A Single Invitation

“How did you get him to come?” – Lynn Butterfield

A Single Invitation

The Monday before Christmas has become a time for me to get together with some of my neighbors to spend the evening singing and eating together in home of my friends Shelly and Brad.  It’s become one of my favorite nights of the year.  This year was no exception.

This time there was an exceptional person who came to our evening just one week ago.  I was grateful to see him, but was also surprised by his unusual attendance.  While we invite all in our neighborhood to come, we usually have 9 or 10 families participate.  So, to have one special guest come was a surprise to me.

I was so surprised that I pulled Shelly aside and said, “How did you get . . . to come?”

I’m not using the name of our guest here.  You probably don’t know him personally.  He is, however most likely just like someone else you know living in your own neighborhood.  He’s single and generally stays to himself.  Most of us have very little interaction with him for those reasons. 

It isn’t that we don’t like him or that he’s a bad person, he’s just single so most of the time he doesn’t feel as if he fits into our family centered activities.  So, he stays apart from us almost all the time.

Because he’s apart in many ways, my neighbors and I don’t really know what’s going on in his life.  Yes, we smile and wave to him in passing.  We would even describe him as being an integral part of our neighborhood.  But it just isn’t true.  He lives with us, alone.

“How did you get him to come?” I asked.

Shelly responded with a simple, “I invited him.”

“That’s so great!”  I responded.  “I’m glad he’s here!”

“Me too.” She said.

But that isn’t the whole story.  After all, we had written and delivered invitations just like we do every year.  So what was the difference this time?

The difference is that Brad and Shelly took the time, during one of the most hectic seasons, to personally go and visit our friend.  It was that personal, face-to-face, I’m here to show care for you visit that made the difference.  What could be more appropriate during the season of “good will?”

I sat in a cozy chair with my heart filled with good will in the home of Shelly and Brad, singing songs of comfort and joy.  I looked up to see our friend reading the words to the songs as we went along.  He was singing almost in silence, but he was there with us and that made all our hearts sing with a little more emotion and gratitude to have someone important to us gathered in.

There are people who live alone who are surrounded by us, not gathered in.  Can you imagine being surrounded and alone at the same time?  Brad and Shelly have shown us that when we imagine ourselves as more inclusive the result is heart warming and life changing. 

Change lives where you live by including the single people in your neighborhood.  They may be young or old.  They may simply be hoping for an invitation that hasn’t yet been offered.  Make them an offer and warm hearts no matter what the season.

A New View

“I’ve lived in New York all my life and have never seen it from this view!”

A New View

It felt as if we were standing on top of the world.  Lights were sparkling as far as we could see.  The amazing diamond spectacle surrounding us made braving winter’s cold wind worth the walk out onto the terrace to savor our special moment.

There are some special moments in life that will take your breath away.  These are life-changing times in every person’s life that deserve to be cherished.  I had one of those just this week.  My daughter Jessi got married in New York.

To celebrate this special event we had reception in a rooftop solarium on the South side of Central Park.  We enjoyed the company of friends and family with music and food.  We laughed, ate and got to know each other better.  But, when one of my daughter’s friends said, “I’ve lived in New York all my life and have never seen it from this view!” it really made me think.

It’s so easy to live life without looking for the extraordinary in our day-to-day lives.  Sometimes we walk through common, even presumably mundane events hundreds of times and fail to see a new view that can enlighten, enliven and enhance our souls. Our friend told me that she had walked past our reception place hundreds of times and had no idea that an extraordinary view existed just a few floors above.  “This solarium and terrace have the most spectacular view of the city I’ve ever seen!”  It is an enchanting place.  I wanted my daughter to remember it always. 

I once had a friend who said, “When I want to take a picture I simply look at what I want to remember and treasure it up in my heart.  That way I can go back there when ever I want.”

So, I walked up to my daughter and said, “Jessi, make sure you take Ren out on the terrace and savor this moment so it will last forever in your hearts.”

