Peace Offering

 

“Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind.  To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy is to have the real spirit of Christmas.” – Calvin Coolidge

Peace Offering

“I was out of money!”  Sharon said.  “So, I went to a business, I owed money to, so I could tell them I didn’t have enough funds to pay them right now.  I was hoping they would give me more time to get them their money.”

What happened to Sharon while in that same store surprised and touched her.  The man behind the counter pulled out his wallet and handed her some of his own money saying, “I hope this helps” while offering Sharon Newton a heartfelt-gift. Such offered, voluntary compassion to another, unknown person, brings to mind a statement once made by Calvin Coolidge.

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind.  To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy is to have the real spirit of Christmas.”

Oliver Burkeman, author of “Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals” wrote about this very same type of personalized giving by counseling everyone to “see that preparing nutritious meals for your children might matter as much as anything could ever matter, even if you won’t be winning any cooking awards; or that your novel’s worth writing if it moves or entertains a handful of your contemporaries, even though you know you’re no Tolstoy; or that virtually any career might be a worthwhile way to spend a working life if it makes things slightly better for those it serves.”

Sharon has always been believed in following such a path of service in life.  She made it her life’s work as teacher of language to children for her entire career.  And now, even though she’s retired from professional teaching, her commitment to blessing lives, one by one, has not waned in the slightest; as witnessed by one of her friend’s again just days ago.

Sharon wanted to give a holiday gift to her friend, even as her finances were wearing thin.  She’s been giving of herself for so long that it didn’t take her but mere moments to decide how to express her love to this friend.  Here’s how her friend described Sharon’s offering of affection.

“I went to visit Sharon to make sure all was well.  I also wanted to give her a small Christmas gift and wish her all my best.  She’s always doing so much for the children she volunteers to teach.  But, just after I offered my small token to her she touched my heart by giving me something precious.  A gift which was truly from her heart.”

Upon Sharon’s graceful reception of her friend’s gift she proffered a boxed gift of her own to her friend, saying, “I wanted to give you something special.  I’ve been collecting these over the years and they’re dear to me.  Just like you are.”

The gift Sharon gave her friend was more than just the annually collected, china ornaments contained in the box.  She was offering a portion of herself, plenteous mercy, goodwill as well as the cherished peace obtainable only through heartfelt friendship.

“I was out of money!”  Sharon said to a group of her friends at a cordial gathering.  “So, I went to a business, I owed money to, and told them I didn’t have the funds to pay them right now.  I was hoping they would give me more time to get them their money.”

What happened to Sharon while in that same store surprised and touched her.  The man behind the counter pulled out his wallet and handed her some of his own money saying, “I hope this helps” while offering Sharon Newton a heartfelt-gift. 

Such voluntary compassion given freely by both this unknown man and Sharon are validations of their conviction and commitment to establish peace on earth.

No one is meant to go through this life alone.  Just imagine if everyone continually gave offerings of peace, just as Sharon and the giving-man behind the counter.

Blind Resolve

“Life is not about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself.” – Lolly Daskal

Blind Resolve

“It’s interesting that you used the word quit.”  Steve said.

That’s because Steve Maranville has heard that word for more than sixty years.

“My forty-fifth-year high school class reunion is coming up soon.”  Steve continued.  “I’ve been in contact with a few of my classmates over the years, but not very many of them.”

So, he decided to begin to reach out to more classmates so he could discover what his peers had been up to over these many years.  It would allow him to enjoy a reunion with more depth centered on personal connection.  What he didn’t anticipate was an illumination.  An enlightenment concerning the difference between living with goals compared to living with resolution.

“One of my Classmates said something interesting to me.”  Steve elaborated.  “He said, ‘if anyone had a reason to quit it was you!’”

While attending high school Steve was legally blind.  But, he still had some vision in his eyes as well as a vision of who he could become, something the eyes of others couldn’t see, inside himself.  He also had something to prove to the world.  There was something, a feeling, deep in his core, his very soul, that propelled him toward proving himself to everyone, most importantly to himself.

“My Classmate’s comment about having a reason to quit brought a key distinction to my mind.”  Steve explained.  “There is a difference between living a goal focused life and living with resolve!”

Steve was once a professor in a prestigious university business school.  Now he’s a highly regarded and sought-after advisor to entrepreneurs seeking to build “unicorn” companies.  And, he is foremost and will always be a master teacher.

“Everyone will face moments in life when they want to quit.”  He imparted. “That’s the moment when a person has an internal confrontation.  They have a choice at that very moment.  Do I have a goal or do I have resolve?”

Here’s a brief description of what Steve calls “Blind Resolve.” 

A goal is just something out there on the horizon.  It hasn’t occurred yet.  It’s something you may accomplish in the future.  “I call that living with hope!”  Steve explains.

A resolution is very different! “I call it living in real-time, faith, knowing, right now, that you've already done it, become transformed.  It is an immediate change. It is a made decision!”

Living with resolve is the definition of living fully in faith.  It is Blind Resolve.

Blind Resolve means being blind to all of the hurdles and reasons you can’t or won’t become the person you dream of becoming.  You only see that you’re already that person.  It’s who you are now, in this moment.  The option of quitting has passed.

“It’s interesting that you used the word quit.”  Steve said as we talked about events and circumstances that had become the stimulus of immense personal transformation that had occurred in our lives over the past year.  The statement was Steve’s precursor; an introduction to a master teacher’s lesson about the distinction between living in hope and living in faith.

The difference is Blind Resolve.

Windbreak

Joshua Moppin, acting as a windbreak for his children.

Windbreak

It felt as if it had turned winter overnight.  The day before had been beautiful; an azure blue sky, a light breeze, with a temperature in the low 70’s.  Now the wind was coming from the north.  It was sort of stiff.  It was chilling for sure and standing on the cold cement of a residential driveway seemed to allow nature’s cold to climb into our feet, up our legs and then into the core of our chests where it was greeting the wind.  Joshua and I were feeling uncomfortable because of the weather.  Yet his eyes were pleading for another reason.

““It’s hard to get up every day, put a smile on my face and go to work when I’m struggling for my kids.”  He said.  “I’ve been spending the last few nights at the hospital because my daughter’s there and she needs me now, more than ever.”

His words joined in with the icy wind beating against my chest.

“I don’t know what’s happened!”  He continued.  “When my kids were little they were so joyful and fun to be with.  Now, as teenagers, they seem to be confused about their capabilities and future.”

We continued to talk.  There on that cold driveway, battling icy winds.  Nature’s blustering was a clear reminder that winter had arrived and the societal headwinds that Joshua is experiencing is blowing against all of us, as parents.  He, like lots of others, is working to protect the people he ushered into the world.  And, our conversation was acting as the windbreak Joshua needed in the moment.

I first learned of the importance of a windbreak as a child, while traveling by car over the windswept plains of Wyoming during the winter.  My parents pointed out the large brown horizontal-slat-fences that stood guard along I-80.  They told me of their two-fold purpose.  First, to slow the howling wind as it rushed ferociously across the land.  Second, to capture as much blowing snow as possible.  In short, their job is to help keep the road, where they stand, clearer, so travelers can continue forward more safely.  Still, there are times when the essential work they do isn’t enough and some people die.  Yet, when I drove that same freeway, east bound, about one year ago, fifty or so years later, those fences were still there, standing as sentinels, helping me pass through the teeth of a frightening winter storm.

While standing on the concrete looking in that same easterly direction, Joshua reminded me of those solitary sentinels.  Here’s what I saw as I marveled at his strength of purpose.

First, Joshua knows that even though he and his teenaged children are battling buffeting winds now, that won’t always be the case.  If he can shelter his loved ones from the very worst, perhaps they’ll have a chance to learn important lessons while still being able to live successful lives over time.

Second, he is continuing to model a way of living that will help show others the way toward success.  He can do this himself, independently.  But, there is no way for him for force others into finding and accepting the shelter of his demonstrated path.

Third, he knows there is only so much he can do.  The dreaded possibility that he may not be able to save everyone he holds dear will continue to worry him if the winds his loved-ones venture into become too violent.

Fourth, he firmly holds on to the knowledge that the only way to defeat violence is through strong, never failing love.  Nothing can stop him from demonstrating that love, no matter the strength of the winds he’s laboring to break.

