Breaking Free

Merlin on a tether.

Breaking Free

I was making some fifteen-bean soup a cold winter morning.  When I woke up and looked out the window I saw frost; that’s why I had the idea.  As I was working away in my kitchen I looked out through the window again and saw Merlin, my daughter’s dog, out sniffing around.

He ran this way and that.  Looking.  Sniffing. Tangling!

Rather than run out to get him free of his predicament I waited, just so I could see what he did. 

At first he simply sat and barked for a little help to come his way.  Then when the help didn’t come, he turned on his little haunches and went to where his tether was loose.  When he felt a strong pull on his harness he stopped and when the other way.  But, he was never able to follow his tether around the tree that shortened his leash and inhibited his ability to run forward freely.  He couldn’t see the connection.

I could see the connection because of my vantage point.  I also knew how to deal with the entanglement because of my years of experience.  He’s still a young puppy, a Welsh Corgi isn’t too high off the ground, and lacks experience.  He couldn’t see the reason for his inability to run and do the things he loves!  I decided to help.

I walked out and guided him around the tree that held him bound.  Showed him he was free of it and then walked back with him into the house where he would feel comfort and safety.

Don’t you and I want to feel the same kind of comfort and safety in our lives?  Don’t we want to overcome our challenges successfully and then return home in personal triumph?  I’ve never met anyone without this need and desire.  Yet, we’ve all faced the dilemma of little Merlin in same way.

When in our home, I rubbed his little ears and thought to myself, “I’m just like you!  I seem to get stuck over and over again and then I react in the same way over and over again.  I whine a little, bark a little and hope that someone will come to my rescue.”

So, here I go, I’m making another commitment to you my friend.  Next time I’m out in the big world doing what I do, sniffing around a little, there will come a time when I hit the end of my self-created tether.  I’ll wonder why I can’t move forward.  That’s when and where I’ll stop.  But this time I’ll choose not to sit, bark and whine.

Merlin has shown me that if I’ll simply follow my tether back to the beginning, carefully, I’ll be able to identify the tree that is deeply rooted and holding me back.  I’ll recognize it for what it is, a simple barrier that needs to be challenged by moving around it in a way I’ve never tried before.

Doing what I’ve never tried before is a scary task.  It looms in front of me as an unconquerable giant.  But, I can conquer myself! I’ll realize I created the first trail and follow it back to a release point.  Then I’ll break a new trail, past my barrier, toward success.

I’ve seen successful, little, Merlin often.  He runs free, like the wind!  His triangular ears are pinned back in aerodynamic form!  He has a smile and an amazing look of joy as he relishes running free.  I don’t have an aerodynamic ear formation and don’t run very fast, but I look forward to the joy I’ll feel as I break my self-created tethers one at a time!

Transforming Relationships

“Did your family found Herriman?” – Nathan Brock

Transforming Relationships

I was just finishing a team meeting when Nathan came over to me.  Everyone else had left the room.

“Did your family found Herriman?”  He asked.

“Yes.”  I said.

“I think we might be related.” Nathan continued.

Then we talked for a while and as we talked, there was a transformation in our relationship.  In many ways, the relationship was the same.  The people were the same.  Our roles on the team were the same, but there was a change non-the-less.

You and I have relationship transforming opportunities presented to us often.  But, more often than not, we walk away from such without feeling any more connected than before.  So, what is it that allows us to transform our relationships from casual acquaintances to something more meaningful?

From an outside view, one might conclude that the reason Nathan’s relationship with me transformed into something deeper was the discovery of common blood.  But that isn’t the case.  I’m related to many people I know and I still haven’t deepened a bond with them.  So, ancestry sharing is not necessarily transformative.  Yet, the answer can still be found by looking a little deeper in to my interaction with Nathan.  I think it reveals a pattern you and I can follow.

First, Nathan and I freely put ourselves in a position to have regular, meaningful interaction.  We chose to focus on working together to help others in a structured way.  It’s the combination of focus & structure that allow for change to occur.

Second, our work together is based on more than a “hope” of getting another person into our personal network.  We recognize that every person is working with the objective of helping someone else move forward more rapidly in growing his or her business.  People working together for the benefit of another will always grow a relationship deeper than two people focusing on their own relationship.

Third, the way you give of yourself will cause other, like-minded people to be attracted to a long-term relationship with you.  When I’m in Cooperative Venturing Team Meetings I always pay close attention to what other members of the team are saying.  It allows me to learn how they think, what they know and who they are.  Needless to say, there are some people who impress, teach, and inspire others.  Then there are those whose participation does just the opposite.  Giving your best to others will always reveal your finest personal qualities.

