankle in a horrific way and it's led to a cascade of other medical issues that have left her clinging to life on several occasions.

As I sat face to face with Ed talking about their challenges, one important question came to my mind. So, I asked it, "What can you learn from this?"

Ed took the note book he always carries in his pocket and wrote the question down. He could instantly see the importance of this small question. It's a question that's important for each of us to ask on a daily basis. Make sure you ask it to yourself every day!

Asking, "What can I learn" will cause you to become what Brett Pinegar calls, "an advocate for change." It means you'll enable yourself to look at the world from different views. You'll become adaptable; being able to change more quickly. This change will create what psychologists call "the cycle of positives" in your life. Positive lifestyles always attract more positive lifestyles, and that's when your life will really begin to grow and change for the better. Larry Glenn says, "Because you possess the experience and knowledge, you can begin helping others improve their lives as well."

New people will begin to associate with you as they're drawn into your cycle of positive experience and knowledge. They'll be important to you because they'll help you discover new truths and enable you to surround yourself with a group of "Sages" or Mentors. Associate with others who will tell you the truth so your cycle of positives will keep growing and your new life and joyful lifestyle will keep creating, accomplishing, and attracting the new life you've always desired.

Begin to create your cycle of positives today by becoming a continual learner, asking what you can learn from your experiences, adapting to change as quickly as possible, looking at different points of view, advocating change, associating with others who will tell you the truth, and surrounding yourself with a group of Sages. If you will, you'll begin to create breakthroughs in your life!

The Great Life Changer

"I just don't know why I have been feeling so uncertain, so upset inside."

• Kim Fish
  

The Great Life Changer

I walked into my office and saw Kim sitting at her desk so I stuck my head through the doorway to say hello. As I did so my thoughts were immediately shuttled around to the significant events of her recent past.

Kim has a father and a step father. She's very close to both of them. That's why her experience of having them both pass away this year has been so difficult. She and her mother just returned from laying both men to rest within the past two months. Kim's view of the world is forever changed.

Even though her view has changed, I watched her get back on her feet and find her center once again. Her smile returned and it was great to see her laugh again. Then, two weeks ago the hand of providence reached her way again.

I remember seeing her in flight as she rushed toward the elevator bank to flee. In moments she had disappeared behind stainless steel doors. It was clear to me that something was wrong so I asked a colleague what had happened.

"Her niece was just killed in a traffic accident," she said.

My heart sank.

"She's on her way to Seattle with her mother so they can attend the funeral."

I remember thinking, "Hasn't Kim had enough?"

She was back now. So was my mind.

I finished my hello and walked through the door. The feeling in the room was somber. I didn't know what to say except for a careful, "How are you?" It was the kind of "how are you?" that meant, how are you dealing with the loss of your loved ones.

Kim looked up at me and said, "I just don't know why I'm feeling so uncertain, so upset inside."

I knew why. "It isn't easy to lose one loved one in the recent past, much less three!" I replied.

We sat and talked for a few minutes. I mostly listened. I didn't know what to say for the longest time. After all, how could someone as inexperienced and weak as me fill the huge void created by death?

Then my mind caught hold upon the "great life changer."

I have a small piece of blue paper on my desk. It's the size of a business card. I got it from my uncle Truss a few years ago. He gave it to me at a family wedding just after his wife had passed away.

I'll never forget his small, aged, trembling hands reaching into his wallet as we talked. "I want you to have this," he said. I looked down at it. The words were written in black and filled the small paper. "Keep an attitude of gratitude."

"Keep this with you," my uncle said. "It will keep your heart full of joy even in the most difficult of times." Then he gave me a hug and went off to talk to other family members with a spring in his step.

My Uncle Truss knows what he's talking about. He's buried two wives and has raised a wonderful family over a long life. And, he's done it with a never failing twinkle in his eyes!

Suddenly a twinkle came back to my eyes as I was able to pass this wisdom on to my friend Kim. We talked about gratitude and everything she has in her life. You know, it wasn't too long before Kim was laughing. Gratefully, she had found her smile again!

