Help on the coldest, snowiest & Iciest day of the year.

The Hero Living Next Door

It was a wintry mix and icy this morning!  I knew it would be this way, but I was driving on the roads anyway.  I had two important appointments.  Luckily, the roads weren’t too bad yet.  And, not long after beginning my journey, I came to a stop at a traffic signal where I read a sticker on the back window of the car in front of me.

“I hope something good happens to you today.”

The chill left my body as I read.  It was chased away by the smile widening on my face.

“A post-prophetic statement!  It already has!” I whispered as if there existed someone near me listening.  There was not one other person there in my car.  Happily, there was one good person at my door earlier this morning.

Harry Pupper was barking while doing his very best Lassie impersonation to let us know there was someone at our front door about 7:30 am.  We were at a loss as to who it could be.

“Who would be out in this frightful arctic-blast-storm?”  I said to my wife as Harry was acting as “Lassie-the-hero” to prompt us forward. Upon their arrival at the front door Sue carefully held Harry with one hand and turned the deadbolt with the other, so they could be greeted by a real-life hero.  Our next-door neighbor, Chris Hand.

“Would you like me to put some salt on your driveway?”  Chris asked with a friendly smile on his face.

“That would be very kind of you!  Thank you for thinking of us!” She answered.

Chris then went about spreading salt on our front steps, sidewalk and driveway, while we enjoyed the comfortable warmth of our home. Shortly thereafter, I left our house and benefited from his goodness by enjoying an ice-free glide down toward the road and my appointments.

Now I’m back inside my home and the arctic blast is blustering away out there!  The wind is howling, the snow is blowing and it feels as if it is -17 below freezing outside!  And, my car is tucked comfortable into its garage spot, outside the ravages of the raging, perhaps once in a life-time storm.

“Stop looking for heroes on television and look at your neighbors to find real heroes!”  I read in an advisory commentary a couple of weeks ago.

This morning I was reading the sky outside. It was a wintry mix and icy early this morning and it’s much worse now!  I knew it would be this way, but I was out driving on the roads anyway.  I had two important appointments.  Luckily, the roads weren’t too bad yet.  And, not long after beginning my journey I came to a stop at a traffic signal where I read a sticker on the back window of the car in front of me.

“I hope something good happens to you today.”

The chill left my body as I was reading.  It was chased away by the smile widening on my face as I thought of my neighbor-hero, Chris Hand.  He’s a retired US Marine and my personal, neighborhood, hero as well.

 

Be the HERO that your children already believe you are. - Blake Brewer

The Legacy Letter

“We all have three things in common.”  Blake Brewer said as he began speaking to around fifty fathers who had gathered together for dinner in Wright’s Barbeque.  The menu and meal had been specially planned for this gathering.  It was a gathering for one specific purpose.

“Be the hero your children already believe you are.”  Blake continue before he went on to identify the three things we all have in common.

“We all have a super power.”  Blake said.  “The words we use can either destroy our children or build and fortify them.”  Then, he revealed our second commonality.

“All of us will have a last day on this planet.”  Blake said quietly, as if he had a specific reason and experience for saying so.

You see, Blake was on vacation with his father and mother in Hawaii not too long ago.  It was a special get away for them and they were having the time of their lives.  Blake remembers feeling extra close to his father as they walked down the trail toward Hanauma Bay to snorkel together.

They were in the bay’s water for some time before Blake noticed he could no longer see his father.  The waves and their swells had become increasing large and swimming through them was very tiring.  Blake was tired himself.  He was also worried.

He was so worried that he swam over to a large rock formation where he climbed to the top.  He hoped he could see his father from this high perch.  He was right.  He looked out and found his father a couple of swells away.  His father was calling for help!

Blake saw his father’s mouth calling out, he couldn’t hear him over the crashing waves, and decided to jump in to try to rescue him.  He remembers wondering if he had enough strength left to be his Dad’s hero.  He jumped in anyway, just as he saw his father go down under the water.

Moments later Blake reached his father.  His Dad was a large man, who had played college football as a tight end with Terry Bradshaw as his quarterback.  Blake is a tall man himself, so he was able to wrap his long arms around his father so he could begin to tow him toward the shore.

Not long after he started his final swim for the day, a life guard approached the two men.  The combined strength of Blake and the guard allowed all three men to arrive on the beach.  Two of them arrived well.  One, Blake’s father, had expired.

It was the expiration of a joyful vacation as well.  And, Blake and his mother spent the next couple of days mourning their loss in a hotel room, while he wondered if he could have done more.  Fortunately, his father had done more!

He had written Blake what he now calls his Legacy Letter.  He had no idea of its existence until his mother quietly handed it to him in that same hotel room.  It was the culmination of a change in Blake, that would also be the beginning of a change for millions of men and the identification of the third thing we all have in common.

“None of us want to have any regrets about our family on our last day!”  Blake said with palpable emotion, to those gathered together in Wright’s Barbeque.

The entire room, down to every man, was touched by Blake’s passion.

“Your words have the power to call your children to greatness!”  Blake said right before he challenged all of us to be one of the million men he is working to inspire to write a legacy letter to their children.

“It will cut through the noise. It will penetrate their hearts.  It will make every heart who reads it ‘return-to-able!’”  Blake counseled.

“We all have three things in common.”  Blake began.

The One Million Man Legacy Letter Challenge then began in earnest for us as well, as we all began to outline our own personal legacy letters.

If you’re one in a million please join us by going to: 

https://www.legacyletterchallenge.com/

“Please send me a Friend.” – A girl’s letter to Santa

Letter to Santa

A teen-aged-girl stopped at Santa’s Letter Box, picked up a blank letter to Santa and walked in the door.

“Do you have a pen I could borrow?”  She asked with a little apprehension.

“Sure!”  I replied, while handing her the pen from my pocket.  Then, I watched her lean over the counter and write her heartfelt letter to Santa, with hope radiating from her face.  As soon as she finished writing her letter she folded it once.  She folded it twice.  She folded it a third time, just to ensure its contents would remain unseen by all eyes; other than Santa’s.

“Thanks!”  She said while walking back to the door from which she entered.

She walked through the door, continued forward down three steps, turned left and then faced the bright red North Pole Post box, where she deposited her letter.  Finally, she patted the top of the hope-filled-box three times before smiling optimistically.  The young girl turned away and walked down the Christmas adorned street.

At the end of the day I too walked to Santa’s Box, being one of Santa’s Helpers, I gathered all of the letters from the box, brought them inside and began to place them in Santa’s folder, so each one of them could be answered before Christmas.  Only one of them had the girl’s careful folds.  

Those folds piqued my interest, so I opened it and read, “Santa, will you please send me a friend for Christmas?”  The sincere request reminded me of another earnest question asked of me many years ago.

“Is Santa real?”  My daughter Kilee once asked me as a young girl.

 “Yes!” I responded.  “But not the way you think.  I’m Santa for you and you too can be Santa for others.”

Kilee’s eyes brightened when she learned this magical secret.  She immediately went about taking her role as Santa, for others, very seriously.  And, she continues to do so today as a mother, daughter, sister and friend.

Friendship is the greatest gift one person can give to another.  A genuine gift of friendship is much different than posting messages to people you know, or know of.  Creating strong personal ties can only be done face to face with an ear attuned to listening.  It ends loneliness.

A lonely, teen-aged-girl stopped at Santa’s Letter Box, picked up a blank letter to Santa and walked in the door.

