Living in the Glow of Love

"Because he's fighting brain cancer"

• Ashley Nobles
  

        Living in the Glow of Love

We drove down a long dirt road covered in water puddles before we came to a house located in the shadow of the biggest dog I've ever seen. I'm telling you that when a dog stands on all four legs and can almost look me in the eye I get a little nervous. So when the car stopped and it was time to get out I opened the door very slowly just to see if it was safe to walk up to the house to visit a friend.

As soon as I cracked the door open a tail as big as a baseball bat began to sway back and forth, back and forth. I knew then that it was safe to go outside. I also knew that if I didn't want a broken leg, I'd have to stay away from that now rapidly moving tail!

As my friends and I began to walk up the driveway we were joined by a young woman and man carrying a large, brown cardboard box. The box didn't seem too heavy but maneuvering up some stairs and around the swinging baseball bat of a tail was a little complicated. Still, soon we were, all five of us, greeted at the front door with wide open arms.

It was an impromptu meeting that I hadn't anticipated. Three of us were there to visit our friend John. Sure, we had seen him briefly not more than three days before, but that brief reunion hadn't given any of us much satisfaction since we couldn't sit and talk.

Now we were all sitting and talking. Well, all but the other two.

I sat in a nearby corner and watched the tall, lean couple as they intently placed the box they'd been carrying on an island in the kitchen. They carefully opened the box and began to remove its contents. I was curious.

At first just one shirt was pulled from the box. I could see it had some writing and a picture on it, but I couldn't see what it said. Then an entire bindle of shirts was extracted leaving the man's arms fully loaded and heavily laden. The woman, Ashley, walked over to our little group carrying the first, single shirt with a beaming smile.

Now I could read it.

"I'm running for my Dad." The front of the white t-shirt read.

Then she turned the shirt so we could all see the back for the first time; and there, in a full color photograph, her father John was revealed. It was a picture of the old John, the father and friend we were there to visit. It also had a caption below the picture.

It said, "Because he's fighting brain cancer."

She reached out and showed it to her father, the current John, the one we were showing our love to; the one that no longer looked like the picture on the shirt. But still the same person we love and admire.

My eyes became moist as I drank in the scene. I remembered the old saying, "Wearing your emotions on your sleeve." This was different. This was a declaration of an undying love, an unconditional love. This was an example of a pure love I'll be treasuring for a lifetime.

Our hearts were warmed, our friendships were renewed and we walked back out to the car. I looked back at the house; the house that was in the shadow of the big dog when I arrived. As I looked through the window I saw something else now. There wasn't a shadow there anymore. There was a loving glow that set a blaze within my heart.

Life is More Than One Snapshot

"I am doing some amazing things with pinhole photography now."

• Rick
  

Life is More Than One Snapshot

Rick, Maryanne and I were walking down a gravel road talking about their horses. They have big draft horses.

"People ask me why we have them," Rick said. "We began to get them from a lab in Canada as part of a rescue program. But we never really appreciated them until we began to work with them. They're the smartest horses I've ever seen and they have embraced their new, happier life."

I listened intently. As he went on, I could feel my interest in his tale beginning to peak and then swirl around in a hurricane of related ideas.

These magnificent animals were used as a growth vessel for estrogen that would be given to human subjects whose lives were in transition. I couldn't help but see the parallels related to their own lives. Rick and Maryanne were now vessels helping these same beings to make a transition of their own.

"Some may say that these horses are all used up, not worth anything anymore. But that would be a simple-minded, myopic view to say the least. I call such a view a "pinhole shot" just like I use in my photography."

Rick is gallery photographer. He's what some might call an "experimental shooter." He's had shows dedicated to his work so when he was explaining his new pinhole process to me I couldn't help but relate it to our conversations regarding his horses.

"A photograph is a snap shot of something. A pinhole photo is an even more restrictive type of view that yields a sort of distorted picture of the whole. It tells a story, but it doesn't tell the whole story," Rick explained. "To tell more of the story one must take a series of photos taken at different times, angles and places."

I looked across the field at my own horses and thought of the hundreds of stories I could tell about each one of them. Then my eyes glanced off the silhouette of my house and I thought the same thing. This house, this land, these horses, this life is different moment by moment and each moment has a story of its own.

Later in the day I heard a different story. I listened as another friend of mine was talking about his health and financial issues. I could tell he was discouraged and challenged. He was feeling all used up just like the one snapshot view of Rick's rescued draft horses. As I looked through the pinhole photograph he was describing I quickly began to see an expanding view and said to him, "You know Steve, even pioneers pushing handcarts across the American west didn't live a whole life pushing their handcarts."

Life is more than just one pinhole snapshot. So, next time you're struggling look through the pinhole of pain and see a broader life; a life full of collected moments. Find encouragement by looking through your gallery of remembered happiness and know that with a little patience, vision, love and work that happiness will return again as this moment transitions into another.

Seizing Small Moments

"My brother ties my shoes and I just keep putting them on because I don't know how to time my shoes."

