“I had always envisioned myself as being someone who would be able to offer help and refuge to many people.  Then my life took an unexpected turn.”  - Sarah Gwin

Truly Grand

It had been a great while since I’d seen my neighbor Sarah.  I knew she and her husband, Chris, were focusing their time caring for one of their children in particular.  But, that’s about all I knew.  That was about to change as soon as she spoke.

“I had always envisioned myself as being someone who would be able to offer help and refuge to many people.  Then my life took an unexpected turn.” Sarah said.

Sarah has always had a heart that couldn’t be held in check by her chest and as a result, has always had dreams of being able to share her love with many people.  It has been the focus of her life path since she was a child.  Chris shared her vision and they joined in walking that path together as soon as they started their family and had children.

“I wanted to provide service to others in a grand way.”  Sarah continued.  “Then we had a child born into our lives to teach us what it means to do something truly grand.” 

This natural teacher does not have the ability to communicate verbally through words.

“There are times of great quiet.  Then, there are times of great vocal outbursts.  But, there is always a bond and communication of love that is deeper than anything I had ever imagined.” Sarah explained.

She and Chris have been spending the past few years sharing and offering specialized care for their teacher-child.  One of them needs to be at home constantly.  That’s the reason I began to see one of these two at social events, they and I would normally attend together.  Sarah said that this unanticipated change has been hard for them.  And, most importantly, it has changed her understanding of what truly grand means.

“Our child has taught me that the grandest gesture a person can make is to offer refuge to another.” She said as her eyes shimmered as if filled with diamonds.

Each one of us has had, and will have times, when we are completely dependent on another person for love and care.  Yet somehow, we tend to forget that.  Luckily, if we take the time to listen to those making the truly grand happen around us right now, sometimes not always visible, we’ll remember the genuine significance of offering personal refuge.

So, even though it had been a great while since I’d seen my neighbor Sarah, I listened intently.  I knew she and her husband, Chris, were focusing their time caring for one of their children in particular.  But, that’s about all I knew.  That was all changed as Sarah taught me about the grandest gesture.

“I had always envisioned myself as being someone who would be able to offer help and refuge to many people.  Then my life took an unexpected turn.” Sarah said.  “Chris and I had a teacher-child born into our family and our child has taught me that the grandest gesture a person can make is to offer refuge to another.”

“I’ve been battling macular degeneration in my eyes.” – Jay Samak

Dot-to-Dot

“Have you talked with Jay recently?” Cad asked.

“I talked with him just a week, or so ago.”  I replied.

“Then you know he’s losing his vision?”  Cad followed.

“No!” I said in a tone of disbelief.  “I’ve been talking with him quite a bit and he’s never said a thing to me about that!”

Because of that brief conversation with Cad Cauley, shadowy laden memories began to drift into the forefront of my consciousness, like an abating fog.  Things that should have acted as clues, suddenly connected.  You know, like those dot-to-dot drawing puzzles? 

It all started during last year’s holiday season.  I would call and leave voice messages for Jay to get back to me.  It would be three or four days before he would call me back.  I began to worry.

When we did talk he explained it all away saying, “I’m on a family vacation for a few weeks.”

“Good for you!” I said to him with understanding in my heart.

Then, the holiday season ended.  But, the slow-to-return calls didn’t.  When I finally spoke with Jay again he explained it all away with, “I’ve sold my company.  It’s taking me a lot of time to get my office cleaned out.”

Again, I was happy for him.  Glad he was able to enjoy time with his family, as well as his ability to have time to do the things he loved to do.  Still, I could feel a little nagging in the back of my mind, telling me that things were not as they appeared. And while I was a little surprised by Cad’s revelation, I knew what he was telling me was right.  I was embarrassed as well.  Shamed that I hadn’t connected the dots on my own.  That’s when I made another call to my friend Jay.

“I heard a rumor.”  I started. “It’s my understanding that you’ve begun to lose your eyesight.”

“I’ve been battling macular degeneration in my eyes.” Jay responded back. “I lost my driver’s license a couple of months ago.  I can’t read very well.  I can’t even go anywhere without hiring a driver.”

