Different Than I Thought

“You only get new growth on newly grown vines.” – Jay Cooper

Different Than I Thought

I was just leaving a home and writing a note in my car.  Jay saw me there and came near so we could talk after we had toured his daughter’s new home together.  We had just met, so I didn’t know he is a master gardener.

“I’m teaching a class on pruning grapes at my house on Friday.  Would you like to come?”  Jay said as soon as I lowered car window.

We were talking inside the house, during the walk-through, and I had casually mentioned that I had had recently planted a small vineyard and had driven past his house to see how he had installed his.  His daughter had told me that his vines were well done and I had no experience at all.  So, I welcomed Jay’s invitation warmly while looking forward to getting to know him on Friday.

Jay and I stood talking before the other participants arrived on the day of his class.  He was giving me background to bring me up to speed.  Then, when the others arrived, we walked to his vineyard, sheers in hand, and he began to teach us about pruning grape vines.

After short while, Jay handed each one of us clippers and he asked that we begin to prune ourselves.  It was under his direction, of course.  One can never be too careful in giving a novice free reign with a sharp object!

When it was my turn I said, “This is completely different than I thought!  I would have never imagined that this is the process!”

You see, what I learned was that grapes only grow on a vine’s new growth.  So, Jay taught us to prune the vines back to the stock while leaving a couple of spurs where the gardener wanted new growth to launch.

“Have you ever seen a huge grape vine with very few grapes, only at the fringes?  It’s because the gardener doesn’t understand how a grape vine produces fruit!”  Jay said.  Then he showed us how to recognize last year’s growth, what the wood looks like, how easily it is identified and where to cut it.  “Once you understand the process and what to prune it’s fast and easy!”  He continued.

As he spoke I listened.  Jay was teaching me more than how to prune grape vines.  He was teaching me a universal principle!  It was at that very moment when I realized I wasn’t there to learn about pruning grape vines alone.  I was there to learn how to live a more productive life myself!

If you and I aren’t learning, actively growing in our life, then our ability to live fruitful, productive lives is greatly diminished.

I pruned a vine back while Jay watched.  I thought of the old wood in my own life.  What do I need to trim so I can grow in my life?  Snip.  I moved on to the next vine.

I evaluated that vine.  Snip.  I see, I said to myself.  I have lots of areas where I need to focus so my life can bear fruit in ways I hadn’t imagined before.  Snip!

Jay’s class was different, and about more than I thought.  The universal principle he taught me was different than I thought.  Hum, who would have thought?

Small, Aint That Small At All

“Now, when death is no longer a remote possibility at some distant point in the future, but rather a constant probability with each passing day, most of the things that had seemed so desperately important to me as a younger man have faded to triviality.” - Charles Stibling

Small, Aint That Small At All

“It seems unfair that I could accumulate so much and yet will go to the grave taking none of it with me.”  Charles said to me.

Charles is wealthy, beyond almost everyone’s belief.  But, he was spending our time together telling me how unhappy he was.  He had spent his whole life accumulating money and things, only to find himself alone and wanting.  And, I was there to watch his process of recognizing that dying is a necessary part of every person’s life.  One way or another we will all die.

The question is not whether we will die. It is how we will die.  And, there I was seeing someone, face to face, realizing that it is impossible to reject this fact.  It is a fact that one cannot reject any more than one can reject one’s self.  So, I asked my self, what am I to learn from my experience with Charles?

At first I could not over come an all-consuming sense of despair as I looked at the pain I could see in his eyes.  But, then I realized that a simple shift in my perspective would easily blow the dark hanging cloud from the scene.  This lesson was indeed about choosing how I would die.

As I listened to Charles speak I could see that he was in the process of teaching me that how I decided to live my life would affect the way I would end it.  And, that simple mental shift allowed me to glean some life changing lessons that I could share with you. 

The first lesson is that there is necessary and unnecessary suffering.  Charles documented the way he had lived the “rules of our society” with exactness.  What he failed to see was that the rules he had followed were arbitrary rules designed by people.  They are not the natural order of things, universal law.  It made me ask, “Why am I doing what I do?  Is it to simply follow a societal norm or am I doing what I do to give me fulfillment now and in the future?”

Second, loss is one thing and regret is another.  Charles was in the process of spending his fortune in an effort to stop his feelings of regret.  The more he spent, the more money he lost.  But, no amount of spending or loss can offset regret.  There is no way a person can go back in time to say or do something they regret not doing in the past.  We should all ask ourselves what it is we will regret not doing if we were to find out we are going to die today.  We can avoid regret by paying attention to our decisions, one at a time.

Third, take a palliative approach to living.  Focus on what it is that provides you with relief.  When you’re in the process of discovering this don’t over look the insignificant or the simple.  Design your life toward it.  My friend Bill, from Ventura County, found that when he wasn’t living in a palliative way he was miserable.  So, he redesigned his life so he could surf every day.  As a result, his personal, family and professional lives are all thriving.  What is it that will provide a shock of beauty for you all the way to the end? 

Fourth, love such palliative moments and your life ferociously.  Just because we all must die doesn’t mean we need to live a life lacking imagination.  A focus on forces larger that ourselves will allow us to regain perspective along with a sense of daily awe.  How long has it been since you took the time to look up into the night sky to absorb the beauty of the stars?  Let yourself delight in the crazy grandeur of being alive.