Finally, Nathan’s kindness in revealing our familial connection opened the door for us to have a meaningful exchange.  I learned a lot about him, his life, his family, where he lives and what he hopes to achieve.  Had he not allowed himself to become openly vulnerable, an invisible, yet real barrier would have continued to exist.  Sharing information and personal insights demonstrate your capacity to become more than a one-dimensional acquaintance.

Every one of us can transform our lives beyond one-dimensional acquaintanceships.  We can all have special, rewarding relationships.  All it takes is a little structure, a focus on helping other people, and giving your best so you can reveal your personal qualities while sharing yourself in an honest & open way.  Are you interested in transforming your relationships?

Give me a Break!

“I just didn’t accomplish anything in 2014.” – Phil Grimm

Give me a Break!

A group of us were headed to dinner.  It was a cool, but not cold evening.  So, we decided to walk the short distance down 200 South Street to our chosen location.  Our walk gave me a chance to talk with my friend Phil.

Phil is one of the most successful people I know.  I love to work with him because it allows me to see things the way he sees them.  He sees things much the same as I do, but he sees things I don’t see and I marvel.  I use our time together to learn how to see what he sees, because if I can adjust my thinking to incorporate the way he thinks, I’ll benefit a lot.  Now that I’m with him, I’m doing what I almost always do.  I listen.

“I’m going to do better this year!”  Phil says to me.  “Last year was just a blur.  I just didn’t accomplish anything in 2014.”

Phil is always generous to me and I’m wondering why he isn’t being very generous to himself.  I know he accomplished a lot.  But that isn’t his view right now, so I listen and make sure he knows I’ll do anything I can to help him reach his goals.  I also have an “I’m looking at myself in the mirror” moment.

As I look into that mirror I realize that I have a habit of being real critical when it comes to how I live my own life.  Maybe it’s the society we live in.  Maybe it’s just a few of us who are driven to keep pushing toward achievement.  That’s why my friend Michael Sears describes us as “Mushers.”

A musher is a person who is constantly working, someone who is personally demanding.  As I listen to Phil a life changing thought comes rushing like a high velocity wind.

“Give yourself a break.”

The thought wasn’t for Phil.  I was giving a Phil the break he deserved.  I know how hard he works and all he accomplishes!  The thought was reflected in my mirror.

Now I’m taking steps to learn how to be a little more generous to myself, how to be more kind.  And, I’ve started by creating a “shift” phrase, “Give me a Break!”  When I am feeling as if I haven’t done all I wanted to do, I haven’t reacted the way I ought, or I’m not everything I want to be, I’m saying to myself, “Give me a Break!” 

It’s making a difference!  Give it a try.  I can’t think of anyone who deserves a break more than you!

Cardboard Chacter

“You can’t design a character too specifically.” – Lee Child

Cardboard Character

During the holiday period this season I was able to enjoy some time reading a book by one of my favorite authors.  I’ve admired his work for a long time so I also took an opportunity to learn from his three conclusions about being a successful writer.

His “most confounding” conclusion struck a real chord with me:  “You can’t design a character too specifically.” 

Perhaps this was so striking to me because of the New Year.  Many use the New Year to write goals and make resolutions.  I’ve always thought doing so was helpful and a good thing to do.  But now, Lee Child has given me a new way to look at developing my own character.

“To think too carefully would produce a laundry list of imagined qualities and virtues and would result in a flat, boring, cardboard character.”  Lee wrote.  “I would be consulting a mental checklist – ‘I need to satisfy this demographic . . . check . . . and please these people . . . check . . .’ – until I had a guy with all the spark and life beaten out of him.  So I quite self-consciously pushed that thirty-five year soup of ideas and influences into the distant background and decided to relax and see what would come along.”  He continued.

Now I’m not suggesting you and I stop making and keeping goals but, I am suggesting that perhaps we take some time to push some of the ideas and influences from our past back into the past so as to discover the spark of life again.  In this regard, I remember reading a quote from long-past-forty Cher some time ago.

“I never date men who are over forty because by the time a man reaches forty he is so beaten down by life that he’s forgotten how to dream.  He doesn’t have any dreams left.”

Of all the people living in today’s world you and I are the most capable of dreaming.  We’ve lived our lives in a culture of possibility.  And even though I sell real estate for a living, I don’t think the American Dream has ever simply been “to have a house with a white picket fence and a patch of dirt.”  The American Dream, to me, is that you and I have opportunity to cast off the false cultural & personal habits from our past so we can chase and live our dreams freely.  A cardboard character will never have or live a dream. 

So, I’m making a commitment to scrap all parts of myself that would be considered as cardboard character.  As your friend, I invite you to break free of living as the person other people think you should be and live the life you’ve only dreamt about.  “Decide to relax and see what comes along.” 

“Character is king. There are probably fewer than six books every century remembered specifically for their plots.  People remember characters.”

Let’s live memorable lives.  Let’s write our own character.  I’m excited to see who we are!