She took him by the hand and went out of the door to the terrace.  I watched as they shivered together and took in the view.  Their skin was cold, but their hearts were warm.  They took the time to treasure up their moment so it would be locked up within their memory.  It was that very moment that gave them a new view, a vision that transformed their night into a moment that will last a lifetime.

More Than a Mentor

“Cooperative Venturing”

More Than a Mentor

It’s great to have a mentor.  A mentor gives companionship and transfers valuable knowledge to the apprentice.  It is little wonder then, that wherever I look, persons and institutions are offering programs to mentor their clientele.

 It is true that one person can change the course of another and even that of an institution or of a nation or world.  We would call such persons leaders, people who can show a better way for others to follow.  But, true leadership is more than a mere statement of mentorship.

I’ve observed that perhaps the most important ingredient in mentoring goes beyond a declaration.  It must be rooted in selfless caring.  That’s because the most effective relationships are defined by love.  A person offering assistance for the purpose of personal gain will never be a true mentor or leader.  They are simply greedy people and greed will always fall short in the end. 

When the people, who are to be served, understand a selfish mentor’s motivation they will quickly flee to what they desire, a generous giver who hopes only to add value for the sake of sharing and creating.  And, true sharing can only come from a heart without duplicity.  How does such a thing come to pass?  It comes from the foundation of purpose.

Wayne Brown Institute was formed on a firm foundation with such a purpose, to improve the human condition by direct transfer of specialized knowledge with personal caring.  I have spent the last twenty-five years working with participating professionals and have documented their success.  I feel grateful to have spent almost half of my life with amazing people who have shaped me as an individual and have allowed me to be part of creating a more successful paradigm than that of individual mentoring.  We call it Cooperative Venturing™.

When I said it was great to have a mentor, I meant it.  But having more than one mentor is of greater benefit than having one mentor.  The reason is simple.  It is impossible for one person to have as much experience and knowledge as a combination of many doyens.  Can you imagine having such a group of uniquely skilled and long experienced experts all working in concert for your personal success without charge?

I sat at a table with four other Cooperative Venturers this week.  We were reviewing the results of a new component to Cooperative Venturing that was rolled out in the fall.  I looked around the room and felt my heart swell with gratitude for being able to learn at the feet of such people!  The results of our efforts were as we had hoped so we are making plans to put a framework in place for expanded success.

Expanded success will mean more high paying jobs for our community.  It means that our tax base will improve and that more wealth will flow into our homes than ever before.  But, most importantly, it means our best and brightest are giving themselves to future generations by instilling their knowledge and experience into a new generation of talented apprentices.

We are all apprentices.  I realize this more and more as I interact with Cooperative Venturers.  We all have the ability to receive.  We all have the ability to give.  Join us and become both a giver and receiver.  Become part of the Cooperative Venturing Network™. http://www.venturecapital.org

Free Wheeling

“The Exercise Wheel.”

Free Wheeling

A few years ago I was going through some difficult emotional trauma.  In short, I discovered that people around me were not conforming to my belief of how they should act.  My response was to completely disassociate myself from them.  As it turned out, doing this caused people close to me to go through unnecessary pain due to my unilateral decisions.  I completely disrupted the lives of my loved ones. 

It was four years before I was willing to admit my mistake and begin to repair the damage I had caused.  I thought that reflecting and repairing had allowed me to grow a great deal on a personal basis.

However, over the past three or four months I’ve been faced with a very similar situation.  I’ve been thrashed around emotionally and on Wednesday last, everything came to a crescendo.  My emotions were running at full steam ahead.  I was starting to relive my mistake of the past.

By Friday I had a thought that pierced through my turmoil.  “I’ve been here before.”  I said to myself.  “Am I going to be a slave to my poor behavior or have I truly learned my lesson?”

