Measuirng Your Life

“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed.”  - Booker T. Washington 

Measuring Your Life

I looked at the screen of my phone.  It was revealing my friend Grant’s number.

“Lynn.  I need your advice.”  He said.

Grant and I spend lots of time talking.  We benefit from conversing about obstacles we’re facing and plot as to ways we can over come them.  Through it all, I’ve learned that victories in life come as a result of our ability to work around and over the obstacles that cross our path.  And, that we grow stronger as we climb personal mountains.  In climbing my own mountains I’ve discovered four factors that can prevent individual progress.

First, constantly nursing personal hurts eats a person’s ability to create and move into their future.  My friend Grant lost his wife a few years ago.  I watched as he floundered to regain his confidence and footing.  We spent long periods of time talking about his past life and I noticed that he was unable make any progress in building a new life until he began to shift his communication from the old to what would become his new life.  He taught me to spend time creating my future so I wouldn’t be trapped in perpetual hurt.  He showed me it’s the only way to overcome pain.

Second, yielding to the sorrow of tragedy and grief leaves a person void of progress and success.  There are all kinds of traps that can destroy a person and this one can be most alluring.  Grant had good reason to be full of sorrow but he never let it overcome him.  I watched as he began to be consumed by sorrow and then propel himself forward to break free of tragedy.  He taught me that a person has never yielded until he stops his forward motion or stops following the steps necessary to regain freedom.

Third, Grant never allowed himself to be fettered with poor habits and personal mistakes.  I’ll never forget when Grand said, “I know I’ve made lots of mistakes, but that doesn’t mean I have to keep making the same ones over and over again.”  Then I watched as he took small steps to change the way he approached his life and work.  He didn’t make great strides over night.  In fact, he kept at if for more than four years until he said, “I keep track of each habit I’ve broken.  When I feel I’ve over come one poor habit, I simply begin to break the next one. I discover changes I want to make by moving forward.” 

Fourth, Grant moves forward by never letting his fears inhibit his progress.  It isn’t that he doesn’t have still have fears.  He does.  He’s just learned that he possesses an internal strength he didn’t know he had until he faced down tragedy.  He used his sorrow and tragedy as a means to gather his courage.  As a result, he’s stronger and more accomplished today than he would have been.  He’s reached success by overcoming his obstacles while trying to succeed.

Grant has taught me to measure success in life by considering the obstacles I’ve conquered.  He’s also shown me that I can become a much better person by moving past personal hurt, not yielding to sorrow and tragedy, breaking the restraints of poor habits & personal mistakes and never letting my fears prevent progress.  Are you measuring your life one victory at a time?

An Airplane Crashing

“A dream”

An Airplane Crashing

I was sitting on a jet when all of a sudden the front of the craft angled toward the earth in dramatic fashion.  We were in a steep dive!  I could see no way we would be able to land without everyone on board being killed.  But, at the last minute a miracle occurred.

The plane almost instantly righted itself and the plane swooped onto a major street in a large city.  It was virtually undamaged and the passengers all began to exit.

Upon exit we could see that large, tall buildings surrounded us on all sides.  A quick, visual scan made it clear that we would never be able to take off on the plane again.  The road upon which we had landed was too short to use as a runway and the streets leaving our position we far too short to accommodate the width of the wings.  We were stuck!

Even though we were stuck, we were alive.  It was a great feeling to have landed; yet I vividly remember the feeling of fear that gripped my heart as I realized I was stranded in a strange city with no visible escape.  But, the fear didn’t last very long because I began to see we had many alternatives.

Alternatives soon began to reveal themselves as city residents approached survivors.  As they appeared, it was clear that they dressed and acted differently.  That revelation was a little unsettling, but as we began to interact, we found them to be kind and helpful.  As we worked together, more alternatives were opened until we got to another airport and were able to continue our journey.   But, my journey ended because I awoke.

While that journey had ended, my life journey is still in progress and I couldn’t help but notice some similarities with this dramatic dream.  I think you’ll see some similarities in your journey as well if you’ll accept a moment of contemplation.

These days there are those who tell us we are all headed toward disaster.  I can see many signs all around that would lead me to the same conclusion.  People who hold different beliefs and live their lives in a strangely different manner surround us.  There are many times when we feel as if we live in an exotic and bizarre place, though we haven’t moved.  A quick and visual scan of our surroundings would lead us to believe that there is no escape from catastrophe. 

But there is!

First, the similarities we have with the strangers around us are greater in number that our differences.  If we will take the time to learn to communicate with them, in their language, we’ll find that to be true.  My experience is that we are often saying the same things.  We simply use a slightly different language.  Adapting to a stranger’s language automatically bridges a chasm and creates a relationship of trust all by itself.

Second, reach out in kindness and care.  No one cares about your core values and beliefs unless they know you care for them first.  My friend Richard Ure once said, “It doesn’t matter what they need or when they need it.  I’ll do what ever it takes to help them.”  I’ve found Richard to be a friend in the real sense of the word.  He is more than an acquaintance to those he calls friend.

Third, let everyone around you know they’re safe with you.  Allow people to come to you and express their hopes, dreams, failures and fears.  When they know you’ll sit and listen your relationship will transform.  Most people will come to their own rescue if they have someone who will be there with and for them.  Be that person.

Finally, when we change ourselves by communicating with others in their language, reach out in kindness & care and allow people to feel safe with us, our lives will soar into a bright and exciting future.

I am convinced that this bright future will be revealed to us as we walk this path and we’ll see miracles follow.  I hope you’ll help me to ingrain these characteristics into my own personality and character because none of us want to be trapped on an airplane doomed to crash.

