Starting Anew

“I can start over and be the person I want to be every day.”

Alan Bradshaw

Starting Anew

It was late in the evening.  I was with my friend Alan Bradshaw in his projection room; he owns the Motor Vu Drive-in not far from my house.  Alan was in the process of transferring a movie from the projector back to the reels so it could be shipped to the film distributor; we had just finished our annual neighborhood trunk or treat.  He is kind enough to donate the use of his theater each year for our annual community Halloween celebration where we gather for a barbeque, movie and candy exchange.  It’s a chance for the whole community to come together and enjoy each other’s company.  

At the end of this evening one of our neighbors walked up to me and said, “This is our most favorite tradition.  We have built so many wonderful memories with our family and friends here.”  She’s right; I’ll never forget what Alan taught me as I watched the film spinning to four different reels.

“I really like this movie,” he said.  “I liked the first one too.  I think they have a good message.  In fact, there is a quote from the first movie that changed my life.”

I can’t tell you the exact quote because it was late at night and I didn’t write it down, but it was something like; you can’t change what happened yesterday and you don’t know what will happen in the future, but you can be who you want to be every day.

“I used to spend all my time working.” Alan said.  “One day I saw that I was letting my life pass by.  It seemed as if it happened over night.  Then I heard that quote and I knew I could wake up each day and be the person I wanted to be.  I could change.  I could life a full and happy life.”

I stood not far from him as I listened and watched.  I could hear the whirring sound of the film as it seemingly flung from the projector onto the shipping reels.  With the exception of that noise and the sound of Alan’s voice it was quiet and the light was dim.  But, Alan’s smile was bright and his voice was as light as a dancing waterfall to my ears.

His message is still trickling through my ears.  “I can be who ever I want to be and start anew each day.”  I can still see the twinkle of his eyes, bright with hope and confidence, enlightening my mind.  The two intertwined memories combine to convince me that you and I can make a difference in our own lives and in the lives of others if we simply make the choice to do so.  I’m so glad that Alan decided to make a difference in my life.  You and I can do the same!

Lost in Thought

“Don’t always believe what you think!”

Bumper Sticker

Lost in Thought

I’m driving in the car and my daughter wants to play the guessing game.  We play this game while driving quite often.  The game is a focused on the identification of a selected mammal, bird, insect, reptile or even a microbe from time to time.  It’s my turn to think of a guessing target.

I clutch the steering wheel and look at the road ahead.  I’m thinking.  I’m still thinking.

She’s waiting.

She finally says, “Are you still thinking?’

I respond, “Yes.  I’m still thinking.”

The thing about this game is that sometimes the most simple selection is the most difficult one to guess.  And, sometimes the most simple selection is the simplest one to guess.  It all just depends on the thought process going on within the person who is guessing!

I’m still thinking;  I remember a bumper sticker I saw the week before. 

“Don’t always believe what you think!”

I know its good advice.  I spend lots of time imagining the worst case of everything that can happen.  I plan for responses to lots of things that never, ever happen.  I have spent my entire life thinking about the imaginary.  I’ve even made myself sick by worrying about the fictitious before.  Maybe that’s the way I’m built.  Perhaps you can relate to this.  Have you ever lost yourself to imaginary fears?

Don’t get me wrong.  Imagination is a wonderful thing.  It can be used to accomplish many great and productive things.  However, Imagination is only a tool.  

I’ve learned that tools can be used to build and tear down.  In either case, they’re very powerful and allow you to be much more productive than you otherwise would be.  But, it’s also important to use any tool correctly; or else you won’t be as productive, or worse, you could be injured or even killed.  The improper use of one’s imagination has one more possible side-effect.

Letting imagined fears rule one’s life can hamper living life itself.  And, that is tantamount to a fettered existence.  A life in chains is not the “good life.”  I want you to live the best life you can possibly live or imagine so here are the steps I’ve been taking to foster a freer mind.

