“Sometimes we think there is so much bad happening in the world we don’t think doing a small amount of good will make a difference. But, it does!” – Eliseo Medina

Leap

Once in a while you meet people that make you want to be better. Today I met such people. They’re named Eliseo, Chelsea and Ramona Medina.

Sometimes such people aren’t conspicuous, until you look deeper. It can be like looking at one of those dot-to-dot puzzles, before you connect the numbers with lines. It takes a while before you begin to get the whole picture. That’s what it’s like when meeting the Medina’s.

Eliseo and his wife Chelsea own Medina’s Tri Tip Company, a small, nondescript eatery. In fact, thousands of people drive past it without notice. Yet, once you meet the Medinas and taste their food, your vision of this little operation changes instantly.

“My mom, Ramona, moved us here ten years ago.” Eliseo said.

His mother was willing to move across the country, to a place where she had no work lined up, and didn’t know anyone just to change Eliseo’s life. She knew Eliseo needed a change of place, people and environment.

“I was getting into trouble constantly. The environment made it impossible for me to live the kind of life my mother hoped for me.” He explained.

Ramona wanted to live with people who shared her own core values. Gladly, their move facilitated the change Ramona yearned for.

“It hasn’t always been easy for us. In fact, recently my wife and I came to a cross roads where we didn’t know how to best provide for our family. Then, I thought of my mom and her wonderful food. So, I said to Chelsea, let’s open a restaurant, use my mom’s recipes and bring our family’s homemade taste here.”

They did. It was the second huge leap of faith in Eliseo’s life. Little did they know that the third leap was just ahead for them.

When COVID arrived, their customers started telling them that they couldn’t come in because they weren’t working. In fact, they didn’t have money to buy groceries either. So, the Medina’s began to give food to people in need.

“It was a hard time, because our own business was so far off.” Eliseo said.

Eliseo knew they needed to increase their own income so they could help more. So, he developed a new beef jerky business using their restaurant kitchen.

“Now, we have a new kitchen across the way from our restaurant. It’s solely dedicated to making beef jerky while growing our revenue, just as we’d hoped.” Eliseo said of their growing business and philanthropy.

Today, Christmas gifts were flowing out of the restaurant door, carried and delivered by local firefighters who had themselves volunteered to help. 

“Sometimes we think there is so much bad happening in the world we don’t think doing a small amount of good will make a difference. But, it does!” Eliseo said.

Will leap with the Medinas?

“Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion.” – Michael Jordan

Newly Curious

“I wonder where this emotion is coming from?” Tien Lin said to himself.

Then he felt an uncomfortable gurgling in his lower abdomen. It was that all too familiar unhappy gut feeling. He’d had it as long as he could remember. And apparently, he’d had it his whole life, even before he could remember. His mother, God rest her soul, told him about her struggles to have him keep, even the blandest food inside and digesting.

“I wonder where this gurgling gut is coming from?” He asked, as a follow up question.

That’s when he remembered the conversation he’s had with his counselor Dave earlier that day.

“When you feel this physical manifestation make sure to go to your curiosity,” Dave had said. “The physical symptom is in set membership with an emotion.”

“STOP!” Tien cried out, just as Deepak Chopra had taught him. 

Then, he broke the letters apart and rehearsed the acronym steps he’s been given by Deepak.f

S is for stop. He remembered.

“Yes. I need to stop right now, at the moment I recognize that set membership with my body and emotion,” Tien recited to himself.

T. Take three deep breaths. “Deepak, said it will shift my mind to the four questions,” Tien breathed as the words echoed inside his head.

O. Observe your breath. So, Tien took the time to observe what was happening in his heart, mind and body.

P. Proceed with awareness and compassion.

Dave’s words, again, danced through Tien’s now calmed thoughts. “Treat yourself with compassion,” Dave had reminded him. After all, sometimes the holiday season isn’t always joyous for everyone.

Some of us spend the entire holiday season grieving and yearning for a return to what we consider to be “normal life,” so we can start to find meaning and purpose once again.

“What are those four questions of curiosity?” Tien asked himself. “Oh, yes: Who am I? What do I want? What is my purpose? What am I grateful for?”

These are questions of curiosity. They are the questions you could ask yourself every morning. They are, I wonder questions.

After all, sometimes the wonder of the holiday season leaves many to wonder differently.

“Why am I alone?”

“When will I find love?”

“Will I ever feel happy again?”

If you’re asking yourself such questions, let your curiosity offer you hope.  Remember to STOP every morning and ask yourself the four questions of curiosity.

Have you begun to wonder? Then, think about what Michael Jordan once said, “Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion.”

Let your new year begin, curiously.

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” – Maya Angelou

Keys to the Sleigh

It was early in the afternoon, on an early in December day. The Christmas decorations were everywhere. The atmosphere was festive. Perhaps most importantly, Santa was there. We weren’t there just to see Santa, but he was the main event for my grandkids for sure. You’ve been there too, I’m sure.

The kids line up to take their turn. Once their turn arrives, each child, often tentatively, walks the last few steps to the man dressed in red and white. Some are shy and some are open and talkative. The parents and grandparents mostly stand in the background, with hope painted on their faces. They hope for continued belief in Santa.

There are some who have lost their belief. And, that’s a sad thing. It’s a sad because rather than believing in the truth Santa, they have traded that truth for myth. Yet, the truth of Santa is, perhaps best expressed by Mya Angelou who said, “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” 

And, during this particular visit with Santa, he shared six additional keys which create the successful magic of his sleigh.

Santa, lives and works in the moment. Just watch Santa as he works, surrounded by kids. He focuses on each child individually, completely absorbed in each moment with each person. Sure, there is commotion all around, but he is never distracted by any of it. And, it leads each child to feel special and loved right up to the time his public time is over.

Santa, taps into restorative resilience. Santa doesn’t continually live in public. He makes sure to go home, after spending time with the kids, where he enjoys companionship from his spouse, eats delicious cookies and drinks cocoa to warm his heart. This naturally reduces his stress and allows him to thrive even during his busiest and most demanding time of the year.

Santa, manages his energy. Santa doesn’t continually engage in exhausting thoughts and emotions. He’s learned to manage his stamina by remaining calm and centered. It allows him to save his precious mental energy for tasks where he needs it most. Like listening to and caring for all the kids he comes into contact with.

Santa, does nothing, regularly. Santa doesn’t spend all of his time being intently focused on his work. He makes time for idleness, fun and irrelevant interests. This time gives him the ability to be continually creative and come up with breakthrough ideas.

Santa, is good to himself. Instead of always focusing only on his strengths and being self-critical, Santa understands that his brain is built to learn new things. Can you believe the range of new gifts he comes up with each year as a result?

Santa, shows compassion to others. Perhaps, Santa’s greatest strength is his ability to focus on others and maintain his supportive relationship with others over a lifetime. At least he’s done so for you year after year. After all, you believe in him, don’t you?

If you do, or don’t, accept these six magical sleigh keys as a gift from Santa. Use his keys! And, dramatically increase your joy personally, as well as in others. Just like Santa.

Watch my latest episode of American Dream TV

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“Our acts of compassion uplift others and make them happy. We may not know it, but by uplifting others we are also helping ourselves.” – Emma Seppala

Chain Reaction

I was sitting in her kitchen. She was standing and talking. When suddenly, her breath became halted.

