Quenching the Volcano Within

“Pick up the lost strands—the activities and the talents that have gone unrealized—and build new lives around them.” - Father Daniel G. Groody

Quenching the Volcano Within

We, two of us, were standing in a hallway conversing. My friend was especially dressed to reflect one of life’s most important passages; the wedding of his son. We stood there visiting, catching up, since we hadn’t seen each other for more than three years. It was all very pleasant, until a volcano erupted.

Volcanos have always been of interest to me. Perhaps it’s because the ones I’ve personally seen stand majestically, tall and beautiful. They are seemingly placid, without any hint of the danger lurking within. At this moment, I was standing in a hallway, looking at a volcano, my friend.

I had traveled for half a day to visit this good friend and was looking forward to it for a couple of months. Before watching the volcano erupt, I didn’t know I was about to discover something important about life’s journey and how we, as Americans, have become mean.

The word we, as used here, was carefully selected. Because, it includes me.

Less than a week from visiting my friend, during a phone call related to some business, I felt that same volcanic eruption vomit from within.

I remember thinking at the time, “I am an exact reflection of my friend.” I felt ugly.

This realization was in stark contrast to a description my friend Matthew Ward had recently posited of me while saying, “You’re always so calm.” 

Clearly, I am not always calm. And, I’m not always feeling kind, friendly or generous. This realization caused me to ask one of life’s most fundamental questions. Who am I, really?

Luckily, this week my literary agent asked me to write a short bio and description of the vital motivation and purpose for the book he and I have been pitching to a particular publisher. This assignment was the perfect opportunity for me to answer the question, “who am I, really?”.

Turns out that completing the assignment led me to discover a door into the rediscovery of “gift logic,” something I’ve professed to believe in and follow my entire life. This is a different and deeper logic than what has been guiding our lives, since we’ve focused on and put most of our efforts into our work and careers, where we’re heavily focused on the pursuit of self-interest. Gift logic is the opposite of this paradigm, the way we’ve been living.

Gift logic is a guide toward creating a happy, well-lived life. It leads us to form important relationships, serve others and cultivates a complete character. It is a path of contribution and surrender. Many of us are already familiar with it. “Give to receive. You have to lose yourself to find yourself. You have to gain strength within yourself, not in acquisition or domination.”

Yes, gift logic is full of paradox, just like every person is. It focuses on “why” questions, such as why are we here, and what good should we ultimately serve? So, I offer you the same exercise my literary agent asked me to complete.

Sit down and struggle within yourself to identify your core self, your visible self, and your best self. Perhaps doing so will allow each one of us to quench the volcano within, so we can picture a nobler life and muster the courage to go out and live it.

Living a nobler life will open the way for us to follow the counsel of Father Daniel G. Groody to, “Pick up the lost strands—the activities and the talents that have gone unrealized—and build new lives around them.”

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My friend Sharon Westbrook being comforted by members of the Pinnacle Book Club.

Without Expectation

Members of our book club were streaming into my house. There were smiles all around as each member was fill with anticipation. Yet, over to one side of the room, just outside the floating island kitchen, there was a tender moment occurring.

Such tender moments are not often shared in group settings. Perhaps they are not shared more often because many of us labor under the assumption that our most vulnerable moments may become an indication of a potential indifference by others, acting as an usher toward our own irrelevance. Yet, this was not the case with Sharon’s exposure to fellow club members, attending our monthly symposium, as her worry was more grievous than any other potential fear she may have been feeling at the time.

Fear is sometimes displayed through shimmering eyes, just before internal thunder rumbles enough to cause a face to turn into a weeping grotto. Such was the case for Sharon. She was in distress, related to her dear sister’s health and life. Her angst was dripping for all to see and feel. And, club members responded with embraced caring.

Later Sharon expressed, “When I told my sister about you she was so touched! She said, ‘they don’t even know me, and are praying for me!!!’”

A couple of weeks after our monthly meeting, Sharon shared a message proclaiming that her sister had told her that her doctor had been observing her that day and was possibly going to release her to the rehabilitation facility the next day.

“She got so much better yesterday and today! I can’t thank you all enough. You’ve really warmed my heart. She is still frail and weak. Yet, she is continuing to build her strength,” Sharon shared.

Sharing, reaching out to others around you during struggles is an opportunity. It allows one’s fears to disburse; to be shouldered by loved-ones who yearn to put their own strength and talent to use in a beneficial, direct way. Such was demonstrated to me, for the second time in two weeks, just two days ago, when I risked potential indifference and irrelevance by reaching out to another friend, Stephanie Davis.

In response, Stephanie’s face brightened as she strongly stated, “I can help you with that.”

I had no doubt. No doubt about her ability. No doubt about the evidence of her caring kindness.

Fear is sometimes displayed through shimmering eyes, just before internal thunder rumbles enough to cause a face to turn into a hollow of hopelessness. But, when I saw and heard Stephanie’s response to my ask for help, my fear simply dripped through the bottom of despair’s infinity. Because, as was the instance with Sharon, the help was offered without expectation.

The givers simply gave. Givers give without expectation of recompense. They give as supporting, caring friends. 

