David's Speech

“It’s not like you get up every day and put a flak jacket and helmet on, as if you’re needing to go into battle.”  - David Jardine

 

David’s Speech

 

“When people come to me.”  David stopped briefly and then continued.  “They have almost always been hurt.  Most often, they feel as if they’ve been attacked.”

 

David Jardine is my friend and an attorney by trade.  So, when he talks about the pain he’s seen in others, he knows of what he speaks.

 

“One of the first things people often say to me is, ‘I should have been more prepared.  I should have seen it coming!’  That’s when I give them my speech about living happily in the face of what is often the most painful experience of their lives.”

 

I was enthusiastically listening before, but I really perked up to hear what was about to float from his mouth next.  After all, I know very few people who haven’t gone through some type of difficulty; such as a divorce, the loss of a child, a dishonest business partner, or continuous problems with a testing, selfish, obstinate neighbor.  Perhaps that’s why I sat a little forward in my seat and opened my ears so wide perhaps a 747 Dreamliner would be able to fly right on through my head.

 

“It’s not like you get up every day and put a flak jacket and helmet on, as if you’re needing to go into battle.” David continued.  “At least I hope you don’t!  I’d rather live my life believing that most people are good and will do the right thing.  That way I can live happily, looking for and experiencing the good in others!  Yes.  There will likely be a time when someone hurts you, but those times will be the exception, as long as you’re spending your time actively looking for good in those around you.”

 

David sat back in his chair and sort of stared off into space.  At least it appeared to be a contemplative, mental slip right into his own private, thinking space.  Then, he lifted his arms and stretched them up over his head, so he could interlace his fingers, while resting them gently behind his head.  It was a classic signal from someone who has nothing to hide and everything to give.

 

“Most people think I fight for a living.  Maybe they’re right.  But, I don’t see it that way.  I see myself as looking for the best solution.  Working to find what’s best for my client.  And, that usually creates the best possible outcome for all of the parties involved!”

 

His hands disengaged from their interdigitation. Then his arms seemed to glide through the air in a smooth, calm fashion as his chair moved his whole body back in to a perfect, upright position.  A smile spread across his face.  It was an affable look; not the look of someone who fought for a living.

 

My face and gaze had been firmly fixed toward the front.  You can tell a lot about a person and what they’re saying, just by looking at their face, watching their gestures, and feeling the energy radiating from them.  As I saw David’s comfortable and genial manner, I could feel the day’s strain melting away.  After all, when I came to our meeting my opening words were, as he predicted, “I should have been more prepared.  I should have seen it coming!”  And, perhaps I should have.

 

Yet, there was David, a good man, sitting in front of me, giving me good advice as a friend.  His guidance, “David’s Speech,” opened the way for me to, once again, move forward, looking for the best possible solution while anticipating good, now and in the future.

 

You and I can live happily, even in the face of what may be one of the most painful experiences of our lives.

Remembering the Right Mix

“I learned that anyone could die quickly, without notice, for no reason.” - Phil Weed

 

Remembering the Right Mix

 

“I could only remember what had happened for the past three months!  I could only remember the people I had come into contact with over the previous three months!” Phil said, as we were sitting in Ditta Caffee.  I suspect that upon seeing us there, some thought we were simply there to eat their delicious, hand-made, fresh bagels and enjoy the hot & cold beverages of our choice in good company.  And, we were!  After all, they have the best bagels I’ve eaten outside of my old local, Leo’s, in downtown Manhattan.  And, that’s saying something about how good those bagels are!

 

Ditta Caffee is also a good, no, a great place to socialize with friends and cross pollinate with potential new friends.  That’s why Phil Weed and I were there.  It seems that friendships become something more substantial when a little breaking of bread takes place with another person.  Maybe that’s because it connects us through a taproot of commonality.  Everyone needs to eat!  So, why not do it together?  Food and people are a great combination of ingredients and I was hoping to discover Phil’s unique blend of staple of ingredients.

 

My friend Phil seems to have his own proprietary mixture of great living ingredients and I was anxiously awaiting for him to share his source.  And, I was in luck!

 

“I was in a skiing accident.”  He shared.  “I could not have imagined what it would be like to lose everything!  I don’t mean only the physical things.  I mean everything; the relationships, memories, a direction in and meaning for life!”

 

To say the least, this experience changed Phil right down to his fundamental foundation.  And, it gave him the chance to develop a strong moral compass in a way he never imagined.  This experience is why he began to focus on building lasting personal relationships with a healthy dose of compassion.  When he had fully recovered I’m sure he thought he was finished with that kind of life shaking growth.  But, it wasn’t to be!

 

A few years later, Phil and his wife lost one of their children in a sudden and unexpected way.  “It was such a dramatic experience that I quickly got to the point of not feeling as if I had anything else to give to anyone.  I learned that anyone could die quickly, without notice, for no reason!”

 

Looking at Phil across the table, through an outsider’s lens, as he recounted this experience, it was revealing to see how it guided him toward an intimate understanding of, as well as to embrace the reality of how fragile life is.  And, embrace it he has!  The first question I hear him ask others is, “What is it you need?  How can I help you?”  Then, he, in his own gentle way invites people into his circle so they can feel his tender embrace.

 

I know!  I have felt his embrace, even though he didn’t really know me when he reached out. He did so just so he could connect, support and heal.  He lives this special brand of compassion with others regularly, even if he has never met them and in many cases never will.  I’m sure he has forgotten countless good deeds of his employ, simply because he never tires of looking for and performing more acts of kindness.

