Silver Linings

The silvery tree discovered on an early November morning.

Silver Linings

The dim light of early morning was interrupted by the silvery frame of an almost leafless tree standing alone in the center of a green-space island.  Its bright-white-outline captured my sight immediately.  But, the striking color of the trunk and branches weren’t what kept my interest riveted there.

My eyes followed the arching curve of the tree’s life-story telling, gnarly branches.  “This tree has been through a lot!”  I thought as I studied its unique, illuminous shape.  “Yet, it maintains a striking stature and color.  It depicts the living of life focused on silver linings.”

Its silvery color causes it stand out from the trees in the small forest just across the road.  At one time there were also likely other trees surrounding this iconic tree.  That was before the business park, in which it now lives, was constructed.  Those other trees as all gone, but this one was deemed special, different from the others.  So, it was preserved, I imagine.  It is a piece of living art.

The art of living is something I think about a lot.  Because, a human life, like the life of a tree can take all types of twists and turns.  And, the way a person perceives his or her own storyline is what yields the possibility of turning the commonplace into something of striking beauty or ugliness. It is a comparative story of how one chooses between artfully living a life filled with silver linings, or living a dreary existence as though sentenced to a life filled with sadness and despair.  It is a decision of branching and trajectory.

The measure of a full tree, just like one’s life, can’t be wholly viewed by looking at one single branch.  It must be taken in, whole.  That’s not always easy when life gets busy and you lose your focus on who you want to be.  To do so one must take the time to step out of the current circumstance, once in a while, and complete the exercise of viewing one’s life in its entirety; as if it is a story being acted out in front of an observer.  If done, you and I will be able to see things in a whole new light.

One friend, now a retired attorney, told me that once he completed this rehearsal of individual storytelling, he could see that even the hard times he had faced during his life had turned out to be valuable, exceptional, focused periods of growth.  “I had never thought of my trials as being really great experiences before.  Now I view them as silver linings in my life!  I can see them as opportunities which created beautiful, gnarly branches of character that have given my life added interest and reward.”  He added with a sparkle in his eyes that seemed to make his entire countenance glow.

As he spoke to me, just two hours after I discovered the silvery tree, I could see that his inner glow was all the more visible because of his decision to allow the dead leaves of his past, potential distractions, to fall away.  I could see his strong trunk and gnarled, artfully curving branches spreading out, on full silvery-display, as a result.

My early morning errand had been punctuated by the silvery frame of an almost leafless tree standing alone in the center of a green-space island.  Its bright-white-outline captured my sight immediately and pushed the dim of early morning’s light to illumination though its majestic glow.  But, the striking color of the trunk and branches weren’t what kept my interest riveted there.

My eyes followed the arching curve of the tree’s life-storytelling-trunk and gnarly branches.  “This tree has been through a lot!”  I thought as I studied its unique, illuminous shape.  “Yet, it exhibits a striking stature and color.  It depicts the living of life focused on silver linings.”  Just like my friend’s echoed rehearsal of his own experience.

Both, the tree and the man, resonated a tale of how the hard times you and I will surely face during our lives will turn into valuable, exceptional, focused periods of growth if we will choose to view them through a view trained on seeing the accompanying silver linings!

In the Mirror

“Find a safe place and give yourself permission to heal.” – Christine Hanson

In the Mirror

“I was there!”  Christine Hanson explained.  “When I looked in my own mirror I no longer recognized myself.”

That reflective moment was when Christine knew she had to do something different.  But, she knew she needed to do more than simply change the outward expression of her life.  She needed to rediscover who she was.  The real her.

“I needed to find that person I was on the inside again!  Not Christine the business owner.  Not Christine the boss.  Not even the version of Christine as a daughter or friend.  I needed to reconnect with myself deeply.”

So, she asked herself two questions.  First.  Do I need to do something different?  Second.  What will allow me to feel like me again?  Her answer to these two questions was really the beginning of a four-month journey outside of the mirror.

“Answering the first question was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done!  After all, I had to walk into my business, the one I created, and tell everyone there, who depended on me, that I was leaving!  I knew there were far more people who would be affected by my decision to leave the mirror behind than those directly in my employ.  They all had loved ones who depended on them.  It was important for me to move forward carefully, in a nondestructive way!”

That’s why she met privately with her personal assistant.  They talked and worked together to set up a solid plan to ensure they could keep the business operating successfully without having the founder anywhere in sight.  Not just off site, but completely absent for the coming months.