My heart was breaking as I listened to him explain the huge changes and challenges he was facing.  To make matters worse, he was dealing with me, a visually challenged friend.  Someone who claimed to be his friend, yet couldn’t see clearly enough to recognize the needs of one of his own buddies.  I vowed to do better.

I listened as Jay told me of his upcoming trip to Boston, to consult with one of the world’s macular degeneration innovators.  How he was coordinating her care plan with that of a colleague in the Moran Eye Center in Salt Lake City.  He described his hopes and dreams of being able to obtain the help he needs to be able to see better again.  And, through it all, I was formulating my own care plan, a plan to enhance my own vision, related to being a better friend.

Perhaps one of the main differences between my lack of vision and that of my friend, is that Jay is experiencing a physical phenomenon.  Mine physical vision is just fine.  I’ve just been experiencing a temporary case of opaque-spot-removal; being blind to one who needs me.

Talking with Jay directly, about his medical condition, was the first step in clearing my friendship vision.  Now, I’m introducing supplements to my care plan.  Not vitamins for my body, but attentive care to add vitality and encouragement to our friendship.  You might say, I’m taking things one step at a time, to be there when my friend needs me.  Just as Cad is.

“Have you talked with Jay recently?” Cad asked.

“I talked with him just a week or so ago.”  I replied.

“Then you know he’s losing his vision?”  Cad followed.

“No!” I said in a tone of disbelief.  “I’ve been talking with him quite a bit and he’s never a thing to me about that!”

“I’m going to stop in to visit him at his house tonight!”  Cad continued.

That comment and visit were the first two clear dots.  The ones opening my eyes to others that will surely become visible as I look for them.  After all, it is very difficult to see what you aren’t looking for.  But the entire picture of how to best help a friend in need can become clearer by traveling together, from one dot to the next.

You know, like those dot-to-dot drawing puzzles?

“When we arrived in the home of our host, it was very small, welcoming, clean and free of clutter and filled with happiness!” – Lorraine Clark

The Bermejillo Principle

“Kristin was invited to speak at a conference for women in Bermejillo, Durango, Mexico.” Loraine said.

Bermejillo isn’t an easy place to get to.  There are no large international airports and one has to drive a bit, on small, two-lane highways to get there.  So, it took Loraine some planning effort to arrange for the two friends, Kristin Murdock and Lorraine Clark, to arrive in this isolated desert community.  But, it was worth the effort.

“When we arrived, we were invited into the home of our host.” Lorraine explained.  “It was a small home.  Yet, that isn’t what captured our attention as we walked through the front door.”

As soon as they entered the home, their eyes scanned from one side to the other, taking it all in.  It was neat as a pin, clutter free and filled with happiness.

Speaking of this inaugural experience, Lorraine said, “There was nothing out of order!  There was not one superfluous item!  Most importantly, it was filled with a sense of peace and contentment.”

Kristin followed with, “I never would have expected to have such a feeling of serenity in an unfamiliar setting!”

The setting wasn’t only unfamiliar because they were in a different country, meeting with a host they heretofore had never met.  There were also few familiar features contained within the house.  For example, the restroom was located outside of the main structure.

“But, we immediately sensed that those things didn’t matter!”  Lorraine said, right before she and Kristin began to provide greater illumination regarding their discovery of what mattered most.

“There was true joy radiating from the eyes of our host!”  Kristin explained.

Their host was not living in a mansion, or even a large house.  She didn’t have expensive furniture or the latest modern appliances.  But, what she did have was more valuable than any of those things.  She was happy!  She enjoyed what he had and maintained vigilant stewardship of it.

“Vigilant Stewardship took on a whole new meaning for me!”  Lorraine continued.  Then she went on to describe exactly what she had learned during this trip. “It isn’t necessary to have a large house.  It isn’t necessary to have a lot of things.  And, it isn’t necessary to live in luxury in order to live fully in happiness.”

“Live life without clutter!”  Kristin chimed in.  “As I spent time with our host I could see how having fewer belongings, was truly liberating.  It allowed our host to focus on building personal relationships above all else!”

“Yes!”  Lorraine agreed, “When we arrived in the modest home of our host it was welcoming, clean, free of clutter and filled with happiness!”