Finally, Joshua now knows that he has at least one friend and ally who will stand with him. Because I told him I would during our time together.

As Joshua and I talked together It felt as if it had turned winter overnight.  The day before had been beautiful; an azure blue sky, a light breeze, with a temperature in the low 70’s.  Now the wind was coming from the north.  It was sort of stiff.  It was chilling for sure and standing on the cold cement of a residential driveway seemed to allow nature’s cold to climb into our feet, up our legs and then into the core of our chests where it was greeting the wind.  Joshua and I were feeling uncomfortable because of the weather.  Yet his eyes were showing the deepest kind of strength.

Joshua Moppin’s warm, boundless affection is acting as a windbreak for his children as they struggle to grow into his love.

The Coincidence-Connection

“Are you looking for information?” - Jacquie Brockhoff

The Coincidence-Connection

It was unfamiliar territory.  You know how it is.  You’re driving around and see a neighborhood, a place, that catches your attention for some reason. That was the case on this bright day.  And so, for some reason I stopped the car right there on the corner, off the state highway, so I could look, discover, more intently at what it was that caught my attention.  When I did, something else caught my notice.

Another car, headed in the opposite direction stopped right next to me.  The driver, a woman, lowered her window and asked, “Are you looking at our neighborhood?”

“Yes.”  I replied.

“Great she said!  I’ve lived here for a couple of years and I love it!  There are three model homes right there.”  She said, pointing to the first home on my right.  “Would you like to walk through them with me?” Jacquie Brockhoff continued, with a friendly, warm, energetic smile.

Though hesitant, because I was still unsure of why I had stopped there, I accepted her invitation.  We spent the next twenty minutes, or so, walking through the three homes and getting to know each other a little bit.

As it turned out, Jacquie doesn’t work for the builder of the homes we toured that day.  She doesn’t even sell real estate.  She works for a company called Tankersley UniProl Foodservice, where she acts as a Seafood Specialist.  She said, “I just had a feeling I should stop and help you.”

I’ve been pondering her kind assistance and this experience over the past six months, or so, trying to discover a reason for this coincidence.  Why was I drawn to that place, on that day and time?  Why did Jacquie stop to help me, a perfect stranger?  Was there a message in this occurrence for me?  An answer to this question didn’t take long to arrive in the form of another person.

Less than one month later a friend of mine, Susan Monroe, currently living in Sacramento came to visit.  During her visit Susan, Justin and I spent a few minutes strolling through a gallery, filled with exceptional pieces of art.  The beauty surrounding us seemed to open her mouth and she confided, “I need to leave Sacramento. I can do my work from anywhere and I’ve been looking for the right place to live.  I am pretty sure this is the right place.”

She went on to describe her ideal home and neighborhood.  We talked about it over the three days she was visiting and to my surprise she described the neighborhood Jacquie had shown me!  I just knew it.  So, Susan, Justin and I drove over to the neighborhood together.  She and Justin loved it, and now in two weeks, Susan and Justin will be renting a home there. Coincidence?  Another message?

Are there really any coincidences in our lives?  While asking myself this question I’ve thought back on many other interesting coincidences that have occurred over time.  And, a noticeable pattern has come more into focus.

Our universe is made up of energy, energy that responds to our expectations.  People are part of that energy universe too, so when we have a question, the people who have the answer show up to deliver it to us.  And now, I’m just trying to get this through my head.

Everyone who crosses our path has a message for us.  Otherwise they would have taken another path, or left earlier or later.  The fact that these people, like Jacquie and Susan, come at a specific moment means that they are there for a reason.  The hard part is figuring out who to take time to talk with when talking with everyone is impossible!  That means it’s essential to develop a sense of recognition.

How do you do that?

The first step is to begin to analyze the coincidences that naturally come your way.  See them for what they are.  An opportunity to receive an important message.

The second step is to make a corollary recognition; you also have important messages to deliver to the people with whom you “coincidently” come into contact with.

Finally, remember to always keep your own particular questions in mind.  That way you will be able to benefit more quickly than those not consciously making the coincidence-connection.  Even people who are still unaware of this coincidence phenomenon can stumble into answers and see coincidences in retrospect.  

Using retrospective reflection will open the way for you to see concurrences as a source for answers as they arrive, so your everyday proficiency will be heightened.

For most of us, this is unfamiliar territory. But, you’ll know how it really is.  You’ll be living your life naturally, when someone or something catches your attention for some reason. That can be the case every day if you keep our particular questions in the forefront of your mind.  You can assume every event; every meeting has significance and contains messages that somehow pertain to answering the questions you’re grappling with.

But, there’s one more thing. The key to this.  Being able to really use the coincidence-connection to its full measure, additionally means, speaking-up, entering into an exchange. It’s also when it is your moment to give a message to others.  Because it is someone else’s coincidence too.

Silver Linings

The silvery tree discovered on an early November morning.

Silver Linings

The dim light of early morning was interrupted by the silvery frame of an almost leafless tree standing alone in the center of a green-space island.  Its bright-white-outline captured my sight immediately.  But, the striking color of the trunk and branches weren’t what kept my interest riveted there.

My eyes followed the arching curve of the tree’s life-story telling, gnarly branches.  “This tree has been through a lot!”  I thought as I studied its unique, illuminous shape.  “Yet, it maintains a striking stature and color.  It depicts the living of life focused on silver linings.”

Its silvery color causes it stand out from the trees in the small forest just across the road.  At one time there were also likely other trees surrounding this iconic tree.  That was before the business park, in which it now lives, was constructed.  Those other trees as all gone, but this one was deemed special, different from the others.  So, it was preserved, I imagine.  It is a piece of living art.

The art of living is something I think about a lot.  Because, a human life, like the life of a tree can take all types of twists and turns.  And, the way a person perceives his or her own storyline is what yields the possibility of turning the commonplace into something of striking beauty or ugliness. It is a comparative story of how one chooses between artfully living a life filled with silver linings, or living a dreary existence as though sentenced to a life filled with sadness and despair.  It is a decision of branching and trajectory.

The measure of a full tree, just like one’s life, can’t be wholly viewed by looking at one single branch.  It must be taken in, whole.  That’s not always easy when life gets busy and you lose your focus on who you want to be.  To do so one must take the time to step out of the current circumstance, once in a while, and complete the exercise of viewing one’s life in its entirety; as if it is a story being acted out in front of an observer.  If done, you and I will be able to see things in a whole new light.

One friend, now a retired attorney, told me that once he completed this rehearsal of individual storytelling, he could see that even the hard times he had faced during his life had turned out to be valuable, exceptional, focused periods of growth.  “I had never thought of my trials as being really great experiences before.  Now I view them as silver linings in my life!  I can see them as opportunities which created beautiful, gnarly branches of character that have given my life added interest and reward.”  He added with a sparkle in his eyes that seemed to make his entire countenance glow.

As he spoke to me, just two hours after I discovered the silvery tree, I could see that his inner glow was all the more visible because of his decision to allow the dead leaves of his past, potential distractions, to fall away.  I could see his strong trunk and gnarled, artfully curving branches spreading out, on full silvery-display, as a result.

My early morning errand had been punctuated by the silvery frame of an almost leafless tree standing alone in the center of a green-space island.  Its bright-white-outline captured my sight immediately and pushed the dim of early morning’s light to illumination though its majestic glow.  But, the striking color of the trunk and branches weren’t what kept my interest riveted there.

My eyes followed the arching curve of the tree’s life-storytelling-trunk and gnarly branches.  “This tree has been through a lot!”  I thought as I studied its unique, illuminous shape.  “Yet, it exhibits a striking stature and color.  It depicts the living of life focused on silver linings.”  Just like my friend’s echoed rehearsal of his own experience.

Both, the tree and the man, resonated a tale of how the hard times you and I will surely face during our lives will turn into valuable, exceptional, focused periods of growth if we will choose to view them through a view trained on seeing the accompanying silver linings!

In the Mirror

“Find a safe place and give yourself permission to heal.” – Christine Hanson

In the Mirror

“I was there!”  Christine Hanson explained.  “When I looked in my own mirror I no longer recognized myself.”

That reflective moment was when Christine knew she had to do something different.  But, she knew she needed to do more than simply change the outward expression of her life.  She needed to rediscover who she was.  The real her.