“Do you have a pen I could borrow?”  She asked with a little apprehension.

“Sure!”  I replied, while handing her the pen from my pocket.  Then, I watched her lean over the counter and write her heartfelt letter to Santa with hope, that her loneliness would end, radiating from her face.  As soon as she finished writing her letter she folded it once.  She folded it twice.  She folded it a third time, just to ensure its contents would remain unseen by all eyes; other than Santa’s; and his helpers.

By combining all of our helper eyes and ears we will make the words, “He knows when you are sleeping.  He knows when you’re awake.  He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake” be real.

Be good for goodness sake.  End someone’s loneliness by being Santa for them. 

“Sometimes I Sprinkle cards in seatbacks.” - Hailey

Sprinkles

The rain had stopped in the early afternoon.

“A good rain always makes the city seem cleaner and softer.”  I said to myself as I waited outside my hotel for an ordered ride to the airport.

It was the day after Thanksgiving and I was expecting a heavy travel day.  That meant more people on the sidewalks.  It would also mean more traffic; not just shopping traffic.  I had visions of miles and miles of cars jockeying for position to drop their friends and family members at the air terminal.  But it was not to be!

The traffic on Grand Central Parkway was unexpectedly light and the cars dropping passengers at terminal four were sort of sprinkled around, with plenty of room at the curb for more.

“No double parking in the drop off zone!  I can’t believe it!” I said to myself.

The trip to my airline had already been sprinkled with surprise.  And, there was another wonder to come once I was in the air.

The flight was comfortable and the people, both passengers and flight crew, were friendly and helpful.  The crew, sprinkled around the cabin, rained personalized attention on all the passengers.  They seemed to be genuinely happy to be there. Happy to bring a smile to those they were there to serve.

One such, noticeable, smile appeared on the faces of a young couple seated across the aisle.  And, their smiles broadened as they paused their entertainment and looked at what appeared to be a card. One of them had pulled it from the seatback in front of her.  They talked softly to each other while glancing around, as if they were looking for an answer.  The answer they were looking for soon appeared as all of the passengers began to disembark.

“Did you give us this?”  The woman across the aisle asked Hailey, the Delta Flight Attendant who’d been serving us so attentively.

“Yes.”  Hailey replied.  “I like to sprinkle holiday cards around the plane this time of year.  It means a lot to me to be able to brighten travel for our guests.” 

She had succeeded in her efforts!  The joy she had hoped for was displayed on the faces of that couple.

“Thank you!”  They said as they picked up their bags and began to walk toward the exit. Their steps were visibly lighter, even with a late-night arrival.

“Joy, purposely sprinkled! It’s refreshing, just like the earlier rain.”  I whispered quietly, as I said thank you to Hailey and followed the happy couple onto the waiting jet bridge.

The rain had stopped in the early afternoon.  But the sprinkles continued on my flight.

“A good rain always makes the city seem cleaner and softer.”  I said to myself as I waited outside my hotel for an ordered ride to the airport.

A little, purposeful, sprinkle of kindness has the ability to make everyone’s life more joyful.

After all, who doesn’t like sprinkles on their cupcakes as well as in their airplane seatback?

“Finding opportunity is a matter of believing it’s there.” – Barbara Corcoran

Believing it’s There

“You know me!”  He said.

I do know him!  He has a knack for finding opportunity.  It’s something I’ve watched him find over a period of more than twenty years.  At first, I thought he was just lucky.  But, when that luck seemed to be following him around like a pair of tight jeans I had to wonder.  Was there something beyond luck happening here?

This wondering necessitated a lengthy process of observation and comparison.  No.  I didn’t become some kind of weird groupie or anything of that sort!  I just spent the time and effort to become a close friend.  Because I wanted to be more like him.  And, the simple recognition of a need to find something, that wasn’t overtly visible, was in itself, an important nugget of discovery.

The people you associate with, your friends and collogues, will guide the trajectory of both personal success and belief.  Because I was spending more personal time with my admired person, his ways of thinking and acting started to naturally rub off on me.  Being with people means you’ll become like them.

Being like another person is more than simply dressing like them.  It also means their patterns of living will become yours over time.  These patterns will affect important lifestyle choices such as the places you frequent, what you do professionally, who you marry, behavior, what you do with your leisure time and how you think.  Of all of these impacts, and others I haven’t named here, perhaps the most important is how you think.

This was graphically confirmed to me one day by a ten-year-old boy who spoke of his reverence for one particular teacher in his church.  He said, “He teaches us more than just information, he teaches us how to think.”

His simple comment communicates a profound principle.  The art of thinking is more than just an ability to remember and rehearse events and facts.  The act of thinking is also woven into the fabric of belief.  People create what they think.  And, the creation process is multifaceted.

Creation is a mingling of the physical and the mental.  The two are fully integrated.  They are not divisible.  Barbara Corcoran, a businesswoman, investor, syndicated columnist, and television personality, was speaking of this principle when she said, “Finding opportunity is a matter of believing it’s there.”

She didn’t know it at the time, but she was describing the guy who started me on this process of discovery.

“You know me!”  He said.

I do know him!  Now I know him much better than I did, because a lengthy process of observation and comparison. Now, these many years later, he still has a knack for finding opportunity.  It’s something I’ve watched him find over and over again.  And, as I said, at first, I thought he was just lucky.  But, when that luck seemed to be following him around like a pair of tight jeans I had to wonder.  Was there something beyond luck happening here?

Believe there is.

Believe there is a path for you to follow. 

Believing it’s there is the first step!

“My brother just called and said he has a modeling gig!” – Nancy Hatcher

Even When Broken

Nancy was enjoying the warmth of The Gallery.  It was a cold day, but as always, she was wearing a bright smile.  She also felt the need to have a conversation, even though she had just finished a phone call.

“My brother just called and said he has a modeling gig!” Nancy said with a sparkle in her eye.

Her brother, Dean Martin (no, not the famous singer), had been diagnosed with cancer a couple of years ago.  His physicians tried to attack it without surgery, but it soon became apparent that they could only save his life by performing a radical procedure.  In the end, the doctors removed one of his legs, hip and a large part of his torso.  In all, he lost just about one third of his body.  That would destroy all of the joy and hope for some people, but not for Dean.

“Dean hasn’t lost his sense of humor in any way!”  Nancy continued.  “I just don’t know how he does it.  But, it’s clear that the doctors couldn’t cut that part of him away!”

When Dean is out in public, people are drawn to him because he’s so different physically.  And, by the time they walk away they realize they were drawn-in by his character and personality.  That’s what allows him to reach others in a such a unique way.  This exceptional combination of inimitable physical distinction with indominable personality has made him a applied teacher.

“People can look at me and immediately see that I’m broken.”  Dean says.  “I think at first they’re shocked.  But, when they see I’m open and approachable about my brokenness, they relate to me almost immediately.”

People can empathize with Dean because every living person feels broken in one way or another.  And, when another person sees that Dean’s broken condition is generally far worse than what they’ve faced, they want to know how he’s been able to deal with it so positively.

“He is happy!”  Nancy says.  “He’s taught me that no matter what may happen to my body I can still live a happy life!”

And, happy he is!  Losing a third of his body changed Dean’s life in many good ways.

“I never saw myself as a teacher, as a source of inspiration, before cancer and my subsequent surgery.  Now I know that teaching, inspiring others, is my greatest talent.  It has brought me indescribable joy.  It has brought me a realization of fulfillment.  Even though I’m really only two thirds full!”  He laughed.