To be honest, I’m still struggling with this lesson.  I’d love to say that I’ve learned my lesson and have moved forward, but that isn’t exactly correct.  My insides are still roiling around as I work to come to terms with myself.  At least I’ve recognized that I am on an exercise wheel!  That’s some progress.  But, my task is to break free of this particular wheel so I’ll never have to be on it again.

I know now that there are other wheels I’m unconsciously living on as well.  So, I’m actively looking around for the other wheels I’m driving.  I’m sure they’re obvious to the people I live with, but they aren’t so recognizable to me.  Now that I’m looking for them they’ll begin to appear one by one in a never-ending succession!  I am excited to begin to move forward toward new breakthroughs.

The thing is, you and I can never have true breakthroughs if we’re stuck on our same old exercise wheels! Knowing that you’re trapped in a cage is the first step toward freedom.  Knowing that you have the ability to break free is the second critical step toward true enlightenment.  I’m just discovering this path toward freedom.

True freedom isn’t something inherited.  It’s something to be discovered and earned on an individual basis.  One enlightened, free, person can change the world in remarkable ways.  A group of enlightened people can completely remake our world.  Let’s start by moving past our own exercise wheels.  Let’s go free wheeling!

You're Window Inside

“We’re just starting the process.” – Gary Jackson

Your Window Inside

I got an email from my friend Gary asking me to call him.  It had been a while since we had talked so I was excited to give him a call.  When I was able to speak with him he said something important.  “We’re just starting the process.”

“I’m not worried about my time.” I replied.  “It’s important for you to take the time to fully complete your internal process.  You guys always make good decisions!”

When we finished our conversation, I thought to myself, “I wonder how many people know they have a personal process for decision making?”

I think it took me more than thirty-five years before I even began to figure out that I had my own personal process.  But once began to recognize it, I began to pay attention to what was happening with my struggling insides.  The first thing I discovered was the amount of time it took for me to become comfortable.

In working with other people, I’ve noticed that almost everyone begins their internal process long before they know it.  It generally starts with a kind of restless searching.  They don’t know what they’re looking for.  All they know is that they’re “looking for something.”  Knowing that your internal process begins one or two years before you’re ready to make an important decision will help reduce stressful, “I’ve been worried about this forever!” feelings you’ve faced before.  It will also give you comfort, knowing you can trust yourself to go the distance.

When you know you can trust your internal process to help you make great decisions, they become much easier.  Don’t get me wrong.  There is still plenty of work to do.  But, it becomes familiar territory for you.  A good example of this is when you return home after a trip.

I flew back to Salt Lake City about two weeks ago.  When I looked out of the airplane window to see the towering snowcapped mountains cutting into the azure blue sky, a comfortable easing overtook my whole being.  I still had work to do, disembark the plane, ride the shuttle to my car and drive home, but all of that seemed inconsequential compared to the peace I was feeling.  It’s the same kind of thing once you’ve discovered your own internal process and you know you’re on track.

We can all see our own process if we simply look through our window inside.  Use your internal window to look into your past to discover what your personal process is.  Then look for your landmarks to ensure you can see where you are in the process.  When you can see where you are, everything else will seem inconsequential because you’ll be on familiar ground and will know your way home.

Dangerously Good

“I always thought it strange that the people who were there to protect us killed and wounded us for doing the right thing!” –Isam

Dangerously Good

“You’re not going to smoke, are you?” I asked, with a little snicker.

“Why did you ask me that?” The driver replied, in an Eastern European accent I couldn’t quite place.

“Because of the sign on your dash board.” I Retorted.

“Oh!” He said with a sparkle in his eye.  “No.  I won’t smoke. Smoking isn’t good for you.  Neither is marijuana.” He continued.

I listened quietly at his change in our conversation, sensing the light tone was about to shift.

“Before I came to this country I was a policeman in Bosnia.  We found a three-hundred-acre marijuana field and burned it.  It made the international peace keeping force so mad they began to shell us!”

The shelling killed two of his fellow police officers.  He was wounded an still has at least three pieces of shrapnel in right leg and at least one in his back.