“I needed to find that person I was on the inside again!  Not Christine the business owner.  Not Christine the boss.  Not even the version of Christine as a daughter or friend.  I needed to reconnect with myself deeply.”

So, she asked herself two questions.  First.  Do I need to do something different?  Second.  What will allow me to feel like me again?  Her answer to these two questions was really the beginning of a four-month journey outside of the mirror.

“Answering the first question was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done!  After all, I had to walk into my business, the one I created, and tell everyone there, who depended on me, that I was leaving!  I knew there were far more people who would be affected by my decision to leave the mirror behind than those directly in my employ.  They all had loved ones who depended on them.  It was important for me to move forward carefully, in a nondestructive way!”

That’s why she met privately with her personal assistant.  They talked and worked together to set up a solid plan to ensure they could keep the business operating successfully without having the founder anywhere in sight.  Not just off site, but completely absent for the coming months.

“I’ll never forget the look on my assistant’s face as I told her that I was leaving to ride a motorcycle across South America for the next four months!”

With the initial shock behind them, Christine and her assistant completed their planning phase.  Then Christine cut the cord, so to speak.  She handed her assistant her cell phone and her keys, gave her a heartfelt thank you and climbed on her motorcycle to hit the open road.

Paving the way for her journey was key.  She had to be willing to adjust her life so she could become free to explore. After that, her plan was to simply ride.  No daily schedule.  No list of things to do.  No phone.  No email.  No communication with her life back in the “mirror of the real world.”

“I had to give myself permission to disconnect!”  Christine explains.  “Disconnecting allowed me to understand that you cannot give what you don’t have!”

She was running on empty; on the inside.  The intention of her adventure was simple.

Heal.

Christine realized that she could only heal from the inside out and that in order to stay healthy after her trip she would need to change habits that hadn’t been serving her own best interest.  Here are two new important habits of healing she discovered through her journey and is now vigilant about keeping in place.

Focus on your surroundings.  

1. Make sure to surround yourself with joy.

2. Select friends who are a reflection of who you are. 

3. Stay focused on what really matters to you. 

4. Know that where you are today, this very moment, is just fine.  

5. Enjoy the ride!

Love who you are.

1. Give yourself recognition for doing the best you can do.

2. Allow for flexibility in every aspect of your life.

3. Be “life-wise” by living in the present and having a short memory.

4. Find a safe place and give yourself permission to heal.

“Before instituting these two habits of healing I was there!”  Christine Hanson said.  “When I looked in my own mirror I no longer recognized myself.”

Who’s reflection are you and I seeing in the mirror today?

Defy Gravity

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” – Sydney J. Harris

Defy Gravity

The received photo was of a beautiful scene.  It was also a description of regret and promise.

Regret because it was a solid reminder that summer was over.  The season had turned to fall.  Yellow, gold and green foliage burst beneath an azure blue sky with a double dose of color.  Double because the colors also reflected off of the water which lapped near the roots of the showy trees.  Some leaves were drifting from lofty heights toward the ground and water below as if to speak as a hint.  While the season was still solidly in the middle of fall, winter was surely coming soon and there was a tinge of regret for things undone during the summer.

It had been a wonderful summer.  Yet, the scene captured in the photo brought to mind a quote from Sydney J. Harris.  “Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”

The enjoyment of summer’s pleasure was at an end to be sure.  Outdoor swimming pools were now closed.  Romantic sidewalk cafes were no longer offered as a rendezvous place with loved ones.  And, picnics spread under tall trees on the comfort of green grass are now at pause.  Of course, you and I enjoyed these activities, but never enough.  Hence, inconsolability.  And, the bright, colorful leaves floating on the crisp air were also speaking of promise.

Holly Mabery, who was speaking to me just yesterday of eating the frogs of life first, also spoke of such promise as my mind was floating between the photo’s images of fall foliage and our conversation about how to change one’s relationship to gravity.  “We don’t rise to the level of our goals, but fall to the level of our habits.”  She said.

Habits, like the changing seasons most often continue with hardly a thought.  Still, there are some common reminders to remind us that one isn’t necessarily bound to them as if by gravitational force.  New Year’s resolutions are one seemingly universal example.  Of such, Holly paused in her speaking, just before she asked me an important question.

“Why wait for a specific moment to make a change?  You have the power to make the change in this moment.”

We are what we repeatedly do.  Our lives are but a collection of our own repetitively.  So, how do we live a life filled with less regret?  How do you and I exit the gravitational pull of wrote, reactionary living?  We simply choose to defy gravity.

Defying gravity could also be characterized as living life with our desired ending in mind.  And, just like there are seasonal stages, there are distinct stages in defying gravity.

Master. Mentor. Make a difference.

First, master the art of caring for people.  Putting people first is the greatest attribute of leadership. This is demonstrated by showing others that you want them to succeed as much as you want to succeed yourself.

Second, mentor others, where ever you are.  Actively reach out to the people you live and work with. Make a point of passing what you’ve learned personally and professionally on to them.

Third, make a difference by creating a thoughtful legacy plan.  Ask yourself, “How do I want to be remembered?”  Then, go out every day and create new habits, habits that will accumulate to create the person you’ve dreamt of becoming.

The dreamy photo I received electronically was of a beautiful fall scene; one to be remembered for sure.  It was also a vision of regret and promise.

Regret because it was a solid reminder that summer was over.  The season had turned to fall.  Yellow, gold and green foliage burst beneath an azure blue sky with a double dose of color.  Double because the colors also reflected off of the water which lapped near the roots of the showy trees.  Gravity was causing some leaves to drift from lofty heights toward the ground and water below as if to speak as a hint.  While the season was still solidly in the middle of fall, winter was surely coming soon and there was a tinge of regret for things undone during the summer.  And, just like there are seasonal stages, there are distinct stages in defying gravity.

Master, Mentor. Make a difference.  Defy gravity!

Billows

“I wanted to give you an update, but I am actually going to make it detailed because there is no way you could dream up and write this story!” – Dan Nichols

 

Billows

There are times in life when a person is tested and stressed to the extreme.  It happens to every one of us at one time or another.  It’s a time when the billows, used as part of life’s refining process, are blowing seemingly insurmountable problems, continually.  This just happens to be one of those exceptional times for Dan.  Here’s part of his story.  A story about the refining process he’s been experiencing over the past 10 days.

“My mom calls me at 4:30 a.m. letting me know she has called 911, as my dad says he can’t breathe. I rush to their home which is 8 miles away and take him to the ER. After most of the day he is admitted to ICU and spends the next 8 days, mostly in ICU dealing with some kind of infection in his lungs. As you all know, my mom is on hospice and unable to walk. We have help for her in the mornings from hospice and then an aid, that we pay for, during the day until 3 p.m. This means I need to balance dealing with him in the hospital and my mom’s needs at their home in the afternoons, evenings and night. I am used to doing a lot of this already, but normally I only need to be there between 6 – 9 p.m. to help with dinner and get her to bed.”  Dan starts. 

Dan’s feelings are the most recognizable part, as he starts his story; more than his circumstances.  That’s because his expressed feelings are just like yours and mine.  After all, who hasn’t been faced with times when they feel “like too little butter spread over too much toast?”  And, while the causes and situations of human tests and stresses vary, you and I can relate to Dan’s current circumstance and see how it sheds light on how such trials can enhance us, as if we’re jointly going through a refining process; the proverbial “refining pot” as described in many ancient texts.

As he continues, one can almost hear the refiner’s-billows, as if they’re blowing his story forward and breathing it deep into the human chest.

“After a few days, my dad is discharged from the hospital.  I pick him up, but he’s still weak and his legs are clearly getting weaker. I get him home in the late afternoon and get him settled in a chair. Then, I get my mom settled for the night and head home for the first time in over a week. Not long after arriving at my home I get a call from my dad at 10 p.m.  He says that he’s struggling to breathe, so I head back over to his house. I get him in bed and comfortable after a while, then I head back home at about 11:30 p.m. and try and settle myself in for the night.  At 1:45 a.m. my cell rings and it is my dad again; he has fallen and is tangled in his walker and can’t even get to a sitting position. So, I rush over and help untangle him from the walker and then drag him a little so I can get him into a better position on the floor. That’s when I call the paramedics so they can help me get him up from the floor (my back is so bad from trying to help lift the two of them over the years that I can’t do much to help anymore).”

