The Comfort Paradox

A fluffy dog looking for comfort

The Comfort Paradox

I have some work to do on my laptop and it’s late in the day.  So, I begin to walk to the front of my house.  The living room is there.  It’s filled with big windows.  The view from there is serene.  Some times it helps to be in a calm environment when the work needing to be done is stressful.  That’s why I headed to such a place.  I just didn’t know I had been followed until I felt a couple of paws on my pant leg just before I sat down. 

I looked down just as I was taking a seat.  Little brown eyes, filled with need, swallowed up my heart.  It was our normally-bravado-packed Welsh Corgi, Merlin.  But, on this day his eyes told me he was in need of comfort.

He was offering me an invitation I couldn’t refuse.

“Come on up.”  I softly said while reaching down to give him a little lift. 

Merlin’s personality and outlook is bold, but kindly.  He’s an active, strong and athletic little dog who is rarely shy.  So, when he climbed right up on my chest it was obvious that he was in need of reassurance and safety.  We sat there together.

I petted.  He sidled up to me.  The day had jostled him with a change of pace.  We had houseguests and his normal routine had been interrupted.  I’d seen this character altering behavior before in Merlin under similar circumstances.  I understood what he needed.  Too bad you and I don’t always have a friend to recognize such patterns in our own lives.  But, we can learn big lessons from this little dog.

First, even though Merlin gets afraid from time to time, he doesn’t let it change his way of going about his life for very long.  On this day, I sat with him for about twenty minutes before he perked up and bounded off the side of my couch so he could chase a bird.  You and I can still enjoy the best part of our personality even though we have times when we feel out of sorts.

Second, Merlin knows where his place of safety is when he needs it.  I’ve laughed at him many times as I’ve watched him run into the house so he can aggressively bark and growl at an intruder from the safe side of a glass barrier.

Third, Merlin has taken the time to build relationships of trust. When he feels unsure of others, or of situations, he never hesitates to come to the people he trusts for comfort and protection.  He invests in people so they’ll be there for him when he needs them.

Finally, as I provided comfort to Merlin I could feel the stress from my own fears begin to be pushed aside with every stroke across his fur. Providing comfort to others is a process that paradoxically gives consolation to the comforter as well.

Sea Change

“What’s this?” – Hannah Gray

Sea Change

Hannah is a vibrant young girl with lots of energy and curiosity.  She also loves to dance and spends much of her after school and weekend time learning and practicing ballet.   So, I wasn’t surprised as she rushed past me and danced up the stairs, and up to the porch toward the front door of the home we would be entering.  When her feet finished their final leap and rested on the porch I watched as she came to an abrupt halt.

Her halt led to a “V” shaped bend with her arms reaching right down to the concrete.  Her fingers reached for something wrapped in plastic. Its bright colors showing through the protective cover had caught her attention.

“What’s this?”  She called out to her parents and me as she drew it closer to her eyes.

I could see a puzzled expression consuming her face as she examined the curious object.  It was clearly something she had ever encountered during her ten or so years of living.

“It’s a phone book!”  Her mother called out.

“What’s a phone book?”  Hannah shot back.

“You’ve never seen a phone book?”   Mom said with a little lilt.

“No!  What’s it for?”  Hannah asked in earnest.

“It’s so people can find phone numbers of those they want to call.”  Her dad Larry chimed in.

“What?  Why would anyone need that?  Why don’t they just use the internet?”  Hannah responded as she put the ancient relic back down.  She now knew it to be useless.

This was the second such incident I had encountered this week.  The other occurred when I tried to explain why telephone wires were stubbed to a lot, which was for sale, to another person who looked at me as if I had said the silliest thing she had ever heard.

“Why on earth would anyone need wires for a telephone?”  She asked with a laugh.

I had to laugh too!  Not because I thought the telephone wires to be silly though.  I laughed because I could see that while this person didn’t recognize one of the most common fixtures of my lifetime, I haven’t always recognized or acknowledged how our lives and world have changed.  So, I asked myself, “Are you taking time to see and appreciate how things have changed?”

The way we live our lives has under gone a “sea change.”  We live in an age of miracles and seemingly fail to appreciate the wonder of it all.  Yet, if you think about it for a moment you’ll see that it’s a mighty fine time to be alive!