Everyone will have times in their life when they're really challenged so I'm sure you will too. When that happens in your life, I hope you'll remember this story of an aged man; the story of a man who has lived his life well. Remember the never failing twinkle in his eyes. Watch him pull the little blue paper from his wallet. Receive the paper in your hand and read it. "Keep an attitude of gratitude."

Let gratitude fill your heart and in the end, you'll always have a twinkle in your eyes too!

 

Do What You Really Want to do!

"Think About What you Really Want to do?"

- Paul Gahlinger

Do What You Really Want to do!

I've been spending the last few weeks working with Dr. Paul Gahlinger and his company MediCruiser. It's been a great learning experience for me. You see, Dr. Gahlinger is what I would call "The Father of Modern Telemedicine."

Do you remember old movies where Doctors would come to a patient's house and treat them in their home? Well, that's exactly what MediCruiser does; sort of. Dr. Gahlinger has outfitted a PT Cruiser with two Nurses and modules of medical equipment. The Nurses drive the Cruiser to provide care to patients and they use a computer to bring Dr. Paul, as he is called, along with them.

When the Nurses get to the patient's home they set up the computer and then "teleconference" Dr. Paul with the patient. So, the patient gets personal care from two compassionate Nurses in person and the full attention of a physician for live consultation all at the same time for less cost than a visit to a clinic! The patient doesn't get exposed to other people with illness, doesn't have to go to the hassle and expense of travel, and perhaps best of all doesn't ever have to sit in a waiting room. It's a great advancement in medical care.

You know I am always looking for ways to advance my own life so when I get a chance to sit and talk with someone who has cultivated a talent for innovation I always take it. We had just finished a meeting with other people on our Mentoring Team. The conference room had cleared out, the office was empty and Dr. Paul and I were just talking. We spent about an hour in dialogue where I was able to catch a glimpse of how a luminary thinks. I really didn't know what to expect but whatever my expectations may have been, they were not even close to what I learned in reality.

We talked about what he's been doing over the last few years. I found that he's written eleven text books, helped develop the telemedicine program for the U.S. Army and NASA, created a training college to give a better education for Nurses, worked in several countries as a telemedicine consultant and has started MediCruiser as a vehicle to revolutionize medical care in the United States. Talk about a world changer!

What I was hoping to discover during our conversation was some bit of information that would help you and me transform our lives; something we could hold on to. I wanted to make sure I could mine just one nugget of knowledge that could act as a catalyst to a better way of life. And, I found it!

Dr. Paul said, "Don't think about what you can do. Think about what you really want to do!" He went on to say, "This isn't much. But, it's what people should do. Most people set their sights too low."

I've been able to spend the last few days pondering this conversation and what it could mean to you and me and I've developed some steps you may want to consider.

First, look out in the world and see something you want to change. I call this step, "finding your life's mission." At first glance this may seem a little silly. I mean, what can an everyday common person like me do to change the world? Really?

The key here is to follow Dr. Paul's advice exactly. What do you REALLY want to do? If you don't really, really want to do it, you'll never have the fire in your belly to accomplish it!

Second, focus on developing the skills to make your mission a success. If you never learn to fly or about aviation engineering, you'll never be able to create the next generation of aircraft, if that's your mission.

Third, make sure you talk to everyone you meet about your mission. You'll never know who may want to be involved with you. There may be lots of others who would like to walk with you down your path. Remember when I said I was meeting with Dr. Paul and our Mentoring Team? Now we have a few really good minds working together to help change the way medical care is delivered in the United States. Let other people help you to see what you can't or wouldn't see without their help.

Fourth, know that there are people all around the world who share your vision. Dr. Paul is headed to Mongolia in the next few weeks where he'll be using and teaching what he knows to likeminded people. That sounds awfully one sided. The truth is that he'll learn as much from them as they'll learn from him if he just opens his eyes, heart and mind.

Fifth, recognize that your mission is a lifelong pursuit. It won't happen over night. Dr. Paul once said, "I just want to get moving on this!" As you can see, he is moving; just not as fast as he had hoped, or would like to. It will be the same for you and me. Count on it!

Finally, enjoy your journey. Savor every moment of your life. Enjoy each small victory. Love the people you work with and meet along the way. After all, that's what your life really is, a wonderful journey.