Dan’s voice continues to act as billows to guide more reminders into the heart.  It delivers another prompt.  Extreme heat separates embedded impurities from what is precious. It allows impurities to be removed.  It makes the precious more valuable.

“This is refining Dan!”  Is the message billowed forward, as he continued his story.  “His heart is becoming more purified through this experience!”

“The next day, Dad is pretty out of it, so I come over to help with mom, before I head over to the University so I can go to a much-anticipated football game.  I’m enjoying the game right up to halftime, about 10 p.m. That’s when I get a call from my mom that dad has fallen again and is on the floor in the hall, bleeding!”  Dan says.

The refining billows are saying, wise people recognize, that just like crisis and opportunity, stress and growth are interdependent. Avoid one and you miss the other.

Another gust pushes through the refining-bellows whispering more of Dan’s seemingly “bad” news.

“The bad news?” I think, “is you can’t always control the timing, intensity or duration of personal external stressors. Stuff happens! Often without much warning.” Dan says as if adding illustration to his story.  “The best you can do is to stay prepared and approach adversity with realism and resolve.  That means confronting the brutal facts and then going to work.”

“The good news?”  Dan says as he pushes forward with the telling of his story, “Is that you and I can make controlled-use of difficult life experiences.  We just have to understand the refining process and what it does for us!”  

Here’s how Dan is getting through his personalized refining experience.

Dan knows who he really is.  His core value and motivation are centered in love.  So, even when he doesn’t think he can take it anymore, he can keep going.  Because knowing who he really is, where he’s headed and what’s important in his life has given him clarity. Even when the smoke blown from refining-billows has become thick and confounding.

Dan’s clarity motivates consistency and persistent action, while navigating the inevitable ups downs he’s facing as a result of his mom and dad’s age and health issues.  His clarity, based on his core value of love, keeps him on track when exhaustion, distractions and temptations could otherwise threaten to derail him.

There are times in life when a person is tested and stressed to the extreme.  It happens to every one of us at one time or another.  It’s a time when the refining-billows, used as part of life’s purifying process, are blowing seemingly insurmountable problems continually.  This just happens to be one of those times for Dan Nichols.

It’s also a time when his goodness is being drawn out, so it can come to the surface.  His impurities are being pushed aside.  

Now, he has a more purified heart.  A heart that’s being refined into pure gold.

Colors

The Sprain Brook Parkway Fall Colors

Colors

Bright colors.  Red, gold, yellow and still some green were like eye candy in every direction.  There were even punctuations of water, crossed by artfully designed bridges.  They seemed to act as picture frames for the bright, orange sunset just to the west, while driving south on the Sprain Brook Parkway toward New York City.  It was all the perfect color pallet to validate the end of one day’s event and the beginning of new relationships.

The colorful display confirmed the feeling that the different colors radiating from a variety of trees create much more pleasure for the eye than summer’s more monotone greenery.  Just as the coming together of two different families had done during the day’s earlier wedding which was enveloped by nature’s colorful display.  Both the wedding and nature were a varied display of differences and similarities.

The differences between the two families seemed to be as vast as the surrounding forest at first.  The languages were different, the national origins were not the same and the cultures disparate.  Other observers, passing by on their Saturday outings, out to enjoy nature’s magnificent colors, may have been as fascinated by the two differing groups of wedding revelers, gathered under a large pavilion in Franklin D. Roosevelt State Park, as they were by the glowing leaves they’d come to experience.  If that was the case, it would have been the result of the brevity of their observation.  After all, reaching the apex of colorful foliage takes time; patience and seasonal progression.  Such was the human dynamic during this late October wedding and celebration.

As the bride and groom stood next to a flower-laced arbor, headed by an officiator, there was a dynamic separation.  The groom’s guests stood on one side and the bride’s guests stood on the other.  Both sets of eyes expressed uncertainty.

It was a natural insecurity of the unknown. A recognition of dissimilarity.  Even with the obvious certainty of purpose and similarities of all attending the event.  Both of which were clarified upon the conclusion of both spoken and emotional vows composed by the man and woman newly wed.  It was a truly a new beginning.  The beginning of the melding of people as part of a greater kaleidoscope so fittingly expressed by the beauty of differing fall colors, welcoming all into the perfect Thanksgiving-portrait-like view-scape surrounding them.

The desire to capture the moment, to become joined with it, began in earnest with an explosion of applause and joyous verbal expression.  The photographer then activated further work of inclusion as attendees were formed into fresh, assimilated groups, posing as one for the very first time.  Then, they all enjoyed food and drink in unison.  They even danced around the youth of the moment, which was commenced by an uninhibited five-year-old boy who took it upon himself to boost the music’s volume, to match the vivid color, and dance with abandon.  

Soon, people who didn’t share the same first language or culture began to imitate the boy’s imaginative and unrehearsed dance moves. It all produced bright smiles on every face.  It was a combination that led to warm embraces, a universal gesture of love, of as a sign of complete unification; the completion of a new, broader and more colorful portrait of thanksgiving.

The most beautiful thanksgiving pictures integrate the use of differing color. Bright colors.  Reds, golds, yellows and still some greens to provide variety for the eye.  They even contain punctuations of water, crossed by artfully designed bridges which act as picture frames for bright, orange sunsets posing in the western sky.  Perfect, varied pallets validate the end of one season as well as the beginning of new relationships between different peoples becoming one through offered love, understanding and of course, enhanced color.

Breadcrumbs

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you start to be happy.” – Night Bird

Breadcrumbs

When she came out onto the stage she just stood there looking strangely confident and fearful at the same time.  I’m pretty sure no one in the audience knew anything about her.  Not one of us knew anything about her personally or professionally.  And, no one had any idea of her story of life.  Not just her life, but everyone’s life.

“This is an original song.  I’m Night Bird.”  She said in a gentle voice as she looked out against the lights glaring into her eyes.

For some reason, at that moment, I don’t know why, I thought of my friend Scott Banning as her words wafted into my ears.

“It was time for me to save myself.”  Scott once said to me as he described the hard choices he had recently made in his life.  “Some don’t do it in time.  Then one day comes and their time has passed.  They can’t turn their lives back toward safety and happiness.  They don’t know how to get there anymore.  They can’t see the path.”

Night Bird’s path was being sung to everyone in the audience.  But, I don’t know if they heard her giving out the breadcrumbs that would allow them to save their own lives, to find personal happiness.  I heard them though.  They spoke to me as small pieces of truth, crumbs to follow toward saving my life and their lives too; to find happiness again, or for the first time.

Crumb One.  Look outside.  Or, maybe a better way of saying this is, don’t look through your own eyes without seeing.  Become a witness to what others around you are doing, what they’re going through.  Then, do small things to help in the moment.

Give someone who has fallen a hand-up.  Greet a passerby with a smile and a cherry hello.  Catch someone else doing good.

Crumb Two.  Look inside.  Take time to feel grateful for everything you have.  Try it.  It will open you up to receive new opportunities.  Or, maybe it will just open your eyes to see options to sing a new personal story, one not visible through cloudy eyes?

Crumb Three.  Remember that everyone has a story.  You and I just haven’t read it yet.  Until we take the time to listen to another’s story, it will remain unwritten in our hearts.  The best way to create, or deepen a relationship is to listen.

Crumb Four.  Listening is the greatest sign of personal respect.  It’s also the gateway to kindness.  Who doesn’t want to be kind to someone else upon walking in their shoes for a while?  It’s a proven conduit to empathy and catalyst to serving others.

Final morsel. Go out and do small acts of goodness.  Yes, if you haven’t followed these breadcrumbs before, the path they lead to can be scary!  So, when you feel afraid ask, “What could this open up for me?”  Then, pick up the first crumb and try it before you stoop down to accept the next one.  

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you start to be happy.”  She said as her musical breadcrumbs came to a melodic crescendo with a roar from all listeners.  

When she came out onto the stage she just stood there looking strangely confident and fearful at the same time.  I’m pretty sure no one in the audience knew anything about her. Not one of us knew anything about her personally or professionally.  And, no one had any idea of her story of life.  Not just her life, but everyone’s life.

Is it time to you to save your own life?

Coming to Life

“I change with each expressive stroke and the painting comes into being; into life!” – Scott White

Coming to Life

“I began drawing when I was much younger.”  Scott White said as he walked into the Gallery on the Square.