Don’t wait.  If you find yourself thinking that the worst is going to happen relieve your mind by following through as soon as possible.  Doing so lets you deal with the truth rather than your imagined “truth.”

File the true experience away.  Doing so allows you to recognize that you shouldn’t always believe what you think.  A little evidence will go a long way to convincing an unruly mind.

Imagine the best case.  Walt Disney called this process “imagineering.”  He’s a great example of a person who learned to use his imagination as a productive tool.  You and I can do the same!

“Are you ready yet?” my daughter asks.

“Yes.” I respond.

Overcoming Internal Conflict

Your success will only be as great as your fear and insecurities will allow.

- Nicole Scherzinger

Overcoming Internal Conflict

“I find myself thinking that I won’t do very well almost every day.” She said. 

              

“Why do you think that, when you are always successful in everything you do?” I replied.  “I’m never worried about how well you’ll do.  You’re one of the smartest, most capable people I know.”

“I don’t know!  It’s just the way I feel.” She countered.

I spent the next few days thinking about this conversation in great detail.  I reflected on it again and again, knowing that I had the same kind of feelings quite often and I was hoping to find two answers all at once.

Have you ever had the same type of feelings?  It appears to be a competitive world out there and we all know we need to be a little better than the person next to us so as to feel better about ourselves, make enough money and reach our goals.  But is that really the truth?

While I was pondering this conversation I was able to make some discoveries about my own internal processes that I hope will make a difference for you if you’ve ever faced the same personal conflict.

Get started!  Yes.  I know you’ve heard it before and in many different forms, “The hardest part is getting started;” “The hardest thing about writing is staring at a black page;” “The first day is always the hardest.”  I could come up with more of these little sayings, but you get the point!  The illustrative fact about these sayings is that there are so many of them.  There’s a reason for that.  Almost all of us struggle when we’re starting something new or we feel alone when facing a task.  Now that you know this to be true just face any challenge head-on and get started.  As you do, you’ll find that the largest hurdle is already past.  To help myself with this challenge I put a up big sign in my office that says, “The longest task is the one that’s never started!”

Start keeping score!  When faced with new or difficult situations I often worry about my ability to succeed so I’ve started keeping score.  What I mean by that is, I now have a mental list of things I struggled and succeeded with, so when I need to call in the reinforcements I simply start going through my list.  When I’m finished, I feel confident because I know all I need to do is to get started because I’ve succeeded in many similar circumstances.

Just show up!  Most of success in life is just being willing to show up every day and put in a little effort.  Once I figured that out I became much more resilient and patient.  I now know that if I succeed at nothing else I will be the last man standing.

Finally, be your own best cheerleader.  When I came back to my friend and gave her these thoughts I also revealed to her that I have my own little cheer; it’s a little song I sing in my head when I feel as if I can’t succeed.  I know it’s a little corny, so I won’t sing it for you here; it works though!  So, write your own little cheer song and encourage yourself all along the way.

Use these little steps to overcome your fear and insecurities so you can succeed beyond what you thought you could.  You can do it!  Get started now; keep your own score; show up every day; and cheer yourself along.  See if these aids will make a difference for you.  The first step is the hardest!

Getting Around Obstacles

She can see her way around obstacles.

- Bill Lindsay

Getting Around Obstacles

During a meeting this week I listened to a Client describe some challenges related the sale of some of his properties as we were carefully building a strategy that would allow us to succeed under any circumstances.   Our discussions the day before allowed me to know that we could benefit from the expertise of another associate who had some useful specialized knowledge, so I made arrangements for her to join us through a teleconference.

During the call, Bill and I were able to ask her questions and then thoughtfully listen to her replies.  We were both impressed with her knowledge and experience.  She was a great asset in finalizing our strategies.  I knew she would be, but I didn’t anticipate the lesson I was about to learn just after the phone call ended.

“She can see her way around obstacles.” Bill said as I clicked off the speaker phone.

“Yes she can.  She has long and valuable experience coupled with in-depth product knowledge.  Remember when I told you she makes money for me?” I answered.