The Ripple Effect

"It ripples everywhere."

• Marianne Heder
  

The Ripple Effect

It was a small airplane filled with all sorts of people. I looked around me and studied the others on this flight. When I say others I mean more than people. One woman sat with a large woven cage on her lap.

The cage contained a couple of chickens and a little straw. They were surprisingly quiet as we bumped along in the sky. I would have thought they would be more nervous. More like me.

I had been traveling for almost twenty-three hours to get to this point of my journey. I was tired and hungry. I was also without luggage.

By the time I had touched down in Central America my luggage had touched down, well who knows? All I had now was what I was wearing. That was it! The baggage service told me they would forward my things on to me. I knew this was a long shot because I was heading to a small island off the coast of Honduras. And, this plane I was on kept jolting the truth; my luggage would never find me.

At this point I was hoping someone would be able to find me in one piece! The plane bounced up and down, side to side. Were it not for the seat belt there is no doubt I would be completely shaken, not stirred. I couldn't wait to get back on the ground.

Then I saw the ground! The runway on this island began and ended at the ocean. I saw waves crashing hard against the rocks as they protected the small strip of asphalt from erosion. We were heading in, just like the waves. We were up and down just like the waves!

As we got closer, to supposed salvation, I held my breath and hoped for a landing that would keep me living for at least another day. I watched out of my small window. Rocks! Strip. Rocks! Up and down we went. Then, one bounce, and STRIP!

There was a small puff of dust and we were on the wheels, slowing so we could come to a stop. Then the door opened and we all began to disembark. At the top of the stairs one of the first things I saw was a hand painted sign. It was on a weathered rectangular board. It read, "Utila International Airport."

I laughed as the words were imprinted on my mind. I looked out and saw a small dirt road and a line of people beginning to make their way toward town. This was unlike any "International Airport" I had ever seen. There were no cars. There were no taxis. There were no buses. There were only feet to carry us away to our destination.

Then, my mind carried me to another destination. Here I was sitting with friends talking some thirty-five years later. It was strange to be in other surroundings and to have scaled so many years in a flash. I had gone back to Utila because my friend Marianne had been talking about how relationships were what were really important and the other things were "just stuff."

I had a similar conversation with Tracy Zitting just one day before. "If our business were to fail, we would be alright as long as we're together" she said speaking of her family.

Utila was where I learned for the first time that all I really needed was what I was wearing along with a tooth brush. It was there when I learned a small shared room and a community kitchen could bring tremendous joy.

I watched the joy bounce out of Marianne's eyes as she taught me about the "Ripple Effect." The Ripple Effect becomes powerful when we serve other people and they can feel our love. "Our love is powerful enough to ripple through thousands of people and through time."

I knew instantly this was true because that very moment I was able to feel the love of people I had developed in a land so far away, such a long time ago. It was a reunion of experience that has never really left me. I just needed to be reminded.

Take a minute and make a plan to send ripples of love today. Look around you and see who you can help along their way. Then, help them with the only purpose of offering the love of your heart. If you will, you'll begin to see the ripples of your action immediately. As you do this time and time again there will be a time when you'll see more than ripples. You'll see waves of love and goodness all around you. Hope you enjoy the surf!

 

 

Find Your Voice

"I see things changing all around me and I just don't know what to say."

• Shane Riley
  

Find Your Voice

When I was doing business in China a close friend of mine introduced me to his uncle. He and his family lived in Shanghai and he was a professor at a local university. You know, I don't remember what subject he taught, but I do remember the lessons he taught me about the "Cultural Revolution" by sharing his experiences with me.

We were riding on a train from Shanghai to Wuxi for about four hours and it gave us a chance to talk, more or less in privacy, since the chance was very high we were the only ones, within ear-shot, who spoke English and would care about our discussion. In those days it was still very important to be careful about what one said because of the potential cost related to saying the wrong thing. I found this local political situation even more interesting as I observed a Canadian man and his wife who were sitting not far from us. It was clear to all that they didn't hesitate to say anything that came into their mind.

