Has Your Chance Passed?

As I was driving with my family one day I saw an ice cream store ahead. I asked if they would like to stop and get some ice cream. They played around for a while and finally said, “Yes.” I said too late, I’ve already passed it!”
- Bertha Clark

Has Your Chance Passed?

Have you ever thought your chance has passed you by? There have been times when I thought this was my plight and when I was talking with some friends last week I knew I wasn’t the only one who has had this experience.

We were talking about some of the challenges that life has thrown our way and I said, “You know, I always think I’m prepared for what may come but I have to tell you, when something does happen I’m never as prepared I thought I was and then I find myself hoping that the challenge is just another “warning shot” so I’ll have time correct the problem.” I guess the truth is that no matter what happens there are always small warnings that come my way, I just have to watch for them and then begin to make adjustments. But, I can tell you that most of the time I spend a lot of time ignoring signs when they appear.

When I said that, my friend Dwight Clark laughed and said, “When some of my grand children were in town visiting once, my wife was out running errands with them in the car when she saw an ice cream store ahead. She asked if they would like to stop and get some ice cream. As kids do, they were playing around in the car so it took them a few moments to respond. When they wanted to stop, she said, too late, I’ve already passed it.”

I’m sure the kids were disappointed at the result of their delay. I feel their pain because I’ve faced the same kind of disappointment many times. But, the advantage I have now is that when this kind of disappointment comes my way I know, through experience, that there will be another ice cream store just up the road! I’d like to give you an example of one friend who really understood this principle when her life changed dramatically.

Marlene Noda had been working in the same position for many years when she found out her employer was making a change that meant she was going to lose her job. As you can imagine that caused her to have pause as to what was going to happen in her life.

One of the things I love about Marlene is that she is able to use all of her assets to her advantage. And, she used this job loss in the same way. Marlene used this forced change in her life to think about what she really loved to do and then go for it. She became a Sushi Chef and began to use her new skills in two different restaurants. Today she is the proprietor of her own restaurant and is recognized as one of the best Sushi Chefs in the Salt Lake City Area. Had she not lost her old job, chances are small that she would have made this amazing change in her life.
There are few things I can guarantee about your life, but I can guarantee one. Change will constantly come. When it does you will be have great opportunity if you’ll but look for it. So here are a couple of small suggestions:

First, look at big changes as big opportunities. If you’re like me at all, you tend to get fairly comfortable with life as is currently is. That isn’t a big motivator for change. I also tend to get pretty upset when things don’t fit my “picture” of how things should be. But, now I’ve found that by viewing disruption as an opportunity, my ability to work through it successfully is greatly enhanced.

Second, have faith in your ability to adapt. Earlier I said that I was never as prepared as I thought I was. Well, that’s only partly true. I’ve developed some skill at being adaptable and it has served me well. My friend Brad Bertoch calls this skill the ability to be a “survivor.” I saw an entire book written about this ability the other day and look forward to reading it. You can’t be prepared for everything, but you can have faith that you will be able to successfully navigate through anything that will come.

Third, now that you have faith in your ability to deal with things as they come up, add a little bit more to that faith. Know that others, and a higher source, will always be there to help you though things. Being a good person means that people love you and they will do more for you than you ever hoped if you just ask for help and give them a chance.

Finally, live the “Every Twenty Minutes Principle.” Know that another train comes to your stop every twenty minutes on average! If you miss one train, another one will come along in just a few minutes! Expect this to be the case for you and your opportunities. You will always have chances! In fact if you look back through your life you’ll find that you’ve had more than one, two or three chances. You’ve had many chances.

And, you’ll have lots more chances in your life, now and in the future. You may lose the chance to have a particular ice cream cone from one particular store, but you’ll have the chance to have another ice cream cone from another store, which will be just as good, if not better, if you just keep driving. Your chance hasn’t passed; it’s just a little further up the road!

The Man in The Grocery Store

“We’re making more money now than ever before.”
- Rachel Nipper

The Man in the Grocery Store

I know a lot of people who have been going through some hard times over the past two or three years. It’s always hard for me to see friends struggle and lose their confidence. The bad news is it’s hard for some. The good news is that the time of pain has ended for others and they are now in the process of healing. I’m old enough now that I’ve have been through this kind of pain/healing cycle before, and I view it a little differently than I did when I was much younger because of one man.



I’ll never forget standing in a grocery store line in Southern California in 1978 getting ready to pay for my groceries. As I stood waiting, I began to read the news paper there on the rack. I was alarmed by the headlines and could feel fear enter my entire body as I gazed at the grim news.



Those were troublesome days. We were struggling through one of the worst gas shortages ever faced in the United States and there seemed to be a war on the horizon. The high cost of gas was one problem but the larger problem was that there wasn’t enough gas. There were days when we would wait in line for four or five hours and hope there was gas left when we got to the pump. Many times I had waited only to have the station attendant put a “last car” sign on the car in front of me!