Doing the Impossible

Hell’s Revenge

Doing the Impossible

When we drove up we saw the red jeep we were told to look for.  To tell you the truth, I was rather disappointed.  It looked just like any little red jeep.  I was expecting to see something spectacular.  Something that looked beefy enough to handle the steep climbs surrounding us.

I could see lots of other vehicles swarming around.  They all looked as if they could climb the most tricky and difficult terrain South Eastern Utah could throw at them.  I have to tell you, that at that moment, I was not a believer in the little red jeep.  But we decided to climb in anyway.

Within a couple of minutes we came face to face with, what I saw as, a slightly tilting wall of sandstone more than one-thousand-feet high.  When I saw it, I quickly said to myself, “There is no way this little jeep will be able to go up that wall!”

At the base of the wall, the driver stopped, flipped one little switch a couple of times and then he nudged the jeep forward.  The tires gripped the rock and the rest of the vehicle nimbly followed them up the steep incline.  It took my breath away.

My breath seemed to be on hold for the next three hours as the little red jeep climbed and dipped its way through some of America’s most spectacular scenery.  It allowed us to do and see things I could never have imagined.

I also never imagined that the fancier and beefier vehicles all around us would not be able to accomplish the same.   But it was true.  Our jeep was one of two vehicles that tackled and defeated the “Gates of Hell.”  I was amazed to say the least.  And, I learned a thing or two from the little red jeep.

First, common and everyday people can do the seemingly impossible as long as they have the right tools.  The right tool isn’t always the most expensive and flashy.  It simply has to possess the attributes essential to the challenge presented.

Second, having the right people with you is essential.  We were inexperienced, but we were willing.  If we had not hired an experienced and talented guide there is no way we would have even attempted this adventure.

Third, completing something that you truly believed impossible is exhilarating.  It gives a person the desire to accomplish even more, while instilling confidence that can’t be obtained in any other way.  Everyone should have the opportunity to experience such confidence.

My confidence was as strong as it has ever been by the time we got to the “Dragon’s Spine.” I looked out over the front of the little red jeep and could see nothing but sheer, 1000 foot drops ahead.

“I need to make sure to follow the paint on the trail or we won’t make it.”  Our guide said.

He lined it up and drove off into space.  I looked to my left and right and could see the huge expanse of space from our position to the bottom of the canyon far below.  It was clear that one slight mistake would send us to our death.  But, I knew that the little red jeep would never allow hell to have its revenge.  It had already allowed us to do the impossible!

Am I Just Leaving?

“My son helped a refugee from Africa to create a foundation to help others who share in his own, former dire circumstances.” – Steve Farley

Am I just Leaving?

Sometimes we fall into a trap of believing that we’ll live forever!  When we do so, we begin to fail to appreciate our existence on this planet and forget how fragile our lives are.  But, there are prompts all around us and I was reminded of how delicate life is during the past couple of weeks.

I was working with my friends Don and Erika for multiple days and noticed that Don would all of a sudden step away to have some quiet time on the phone.  I just assumed it was business until he looked visibly shaken after one particular call.

“We think my mother has throat cancer!” He explained as he walked over from a clearly difficult conversation with his brother.  We got a call that she has cancer and then we got another call telling us they weren’t sure!  We don’t know what to think right now!”

When we finished our work Erika left to fly to Texas to help her failing mother and Don flew directly to Florida to see if he could get a handle on his mother’s situation.  I could see uncertainty and doubt in their faces as I left them airport bound.

It was fortunate that I was able to finish the first phase of our business within a couple of days from their departure.  And, didn’t really have any worries until Erika sent me a text message about one week later.  I had just assumed everything was going along well for them.  They are such bright and capable people!  But, Erika informed me that Don’s mother had passed away suddenly and that it had nothing to do with the confirmed cancer.

Don’s mother’s passing reminded me that death could come at any second and change everything.  It could be the death of a loved one or it can be your own.  So, don’t spend endless time on things that don’t really matter.  Doing so is insanity.  Life is temporary.  Make every day meaningful.

I love to discuss things of meaning with my friend Steve because he’s a good and smart man.  We’re also the same age (though I always remind him that he’s six months older than I am) so we’re always in the same season of life.  I also know that he understands the impact of death on ones life more than most.  So, we were taking a few precious moments to explore the concept of fading memory.

Fading memory happens to all people.  No, I don’t mean the dementia or Alzheimer’s type of fading memory.  I mean that the life of almost every person born on earth has about a two generational time frame.  For example, I knew only one of my grandparents, but I can remember her and a little about her.  My children, however, do not have any memory of her at all!  To them, she never really existed!

Steve was telling me that he has had a similar experience.  “My grandparents were amazing people.  They accomplished a lot!  But my children have no knowledge of them at all.  It’s made me reevaluate what really has importance in life and accomplishment.”

Then he went on to say, “My son helped a refugee from Africa to create a foundation to help others who share in his own, former dire circumstances. His involvement in helping people, who really need the help right now, has helped me to remember what is of real importance and value.”

Doing memorable good is of real importance!  The people helped by the foundation Steve’s son is involved with will have children that will remember the good it produced for generations to come.  No, they won’t remember Steve’s son or really know much about him, but the good he has done will continue to live on in perpetuity.   Today’s children, and their children will live in better circumstances as a direct result of his efforts.  It is becoming an organic, growing memory and legacy.

Do you want to leave a growing memory and legacy as a result of your life?  If you do, then perhaps you might like to begin to ask yourself the same, or similar question I’ve decided to ask myself each day now. 

Am I leaving a legacy of good, or am I just leaving?