Self Determined-Determination

“I was walking home and asked myself a question.”

-Spencer Hoole

Self Determined-Determination

During a conversation with my friend Spencer Hoole this week I began to get and expended glimpse into the concept of self-determination.  Perhaps you’ve been comfortable with the common definition of this term, to determine one’s own fate.  Of course, this definition is still true, but Spencer taught me a more complete and compelling definition.

He was telling me of his school years and how he had been coasting along until one particular event occurred that weighed heavily on his mind.  “I was walking home

and asked myself a question.  What am I going to do so I can live the kind of life my parents had given me? “

He went on to tell me that he concluded that he was going to need to have the determination to work hard in school and to do the things that he felt he needed to do to get what he wanted in life.

That’s when I began to realize the connection between self-determination and internal-resolve determination.  One cannot live a self-determined life without working with determination, the resolve to accomplish a desired outcome.

As Spencer described his process he used example after example of successful people, he has studied, who had faced some kind of personal or social disadvantage.  In every case, these individuals knew they had some sort of weakness and they used their resolve to work harder than others in order to overcome it.

“All of these people had something driving them inside.  They had to prove that they had overcome themselves.”  Spencer told me.

Overcoming ones self is a life-long pursuit.  It takes determination to know what your own weaknesses are and to wake up each day saying, “I’m going to go to work and show myself that nothing is going to stop me now or ever!  I’m going to live life on my own terms and determine my own future.”  But, that’s what Spencer has done.

I looked across the table and saw Spencer’s eyes as he spoke.  I saw polish, knowledge, success and I also saw something I hadn’t recognized before, self determined-determination.

Ignoring the Good

An unknown woman’s life changing words

Ignoring the Good

I’ve been busy over the last three weeks putting my business plan for the coming year together.  It’s a good annual exercise to take a look at where I’ve been and where I want to head into the future.  Every time I’ve done this before my focus has been on what I didn’t do as well as I should have and then set goals to do the best I can do to shore up areas of weakness or failure.  When I started the process this time it was going along well until an important thought struck me.

“I haven’t taken enough time to concentrate on what’s really going well in my business; what it is that comes naturally to me.  What has been coming easily to me over the last and previous years!”

So, I started to think long and hard about how this would impact my planning and goal setting process.  It’s been eye opening to say the least!   And, it is changing the way I approach life. (That alone is very unsettling because it opens new horizons for the future; horizons that are vast and unknown.)

What is known is that we live in a society that spends every waking hour being critical of everyone and everything.  I clearly remember honing this skill to a fine art while in graduate school.  At some sad point it expanded from a habit of focusing on how to improve my work and situation to a sort of sport to see if I could “one-up” every other person in class!  At the time I thought I was simply becoming smarter, more intellectual, when in reality I was simply becoming more “smart-mouthed.”

I had no idea how much this habit had invaded my life until years later when I was standing in a food line with my Brad Bertoch and the clerk didn’t something to annoy me so I made a sharp, cutting remark.  I felt smug and had a broad smile on my face until a kind and gentle lady behind me said, “You know, you need to be nicer to people!” 

Luckily, as soon as her life changing words hit my ears I knew she was right, so when I turned to respond all I could say was, “You know, you’re right!”

Now I’m taking her significant words to the next logical step.  I’m finally beginning to apply them to myself in a new way; as a future shaping principle.  So, as I am working through my business planning over the next few weeks I’m beginning from a new perspective; what is going right in my business and how can I make it even better?  Then, I’ll take the next step and apply the same logic to the other areas of my life.  I’m new at this, but the mental change has already begun to make a huge difference to me.

Focusing on the good has allowed me to at least double the level of my gratitude.  It’s brought new warmth to my heart as I’ve really taken notice of all the wonderful people and things that surround and support me.  I’ve been able to identify causality relationships in my business systems that I’ve never noticed or have simply ignored in the past; confirming that ignoring the good has consequences.

Focusing on the good also has consequences, but it will change the relationship between you, the result and the cause.  I invite you to try this path as well.  Look inside and see what those changes might be and mean for you.

When It's Broken

“I love it when I have no business going because I know it can’t get worse than this!  There is only one way to go and that’s up!”-Les Ellison

When it’s Broken

I was feeling a little downhearted a few years ago when my business was not going as well as I thought it should.   When walking down the hall of my office I crossed paths with one of my associates, Les Ellison.  He looked at me and with his characteristic smile and twinkling eyes asked how things were going.  I told him I was a little discouraged because I didn’t have much going.

