“Everyone on our team brought an important piece to complete the puzzle!” -  Matt Donaldson

Puzzled

“It has been a long three years!”  Matt said.

Matt and his partners were teetering on the edge of their years-long-work imploding.  That’s the point where he called his closest friends and asked them for help.  They responded. 

“There isn’t anything in this for me.”  One friend said, before continuing, “I’m in!”

There were six such friends who stepped in to offer their expertise and work to do everything they could to create something past just success.  Most importantly, they cemented their friendship as well.

“Everyone brought something special.  They all added their unique piece to fill in the seemingly lost pieces to the puzzle.  We could not have found success without everyone!

Matt went on to list the seven steps he’s been able to identify to help us solve our puzzle of building and maintaining friendships.

First, show yourself as friendly. Matt is convinced that it takes energy and effort on our part. He’s found that few want to take the first step and reach out first. So, if you want friends, make the first move! Reach out and introduce yourself first.

Call an old acquaintance first and ask if they’d be up for meeting at the local restaurant for breakfast. The point here is to be the first one to make the move. Not all will respond, but if you keep trying, someone will take you up on your offer and that’s when you’ll find a possibility for deeper connection.

Second, learn to find common ground. Recognize that there will be differences between two people in any relationship.  Expect this! People are designed uniquely as a result of their life experiences. Don’t emphasize your differences; rather look for similarities.

Are there things you can talk about that both of you are passionate about? Are there hobbies you both enjoy? Are there similarities in family structures? Do you share any history together? