Self Determination

“After my husband left I found out it was me making the mess in our house.”

Sheryl Hornock

Self Determination

My friend Sheryl’s husband was just activated by the military and is now serving overseas.  He is a good husband, father, and pastor of one of our local churches.  I really don’t know him, but I know about him because of my association with Sheryl.  I know Sheryl fairly well because she and I work in the same business and share the same business coach and our coaching sessions have  given me an opportunity to learn a great deal from Sheryl.

During one of our recent interactions, Sheryl made the comment, “After my husband left I found out it was me making the mess in our house.”

This simple statement really made an impact on me.  No! It wasn’t that I discovered that Sheryl is messy.  I know she isn’t messy.  In fact, she is one of the most well organized people I know.  Its impact was more far reaching than that.  It demonstrated individual responsibility and the empowerment that it brings.

I have found in my own life that if I spend my time looking for someone else to take accountability for my world that it leads to blame and unhappiness.  But, when I exercise the God given power of self determination then I am filled with happiness and peace.  Isn’t that what you and I want?

Is it possible for us to decide the important questions in our lives through reflection and choice or are we forever destined to have our futures depend on accident or force?  It’s a simple question to answer, but it must be answered a hundred times each day.  Here are three things that I’ve found to be helpful to rise to such occasions:

First, when things don’t seem to be going all that well and I’m feeling frustrated with my life in general I ask myself the question, “What am I trying to avoid?”  I have to ask that question to myself a lot!  The thing is, the longer I wait to ask myself this question, the more time my brain has to “create a mountain out of a mole hill.”  I’m practicing asking that question sooner and more often every day.

Second, when I am avoiding something, after I’ve let it grow to the size of the Himalayas, I force myself to put it at the top of my list of “to-dos” so I can put it behind me as soon as possible.  As I’ve been doing this I’ve learned an important thing.  My worries are always much larger than the real thing!  So, I’m becoming more confident in this process each time I follow it.

Third, when I find myself in “blame mode” (the mode of blaming the government, my wife, my kids, the weather, etc.)  I’ve started asking myself, “What can I do to move forward?”  This has caused me to look at options that my “closed mind” never sought out!  It’s been a wonderful revelation and I’ve done things I never dreamed were possible!

What is possible for you?  Begin to practice using these steps today and see if the impossible begins to happen in your life.  If you will, I think you’ll be able to join Sheryl and me in saying, “I found out it was me making the mess in my house!”

Goodness and Entrepreneurship

“I feel like a grain of sand on the beach”

Jeff Geer

Goodness and Entrepreneurship

“I don’t think anyone ever listens to me.” My Friend Jeff said as we stood in the hallway talking.

“I don’t know what to do to get my message out.” He continued.

I could see the pain in his eyes.  He had been telling me of his experience in California during the past three years.  He had arrived in the early part of the “Great Recession” and began to do his work.  It was nothing like he expected.

He didn’t expect to see tent cities in the middle of Sacramento, the state’s capitol city.  He never thought he would see highly educated people working to get the food they needed for their families by bartering.  He knew that foreclosures were increasing there.  That’s why the lenders had hired him to go.  But, that didn’t prepare him for that which he saw.

I saw a man who was changed standing in front of me.  As he spoke I could see something a kin to a reversible garment.  I still saw the seemingly weather-proof side presented before me.  Yet, while he talked I watched the zipper of his soul descend down to reveal the soft interior garment with all of its gentle, caressing goodness.

Jeff is a good man.  He’s been telling me of the hunger he witnessed now for quite some time.  We talk quite often so I know that he has felt his experience much more than mere words.  He’s been out taking action so he can make a difference.  Nobody asked him to.  He just does it.

His doing is in its second year.  He has taken his entire yard and has turned it into a little “farm.”  He grows all kinds of food there.  If you are lucky enough to spend some time talking with him about his garden you’ll see the passion in his eyes.

“I’m growing all kinds of peppers and lots of potatoes.”  He tells me excitedly.

He does it because he doesn’t want anyone to go hungry.  He grows more than he needs, right in the middle of the city, and then he goes out and shares the extra food with others who need it.

“Can you see what would happen if everyone would turn their yard into a little farm?” He teaches me.  “We would be able to make sure every person living here would have more than enough food!  I don’t know why my message isn’t getting out!  I feel like a grain of sand on the beach!”