“He’s just dealing with his demons,” she said while explaining why her husband, of more than twenty years, was away from their family. “I know he’ll figure it out. He’s back where we went to high school and is visiting as many people as he can. He was supposed to come back a week ago. Now I don’t know when he’ll be coming back.”

She took one very deep breath and then she shut her eyes, squeezing them, in their shut position, in an effort to stop the inevitable tears. He breath halted two or three more times as she continued to squeeze her eyes shut.

“It’s just that; he’s the love of my life,” she blurted, as if a hiccup.

Then, she turned tightly and walked out of the room. She had lost control of her the once held-back-tears. I simply watched, listened, waited and thought about what I’d been learning.

I contemplation what Emma Seppala has been teaching me about how compassion is often confused with empathy. Because it seemed to fit in this circumstance. Dr. Seppala says that empathy is the process related to experiencing another person’s feelings. It’s like automatically mirroring another person’s emotion, yet that was not what I saw as my friend teared up at the thought of her husband’s sadness, because It’s not identical to compassion. 

Compassion often happens as you notice another person’s suffering and it involves a genuine desire to help alleviate that suffering. That’s what my friend was experiencing, as demonstrated by her halted breath and hiccup-laden-tears. She wanted to help her loved one in some way. And, this desire walked back into the kitchen with her seconds later.

“He’ll work it all out. It will just take him some time. But, I know he’ll get there. He’s really a good person,” she explained.

Her kindness likely reminds you of how one act of goodness has the ability to produce more generosity in a chain reaction of goodness. You may have seen a news report about how such a chain reaction occurred after someone paid for the diners who come after them at a restaurant, or for drivers behind them at a tollbooth. It’s natural for people to keep generous behavior going. Acts of compassion uplift others and make the giver happy as well. And, my friend was immediately uplifted because of the compassion she was offering to her husband. 

“You may not know it, but by uplifting others we are also helping ourselves,” Dr. Seppala explains. Happiness spreads! if the people around you are happy, you become happier.

I was still sitting on a chair in my friend’s kitchen. She walked back toward me. Her breathing had changed. It had become soft, calm and healing, because of her expressed compassion.

Let the chain reaction of goodness begin!

Two Strangers. Two offers of kindness

Cotton Club

It was to be a Thanksgiving adventure. And, it was. Yet it turned out to be a little different, a little unexpected, and soft as cotton while the evening rolled up and down rail tracks toward dinner and back home.  You see, on the day before Thanksgiving we decided to head up-town on the local “1” train to 125th Street, so we could have a family dinner at Dinosaur Barbeque in Harlem.

As soon as the train stopped at 125th Street we walked out onto the platform and our gaze was immediately struck by the Christmas lights and decorations gracing 125th Street. It made the damp-dark evening bright and the walk west toward Dinosaur Barbeque just that much more hopeful. The lights also radiated off the side of the historic Cotton Club, until it’s glowing exterior seemed to welcome all passing this way, including the four of us.

The greetings offered by the lighted decorations and glowing Cotton Club seemed to be especially wonderful on this particular evening. Perhaps it was because it was Lachlan’s, our newest grandson, first pre-Thanksgiving-adventure. And, even though the weather was drizzling a little, he was held fast and warm, wrapped in his mother’s chest, right up to the time we were drenched in convivial smells of delicious food which enveloped all of our senses as we soaked in the atmosphere and filled our tummies. It seemed to be all we could ask for such an anticipated occasion. Yet, there was more, unanticipated warmth to come.

It continued as Lachlan was gathered up into his wrap and hat in preparation to walk out into the now, more steadily-falling rain, for the stroll east on 125th Street toward the train platform and home. Even then, the Cotton Club’s glow was hardly dimmed as we passed its beaconing presence. It gave us the encouragement needed to pass through the rain and once again board the train, as Lachlan’s eyes drooped.

Upon entering the crowded coach there was not one seat to be found. Until one, unassuming, young woman instantly and quietly stood to offer her seat to my damp daughter and her sleeping lad. There was no question in her eyes and no hesitation in her rise. So, gratefully, my packaged family sat in comfort, until we disembarked at the 96th Street platform pass through the turnstile and walk the final two-blocks home.

No sooner had we four passed through the turnstile when we heard, “excuse me. Excuse me.”

We turned toward the unfamiliar voice to see a man of age leaning over the turnstile, through which he had just passed, offering an umbrella from his left hand.

“Do you have an umbrella to protect your baby from the rain?” He asked as he caught our eyes.

Warmth again drenched my heart as we, in unison, answered, “we have a hat for him, thank you!”

It was a pre-Thanksgiving adventure wrapped in the softness of human kindness, an Incorporeal Cotton Club, giftwrapped the evening as we glided down the final blocks outside, toward home.  You see, on the day before Thanksgiving we decided to head up-town on the local “1” train to 125th Street, so we could have a family dinner at Dinosaur Barbeque, and we were wrapped in the caring softness two strangers, two offers of kindness, members of a Cotton Club.

“The biggest question I had as a child was, ‘how would I leave my mark on the world?’” – A monument

The Biggest Question

“When I was young we lived in a camp trailer without water or a restroom,” my friend Crystal Shelley said over the phone as I slid into my car.

She didn’t say that to complain. After all, she and her family enjoy an exceptional life. Yet, her point was that such has not always been her experience.

“My father has owned several businesses over the years,” she continued. “There were times when his businesses did well and there were times when they struggled.”

She remembers Christmas celebrations at home when they didn’t receive any gifts. It was because her father made sure all of his employees were paid and received their annual holiday bonuses. She said she didn’t mind those occasions because she knew her father was doing all he could do to love and care for them. Then, she spoke of the joy they had during a time when their business was very successful.

“We were overjoyed when my father took us to our new dream home. We had an amazing life there until the economy collapsed. Then, I watched my father cry as he locked the front door of that house as we all walked away, sorrowing at our loss.”

Yet, while discouraged, her father never gave up. He continued to work to provide for his family. And, a few years later he discovered an opportunity to purchase a business he had experience in. He seized the opportunity and moved his family to the other end of the state and started over. Now they were celebrating another ending.

“He just sold his business!” She said gleefully. “He’s going to retire now. Well, he says he is, but I know he’s going to be starting a small, part time business, just to keep doing what he loves. This time he’s doing it because he wants to, not because he needs to.”

She went on to tell me how proud she is of her father and mother and how she cried tears of joy on the day he called to tell her he had successfully sold his business. 

“I have the best parents in the world,” she confided.

She communicated this tribute just after I had left a meeting at a children’s shelter and had accepted her call, upon sliding into my car, while parked in the shelter’s parking lot. On the way back to my car I walked past a monument which was prominently displayed near the building’s entrance. The words on display read, “The biggest question I had as a child was, ‘how would I leave my mark on the world?’”

I sat and stared at those words as Crystal delighted me with her story. And, I marveled at the telling, because it was a verbal confirmation of the steel monument within my gaze. How can you and I answer childhood’s biggest question and leave our mark on the world? 

Crystal’s answer: Love those around you, never quit trying and celebrate, with gratitude, at your good fortune when it arrives.

Watch a current segment of my television show on American Dream TV:

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“No one else on this earth can do that for me.”- Stacie Mountain

Garden of Roses

Stacie stood near the front of the room. She’s not physically commanding, but something distinguishes her. It’s noticeable, even at a glance. That glance is merely an introduction.