“I’ll never forget the look on my assistant’s face as I told her that I was leaving to ride a motorcycle across South America for the next four months!”

With the initial shock behind them, Christine and her assistant completed their planning phase.  Then Christine cut the cord, so to speak.  She handed her assistant her cell phone and her keys, gave her a heartfelt thank you and climbed on her motorcycle to hit the open road.

Paving the way for her journey was key.  She had to be willing to adjust her life so she could become free to explore. After that, her plan was to simply ride.  No daily schedule.  No list of things to do.  No phone.  No email.  No communication with her life back in the “mirror of the real world.”

“I had to give myself permission to disconnect!”  Christine explains.  “Disconnecting allowed me to understand that you cannot give what you don’t have!”

She was running on empty; on the inside.  The intention of her adventure was simple.

Heal.

Christine realized that she could only heal from the inside out and that in order to stay healthy after her trip she would need to change habits that hadn’t been serving her own best interest.  Here are two new important habits of healing she discovered through her journey and is now vigilant about keeping in place.

Focus on your surroundings.  

1. Make sure to surround yourself with joy.

2. Select friends who are a reflection of who you are. 

3. Stay focused on what really matters to you. 

4. Know that where you are today, this very moment, is just fine.  

5. Enjoy the ride!

Love who you are.

1. Give yourself recognition for doing the best you can do.

2. Allow for flexibility in every aspect of your life.

3. Be “life-wise” by living in the present and having a short memory.

4. Find a safe place and give yourself permission to heal.

“Before instituting these two habits of healing I was there!”  Christine Hanson said.  “When I looked in my own mirror I no longer recognized myself.”

Who’s reflection are you and I seeing in the mirror today?

Defy Gravity

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” – Sydney J. Harris

Defy Gravity

The received photo was of a beautiful scene.  It was also a description of regret and promise.

Regret because it was a solid reminder that summer was over.  The season had turned to fall.  Yellow, gold and green foliage burst beneath an azure blue sky with a double dose of color.  Double because the colors also reflected off of the water which lapped near the roots of the showy trees.  Some leaves were drifting from lofty heights toward the ground and water below as if to speak as a hint.  While the season was still solidly in the middle of fall, winter was surely coming soon and there was a tinge of regret for things undone during the summer.

It had been a wonderful summer.  Yet, the scene captured in the photo brought to mind a quote from Sydney J. Harris.  “Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”

The enjoyment of summer’s pleasure was at an end to be sure.  Outdoor swimming pools were now closed.  Romantic sidewalk cafes were no longer offered as a rendezvous place with loved ones.  And, picnics spread under tall trees on the comfort of green grass are now at pause.  Of course, you and I enjoyed these activities, but never enough.  Hence, inconsolability.  And, the bright, colorful leaves floating on the crisp air were also speaking of promise.

Holly Mabery, who was speaking to me just yesterday of eating the frogs of life first, also spoke of such promise as my mind was floating between the photo’s images of fall foliage and our conversation about how to change one’s relationship to gravity.  “We don’t rise to the level of our goals, but fall to the level of our habits.”  She said.

Habits, like the changing seasons most often continue with hardly a thought.  Still, there are some common reminders to remind us that one isn’t necessarily bound to them as if by gravitational force.  New Year’s resolutions are one seemingly universal example.  Of such, Holly paused in her speaking, just before she asked me an important question.

“Why wait for a specific moment to make a change?  You have the power to make the change in this moment.”

We are what we repeatedly do.  Our lives are but a collection of our own repetitively.  So, how do we live a life filled with less regret?  How do you and I exit the gravitational pull of wrote, reactionary living?  We simply choose to defy gravity.

Defying gravity could also be characterized as living life with our desired ending in mind.  And, just like there are seasonal stages, there are distinct stages in defying gravity.

Master. Mentor. Make a difference.

First, master the art of caring for people.  Putting people first is the greatest attribute of leadership. This is demonstrated by showing others that you want them to succeed as much as you want to succeed yourself.

Second, mentor others, where ever you are.  Actively reach out to the people you live and work with. Make a point of passing what you’ve learned personally and professionally on to them.

Third, make a difference by creating a thoughtful legacy plan.  Ask yourself, “How do I want to be remembered?”  Then, go out every day and create new habits, habits that will accumulate to create the person you’ve dreamt of becoming.