My traveling companion was however, very cognizant of what he said and it had taken me weeks to establish enough trust with him so he was willing to speak his mind. After getting to know him fairly well I knew he had a sharp mind. He also lived a life of introspection that made me believe he had much to teach me; it was the chance of a life time. He could pass a life experience to me that I could never have on my own.

"Tell me about the Cultural Revolution", I said.

He looked at me from his left with his head slightly to the side so he could keep a sharp eye on everyone around us. Then in a quiet voice he said, "It was a very hard time for me."

"How was it hard?" I replied.

"First, some men came and told me my house was too large for just my family. They had four other families with them. One family to a room they said. All the families now called my home theirs and we share the kitchen and the bathrooms."

I had been to his house so I knew this was true. I couldn't remember seeing so many people living in one house before. He, his wife and one child all shared what was once a single bedroom.

"Then they began to tell me what I could teach at the University. Someone reviewed all my lectures to make sure I was saying the right things."

"What did you do?" I queried.

"I kept to myself a lot. I read a lot. I read a lot! I was quiet. It was the only way I could keep myself and my family alive in those days."

I looked up at his face so I could see and feel the depth of his words. His eyes shimmered in the hazy sunlight. His face was tense and strong. His strength flowed in to me. It was as if I were dipping and drinking water from a deep, pure well. There was a great deal to learn from this man.

I was grateful to be with him. I was grateful to be there when he found his voice. His tale of hardship and oppression was not just important for me to hear. It was important for everyone in this world to hear. His story is unique to him so it is his and his alone to tell.

So it is with you. You have a unique story to tell. You are the only one who can tell it. If you don't tell it, no one will. No one else can.

You are my traveling companion and we're on a journey together. Who knows how long it will last. Who knows where we're going. Let's make sure we're all going to a great future. It can only be done if we have the benefit of being taught at the feet of each other.

There are so many ways you can tell us your story. Perhaps it is through your work. Perhaps it's through poetry. Perhaps it's through song. Maybe it's giving of yourself as a photographer. Take a moment today and make a decision as to what you're going to do to find your voice. Let us hear it.

If you lack courage, visualize a trip on a train going deeper into China by the second. Hear the wheels clicking beneath you. See yourself next to a quiet professor. Draw on his strength. Use it to strike a chord. Then, find your voice; teach us what only you know so all our lives can be deeper and richer.

Perception is Wrong

"Perception isn't real."

• Elena Radford
  

Perception is Wrong

I used to spend my life traveling. I know, it's what lots of people say they would like to do. You know, "When I retire I want to spend my time traveling!" After having to do it constantly for work I just smile to myself. I know there are challenges that go along with all that traveling. They just haven't discovered them yet. But, traveling all the time led me to first discovered "The Perception Trap."

You know that perceiving is the process of using your senses to acquire information about your surrounding environment or situation. You also know that it creates impressions, attitudes, or understanding based on what's observed or thought. The result of the process of perception is a neurological process of acquiring and mentally interpreting information from your senses. So, we really are a bunch of scientists watching our world closely and noting our perceptions in our lab notebook (our minds).

Some people have developed really good powers of observation. They've honed their ability to notice or discern things that escape the notice of most people. Traveling constantly puts you in situations that challenge your accepted beliefs based on your perceptions. In this way it is food for the mind. If there is one benefit to a life of travel this is it.

When traveling I used to go to many of the same communities on a regular basis so I developed a list of restaurants I liked to frequent. One of these is located in Marina Del Rey, California. There is a Cheesecake Factory there that sits right on the beach and it takes full advantage.

It has huge decks and patios that allow diners to sit outside and enjoy a wonderful water view. I've been there during all kinds of weather. It's almost always good to be outside eating there because they have umbrellas to block the sun. They have heaters and a fire pit to give warmth if necessary. And, they have glass walls to help block any wind that should come up. Since the menu at a Cheesecake Factory is so large and takes so long to get through the weather can change completely before I can even get through the entire thing!

When going through the menu once I stumbled across a drink I'd never seen before. They called it "Frozen Hot Chocolate." I really like warm cocoa so it caught my eye. It was a hot day so I thought I would give it a try; even though my perception was that "Hot Chocolate" was only good on nice cold days.

