Cromar's Principle

Doug Cromar’s parents knew how to hand-craft an exceptional life.

Cromar’s Principle

As I approached Doug Cromar’s home from, what still feels like a country lane in Holladay, I could feel something different.  Sure, the home was beautiful.  Yet there was something else about it.  Something I couldn’t quite capture the essence of, until Doug escorted me through more than halls and walls.  He guided me through well-crafted steps of building an exceptional life.

“My father built every part of this house with his own hands.” Doug said as he walked me from corner to corner of the home and its expansive grounds.  “He and my mother spent their lives reading ‘Consumer Reports.’  They understood how important it was to focus on quality.”

As we walked, talking about the details of each room, more details of the man and woman who created them were revealed.  They became the spirit of the place.  And, I soon recognized that it was their abiding spirit giving the property and its attached home the special essence I couldn’t identify by simply looking from the outside, from the ribbon of asphalt leading to it.  That spirit is something every one of us can emulate and absorb as part of our own essence.  I call it, the “Cromar Principle” of life-building and growing.

“My Dad just kept planting trees!”  Doug said as we walked past a still not fully-grown tree swaying slightly in the near garden.  And, this tree was joined by many others to create a feeling of serenity and cover.  That was the moment I realized the second tenant of the Cromar Principle.  No matter your age, make sure to continue creating refuge and beauty for yourself and those to come.

“My Dad had me dig the crawl space for the part of the house.”  Doug pointed out as we continued, from the adjacent garden, toward the rear of the house so we could walk inside.  “This is where my mom and dad would sit by the fire in the evenings together.”  It is a cozy space, surrounded by a deck and of course, the garden. 

“Give yourself a place to rest and dream,” I reverently whispered to myself recognizing the third tenant of the Cromar Principle.  It was a thought fitting of this place, a spot to feed one’s soul, to be so close to the kitchen.  And, we walked just slightly toward the setting sun into the kitchen.

Yes.  I could see fine cabinetry and exceptional appliances in this culinary space.  They were the first things to tug at the eye.  But, they didn’t capture my attention.  What captured my attention was something much more subtle.  The joints of the door frames were perfect!  They were so perfect, it was as if the frames were made of one piece!

“Of course, there has been expansion and contraction throughout the years.  Weather naturally causes that to happen.  But, look how solid these joints remain!”  Doug said as he noticed me looking at them in detail.

“Your father didn’t just build this house.  He hand-crafted it!”  I replied.

“It’s something you don’t see anymore.”  Doug answered.

That’s a little something he’s qualified to say, too.  After all, he’s a highly skilled engineer and has more than thirty years of experience in site development, construction, remodels and reconstruction.  He understands the importance of the small.  The importance of detail.

“The fourth tenant of the Cromar Principle!  Focus on fitting even the smallest details of your life so they will stay snug through the inevitable expansions and contractions of life.”  I thought as we continued our discussion.

Doug, his son, his cousin and a family friend were all there with us.  I watched as they talked and remembered.  They were there to support each other.  They were there to pay tribute.  They demonstrated the final tenant of the Cromar Principle.  “Involve others, integrate their hopes, dreams and work with your own.  Doing so will expand your horizons and love in boundless ways” I said to myself as I walk through the front door and down the brick paved walk toward my car with Doug.

As I left the Cromar family home, walking to my car, on what still feels like a country lane, in Holladay, I felt something different.  Sure, the home was beautiful.  Yet there was something else about it.  Something I couldn’t quite capture the essence of until Doug escorted me through more than halls and walls.  He guided me through well-crafted steps of building an exceptional life through the Cromar Principle of life-building and growing.

Sleeping Upon a Sword?

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How dare you! – My own ego talking

Sleeping Upon a Sword?

It seemed every morning held the same pain.  My shoulders, hips, neck and arms would begin to ache at about 3:30 am.  The discomfort would cause me to awaken.  Then, the hurt would continue throughout the day, until exhausted, I would collapse back into the bed at night, only to repeat the cycle again.

I tried many mattresses, thinking that there would be that one, the one that would break this painful, exasperating cycle.  None of them did!  Then, something unusual happened.  A story I’d known, taught to me by my parents at an early age, came brightly to mind.

It is the story of two peoples, who became so angry with each other that they fought voraciously.  At the tipping point of their conflict, they fought all day and when the night came their anger caused them to sleep “upon their swords.”

And, on the next day, they fought again until night came.

That night, it was as if they were drunk with anger, just as if they were in a drunken stupor. So, they slept again upon their swords.

The next day they fought once more; and when the night came, they had all been killed by the sword, except for fifty-two of one side, and sixty-nine of the other side.

That night, they slept upon their swords again.  The next day they fought again, and they contended with each other, with all of their strength, with their swords, all that day.

And, when the night finally arrived again, there were only thirty-two left in one group and twenty-seven left in the other!

That night, the survivors ate and slept, preparing for their own deaths on the next day. All of the women and children had already been killed in the conflict. Only the largest, strongest men were left.

As the sun rose, the combatants dragged weary bodies back to their mindless battle and fought during the final three hours of their lives.  Finally, they all fainted from the loss of blood!  They could no longer continue, so they rested.

When the men of the smaller band had revived enough that they could walk, they were about to flee for their lives; but the leader of the larger crew arose, with his men, and he swore in his anger that he would kill the opposing leader, or he would, himself, die by the sword.

So, he and his band chased their enemies as they ran.  The next day, the group with a greater number, overtook their foe; and they fought in desperation again. Finally, everyone had died except the two contending leaders. And, one of them lay, passed-out due to loss of blood.

When the one conscious leader had rested upon his sword a little, he finally cut off the head of his final enemy, whose body was so full of hate that, even without its head, pushed itself up on its hands, gasped for breath and died.

Finally, at that same moment, the last man, still consumed by hate and anger fell dead on the spot.

How did my parents know the outcome of this poignant tale?  One person made the decision not to sleep upon, or even lift a sword!  And, he related this story in writing to pass it on to my parents, you and me. 

His abstinence from the strife, abounding in his contemporary society, and willingness to share his internally absorbed lessons, reveal an alternative course, allowing you and me to choose to say, “I don’t want live such a life!” 

New understanding gleaned from this ageless teacher dawned upon my heart and mind as I rehearsed the story and its timeless principles in my mind.  Its dew nurtured new enlightenment which overwhelmed my heart.  That was the moment I knew I had to let my ego rest, so I could begin to live, filled with joy and hope again.  I could no longer let the feeling of “How dare you!” have space in my life.

It seemed every morning held the same pain, up until now, when I accepted this life changing realization!  As a result, my shoulders, hips, neck and arms stopped aching at about 3:30 am.  Discomfort ceased to awaken me, as soon as I let my ego rest, finally!  Only then did the perceived hurt, supposedly inflicted by my “assumed” enemies, become exhausted! My own vicious cycle finally collapsed, because I stopped “sleeping upon my sword.”  Funny how not sleeping on a huge chunk of metal can change one’s life!

I tried everything else I could think of to break the exasperating, and life sucking, cycle of being consumed by anger.  And, one day, something unusual happened.  A story I’d known, taught to me by my parents, beginning in my earliest years, came vividly to mind, to awaken me from my own comparable stupor.

Its remembrance and enlightening power caused me to stop!  Stop sleeping upon my own sword!