This same host had invited Kristin to speak at a conference for women in Bermejillo, Mexico.  She gave an inspiring presentation!  And, that invitation opened an unexpected door.  As soon as she and Lorraine entered that door, they recognized great joy in the eyes of a new friend. 

Those shared-eyes illuminate the way for all of us to discover a new-found appreciation for the foundational attributes that can create enhanced joy that may soon radiate from our own faces. They lead us toward a greater understanding of what vigilant stewardship is.  And, toward a new aspiration; to simplify our lives by focusing on personal adherence to the foundational values of the “Bermejillo Principle.”

Bermejillo isn’t necessarily an easy place for you and me to travel to.  But, Lorraine and Kristin have been there and they found something more than just a town or a place. They discovered something much more meaningful.  They learned the Bermejillo Principle; a pathway for living with more joy.

“A couple of months later, I had just been diagnosed with cancer, was emotionally drained and not feeling well physically, when at midnight, someone began pounding on my front door.” – Mike Stillo

Fueling Neighborly Friendship

“When I was living in Georgia a few years ago, the neighborhood in which I was living was filled with people.  Not neighbors.”  Mike said while talking with a group of his current neighbors.

His old neighborhood, especially one particular next-door-neighbor, was a place of constant disagreement.  

“My next-door-neighbor seemed to be in shouting matches and sometimes fights in his front yard every week!”  Mike said.  “I was having a difficult time in my own life at the time, so I thought, if I could concentrate on helping someone with more troubles than I had, my own difficulties would somehow feel less burdensome.” He explained, before conveying the story of what I call, “Mike’s Method” for sparking warmer personal relationships.

In order to spark a better relationship with his neighbor, Mike decided he’d make sure to be outside as much as possible during times when his difficult neighbor came home.  He rationalized, “I would simply be there when he drove up to his house.  That way I could just walk over and start a conversation with him in a natural way.  I did this for a couple of years.  And then, in an effort to be in a position to give myself more chances to talk to him whenever he came outside, I began to chop a lot of wood!”

After splitting logs, he purposely stacked the wood next to the fence he shared with his acquaintance, hoping it would act as fuel to create a friendship. He continued to split and stack wood this way, right up until the day his grandson, the boy Mike was raising, came running into their house.

“The neighbor is stealing our firewood!”  He said with exaggerated animation. “Are you going to go over and talk with him?”

“No.” Mike, always a teaching grandfather, calmly responded.  “Let’s go out right now and throw the wood over the fence, into his yard.  He probably needs it more than we do!”

As soon as they finished gifting the firewood, Mike and his grandson were expecting their efforts to spark a change in the man they were trying to befriend.  They thought their next-door-neighbor would come over and express his gratitude. Yet, when the spark they offered toward a brighter-burning friendship, through the tendered kindling, seemed to have been fully dampened, both Mike and his grandson were discouraged.  But, they needn’t have been.

Mike’s eyes filled with tears as he described what happened next.  “A couple of months later, I had just been diagnosed with cancer, was emotionally drained and not feeling well physically, when at midnight, someone began pounding on my front door.  I answered the banging and found my neighbor, fully distraught, standing in front of me.  He seemed to be a broken man as he said, ‘My mother is in the hospital!  I need someone to teach me how to pray!’”

That’s when Mike ushered his distressed neighbor into the full glow of friendship by inviting him in.  Unfortunately, not more than a couple of days later, Mike was admitted into a hospital himself, so doctors could treat his worsening disease.  When he returned home, his new friend and neighbor had moved.

“When I was living in Georgia a few years ago, the neighborhood in which I was living was filled with people.  Not neighbors.  That is, until I decided to spark a friendship with the man next door, through the gift of firewood.  In the end, we connected in a very deep and touching way.  I’ll never forget the night, when a once gruff man, came over to ask for help.  I was so glad to have been there for him then, when he needed a neighbor.  I can still feel the warmth of our connection to this day.”

Are you looking to spark warmer personal connections in your own life?  Then use “Mike’s Method” so you can feel the inner warmth fuel by the gifts you offer to your neighbors.