Nancy was enjoying the warmth of The Gallery.  Now we were both enjoying the warmth of Dean’s inspiration!  It was a cold day, but as always, she was wearing a bright smile.  She also felt the need to have an intimate conversation.

“My brother just called and said he has a modeling gig!” Nancy said with a sparkle in her eye.

And, what a model he is!  He teaches that all of us are broken in some way.  Sometimes it’s apparent to others and sometimes it’s not.  

“What matters is that we know one important thing. Even when one is broken, they can be happy and completely fulfilled; no matter the size of their tank!”  Dean chuckled.

“Tennis balls and tasty morsels”

Keeping a Constant Stare

“What would he want more?”  That was the question that kept turning and turning.  It turned likes the wheels of a vehicle driving past.  The kind of wheels that a dog like Harry Pupper just can’t ignore.  They seem to have an otherworldly grip on him.  He just has to give chase.  He can’t help himself!  It doesn’t matter how many times he’s been told no for his own good.

“What would he want more?  What would have the ability to capture his attention with the same kind of power?”  Those are the two questions I asked myself continually over, a seven-year period; a sum of his whole life.  

After all, the sum of anyone’s life adds up to what they pay attention to; what has the power to keep a hold on their eye.  For Harry, there are two things that can keep his constant stare.

The first?  Tennis balls and a buddy to throw them.

For some reason Harry has always struggled with stairs.  He fears them.  Even after lots of practice going up and down stairs, he is so nervous, as be begins, that he fails to fully commit to the climb.  That causes him to stumble on most occasions.  And, when the stairs are slippery to little paws, because they’re finished in a glossy wood, he freezes.  Well, maybe that’s a bit dramatic.  Let’s just say he simply refuses to climb them.  Until he one-day-realized that his beloved tennis balls are in a room just past the top of those scary stairs.

Knowing his play-balls are slightly beyond that staircase isn’t enough alone to inspire his courage to climb.  It takes a special combination of tennis balls with a buddy, he knows will be willing to throw the balls for him to chase, to confirm his resolution.  When this special combination is in place, he’s able to keep a constant stare.

It is his change in personal focus, what he wants more, that gives him the courage to climb stairs without help or additional encouragement.

The second?  Tasty treat morsels combined with specific direction.

“Off the road.”  I say, when a vehicle approaches.  “Quiet.”

He knows the words and their meaning.  But, the words alone are not enough to capture his attention.  The passing wheels are too demanding!  It takes a special combination to hold his stare.

So, I say the words while reaching into my pocket to withdraw a tasty morsel.  Harry hears the sound of the rustling bag. His eyes focus on the movement of my hand.  He sits, quietly, with an intent stare, knowing.  All signs indicate that his desire will soon be fulfilled.  So, he lets the rolling, attention requesting wheels, to roll on past without a second thought.

Attention requesting, really demanding, wheels have the ability to roll over little dogs.  They have no mercy and do not yield. That means Harry’s life is a constant contest of competing desires.  As it is for you and me.  Successful living requires keeping a constant focus on the Harry Pupper inspired, two simple questions.

“What do you want more?”  And, “What has the ability to capture your attention with the same kind of power as those seemingly otherworldly enticements?”  Whatever they are.

These are powerful, life changing, questions that, when asked and answered concurrently, allow a little dog, and people, to fix their focus on what they really want in life; to keep a constant stare.

“Please be in touch with someone to let them know that we’re “pulling for him!”

– Michael Perlman

Guardian

“I don’t know if it’s for public knowledge, but I do know you’re friends.”  Michael’s message started.

It wasn’t a surprise to receive such a message from Michael Perlman.  He is a guardian.

A guardian is a protector, defender, preserver, champion, custodian, guard, keeper, conservator, caretaker.  Such words define Michael, his business and life.

“And, would you like his wife’s phone number?  That way you can text her and give her your good thoughts.”  He continued.

I say I wasn’t surprised.  That’s because over the preceding years I’ve made note of Michael’s Rules of Guardianship.

You’ve heard it said, “It’s not personal, it’s just business?”  Such a concept is completely foreign to Michael.  His first rule?  It’s always personal!  He knows that sustainable business requires a deep, abiding personal relationship.  Successful relationships are always rooted in trust.

Trust, Michael’s second rule, is something that is earned over an extended period of time.  While some people look for a quick sale, he understands the difference between one sale and building a business.  Perhaps that’s because he established rule number one, first.  Business is always personal.  That means he pays particular attention to the particular matters of life.

Pay attention to the personal details is Michael’s third rule.

“Just heard multiple times from his wife!  His son had an extra-large liver, so they were able to give him a much bigger piece (like ¾ of his son’s) so that’s great! His son is now in recovery and he’s still getting his transplant sewn in.”

Sewn in!  Michael’s fourth rule.  He has the unique ability to stitch others into relationship.  In short, he’s inclusive.  He’s so inclusive that he created a large network of professionals to allow them to learn from each other, be more successful; to grow the pie.  It’s a group that has been together for many years.  And, it continues to grow because everyone chooses to participate.

Finally, Michael’s fifth rule.  Live life because you want to!  People are in Michael’s life because they choose to be there.  He personally draws them in.  He earns their trust over time.  He pays attention to the smallest details of their lives and he binds others together.  They stay together because they want to; because of Michael!

“I don’t know if it’s for public knowledge, but I do know you’re friends.”  Michael’s message started.

It wasn’t a surprise to receive such a message from Michael Perlman.  He is a guardian.

He’s my guardian and friend.  He’s my teacher.  And, the giver of Michael’s Five Rules of Guardianship.

I hope you’ll accept his gift!

“Is it too late for me?” – Matt Monica

Is it Too Late for me?

He walked into the luncheon long after it had begun.  His walk was slow and labored, almost tortured.  He was a long time coming to sit at a table already filled with others.

“Has he had a stroke?”  Ronnie Green asked, as he observed Matt coming directly toward him.

Moments after Ronnie’s comment, Matt arrived.  That’s when others at the table happily shifted their chairs so they could create room for the latecomer to sit on the chair that seemed to almost magically appear, as Matt bent to sit down, as he talked with Ronnie.

“Is . . . it . . . too . . . late . . . for . . . me?” Matt Monica asked immediately after accepting the offer to sit in the chair.  “I . . . haven’t . . . been . . . out . . . to . . . attend . . . anything . . . for . . . the . . . past . . . two . . . years; after . . . my . . . wife . . . passed . . . on.”

He spoke slowly; haltingly, his words coming out as if sprinkled over soil hoping for more.  Yet, his sincerity acted to quench all thirst, as tears streamed from his eyes.  He yearned for companionship.  That was clear.  So, I sat with him as the room cleared.

When everyone else had left the room, we still sat.  He ate until the food on his plate was gone.

“Is it too late for me?”  Matt asked again.

“No!”  I replied.  “It will never be too late for you.”

I could see why he asked the question again.  Workers had come into the room to clean and clear it.  They politely worked around us, without saying a word.  Finally, the room was cleared all around, so Matt and I got up and began to walk toward the exit.

“Do you need a ride home?”  I asked.

“No.  I . . . drove . . . my . . . car.”  Matt responded.

We emerged from the building and stared into the west parking lot. He looked around as if confused.

“What color is your car?”  I queried.

“Green.”  Matt said.