His eyes darted from painting to painting; seemingly drinking in the brush strokes, the paint itself, the canvas and even the frames.  It all seemed to expand the twinkle in his eyes into a bright fire.  The art, his art and the art created by others, was clearly consuming his soul as if the fire-twinkle in his eyes was spreading into every other portion of his being.  But it wasn’t always that way.

“I quit drawing when my wife and I began having children.  It just seemed as if my children and my work were consuming my entire life.  Then, one day, my Pastor gave me an invitation.”

Scott’s Pastor knows him well.  He even recognized a burning ember hiding inside of him.

“I’m preparing a sermon series based on the Lord’s Prayer.”  Scott’s Pastor said to him one day.  “I’d like to have an artist create a painting for each portion.  Would you be willing to create some complimentary art to go along with it?”

Scott was a little perplexed by this invitation at first and replied, “You know my emphasis in painting is abstract, right?”

“Yes.”  His Pastor said with a matching, abstract grin.

“Well, I don’t quite know how this all fits, but I’ll give it a try.”  Scott said out of respect.

A few days later he picked up his brushes, after allowing the invitation fan a spark inside.  Then, when he made his first attempt at painting again, it was as if those brushes fanned the artistic ember within into a living flame and a new way of approaching life.

“I start out with an idea.”  Scott says of his approach.  “I put brush to canvas and the art seems to spark to life.  It isn’t so much that the painting paints itself.  It’s more like a partnership, the process of creating the painting reveals me!  The painting and I come to life together.  I change with each expressive stroke and the painting comes into being; to life!”

Scott’s ability to recognize this process is also reflective in the way he displays his work.  He arranges his work by phase. 

“The problem is that we’re running out of wall space in our house!”  He says with a chuckle.  “My work has changed over the years.  So, we’ve arranged my paintings in phases.  My work has morphed over the years and it just keeps growing.”

The role of his art has also grown in his life.  He’s still working at his “day job” now.  He paints as a hobby.  But, he’s looking forward to the day when his living experience completely shifts.

“I’m 65 now.”  He confides.  “I hope to flip my use of time to the creation of art first, with my job taking up less and less of my time.  It’s all because of one invitation.  That invitation from my Pastor.”

That sermon series based on the Lord’s Prayer was fully supported by complimentary paintings created by Scott.

“The combination of the Lord’s Prayer and my painting was the start of a new way of living for me; a more fulfilling approach to life.  Now I don’t let my preconceived notions rule the way I move into my future.  I relish the process of living my way forward by receiving each moment and living it as it happens; as it comes to life!”  Scott said, as the fire in his eyes brightened and he finished his story.

“I began drawing when I was much younger.”  Scott White said when he walked into the Gallery on the Square.

His eyes darted from painting to painting; seemingly drinking in the brush strokes, the paint itself, the canvas and even the frames.  It all seemed to expand the twinkle in his eyes into a bright fire.  The art, his art and the art created by others, was clearly consuming his soul as if the fire-twinkle in his eyes was spreading into every other portion of his being.  Because it has.  But, it’s more than that.

His art is an invitation for him.  An invitation for him to come to life!

A Face of Triumph

A woman crossing the finish line during event take down.

A Face of Triumph

Potential early morning triumph brought throngs of competitors and their supporters to the town square and the finish line for an early fall marathon. People were lining the road leading to the finish line holding signs and cheering as runners charged forward toward the end of their run and the carnival-like atmosphere there, around the main stage.

That platform held a live band which was blasting music to surround everyone as they milled around, laughed and sampled products from the event sponsors.  Smiles of individual achievement were on almost every face and many people were wearing race medals around their necks which certified they had completed the course.  It was like a vast party on the square.

And, like the race, the party was coming to an end.  The racers, their supporters and the vendors began taking their success and grins toward other destinations and activities.  It wasn’t like a rush to an exit.  It was more like a trickle at first, almost imperceptible in effect, sort of like the steady stream of slower runners still pounding the street toward completion, victory and conclusion.

Soon, the crowd was gone, the music stopped and trucks were loaded with barricades, tents and all pieces of the stage.  It looked like the end of the event.  But it was neither the end of event nor the end of triumph.  As it turns out, one more competitor would cross the finish line.

Few would see her trudging forward, but there were a few.  You see, it had been hours since the first competitors completed their run for glory.  So, it had to be more than the sight of her running that caught my attention.  There was also the crisp staccato of appreciative clapping.  But, neither of those stimulants cemented the significance that this runner delivered with her finish.

It was the look on her face.  Hers was the genuine face of triumph.

Potential early morning triumph brought throngs of competitors and their supporters to the town square and the finish line for an end to an early fall marathon. People were lining the road leading to the finish line, holding signs and cheering as runners charged forward toward the end of their successful run.  It was a carnival-like atmosphere there around the main stage.

Now that stage was gone.  The metals had been awarded and the crowd had vanished.

“Too bad!” I thought.  “They missed what very few saw; an improbable victory.”

It was not a victory over others.  It was a victory of one, the joyful face of a person who had faced true struggle and defeated it.  It was the look of satisfaction.  She, the last runner to finish, displayed the face of triumph for all of us, because many of us have been in her shoes.  I know I have.

I treasured the sight of her victory because it reminded me of the value of such personal triumph.  It resonates with the heart.  Her amazing finish displayed the gratification of completing something no one else thought she could.  It personified the rewards of defeating one’s own self-doubt.

The last runner to finish the race wore the face of triumph for herself and for all of us.

Unexpected

“It was such a stressful time my hair began to fall out!” Meme Skuas

Unexpected

It was a huge tent, filled with people.  That’s because it was a celebration of sorts; just not the expected celebration.  It wasn’t that the scheduled celebration wasn’t happening. It was.  It’s just that there was something else to celebrate.  Something that was to be discovered in a private conversation, between two people, in a middle of a large crowd.

Sometimes, very personal, very private things occur in the middle of a crowd.  You know what I’m talking about.  It’s happened to you; a time when you gazed across a vast, filled with people space and caught the eye of another.  In such a moment, your eyes and the eyes of another person became locked, spellbound.  They also spoke.

When eyes speak it is inaudible.  Yet, they say so much.  In many cases they express more than can be heard.  They speak through feeling.  And, when such communication is combined with speech, the result can be remarkable.  That’s what happened in the middle of one celebration; a remarkable conversation that ushered in the unexpected.

“It was such a stressful time my hair began to fall out!” Meme Skuas said in a heartfelt way, at the start of an unexpected conversation.

She was speaking in two ways.  First, in voice.  And, her eyes were speaking in a more moving way, a communication so powerful it seemed as if the large crowd in this place were transported away.  Far away.

“At the time I didn’t think I could live through it!”  She continued.  “I’m telling you this because I think you’ve been through something just like it.”

Meme was specific in her message to you and me.  She wanted to share it.  She wanted to celebrate it!

“Now that the pain is over, I’ve learned something miraculous.  I discovered that the experience, the lessons, the pain all worked for my good!”  She said with a paused, expectant yearning radiating through her eyes.

Unexpected!  Who would have guessed it?  The person delivering this significant message was as unexpected as the message itself.  The messenger is a dynamic, successful, happy and vibrant person.  One would never suspect she’d lived through such a trying time.  Just seeing and being with her in this moment was cause enough to celebrate, because she was a truly the vision of her message.  Everything had, and was continuing, to work for her good.

It was good to be in a huge tent, filled with people for a celebration.  That’s because it was a celebration of success; just not only the expected success.  It wasn’t that the scheduled celebration wasn’t happening. It was.  It’s just that there was something else to celebrate.  Something that was to be discovered in a private conversation, between two people, in a middle of a large crowd.

Sometimes, very personal, very private things occur in the middle of a crowd.  You know what I’m talking about.  It’s happened to you; a time when you gazed across a vast, filled with people space and caught the eye of another.  This was such a moment, two sets of eyes became locked and spellbound.  They spoke volumes about what an important truth.

Everything.  Everything in your life.  The noble, the mundane, the bad and the excruciating are all teachings.  They’re lessons.  Most often, such lessons are not expected.  Not what you and I want to experience.  Not what we’re looking for.  And, their resulting good is also unexpected.

