Six Shooters & Cowboy Hats

“They came with six shooters on their hips and nobody took their cowboy hat off for the entire funeral.” – Duaine Rasmussen

Six Shooters & Cowboy Hats

“It’s a real bummer when almost everyone you know is dying.”  Duaine said to me as we sat down to review a real estate purchase contract.  His words caught me by surprise.

“I’ve been to two funerals lately.”  Duaine continued.  “They’ve both been most interesting and so different!  The first one I went to allowed me to catch up with life long friends.  The second one took me to Wyoming where I saw things I thought were long past.”

As Duaine spun his tales to me I was completely engaged.  I loved his stories and how he animated them.  They had greatly impacted his life.  Now they were impacting mine as well.

Most of us can’t see the true impact that other people have on us until we’re forced to accept some sort of finality.  For some reason the ending we call death allows us to compress time and gather our experiences of a lifetime into a packaged memory, a memory with meaning far beyond what we can comprehend while we’re still engaged in the experience.  This is what I was watching Duaine do right before my eyes.  It was a beautiful process to behold, full of discovery, joy and fulfillment.

Discovery.  “His sons walked into the funeral.  They came with six shooters on their hips and nobody took their cowboy hat off for the entire funeral.  I couldn’t believe it!  But, it was the personification of the way he lived his life.  He loved ranching, hunting and being in the outdoors!  It was the most fitting tribute they could have offered him.”  Duaine told me as he described the last funeral he attended in Wyoming.  I could see the joy in his eyes as his words brought his friend right back to life.

Joy.  “I remember those two guys and how they loved to golf.  In fact, the most unbelievable thing happened to them one time on the golf course.  They were in the middle of a round of golf one Sunday when one of them turned to the other and said, ‘I think we should start to attend church.’  At that very moment they both packed up their clubs, in the middle of their round, and left the golf course!  They went home, changed their clothes and went to church.  I didn’t think it would stick, but it did!”  Duaine expressed to me with a laugh on his face and a fulfilled glow all around him.

Fulfillment.  “When it’s my time to go I hope I can go out like these two did.  You know, I’ve lived a great life and I’m ready to go as soon as my number is up.  I don’t know when that will be, but I have great kids and wonderful grandkids.”  Duaine expressed in a soft and loving way.

You and I can share Duaine’s loving way and experience as our precious ones finish their well-lived lives.  Their deaths can be a time of discovery, joy and fulfillment for us as we follow Duaine’s pattern of recollection.

Duaine’s tales and feelings memorized me.  And, as we turned back to our business, the stated reason for my visit, I couldn’t help but realize that the true reason for our meeting was so I could hear about six shooters, cowboy hats and lives celebrated.

Handicapped?

“All of us have the time and ability to do what we really want to do!  Even those of us who have bodies that can’t do what they used to be able to do.” – Jeffrey Smith

Handicapped?

We had just finished a long, large meeting in a hall that held about 400 people.  I had the good fortune to be sitting next to my good and long term friend Jeff.  At the end of the meeting he got up to greet another attendee, and I noticed a flash in his eyes.

“I know that look!” I said to myself.  It was the look Jeff gets when his pain is on the edge of unbearable.  It made my heart hurt, but I stood there waiting for him because I wanted to have a brief conversation.

When he finished I asked him if we could talk for a minute.  He turned toward me and then began to drop lower so he could relieve his burden.  I saw the same flash.  This time it was more pronounced.

“Are you alright?” I asked.

“Oh, sure.”  He answered.  “I just keep moving a long.”

“Speaking of moving along, I wanted you to know that I did as I told you I would.  I met with our friend over the telephone this week.  I have to tell you, she’s really full of anger!”  I said, continuing our conversation.

“Why did she say she’d move forward if she knew she wasn’t going to?”  He queried.

“I don’t know, but I’m not giving up on her yet!”

Then Jeff looked at me and thought deeply for a moment.  “She knows she doesn’t have much time left.  But, she’s spending her last months in the wrong way.”  He openly told me.

His comments took me by surprise!  I didn’t know she was going to die soon.  I was operating with the mistaken belief that her physical woes were behind her and that she was doing well again.  I wasn’t keeping up with her situation as well as I thought I was!

“You know, I remember very clearly the day my life was changed due to injury.  I went into surgery and had seven vertebrae fused!  I could do nothing.  At least that’s what I thought.  But, it wasn’t the truth!  Sure there are physical things I can no longer do, but I can still do everything of importance.”  Jeff paused and looked right into my eyes.

