Find Your Voice

"I see things changing all around me and I just don't know what to say."

• Shane Riley
  

Find Your Voice

When I was doing business in China a close friend of mine introduced me to his uncle. He and his family lived in Shanghai and he was a professor at a local university. You know, I don't remember what subject he taught, but I do remember the lessons he taught me about the "Cultural Revolution" by sharing his experiences with me.

We were riding on a train from Shanghai to Wuxi for about four hours and it gave us a chance to talk, more or less in privacy, since the chance was very high we were the only ones, within ear-shot, who spoke English and would care about our discussion. In those days it was still very important to be careful about what one said because of the potential cost related to saying the wrong thing. I found this local political situation even more interesting as I observed a Canadian man and his wife who were sitting not far from us. It was clear to all that they didn't hesitate to say anything that came into their mind.

My traveling companion was however, very cognizant of what he said and it had taken me weeks to establish enough trust with him so he was willing to speak his mind. After getting to know him fairly well I knew he had a sharp mind. He also lived a life of introspection that made me believe he had much to teach me; it was the chance of a life time. He could pass a life experience to me that I could never have on my own.

"Tell me about the Cultural Revolution", I said.

He looked at me from his left with his head slightly to the side so he could keep a sharp eye on everyone around us. Then in a quiet voice he said, "It was a very hard time for me."

"How was it hard?" I replied.

"First, some men came and told me my house was too large for just my family. They had four other families with them. One family to a room they said. All the families now called my home theirs and we share the kitchen and the bathrooms."

I had been to his house so I knew this was true. I couldn't remember seeing so many people living in one house before. He, his wife and one child all shared what was once a single bedroom.

"Then they began to tell me what I could teach at the University. Someone reviewed all my lectures to make sure I was saying the right things."

"What did you do?" I queried.

"I kept to myself a lot. I read a lot. I read a lot! I was quiet. It was the only way I could keep myself and my family alive in those days."

I looked up at his face so I could see and feel the depth of his words. His eyes shimmered in the hazy sunlight. His face was tense and strong. His strength flowed in to me. It was as if I were dipping and drinking water from a deep, pure well. There was a great deal to learn from this man.

I was grateful to be with him. I was grateful to be there when he found his voice. His tale of hardship and oppression was not just important for me to hear. It was important for everyone in this world to hear. His story is unique to him so it is his and his alone to tell.

So it is with you. You have a unique story to tell. You are the only one who can tell it. If you don't tell it, no one will. No one else can.

You are my traveling companion and we're on a journey together. Who knows how long it will last. Who knows where we're going. Let's make sure we're all going to a great future. It can only be done if we have the benefit of being taught at the feet of each other.

There are so many ways you can tell us your story. Perhaps it is through your work. Perhaps it's through poetry. Perhaps it's through song. Maybe it's giving of yourself as a photographer. Take a moment today and make a decision as to what you're going to do to find your voice. Let us hear it.

If you lack courage, visualize a trip on a train going deeper into China by the second. Hear the wheels clicking beneath you. See yourself next to a quiet professor. Draw on his strength. Use it to strike a chord. Then, find your voice; teach us what only you know so all our lives can be deeper and richer.

Perception is Wrong

"Perception isn't real."

• Elena Radford
  

Perception is Wrong

I used to spend my life traveling. I know, it's what lots of people say they would like to do. You know, "When I retire I want to spend my time traveling!" After having to do it constantly for work I just smile to myself. I know there are challenges that go along with all that traveling. They just haven't discovered them yet. But, traveling all the time led me to first discovered "The Perception Trap."

You know that perceiving is the process of using your senses to acquire information about your surrounding environment or situation. You also know that it creates impressions, attitudes, or understanding based on what's observed or thought. The result of the process of perception is a neurological process of acquiring and mentally interpreting information from your senses. So, we really are a bunch of scientists watching our world closely and noting our perceptions in our lab notebook (our minds).

Some people have developed really good powers of observation. They've honed their ability to notice or discern things that escape the notice of most people. Traveling constantly puts you in situations that challenge your accepted beliefs based on your perceptions. In this way it is food for the mind. If there is one benefit to a life of travel this is it.

When traveling I used to go to many of the same communities on a regular basis so I developed a list of restaurants I liked to frequent. One of these is located in Marina Del Rey, California. There is a Cheesecake Factory there that sits right on the beach and it takes full advantage.

It has huge decks and patios that allow diners to sit outside and enjoy a wonderful water view. I've been there during all kinds of weather. It's almost always good to be outside eating there because they have umbrellas to block the sun. They have heaters and a fire pit to give warmth if necessary. And, they have glass walls to help block any wind that should come up. Since the menu at a Cheesecake Factory is so large and takes so long to get through the weather can change completely before I can even get through the entire thing!

When going through the menu once I stumbled across a drink I'd never seen before. They called it "Frozen Hot Chocolate." I really like warm cocoa so it caught my eye. It was a hot day so I thought I would give it a try; even though my perception was that "Hot Chocolate" was only good on nice cold days.

When my drink came out it was in a tall chilled glass mug. It was the same kind of mug you dream about when you're dying of thirst on a blistering hot day. Yes, this was going to be good, I told myself as I watched the droplets of water slithering down the side of the mug. I was not to be disappointed!

This chilled drink tasted just like the hot version without the hot temperature. I remember my mouth saying to my brain, "This can't be true, it tastes like hot chocolate but its cold!" What a perception buster!

My perception of what "hot chocolate" should be was changed forever! I found that I liked the frozen version much more than I liked the warm version. Whenever I went to Marina Del Rey I would order that very drink and savor every sip.

The sad thing is that after being on the menu for a few years they took it off. So if you go to a Cheesecake Factory you won't find it there unless they've put it back on the menu and I just don't know about it. I was really sad to see it go and haven't been able to find it anywhere else for years except for one time.

I was at a Cheesecake Factory and asked the waiter for the dink. He said, "It isn't on the menu anymore but I think I can get the kitchen to make one for you." I was thrilled when I saw him walking back to me a few minutes later with my favorite drink! What service! What an idea!

From that time forward I knew I could make this delightful drink for myself. Here is my recipe and you can use it exactly or make whatever alterations will make your tongue happy:

½ Cup Milk.

½ Cup Cocoa Mix. (I like the Stephens Gourmet Milk Chocolate)

Ten Ice Cubes.

You'll need a blender that will chop ice to make this and it's real easy if you have one.

Put the milk in the blender. Then put the cocoa mix in the blender. Put the blender on stir and run it for thirty seconds or so. Put five ice cubes into the blender and set it to the "ice drink" setting. I say only five because my wife and I have found that our blender doesn't work real well with more. When blended put in five more ice cubes and then blend them in until all the ices is crushed and the drink is smooth. Enjoy!

Perception can be a valuable thing in life but frozen hot chocolate proves that perception isn't real. Now you know this you'll never needlessly fall into The Perception Trap again. Who knows, you may find something you love because of this alone!

Make a Fifteen Minute Investment

"People don't care what you know until they know you care."

• Common Saying
  

Make a Fifteen Minute Investment

"I need to talk to you before you leave," she said.

That was all I need to hear and my interest was piqued. I spent the next couple of hours wondering what she needed and what my role was to be. We're friends. Our families are friends. Still, on a sliding scale of how well I know her family I would have to say that in reality I really only know them at a two out of ten. Perhaps that's why I was so intrigued at her comment out of the blue.

It wasn't even two hours later that I saw my chance to walk over and speak with her. She was surrounded by her family. Her son had just returned from the Middle East. I was glad he had returned home safely and I told him so.

As I looked straight into his face I remember thinking to myself, "He's so young." But at the same time he has a strong face; I thought for a moment that his rugged jaw might even be made of granite and his eyes of solid blue steel. He has what it takes. He has the look of a man who knows what he wants and the drive and determination to get it no matter what. Still, he's just a boy! Or, maybe I'm just looking at him through aged eyes.

His father's eyes aren't as old as mine, but they're not dancing with the brightness of hope today. They seem a little unsure. They definitely look uncomfortable. I see that a lot these days. People all around me know things have changed; and in most cases not for the better. Perhaps what I am seeing is a weary look. It is the kind of look that can only come from nights filled with worry and at times dread.

Then I looked at her eyes. They were moist, on the verge of tears. Still, they had a hint of determination. It's the look I've seen hundreds of times when someone has made a decision after a long and difficult struggle. Now my mind's question; what was her decision?

I said, "What would you like to talk with me about?"

That was like an invitation for the rest of the family to leave. They seemed to drift into a shadow I couldn't see. They just vanished! It wasn't long before I knew why.

"I need your help as a friend," she said.

"I'm glad to help," I replied.

I don't want to give you all the details of her story. That would be breaking a sacred trust. I will tell you that her story as told to me wasn't too different from my own. This seems to be the case with almost everyone I take the time to listen to. As people, we have a lot more in common than we ever think we do on the surface.

I spent the next few minutes listening. She talked in earnest. As she went through her story I watched the details as they were written in her face. I could feel the emotion as her words danced through my ears. I was eager to learn more.