When Stacie began to speak it was as if she whirled a lasso to fill the room and then began to draw it, along with everyone else, in.

“As a very young girl, and well into my 20’s, I honestly bordered on hatred of myself; hatred of how I looked, hatred of my body, hatred of how I acted, hatred of how I showed up in this world. I was constantly trying to obtain ‘something’ that was always out of my reach, whether it was a number on the scale or people pleasing. I wasn’t happy. I needed more,” she said.

Then she dug deeper.

“One of my early memories is that of being scooped up by my mother in the middle of the night. Our house was on fire! Once outside, away from the flames, my mother kept me wrapped in a blanket and held me, saying ‘everything will turn out fine.’ But, it didn’t.”

Not only did her step-brother burn their home down, he would chase her around the house with scissors. There was no stability in her family life, even after her family soon shrunk to just two again. This made her unsure of herself and led her to marry early; to another person unfamiliar with a stable, loving family. Not surprisingly, not long into this marriage, she abandoned it and soon found the bottom of her self-esteem. 

She took a long, deep breath, exhaled and continued her monologue, “My life has been a long, arduous process spanning nearly four decades, but I can honestly say I have learned to stop hating myself, and I’m learning how to replace it with love and compassion for myself. Now I see a one-of-a-kind, perfectly imperfect masterpiece, me.”

Stacie went on to say that she, “knows her story is nothing out of the ordinary. I could find you thousands, or even millions, of examples of people who, like me, have learned to love themselves over time.” 

So, why is she willing to share her story?  It’s because of the perspective she’s acquired while going through her years-long journey.

“We need to love ourselves, right now, no matter our flaws!” 

Stacie likens life’s journey toward self-love to tending a garden of roses, “it is up to each person to cultivate beauty from within.” 

“No one else on this earth can do that for me. So, I will choose to do things that are good for my body, my health, and my soul. I will feed each of them, and watch them flourish and create the beautiful woman I am destined to be,” she admonished. 

Stacie still stood at the front of the room. She’s not physically commanding, but something distinguishes her. It’s noticeable, as is her message. It’s possible to love and care for yourself, while, at the same time, improving yourself, as if tending a garden of roses.

Watch a current segment of my television show on American Dream TV:

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“However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at.”

- Stephen Hawking

Glimmers

It was turning into a bright morning. I stepped out of my car, which was now at the top of a downtown, multi-story parking terrace. Up to this point of the morning, though I was on top of the terrace, I was feeling down and unsuccessful. Nothing seemed to be going well. Not one thing; until a dawning occurred as a result of taking one more step. I say, “a dawning.” Yet there were two different dawning events that were about to happening.

It was the first dawning that caught my eye, my attention, as I stepped away from my car. I was the only person standing on top of the grand cement slab holding me and my car. And, it could have been a lonely moment, the height of feeling a failure. Yet, that’s not the feeling that grasp my chest, as if an explosion of light hit it from the inside out, a glimmer.

The sun was rising over the Wasatch Mountain Range and its light struck, first, my eye and then enlightened my entire being. So, I walked away from my car, toward the light. Then, I stood facing the glory of the sun, at the concrete barrier, on the edge of the terrace to appreciate it, to take it all in.

That’s when I received a new dawning message. “This is freely given to all!” 

Now I call all such events, “glimmers.”  And, they can come to you and me in many forms.

The most impactful type will depend on the person seeing it. But, here’s the thing. There are more glimmers available than one can initially imagine. I didn’t realize that until I received, accepted and integrated that one, memorable glimmer event. That was the introduction.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to see and acknowledge all freely offered glimmers, but the second discovery of that singular event is that seeing more of them is an acquired skill. To receive an increasing number of them you have to attuned to looking for them. And, passively seeing them from time-to-time is not the same as seeking them. 

Stephen Hawking, the great theoretical physicist, cosmologist, and author who, at the time of his death, was director of research at the Centre for Theoretical Cosmology at the University of Cambridge once said, “However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at.”

Successful, appreciation and integration of inspirational-renewal from glimmers, comes one step at a time by deciding to seek them daily.

The day was turning into a bright morning. I stepped out of my car, which was now at the top of a downtown, multi-story parking terrace. Up to this point of the morning, though I was on top of the terrace, I was feeling down and unsuccessful. Nothing seemed to be going well. Not one thing; until a dawning occurred as a result of taking one more step. I say, “a dawning.” Yet there were two different dawning events that were about to happening.

It was the first dawning that caught my eye, my attention, as I stepped away from my car. I was the only person standing on top of the grand cement slab holding me and my car. And, it could have been a lonely moment, the height of feeling a failure. Yet, that’s not the feeling that grasp my chest, as if an explosion of light hit it from the inside out, a glimmer.

Actively look for glimmers. They’re there for you.

Watch a new segment of my television show on American Dream TV:

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“Don’t you give Pam and John a ride almost every week?” – Sam Baker

Respite

“Don’t you give Pam and John a ride almost every week?” Sam said as he looked at our friend Trent Gubler.

“Often.” Trent responded, in his quiet sheepish manner.

It made me think. And, the more I thought about, it I realized Sam was right. Trent was spending a lot of his time giving Pam and John a ride for many of reasons. At that moment, I felt a little ashamed, because I had been pretending, as almost everyone else, that Pam and John were living just like the rest of us.

Then one day I was driving on Medical Drive in the middle of the day and I saw John walking along the side of the road, on the bike trail there. I thought, “perhaps I should offer John a ride?” But that was all I did. I thought about it.

Maybe it was because such a thought made me feel uncomfortable. The more I thought about it, that was only part of it. It wasn’t all of it. The truth is, I didn’t want to become responsible to take care of John and his mother, Pam, on a regular basis. Just like Trent was. And, I began to think of everything Trent was doing.

He was running his large dental practice, was in the middle of raising four very active children and was designing and building his new office building. He’s going to be moving his practice to that building as soon as it’s finished. And, I knew some of the extracurricular activities his kids are involved in; musical theater, soccer and choir. He has more moving pieces to deal with in his personal life than I do right now. I decided to help.

A tipping point came within the next week when I saw Trent, John and Pam together again. I stiffened by back and walked up to Trent, put my arm around him and in a quiet voice asked, “Trent, may I take John and Pam home when we’re finished here?”

He responded immediately, “that would help me a lot! I have a choir function with my family and I was wondering what to do.”

A few minutes later I gathered John and Pam, helped them into my car and drove them home. They live in two different places. 

I dropped Pam off in her care facility. Then I drove John a couple of miles further to drop him in the parking lot of a national-chain-Italian-eatery. He pointed to a corner of the parking lot and said, “this is good. I live under the freeway overpass right over there.” Then he pointed toward the heavy underbrush and the trial leading down a slope.

I wondered why they were so sleepy and tired earlier in the day. Now I knew why! They needed respite. They needed respite much more than I had imagined. And, knowing this, witnessing it first hand, gave me a renewed commitment to being more generous and helpful to them. It’s the least I can do. Giving them a ride now and then is a small thing to me.

During our next ride together John said, “I have all I need. I have a place to sleep and some food to eat. And, a ride from you.”

Respite.