When my drink came out it was in a tall chilled glass mug. It was the same kind of mug you dream about when you're dying of thirst on a blistering hot day. Yes, this was going to be good, I told myself as I watched the droplets of water slithering down the side of the mug. I was not to be disappointed!

This chilled drink tasted just like the hot version without the hot temperature. I remember my mouth saying to my brain, "This can't be true, it tastes like hot chocolate but its cold!" What a perception buster!

My perception of what "hot chocolate" should be was changed forever! I found that I liked the frozen version much more than I liked the warm version. Whenever I went to Marina Del Rey I would order that very drink and savor every sip.

The sad thing is that after being on the menu for a few years they took it off. So if you go to a Cheesecake Factory you won't find it there unless they've put it back on the menu and I just don't know about it. I was really sad to see it go and haven't been able to find it anywhere else for years except for one time.

I was at a Cheesecake Factory and asked the waiter for the dink. He said, "It isn't on the menu anymore but I think I can get the kitchen to make one for you." I was thrilled when I saw him walking back to me a few minutes later with my favorite drink! What service! What an idea!

From that time forward I knew I could make this delightful drink for myself. Here is my recipe and you can use it exactly or make whatever alterations will make your tongue happy:

½ Cup Milk.

½ Cup Cocoa Mix. (I like the Stephens Gourmet Milk Chocolate)

Ten Ice Cubes.

You'll need a blender that will chop ice to make this and it's real easy if you have one.

Put the milk in the blender. Then put the cocoa mix in the blender. Put the blender on stir and run it for thirty seconds or so. Put five ice cubes into the blender and set it to the "ice drink" setting. I say only five because my wife and I have found that our blender doesn't work real well with more. When blended put in five more ice cubes and then blend them in until all the ices is crushed and the drink is smooth. Enjoy!

Perception can be a valuable thing in life but frozen hot chocolate proves that perception isn't real. Now you know this you'll never needlessly fall into The Perception Trap again. Who knows, you may find something you love because of this alone!

Make a Fifteen Minute Investment

"People don't care what you know until they know you care."

• Common Saying
  

Make a Fifteen Minute Investment

"I need to talk to you before you leave," she said.

That was all I need to hear and my interest was piqued. I spent the next couple of hours wondering what she needed and what my role was to be. We're friends. Our families are friends. Still, on a sliding scale of how well I know her family I would have to say that in reality I really only know them at a two out of ten. Perhaps that's why I was so intrigued at her comment out of the blue.

It wasn't even two hours later that I saw my chance to walk over and speak with her. She was surrounded by her family. Her son had just returned from the Middle East. I was glad he had returned home safely and I told him so.

As I looked straight into his face I remember thinking to myself, "He's so young." But at the same time he has a strong face; I thought for a moment that his rugged jaw might even be made of granite and his eyes of solid blue steel. He has what it takes. He has the look of a man who knows what he wants and the drive and determination to get it no matter what. Still, he's just a boy! Or, maybe I'm just looking at him through aged eyes.

His father's eyes aren't as old as mine, but they're not dancing with the brightness of hope today. They seem a little unsure. They definitely look uncomfortable. I see that a lot these days. People all around me know things have changed; and in most cases not for the better. Perhaps what I am seeing is a weary look. It is the kind of look that can only come from nights filled with worry and at times dread.

Then I looked at her eyes. They were moist, on the verge of tears. Still, they had a hint of determination. It's the look I've seen hundreds of times when someone has made a decision after a long and difficult struggle. Now my mind's question; what was her decision?

I said, "What would you like to talk with me about?"

That was like an invitation for the rest of the family to leave. They seemed to drift into a shadow I couldn't see. They just vanished! It wasn't long before I knew why.

"I need your help as a friend," she said.

"I'm glad to help," I replied.

I don't want to give you all the details of her story. That would be breaking a sacred trust. I will tell you that her story as told to me wasn't too different from my own. This seems to be the case with almost everyone I take the time to listen to. As people, we have a lot more in common than we ever think we do on the surface.

I spent the next few minutes listening. She talked in earnest. As she went through her story I watched the details as they were written in her face. I could feel the emotion as her words danced through my ears. I was eager to learn more.