Such tender, giving moments are not often shared in personal or group settings. Perhaps they are not shared more often because many of us labor under the assumption that our most vulnerable moments may become an indication of potential indifference by others, acting as an usher toward our own irrelevance. Yet.

Giving to others without expectation always transforms fear into a tender, rejoicing moment.

Watch as I host American Dream TV, now streaming on Apple TV and Roku.

 

“Some people say you shouldn’t work with family, but we all have different talents and strengths.” – Paola Montes

A Full Cup

“My father wanted his family to have more economic opportunity,” Paola explained in the entryway of her family’s bistro.

We were talking in the entryway of the third restaurant they’ve created together.

“When I graduated from college, I thought I wanted to make my own way,” Paola said, as a slight blush bloomed across her face. “But, I loved working with my family. I grew up in the restaurant business. And, I knew I had more to offer to my family and our community.”

From the moment I walked into Azul it was clear that Paola, Mario (her husband), and the entire staff take pride in their work and that they enjoy showcasing their creation to others.

“Our cup is full,” Paola almost whispered as she began thinking back of the beginning of their venture.

Her father, an engineer by trade, decided to accept a family invitation to come to learn about the restaurant business from another relative in Alabama. He and his wife had two young sons at the time, so it was a real risk starting over, on the very bottom rung. He washed dishes, bused tables and learned every aspect of the business. When he thought he knew the business well enough and could really make a go of it, he set off to find his own, right location.

That location was in a different state in a small town where there wasn’t one Mexican restaurant. He wanted to get the best shot he could get at survival, so they moved again. And, from the first day of the venture, each member of the growing family worked to make it a success.

“That’s when I was born,” Paola said. “We all work hard. It’s an important component of our success.”

And, yes, they do work hard. But they don’t work just for work’s sake. When Paola says their “cup is full,” it’s because she means their work reflects who they are now and where they came from. They focus on contributing every single detail of their history and talent.

“My father designs every part of the interiors of our businesses. He personally travels to select the people who will hand craft the chairs, tables and décor. He only chooses people who can bring his vision into reality.” Paola pointed out, while walking through the entire top floor of their bistro, pointing out each piece, including the art on the walls, the sparkling lights, and the way their food is delivered to customers.

“Some people say you shouldn’t work with family, but we all have different talents and strengths.,” Paola Montes said with warmth radiating from her eyes. “It was time for our father to retire a couple of years ago, and he did, but he just can’t stay away all of the time. He still comes in on a regular basis, just not as much, because he belongs here. He wants to contribute. Its who he is. He’s just part of this, part of us and he always will be.”

“My father wanted his family to have more economic opportunity,” Paola explained in the entryway of her family’s bistro. But, he accomplished more than just that. He created a way for everyone in our family to fill their own cup. A cup filled with our individual contributions, our history and the desire to showcase our history, who we are and what we yearn to give to each other and to others.

Watch as I host American Dream TV, now streaming on Apple TV and Roku.

“Where ever you go, blessings will follow.” - Martin Sensmeier

Unanticipated

“You know my father, don’t you?”

Randy Salt was speaking of his father, Richard.

“He died this year. He was 96 years old,” Randy continued.

Richard was an avid sportsman. He played on his school’s football, basketball, track and field teams in his youth. He also was a prize amateur boxer and had a chance to turn professional, but decided instead to focus on his growing family. His commitment to those he loved most was something he learned from his own father and mother.

“My grandfather worked for the railroad,” Randy continued. “When he was in his mid-thirties he was crushed by a train coupling. No one expected him to live.”

He did live. He endured multiple surgeries and relied on his wife to care for him for the rest of his life.

“My grandmother spent her entire life caring for my grandfather. And, there was never any question whether she would do it or not.”

When it became clear that he would live, no one thought he would ever be able to walk again. But, he did! One step at a time. He started by simply standing. Then he graduated to a walker. Finally, he was able to walk with the aid of a cane after many years of struggle.

“I never really understood the depth of my grandmother’s commitment to my beloved grandfather, until my brother Bob and I made the decision to care for our own father during his last years,” Randy explained.

Because the two men had watched the care given by their grandmother, they were able to see how she grew and changed over many years. But, there is nothing like personal experience.

“I never would have guessed what growth would come to me from caring for my father,” Randy said with emotion as soft as a light breeze kissing the top of a seemingly eternal, giant sequoia tree.

The two men became so close that when the time came where Richard could no longer speak to Randy through voice, they could still fully communicate.

“We would sit together,” Randy said quietly. “I could feel what he was feeling, what he wanted and needed. I couldn’t hear his audible voice, but we knew each other in a way I never could have imagined possible.”

Martin Sensmeier, an actor, when playing a uniquely meaningful role, once said, “Where ever you go, blessings will follow.”

Blessings will always follow difficulties. Every time. But, the blessings are almost always unanticipated. They’re unanticipated because they only show up during the experience. They come from the unwanted, something not sought.

“You know my father, don’t you?” Randy had asked.

Randy Salt was speaking of his father, Richard. But, he was really telling you and me of the unanticipated. Because, we all, every one of us, will enjoy unanticipated blessings as the result of unwanted experience.

Watch as I host American Dream TV which will begin streaming on Apple TV and Roku in August 2023