It was then that he gave me his intense you’ve got this look, and his face brightened even more.  Then he stepped back and said, “I love it when I have no business going because I know it can’t get worse than this!  There is only one way to go and that’s up!”

If I didn’t know Les better I would have thought that he was pulling my leg.  But, I knew he sincerely meant it!  He was sharing a part of his personality and living perspective with me while offering me encouragement and hope.  I vowed at that moment to make Les’ approach my own and went back to work.  Since that time I’ve kept that conversation and lesson in mind when ever I’ve faced any kind of difficulty and I’ve noticed some interesting things as a result.

When facing difficult times many people become broken and just give up.  It’s a sad thing to see.  But, being broken doesn’t mean one has to stay broken.  If viewed from Les’ viewpoint it’s an opportunity to begin anew; to put the past behind and move boldly into the future.

Being broken to create opportunity is a pattern we see all around us.  When a field is plowed, the earth is broken up as a preparation for the growth of a new crop.  When a forest is burned, the fire releases new seeds to spring from pine cones and join the dirt to begin anew.  When wheat is broken, ground, it can become flour which makes it possible for it to be transformed into another useful form, bread.  The act of breaking or being broken, if embraced and understood, will open the possibility of a transformation to a brighter future that would not have been possible under any other circumstance.

If your current circumstances have you reeling with a feeling of hopelessness you can know that your pain will not last forever if you will begin to shift your view.  Rather than pine for a return to the old, begin to look for the change that could be.  This small act of looking forward will, of itself, open windows that were closed before.  When that happens take a moment to smell the fresh air that rushes in.  Let it fill your lungs as well as your heart; your lungs with new strength and your heart with new hope.

 

Blazing Your Trail

“I have never been lost, but I will admit to being confused for several weeks.”

-Daniel Boone

Blazing Your Trail

Have you ever found yourself feeling as if everyone around you is smarter, more interesting and move informed than you are?  I know there have been many occasions when I have felt that way.  As I’ve talked with people over the years it’s become clear to me that most of us have felt that way at one time or another.   When that happens it’s easy to feel as if you don’t have enough answers to move forward.

But, what we all need to know is that living a successful life isn’t about knowing everything there is to know.  It’s about continuing to blaze a trail forward in spite of the fact that you don’t know everything that’s ahead.

The difference between a trail blazer and everyone else is in the way they view their current position in relation to their future.  A trail blazer never thinks there is a possibility of being lost as long as they have their eye on the trail ahead.   They know that as long as they keep moving forward then there is nothing to fear.  They will eventually reach their goal.  The only way they will fail is if they stop.

Others, those who don’t live with a trail blazer approach, won’t take action until they’re assured that they’ll be able to reach their goals by following a certain, direct path.   This leads to a life lived in fear and the regret of lost opportunity.   They fail because are almost always living at a stop.

Those who live life at a stop will tell you that life is too precious to make mistakes.  But living such a life also means living its consequences.  Those consequences may mean that they never enjoy the feeling of joy that comes from experiencing a break through success.  And, perhaps more devastating, having to live a long life with feelings of inadequacy and the belief that things could have been different.

I’ve been asking myself the question, “What does a person need to do to believe that they deserve a seat at the table?” In other words, what will it take for you to believe that you’re as capable and deserving as those trail blazers that live seemingly bold, rewarding lives around you?   Here are steps to take that will help answer such questions.

Know that every person born has times in their life when they feel inadequate.  If you don’t believe that, just ask an admirable close friend if they have ever had such feelings.  When you do, you’ll find that the answer will be an astounding and universal yes.  Knowing you aren’t different will build a secure platform to support your next step.

Write down all of the things you’ve accomplished in your life.  It doesn’t matter what it is.  It doesn’t matter how small it is.  The key is to recognize that you are capable of accomplishment.

Next, write down the obstacles you over came to reach your goals.  Here is a small twist that will make this step even more effective.  Write down the surprises you ran in to as you worked toward your goal and make special note that you were not aware of them when you began down the trail to reach that goal.   This will help you see that you have the ability to succeed in the face of the unknown.

Finally, armed with the knowledge that you are capable, successful and can face the unknown to succeed you can move forward blazing new trails with a different perspective.  You don’t have to know everything.  You just have to know your destination and be willing to set off on the trail in order to succeed.