Aside from her story there's something else interesting here. I've recognized it before. This time though it became so clear to me. The whole time we spent together I probably said fewer than one-hundred words.

There wasn't much I could tell her that she didn't already know. There wasn't much I could do for her that she and her family couldn't or weren't going to do on their own. The most important thing I could do for her was to spend our precious time together simply listening and letting her know that I understood what she and her family were going through.

When we parted I told her I would do what she asked and that I would be happy to help in other ways as well. Her burden wasn't lifted, but it is now shared. As I watched her turn and walk away I could tell she was lighter than before. I didn't do much. I just listened.

I told you before that on a scale, I knew her and her family at about a two. Now I can tell you I know them at about a seven. That's quite a jump after fifteen minutes!

It was an investment I would like to make time and time again. Where else can you get that kind of a return? Our lives were forever changed for the better as a result of this brief encounter.

We hear about "changing lives" often; most of the time we're told it just requires about "thirty-three cents a day." Perhaps that's true. I don't know if I'll ever know for sure.

I do know one thing for sure. There are people all around you that could really benefit from you simply listening to them. They need you to listen to their story. They need you to look into their eyes and read their face. They need someone to help lift their burden. They need you to really get to know who they are and what they're facing.

What will you receive in return? You'll have deeper friendships and a greater satisfaction in your own life! Be an active listener as soon as you can. They're out there waiting for your ears now. If you listen you can hear them calling!

Finding Your Life’s Work

"In order to know what your priorities are, you have to know what your work is."

• David Allen
  

Finding Your Life's Work

Have you ever thought about the difference between "your work" and a job? Lots of people don't know the difference between the two. Perhaps another way to look at this is to ask yourself, "Why do I exist?" After all, the primary purpose for anything provides the core definition of what its "work" really is. I like to think of this as the ultimate work description. Think of this as the genesis of all your goals, visions, objectives, projects, and actions. If you do, you'll soon discover that everything in your life will lead toward your "work."

That's a different thing than saying that everything in life leads to your job. They may not be the same thing. In fact, I think that for most people it's not the same thing. Your work may even have a completely different purpose than your job. Your job may have only one purpose and that purpose may only mean making money.

This week I was thinking about my work as it relates to my job in a different way. If I view my job as simply one small part of my work, does it make a difference in how I do my job? Will I make different decisions in my job if my job supports my work? Will money still be the most important driver in doing my job if I've changed my view of it as a tool in completing my life's work?

Do you know people that have lost a friendship over money? One of my favorite sayings is, "The surest way to lose a friend is to lend her money." In similar fashion, there have been times in my life when I've had to ask myself a very important question, "How much money is this friendship worth to me?

No, I only don't mean that I only want to have friendships with people that provide me with money. But, there have been times when I've had to remind myself of my life's work when doing business with a friend. What will it take to make sure my friend is going to say that I've treated them right? How would I want to be treated in a similar situation? According to the contract, or my word, I only need to do this much to be able to make more money; but, what's the cost of doing only what the contract says I need to do? At the end of a transaction will my friend say, "I'd trust you with anything!"?

So, turn this on its side and think of it from a slightly different view. "The surest way to lose your purposed life is to focus it completely on money."

Have you ever known anyone who is focused only on money? Was it hard to tell what their purpose was?

On the other hand, if someone were to spend time with you would they be able to identify what your life's work is?

My friend Wade Anderson owns Tooele Valley Nursery and after spending time with him I think I have a pretty good idea about what his work in life is. Yes, you may say well, that's an easy one because his work is selling plants.

My reply to that would be no, his job is selling plants, but that's not his work! How do I know? I've watched him work with people over and over again when he's given people an exchange or a refund when he didn't need to. I've seen him give lots of advice to people, including me, without charging a consulting fee. He has a clear approach to his business and as a result, he has a clear approach to his life's work; helping people create beauty in their life by providing counsel and gardening materials (my definition). I think that's a lot different than just selling plants!

If you sell plants, airplanes, shoes, cars, real estate or do anything else for money, ask yourself, "How does this fit into the big picture of my life?" What do I like to do with my time when I have nothing else telling me what to do? What am I doing when I completely lose track of time? If money wasn't a concern, what would I do with my life?

If you can answer these questions then you can begin to create your life rather than simply react to what life's throwing your way. I want you to be able to be like my friend Ron Green when he said to me, "My life turned out exactly the way I wanted it to."

Be an observer this week. Notice what you do and why you do it. Think about your past and notice what you've liked to do and why. Take the time to determine what your life's work is and then go and make it happen!