I listen to him intently.  I know he’s more than a grain of sand on the beach.  He’s making a huge difference.  Just ask the bellies of those he feeds; you’d have to ask because those stomachs aren’t groaning their pain any more.

Yes.  Jeff’s message is getting out and I hope you’ll help pass it along.  We all have the ability to make a difference in the lives of those around us.  It just takes a little imagination and some dirt under the fingernails.

No Matter the Odds

“It says right here that you shouldn’t bully people!”

-          Jake White

No Matter the Odds

The playground is crowded with children of all ages.  There are parents there; standing as stick-like sentinels on the edge of the play area with their faces pointed directly to the heart of the scene.  A tall slippery slide towers in the center like a sundial draped with giggling girls and boys.  They run around chasing each other.  They climb up and swoosh toward the earth with certain glee.

My friend Jake is there having fun.  He is a small boy of about eight years.  His fudge colored hair floats across his face as he runs and climbs.  He is of a serious nature but is still a fun-loving child.  I am amazed at how his thin build and agility allow him to seemingly float to the top of the slide and back to the ground without effort.  Then everything stopped!

Some older kids gathered at the bottom of the slide.  They taunted and teased.  The play ended.  The stick-like sentinels became statues.  It was as if all movement came to a standstill. 

Then, Jake broke away from the scene and began to walk to the family car.  Everyone gazed at him as he opened its door and grabbed something off the seat.  There was some paper clutched in his hand as he sauntered back to the slide.  He had a determined face and confidence in his walk.  He had to be confident.  He was headed to confront the bullies that had ended the fun.

He walked right up to the intimidators and showed them the paper in his hand.  It was a magazine he gets it from his church.  He pointed to a specific article and said, “It says you shouldn’t be a bully right here.”   

The adults seemed to turn into Large Mouth Bass as they watched and listened, and to everyone’s surprise the play began in a moment or two. 

Jake put his magazine in the hands of his father.  He turned with a smile and ran back to climb the ladder once again.  I watched him climb and swoosh down while thinking, “This isn’t the only ladder of success I’ll watch Jake climb.”

He was successful in at least one other way.  I was encouraged to take a stand for good and the defense of others, no matter what the odds.

A Return From Certain Death

“I showed up at my daughter’s door and asked if I could stay.”

Janet Kirk

A Return from Certain Death

I was standing at a kitchen counter with my friend Janet Kirk just finishing up some documents.  She was talking with me, her eyes sparkling.  I had been there the day before too.  That’s when I had the chance to see her brother Tom again.  These two sequential meetings caused me to remember and stand in amazement.

I met Tom about one year ago.  He and his brother came to my office to ask for my help for their sister.  Our first meeting went well so they brought their sister in to meet me.  She was worn and feeble.   The two brothers had to help her with every step.  She couldn’t stand on her own.

Now she was standing on her own.  Her face is bright.  She is painting beautiful pictures again.

We left the kitchen. Janet took me to her painting studio to show me some of the work she was doing.  I couldn’t believe how beautiful it was!  I couldn’t believe how beautiful she was.  She had traveled from death’s door to living abundantly within one short year!  Now she is a vibrant woman in her eighties.

Her vibrancy is a direct result of her daughter.  Janet told me how she escaped a life that was killing her by calling her brother to come and pick her up so she could remove herself from an abusive situation.  Once removed, she literally showed up at her daughter’s front door, rang the doorbell, and said, “Can I stay with you for a while?”

Her daughter could hardly recognize her and was in such shock at Janet’s condition that she could hardly speak.  She was having health problems of her own and didn’t know how she could care for her aged, ailing mother, but immediately responded with a resounding yes!

So, the two of them have been infusing life into each other for these many months.  They share the same sparkling eyes as they laugh.  They have a similar spunk!  The two of them have beaten back death so they could take care of each other.  They are standing tall and walking forward.

It’s time for me to go so I start walking toward Janet’s front door. 

“Stop!” She says.  So I stop!

“I want to show you how I walk down the stairs now!”

Janet steps down with one leg and then keeps going, one foot per tread, to the bottom.

“I’m getting better,” she chortled. “I still work to keep my balance, but I couldn’t do it a few months ago.  Remember?”

“I remember!” I replied.

I remember.  I thought to myself.  I’ll always remember that one woman took in another at a time when she didn’t have the health or the strength to do so.  I’ll remember that people can accomplish amazing things when motivated by love.  They can even return from certain death.