There was no green car in sight, so I asked him to wait a moment while I walked to the other side of the building to check an adjacent parking lot.  His car was there.  So, I returned to Matt.

He put his hand on my shoulder, to steady himself, as we walked around the corner of the large building toward his car.

“I’ll . . . be . . . your . . . friend . . . forever!” Matt promised, as he slowly put his key into this car door lock.  He stooped.  He sat.  He smiled, “I’ll . . . call. . .  you!” He started his car. 

I watched as he drove away. I remembered and pondered, as he navigated, toward his home.

Matt had walked into our “celebration of life luncheon” long after it had begun.  His walk was slow and labored, almost tortured.  He was a long time coming to sit at our table, a table already filled with others and we all made room for him to sit with us.

He spoke slowly.  Haltingly, his words coming out as if sprinkled over soil hoping for more.  Yet, his sincerity acted to quench all thirst as tears streamed from his eyes.  He was yearning for companionship.  That was clear.  So, I sat with him until long after the room was cleared by the staff.

“Is . . .it . . . too . . . late . . . for . . . me?” Matt Monica asked immediately after accepting an offer to sit in a just offered chair.  “I . . . haven’t . . . been . . . out . . . to . . . attend . . .  anything . . . for . . . the . . . past . . . two . . . years; after . . . my . . . wife . . . passed . . . on.”

“No Matt, it isn’t too late for you!” I said to the blue sky above us, as I watched his old, well-worn, green car drive slowly to the east; hoping he would, indeed call me.

It isn’t too late for anyone, as long as there is just one of us willing to simply be there to offer simple, amiable, companionship.

Open-Door Policy

I looked down at my torso wondering if there was blood showing.  I couldn’t see any.  That caused me to be even more confused than I already was.  There was nothing visibly wrong with me.  But, somehow, this man, Ron Green could see the wounds that were not seeable by others.

At the time I met him, his ability to see me, the real me, was inexplicable.  Today, forty-four years later it is still something of a personal mystery.  But I have come to be at peace with it, because of his seemingly divine dimension of great wisdom, loving kindness and appreciation for all creation. He taught me, and all those he came into contact with, to fish, to be “fishers of people.” This created a legacy that will remain in my heart, as well as in the hearts of all those he coached throughout his life.

And, coach he did.  His first coaching job was at Twin Pines Rehabilitation School for Boys in Idyllwild, CA. He head-coached all sports, taught 5 math, geometry, and science classes, and was director of counseling. His inaugural coaching year was the first time Twin Pines had ever won its football league and entered the CIF finals. The football team played the entire season without being scored on.  Later, he embarked on his own business venture, “Success Motivation Institute,” and signed on with College of the Desert where he was the first director of counseling and golf coach.  That’s where I met him.

I say met him, but I really met his whole family.  We spent a lot of time together from the moment we met.  They all intrigued me!  I didn’t know there were such people on the planet.  They were happy, giving, accepting and healing.  They made me want to become like them.  They made me want to be a part of them.  And, to my delight they invited and welcomed me into their family.

Since that time, we’ve rejoiced together and we’ve also cried together when the occasion called for it.  And is one of those times, as beloved husband, father, grandfather, great grandfather, teacher, counselor, coach and friend, Charles Ronald Green, Sr., transitioned from our lives. As was his way, he passed away while visiting family.  It was his last way of coaching us.  His door was open right up to his last moments of life.

His real talent was his ability to open a door into the hearts of others.  That’s what he did for me.  He opened the door into my heart, saw the wounds there and immediately set about to help heal them.

When I first met him, I looked down at my torso wondering if there was blood showing.  I couldn’t see any.  That caused me to be even more confused than I already was.  There was nothing visibly wrong with me.  But, somehow, this man, Ron Green could see the wounds that were not seeable by others.

At the time I met him, his ability to see me, the real me, was inexplicable.  Today, forty-four years later it is still something of a personal mystery.  But I have come to be at peace with it, because of his seemingly divine dimension of great wisdom, loving kindness and open-door policy.

A policy that opened the door into to his life as well as the door into the lives of those he came into contact with.

“Serving people in a food pantry is one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever had.” – Barry Smith

Filling and Fulfilling

“I donate my time every Tuesday at a local food pantry.”  Barry Smith said.  “Serving people in a food pantry is one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever hand.”

Then he went on to explain.

“I didn’t even know that there were such profoundly poor people in our community.”  He continued.  “But I’ve learned a couple of things by working there.  Things that I never would have expected!”

The first thing he talked about was types of distance.  He lives in a different town, from where the pantry is, and while it’s really just a short drive for him to get there, about twenty minutes,  his own heart was much farther from the people he serves more than he imagined.

“I found that distance doesn’t matter.  The people I attend to there are just like me in most ways.  Being there with them and getting to know them has closed a gap in my understanding.  It has also closed a gap in my heart!”  He clarified.

There are different aspects to distance.  Sometimes we remain focused on a concept of separation and time exclusively.  But, Barry believes that a larger concern is a common trait that seems to be shared by almost all people.  That characteristic is one of exclusion.

“For some reason, people decide that there is an imaginary line that exists between us!  I’ve found that this line is arbitrary and something of mental fabrication.  It’s a story we tell ourselves!”  Barry said, with a warmth in his eyes.

Another kind of story people tell themselves is that everyone will be happy if they would simply be like they, themselves, are.  That hasn’t been Barry’s experience at all.

“Some of the poorest people I meet at the pantry are also the happiest people I’ve ever met.  And, they don’t want to change their economic position in any way.  They’re just happy!  They’re grateful!  They have a feeling that what they have is enough.  Maybe their stomachs are growling a little, but their demeanor is not!  Have you ever met someone who has whatever they want, that money can buy, yet they’re unhappy?

Now, don’t get me wrong.  They are millions of people who are financially healthy and happy at the same time.  And, there are millions of people who are who are financially unhealthy and unhappy as well.  Financial status isn’t the message of Barry’s story.

“I donate my time every Tuesday at a local food pantry.”  Barry Smith said.  “Serving people in a food pantry is one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve ever hand.”

Then he went on to explain.

“I didn’t even know that there were such profoundly poor people in our community.”  He continued.  “But I’ve learned a couple of things by working there.  Things that I never would have expected!”

The look on Barry’s face told the unspoken part of his tale.  His eyes were bright as he was relating his account during lunch.  His stomach was filled.  But it is the relationships he’s developed with the people he serves, as well as the people he serves with, that have given him the too rare gift of being filled and fulfilled.

“Everyone on our team brought an important piece to complete the puzzle!” -  Matt Donaldson

Puzzled

“It has been a long three years!”  Matt said.

Matt and his partners were teetering on the edge of their years-long-work imploding.  That’s the point where he called his closest friends and asked them for help.  They responded. 

“There isn’t anything in this for me.”  One friend said, before continuing, “I’m in!”

There were six such friends who stepped in to offer their expertise and work to do everything they could to create something past just success.  Most importantly, they cemented their friendship as well.

“Everyone brought something special.  They all added their unique piece to fill in the seemingly lost pieces to the puzzle.  We could not have found success without everyone!

Matt went on to list the seven steps he’s been able to identify to help us solve our puzzle of building and maintaining friendships.

First, show yourself as friendly. Matt is convinced that it takes energy and effort on our part. He’s found that few want to take the first step and reach out first. So, if you want friends, make the first move! Reach out and introduce yourself first.