Then I thought more about his comment and what it could mean for you and me as we face life’s obstacles.   Bill knows that an ability to see an obstacle and ways around it at the same time increases personal and professional value.  Are you using this ability to increase the value in your own life?

You and I face obstacles in every aspect of life and we will continue to do so.  If we will change our focus from the obstacle itself to seeing and creating ways around the impediments we face we’ll be able to live a more satisfying life.  Those who can see around life’s obstacles and then take action to move past them will succeed time and time again. Their world will expand; they won’t be trapped in the same place.  This is a skill that becomes stronger when it is coupled with active experience.

 So, next time you see nothing but obstacles in front of you, take a moment to adjust your vision.  See your way to new opportunity and growth by charting a path around your current hurdle.   It’s just like leaving a dark room and going out into the bright sunshine; you need to take a minute to allow your eyes to adjust to the bright new world in front of you;  looking for alternatives to your obstacles, selecting your succeeding path and taking action will open new vistas and bright hope for  your life.

Life Transformed

Life Transformed

I remember crouching down on a concrete aisle between holding pens in the county animal shelter with my small girls as we tried to determine which of all the cats would become a part of our family.  There were so many nice and pretty cats it was a hard decision and one of the ladies who worked there was assisting us.   

After some time, our guide came over carrying a small Orange Tabby.

I can still see the young cat with wild looking eyes in my mind.  He was different from all the other cats.  He exhibited an untamed spirit that was evident as soon as she put him on the floor.  When his feet hit the ground he streaked off, rushing to find his freedom.  I had my doubts.

As I expressed my misgivings about his suitability, the woman from the animal shelter worked to get our agreement because if this particular cat wasn’t adopted soon, his life would come to an end.  We understood his plight and because we had come to rescue a cat from such a doom we decided to take him home.  As we took our new family member home I never imagined that he would finish elementary, junior high, high school and college with the two daughters who triumphantly carried him over our threshold.

My daughters decided to name our cat “Simba” because they loved the popular movie of the time and because he had the color of the animated beast as well.  I named him Binx and there was soon a battle over what he would really be called.  In the end he was dubbed Simba Binx Butterfield.

Binx continued to display his independence and as Kilee entered kindergarten she went to school with scratches on her face almost every day.  She loved the cat and tried to display it, but the cat didn’t respond in kind.  It wasn’t long before bedtime became a wild, gyrating event because the cat would attack the feet of the girls as they ran to their beds and hid them under the covers.  Then, once in the middle of the night, as I slept, I felt some liquid running down my arm and opened my eyes just in time to see the dreaded cat complete his squat and dart into the darkness.  There was running, yelling, crying and pleading throughout the house and in the end, the cat barely lived.

I was at my wit’s end so I called the animal shelter for help.  They gave me the phone number of a local cat behavior expert and we talked about his manners.  She helped me understand that he was angry with us because we wouldn’t let him go outside.  (We had signed a contract with the animal shelter when we adopted him stating that we would keep him in the house so we did.)  The expert said that he needed to be able to go outside because his life before us was full of the freedom that the outdoors offered and he loved it.  She said, “Let him go out when he wants to.”  We did!  Our relationship improved greatly.

Over the next seventeen years we moved twice and added another daughter to our family.  We also added two dogs, several horses and some cows as well.  Through it all, our cat was part of our lives and we nursed him back to health after something bit the end of his tail off one night, one of his ears was shredded while fighting, he became blind in one eye and was run over by a car.  As you can imagine all of this experience mellowed him and he became more and more of an indoor cat.  In fact, during the last years of his life he slept at my wife’s side and purred the entire night.

Unfortunately, the purring stopped this week and was replaced by tears as Simba Binx Butterfield passed away.  But the lessons he taught us have not passed with him.

We all learned that with love, patience and understanding, life can be transformed from a battle ground to happy years of caring, peace and love.  And, perhaps most of all, we learned that providing love, patience and service will create deep relationships that live well beyond the strength of our bodies.