You Have it Within You

“Common sense has a calming effect.”

Dave Ramsey

You Have it Within You

My phone was ringing and as I looked at the caller I.D. I saw a familiar number flash across the screen.  It was one of my Clients.  We were in the middle of negotiating the sale of her home and I knew she had the counter offer that I had emailed to her, but I didn’t expect to hear the words that came into my ears.

“She told my husband that we couldn’t accept any offer until we were finished working with her.”  She ended with, after a lengthy explanation of their involvement with a mortgage modification company.

I felt hot inside.  It was the kind of feeling I get when I see something amiss; where I see someone trying to take advantage of someone else!  I took deep long breaths.  It took me three or four such breaths before I could speak evenly.

“What she’s telling you isn’t correct.” I said.

“That’s what I thought!  It’s one of those things that when it sounds too good to be true, it is!” She confidently responded.

I could hear the strength of her voice as she spoke now.  She was no longer speaking in hurried, breathless tones.  She was the intelligent, confident woman I had known for quite some time.  I felt reassured in my faith.

This conversation caused a flood of other memories to rush into my mind.  It was as if a dam had been breached and the water couldn’t be stopped.  You know what I mean; one moment the memories weren’t there and then all of a sudden there are hundreds of them all at once.  I’ve never been able to understand how there can be so many at once; while each one is still individually perceptible!  And, the wonderful thing is that each ended in the same way.  Common sense ruled in the end.  Before the end though, there was always a lot of confusion and its associated upset.

It happens to all of us at one time or another and even the most emotionally stable will have cause to ask, “Do I have enough common sense to sort through this?”

The answer is most assuredly YES!  You have it all within you!  But, if you ever need a little help just give it the “Two-Plus-Two-Test.”  One of my friends taught me this to me and it has never failed.

When you’re presented with information about a certain subject and you are a little overwhelmed with all of the data and its logical conclusion simply review the “math” in your head.  Ask yourself, “If I add one plus one do I get two as the conclusion?  If I then add two plus two do I get four as the conclusion?

I know you can do this math!  It just takes a short minute and it allows your built-in common sense to take what was once confusing and give you a feeling of warming calm inside.  So, give it a try; common sense really does have a calming effect!

Believe in Your Journey

“To bring the most out of any design you must try to view it from the other person’s perspective.”

Chrisanne Olsen

Believe in Your Journey

My friend Chrisanne Olsen owns the world’s best furniture store.  It is “C.G. Sparks, furniture with soul.”  I have come across some of my greatest discoveries within this remarkable place.  Yes.  Those discoveries include beautiful antique, handmade, hardwood furniture from the other side of Earth.  But, I’ve found more than that.  I have found partners with which to observe design, life and relationships.

When I stopped in to refresh my imagination this week I found myself, as usual, in a conversation with Chrisanne about a particularly striking piece my daughter has had her eye on for quite some time.  But, as the conversation progressed it was clear that the exchange wasn’t really about that at all.  It was really about the design of life and our relationship with others and the things around us. 

“The maker of that piece was a gentleman from France.  He studied art and developed a remarkable eye.  Then he went to India and built a furniture manufacturing business.  He turned out beautiful pieces by combining his talent with the local materials and craftsmanship.  Unfortunately the other domestic furniture makers were jealous of his work and they got him deported.  So, I can’t get the piece your daughter likes anymore.”  She said.

“What a shame!” I thought to myself.

Here is a man who embraced and lived in another culture because he could feel and see its beauty.  He brought his own unique and exceptional talents to combine them with those of another place and people so he could create a new, life enhancing design aesthetic for our world.  Now it’s no longer available.

“To bring the most out of any design you must try to view it from the other person’s perspective.” Chrisanne once said to me.

As I walked with her down the aisles of unique, art driven furniture I began to see past the furniture to the creators behind it.  Doing so has added another dimension to my view.  It has allowed me to find additional meaning and emotion in everything around me.

I’m changing from a single-viewer-life to that of a designer.  I want to combine my own artistic ability with that of those around me.  If I can view the world through the eyes of others and combine it with my personal character and talent then I’ll deepen my experience.  I’ll become more than I otherwise would.

You can live this same designer life by following the advice of Chrisanne as well.  Constantly look at your surroundings, our world and your own backyard.  Be a believer in your journey.  Know that your character and talent is combined with others to add beauty, variety and distinction to our world.  We’re all better because you are here!