Aside from her story there's something else interesting here. I've recognized it before. This time though it became so clear to me. The whole time we spent together I probably said fewer than one-hundred words.

There wasn't much I could tell her that she didn't already know. There wasn't much I could do for her that she and her family couldn't or weren't going to do on their own. The most important thing I could do for her was to spend our precious time together simply listening and letting her know that I understood what she and her family were going through.

When we parted I told her I would do what she asked and that I would be happy to help in other ways as well. Her burden wasn't lifted, but it is now shared. As I watched her turn and walk away I could tell she was lighter than before. I didn't do much. I just listened.

I told you before that on a scale, I knew her and her family at about a two. Now I can tell you I know them at about a seven. That's quite a jump after fifteen minutes!

It was an investment I would like to make time and time again. Where else can you get that kind of a return? Our lives were forever changed for the better as a result of this brief encounter.

We hear about "changing lives" often; most of the time we're told it just requires about "thirty-three cents a day." Perhaps that's true. I don't know if I'll ever know for sure.

I do know one thing for sure. There are people all around you that could really benefit from you simply listening to them. They need you to listen to their story. They need you to look into their eyes and read their face. They need someone to help lift their burden. They need you to really get to know who they are and what they're facing.

What will you receive in return? You'll have deeper friendships and a greater satisfaction in your own life! Be an active listener as soon as you can. They're out there waiting for your ears now. If you listen you can hear them calling!

Finding Your Life’s Work

"In order to know what your priorities are, you have to know what your work is."

• David Allen
  

Finding Your Life's Work

Have you ever thought about the difference between "your work" and a job? Lots of people don't know the difference between the two. Perhaps another way to look at this is to ask yourself, "Why do I exist?" After all, the primary purpose for anything provides the core definition of what its "work" really is. I like to think of this as the ultimate work description. Think of this as the genesis of all your goals, visions, objectives, projects, and actions. If you do, you'll soon discover that everything in your life will lead toward your "work."

That's a different thing than saying that everything in life leads to your job. They may not be the same thing. In fact, I think that for most people it's not the same thing. Your work may even have a completely different purpose than your job. Your job may have only one purpose and that purpose may only mean making money.

This week I was thinking about my work as it relates to my job in a different way. If I view my job as simply one small part of my work, does it make a difference in how I do my job? Will I make different decisions in my job if my job supports my work? Will money still be the most important driver in doing my job if I've changed my view of it as a tool in completing my life's work?

Do you know people that have lost a friendship over money? One of my favorite sayings is, "The surest way to lose a friend is to lend her money." In similar fashion, there have been times in my life when I've had to ask myself a very important question, "How much money is this friendship worth to me?

No, I only don't mean that I only want to have friendships with people that provide me with money. But, there have been times when I've had to remind myself of my life's work when doing business with a friend. What will it take to make sure my friend is going to say that I've treated them right? How would I want to be treated in a similar situation? According to the contract, or my word, I only need to do this much to be able to make more money; but, what's the cost of doing only what the contract says I need to do? At the end of a transaction will my friend say, "I'd trust you with anything!"?

So, turn this on its side and think of it from a slightly different view. "The surest way to lose your purposed life is to focus it completely on money."

Have you ever known anyone who is focused only on money? Was it hard to tell what their purpose was?

On the other hand, if someone were to spend time with you would they be able to identify what your life's work is?

My friend Wade Anderson owns Tooele Valley Nursery and after spending time with him I think I have a pretty good idea about what his work in life is. Yes, you may say well, that's an easy one because his work is selling plants.

My reply to that would be no, his job is selling plants, but that's not his work! How do I know? I've watched him work with people over and over again when he's given people an exchange or a refund when he didn't need to. I've seen him give lots of advice to people, including me, without charging a consulting fee. He has a clear approach to his business and as a result, he has a clear approach to his life's work; helping people create beauty in their life by providing counsel and gardening materials (my definition). I think that's a lot different than just selling plants!

If you sell plants, airplanes, shoes, cars, real estate or do anything else for money, ask yourself, "How does this fit into the big picture of my life?" What do I like to do with my time when I have nothing else telling me what to do? What am I doing when I completely lose track of time? If money wasn't a concern, what would I do with my life?

