“It is what the tree overcame that created its ultimate beauty.” - Hector Dominguez

Hardwood

We stood at the top of her driveway.  At the end, by the street.  That way we could talk away from her house.  Because, for the moment, that’s where her pain was residing.

“Thank you for coming,” She said.  “I’m glad Mr. Gibby introduced you to me.”

“Me too.”  I responded.

“He has really helped me a lot!”  She continued.

“And, he probably didn’t charge you.”  I added.

That’s when Denise Stickle’s eyes began to fill with glistening tears.

“He has helped me so much!  He is amazing!”

Then, she went on to tell me what her plans were.  The plans she didn’t want anyone else to know, outside of her partner Bob, and now me.  Those were the plans that Darrell Gibby had helped her to formulate.  The plans that would allow her to grow around the pain and push her to new heights.  Her character was growing.

It’s always difficult for a person to see their own growth.  It is especially hard to see how the challenges they’re traversing are adding a new, unique beauty that will be a part of them.  A beauty that wouldn’t ever exist had they not encountered their personal struggles.  But, I could see this phenomenon working in Denise’s life as we stood under the boughs of the trees that surrounded and added beauty to her home and property.  The entire scene reminded me of what Hector Dominguez had said earlier in the day, while discussing the particulars of a new dining table he’s preparing to build for me. 

“What I like about the ‘rounds’ is that they display the challenges the tree went through in its life.  They show how the tree grew around those challenges.  It’s what gives the wood its character and strength.”  Hector explained.  “It is what the tree overcame that created its ultimate beauty.”

Then he went into more detail, teaching me about how the very fibers making up the tree trunk lay in specific directions to give the tree more density so it becomes stronger as it becomes wider.  Trees have to do that so they can reach new heights as they stretch to grow higher.  It’s analogous to what Denise is experiencing right now.

Denise’s face was a little damp because her tears had now pushed themselves gently along.  Yet, she stood a little higher because of the support she was receiving while stretching to new personal heights.  I also noticed a little something else about her as I peered past those tear-filled eyes.  A sense of relief radiated around the knots and twists that had added beautiful character to her core.  I could see the fiber of her new-found strength as we stood there saying our goodbyes, at the top of her driveway.

I said farewell and got into my car and began to drive away.

“Hardwood!”  I said, with no one else there to hear. “Denise is becoming more beautiful as a person because of her challenges.”

I looked in my rearview mirror.  Denise was still standing, waving goodbye; established firmly with the other hardwoods gracing her property.

“It is all I ever wanted from my mother’s estate.”

Edelweiss

The house was filled with seemingly almost everything in the world.  I say everything, because it held African Hunting Trophies, Anastasi Statuettes and a host of other collectables.  They are things collected over a lifetime and some of them are quite valuable.  Other, particular things, there are precious!

Value is in the eye of the beholder.  And, while eating Mexican food, I was about to receive a heartfelt reminiscence, a teacher of value.  A primer about value I’ll never forget.  That lesson started with an innocuous introduction. 

“I don’t really remember much of my childhood in detail.”  My friend said, before sharing a more enticing follow up.  “But, I specifically remember the time I lived with my family in Geneva as a child.”

He went on to tell me about the large market area of Geneva where he and his brother used to go exploring after school, the “International School,” and on weekends.  They went there because of the market’s interesting things to see and experience.  It also gave them a chance to spend more time with their remarkable classmates in a more casual setting.

And, my friend was right!  He could describe the market’s setting in amazing detail.  So much so that I was immediately immersed in an auditory tour that soon seemed to be projected into my head as if the entire memory was being displayed as a full-scope film documentary in my head.

“I remember the day when an old man walked up to me and handed me a small flower as a gift.”  My buddy said with a time-traveler gaze in his eyes.

He was there in Geneva, in that time, at that moment again.  I could tell.  His presence had faded on the edges like a worn parchment.  Yet, he continued verbally painting the image onto my mind.

“The man I didn’t know handed me a single flower while saying, ‘Take this home and give it to your mother.’”

The boy version of my friend did take the flower home where he presented it to his mother.  She was delighted as she accepted his single stem of Edelweiss and lovingly walked over to the bookcase behind her to carefully press the flower within the pages of a carefully selected book.  He knew then that she wanted to preserve the flower as a way of preserving his love for a lifetime.

“As my mom became worn with age I told her that there was only one thing I wanted from her estate.  It was our treasured Edelweiss!”

As his mother lay in a care facility not long ago he went into her home and searched the entire house looking for the flower representing their love.  And, when he couldn’t find it he reported his despair back to her.  But, she didn’t easily give up!

“There are some boxes there that haven’t been opened from our last move.”  She said to comfort him.  “Maybe it’s in one of those boxes.

Then, a few weeks later during another visit to his mother, she happily presented him with the book that still held their treasure safe.  She beamed as she handed it to him.  And, he recognized the book of antiquity instantly.

So, he began to gently fan through the pages of the book carefully searching for the entombed Edelweiss.  He felt the breath of the pages as they floated by.  Finally, his eyes feasted on the still pressed flower!

“It’s all I ever wanted!”  He said breathlessly. Relieved at last.  

Now that his mother is gone, this particular Edelweiss will keep his mother with him always. Both will live on within his memory, right along with once lived in days in Geneva’s magical market.

You and I get to decide what is magical in our lives; what is of personal value.  Choose love, from the heart, as your magic and your treasure.

