The Arena of Success

"The rewarding thing for me is to see how the girls I've worked with have grown into such fantastic people."

• Mary Wright
  

The Arena of Success

I was standing at the side of a huge blue square when I saw Mary off to the side. As our eyes met I watched her mouth stretch to the left and the right as it turned into a sunshine smile. She and I walked toward each other and embraced our friendship. We've know each other for many years in this same environment.

Mary was there in her role as the floor coach for University of Utah Gymnastics and she's been a fixture in my life as long as I can remember. She coached two of my daughters through tears and successes. She held them when they cried and when they were triumphant. She embraced them when they were healthy and when they were hurting. She holds a special place in my heart for what she's done for my daughters.

The interesting thing is that what I love her most for has nothing to do with gymnastics. "It's the discipline and the hard work that prepares them for life." She says. "I love it when my girls call or email me to let catch me up on what they're doing."

I look at my own daughters and know she's right. In their early years they learned that if they wanted to do gymnastics they had to have good grades and citizenship. And, because of their love for the sport they learned to do their homework in the car while we drove in to and from the gym. They trained hard six days of the week for hours and hours and developed lifelong friendships along with their amazing work and scholarship skills. It has all combined to make them remarkable women. Through it all, I've learned just as many lessons from Mary as have my daughters.

As Mary and I stood on the edge of the gymnastics floor just before a meet between University of Utah and Stanford, I paused and let the lessons rush into my heart.

First, it's important to love what you're doing with your life. If you're not willing to put everything else in your life into second position and do whatever it takes to become the best-you-can-be while doing it then perhaps you haven't found your passion.

Second, even though you live as an individual, working with other same-minded people will deepen your experience as well as your ability to succeed. Team members will be able to lift you when you're feeling low and give you strength and courage to carry on when you think you can't.

Finally, while we all need to make money, we should all learn the most valuable lesson Mary has taught me: Make sure you are really doing whatever you do for the relationships. As I stood there, by the side of the competition floor with Mary, I looked up into the thousands of arena seats and knew that if success in life is to be judged by the number of lives touched, then every seat in that arena could be occupied by girls touched by Mary. Her life is a sold our arena.

Unimaginable Value

"I had it all, so much so that not many people could ever understand how great it was!"

• Terry Gurule
  

Unimaginable Value

I sat in Terry's kitchen talking with him about his situation. I could tell he was dealing with much more than he was comfortable with. Perhaps the most difficult thing for him was his belief that others were depending on him and his ability to continue to care for them. "I don't want to have to tell my brother and his family that they need to leave their home." He said in a pleading voice.

Terry owns more than one home and his brother, along with his family, is living in one of them. Terry lives in the other one; the one we were sitting in. Unfortunately, he owes more money on both of them than they are worth in today's struggling real estate market. And, his business has collapsed. Now he is participating in a "forced-learning life situation."

I say forced-learning because he didn't willingly put himself in a situation like this. He's being forced to discover things about himself, and the world, that he never thought he'd have to face. It's a process most of us have to go through at one point or another in our lives. It's uncomfortable and difficult.

I know a little about this process because I've had to cope with it on several occasions. And, as a result, I know that I'd never willingly face this challenge. So, I suspect that you'd never willingly face this challenge either! But there is one aspect that I have learned to embrace.

I've learned that there are valuable lessons available to learn for those who would become willing students of life. Just because you're being forced to learn doesn't mean you can't hold close to the lessons being offered. If you will embrace such lessons you'll find you can move through the challenges presented more quickly and with considerably less pain.

I have observed that those who take the different route of fighting the lessons generally take a much longer time to move through their schooling. In fact, there are some that never graduate from the school but languish in self pity and pain for the remainder of their so-called-life. I don't want you to live like that so here are some steps I've found to be helpful when you find yourself in a forced-learning life situation. It's the same advice I offered to Terry two nights ago:

Surround yourself with at least one person who has been through what you're currently facing. Such a person will be able to talk with you about the lessons they learned. They may not be the same lessons, but they'll be similar enough that you'll be able to gain new insights.

Second, break down the issues you're facing into pieces and tackle them one at a time. This will enable you to more readily see your progress and will consistently increase your hope and while restoring your faith in yourself.

Third, realize that millions of other people have faced and conquered exactly what you're dealing with. Knowing this will enable you to see the end from the beginning. You'll know that if "they can do it," you can do it too!

Finally, look around and concentrate on the good things in your life. Even though these things may seem small at present it will teach you that the smallest good far outweighs the worst thing that can happen and you'll soon come to realize that even the smallest amount of good has a value greater than you ever imagined!

A Burning Fire

"I knew that I was financially ruined and that there was no way for me to get it back."

• Harvey Jackson
  

A Burning Fire

"We had a motel, a restaurant and a gas station. Things were just humming along and we were making so much money. Then, while I was at the motel one Sunday morning I heard some glass break. When I went to investigate I found that my business was on fire."

I felt as if I could actually feel the flames being described during the story. I could feel the pain as if I were watching my friend's life going up in smoke. But I wasn't. This had happened a long time ago. In fact, it happened in the 1970's. He was just viewing it through older eyes.

"We were located in a remote area. There was no fire department. There were no fire hydrants. The whole community came out to help. We fought the fire for hours, but we still lost everything. In the end, we might as well have just watched it burn."

That's when it hit me and a new thought was burned into my consciousness. Here was Harvey, the teller of this tale, standing in front of me.