The dreamy photo I received electronically was of a beautiful fall scene; one to be remembered for sure.  It was also a vision of regret and promise.

Regret because it was a solid reminder that summer was over.  The season had turned to fall.  Yellow, gold and green foliage burst beneath an azure blue sky with a double dose of color.  Double because the colors also reflected off of the water which lapped near the roots of the showy trees.  Gravity was causing some leaves to drift from lofty heights toward the ground and water below as if to speak as a hint.  While the season was still solidly in the middle of fall, winter was surely coming soon and there was a tinge of regret for things undone during the summer.  And, just like there are seasonal stages, there are distinct stages in defying gravity.

Master, Mentor. Make a difference.  Defy gravity!

Billows

“I wanted to give you an update, but I am actually going to make it detailed because there is no way you could dream up and write this story!” – Dan Nichols

 

Billows

There are times in life when a person is tested and stressed to the extreme.  It happens to every one of us at one time or another.  It’s a time when the billows, used as part of life’s refining process, are blowing seemingly insurmountable problems, continually.  This just happens to be one of those exceptional times for Dan.  Here’s part of his story.  A story about the refining process he’s been experiencing over the past 10 days.

“My mom calls me at 4:30 a.m. letting me know she has called 911, as my dad says he can’t breathe. I rush to their home which is 8 miles away and take him to the ER. After most of the day he is admitted to ICU and spends the next 8 days, mostly in ICU dealing with some kind of infection in his lungs. As you all know, my mom is on hospice and unable to walk. We have help for her in the mornings from hospice and then an aid, that we pay for, during the day until 3 p.m. This means I need to balance dealing with him in the hospital and my mom’s needs at their home in the afternoons, evenings and night. I am used to doing a lot of this already, but normally I only need to be there between 6 – 9 p.m. to help with dinner and get her to bed.”  Dan starts. 

Dan’s feelings are the most recognizable part, as he starts his story; more than his circumstances.  That’s because his expressed feelings are just like yours and mine.  After all, who hasn’t been faced with times when they feel “like too little butter spread over too much toast?”  And, while the causes and situations of human tests and stresses vary, you and I can relate to Dan’s current circumstance and see how it sheds light on how such trials can enhance us, as if we’re jointly going through a refining process; the proverbial “refining pot” as described in many ancient texts.

As he continues, one can almost hear the refiner’s-billows, as if they’re blowing his story forward and breathing it deep into the human chest.

“After a few days, my dad is discharged from the hospital.  I pick him up, but he’s still weak and his legs are clearly getting weaker. I get him home in the late afternoon and get him settled in a chair. Then, I get my mom settled for the night and head home for the first time in over a week. Not long after arriving at my home I get a call from my dad at 10 p.m.  He says that he’s struggling to breathe, so I head back over to his house. I get him in bed and comfortable after a while, then I head back home at about 11:30 p.m. and try and settle myself in for the night.  At 1:45 a.m. my cell rings and it is my dad again; he has fallen and is tangled in his walker and can’t even get to a sitting position. So, I rush over and help untangle him from the walker and then drag him a little so I can get him into a better position on the floor. That’s when I call the paramedics so they can help me get him up from the floor (my back is so bad from trying to help lift the two of them over the years that I can’t do much to help anymore).”

Dan’s voice continues to act as billows to guide more reminders into the heart.  It delivers another prompt.  Extreme heat separates embedded impurities from what is precious. It allows impurities to be removed.  It makes the precious more valuable.

“This is refining Dan!”  Is the message billowed forward, as he continued his story.  “His heart is becoming more purified through this experience!”

“The next day, Dad is pretty out of it, so I come over to help with mom, before I head over to the University so I can go to a much-anticipated football game.  I’m enjoying the game right up to halftime, about 10 p.m. That’s when I get a call from my mom that dad has fallen again and is on the floor in the hall, bleeding!”  Dan says.

The refining billows are saying, wise people recognize, that just like crisis and opportunity, stress and growth are interdependent. Avoid one and you miss the other.

Another gust pushes through the refining-bellows whispering more of Dan’s seemingly “bad” news.

“The bad news?” I think, “is you can’t always control the timing, intensity or duration of personal external stressors. Stuff happens! Often without much warning.” Dan says as if adding illustration to his story.  “The best you can do is to stay prepared and approach adversity with realism and resolve.  That means confronting the brutal facts and then going to work.”