Predict Your Future

“The best way to predict your future is to create it.” – Abraham Lincoln

Predicting Your Future

“Happy Birthday!” I said with enthusiasm.  “What are you going to do today to celebrate?”

“I don’t really celebrate my birthdays.”  My friend replied in his habitual manner.  I don’t like to celebrate birthdays or holidays such as Christmas.

“Why is that?” I replied hoping to understand him more.

“I have too many bad memories!”

“What are some of your bad memories of Christmas?”

He couldn’t think of one single bad memory!

“I guess every Christmas has been stressful for me!”  He finally said with uncertainty.

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

Abraham Lincoln’s words shot to my rescue. “The best way to predict your future is to create it.”

This friend is not the only one fixed on “Past Living.”  Our conversation allowed me to see that I am also guilty of losing my life to something that can’t be repaired.  The past can’t come back to mangle any of us. Unless!  We allow ourselves to reside there as a choice.

If Past Living is your and my choice, then we will certainly re-live potentially hurtful events over and over again.  They can consume and overtake one’s life completely if allowed to do so!  Yet, they don’t need to!

Here are some ideas I’ve considered to break out of such a cycle. And, I shared them with my friend over the phone as we continued our conversation.  Perhaps they can help you and me as we incorporate them and strive to predict and create our own, desired, futures.

First.  Follow the “This is the way” principle.  Choose to live and walk with it.  When you turn to the right, and when you turn to the left.  Your internal voice will say to you, “This is the way, walk that way.”  We all have an internal compass, an inner voice, so to speak.  Listen to it.  It will take some practice, but it is there, inside of you.  Find it.

Second.  Take time to really celebrate!  I really look forward to my birthdays, because I have created a personal tradition to do so.  My father-in-law, Howard Brown, once said to me in curiosity, “You celebrate your birthday for the entire month?”  As we sat on his back patio having a small family festivity.  My answer was a resounding yes!

I was in graduate school at the time and working as a cashier at Hires Big H.  Our regular and cherished customers joined with me night after night, in the restaurant, to celebrate my birthday month, as I worked, and treasured their company!  It made my birthday month and my time at Hires memorable, like a tattoo of joy on my heart and mind.

Third. Create personal traditions.  Map and thread them into your calendar, in advance, so you have special things to look forward to.  These events can be very simple or grand.  It is up to you.  Just make sure these habits are truly fulfilling.  They will create a path to happiness if you will make it a practice.

Finally. Make it a practice to notice small things on a daily basis.  Make a mental note of magnificence and savor each moment.  See a beautiful bird?  Really see it.  Do you see a flowering tree?  Stop and breathe it in.  My daughter Kilee called me this morning with a perfect example of this.

“We’re on our way home from your neighborhood Easter Egg hunt and I just received a notice of someone at my front door.  She touched our ‘Ring’ and since I didn’t know who she was, I didn’t answer.  But, I stayed on the video and watched as she drew her phone out of a pocket and took carefully framed photos of the beautiful blooming tulips in my front yard!”

What a wonderful ability to savor and record beauty!  This unknown seeker of magnificence has mastered the skill of noticing and savoring the beauty she sees.

We can all do the same.  You and I can own a tailored-made future by incorporating one or all of these personal, future creating steps.  Then we can watch our futures unfold with bright, confident hope.

The best way to predict your future is to create it!

“I don’t agree with his lifestyle, but he is my son and I love him!” – Rebecca Kendall

Where Peace Starts

“I don’t agree with his lifestyle, but he is my son and I love him!” Rebecca Kendall said while eating lunch with her husband Chris and me.

Her words held certain conviction and something else.  It was that indescribable something that was nibbling at my sensitivities.  I was not able to recognize that little something right off.  So, I spent the next hour searching her eyes to see if they would lead me to the earnestly sought-after answer.  And, try as I may, I couldn’t quite identify it at the time.  That seeking feeling didn’t leave me when we parted and went our separate ways.

Nor did it leave me over the next month or two.  The feeling kept nagging at me like a termite eating at the structure of my bones.  It wasn’t at the surface, but I could feel it there, down deep.  It continued to be below my skin until the next time we all had lunch together, just this week.

I sat directly across from Chris and Rebecca and next to their son Adam while we talked at length.

“What do you think son?”  Rebecca said, while keeping her eyes held fast to him, like those little rivets holding the pockets in place on Levi’s brand jeans.  Her intent was unmovable.  And, there was something else present there as well, causing those termites, still gnawing at my bones, to begin to fall away.

I knew then that there was nothing able to break the bond of love between the two.  Part of that displayed unconditional love included a twist.  An ingredient that took their connection to another level; a secret ingredient; like a glass of water with a satisfying twist of lemon.

Rebecca was fully at peace within.  There was no rancor present at all.  Disagreement still?  Yes. Resentment related to her son’s life choices?  No.  She has allowed a transformational peace to wholly change her.  It has also altered her relationship with her son forever.

“I love you son.” Flashed across the screen of my phone when I got in my car to leave.  It was from Rebecca.

“I love you too.”  I touched back. “But I’m pretty sure this was meant for Adam.”

It was, of course, meant for Adam.  It was also meant for me because it was an exclamation point to run off the last, lingering wonder I might have been hosting.  I felt the last termite or two exit my frame.  And, as they were leaving they made a remarkable declaration.

“Peace comes from the inside.”  

Peace is an essential, yet often unrecognized, component of human love.  When welcomed into one’s heart, it is truly transformational!  And, it changes more than one heart.  It has the ability to reach and change many hearts.

It is where peace starts.