Call an old acquaintance first and ask if they’d be up for meeting at the local restaurant for breakfast. The point here is to be the first one to make the move. Not all will respond, but if you keep trying, someone will take you up on your offer and that’s when you’ll find a possibility for deeper connection.

Second, learn to find common ground. Recognize that there will be differences between two people in any relationship.  Expect this! People are designed uniquely as a result of their life experiences. Don’t emphasize your differences; rather look for similarities.

Are there things you can talk about that both of you are passionate about? Are there hobbies you both enjoy? Are there similarities in family structures? Do you share any history together? Use these similarities as a springboard for conversations that will lead to meaningful relationship.

Third, learn to be authentic. As you navigate the waters of friendship, make sure you’re keeping it real. Tell the truth about yourself and your struggles.  Listen carefully to others as they do the same. Truthfully, we all have areas of our lives in which we are stuck. It might be our marriage, parenting dilemmas, or other failures. Life presents enough room for all of us to make errors of judgment and lapses of character. Hiding and friendship are not compatible bedfellows.

Let’s be clear here. Don't hang all your dirty laundry out in one afternoon, but instead look for opportunities to reveal the truth about who you are and who you’ve become, and even who you desire to be.  This will allow authentic friendship to thrive!

Fourth, choose to be transparent and vulnerable. No one wants to develop relationships in which there is an absence of honesty. Choose to not hide. Frankly, although it might appear that we have it all together in all the complicated areas of our lives, we don't if we’re honest.

Fifth. Make friends without an agenda. I know in some form or fashion, we are all engaged in sales. We sell our products and services to family and our friends. But, when we’re looking for meaning that comes from friendships, we must be willing to look for deep connection without an agenda. If we do choose to lay aside our desire for financial gain in our meetings, it will come with the rewards of genuine authenticity.  Our agenda should be genuine concern for the other.

Sixth.  Keep confidences. If we choose to reveal a secret to someone outside the circle of friendship without permission, and our friend hears about that breach, we lose trust. When trust is lost, the possibility of a close authentic relationship is not possible. When we hear a confidence, we must hold it close to our hearts and value the trust that was given to us. Guard that information as a sacred trust.

Seventh. Place yourself in the right position for facilitating friendships. Staying home and eating potato chips on the sofa while binge watching Netflix will not get the job done.  Actively look for situations that foster the kind of friendships you’re seeking; to become the kind of person that will make change in our world.

Everyone has something special to bring.  Everyone can add their unique piece to fill in the lost pieces necessary to solve the fluid puzzles presented by our chaotic world.  We can never have the greatest success possible without everyone.

Are you willing to add your piece to the puzzle?

“He wasn’t a good father, but she’s working to build a relationship with him.” – Ed Roberts

Over Head

The first time I noticed Ed was when I was attempting to stuff my suit case in the overhead storage compartment above my seat.  He was snickering as he watched me try to fit a fifty-pound case in a spot made to fit twenty-five-pound bags.  His eyes were sparkling with glee.  I didn’t blame him!

I’ve had the same thoughts many times as I’ve watched others attempting to complete the same impossible task on an aircraft.  Yet, this time it wasn’t impossible.  I got it in there!

“We’ll see if I can get it out of there!”  I said to myself as I took my seat on the flight to Tulsa.

Of course, Ed was on the same flight.  And, he was also on the same row.  He sat next to me in the window seat.  It was that little, laughing-eye-connection a few moments earlier that had broken a common, usual barrier between strangers on an airplane.  We began to talk before the door was shut and the plane was pushed from the gate.

“Are you headed home?”  I inquired.

“No.”  He said.  “My father-in-law lives outside of Tulsa in a remote area.  He recently had a stroke and can’t take care of himself anymore so I’m on my way to begin to help him pack for his move to an assisted care facility in Salt Lake City.”

He went on to explain that this move was difficult as his father-in-law lived in a remote area, because he didn’t like people.  And, he had never been a good father to his wife.

“He wasn’t a good father, but she’s working to build a relationship with him.” He explained.

He continued his story by saying, that there was a lot of tension in the relationship between his wife and her father.  Yet, she and Ed were doing the hard thing.  The thing that was fulfilling his wife’s heart-felt desire to establish and maintain a loving relationship with her father.  Ed went on to say that his wife had learned how to have bad familial relationships from her father and that had allowed her to first, develop a strong desire to build a happy, loving family.  Second, she was determined to use this experience-based-knowledge and desire to offer pure daughterly-love to her father throughout his remaining days.

“It is a case of heart over head.”  Ed said to me with a twinkle in his eye as he lifted his gaze to the overhead compartment above us to make sure I understood his dual meaning.

The first time I noticed Ed was when I was attempting to stuff my suit case in the overhead storage compartment above my seat.  He was snickering as he watched me try to fit a fifty-pound case in a spot made to fit twenty-five-pound bags.  His eyes were sparkling with glee.  I didn’t blame him!

I’ve had the same thoughts many times as I’ve watched others attempting to complete the same, silly, impossible task.  Yet, this time it wasn’t impossible.  I got it in there.  Now the plane had landed and I got up with trepidation.

“Good luck getting that out of there!”  Ed laughed.

“Thanks!”  I responded as I wrestled my bag out of the compartment.

I got it free, after an intense battle, and began to wheel it down the aisle, feeling good that I had accomplished the impossible, and knowing that Ed and his wife would also be successful in accomplishing their seemingly impossible mission.  

Because, they had allowed their hearts to reign supreme, ignoring conventional reasoning; living heart-over-head, they too would overcome the impossible.

“I’m sorry to take so long to get back to you.  I’ve just returned from spending a month-and-a-half with my mother in Florida.” - Tamala Stewart

Time Spent

“I’m sorry to take so long to get back to you.  I’ve just returned from spending a month-and-a-half with my mother in Florida because she was ill.” Tamala Stewart said mildly.

“How is your mother doing now?”  I asked.

Tamala responded tentatively, quietly, “She passed away.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that!  I know how difficult that is.”

Tamala told me that her mother had asked her not to make the lonely, two-day drive when she fell ill.  She was worried about her daughter’s safety on such a long drive.  So, Tamala didn’t tell her mother she was coming.  She just showed up at her doorstep after the lengthy drive.  That’s when she learned that driving there, was without a doubt, the right thing for her to do.

“When I spoke with my mother on the phone the illness wasn’t viewed as a big deal.  But, when I arrived she had received medical testing that told her that cancer had spread throughout her body and she had a little more than one month to live!”  Tamala explained.

As soon as her mother broke the news, Tamala made immediate preparations to stay in Florida with so she could be there with her mother.  She almost completely shuttered her business and she spent about forty-five days giving her mom her full attention.  Yet, when those pain filled days ended Tamala continued to fight a feeling that she should have been able to do more.  She should have been able to somehow restore her mother to full health.  After all, her mom seemed to be completely healthy with lots of energy up to the time she began to feel pain in her side.  

I could her the pain in her voice as she described her feelings.  So, I asked, “Do you think your time spent with your mother made a difference to her?”

“Yes!”  Tamala said.

“How would you be feeling now had you not followed your heart, drove to Florida and stayed to just be there with your mom?”  I paused.  “May I offer you another thought?”

Many people say they have no time to spend time with their loved ones.  Yet, all people have a choice of what they’re going to do with their time.  It often appears as if many making such a declaration of “not having the time” simply rush away after stating it.  It’s almost as if they are chasing a mythical clock.  One they can never catch!