“The good news?”  Dan says as he pushes forward with the telling of his story, “Is that you and I can make controlled-use of difficult life experiences.  We just have to understand the refining process and what it does for us!”  

Here’s how Dan is getting through his personalized refining experience.

Dan knows who he really is.  His core value and motivation are centered in love.  So, even when he doesn’t think he can take it anymore, he can keep going.  Because knowing who he really is, where he’s headed and what’s important in his life has given him clarity. Even when the smoke blown from refining-billows has become thick and confounding.

Dan’s clarity motivates consistency and persistent action, while navigating the inevitable ups downs he’s facing as a result of his mom and dad’s age and health issues.  His clarity, based on his core value of love, keeps him on track when exhaustion, distractions and temptations could otherwise threaten to derail him.

There are times in life when a person is tested and stressed to the extreme.  It happens to every one of us at one time or another.  It’s a time when the refining-billows, used as part of life’s purifying process, are blowing seemingly insurmountable problems continually.  This just happens to be one of those times for Dan Nichols.

It’s also a time when his goodness is being drawn out, so it can come to the surface.  His impurities are being pushed aside.  

Now, he has a more purified heart.  A heart that’s being refined into pure gold.

Colors

The Sprain Brook Parkway Fall Colors

Colors

Bright colors.  Red, gold, yellow and still some green were like eye candy in every direction.  There were even punctuations of water, crossed by artfully designed bridges.  They seemed to act as picture frames for the bright, orange sunset just to the west, while driving south on the Sprain Brook Parkway toward New York City.  It was all the perfect color pallet to validate the end of one day’s event and the beginning of new relationships.

The colorful display confirmed the feeling that the different colors radiating from a variety of trees create much more pleasure for the eye than summer’s more monotone greenery.  Just as the coming together of two different families had done during the day’s earlier wedding which was enveloped by nature’s colorful display.  Both the wedding and nature were a varied display of differences and similarities.

The differences between the two families seemed to be as vast as the surrounding forest at first.  The languages were different, the national origins were not the same and the cultures disparate.  Other observers, passing by on their Saturday outings, out to enjoy nature’s magnificent colors, may have been as fascinated by the two differing groups of wedding revelers, gathered under a large pavilion in Franklin D. Roosevelt State Park, as they were by the glowing leaves they’d come to experience.  If that was the case, it would have been the result of the brevity of their observation.  After all, reaching the apex of colorful foliage takes time; patience and seasonal progression.  Such was the human dynamic during this late October wedding and celebration.

As the bride and groom stood next to a flower-laced arbor, headed by an officiator, there was a dynamic separation.  The groom’s guests stood on one side and the bride’s guests stood on the other.  Both sets of eyes expressed uncertainty.

It was a natural insecurity of the unknown. A recognition of dissimilarity.  Even with the obvious certainty of purpose and similarities of all attending the event.  Both of which were clarified upon the conclusion of both spoken and emotional vows composed by the man and woman newly wed.  It was a truly a new beginning.  The beginning of the melding of people as part of a greater kaleidoscope so fittingly expressed by the beauty of differing fall colors, welcoming all into the perfect Thanksgiving-portrait-like view-scape surrounding them.

The desire to capture the moment, to become joined with it, began in earnest with an explosion of applause and joyous verbal expression.  The photographer then activated further work of inclusion as attendees were formed into fresh, assimilated groups, posing as one for the very first time.  Then, they all enjoyed food and drink in unison.  They even danced around the youth of the moment, which was commenced by an uninhibited five-year-old boy who took it upon himself to boost the music’s volume, to match the vivid color, and dance with abandon.  

Soon, people who didn’t share the same first language or culture began to imitate the boy’s imaginative and unrehearsed dance moves. It all produced bright smiles on every face.  It was a combination that led to warm embraces, a universal gesture of love, of as a sign of complete unification; the completion of a new, broader and more colorful portrait of thanksgiving.

The most beautiful thanksgiving pictures integrate the use of differing color. Bright colors.  Reds, golds, yellows and still some greens to provide variety for the eye.  They even contain punctuations of water, crossed by artfully designed bridges which act as picture frames for bright, orange sunsets posing in the western sky.  Perfect, varied pallets validate the end of one season as well as the beginning of new relationships between different peoples becoming one through offered love, understanding and of course, enhanced color.