They’re unexpected in another way too; because, as it turns out, they’re all working for our benefit.  It’s all for our good.

Everything is working for our good.

Stick a Needle in my Eye

“Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little.” – Edmund Burke

Stick a Needle in my Eye

“It looks as if I’ve arrived with perfect timing!”  Phil said as a greeting, when he walked through the restaurant door.

He’d been with his aged mother at an appointment with her doctor for most of the afternoon and had just dropped her at home before coming.  It was now evening and he needed a little food and rest because of his busy day.

“My mother has lost most of the sight in one of her eyes now.”  He said with a concerned look on his face.  “I was with her, in her doctor’s office, so she could get an injection in her eyeball.  We’re hoping it will stimulate improved vision in that eye.”

It’s hard to imagine what it would be like to lose vision in one or both eyes for most people.  And, it sends a shutter down one’s spine to think about having a needle stuck into one of their eyes.  And, Phil’s story brought to mind that one childhood rhyme, about sticking a needle in an eye. You know the one!  Many of us have used it as a way of offering increased assurance to another.

“Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.”

At this thought, that rhyme seemed to become a virtual haloed-ticker-tape, rotating round and around Phil Grimm’s head as he recounted his afternoon of offered reassurance to his mother.  It wasn’t the same kind of assurance as the now haloing-rhyme though.  His is a more simple, practical, loving and effort-based assurance.  

While speaking of the importance of effort, Edmund Burke once offered this assurance, “Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little.”

And here was Phil, sitting at the table, still wearing his virtual halo, and down-playing the difference his small effort was making.

“It’s no big deal!” He said. “All I did was drive her there and then sit with her a while.  It was a lot more effort for her than it was for me.”

It would be a mistake, I thought, for him to do nothing because he viewed it as, so little.  What is a little thing to one, is often a big thing for another.

“It looks as if I’m finishing my dinner with perfect timing!”  Phil said as he pushed his plate away with a satisfied look on his face.

He was now getting ready to go to his aged mother’s home again, so he could help her get ready for bed. It was now late evening and she needed a little more reassurance, so she could rest.

“Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little.”  I thought to myself, while saying goodnight to the man who thought he was doing very little.  Something small.

Because, he could do a little, something small, it was a lot to She who received it!  Rest assured.

Fence Building

“I honestly don’t know how to keep living with this!” – Glenn

Fence Building

Tears were streaming from his eyes.  His voice was cracking from strong emotion as he spoke.

“I honestly don’t know how to keep living with this!  I don’t know how you continue to do what you’re doing.” Glenn said as he spoke, to another, of his experience of rescuing others from extreme danger, people who would surely perish without receiving aid from others.

She listened to him with compassion and responded with, “It fuels me to work harder to provide relief to others.  But, yes. It’s hard every day.”

It was a discussion that seems to be more and more common these days, I thought.  One could characterize such as conversations about fence building.  At least, those were my thoughts while driving, just two days ago, when one particular fence caught my eye.

It was a yard, perimeter cedar privacy fence.  You know the kind; about six feet tall, weathered, painted-red and surrounding the back yard of someone’s house.  I wouldn’t have noticed it at all had it not been on an expansive corner lot as I turned from the road in front of the house to drive south to go to another meeting.  It was the fence’s worn red color that caught my attention first.  But, it was the sign posted on that fence, it’s contrast, that caused me to drive on a little further, to a point where I could safely turn around and go back.  Go back to that contrast and observe it more carefully so as to absorb its message.

It’s a distinctive message painted on a piece of standard plywood, about four feet long and perhaps two and a half feet wide.  The printed words are stenciled in paint, including those on the black mail box perched on the bottom right-hand corner of the contrasting white sign.

The printed-upon-mail-box lid reads, “Prayers Here” with an arrow pointing down, toward an opening.  The front of the rectangular box reads, “Thank God for his love.”  And all of the lettering on this black box is a stark white. While all of the lettering on the white sign is a midnight black.

The words stenciled on that white sign read, “PRAYERS WORK!  Place your written prayer request in the box.  Someone will pray for you. Or take a request and pray. Requests kept confidential and anonymous.”

So, I pulled out the pen, which is almost always tucked into the front seam of my shirt, just above a button to help hold it in place.  I scribbled a note on a scrap of paper; a receipt from a purchase a day or two before.  Then, I opened my car door, stepped onto the paved road, lifted my right foot onto the curb, walked across the sidewalk, opened the box and dropped my note into the box.

“For Glenn and all others like him, who are building fences!  Not to divide or keep others away, but to protect others, the down-trodden, those needing shelter.”

I paused, pulling the lid of the mail box down, giving it a little pat, while sweeping my lingering fingers along its smooth surface.  Then, I turned back toward my car, walked a similar path back, slid into its cocoon and sat for a moment. Pondering.

That’s when I rehearsed the words spoken by my friend David about one week ago.

“There are days when I just want to stay in bed and pull the covers up over my head.”  He said.  “People are so mean these days!”

So, of course, I added another request to that little black box, hanging on that fence.  That’s when it dawned on me that this painted-red cedar fence was originally built to separate, to divide.  Yet now, the same fence is purposed to build protection for others, offer hope to the down-trodden and provide respite to those needing it.

I thought of the tears streaming from my friend Glenn’s eyes again.  His voice was cracking from strong emotion as he spoke.  I remembered him and David.  This painted-red cedar fence had reminded me that we’re all fence builders, every one of us!  

“What kind of fences am I building?”  I asked myself as I began to drive ahead again, vowing to generate more purposefully created fences of hope, respite and kindness that very day.

Old Kia Kima

“I don’t know what it is about this place.  The people involved in its reclamation have become very successful over the years.” – Boyd Billingsley

Old Kia Kima

“This place was an old Boy Scout Camp.”  Boyd explained as he spoke of the camp on the south fork of the Spring River, in the Ozark Mountains.  “A developer purchased the property from the Boy Scouts of America with hopes of building vacation homes there.  But, the soil was so rocky it couldn’t pass the necessary percolation testing for septic tank installation.”

So, the old camp sat there, unused for a few years until it became a dumping ground.  People had begun to use the site to dump old refrigerators and other kinds of trash.  The roofs of the sixteen old stone cabins had also collapsed by the time Boyd Billingsley and his group of friends came back to visit the forty-acre old camp, now called “Old Kia Kima.”  When they saw their beloved camp and its one and one quarter mile of river frontage in such neglect, it broke their hearts. So, they devised a plan to reclaim it.

“I don’t know what it is about this place.  The people involved in its reclamation have become very successful over the years.” Boyd says.

Their plan was to purchase their treasured memory.  The spot that had changed their lives as children.  But, that wasn’t their whole plan.  They also determined to restore the camp, allow groups focused on children to use it at no cost and then to establish an endowment fund to keep it running well past the end of their humanity.

“It cost us about eight thousand dollars per cabin to complete the restoration.”  Boyd said with tears in his eyes.  “We went to the old scouts and their troop masters who had loved it to ask for help in obtaining funds.  We didn’t have any trouble raising the money to complete the restoration because neither their memories, nor their love for the place had waned over the years.”

The groups using the camp today are generally about sixty-four people in size.  These contemporary campers simply pay a deposit of one-hundred-fifty dollars and that’s it!  The historic camp is available for use by youth service organizations at no charge.  If they leave the camp in the shape in which they found it they get the deposit back.  Most groups simply donate the deposit so it can be added to the mushrooming endowment fund as a way of giving back.  And, giving back is the continuing theme of the camp.

“I invited a friend to come and be a ranger at the camp with me for a few days.  I told him all we’d need to do is sit on the side of the river and enjoy the scenery.”  Boyd said as his voice cracked with emotion.  “We had an orphanage using the camp during that week and we were so affected by the ‘rag-tag’ group of kids, we wanted to be more involved with them during their stay.”

Boyd and his friend got more engaged by helping a trio of sisters get into a canoe so they could experience the river first-hand.  The girls were having a great time right up until they hit a rapids section of the river.  As they were passing through the rough water their canoe overturned and the girls were bobbing in the water with their safety vests floating them along.  The two rangers jumped into the water and pulled the girls to safety while making sure the three sisters were well.

“One of the girls cried and cried!  We couldn’t figure out what the issue was until we looked down and saw that she had lost one of her sandals.  We told her it would be alright, but she sobbed, ‘these are the only shoes I have!’”   Boyd continued.