“Is there a difference between time spent and time well spent?  I asked.  “Do you believe the time you spent with your mother was time well spent?

Tamala face was overshadowed by a pensive look that immediately crowded the other look, despair, off her face.  She knew that she’d be able to finally cherish the time she was able to spend with her mother.  To cherish those forty-five days!  After all, she had given her mother the greatest gift any person could give another; a knowledge of time well spent.

Our talk together was also time well spent.  Right after she had said, “I’m sorry to take so long to get back to you.  I’ve just returned from spending a month-and-a-half with my mother in Florida because she was ill.”   We talked.  We spent time.

We enjoyed time well spent knowing that everyone, will eventually have spent all of their time.

“It was an important afternoon!” – Lorraine Broderick

An Important Afternoon

“It was 1943.” Lorraine said.  “I remember thinking, why didn’t I have anybody?  When momma and daddy died in the car accident, I should have died too!”

Lorraine Broderick was talking about how we all look foolish at one time or another.  This was one such time for her.  It was one of those days when she was feeling alone and, well, blind because for some reason she had forgotten one important afternoon!  

“I remember stubbornly dwelling on the thought, that I didn’t I have anybody of significance in my life?”  Lorraine stopped, sort of reminisced vacantly, and then continued her story.  “At the moment of my deepest despair, a pivitol instant, I had another thought.  One that overtook that painful, stubborn one.” 

At the peak of her pain, this other thought opened the door for her to be released and travel psychologically.  In the blink of an eye she was back on a street near her childhood home in Hartford, Connecticut in 1943.  That was the day she met John Smith, a newspaper-stand attendant just down the road from where she lived.

“I bought a paper from him for a nickel.  He had tobacco juice on his lips.  But, I talked to him because he was so nice to me.  He told me all about selling papers.”  She reflected with tears welling up in her eyes.   “He said I was very nice.  He asked me my name and where I lived.  We talked about school and growing up.  And, just before we parted he told me I’d grow up one day to be a lovely person.  He was the nicest man I had ever known and I only knew him for one afternoon.”

The memory of her afternoon with John Smith, a man she’s only known for a few minutes, on one day, turned the path of Lorraine’s life many years later, when she needed it most.   

“John had more faith in me than anyone else!  For some reason I knew that, from the moment we met. And, we simply talked while I helped him sell papers for the afternoon.”  

Yet, as it turned out, it was an important afternoon for both of them.  Shortly after Lorraine’s life was changed by John for a second time, she found out that their afternoon together had also changed the path of John’s life.  

“An insurance adjustor knocked on my door in Los Angeles.  He had spent weeks trying to find me, so he could tell me how important I was to John!”  Lorraine recalled. “The adjustor told me that John had worked very hard for the rest of his days so he could give me everything he had when he passed away. His entire estate was $1,500.”

“It was 1943.” Lorraine said.  “I remember thinking, why didn’t I have anybody?  When momma and daddy died in the car accident, I should have died too!”

Lorraine Broderick was talking about how we all look foolish at one time or another and that one afternoon can have the power to change a life, forever.  This was one such time for her.  It was one of those days when she was feeling alone and, well, blind because for some reason she had forgotten about John Smith and their afternoon together!  

It was an afternoon when two people’s lives were forever changed.  Two were rescued.

It was an important afternoon!

“We started in one direction and as we moved forward we began to see another, more exciting opportunity!” - Simon Dunlop

Artificial Intelligence

Simon looked a little bleary-eyed.  He had flown forty-five hundred miles.  I recognized that jetlagged look.  I’ve seen it in the mirror many times over the years.  Yet, there was also another look visible in Simon’s otherwise twinkling eyes.  Those same eyes are a portal to a distinctive view of intuitive human intelligence.

Simon’s company, Instreamatic, is a Google-backed Artificial Intelligence (AI) company that helps brands, such as Google, listen to and understand consumer needs through advertising engagement.  They started their venture by building an extensive audio advertising network with an interactive voice AI component. Since then, they’ve gone on to build a powerful AI platform that understands unstructured and free-form user responses. It’s become the core of a new kind of intelligence tool.

New tool; combined with human intuition! 

While meeting with Simon on Wednesday, last, the enduring impression I kept having was his own humanistic tools.  I continually recognized his specific intuitive intelligence.  It caused me to have a little private chuckle as our conversation brought to mind a marquee sign, at a local church, once announcing “Not all of life’s answers can be found on Google.”  The story of Simon and his company provides plausible additional meaning to this statement and offers continued introspection for all to consider.

“Simon,” I said.  “What makes your company really stand out to me was something you said when we last talked.  Didn’t you tell me you started out building your intelligence product to be able to push specific products to people through voice interaction?  But, along the way you discovered something unexpected and much more meaningful?”

“Yes.”  He answered. “We started in one direction and as we moved forward we began to see another, more exciting opportunity!”

“That’s it!  I think you also said, along the way forward you were able to discover something that Google couldn’t see or anticipate?”

“Yes.”  He responded again.  “This put us in an interesting position because they’re one of our principal investors and we wanted to be sure we were providing them with the value they were looking for.  At the same time, we discovered something we believed would benefit them and our other investors much more than predicted.”

“I would characterize your discovery, use of your technology, as an opportunity to move forward from “market push” to “market-pull,” because it allows you to find what loyal customers have in common, what unhappy customers have in common and how this changes trends over time. Is that right?”

“I would say it allows us to quickly see commonalities, so our customers can provide people what they’re looking for.  This is different than working to sell their customers something they don’t really want or need.”  Simon concurred.

“Not all of life’s answers can be found on Google.”  I snickered internally again, as I looked across our shared table into the eyes of one exhibiting intuitive human intelligence.  Simon Dunlop’s eyes.

Simon looked a little bleary-eyed.  After all, he had just flown forty-five hundred miles.  I recognized that jetlagged look.  I’ve seen it in the mirror many times over the years.  Yet, there was also another look visible in Simon’s otherwise twinkling eyes.  Those same eyes are a portal to a distinctive view of the significance of intuitive human intelligence.

The kind of artificial intelligence that expresses unique, human value.

“She asked me if I was working and what my goals were.” – Darlene Jackson

Walking Forward

“She asked me if I was working and what my goals were.” Darlene Jackson said.

Darlene and James are moving to Florida.  They’re doing so because Darlene needs to be living in a warmer climate; one that stays temperate all year long.

“My doctors told me living in a climate that doesn’t get cold would help me.  I’ve really struggled ever since I flew down the stairs.”  She explained.

It was about four years ago when Darlene “flew without wings.”  She crashed hard on the fly-over stairs when she landed.  When she stilled at the bottom of those steps she had broken one collarbone, femurs in both of her legs and one arm.  She also had severe internal injuries.  It’s taken her all four years just to reach one goal.  Walk one half block without a walker, cane or other assistance.  She did it this week!

“I was on the phone talking with lady in Florida about the right place to live when she asked me about my profession and my goals.”  Darlene continued.  “She was a quite speechless when I told that my job was to work to get strong enough to walk, unaided, a half block!”

Then Darlene talked a little more about how flying over stairs has changed more about her than physical, bodily injuries; her steps forward, after landing on steps.

“I had been thinking about how to change my life a lot.  I was always busy.  Running hard.  Too hard!  I just couldn’t figure out how to make a change to slow down!”  Darlene elucidated.

Her “flight toward walking forward” is what made that change possible.