"When it was over I surveyed the scene, looked over at my children and I knew I was the richest man in the world." He continued.

I looked at him standing there these many years later and I was struck by the fact that even though he had said that he had lost everything as he started telling the story, he had recognized right then and there, that he hadn't lost it all.

"Now that's a wonderful trait!" I said to myself. I was looking at a man who could have allowed himself to be crushed by this life altering event. He could have taken a full day. He could have taken a week or even years. He may have recovered just when his life was ending. But he didn't. He recovered his life in seconds; in less time than it took to destroy his business. That's what I'll remember most whenever I think of this man. I'll remember that what's most important in life is to have the brightest fire burning within you.

Howdy Stranger

"I'm proud of you."

• The Cowboy in the restaurant
  

Howdy Stranger

If you've watched a few western films you'll be familiar with the phrase, "howdy stranger." In the old films, they're always spoken in a friendly, easy going manner for the express purpose of making a tired and weary traveler feel welcome and at ease. It's part of a legendary "western hospitality" that those of us living in the American West are bound to live our lives by. After all, the American West is a vast landscape that requires travelers to move long distances to get from settlement to settlement. But, while the methods and frequency of travel, along with much of the landscape has changed the human need for a friendly howdy stranger has not.

Last night I sat in a restaurant with my wife and a discouraged daughter. We were out in an effort to raise the spirits of a girl who had a day filled with experiences that fell short of her expectations and it seemed as if nothing we were saying was making a difference.

Then, without one word, a tall gray haired man wearing an extra large black cowboy hat walked past and created a difference atmosphere just with his presence. He was an imposing sight. His flowing gray hair was brushed back across his ears and helped the contrasting hat frame a long tanned face. He was thin and wore blue jeans that buffed his deep brown boots as he walked. And, as he sat down at the table across from us I could hardly help but look across the carpeted isle at this vision of Western Americana.

But, I wasn't the only one looking. It took him but a few minutes before he got up and walked over toward us and spoke directly to my daughter who was wearing a different style of dress than his own.

"Are you a dancer?" He said.

"No, I'm a cheerleader." She replied.

"Well, you look like my granddaughter who's a dancer!" He said with a smile on his face. "I'm proud of you."

Then without any hesitation he continued on his way with his face still smiling. My daughter's face was smiling now as well. And, I marveled. Here was a total stranger who had accomplished in a few seconds what I hadn't been able to in a few hours. It made me think to myself, "howdy stranger!"

I'm glad to know that a good, heart-felt howdy from a complete stranger still has the power to making a tired and weary traveler feel welcome and at ease during times of personal struggle. So, the next time you're out amongst strangers give them your best howdy and see if it doesn't brighten their face a little.

Keep the Water Flowing

"I don't like the water master, but I still use my turn for irrigation."

• Joe Frazier
  

Keep the Water Flowing

We've all had it happen to us. That is, you've been moving forward with your plan and things are going along just fine. Then, something outside of your control happens and everything seemingly comes to a halt!

I was on my way to Boise, Idaho to attend my nephew's wedding. My travel period was at the end of a busy day. I was tired. It was late in the evening now and I had been on the phone working during the entire day. It felt good to be sitting at the gate in the airport so I could take it easy for a few minutes before boarding a plane.

"Hum, an eight o'clock flight, at the airport in Boise by nine, another half hour to get my rental car and drive to the hotel. Yes! It couldn't be more convenient!" I gloated to myself.

Then, as if someone had been listening to my thoughts and wanted to teach me a lesson, I began to eavesdrop on an announcement from the gate agent. "Our plane is late due to weather in Minneapolis. The flight to Boise will be departing at least one hour late. I'll keep you posted as I get more information."

My gloating stopped! I felt something in my stomach begin to stir. I could feel the hair on the back of my neck begin to lift slowly. No! It wasn't lifting slowly; it was racing to a prickle. And, in an instant, I was fully upset. "Don't they know I'm on a schedule!" I muttered under my breath.

Then, as if on cue, I heard the words of my friend Joe Frazier, "I don't like the water master, but I still use my turn for irrigation."

We had been talking about staying focused on what we wanted in life, just a few days ago, when Joe told me a little story about his friend who was a farmer. The farmer wanted to have a successful farm in an area that needed to be irrigated. So, he used his water rights, in turn, from the local irrigation company to give his thirsty plants the water they needed during the hot, dry summer. If he didn't use the water his plants would wither and die quickly.

Still, he didn't get along with the "water master" most of the time. There were many days when he would feel as if he had been mistreated by this "power hungry man." But, he wanted a successful farm more than he wanted anything else, so he just made the best of it and looked past his differences so we could get the benefits of using the water.

"Could I be like Joe's farmer friend and benefit from going with the flow of the water?" The answer fell like rain throughout my body. I began to relax. There was nothing I could do about the missing airplane, but there was something I could do!

I used the two hour delay to finish some things that I'd been "meaning to get to sometime." I took a call and made some progress on a transaction. "Hum, I wouldn't have been able to take that important call had I been on the plane!"

Wow! I wasn't just going with the flow of the world; I felt as if I were surfing!

In the end, the plane arrived. I arrived in Boise. The hotel staff was extra kind to me because of my late arrival and I had a pleasant stay. On my return flight I sat back and thought through my experience again; "it's a lot better to float down the stream than to try to swim against the current!" I think I'll open the irrigation gate more often and go with the flow.