If you can answer these questions then you can begin to create your life rather than simply react to what life's throwing your way. I want you to be able to be like my friend Ron Green when he said to me, "My life turned out exactly the way I wanted it to."

Be an observer this week. Notice what you do and why you do it. Think about your past and notice what you've liked to do and why. Take the time to determine what your life's work is and then go and make it happen!

When You Have a Good Heart

“When you have a good heart it comes back just when you need it.”
- Judith Rasoletti

When You Have a Good Heart

My friend Steve Farley spent the morning working in his yard. He has a very large yard and it’s a lot of work. Just the fence maintenance alone is enough to send shivers down my spine. I say that because I know he has to have a lot of fence to fix because he has goats.

Goats eat just about everything and they also seem to climb up just about anything. I’ve seen them seemingly walk straight up a fence without breaking a sweat! They just get in to a lot of trouble. Steve doesn’t mind though I guess, because he has quite a few goats.

He also keeps a few hives of bees. He was telling me once that “after a while you get used to being stung.” Sorry Steve, I don’t think I would ever get used to it!

I have gotten used to the sweet taste of the exceptional honey he harvests from his beehives. Whenever he’s kind enough to share some with us my whole family gets a greedy look in their eyes the minute it hits the inside of our house. I love the way my girls act calm and proper as he’s giving it to us and then change instantly as soon as they know it’s safe to devour it!

Lots of things change instantly in a person’s life and Steve is no exception. After working in his yard for the morning he still had the energy to work out! He works out like a demon on steroids so he’s in good shape. He’s in real good shape considering the fact that he had his hips replaced a few years ago. I guess he just keeps on moving.

Well, after working out he did just that. He kept moving and went on a walk with a couple of his kids. Then his back started to hurt so he came back in the house to rest.

When the pain in his back became unbearable his wife took him to the hospital where they began to work on controlling the pain. They thought he had pinched a nerve in his back due to his activity so they were monitoring him as if he wasn’t in a life threatening situation.

His wife was there with him when he looked at her and said, “Something’s wrong.”

She stepped out of the room to find someone and when they came back in just moments later he was flat lining!

As it turns out, he did not have a pinched nerve in his back. He had a problem with his heart! And, once the doctors knew that they changed their treatment immediately.

Somehow blood had begun to pool and clot inside one of the chambers of his heart and when a clot began to be pumped out of the chamber it clogged the valve and very little blood, if anything could get through. So, the doctors dissolved the clot and things got better quickly.

To the casual observer it would appear as if Steve has a bad heart. I guess you could say that’s true. But, I know that’s not really the case. I know he has a good heart. How do I know?
I know because anyone who can love a herd of goats has to have a good heart. You know I’m just joking! I know because I watch what he does around my neighborhood. He’s known as the “person with a good heart” because of all of the kindness he shows to everyone.

Kind of interesting to know that about him now isn’t it?

Of course you know I’m talking about a different kind of heart here. But, it’s just as important as the organ we’ve been talking about. People with good hearts make our communities great places to live. You can always tell what kind of contribution someone’s making by what people say when misfortune occurs.

That’s the way it was with Steve. Everywhere I’ve gone, everyone I‘ve spoken with has asked me about his health and if he is going to be alright. They’ve also started to come to help with meals and mundane things such as yard work.

With all this going on around me you can see why I took what Judith Rasoletti said to heart. She knows what she’s talking about. After all, she came here on vacation and loved it so much she packed up her life in Miami and moved here. I love the way she has opened her heart to make such a difference here.

She’s made such a difference here that others have stepped up to help her just when she really needed the help. It’s a beautiful thing when the help comes and it is recognized as a blessing by the receiver!

I know you may be having your struggles right now just like my friends Steve and Judith. But, if there is one thing I know for sure it’s that good things will happen for you right when you need them to. I’ve seen it too many times to deny it. So, start to look for the good to begin to come and you’ll see it; but make sure you’re open to receiving the goodness in ways you haven’t anticipated. That’s what will make it truly miraculous!