Photos of my new grandson Landon, who lives in Arkansas, magically pop up on a picture frame in my family room in Utah!  I received photos of army vehicles at JFK International Airport this week shot from my daughter Jessi’s phone and sent in seconds to the palm of my hand.  And, I get to see Annie progress through her fencing classes on the Upper East Side through the magic of Face Time and emailed/text videos!  What marvelous things, wonders to behold!

Yes, our lives have under gone a sea change.  So, let’s not forget to see life’s wonders and appreciate them.  Seeing them for the miracles they are will cause us to feel better, more hopeful and awe inspired every day.

Working With Throwaways

“These kids have never had someone tell them “I love you” and really mean it before.”

- Gordy Nichol

Working With Throwaways

I’ve driven to Sun Valley, Idaho before.  Every time I’ve made the drive it has been long and hard.  Perhaps it’s because I’ve always thought that the four to five hour drive was time wasted as I’ve yearned to arrive.  That stretch of road seemingly turns into a never-ending treadmill rather than a means of transformation.

My recent trip on that same road opened my eyes to an alternative type of transformation as my friend Gordy Nichol used the time to teach me about the volunteering he and his wife Jackie do.

“Let me give you an example of our program’s success.”  Gordy said as he glanced over at me while sitting in his car’s passenger seat.

He then went on to tell me of a teenaged boy.  The boy had been held captive by the life he had been living as a gang member in an inner city neighborhood.  Gordy had begun to work with him through a six-week program designed to give such teenagers an alternative view of the world, to show them that they have a choice in their lives.

“Toward the end of his six weeks the boy came to me and said, ‘If I’m sent back to my neighborhood, the same friends and environment, I’ll never make it out.  I’ll end up going back to gang life and that will lead to my death.  I need the judge to give me an alternative.  What should I do?’  I said, write what you said to me down and give it to the judge so he can see that you’ve spent time thinking through your life and how you want to change it.”  Gordy replied.

He then went on to tell me that the boy did as he suggested and that the judge had said he had never seen anyone take the time to write down such a sincere and well thought out statement.  In the end, the judge sent him to live at the far end of the state, in a home where he became the first person in his family to earn a high school diploma and receive a scholarship to continue his studies in college.  His chosen path to a better life wouldn’t have been possible without caring volunteers showing and demonstrating another view and available passageway into a previously unknown world.

Another unknown for kids working with Gordy and associated volunteers is genuine love. 

“One girl we were working with was finishing the program and she said, ‘Gordy, I’m really going to miss you!’  I replied, I’m really going to miss you too because I love you.  That’s when she said; ‘Nobody’s ever said that to me and really meant it before!’ These kids have never had someone tell them “I love you” and really mean it before.”  Gordy said with a blaze in his eyes.

I looked through the windshield and saw Salt Lake City appear in front of me as if we had been driving at a blazing fast speed to get there.  I looked at the clock on the dashboard and saw that we hadn’t been speeding; it was just that Gordy’s stories of love and devotion had turned time I had viewed as a throwaway into something special. 

Perhaps each one of us could benefit from the same miracle in our own lives.  Volunteering to change the life of another person is always time turned into something special.

Filling Holes

Tractor marks on the side of the road

Filling Holes

Driving on a road never allows one to really see a traveled road or it’s sides.  So, there are many things we don’t often see any more.  That would be the case on my most traveled road if I didn’t walk on it a couple of times every day.  Because of my walks, I know the asphalt on my street and the sides of my road in detail.

When on one of my early morning walks, not more than two weeks ago, I saw my friend Marv Shafer out in front of his house working with his tractor.  The large metal scoop on the tractor’s front was raised high in the air so it didn’t obstruct his view as he mowed the tall spring grass that had consumed the horse trail surrounding our neighborhood.  It was a damp morning and I could smell the sweet scent of cut grass wafting all around my dogs and me as we passed.

Then, when the day’s events and sun had passed into history, I walked along the same road.  When I came to the front of Marv’s house again I recognized the beautifully sculpted trail grass.  But, there was also one other change new to my view, a small gash in a mound of dirt across the street.