After diving in the river to find the missing shoe, the two men jumped into their car and drove to the nearby town to purchase the fraught girl an additional, new pair of shoes.   They also purchased tee-shirts for the entire group of orphan-campers.  Of course, they couldn’t leave the store without stocking up on all kinds of healthy food and treats for the kids to enjoy during their stay at Old Kia Kima.

“My buddy told me this was the most fulfilling thing he had ever done in his life!”  Boyd said.

“This place was an old Boy Scout Camp.”  Boyd explained as he spoke of the now restored and functioning camp on the south fork of the Spring River, in the Ozark Mountains.  “A developer purchased the property with hopes of building vacation homes there.  But, the soil was so rocky it couldn’t pass the necessary percolation testing for septic tank installation.”

The founders of Old Kia Kima understand what it’s like to have a rocky start in life and this camp was the catalyst that changed the trajectory of lives many years ago.  So, they’ve dedicated themselves and their camp to removing as many rocks as possible in the lives of those who have followed them.  They’ve been at it for twenty-five years now and they’re gaining momentum as evidenced by the balance in their endowment fund.

“I think we’re almost there!”  Boyd said.  “It won’t be long until we have enough in the fund to keep our camp moving forward when we’re not able to be Old Kia Kima’s Steward-Rangers anymore.”

When Numbers Don't Add

“I have thought and thought about my own actions!” – Dawn Howe

When Numbers Don’t Add

“I have thought and thought about my own actions!”  Dawn Howe said while relating the pieces of a long drawn out story of consternation.

She didn’t know it at the time, but the beginning of this story began at her small Southern Utah, local airport when a private aircraft landed.  Dawn and others, who were meeting at the airport, watched the unknown plane taxi from the runway and park just outside the small terminal.  A few moments after the engine wound down a hatch on the side of the plane opened and the pilot climbed down the stairs.  It was someone she didn’t know, yet would have a huge impact on the long-standing personal relationships in her life.

“This guy talked big from the moment he walked off that plane!”  Dawn explained as she began to review her process of basic addition.

Dawn’s process of addition is simple math that everyone of us can use when faced with complex issues in dealing with others.  Dawn says she developed this approach because she “needed a way to reduce confusion” when interacting with others.  You see, the pilot of that airplane began a cascading process of dividing lifelong friends as soon as he came to town.

“He began to tell us all different stories!  We were trying to help him as much as possible because we wanted to believe he was a good person.  It wasn’t until my friends and I got together to compare notes that we began to discover discrepancies.”  Dawn said as she described the man’s use of long division.  “As my friends and I compared our experiences it became clear he was using the mathematical principle of long division to separate us!  That’s how I thought of using principles based on mathematical proofing to solve my own clarity issues.”

Dawn honed her own proofing process by using similar mathematical proofing theory to reach logical conclusions and calm her emotional turmoil.  Here’s how she describes her method of “proofing.”

First, I mentally reviewed every person in detail and said, “What’s their track record with me?  As soon as I had gone through this process I had a clear picture of everyone.  It was like taking a stack of personal head shots and laying them on the table next to each other.  That was like seeing the answer before even completing the math!”  Dawn said.

“Next, I asked myself, who have I known the longest?  I relied on my personal experience with more than one person, variable, in the equation and weighted each variable accordingly.  I sort of labeled everyone involved and identified them by the length of my interaction experience with them.”

Finally.  She asked, “What has been my experience in working with each person?  Then, I added up all the pieces and found only one variable that wasn’t compatible with all others.  That one variable didn’t add up!”  Dawn expressed with a clear sense of relief reverberating from her tone.

Her relief in finding a comforting solution is something each one of us can related to.  We’ve all faced complex personal relationship issues in life similar to the one Dawn has been going through.  

“It’s amazing how confusing life can become when we’re interfacing with others who aren’t acting with honor.  I like to operate on a basis of trust.  That approach has worked for me very well, until it didn’t!  Now I have one more tool that allows me to clear my head and see if things are adding up!”

“I have thought and thought about my own actions!”  Dawn Howe said while relating the pieces of a long drawn out story of consternation.  “I also found that I could add my own actions to the actions of others, based on historical evidence, to give myself a mathematical proof for mental and emotional clarity!”

What that means is, when you’re facing numbers that don’t add because someone, or something new flies into your life, go back to the arithmetic you learned as a child.  You remember it well.  Two plus two equals four!  

Even when others try to fly other numbers around in an effort to convince you it doesn’t.  Two plus two still equals four.

With Open Arms

“He called.  I borrowed a trailer and drove to Michigan immediately.” – Tracy Di Nardo

With Open Arms

“I’ve always thought the most important thing is to show my children consistent, unconditional love.”  Tracy explained.  “That way, they’ll come to understand you’ll really, always be there for them.”

Then, there was one day, when her only son suddenly packed his things and left their home with hardly a word.  All Tracy and the others in her family knew was that he was going to Michigan to live with some girl and her parents.  People they didn’t know.

“It caught us by surprise!  Completely!”  Tracy said.

This wasn’t only a love challenging circumstance for Tracy alone.  It deeply affected the whole family, making them all question their relationship with the young man.  It caused them to question their own actions over a lifetime of about twenty years.  But, it never caused Tracy to question her love for her son!

“It’s one thing to espouse a core principle such as unconditional love when your belief has never been contested!  Then, something challenges you.  Hits you right in your heart.  That’s when you face a ‘gut-check’ moment.  The moment you’re forced to look deep inside your heart and ask, ‘do I really believe this?’”  Tracy imparted.

Her anguished questioning didn’t last for a day or two.  It didn’t even last for a month or two.  It lasted for more than two years.  Two years of worry, guilt, introspection, and of course, great hope.  What did she do?

First, she reminded herself of her core belief every single day.  An undying belief that her love for her son was indeed unconditional.  “I had to stop all thoughts of punishing him!”  She said.  “I said to myself, this is your chance to walk your talk!  It taught me a lot about myself, my beliefs, and what true love is.”

Second, she constantly reached out to her son to reassure him of her presence.  She wanted him to know she was still there for him and she would never abandon him.  “I did this on an almost daily basis.  At first, there was hardly a response from him.  But, after a couple of years of continued, faithful effort, I think he began to believe me.  And, to believe in me.”  Tracy shared.

Finally.  She seized opportunity.  “I’ll never forget the day my son called me and said, ‘I made a mistake!’ can I come home?”  

“He called.  I borrowed a trailer and drove to Michigan immediately.”  Tracy said.

It took her two days to drive from Utah’s Wasatch Mountains to Michigan.  When she arrived at her son’s residence they embraced.  She said, “Once he was in my arms again I didn’t ever want to let him go!  But, oh yah, there was that additional driving I needed to do!”

“I’ve always thought the most important thing is to show my children consistent, unconditional love.”  Tracy explained.  “That way, they’ll come to understand you’ll really, always be there for them.  And when that moment comes.  That moment when your lifetime of talking ends and your unconditional love is wholly accepted by a loved one, as an undeniable truth; that moment provided the most powerful emotion I’ve ever experienced!”

Talking really does end with a genuine offering of open arms!

Beyond our Familiar

“It was like uprooting a giant oak tree!” – Sue Cook

Beyond our Familiar

Her call came last night.  It was about two things.  First, her long trek from the Pacific Northwest to the Ohio Valley.  And second, it was about the huge task, mostly mental and emotional, of moving.

“It was like uprooting a giant oak tree!”  Sue Cook explained.

Sue’s is an apt description of what it means to be filled with human nature and how being human affects any movement beyond one’s familiar.  Let her words become a vivid picture.

Visualize a California Live Oak, for example.  It stands seemingly aloof, spread from many others of its kind.  Yet, it has familiarity with its environment and other oak trees where it stands.  If you were to stand underneath such a tree and look straight up its trunk, you’d see branches and forks pushing up and around all of its sides until the branches become smaller toward their end where they are adorned, decorated, by beautiful leaves.  The leaves are high up. You can’t touch them unless you climb the tree.  It’s huge!

If you question its size, picture yourself on the ground, standing at the base of the trunk.  Then, wrap your arms around it.  See if you can touch your own left and right fingers together.  If the tree is old, when that tree has been in place for perhaps one-hundred or more years, most people will be unable to reach all the way around its circumference. With your visualized arms around the tree, see yourself exercising all of your strength and try to uproot the tree up!  