“I always thought it strange that the people who were there to protect us killed and wounded us for doing the right thing!  I guess they just couldn’t live without their drugs.”  He said.

When we arrived at the hotel, I watched as Isam got out and walked around to the side of the long white van and slid my door open.  I watched the way he moved because of his revelation.  But, I also marveled at the man himself.

As he slid the door to his left, he said, “I love it here!  I’ve been in this country since two thousand.  I was lucky to be able to come to this beautiful city.  Most people here seem to try to do the right thing.  But, when I see laws changing in some places to let bad things become legal I worry.  I don’t want this place to become like my old country.  I am thankful to be here.”

I got out of the van and thanked him for his service.  He smiled as he limped away.

“Have a happy Thanksgiving!”  He called after me.

“Happy Thanksgiving!” I replied back, realizing that I too have a lot to be thankful for.  After all, I’ve never had people shooting missiles at me as I was doing the right thing.

Still, I’ve sometimes found it hard to do the right thing on occasion.  But, Isam’s life story reminded me that doing the right thing is important even when it’s dangerous and puts lives in seemingly in peril.  Living a life based on principle has never been more important.

Leave Your Corral

Tepid steps toward a greener pasture.

Leave Your Corral

First there was the stretching of the neck.  Then, I could hear a little snorting.  One front hoof took a small, timid step forward.  I knew he wanted to change his circumstance.  It was obvious the green grass, just through the open gate, was tempting him.  At the same time, I could see the gears turning in his head.

“If I stay here I know I’m going to be fed on a regular basis!”

“What if I can’t get back here, where I know I’ll be fed?”

“Is the grass over there as good as it looks?”

Do these questions seem familiar to you?  They are familiar to the steers I raise and they’re intriguing to me because I’ve spent a lifetime battling these same questions.  Right now, in the fall season, I’m reminded of this internal battle because it is a time for preparation.

As the temperatures plummet, the grass in my pasture goes dormant.  That means I need to shift my steers from the pasture to the corral where I can feed them hay.  It’s a place where they can stand around to eat and not destroy the pasture that will sustain them through the spring, summer and early fall.  It doesn’t take them long to understand that if they just hang around in this location, lots of food will automatically be delivered to them twice each day.  Still, I leave the gate open so they have room to roam and graze on the vestiges of the summer’s bounty.

But, roaming and grazing almost immediately lose their appeal when ease, comfort and a full stomach are the rewards of stasis.  Immobility comes with a cost though.  While they get seemingly everything they need by just showing up, I’ve noticed that their hearts become greedy and the joy they feel by romping and chomping in the field disappears and turns cold with the season.

Being out in the broader world does indeed have its dangers.  The unknown scares both cows and humans.  But, it shouldn’t stop you and me from stretching our necks a little.  It shouldn’t stop us from sniffing and snorting to see if the air in a little different circumstance is better than where we are today.  Taking short steps toward a happier and more joyous life is the mark of a leader.

One steer stretches his neck through the open gate.  He sniffs and snorts.  Then, one hoof takes a tentative step into the broader, greener pasture.  He walks through!  The others are soon to follow.  They begin to roam.  They begin to romp.  They begin to chomp.  Joy pulses through their whole being!

You and I were created to live a life of joy.  Being a leader means that you open the gate and blaze a trail toward joy for others who will follow you.

Shared Emotion

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“It was one thing to be kept safe from the harm of violence during the war, but everyone was hungry.  There was little to no food!”- Rachel Burk at Maggie’s Veteran’s Solute Concert

Shared Emotion

The lights went low and Maggie Burke’s young orchestra began to play on stage in soft, beguiling tones.  For the first time in my life I was completely mesmerized by music!  The enchanting tune seemed some how familiar to me, but I couldn’t place it.