“All of us have the time and ability to do what we really want to do!  Even those of us who have bodies that can’t do what they used to be able to do.”

I must have had a funny look on my face because he continued to teach me.

“You know I really mean we all have the time to do the things that are really important, if we want to.  I can’t play games that my body can’t handle, but I can still wrap my arms around my grandkids.  I can still reach out to give others help.  I can give everyone around me love.  That’s not to say I’m the best administrator around.  Lots of people have more organizational ability than I do.  But, nobody has the ability to care about other people more than I do.  What I give to others is just me.  Just Jeff.  And, I happy with that.”

I’ve known that Jeff has physical challenges the entire time I’ve known him.  I’ve always been able to see the pain that never ends in his eyes.  But, because he is always “just Jeff” I’ve never considered him to be handicapped in any way.

He’s like hundreds of others I know as a result of my work at Special Olympics Utah.  He makes me ask myself, “Am I the one who is handicapped?”  Have you ever asked the same question?

You and I are the only ones who can truly be ourselves, do what we really want to do, be who we were meant to be.  Are you handicapping yourself?

Lights Everywhere

“Thank you for coming to check on us!” – Jay Anderson

Lights Everywhere

In the early morning there is no great light in the sky, so when public assistance lights flash, they act as eye catchers.  Red, white and blue lights had captured virtually all of my vision and well as my interest on this particular cold morning.

Such lights are especially intriguing where I live, due to their infrequency.  My rural lifestyle isn’t conducive to a lot of excitement.  Emergency lights are noticed here!  As I approached Jay’s house I could see a sheriff, ambulance and fire rescue all crowded together near the drive.   But, I couldn’t see what the problem was.  I got as close as I could get without introducing extra excitement from the dogs that were strung to me.

I shifted their leashes and said, “Let’s go home!”

They turned on a dime and we double-timed it toward our house.  Once I tucked them inside the house and gave them their breakfast I immediately slid into my car and drove right back, following the lights.

As soon as I rounded the corner I noticed another set of lights just emerging from Jay’s drive.  The other colored lights were leaving the scene, so I parked on the side of the road just near enough to seize Jay’s attention and he stopped.

As he stopped, I walked to his window just in time to see its top edge disappear into its steel hollow.

“I saw all the lights when I was walking my dogs.”  I said in greeting.  “Is everything alright?  Are you and Donetta well?”

His right hand began to rise slowing toward the opening in his truck.  His eyes spoke with sincerity.

“Everything is fine.”  He responded.  “We seem to have a problem with our carbon monoxide detectors.  We didn’t want to take any chances so we asked for help to check it out!”

He removed his leather work glove and gave my hand a warm clasp.  As he did so I noticed something different about his handshake.

“Thank you for caring.  Thank you for coming to check on us!”  He said with a smile and extra grip from his hand.

“You’re welcome!”  I responded.  “You guys are important to me and I wanted to see if you needed help!”

As he took one last look my way before he drove off, I noticed something in his eyes that I had never seen before.  I thought we were friends before, but now I knew my mistake.  We were merely acquaintances.  The light I saw coming from his eyes announced our new friendship.  It made me feel warm.

As I walked back toward my car I wondered.  I wondered how I could have mistaken a slight acquaintance with friendship, I’ve been fooling myself far more often than I would have liked.  Jay taught me that genuine caring is the only offering that can create true friendship. 

You can gauge a friendship’s depth from light expressed through the eyes of another.  It’s a light that permeates a soul.  You can feel it inside, everywhere.

Messages

“Tom tells them they are elite gymnasts every day!” – Megan Marsden

Messages

Most of us don’t have the opportunity to get advice directly from someone who is the “best” at what they do.  But, a few nights ago that’s exactly what happened to me.  I was invited to an intimate gathering with Megan Marsden and Tom Farden after their team’s best performance of the season.  Megan and Tom are the Co-Head Coaches for University of Utah Gymnastics, the most winning gymnastics program in history.  Megan was speaking casually about her team with us when she said something of such significance I made a mental note of it and have been mulling it over for days now.

“Tom tells them they are elite gymnasts every day!” Megan said.

Here’s the thing.  The women on their team have already established themselves as some of the best gymnasts in the world.  Every one of them has received hundreds of metals and ribbons.  They have had thousands of people cheer for them and have left crowds of people in awe as they have performed.  They were recruited to be on a team with a legendary reputation and made the team!  So, why would Tom need to remind them of who they are every day?

Opposition!

You and I may not have a lot in common with these extraordinary people.  But we do share one basic life predicament with them.  We all face opposition.