 

“I could only remember what had happened for the past three months!  I could only remember the people I had come into contact with over the previous three months!” Phil said, as we were communing in Ditta Caffee.  I suspect that upon seeing us there, some thought we were simply there to eat their delicious, hand-made, fresh bagels and enjoy the hot & cold beverages of our choice in good company.  And, we were!  After all, they have the best bagels I’ve eaten outside of my old local, Leo’s, in downtown Manhattan.  And, that’s saying something about how good those bagels are!  And, I learned more about another kind of amnesia he has overcome.

 

Phil never loses sight of his core, unique ingredients for living an exceptional life.  Build strong, lasting relationships, always be compassionate, remember how fragile life is, and never tire of doing good to all people, all of the time.

Turn Your Lights on!

“Still no power as of early this am.”  - Richard Reaback

 

Turn Your Lights on!

 

My computer screen displayed a new electronic message from my friend Richard Reaback early this morning.  “Still no power as of early this am.” Richard.

 

I sat back in my chair, pondering.  “No power!”

 

There have been numerous events over the past few months that have made many of us feel as if we have no power and little hope.  In Richard’s case, He, his business, his town, in Connecticut, have literally been without power for the past few days, since they were battered by yet another hurricane-like tropical storm.  The storm flooded homes, businesses and did an amazing amount of wind damage.  And, this is only the latest event in a seemingly endless string of occurrences have ongoingly diminished our collective hope, belief and faith in our present and future.

 

“No power!”  I said again, to myself, as the electricity in my home flickered and then went out, just moments ago, while writing this, sitting at my desk, not long after reading Richard’s note.

 

Yes.  We have felt ostensibly powerless over the past few months as we’ve grappled with a pandemic, earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, drought, and riots.

 

Really! 

 

Then I chuckled as I recalled the note I received from my friend Jack Banks not three days ago.

 

“Still going straight to work and straight home. Been doing it for a few months now. Pretty boring life!” Jack reported as he checked in with me. Jack and his wife Somi, who live in South Korea, have, like the rest of us, had their lives turned upside down as a result of occurrences, out of their power to change.  My response to Jack?

 

“Boring seems good these days!”

 

It seems as if peace, hope and joy have abandoned us.  Yet, we are not powerless!  Perhaps the clicking sound of the electricity coming back on, combined with the start-up whirl of the ceiling fan in my home office, were the perfect catalyst to initiate a new-found appreciation of and belief in the power of the simple, dynamic and enduring ideals of Christmas.

 

I should have recognized it sooner!  As my friend Ralph Huddlestone continually drives this point home. Literally!  His automobile license plate reads, “Christmas.”

 

Like Ralph and the restored light from the LED lamp on my desk, when the power came back on today, we have an opportunity to radiate these ideals to all.  And, there is no better time to start than now.  Why wait for the traditional holiday season?

 

So, starting this very day, I’m turning the Christmas lights on at my home, and they’ll stay on as a beacon, broadcasting the ideals of peace, hope, belief, faith and love to all.  I invite you to join me in bringing these simple and dynamic ideals to light during our time of dimmed hope.

 

These ideals have the power to change all of us.  Every one!

 

Turn your Christmas Lights on tonight!

Beyond a Rope

“Maybe that’s why I’m still really tied to this place.” – John Wright

 

Beyond a Rope

 

“I was here when my Dad built every part of this house.”  John said to me as we stood in front of his childhood home.  “My dad would tie a rope around my waist and then to the chimney, so I could be on the roof with him as he installed the shingles!  Maybe that’s why I’m still really tied to this place!” 

 

John Wright’s parents have passed on now and John doesn’t live in the same city as his family home.  One would never know it!

 

The first thing I noticed, before we even entered the home, was the perfectly manicured front yard.  John lovingly keeps the grass trimmed and the flower beds filled with flowers.  There wasn’t one weed within sight of my eyes! 

 

The exterior of the home has the same similar, look of love.  It has fresh, bright, white paint on the outer walls, trimmed with an understated green.  It’s a nice contrast to the sleek, varied brown asphalt shingles that top its warm, inviting appearance.  It was all woven together to welcome us inside.

 

We entered the home through the conservatory, at the building’s rear.  Once inside, we stopped to admire the view of the pared yard and its expansive garden beyond the grass.  My eyes devoured the landscape right up to the Oquirrh Mountains to the east.

 

“I installed new up-down blinds, so we could enjoy the views and still have privacy.”  John said was we left the conservatory and sauntered into the kitchen and living area.  His eyes sparkled as we walked and talked.

 

John’s words filled the rooms with more than just sound.  It was as if the people and events he described materialized before my eyes.  Not as frightening ghosts from the past, but as fragments of love woven carefully, piece by piece over many years.

 

At the end of our time in John’s place, I was able to see the individual strands of those love-woven-pieces in his face and eyes.

 

“I was here when my Dad built this house.”  John said to me as we stood in front of the home of his youth.  “My dad would tie a rope around my waist and then to the chimney so I could be on the roof with him as he installed the shingles!  Maybe that’s why I’m still really tied to this place!”

 

No, John’s waist isn’t still figuratively attached to a rope, on the roof, to that chimney, connecting him to this home, this place.  Love-woven-pieces of enduring personal relationship have connected him, nourishing his heart forever.

 

Such ties of love go well beyond the strength of any rope!  What pieces are you weaving?