Watch a new segment of my television show on American Dream TV:

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"Little do they know that the hidden treat, the treasured treat, is that I get to be here to buy them something today!”

Hidden Treat

The sun had slipped behind the Oquirrh Mountains. It was now past evening and into the night, Friday night. I thought the day had come to a close. I was wrong, as indicated by a flash on my phone.

“Can I call you?” the message strobed.

Rather than taking the time to respond with my fingers, I answered the urgency with a return call.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“As you know, we’re in the process of moving out. My attending friends and I smelled a strong smell of gas and we all began to feel unwell,” My client said anxiously. “When we smelled gas, I called Dominion Energy.”

As a result, the emergency team at Dominion Energy responded quickly. They walked into the house and asked everyone to leave. It was unsafe for anyone to be there, as gas fumes permeated the entire house.

“I shut off the gas. We’ll let the house air out overnight. Then, you can have a professional contractor come to evaluate the problem and repair it,” the lead inspector said as he handed the owner of the property his report.

The report detailed all gas line-fed appliances, while identifying the flex-feed line which provides natural gas to the furnace as having the leak. I knew this because my Client took a photo of the report and sent it to me with a message.

“Dominion Energy asked me to tell you about this immediately,” her note said. “What should I do? I don’t have any money to pay someone to make the necessary repair because of the expense of moving my family.”

So, I contacted a local HVAC company first thing in the morning and made arrangements for them to go to the house to evaluate and repair. And, by noon they had made the home safe again. What could have been a devastating event for this family was remedied. Yet, there is significance beyond the surface of this story.

On this particular Friday night, all of the children of the family were tucked safely in beds in their new home. They had helped move all that day and were exhausted, as was their mother. They didn’t even know of the danger filling their newly empty home.

“Had we been at home, under normal circumstances, we would have all been sleeping and may have never noticed the gas leak before it was too late! Thank goodness we had a hard day so we could be spared!”

Their mother went on to tell me how difficult the move had been for her children.

“They just couldn’t understand why they were having to uproot their lives. Now I know that the real reason was so we could all live. I told them I’d give them a treat for helping with the move. I’m at the store with them now, letting them choose their treat. Little do they know that the hidden treat, the treasured treat, is that we get to be here, together, to buy them something promised today!”

Watch the latest segment of my show on American Dream TV:

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"I just want to end this by saying most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. Even if there seems to be no hope, keep on fighting." - Rudy Noorlander

A Home for Choco

“My husband was called out to mow a property and discovered that this sweet boy, named Choco was left behind, tied to a tree in the backyard,” Niki Ragland said, while reaching out to friends and colleagues.

It appeared as if the owners of the house, who had just sold, where Niki’s husband found Choco fastened to a tree, simply moved out of the house and left this loving, old dog there. The mowing crew didn’t now what happened for sure, so they stopped their work to contact the people living on all sides of the yard they were sprucing up.

“We learned from the neighbors that he is at least 14 years old,” Niki continued.

But, they didn’t stop there. Niki, her husband and the rest of their landscaping crew began to speak with everyone they knew in an effort to care for this still smiling dog.

“I can’t take him, I have 2 German Shepherds that don’t really play well with others. I really, really don’t want to have to call animal control, Choco doesn’t deserve to live his last years in a cage at the animal shelter. PLEASE help me find somewhere he can be loved and well taken care of!”

This campaign for Choco’s new home lasted only one day before Niki provided everyone with good news.

“We did find Choco a wonderful home. 2 kids, a huge yard and a golden retriever to keep him company. Thank you so much to everyone who reached out!! This made me so upset! But I am super grateful that we were able to give his story a happy ending!”

Another happy ending recently unfolded for Rudy Noorlander, a survivor of a grizzly bear attack in Montana a few weeks ago. Rudy was speaking about his own experience during an interview with media, "I just want to end this by saying most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. Even if there seems to be no hope, keep on fighting." Rudy’s words could easily extend to Choco, as well as any one finding themselves in a position of hopelessness and dependence on the goodwill of others.

And, just as in Rudy’s case, where he was flown from Montana to The University of Utah Hospital to have his lower jaw reconstructed and replaced by skilled and caring strangers, Choco’s happy ending could only have happened as a result of good and compassionate people, working to create healing and happiness for someone dependent on the kindness of strangers; strangers willing to bring someone in need back home.

After all, “Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.”

Watch the promo for my upcoming show on American Dream TV:

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Harry Pupper’s Pining Door.

Pining Door

“Your dog is pining for you at the door,” Sue said to me over the phone.

Such words seemed to ease my loneliness at being away from home at first. Yet, the more I thought about them, the more they made me wonder. After all, Harry Pupper wasn’t home alone. He was there with another loved one. And, it was late into that night when I walked through Harry’s “pining door.”

As soon as I walked through that lonely door Harry Pupper perked right up.  His stubby tail was furiously stirring the air and he made one of his patented push-off-jumps up onto my leg. It’s one of his ways of welcoming me home. He is a faithful friend to be sure.

Yet, there was a thought acting as an anvil on my heart. “Is there a difference between being a faithful friend and not allowing oneself to enjoy the association of surrounding loved ones, when one or more are away?” So, for the rest of that arrival night and the next day I watched Harry Pupper to acquire additional insight. 

Harry’s eyes followed me as I lifted my suitcase onto the bed in our primary suite, in begin my ritual unpacking process. He lay near me as I unzipped the case and began to unload packed items, based on relocating them back to their rightful spots.

Once sorted, I took one stack with me to the closet. Harry followed me there. He relaxed himself on the floor as I carefully hung shirts and pants. He stayed in that same position as I sorted the soiled laundry and placed it into respective bins. When I left the closet, he followed me into the bathroom.

Once I began to return toiletries to the vanity, he resumed his resting position not far away. He stayed that way until I left that room, later, after following me to diverse household locations, he returned with me to the bedroom as soon as I said, “it’s time for bed.”

When we got up in the morning to actively pursue the new day, he laid on his under-my-desk cushion as I started my workday. He stayed there with me through the morning. He was relaxed and seemingly fulfilled. Then something changed. Sue, my wife, left the house.

As soon as Sue left the house, Harry resumed his post at his pining door, where he reposed through the afternoon until she returned. He was there for hours. And, I remembered Sue’s words, electronically transferred into my ear, just one day and a half, earlier.

“Your dog is pining for you at the door,” she had said to me over the phone.

Such words seemed to ease my loneliness at being away from home at first. Yet, the more I thought about them, the more they made me wonder. After all, Harry Pupper wasn’t home alone. He was there with another loved one. And, it was late into the next day when Sue walked through Harry’s “pining door,” after being out for most of the afternoon. All that while He could have been receiving consideration from surrounding love. That’s when something important dawned on me.

A person doesn’t feel lonely, until they focus on love they aren’t receiving. So, perhaps we should, all of us, center our thoughts and hearts more fully on the love presently encircling us, rather than on our own pining doors?

Watch the promo for my upcoming show on American Dream TV:

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“There are some things you just can’t rush. All things happen according to right-timing.” – Chef Steven Brooks

Patient-Time

“I’m going to spend time with my family now,” Chef Brooks said. “My son just got out of the hospital and my wife and I are making sure to be with him as he heals.”