Opposition is all around each one of us.  It is perhaps the one thing, above all else, that beats us down and allows us to accelerate our personal growth at the same time.  It is awful at times, exhilarating at other times, and never ending until the day we leave mortality.  We will never be able to fully shield ourselves from it.  That’s why Megan and Tom use the “Message Principle” to combat it.

The Message Principle is simple yet profound.  You see, we are believing creatures and, we begin to accept messages that are delivered to us often.  So, in order to live successfully and happily we need to hear at least as many good messages as negative messages.  Let me give you a personal example of messaging and how I recently became aware of how it is affecting me.

I was doing some work and made a mistake.  Because of Megan and Tom I noticed immediately, after my mistake, the message ringing in my mind.  “You’re such an idiot!”  I noticed this derogatory self-communication because it is far different from “you’re an elite gymnast!”  Of course I’m not an elite gymnast, but a negative message is just as damaging to me as a positive message is helpful to me.

In order to be helpful to ourselves we must be the recipients of as many positive messages as possible.  And, as we’ve discussed, positive messages come from within as well as from without.  This is something else we have in common with Utah’s elite gymnasts!

So, you and I can begin to do as elite gymnasts do.  We must practice and master the Message Principle.  Here are three suggestions.

First, begin to notice the self-messages you are delivering each moment. Don’t believe everything you say to yourself.  If your internal messages are not positive, gently correct them when they enter your mind. “No!  I’m not an idiot.  I simply made a small mistake!  I’m very good at correcting my mistakes.”

Second, listen to the messages those around you give.  I have a friend working with a horrible boss.  Her boss likes to give her negative messages in virtually every conversation.  It has made my friend’s live a misery!  But, it is something she can correct by simply, and respectfully, rejecting her boss’ negative messages by saying, “I did exactly as you asked and you approved the steps I took.  I did a great job!” When others aren’t treating you fairly, don’t let their negative message stand.  Correct negative messages sent and make them positive.

Third, if everyone around you provides you with negative messaging find new people to associate with.  People tend to become like the people they spend their time with.  Spend your life with people who make you feel good about yourself and are invested in helping you become the best person you can be!

Tom and Megan have taught me that the right messaging is critical to becoming the best.  I’ve found that when successful people tell me something of significance I should listen!  Get the message?

Being Lucky

“You’re lucky you came when you did!” - My Barber

Being Lucky

I was looking a little shaggy!  So, when I walked out of a meeting and looked across the street and saw a barbershop I began to make my way over.  It couldn’t have been more convenient for me and to make it all the better there was no wait!

Upon my arrival I was immediately ushered to a chair and when the cosmetologist began to put the cape around my shoulders she said, “You’re lucky you came when you did!  Look at the crowd now.”

I replied, “That’s the way it always goes for me!”

Her puzzled response was, “You’re always lucky like this?”

I said, “Yes! In fact my wife often says to me, ‘How do you always get such great parking spaces’”

“Really?”  She said with another question in tow, “How does that happen for you?”

“I just look for it to happen!  I simply expect it and it comes to me!”

When those words left my mouth and brushed my ears I realized that I didn’t always feel that way!  I was pleased with the personal change and I believe I can track its birth to my friend Kristin Murdock.

When I first met Kristin, and our mutual friend Lorraine Clark, I noticed that wonderful things, unusually great things, continually happened for Kristin.  In fact, it was so striking that I made a comment to Lorraine about it.

Lorraine’s response was, “Oh, that kind of things just follows her where ever she goes!”

That’s when I thought, “Wow, what a great way to live!  I should be so lucky.  I think I’ll become lucky like Kristin!”

It took me some practice, but I stuck at it.  I began to look for wonderful things to come my way.  I began to expect great parking spaces to be there upon my arrival.  I began to expect things to go well for me.  Soon the good just began to come to me as a result!  When they didn’t I’d say to myself, “Hum, that’s unusual.  Amazing things always happen to me, or I always get a great parking space.”

The results were so great that I decided to set goals using Kristsin’s, “Looking for it” principle in other areas of my life.  If I wanted to have five new, great clients come to me in the coming week I simply began to look for them and they would automatically be there as long as I did the work I knew I should be doing.  It’s been an amazing journey!

So, ask yourself, am I lucky?  If you can’t answer that question with a hearty yes, then begin to follow Kristin’s principle of “Looking for it” so you can initiate a change. But, be prepared, if you’re like me, you’ll need to practice before it will become your default approach to life.  Sincere practice will allow you to notice your new luck very soon!

Begin to be lucky today!