One of my close friends, a physician who would drive from Orange County to LA County every day for work, would have his teen aged daughter take the car and wait in the gas line every evening; she could do her home work while doing a huge favor for her father. It was difficult for the entire family, but they pulled together and made it through the gas shortage.



The gas shortage wasn’t what was on my mind as I stood and read headlines in the check-outline. Those headlines were even scarier to me because it looked as if the United States was heading to war and I just happened to be the right age to be drafted.



On the day I said I would never forget, in the grocery store line, there was a man standing behind me. He must have seen a look of fear on my face because he started to talk with me. After a little small talk, I confessed to him that I was really scared. Then I watched his face change and I witnessed a new power build within him. His serious tone sprung out as a crescendo as he said, “I fought in World War II.”



“We were scared then, just as you are now. But, we did what we needed to do, and so will you when the time comes.”



He said those words with such surety I believed him through and through. He gave me courage and hope. He had lived through dark times and had prepared the way for me to have a bright future. I was grateful to him then for his encouraging words and service and I’m still grateful to him these many years later. One of the strange things about my gratitude is that I’ve never even known his name, or anything else about him. So, he has forever remained “the man in the grocery store” to me.



Now I’m passing his words of hope and courage to you. I hope they’ll comfort you the way they’ve comforted me. They have proven to be true hundreds of times over throughout my life.



My friends Mark and Rachel Nipper are the perfect example of The Grocery Store Man’s truth. A little over a year ago Mark lost his job and things looked bleak for their little family. There were days when they didn’t think they would be able to make it through their struggles.



Today I’m happy to say that not only did they make it through their dark time, they’re thriving. Just this week Rachel said, “We’re making more now than we ever have!” They’re building their bright future together and creating a solid foundation for their two sons. You can do it too!



I saw another head line in the news this week. It read, “Unemployment 8. 5%.” But, what it said to me was, “91.5% of the people in the U.S. are employed!” I thought that was great news because almost all of us are still doing well.



Yes, I know you’re scared. I’ve been scared too, but I’ve always done what I needed to do and so have you. So, the next time you’re standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, pass on the good news!

The Process of Unfolding

“The challenges I’ve faced in my life have created opportunities to grow and become more powerful.”
- Steve Farley

Use Life’s Challenges to Unfold Personal Power

I ‘m just learning to develop my personal ability to enjoy a life process I call “unfolding.” The best way I can describe unfolding is to give you a small example you may have already experienced for yourself.

If you’re like me, you’ve had the regular chance to strip the old linens from you bed and replace them with freshly laundered ones. And, if you’re like me, this has’nt been one your most loved chores! While this is still the case for me, it changed markedly when I got a cat.

My cat goes by several names; Binx (my name for him), Simba (my children’s name for him), and Bobby (my wife’s name for him). We have had this cat now for fourteen years so it doesn’t matter what name he goes by; he’s an institution in our household.

I call him an institution because there is no other way we would have put up with him this long! He has never been a very friendly cat and has had a “bad attitude” ever since we rescued him from the animal shelter. Yet, even with his nasty disposition he has clawed his way into our hearts and now these many years later he has mellowed a great deal.

When he first came to live with us, my young daughters were so terrified of him that they could not go to bed unescorted. He would lie in wait for them to make their way to their beds and spring just at the right moment to attack their bare, unprotected feet. That’s when I began to discover his power to teach me the principle of unfolding!

This nightly ritual had a tendency to put our children’s beds into a horribly rumpled state. And, since bedraggled bedding sort of impels one to tidy things up a bit, my wife and I were always in the bed making business, or so it seemed.

Since I perceived this bed making to be an unpleasant task, I’m quite sure I became as grumpy as our bad-attitude-cat. There is no question that this cat had a thing about beds from the beginning of our relationship and that relationship reached a crescendo a little over twelve years ago when he attacked me in my own bed in the middle of the night.

There I was, sleeping away when I felt something wet running down my arm! I leapt from my bed and began chasing the cat throughout the house yelling, “I’m going to tear your head off!”
Soon, my children and wife were chasing me, chasing the cat, crying and begging me not to kill the cat. Gladly, cooler heads prevailed and the cat kept on living so he could continue to teach me about unfolding in a more playful way.

By now you can see that my life had turned into the life of a bed chamber maid because I was spending time daily tidying up our beds. But, that’s when something curious started to happen. When the cat saw the activity of making a bed, he would jump up onto the bed so as to be trapped under the sheets! This is when he would be the most playful and have fun. It’s also when we would have the most fun with the cat.

The interesting thing is that we were only doing the additional work as a result of the cat and that the work then became a game. As you can see from this story, the cat created a number of challenges for me and my family. At the same time, the challenges created the opportunity for us to discover new joy and happiness we would not have discovered otherwise.