When Chef Brooks agreed to come to the Northwest Arkansas LGPA Championship to give me a culinary tour of Bite NWA, I had no idea his son was in the hospital fighting for his life. When the Chef arrived, his bright, infectious smile came with him; even under his difficult personal circumstances. He gave no hint as to his underlying stress as we began our walk through the more than forty tasting booths.

We tasted, sipped, sampled and discovered the delicious offerings of his year’s event. And, the people surrounding us began to come up to this likable Celebrity Chef to greet him immediately. He is truly beloved.

One young exhibitor beamed brighter than the warm afternoon sun as soon as we walked up to taste her charcuterie boards.

“Delicious,” Chef Brooks emitted through his earnest voice.

“Really?” She hopefully answered back.

“Yes,” He responded. “Keep up the good work.”

His words of encouragement sent a thrill throughout her whole being. She is the perfect example of how the participants in this sixteen-year-old event have benefited from Chef Brooks and his vision of strengthening an up and coming generation of chefs.

“When I was younger, there were others who helped me,” He said before giving me an example of how the process of growth works through patient time.

“I was in a televised, dual-competition in New York a couple of years ago when I glanced up and to see what my competitor was cooking. He had just started making collard greens. I looked up at the clock and saw the countdown timer winding down. I simply shook my head and said to myself, ‘there is no way anyone can make that dish properly in that amount of time,’” He recalled.

After the judges completed their scoring, Chef Brooks took a moment to taste the collard greens prepared by his competitor.

“They were tough, just as I thought they’d be. There are some things you just can’t rush. All things happen according to right-timing.”

He went on to explain that he calls this “patient-time” and that it is something we all need to be mindful of in day to day life. Then he revealed another personal example of his own adherence to this principle.

The Sunday before our work together his twenty-year-old son had been rushed to the hospital in cardiac arrest. While in the hospital his son flatlined. Chef Brooks and his wife rushed to their son’s side immediately. They’d spent all week with him since, teaching him about patient-time and how such things, as healing, require it.

“I’m going to spend time with my family now,” Chef Brooks said, as he said his goodbye. “My son just got out of the hospital and my wife and I are making sure to be with him as he heals.”

Watch my latest show on American Dream TV:

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“When we gave them food they said, ‘what do we owe you,’ When we told them, not a thing, they were surprised and said, ‘really?’” – Medina’s Tri Tip

Tamales

The two owners of Medina’s Tri Tip Company stood at the front of the room. I didn’t know who they were, or why they were attending our meeting. There was a medium sized table just to their left side. It would have seated six people with two on each side, punctuated by another two, on at each end.  But, that wasn’t the reason for the table in the front.

Even when I saw the extra-large cooler sitting on top of the table I didn’t know why the Medinas were standing, waiting. Being curious I let my eyes scan the rest of the table. That’s when I noticed black plastic carry bags and some white carry-out containers sitting next to the cooler. It was all starting to come together in my mind because I took a moment to look to my left and then scan the rest of the room.

The audience was seated at round table dotted with a scattering of paper plates. And, on these plates were partially and currently being eaten tamales.

“In 2020,” one of the owners of Medina’s Tri Tip Company said, “we began to notice that people we knew were really struggling. Many people we knew were no longer able to work. Their businesses had been shut down.”

She went on to tell us of the one day, when someone they knew well, had come into their restaurant to talk. They looked hungry; very hungry.

“When we gave them food they said, ‘what do we owe you,’ When we told them, not a thing, they were surprised and said, ‘really?’” She said.

That was the moment the Medinas came up with a plan to help their beleaguered neighbors. Yes, they would still give food to their friends and their families. But, they knew they could do more.

“We talked to teachers in our local school and asked them to let us know of children who didn’t have food,” She said. “We began to make tamales in our home to give them good, and much needed food to eat.”

The next part of their plan came about when they received the Christmas list of a child from one of their teacher partners.

“The list contained a couple of small toys,” She explained. “But, what really hit us in the heart was the word ‘food’ right at the top.”

That was the beginning of “Tamales For Toys.” 

“Our whole family began spending evenings pressing Tamales and we put out a flyer saying ‘We will be selling tamales on a preorder basis so we can raise money to provide food and toys to our neighbors in need,” the Medinas said with a smile, as they told us about the start of their project.

Now, in their third year of this project, they’ve been joined by many more school teachers as well as their city’s fire department. Others have been donating the ingredients for the tamale construction.

“Our city fire fighters make a special delivery of hot tamales and other Christmas gifts to each household we share with.” They said before Mr. Medina walked over to the large cooler sitting on that table in the front of the room. “If you would like to help please come up and purchase some tamales.”

And, we did. The round meeting tables were soon standing empty, encircled by fittingly empty chairs. There was now a line to purchase tamales at that front table. I was near the end of that long, snaking line.

By the time I got to the cooler to purchase tamales, they were gone. Luckily, the opportunity was not gone, as I was able to pre-order tamales for another delivery date. The two owners of Medina’s Tri Tip Company were still standing with me at the front of the room ready to take my order. I knew who they were and why they were selling tamales at the medium sized table just to their left. The table would have seated six people with two on each side, punctuated by another two, one at each end.  But, that wasn’t the real reason for the table in the front.

That table was there to let us know that we could help to fill the empty tables of our neighbors with food, joy, hope, and tamales made with and given in love.

Watch my latest show on American Dream TV:

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“We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds.” – Aristotle Onassis

Sailing in High Winds

“I don’t know what to do,” Gordon Lin said, looking as if he had just run a marathon. The skin under his eyes was drooping, as if wax running down the side of a candle stick, even though the flame in his eyes was currently doused. “I don’t even know if I can do this anymore. It’s as if I’ve been sailing against high winds, forever. I’ve never done anything this hard before.” 

The effects of recent hard sailing were evident in his posture and expression. Yet, what was undetectable to him, less obvious at the time, was something greater; the elements of high wind sailing, he’d developed as a result his voyage. He was also the embodiment of what Aristotle Onassis, a Greek and Argentine business entrepreneur, once taught.

Mr. Onassis, who once possessed the world’s largest privately-owned shipping fleet, imparted, “We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds.”

Here are the elements of successful high wind sailing, exemplified by both Aristotle Onassis and Gordon Lin; both masters of such navigating in life.

Find your purpose or goal. About twenty-five years ago Gordon was recently married and they were living in a small mobile home. Yet, he knew what his purpose was. So, he set his goal prominently in his view and made sure he attended to it every day.

“I think about it every week. I think of it every day. It is always on my mind. I think about it constantly,” he said to me once, in those meager days.

Finding purpose for your life is like having a compass for use during your journey.

Know how far you are. When navigating his way, Gordon Lin always created accountability measures to chart his course. He took the time to determine the daily steps he needed to take to make progress toward what he wanted.

“I often awaken at about three in the morning, thinking about the things I need to do. I think, for some reason, that’s the most likely time for me to receive inspiration.” Gordon explained to me once, not long ago.

His focus, on set purpose, seems to have allowed him to develop a sort of internal Sextant that allows him to measure the angles between where he currently is and what course changes he needs to make to reach his goal.

Draw a road map. Just the other day Gordon spent a few minutes with me on the phone, verbally drawing a map of the route he had created to get through the current rough seas he was working to traverse. He had taken the time and made the effort to prepare for departure toward calmer waters.

