That Moment

“She just hasn’t had her moment yet.” – Mark DeAngelis

That Moment

It was one of those moments for me.  I looked out of the window of the restaurant and saw my friend Mark DeAngelis.  I was truly glad to see him.  You see, it wasn’t long ago that he had heart surgery and I worried that I may never see him again.

I was pleased to see how wonderful he looked and asked him to tell me how things went as soon as we sat down at the table.

He told me about the process he went through as he discovered he had a problem with his health and then he talked me through the details of getting ready for surgery, his experience in the hospital and his recovery.  I was eager to hear about all of it.  But one thing in particular really made a distinct impression on me.  It was about his discovery of “That Moment.”

“When I was getting ready to go in to surgery my doctor said that if things didn’t go well I’d never wake up again.  That’s when my life changed.” Mark explained.

“Most of us go through life acting as if our life will never end.  We spend our time worried about things that don’t really matter.  I was with one of my closest friends the other day and she was upset over something inconsequential.  I told her not to sweat the small stuff!” 

Perhaps what impressed me the most was what he said next.

“She just hasn’t had her moment yet.”

He was a little wistful as he spoke. I could feel nothing but love as he went on.

“When you have ‘That Moment,’ it changes your life forever.  You clearly understand what’s important and what’s not.  I just happen to have had my personal transformation.  So, I know what it’s like on the other side of such an experience.  I tell people about it, but for most it remains an elusive principle to understand.”

His genuine caring and compassion acted as a guide to me and allowed me to better understand.  I could see his new way of looking at the world through his eyes.  I could feel the strength of his heart as he poured it out to me. 

Having “That Moment” caused Mark’s heart to be recovered in two ways.  He is physically strong.  But, most importantly his “heart” has experienced a reformation and he longs for you and me to experience the same.  Could this be “That Moment” for you?

A Broken Body

Carol Abbott Butterfield

A Broken Body

I have always known that people learn a lot from their parents.  But, it seems as if almost all of the focus, I’m aware of, is how much we learn from our parents during our “formative” years.  These are a person’s young years, generally believed to be somewhere before the age of six or eight.  And, these years are indeed important.  They create a foundation for a person’s life in many, many ways.  But, over the last few years, and especially the last couple of months, I’ve been able to receive a new bolster to my own foundation for living an abundant life.

This new strengthening came upon me in an unexpected way, in an unexpected form.  The form was that of a broken body, my mother’s.

I learned many things from my mother during the course of my life, but perhaps not nearly as much as I learned from her as I saw her wither right before my eyes.  Looking back, I can remember visiting her in the hospital on several occasions as she was being treated for fractures in her spine.  She was in immense and continuous pain for her last four years or so, yet she never gave up hope.  She never stopped working to get better.

When her heart began to fail she could no longer take care of herself.  We surrounded her as a family and provided her with love and the best care we could obtain for her.  Still, she would gasp for breath, desire to do more for her self, and act as if she was just fine.

We all knew she wasn’t, just fine, and felt helpless as we watched her pain increase and her strength drain away.  Had we been able to remove her struggles and make her whole again we would have done so.  But we couldn’t.  She battled on with bravery and encouragement for all to receive.  And I received a lot.  When I visited with her I was constantly amazed at her strength of character.

That admiration continued right up to the night, two days before she passed away.  She and I sat next to each other talking well into the night.  It was just the two of us and of course, she was asking me about the welfare of my three daughters.  We remembered our times together with fondness and she reassured me of her love for all of us.  When I told her that my daughter Kilee was going to have her first child she simply beamed at me and said, “You’ll be a wonderful Grandpa!”  I’ve never seen her so happy.

Unfortunately her life ended a short two days later.  But, the lessons she taught me over her last days, months and years burn bright in my memory.  A broken body could not keep her from teaching me the real meaning of perseverance, internal strength of character, the importance of keeping a healthy sense of humor, optimism, and the value of enduring love.

May we all follow her example by living a life time of formative years!

Wrestling in a Mirror

Two telephone calls from John.

Wrestling in a Mirror

I received a call from a close friend and client just a couple of days ago.  As soon as the conversation began I could tell it wasn’t going to be an easy one.  In fact, after about three minutes of listening, I was finally able to get a calming word in.

I’ve known the caller, John, for a long time and he is one of the most kind and clear thinking people I’ve ever met.  He’s always been a great friend and we have a wonderful relationship.  But, during our phone call his demeanor was much different than it normally is.  My only hope was to simply show him loyalty and love so he could comfortably return to himself.

My experience is that the most difficult struggles we face in life are internal.  I’ve never wrestled with anyone who has given me more difficulty than I’ve given my self.  As I listened to John, I could tell that he was having the same experience.  Luckily, I knew that John is a man of great internal strength.

Internal strength is a hallmark of good character.  It is the beginning of all personal greatness.  It makes right-minded-thinking, morality, good habits and productive life possible.  It is also the catalyst for the development of wisdom and personal wellbeing.  And, at the moment of our conversation, John was truly consumed by worries related to his wellbeing.

There can be no failure when it comes to expressing love to another person.  It is the great softener of hearts.  Showing ordinary love always produces extraordinary results.  The simple act of sincerely offering missing information, giving personal praise and confirming individual loyalty opened the door for John to stop wrestling internally so he could regain his true nature toward the end of our conversation.

As our exchange ended I was filled with an overwhelming peace, wonder and gratitude.  I felt at peace because John was going to be able to accomplish what he truly needed to have happen.  I was filled with wonder because I felt as if I had been wrestling with a mirror.  I could recall so many times when I had lost my own internal strength and felt as if there was no way for me to become my self again.  Finally, I felt tremendous gratitude for the realization that there is indeed no failure when it comes to expressing love to another person, even to your self when you are a mere reflection of the person you truly are.

Doing Right by Being Right

Chuck McCown

Being Right by Doing Right

I got a message from my friend Chuck, “I want to list my factory building for sale or for lease.”

I was grateful that he would desire to work with me, but I was also a little concerned.  You see, Chuck has been dealing with some very difficult challenges over the past couple of years.  I was hoping his request was not the result of a deepening of those challenges and scheduled a time for us to meet.  We soon sat down to talk and I was filled with relief.

Of course, we talked about his building, but we also talked about his personal situation.  My heart was filled with peace as I listened to him describe his path forward.  There was not one moment of anger or disillusion as he spoke.  He had made the decision to live according to his most cherished core values and his strength of character radiated encouragement to me.

I had spent the entire week working with unreasonable people so Chuck’s encouragement was most welcome.  And now, his example was also most appreciated.  His example allowed me to realize that I had been approaching my current challenge in the wrong way!

I had been focused on the fact that I was right!  But this fact was of no consequence to my antagonist.  My conversation with Chuck awakened me to the real issue before me.  My real choice was not one of right and wrong according to reason and law.  I had to choose to live in harmony with my own deep and defining core values or stay stuck and embittered by being right.

One of my deepest, governing values is based on the principle of allowing others to choose their own path, make their own decisions.  When they do so I openly accept their choice and hold no residual malice.  I had been violating my own conscience for a full week and it was causing me to feel awful inside.  Now I knew my internal discomfort was the result of suppressing my own values behind a shield of being right.

Being focused on being right did not allow me to see the larger picture of doing what was right.  The right thing to do is to always live a life true to one’s own best and deepest core values.  So, having my compass firmly reset, I made the decision to be right by doing the right thing.

We are, all of us, constantly making decision as to how to respond to others.  In doing so, asking the simple question, “Am I just proving my self to be right, or am I doing right?” will always allow you and me to feel at peace within ourselves while pursuing peace with others.  Be right by doing right.