I looked at the fresh cut dirt and noticed the scrapes making progressive grooves toward the gouged earth.  I could tell that the tractor’s scoop, once loftily displayed, had been lowered at that point.  It made me wonder.  What did Marv do with that shovel full of dirt?  My eyes darted and my mind wandered unconsciously seeking an answer.

That answer didn’t come until the next morning.  Merlin, our fluffy Welsh Corgi, stretched his long body forward while holding his haunches high in the air.  It was his signal that he was ready to have his leash clipped to his harness for walking.  There was a click of metal on metal.  He was ready.

Cricket heard the click and took a step toward me.  That was her ready signal.  I pulled the length of her leash and heard a second click.  We, all three, walked out into the cool morning across the grass and to the ribbon of asphalt that would once again lead us past the front of Marv’s home.

We walked up.  We walked back toward our home.  My mind was still seeking the dirt that had been scooped up and was rewarded when we were almost exactly opposite the gashed mound on the other side of the street.

There had been a small hole in the shoulder of the road.  I had noticed it many times. But, since we had been having rain quite often over the past few days I had taken active note of the water rushing into it.  I remembered thinking that the hole would soon become a problem, for the integrity of the road, if something wasn’t done to repair it.

I stopped at the site.  I looked at the freshly packed dirt.  I noticed the scraping of a tractor scoop and how the dirt had been carefully, and skillfully, packed to fill the road-deteriorating hole.  That’s where the dirt had gone!  While cutting the grass Marv, like me, had also noticed the hole in the shoulder of the road.  But, unlike me, Marv had noticed, solved and improved.

A third click!  It’s easy for you and me to notice problems and be critical.  Click! We all could be a little more like Marv.  It’s great to notice, but we could also provide a solution. 

If we could make that one small change in our lives we’d be making the streets we live on just a little better.  We’d be improving our towns and cities just that much more.  Then, by individuals adding one improvement after another, our nation and our world would have more holes filled and more lives enriched. 

Notice, solve and improve, three words that have the potential to fill lots of holes in our lives and the lives of those we live with.

A Black Swan Event

“No one could have predicted the future based on the foundation created.” – Tim Mossberger

A Black Swan Event

“When the foundation for the Internet was created, using TCIP, no one could have foreseen where we are today.”  Tim said as he conversed with me about the new root software he created.

I was sitting just across a conference table from Tim, the creator of ENT Technologies.  He was walking me through his new foundational software design. 

Tim said, “It will become the platform of the Internet’s next generation. The current foundation scan never provide necessary security.” 

Tim continued.  “The problem is that the architecture of today’s system was not designed to do what we’re using it for.  My new software is designed so that more connections actually make it more secure!”

“Thought-provoking.”  I said.  “I’ve noticed that security is largely taking one of two possible paths these days.  One path is to retract to the past and take everything offline.  But, you’ve blazed a second possible path forward, innovation.”

“Yes.”  He said.  “You can retract to the past or you can explore the future!”

We went on to talk about how life has changed.  Technology has allowed us to be more productive and flexible than ever before.  But, that flexibility has come with some costs.  When I was young I remember having conversations about having all sorts of free time because machines would be performing so much of our work.  Now we live in a variation of that, a future unforeseen.

Yes.  We have machines that do amazing things for us.  They work or facilitate so we can go forward doing more and more! For some, doing more has become a millstone; it has swallowed up leisure time.  And, that’s not all.

We can communicate with each other almost any time or any place.  Today’s ease of communication makes even the “Johnny Quest” futuristic cartoon of yesteryear seem antiquated and quaint at best!  But the cost is that of strangers being able to intrude into our cherished private lives with the stroke of a key.  Today’s world is certainly different that I thought it would be, some of it bad, but most of it miraculous.  

I looked across the table at Tim again.

“Two paths!”  I whispered to myself.

No.  I can’t predict the future.  Perhaps as I looked at Tim I was seeing and listening to the future.  But, one thing is certain.  When we approach our future with innovation as the root, we are creating wonders and marvels unknown today.  You and I can overcome today’s troubles and create miracles in our own lives by innovating as well. 

Tim discovered his breakthrough technology by examining the way people intuitively and naturally go about living and communicating.  In the end he created what one expert has described as a “Black Swan” event!