Then, after about one minute, its familiarity began to tug ever so gently in my heart and mind.  As it turns out I knew this tune well and have know it my whole life.  This arrangement was different and pleasing.  I have never experienced anything like it before.  Gratitude filled my heart for the performers playing and for my friends Rachel and Tony Burke for inviting my daughter Annie and me.  It was the beginning of an experience I can only describe as shared emotion.

The author of this shared emotion took actual newsreels and letters from World War II and combined them in a multimedia combined live performance to allow the audience to understand that the war was not just a story.  It was the life experience of real people.  But its effect went well beyond performance to me.

During the intermission I talked with Tony and Rachel and made the comment that I was struck with how thin everyone was in the newsreels.  Rachel said, “It was one thing to be kept safe from the harm of violence during the war, but everyone was hungry.  There was little to no food!”  She then explained that her family had been hidden away in the Vatican for their personal safety.  “At the ending of the war they were some of the lucky ones who received an invitation to enter the United States.”

They traveled to the USA on a military vessel and received their first real food in over four years.  It wasn’t really a lot, but it was overwhelming to them as they ate and then lost it all since their bodies were no longer able to tolerate a regular meal!

“They had to eat sparingly the entire voyage to America!”  Rachel explained.

Rachel’s shared story intensified the collective emotion after the intermission.  The audience was still.  The presentation was punctuated with sniffles and applause from the audience. And, at its end, everyone in the auditorium rose as one body in a standing recognition of what was accomplished by those who triumphed in war, spirit and presentation.

“I’m glad it ended!”  Annie said.  “I don’t think I could have endured the intense emotions one more moment!”

It wasn’t that she didn’t love the performance.  She did!  It was just that we had shared the emotion with more than the sublime orchestra.  We had shared the deepest kind of emotion possible, a linking of generations.  We saw much of what they saw.  We felt much of what they felt.  We were overcome by their triumph and our inability to repay the good we have received from their hands.

Bravery

“I have chemo scheduled for the morning, but I’ll be there in the afternoon.” –Clint Robertson

Bravery

“We have a presentation that would benefit you tomorrow beginning at three in the afternoon.”  I said

“I have chemo scheduled for the morning, but I’ll be there in the afternoon.” Clint replied.

I looked across the table at him with wondering eyes.  I hadn’t known Clint for very long, but he always has a positive outlook and a pleasant air about him.  He could tell I had a question coming so he volunteered more information.

“I have a chemo treatment in the morning, but I don’t start to get sick until the next morning unless I try to eat.  So, I’m pretty sure I can make it.  I’m really looking forward to it.”  He explained.

I was sympathetic in a way that only those of us who have had a battle with cancer can be.  As Clint unwaveringly spoke to me, I watched as his stature grew and grew before my eyes.

“I wish you well!” I said.  “I will do anything I can to help you.”

The next afternoon arrived and so did Clint.  I greeted him and asked if he was all right to be there.

“I’m doing well.” He said.  “I just won’t eat any food.

Everyone around him was eating, watching and getting to know the others in our meeting.  He was doing the same, except for the food part.  The other people, not knowing Clint, had no idea he had fire running through his veins at that very moment.  He had no idea that he had just become my new characterization of bravery.

I knew the next day would be his worst.  I called him in the afternoon just to see how things were going.  He didn’t answer.  I left a voice mail message along with a prayer for him in my heart. 

My prayer was answered soon. Not long after my call an email popped up on my screen telling me he was doing well enough and thanking me for fitting a call to him into my busy schedule.  He was also preparing for our meeting the next day.

We met the next afternoon with some other colleagues in a Cooperative Venturing session to work on his business.  It was only then that I found out how he hard he had worked, while so desperately ill, the day before and through the current day.

The thought of the current day had new meaning for me as I listened to Clint speak to our group.  He was facing the current day and every day as if they really mattered.  I could tell how much each day mattered to him by the way he bravely faced up to every challenge that came his way.

“I couldn’t live with myself if I did it any other way.”  He explained to me when I posited a question to him.

Are you and I answering life’s challenges with such bravery?