This reveals the important concept I talked with you about earlier, the process of unfolding. The process of unfolding is: It is impossible for a person to see everything at once. The path of life can only be wholly revealed in stages or pieces. Once I began to understand this process I began to relax more and look at the unfolding as a game or fun.

The fun comes from the knowledge that unfolding creates anticipation. The anticipation can only come as a result of being “blind to the future.” Once I started viewing the process of unfolding as a game, it became easier for me to accept and enjoy!

I know you’ve had challenges in your life and that will not change. Now that you have been introduced to the process of unfolding you can begin to use the process to your advantage. Know that there is no way for you to see all the answers you’re seeking right now; especially while you may be severely challenged! Know that by paying attention to the process of unfolding you will have important things revealed to you just when you need them. Cherish this knowledge and use it as a comfort now and in the future.

There may be cats waiting to attack your bare feet in the dark, but those same cats may be able to provide you with joy and happiness in the near future. I know this is a true principle; look to it to for understanding, strength and anticipation of a great future!

The Process of Healing

“I thought I would wake up one morning and everything would be alright.”
- Tom Gledhill

The Process of Healing

Thank goodness for elevators! I was on the phone talking away, like always, when the elevator I called opened. “Got to go,” I said.

“I’m getting on an elevator.”

As chance would have it, my friend Tom Gledhill was getting on this elevator at the same time. We were the only two people riding up in the car. It gave us a chance to spend a few precious moments talking.

Uninterrupted!

There seems to be fewer and fewer times when I take the opportunity to turn everything else off and really spend one-on-one time with other people I care about. This was one of those times and I wasn’t about to let it slip through my fingers!

I had spoken with Tom not long ago to express my sympathies to him. Doing so had been difficult for me, because after all is said and done; there is no way for me to feel what Tom feels because I don’t know what Tom knows.

After our short talk together I felt a stronger connection and had gotten a brief glimpse of what he was going through. That short-lived conversation changed my relationship with Tom forever. It seems as if taking the time to really look into someone’s eyes provides an unparalleled opportunity.

It is an opportunity to “absorb” the light coming directly from another person. It is an opportunity to be taught in an unspoken way. It is an opportunity to really see who the other person is and what they are feeling. It is an opportunity to be invited through a gate that one can never enter any other way.

The elevator doors were another gate for me. When they closed, the rest of the world seemed to be pressed aside. I felt relief pulsate through my body. I knew I could relax. I knew I could have uninterrupted moments to speak with my friend again.

“How are you doing?” I asked carefully. I wanted to make sure Tom knew what this question really meant, because when it is usually asked we don’t really want to know. This was a time when I really did want to know!

I’ll never forget his words, “I thought I would wake up one morning and everything would be alright.”

I replied, “That’s just what happens to me. I think I’ll wake up one day and everything will have changed and will be different. It seems to be part of the healing process.”

When someone of great value is taken from my life it is never easy. I don’t take change very well so it tends to be a long difficult healing process. I have good days and I have bad days; but at least I have the days.

As I look through my experiences I have come to the conclusion that time was created for just this purpose. It gives us a chance to break things up into smaller pieces. You know the old saying about eating an elephant one bite at a time?

Using time as a tool can do the same thing for us as we deal with challenges in our lives. It is a tool that can allow us to heal after difficult challenges. It is a tool that will allow our faith to manage what would otherwise be unbearable.

Here are the steps I’ve been using to discipline time so it can be used as a tool for healing:
First, I recognize that time is a gift, given with a purpose. This alone has been of great benefit to me. I used to think of time as “the enemy.” Now, I have accepted it in a new way so it can be embraced rather than fought. Making peace with time has increased my internal calm a great deal.

Second, when I feel anxious, I take a moment to remember that time is allowing this discomfort to be a fleeting moment. That means I won’t always feel this way! What great relief it is to have hope for a better day! Hope is the basis for the creation of renewal.

Third, I accept the power of time to heal. Just as it takes time for a cut or bruise to heal on my skin, I know that time will allow my spirit, soul and mind to heal if I will welcome it to do so. I wish I could explain how time heals, but I can’t. I just know it does and I feel gratitude for it.

Finally, I am using the gift of time to enhance my relationships more and more. What I mean by that is, I am accepting the gift of time to build my relationships. I don’t want to be hurried when I talk with my friends and family anymore. I want to use the time to look into their eyes and absorb their essence within myself. That way I can “stop time,” when I want to, so as to allow myself the pleasure of feeling the warmth of their presence, the joy of their laughter, the brightness of their light whenever I want to!

I said, “Please remember I’m your friend!” when Tom and I parted. After all I am his friend and would do whatever he asked me to do, if it would give him comfort.

I offer the same to you, my friend. I hope you will offer yourself to others as well. I hope you can use my steps for healing in your life. Use them to be well. Use them to be happy. Use them to help other people along their way.

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