If you don’t know how, LEARN. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to be learning because of this,” he said just the other day. That means he was searching to find what he needed to learn. He actively looks to find out what skills and information he needs, so he can focus on the lesson, master it and then move forward.

Finally, when you think you’ve made it you will probably have to work harder. There seems to be a universal principle in our world that states, “Let’s see if you’re serious!” That means you can expect to receive the greatest resistance right as you see success just ahead. That happened to Gordon just this last week.

“I thought we were there,” he said in a voice filled with frustration. “But, I’ve spent the last two days working to get everyone back on board; after some interference from people who don’t have the information they need to give valid advice. I was able to go through the plan with everyone again and get them comfortable.”

“We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds.” I thought to myself as he spoke.

Gordon has learned how to sail in high winds. And, he’s getting better at it every day, by using these five elements.

Watch as I host American Dream TV, streaming on ROKU and Apple TV.

“Just because people are wearing the same costume doesn’t mean they’re the same.”

Beyond A Costume

The color of the cross-arm changed. That was the signal I’d been hoping to see at the end of a two-hour drive. It meant I could go into the parking terrace, park my car and walk into the air terminal to catch my upcoming flight. Upon finding a suitable parking space, I unloaded my two bags. Then, I walked toward the swooshing doors that would magically slide, to welcome all visitors; even exceptionally tall ones.

Such was the case at this moment, when a seemingly, redwood-tall-man approached the enchanted entrance with me. I say redwood-tall, not because his hair had any red color in it, but because of his height. He would be noticeable anywhere because of his stature. And, in this instance he was also noticeable because of this broad, warm smile.

While looking up toward the top of this tree-high man, I could see his head dip slightly as he said hello and offered a “good afternoon.” It was the opening I’d hoped for, because of my curiosity.

“How tall are you?” I asked, adding a quick follow-up statement. “You almost bumped your head walking through that first door!”

“Yes,” he replied genially. “I know I really won’t bump my head here, but its close enough that I still seem to duck just a little every time.”

His comment suggested a familiarity with those swooshing doors, so I looked a little closer and lower on his trunk. And, sure enough, there was a lanyard dangling from his neck which identified him as an employee of the airport we were walking in to. The identification tag, swinging from the lanyard, was accentuated by his long-sleeved shirt and full-length trousers, both fully navy blue; his work clothes, a costume so to speak.

Had he been wearing a different costume, I may have mistaken him for a professional basketball player.  But, he wore no jersey or fancy sweat suit.

“I’m six-foot-seven,” he offered with a slight laugh, highlighting his voice. “My mom and dad are five-foot-three and five-foot-four. If I didn’t look like my mom and dad I would have thought something fishy was happening, as I’m the only one this tall in my family.” 

His short family history and commentary, somehow prompted my remembrance of the story of American Hero, Samuel Fraunces. 

During the American Revolutionary War, Fraunces was a patriot and a spy for the American side. General Washington and his officers celebrated the end of the war with a farewell banquet at Fraunces Tavern, which is still in operation and located in lower Manhattan, on December 4, 1783.

In 1785, Congress recognized Fraunces's role in foiling a 1776 assassination plot against Washington. Since Washington’s life had been spared, he was inaugurated as first President of the United States on April 30, 1789. And, Samuel served as steward of the presidential household in both New York City between 1789-1790 and Philadelphia between 1791-1794.

Samuel Fraunces retired from the presidential household in 1794, and then took over operation of a Philadelphia tavern. He died the following year. His obituary remembered him, in the Gazette of the United States, October 13, 1795 saying, "DIED - On Saturday Evening last, MR. SAMUEL FRAUNCES, aged 73 years. By his death, Society has sustained the loss of an honest man, and the Poor a valuable friend."

Interestingly, since the middle of the 19th century, there has been a dispute about Samuel Fraunces' racial identity. Was he white or was he of African descent? This is, in the minds of some, an interesting question since his nick name was “Black Sam,” and he was born in the West Indies. And, in March 2003, the Independence Hall Association urged the National Park Service to resolve this dispute. They have not done so. 

Perhaps they haven’t done so because, the exceptional life of Samuel Fraunces speaks for itself. He is an American hero and was a true friend to George Washington and other luminaries of his day. Any costumes, in the form of clothing or other labels, he may have worn, potentially leading others to make uninformed conclusions as to the character and depth of the man are meaningless.

And, when a seemingly redwood-tall-man approached the enchanted entrance of an international airport with me just a few ago, we talked with each other. And, in this instance, I learned he was also most notable because of this broad, warm and friendly smile, no matter the costume he may have been wearing at the moment.

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“Its’ no big deal. It’s something I can easily work around.” – Jay Harwood

Eyeing Happiness

“It’s no big deal,” Jay said. “It’s something I can easily work around.”

His words hit my face like cold, flowing water rushing down the side of a tall mountain. They hit me in a two-fisted stream.

First, I had no idea that my buddy had been so affected by seemingly dog-piled health matters. Such lack of knowledge was a sign I hadn’t been attentive, the way a good friend ought to be. So, I asked him to tell me more. That led to me being hit by the second-strike.

Even after having undergone several medical procedures and enduring long healing cycles, he wasn’t looking up from under water, drowning in hopelessness or despair. His view was forward-gazing, brimming with hope. Yes, his circumstance was drifting a little downhill, but he sighted rays of bright light, peeking above his mountain of challenge.

“I’ve just changed how I do things,” Jay explained, with a twinkle in his blue, piercing eyes. “I just need a little assistance from others while I’m healing.”

Healing, I thought. While thinking about it more, I was suddenly not sure why his sight, staring firmly toward happiness, was at all surprising to me. After all, because we’ve been friends for a long time, I’ve watched him stare-down dramatic heartbreak in his personal life before. So, I searched for answers by looking deeper into his eyes, while conversing in a large conference room.

Jay’s striking blue irises were on display, arresting there, dazzling. Perhaps that’s why people who don’t know him well, get detained right there, failing to recognize his immense depth of character. The color is so enthralling, it’s easy to not look deeper. Yet, what I saw, just on the other side of that splendid color, was stone-gray quartzite. A silicified focus on aligning with happiness; come what may.

“What could possibly matter if a person isn’t surrounded by primary, significant relationships?” Jay explained in his affable way.

And, when I looked deeper into those focused, sky-like eyes, I could see the images of which he was referring. The focused-effort he’s expended while caring for his increasing clan, strengthening familial bonds.

“I’d pick my grandkids up from school,” he once explained to me. “I’d leave my work behind, so we could spend time together. We’d do the things that were of interest to them for the entire afternoon. Perhaps other people felt as if what I was doing was insignificant, you know, doing simple things such as playing a card game, loved by the kids. But, it wasn’t insignificant then and it isn’t insignificant, especially now, many years later.”

And now? Jay is keeping his focus on those dear to him. He structures time with family; as much time as possible. The biggest events in his life are all carefully scheduled and prepared in advance. He holds loved-ones in his gaze. Constantly. 

“It’s no big deal. It’s something I can easily work around,” Jay said, as I beheld the quartzite-fixed gaze, entrenched in his eyes. And, I could clearly see the perfection of his vision, because he’s eyeing happiness, always.

Watch as I host "Idyllic America" on American Dream TV.