“I’ve struggled, sure, through all of the surgeries and pain.  There is no doubt about that!  But, I have to tell you, that one single flight, gave me the sought, life-changing answer I was looking for.”

Darlene’s three step answer.

Desire simplification.  Darlene was forced to focus on one supreme thought.  Heal enough to be able to walk a few steps, solo.  Her entire focus over the past four years has been all-consuming and consistent even while having to endure extreme pain.

Endure short term pain.  Darlene says that enduring pain has been much easier because of her clear, deep desire.  “Pure desire while walking toward a heart-felt purpose is the most effective pain relief I’ve ever experienced.”  She instils.

Live with simple purpose.  Darlene has discovered a distinct difference between superfluous purpose and yearning aspiration.  Such craving has made a difference for her in one specific direction.  Forward.  She’s content having selected to live through this single purpose, one-way-ticket.

“She asked me if I was working and what my goals were.” Darlene Jackson said as we began our conversation about walking forward.

Darlene and James are moving to Florida.  They’re doing so because Darlene needs to be living in a warmer climate; one that stays temperate all year long.  It’s just one more step in her yearning aspiration to walk forward.

“As soon as I left it dawned on me that she already lives with me.” – Ford Cragun

Already There

There are all kinds of bridges in this world.  I was on one of them yesterday in Columbus, Ohio.  It was the Main Street Bridge.

The Main Street Bridge was the site of the Columbus Fiery Foods Festival.  It’s a show case and tasting event for, mostly, hot sauces.  The day before walking that bridge I brought a couple of my own homemade hot sauces, Ghost Pepper and Fiery Smoked Habanero, as a gift to my daughter Annie.  That’s when she surprised me with her own gift; labels she designed and made for my sauces.  “Loose Nut Hot Sauces.”  

And, the next day we were off to the fiery bridge to taste hundreds of other offerings, savors and sights hoping for some inspiration for new Loose Nut tastes to enjoy.  That being said, perhaps I should have also said insights!

You see, I’d had lunch with my friend Ford Cragun the week before leaving for Columbus. It was another spicy affair since we were dining at Wright’s Barbeque on NE 3rd Street.  The food was great, as always, and the spicy flavors seemed to loosen Ford’s tongue a little too!  As we talked and ate he had a message flash across his telephone screen and then his face.  It was from one of his daughters.  The flashed messages shifted our conversation to another direction totally, as he recounted a related story.

“My wife and I were eating dinner in a Sandy restaurant when we noticed a young woman who seemed to need help.”  He said.  “I remember thinking at the time that this woman needed shelter.  Not just a roof over her head, but refuge; a place where she could find respite.”

It was just a feeling he had.  He didn’t know her or her circumstance directly, so he didn’t feel comfortable approaching a complete stranger to see if she needed help.  So, Ford and his wife left the eatery and got in their car to drive home.  They hadn’t driven far when he had a thought.

“As soon as I left it dawned on me that ‘she’ already lives with me.  She’s already there in my home.” Ford said, with tears in his eyes.

That was the moment he crossed a bridge toward a new relationship with his daughter!  With one brief dawning of understanding he learned something extraordinary.

“I learned then that I had been able to accept strangers.  But, I hadn’t been able to extend the same kind of unconditional love and compassion toward my own daughter!  It was as if this mental and emotional ‘dawning’ created an undiscovered bridge for me to cross; a new approach to help someone precious to me!”

There are all kinds of bridges in this world.  I was on one of them yesterday in Columbus, Ohio.  It was the Main Street Bridge where I was enjoying a fiery foods festival.  That Bridge was the site of the Columbus Annual Fiery Foods Festival.  It’s a show case and tasting event for, mostly, hot sauces.  The day before walking the bridge I brought a couple of my own homemade hot sauces, Ghost Pepper and Fiery Smoked Habanero, as a gift to my daughter Annie.  She surprised me with her own gift; labels she designed and made for them.  “Loose Nut Hot Sauces.”  

Just one week earlier, Ford introduced me to another kind of bridge, a relationship bridge. And, it seems as if, perhaps there’s a little loose nut in all of us.  After all, we all have fiery relationships with those we love at one time or another and there are lots of ways to bridge potential fissures with our loved ones.  

Just remember that in many cases, such bridges of understanding are already available right in our own homes.  Sometimes, they just need to dawn on us.

“Since my wife was diagnosed with cancer it has become easy for us to see who really cares about us.” – Jay Blackshear

Who Cares

Sometimes, keeping the home fires burning requires help from the outside, even when there is a wood burning stove inside.  I was inside such a home a couple of days ago.

I was walking with Jay Blackshear last Wednesday in his home, which is located high in remote mountains.  It was there, in the otherwise empty living room, I saw a wood and coal burning stove, most often used in Amish and Mennonite homes.  This dual-fuel home fire stove has the ability to keep an entire home warm using either type of fuel.  But it is this stove’s ability to automatically and slowly feed the fire with small amounts of low-sulphur coal that makes it an appliance of high value.  That’s because It eliminates the need to stoke the fire in the middle of the night, or when the residents are out for an extended period of time.  After all, everyone likes to enjoy warm refuge in a cozy home after they’ve been out in the cold!  But, Jay was about to teach me about different kinds of warmth; like friendship.

“We got back home yesterday at six a.m.” Jay said.  “Since my wife was diagnosed with cancer it has become easy for us to see who really cares about us.”

Jay and his wife, Christine had been in the emergency room for four of the last six nights!  I could see the fatigue in his eyes as he told me of how the medication provided by her doctors had caused her condition to worsen.

“I don’t blame them!”  He explained.  “They’re doing the best they can.”

I was glad to be there with him.  I mostly just listened to his heroic tale.  It was a story that began in Mexico where he was pastoring a church after leaving their home in Texas.  They had been there for two years before he came home one day to find his wife sobbing.  She was not feeling well!  So, they left the church they had built together and he brought her back to Texas, so they could be with family and friends.  It was there that they began trudging on her long road toward recovery.

Part of this path to recovery led them to the top of serene mountains.  The peace of the place made a difference for her health.  It made a difference for their family.  The medications she was on seemed to be making progress in battle.  Until, there was an unwelcome change.

When her physicians changed her medication, her body revolted.  She crashed into medical crisis.  They were fighting for her life, spending seemingly unending hours not able to stoke the fires supporting the comforting life of home.

“We thought the neighbors around us would demonstrate their care for us by offering encouragement.”  Jay said with pain laced with his vocalization.  “But the people we thought cared for us most never came!  It’s been mostly friends and family from a far.  We’ve also had people from the fringe of our lives, people we’ve recently met who’ve come to support us.”

It is this kind of friendly support, just lending a listening ear and being there to sit with them for a while that makes the difference.  Such kindness slowly, steadily feeds small amounts of love that keeps their home fires burning, while they haven’t the strength to keep them aglow alone.

“Just receiving a short call from a friend to check in with us makes all the difference!”  Jay emotionalized through his voice.

Sometimes, keeping the home fires burning requires help from the outside, even when there is a wood burning stove inside.  I was inside such a home a couple of days ago.

I was walking with Jay Blackshear last Wednesday in his home, which is located high in remote mountains.  It was there, in the otherwise empty living room, I saw a wood & coal burning stove and Jay.  We were keeping his home fires burning, together.

“Caden starts kindergarten on Monday, it’s a big milestone for all of us!” – Sam Baker

Relationship Art

“It’s a big milestone for all of us!”  Sam said as he excitedly shared that Caden, his oldest child, was going to be starting kindergarten on the coming Monday.