That’s what it often feels like, when we humans attempt to contemplate what it would take to leave the familiar.  To extract our roots.  Yet, that’s what Sue and Paul Cook have done!  They’ve asked and answered two important questions.  Questions you and I might choose to contemplate.

Their first important question they asked themselves was, “What do we have to believe?”  And, the second is like it.  What if this works?  

These are the same two questions asked, on the very same day by Justin Agers and Susan Monroe.

Justin explained, “I told the guys I work with where we were going.  They just gave me a confused stare and then said, ‘who’d want to go there?’.  It made me kind of nervous, but now that I’m here I can tell they’ve never been here before.  Otherwise they’d never say that.” 

Susan followed with, “It will be just us coming.  I have two grown daughters and they’ll be staying where we live now.  They just can’t grasp living with the possibilities of, ‘what if this works?’”

Are you and I obligated to believe what everyone around us trusts and imagines?  Are we to put aside our inner stirrings of wanting and hoping for something better and more than our current familiar?  Could we temper our fears and insecurities by giving ourselves hope and promise by asking that second great question again and again?

So, what if this works?  What is the upside if I have the courage to leave the familiar behind?

“It was like uprooting a giant oak tree!”  Sue Cook explained over the telephone.  But Sue, Paul, Justin and Susan have done it, so perhaps you can I can gain internal conviction to do so by asking ourselves those same two questions.  

If we ask sincerely, with full purpose of heart, then we’ll find and enjoy our own, new inner-conviction and knowledge.  Knowledge that while we won’t likely have success every time we venture away from the familiar, our attempts to do so will be worth it.  Because, there is that one move.  The right move, when we’ll be able to sit back and think of how far we’ve come.  Because, we will have been rewarded with a life which is wildly better than what was our once-familiar and beyond what we ever imagined we could have hoped for.

Lola's Love

Lola, who always gave love.

Lola’s Love

It all started on December 12, 2009.  For most, this date has no significance.  But, it is the date of creation; the genesis of “Lola’s Love.”  It wasn’t Lola’s wedding date.  It wasn’t even the date of her birth.

She was born not long before this date and was given as a gift of love, just a few weeks after her birth.  She was received as a gift yet always gave innumerable gifts. 

Upon receiving her, Kilee Johnson immediately gave her the loving pet-name, “Little Fluffer” almost as soon as she saw Lola’s silvery, speckled with white, curly fur covered body.  It was love at first sight for both Kilee and Lola.

Sometimes, love at first sight is a fleeting emotion.  But, Lola would not allow such a thing to occur in her world.  She seemed to instinctively know exactly how to create a special, deepening kind of love.  And, she did it in many ways.

Lola always joyously greeted everyone who came her way.  She developed her own voice to do so.  Garrison Johnson loved the way she spoke directly from her heart to her loved ones.  So, Lola quickly received another nickname of love, “RooRoo” because of her style of verbalizing a greeting.

Lola was welcoming in other ways too.  When Landon was born into the Johnson clan, Lola welcomed him, and his brother Asher, into her inner circle and became their protector immediately.  She always had an expanding kind of love that knew no limits.  That was true for every addition into her life.  She was always inclusive.

She included love no matter the specific circumstance.  When an occasion was joyous she would “roo” and dance with excitement.  When sadness struck, as it always seems to occasionally do, she would simply snuggle and caress her hurting person.  She’d do this for minutes, hours or days, as needed.  What mattered most to her was just being there!

Lola always wanted to be there, with those she loved, no matter what.  As the years began to take their toll on her small body she walked a little slower and couldn’t jump quite as high.  There were times when the pain from her arthritis would cause a weary look to shadow her face.  Yet, it didn’t stop her from continuing to give Lola Love.

Even in pain she was still excited to climb, with help, into the family car every morning and afternoon.  It isn’t that she loved to ride in the car.  She loved going with Landon and Asher to and from school.  So much so that she’d be heartbroken if she didn’t get to go.

Then, one day Lola just couldn’t muster the strength to go anywhere at all.  Age had finally caught up to her.  And, the love that was solemnized on December 12, 2009 and had kept her going strong until just last week.  Now we all miss her.  But, we’ll remember her and the things she taught us about love, Lola’s special kind of love.  

After all, she taught us how to deepen our love for others by joyously greeting everyone, loving even under difficult personal circumstances, to be there just to snuggle when needed, to have an expanding love that knows no limit and take time every day to enjoy the small things in life, like going to and from school with those you love.

If we would love as Lola did it, it would be a more glorious world indeed!

Never Doubt

“Never doubt why things happen to you.” – Greg Blackbourn

Never Doubt

“Never doubt why things happen to you. There is always a positive. ALWAYS.” Greg Blackbourn said as he recounted a recent personal experience as a way of illustrating his unwavering belief. 

His day was filled with reasons to doubt. He had a client who came late to his appointment.  As a result, Greg was late arriving at his next appointment, in the center of the city. That caused this client to reschedule, as they didn’t have enough time to complete their business by the time Greg arrived.  It was a disheartening day!  And, that was about to change.

“I was downtown and driving and saw Taco Time and was going to go through the drive thru to get some food.”  He said. “There were at least 10 cars in the drive-up lane, so instead of joining the packed line I decided to just park and go inside.” 

Once standing in the line to order, two people just cut in front of him as if he wasn't there.  At first, he was going to say something to those place-hoppers, but then just thought, “it's not that huge of a deal.”  He knew he was going to get his food soon enough.

And, he did. This was his chance to take a deep breath and receive some refreshment toward the end of a long, disappointing day.  It was this moment of anticipated relaxation when everything changed.

“There was a guy in a Utah Shirt (Utes) at the table next to me.  All of a sudden a man in a motorized wheelchair, that has some severe mental and physical disability, came in between our tables. He started to hit us both in a panic.”

Other people looked at what was happening and ignored the whole thing. They looked the other way and acted as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.  Greg continued his account.

“The Ute Fan and I both realized, at the same time, he wasn't attacking us. He was choking and couldn't breathe!”

Without a word between them in, unison, seemingly synchronized movement, both Greg and the other diner jumped up and put the breathless person into position to receive the Heimlich Maneuver, hoping it would save the choking man’s life. 

Pop! The blockage in his airway was dislodged and within seconds, the panic was over!

“He couldn't communicate well, but the words thank you came out clearly to us.”  Greg said.  “I asked if he was O.K. and he nodded.

The man’s other rescuer followed with, "I'm so sorry you had to experience that and I am glad you came to us!" 

With that, the man in the wheelchair smiled and drove away, leaving his two champions grinning at each other. Mountains of information was exchanged through that smile before Greg’s new friend said with hesitancy, "I have to leave. Can you?"

And, before he could finish Greg said "I got this and will wait until he is done eating before I leave." 

So, Greg sat there for another ten minutes, just to make sure their new chum could finish his meal safely.  

Greg could have been harboring an enduring resentment over his first client of the afternoon being late. He could have held onto anger about driving all the way from Sandy to downtown, through heavy traffic, only to have his next appointment reschedule. He could have been impatient and drove off, in anger, before making the seemingly insignificant decision to walk inside a restaurant to eat some dinner.  He could have shown hostility toward the people who cut in line ahead to him. But, had he done any of those things he wouldn't have been able to help a total stranger.

“I'm telling you this because sometimes I am guilty of letting little things get to me and letting them change the course of my day and mood too often. But, on this one, life changing day, I chose to not let little things get to me. And it impacted me for the best!  Greg reflected.

Greg always encourages everyone to become “their most genuine, best self.”  Yet, all of his coaxing cannot rival the same, more impactful message conveyed through his example. 

“We have become so busy in our world that we ignore our surroundings and are looking for instant gratification too often.”  Greg says.  “We find ways to attack other people that don't see the world the way we do. Everything is polarized when we have these blinders on. Thankfully, one Ute Fan slowed down with me on this day, so we could share the unspeakable joy of saving someone's life together.”

Greg’s finished his account with, “Find reasons to not let others take away from your happiness and be more present. It can save a life. Never doubt why things happen to you. There is always a positive. ALWAYS.”

Never doubt it.