Quenching the Volcano Within

“Pick up the lost strands—the activities and the talents that have gone unrealized—and build new lives around them.” - Father Daniel G. Groody

Quenching the Volcano Within

We, two of us, were standing in a hallway conversing. My friend was especially dressed to reflect one of life’s most important passages; the wedding of his son. We stood there visiting, catching up, since we hadn’t seen each other for more than three years. It was all very pleasant, until a volcano erupted.

Volcanos have always been of interest to me. Perhaps it’s because the ones I’ve personally seen stand majestically, tall and beautiful. They are seemingly placid, without any hint of the danger lurking within. At this moment, I was standing in a hallway, looking at a volcano, my friend.

I had traveled for half a day to visit this good friend and was looking forward to it for a couple of months. Before watching the volcano erupt, I didn’t know I was about to discover something important about life’s journey and how we, as Americans, have become mean.

The word we, as used here, was carefully selected. Because, it includes me.

Less than a week from visiting my friend, during a phone call related to some business, I felt that same volcanic eruption vomit from within.

I remember thinking at the time, “I am an exact reflection of my friend.” I felt ugly.

This realization was in stark contrast to a description my friend Matthew Ward had recently posited of me while saying, “You’re always so calm.” 

Clearly, I am not always calm. And, I’m not always feeling kind, friendly or generous. This realization caused me to ask one of life’s most fundamental questions. Who am I, really?

Luckily, this week my literary agent asked me to write a short bio and description of the vital motivation and purpose for the book he and I have been pitching to a particular publisher. This assignment was the perfect opportunity for me to answer the question, “who am I, really?”.

Turns out that completing the assignment led me to discover a door into the rediscovery of “gift logic,” something I’ve professed to believe in and follow my entire life. This is a different and deeper logic than what has been guiding our lives, since we’ve focused on and put most of our efforts into our work and careers, where we’re heavily focused on the pursuit of self-interest. Gift logic is the opposite of this paradigm, the way we’ve been living.

Gift logic is a guide toward creating a happy, well-lived life. It leads us to form important relationships, serve others and cultivates a complete character. It is a path of contribution and surrender. Many of us are already familiar with it. “Give to receive. You have to lose yourself to find yourself. You have to gain strength within yourself, not in acquisition or domination.”

Yes, gift logic is full of paradox, just like every person is. It focuses on “why” questions, such as why are we here, and what good should we ultimately serve? So, I offer you the same exercise my literary agent asked me to complete.

Sit down and struggle within yourself to identify your core self, your visible self, and your best self. Perhaps doing so will allow each one of us to quench the volcano within, so we can picture a nobler life and muster the courage to go out and live it.

Living a nobler life will open the way for us to follow the counsel of Father Daniel G. Groody to, “Pick up the lost strands—the activities and the talents that have gone unrealized—and build new lives around them.”

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My friend Sharon Westbrook being comforted by members of the Pinnacle Book Club.

Without Expectation

Members of our book club were streaming into my house. There were smiles all around as each member was fill with anticipation. Yet, over to one side of the room, just outside the floating island kitchen, there was a tender moment occurring.

Such tender moments are not often shared in group settings. Perhaps they are not shared more often because many of us labor under the assumption that our most vulnerable moments may become an indication of a potential indifference by others, acting as an usher toward our own irrelevance. Yet, this was not the case with Sharon’s exposure to fellow club members, attending our monthly symposium, as her worry was more grievous than any other potential fear she may have been feeling at the time.

Fear is sometimes displayed through shimmering eyes, just before internal thunder rumbles enough to cause a face to turn into a weeping grotto. Such was the case for Sharon. She was in distress, related to her dear sister’s health and life. Her angst was dripping for all to see and feel. And, club members responded with embraced caring.

Later Sharon expressed, “When I told my sister about you she was so touched! She said, ‘they don’t even know me, and are praying for me!!!’”

A couple of weeks after our monthly meeting, Sharon shared a message proclaiming that her sister had told her that her doctor had been observing her that day and was possibly going to release her to the rehabilitation facility the next day.

“She got so much better yesterday and today! I can’t thank you all enough. You’ve really warmed my heart. She is still frail and weak. Yet, she is continuing to build her strength,” Sharon shared.

Sharing, reaching out to others around you during struggles is an opportunity. It allows one’s fears to disburse; to be shouldered by loved-ones who yearn to put their own strength and talent to use in a beneficial, direct way. Such was demonstrated to me, for the second time in two weeks, just two days ago, when I risked potential indifference and irrelevance by reaching out to another friend, Stephanie Davis.

In response, Stephanie’s face brightened as she strongly stated, “I can help you with that.”

I had no doubt. No doubt about her ability. No doubt about the evidence of her caring kindness.

Fear is sometimes displayed through shimmering eyes, just before internal thunder rumbles enough to cause a face to turn into a hollow of hopelessness. But, when I saw and heard Stephanie’s response to my ask for help, my fear simply dripped through the bottom of despair’s infinity. Because, as was the instance with Sharon, the help was offered without expectation.

The givers simply gave. Givers give without expectation of recompense. They give as supporting, caring friends. 

Such tender, giving moments are not often shared in personal or group settings. Perhaps they are not shared more often because many of us labor under the assumption that our most vulnerable moments may become an indication of potential indifference by others, acting as an usher toward our own irrelevance. Yet.

Giving to others without expectation always transforms fear into a tender, rejoicing moment.

Watch as I host American Dream TV, now streaming on Apple TV and Roku.

 

“Some people say you shouldn’t work with family, but we all have different talents and strengths.” – Paola Montes

A Full Cup

“My father wanted his family to have more economic opportunity,” Paola explained in the entryway of her family’s bistro.

We were talking in the entryway of the third restaurant they’ve created together.

“When I graduated from college, I thought I wanted to make my own way,” Paola said, as a slight blush bloomed across her face. “But, I loved working with my family. I grew up in the restaurant business. And, I knew I had more to offer to my family and our community.”

From the moment I walked into Azul it was clear that Paola, Mario (her husband), and the entire staff take pride in their work and that they enjoy showcasing their creation to others.

“Our cup is full,” Paola almost whispered as she began thinking back of the beginning of their venture.

Her father, an engineer by trade, decided to accept a family invitation to come to learn about the restaurant business from another relative in Alabama. He and his wife had two young sons at the time, so it was a real risk starting over, on the very bottom rung. He washed dishes, bused tables and learned every aspect of the business. When he thought he knew the business well enough and could really make a go of it, he set off to find his own, right location.

That location was in a different state in a small town where there wasn’t one Mexican restaurant. He wanted to get the best shot he could get at survival, so they moved again. And, from the first day of the venture, each member of the growing family worked to make it a success.

“That’s when I was born,” Paola said. “We all work hard. It’s an important component of our success.”

And, yes, they do work hard. But they don’t work just for work’s sake. When Paola says their “cup is full,” it’s because she means their work reflects who they are now and where they came from. They focus on contributing every single detail of their history and talent.

“My father designs every part of the interiors of our businesses. He personally travels to select the people who will hand craft the chairs, tables and décor. He only chooses people who can bring his vision into reality.” Paola pointed out, while walking through the entire top floor of their bistro, pointing out each piece, including the art on the walls, the sparkling lights, and the way their food is delivered to customers.