“Enjoy it!”  I said.

I wasn’t surprised to see that Sam, a Senior Merchandise Financial Planning Manager at the world’s larger retailer, was paying such attention to the small details of living.  Because, Sam is an attendant to the little things in business and life.  

During our talk this morning he shared his “Making Little Things Matter Tips; ways to focus on being a little more thoughtful every day.”

First. “Ask how people like to be communicated with.  I know it may sound as if it is a little over the top, but let me tell you a little story!” Sam went on to elucidate by telling the story of how when one of his friends would never respond to the voice mail messages he left, he finally asked for his friend’s preferred method of communication.  “My friend told me he communicates almost entirely through texting. When I made that simple shift, my frustration ended!”  Sam said.  “Making that small change allowed me to demonstrate my commitment to our relationship; that I was in it for the long haul.”

Second. Manage relationships with a long-term-view. “This means being in it for the other person.”  Sam explains.  “It means staying connected by showing genuine interest in what’s happening in other people’s lives. It means listening to them.”  

Third. “I keep practicing the art of having, predominantly, one-sided conversations in relationships.” Sam teaches.  “That means listening to other people at least ten times more than I talk.  I hope I’m becoming more of a ‘relationship artist’ by behaving like this in an intentional way.” 

Fourth. “Relationship Artists create a prearranged schedule of activities.”  Sam says. We have a family council on a preset day and time each week.  It lets all family members know what’s going on behind the scenes.  Everyone gets a turn to give an update.”  Sam went on to explain a discovered side benefit when he started this practice. “Doing so also lets everyone sacrifice for each other in a small way, because we all need to be flexible, to give-and-take around everyone’s schedule.”

Fifth. “Put your significant other’s important events in your calendar. Take time to comment on social media posts at least once each day. I’ve found that even just posting a ‘like’ makes the people I’m in relationship with feel special.  It’s a tangible way to show I’m engaged in their living.”

Finally. “Recognize and celebrate happy events and be there to support them during sad moments.”  Sam counsels.  “Just be there with them. There’s most often no need solve their problem or give them an unsolicited solution.  Just be there. I love the story of Job, in the Bible, because it describes about how his friends just sat with him for days, without talking, when everything in Job’s life was crashing!”  Acting in such a devoted way would be a landmark moment for any Relationship Artist.

So, as a Relationship Artist, Sam will just be there for Caden’s first day of kindergarten! 

“Caden starts kindergarten on Monday, it’s a big milestone for all of us!”   

“It saddens me that any of us need to be convinced to be gentle” – Phillip Snyder

Gentile Impression

“Ugh, I don’t want to talk about this one. Ok, here it goes.” Phillip Snyder said before diving in to an explanation.

He started with a growing-up-reminiscence of how his parents would sometimes watch reruns of shows they loved. “The Waltons” was one of their favorites. And, Phillip has had one scene from an episode he watched with his parents stick with him for nearly twenty years, hereafter.

In that well remembered television-show-scene, Ruth, a girl made recently blind by an accident, is in the middle of meeting the Walton family and makes observations about each person, in the Walton family, as she holds their hands. When she gets to Grandpa Walton, she holds one hand and carefully feels the callouses of his palm and comments that he must be a hard worker. Then, feeling the smoothness of the back of his hand, she said, “He must be a gentle and kind man.”

“A hard worker and a kind man!” Phillip exclaims as he fully expresses his heart-felt admiration for such traits.  “People should work hard at whatever work they engage in; and, perhaps more importantly, be gentle with and kind to all they come into contact with.”

“And yet,” He continues, “I wonder how true that is for many of us. I mean, speaking for myself, I spent the last two years during this pandemic doing far more complaining and criticizing than I did engaging in the work of being gentle and kind; feeding the needy, spending time with the sick, bringing encouragement to the depressed.”

Phillip then asked me what I thought my own hands would reveal to Ruth.  Would Ruth feel my hands as if they are the opposite of Grandpa Walton’s, or would they feel the same as his to her own gentle touch? 

Two days later, I found myself wondering about the importance of being gentle as I conversed with another friend. He told me he was intending to use his “talent for having a big mouth to confront his local city council.”

As soon as his words touched my ears, Phillip’s questions came into my heart again.

“Would we find ourselves so prone to criticism and rudeness if we had our hands to the plow? If we were working hard to build up the people around us, to share our possessions, to meet the needs of our community?  If our hands were attached to Grandpa Walton’s plow would we even find a moment for our hearts to harden and for harshness to come from our lips?”

So, in that same spirit, I made an invitation to my currently talking friend.  “You know, I think I have that same talent for speaking my mind.  And, for the first time in my life I’m beginning to receive insight into the value of being gentle and spreading gentleness.  Let’s see if you and I can find a certain rerun of ‘The Waltons,’ the episode where Ruth, a newly-eye-sightless girl, describes Grandpa Walton as a hard-working, gentle and kind man. Then, let’s watch it together. Let’s see if we can feel what Ruth felt.” 

“It saddens me that any of us need to be convinced to be gentle.” Phillip Snyder said again, to my heart, as soon as my invitation was offered.  “I hope Ruth would feel kindness on my hands.  I hope she would be touched by their gentle impression!”

Madison Austin repurposes prom dresses by redesigning & updating them before she gifts them to others.

Transformation Style

As soon as Madison Austin received her first sewing machine she began to dream.  And, work.  She was eight years old then.  That was also the same year she dreamed, designed and crafted her first prom dress.  That inaugural, full length dress was white and lacey; just like her smile.

“The whole process was a transformation for me!”  Madison (Maddy) says with a wistful look.

That longing-like expression didn’t last too long, as she changed back into the twenty-two-year old woman she is today, instantaneously.  She’s not that little girl any longer.  She’s a senior at the University of Arkansas and will start law school next year.  A lot has changed for her, but one thing hasn’t changed.  She still loves to create prom dresses, transformation style.

“She takes donated prom dresses that have been sitting in a closet somewhere and modernizes them.”  Her grandmother explained.  “Sometimes she’ll take two or three of them and fashion them into something fresh and wonderful!”

Once the transformation is complete Maddy gives them to a young woman who cannot afford to purchase such a dress.  Perhaps it would have been best to say that Maddy begins a transformation by redesigning the dresses.  The final transformation comes as she gifts her new creation.

“I love the whole process of transformation even more now!”  Maddy exclaims.  “When I see the beneficiary’s face change, as she opens her gift, it’s as if I’ve become part of something magical!”

That magic, Maddy describes, is spreading through others now as well.

“I’m going to donate makeup to these women.”  Her friend, Donna, chipped in as we were watching Maddy work as a model.  “And, we have a friend who is a hair artist who has just jumped into our little gig!”

 

No.  Madison isn’t that little girl anymore.  At least on the outside.  She has transformed herself, as well as many others beyond herself.  And, that’s a testament to strength of the real magic that powers genuine transformation.  It is so meaningful that it simply can’t be contained.

As soon as Madison Austin received her first sewing machine something transformational began to happen.  She was eight years old then.  That was also the same year she dreamed, designed and crafted her first prom dress.  That first full length dress was white and lacey; just like her smile.

“The whole process was a transformation for me!”  Maddy said with a wistful look, before she went to work her magic on the runway as a model.

And, her magic doesn’t stop there.  Hers is a powerful, genuine transformation, of such influence that it gifts transformation to others.  Many others.