Fifth, make the knowledge that we all will die an unbreakable bond between you and everyone else.  This one bond will open the door to greater humility and forgiveness, the ability to take friendships more seriously, be grateful you can feel pain (that you can feel anything at all), stop holding a grudge, realize what you’re doing in each precious moment, get in touch with the absurdity and silliness of it all, laugh at yourself and to come to terms with the fact that you can’t control everything.

Finally, my experience with Charles taught me that the object of each life is to live well and to create space to make life a process of crescendo all the way to the end, and that small things aint that small at all. 

Stalled?

Ginger, a little chestnut pony

Stalled?

Ginger, a little chestnut pony, poked her head around the corner as I drove up.  I’m not sure why it was a surprise to me.  She is more often than not standing in that same little stall.  Still, it was a beautiful spring day.

There were light clouds billowing above as if to punctuate a deep blue background.  A light breeze also made the mid-sixties-temperature very comfortable for the other horses, cows and alpaca to munch the sweet new-growth grass in the surrounding pastures.  These alternative, favorable surroundings caused my stupefied response to Ginger’s decision to lurk in the contrasting, sterile confines of a darker enclosure.

Before I started taking care of Ginger that same stall was her whole world.  Her owner would come infrequently and give her a lacking amount of food and water.  She was alone and starving there.  I watched as her weight dropped and I soon I knew that something had to be done about it.  So, I began feeding her.

Then, one day when her owner happened to come by I took a chance.  “You know.”  I said.  “I’m here every day taking care of my animals.  I know how far away you live.  Perhaps I can just take care of Ginger while I’m at it?”

“Wow.  That would help me a lot.”  He replied.

That was the beginning of a new life for Ginger.  A life of plenty, filled with good food, water and companionship because I tied her stall gate open and framed a new gate so she could come over to my place whenever she wanted. It wasn’t long before she her coat was shining and her belly was rotund.   It was good to see her healthy and strong again.

I looked at her nose reaching out of the shadow as she sniffed the fresh spring air, her eyes sparkling bright, as she looked at me questioning her.  I walked over to the watering trough and began to fill it.  She stood in the same place for a time.  Then, she walked over to say hello and get a drink of fresh water.  She shook herself all over and her ears shot up and forward, telling me that she was happy and comfortable.  She was giving me the answer to my question!

She was telling me that she isn’t any different from you and me!  We all have our comfortable places.  We stay there because they’re familiar to us. We know what to expect.  Then, once in a while something may entice us to move out and away, to try something new and different.

Ginger comes out a couple of times every day.  She gets what she needs, green grass, sunshine and fresh water, but her stall is her place of comfort, safety and refuge.  She chooses to be there.  I smiled, as I got her message.

But. her choice caused me to ask myself an important question.

“Has my desire for the comfortable become a trap?  Am I hiding in place?”

Ginger has offered you and me and opportunity to ask ourselves if we’ve become stalled!  Should we venture out from our places of comfort more often so we can graze on greener grass and drink fresh water?  

I’d like to have my eyes to sparkle just like Ginger’s .   How about you?

Vaulting Toward Success

“When the rest of the world pushed me aside, Special Olympics created a path for me to succeed and has allow me to achieve.” – Amber Gertsch

Vaulting Toward Success

Jordyn Wieber, 2012 Olympic Gold Medal Gymnast and 2011 World Champion, was just in front of me during the NCAA Regional Gymnastics Championships as UCLA rotated to compete on the vault.  Though she is no longer competing, she was working to prepare a path for the success of the UCLA gymnasts as they warmed up to compete the event.  I watched her work quickly and carefully, as gymnast after gymnast raced down the runway just after she made essential adjustments for each one.  Then, I saw her eyes light up and her joy become seemingly boundless as she celebrated the personal success of each individual athlete.

The sight caused me to hasten back to my recent lunch meeting with another Olympian, Amber Gertsch.  You, as well as almost all others, will most likely not know this Olympian’s name.  She didn’t complete in the London Games.  She has never been signed to a worldwide sports apparel promotion contract.  But, she, like Jordyn, is working to create a path for others to succeed.  During lunch, I asked her why she wanted to help other Special Olympians and what it was that she loved about Special Olympics.

She answered,   “When the rest of the world pushed me aside, Special Olympics created a path for me to succeed and has allow me to achieve.”

She went on to describe some of the personal challenges she’s faced in her life, both physical and intellectual.  I listened to her story and felt her triumphs and trials as she recounted her journey.  And, just as each athlete reaches a culmination at the end of his or her game or performance, she delivered a notable message for my ears.

“I may be disabled, but I can still achieve!”

The entire UCLA gymnastics team was gathered in front of me after their last athlete had landed from the vault.  I watched as they cheered and were jubilant with each other because of their success.  Yes.  I saw that, but I saw more.  I saw Amber’s perfectly articulated lesson in front of me.

Not one of the gymnasts competing in the 2016 NCAA Regional Gymnastics Championships would have been in Salt Lake City competing without the help of someone else, someone to create a path for them.  I watched many gifted athletes and saw how each differed from the others.  Some stood out as exceptional while others failed to reach their own desired level of performance on this single night.  But, they were all there because of their achievements, yet not one of them would have achieved their success without the devotion and caring of family, friends, coaches and strangers.

No.  I didn’t know any of this nights competitors personally, but that’s another important part of Amber’s lesson taught.  We, you and I, will surely never know all the people who will benefit from our good work to create a path for their success and achievement.  That’s not important.  What is important is that we must not allow the world to push our efforts to do good for others aside.