• Paul Gearo
  

Seizing Small Moments

I was in my home office working against a deadline. My nose was up against a window, so to speak, so I had my head down and worked as fast as I could. The house was empty and quiet. The working conditions were perfect! Yet, I had no idea how perfect they were about to become.

The door bell rang without warning. I wasn't expecting anyone so I was slow to react; intent on keeping my head in my work. It rang again. I could almost feel the anxiety of the person ringing the bell. It rang again; and, again.

Hesitantly I stood up and began to walk to the door. The bell rang two more times before I could open the door. I'm sure I opened it just before the bell was to ring again.

When I swung the door open, the threshold was partially filled by a young boy, about ten or twelve years of age. I knew him. He lived next door. His name is Paul. Sometimes I take care of his hamster when he goes on vacation. Paul calls him "Hammy." When he lives with me his name is "Simon." But, Paul isn't visiting to ask me to watch his hamster this time.

"Mr. Butterfield! Pillsbury (my cow) is out. Can I help you catch him?"

The "Pillsbury Dough Bull" has decided to seek the greener pasture of my back yard. I didn't notice because I was so intent on my work. Luckily Paul watches everything around my house. He's a great neighbor. We walk out back together.

Since I know Pillsbury is all about eating, that's how he got his Dough Boy Figure, we coax him back into the pasture with some of his favorite hay. Then Paul and I walk around the fence so we can determine what needs to be repaired.

As we track the fence line we come across a good sized stretch of mud. It sucks and pulls at our shoes in an effort to extract them from our feet. Paul just about loses his!

"Paul, let's stop so you can tie your shoes," I say.

"I don't know how to tie them" he replies. "My brother ties them and I just keep putting them off and on."

Paul is a very smart kid! I puzzle at his response. But, my experience with one of my own children has taught me that sometimes a person can be a "genius" and still have some type of uncompleted wiring in the brain that's just not quite developed yet.

We find a break in the electric fence. "Do you know how to tie a bowline knot?" I ask.

Paul says, "No. I don't know how to tie knots. They're too complicated for me. It's like my shoes, people show me how to tie them but, I can't remember how!"

We stand there and I show him how to tie a bowline knot. "The rabbit comes out of the hole, goes around the tree and back down the hole," I say. "Now the two ropes will stay strong and connected."

Paul and I walk back toward my house. "Let's sit on the steps and I'll teach you an easy way to tie your shoes," I say.

We get to the steps and sit down together. "Make one bunny ear. Then make another . . .," I explain.

After a few tries Paul gets it! He does it two more times before his father drives into their driveway. When Paul sees him he about jumps right out of his shoes as he shouts, "My dad's home!" I watch him run across my lawn and hear him holler to his dad that he can now tie his own shoes. He's thrilled and I'm grateful for a good neighbor that watches over me!

"Now that I've done something important today, I can go back to my work." I think to myself. And, I marvel that sometimes it's the smallest of things that bring the most satisfaction and build the strongest of relationships. So, I make a commitment to myself to seize these perfect conditions whenever they appear in front of me so I won't miss the best moments life offers me and you.

What Handicap!

"I don't know what I would do without him"

• Ronda Landes
  

What Handicap!

I've known Ronda for a few years now, but as of late I've found that I really haven't known her at all. It was a long time before I knew she had a little boy with autism and that she is a single mother. When I found out, my esteem for her catapulted to a whole new level; knowing just a small amount about what challenges she has outside of work caused me to see her in a different light.

Then one day I could see a difference in her face. I knew something was wrong. I asked.

She told me that her son had been having some problems. And over time, Ronda revealed some of those problems bit by bit. I could see her building anxiety but really had no idea of what she was dealing with until weeks and weeks had passed. Finally, I saw an opportunity to learn more.

We were able to spend some time on the telephone long after work hours last week. I asked her how things were going and she said, "My son is coming home! They were going to institutionalize him. I told them no. I don't know what I would do without him." I was captivated and listened to more of her story.

She was getting her son back because she continued to push for answers. She wouldn't give up. I remember thinking, "Here's a woman who's striving to find answers from a son who can't communicate with her, or anyone else, with typical language and she's been triumphant!"

Her son had inexplicably become violent and they didn't know why. At her insistence the medical establishment finally found that he had severe sinus infections as well as acid reflux disease. Now that they're treating him properly he has become calm again. (I've had sinus infections in the past and I can tell you that if I had to deal with one continuously I'd be a much different person as well!) The lad was in incomprehensible pain and had no way to communicate it!

In the end, it was a mother's love that made the difference after months of struggle. Most people see handicapped children as a burden. Ronda see's her son as the love of her life. She's created a life with a deeper appreciation and love than the vast majority of humans will ever know. Her communication with her son is clearer than most due to her deep, never-ending desire.

Ronda's amazing desire and commitment to love and family has increased my own desire to be a better person, husband and father. What would we do without people such as Ronda and her son to show us the way to a better love, family and life?