“Some people say you shouldn’t work with family, but we all have different talents and strengths.,” Paola Montes said with warmth radiating from her eyes. “It was time for our father to retire a couple of years ago, and he did, but he just can’t stay away all of the time. He still comes in on a regular basis, just not as much, because he belongs here. He wants to contribute. Its who he is. He’s just part of this, part of us and he always will be.”

“My father wanted his family to have more economic opportunity,” Paola explained in the entryway of her family’s bistro. But, he accomplished more than just that. He created a way for everyone in our family to fill their own cup. A cup filled with our individual contributions, our history and the desire to showcase our history, who we are and what we yearn to give to each other and to others.

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“Where ever you go, blessings will follow.” - Martin Sensmeier

Unanticipated

“You know my father, don’t you?”

Randy Salt was speaking of his father, Richard.

“He died this year. He was 96 years old,” Randy continued.

Richard was an avid sportsman. He played on his school’s football, basketball, track and field teams in his youth. He also was a prize amateur boxer and had a chance to turn professional, but decided instead to focus on his growing family. His commitment to those he loved most was something he learned from his own father and mother.

“My grandfather worked for the railroad,” Randy continued. “When he was in his mid-thirties he was crushed by a train coupling. No one expected him to live.”

He did live. He endured multiple surgeries and relied on his wife to care for him for the rest of his life.

“My grandmother spent her entire life caring for my grandfather. And, there was never any question whether she would do it or not.”

When it became clear that he would live, no one thought he would ever be able to walk again. But, he did! One step at a time. He started by simply standing. Then he graduated to a walker. Finally, he was able to walk with the aid of a cane after many years of struggle.

“I never really understood the depth of my grandmother’s commitment to my beloved grandfather, until my brother Bob and I made the decision to care for our own father during his last years,” Randy explained.

Because the two men had watched the care given by their grandmother, they were able to see how she grew and changed over many years. But, there is nothing like personal experience.

“I never would have guessed what growth would come to me from caring for my father,” Randy said with emotion as soft as a light breeze kissing the top of a seemingly eternal, giant sequoia tree.

The two men became so close that when the time came where Richard could no longer speak to Randy through voice, they could still fully communicate.

“We would sit together,” Randy said quietly. “I could feel what he was feeling, what he wanted and needed. I couldn’t hear his audible voice, but we knew each other in a way I never could have imagined possible.”

Martin Sensmeier, an actor, when playing a uniquely meaningful role, once said, “Where ever you go, blessings will follow.”

Blessings will always follow difficulties. Every time. But, the blessings are almost always unanticipated. They’re unanticipated because they only show up during the experience. They come from the unwanted, something not sought.

“You know my father, don’t you?” Randy had asked.

Randy Salt was speaking of his father, Richard. But, he was really telling you and me of the unanticipated. Because, we all, every one of us, will enjoy unanticipated blessings as the result of unwanted experience.

Watch as I host American Dream TV which will begin streaming on Apple TV and Roku in August 2023

It all starts with a smile and a wave. – Krista Cupp

Unknowns

It was a vast room. In this room there were faces I recognized and others I did not. I did know the four main speakers in the meeting. I thought.

My eyes naturally began darting between all the people sitting around me; glancing at those I did not know as well as those I believed I knew. There were a lot of people in the room and I began to feel overwhelmed by all the needed relationship building around me. Then, my friend Krista Cupp’s words, from a meeting the day before, sparked in my mind.

“It all starts with a smile and a wave,” she said.

Then the first speaker began her short presentation. She, and the other three presenters, were set to describe their experience and knowledge of one man. Someone, all attending shared a relationship with. I thought I knew him quite well. That was about to change.

Krista’s words sparked in my mind again.

“As one of our local farmers said last week, a simple wave can go a long way! I think our community is known for its friendliness. I think we can lead the way by smiling and waving in a car, on a bike, walking...you name it.”

The second speaker began her presentation. I activated my listening more intently because I was beginning to make a connection between Krista’s counsel and what was becoming the dilemma before me. She told me more and more about the person we held in common. And, the more she talked, the more I realized my relationship our friend in the front of the room was not what I thought it was. I waited to learn more.

The third and fourth speakers continued to teach me more of what I didn’t know. They spoke of the small details of their personal relationship. Details I knew nothing about. Things I didn’t hold in common with them. Those things were revealed as glaring unknowns.

By the end of the meeting, my unknowns dwarfed my knowns.

“It all starts with a smile and a wave,” Krista said.

And now, I realized that’s where my relationship with our friend at the front of the room had started. And ended.

My eyes were darting between the people in the room again. They were glancing between the people I didn’t know and the ones I only thought I knew.

“It all starts with a smile,” I said to myself.

So, I began to smile at everyone in the room, including the man I once thought I knew so well.

Offering a smile was a start. A foray into the unknown. Perhaps it is necessary to look at one’s own cup before beginning or building any relationship? After all, it is impossible to add more to an already full cup. So, maybe it’s important to let go of what we think we know about someone, so we can discover who and what is currently unknown to us.

That smile and a friendly wave are the beginning of the important process and adventure of discovering, the all-important unknowns in others. The things, upon which, inspiring, satisfying and deep relationship are founded.

Bravery of Curtis Sutton

When Life Pushes

I remember the first time I saw Curtis Sutton. It was long ago, but the image has stuck with me for more than forty years. We were both young then. Yet, he wasn’t just young, he was also brave.

He started a family at a young age, when others his age were more likely to be labeled and identified as overly selfish, focusing on only themselves. He knew it would be the beginning of something harder than he’d ever faced before. Still, he proceeded to follow his heart and focus on love. That love stayed at the very center of everything he did in life. It set the stage for all that would follow.

Not many years after starting his family he was involved in a horrible traffic accident. The effect of that accident left him in constant, unrelenting pain. Yet, he persisted in his unyielding efforts to provide for and preserve his family against all odds.

I don’t think he was a believer in the odds. Because when others would have given up he continued forward. Even when things became harder and much was going wrong, I watched as he recommitted to his soul-mate Janae so they could continue their journey together for the remainder of his life. That same commitment to another opened the door for him to follow his heart again.

It was at, or near that moment when he made the decision to broaden the size and capacity of his heart. His heart was already so big in giving, that I wouldn’t have thought increasing its size would be possible. He showed that it was.

He worked with people who had lost everything as a result of addiction and worked tirelessly to give them counsel and hope, when almost everyone else in the world had given up on them. He would never give up in his own life and not in the lives of the others he served.

Tom Ferry, a personal coach, recently commented, “There are two moments in our lives that transform our potential. The first is when we’re very young and we take on either a fixed or a growth mindset. The second is when life pushes us to choose for ourselves.”

Then Tom asked, “Has that moment already happened to you?”

Curtis answered that question over and over again, after multiple, possibly crushing life events. His answer was, I choose who I want to be and what I want to do with my life. I choose love and caring. And, he always did, even when bone cancer replaced all of the bones in his body with its counterfeiting, excruciating theft of his life.

I remember the first time I saw Curtis Sutton living and choosing for himself. It was long ago, but the image has stuck with me for more than forty years. We were both young then. Yet, he was young as well as the brave one. And, now? Just yesterday, he chose who he was going to be, as the last of his life was being stolen.

There are two moments in our lives that transform our potential. Curtis always chose the path of love. He chose who he was going to be, when offered joy and when offered extreme pain. 

He was brave and good, when life pushed.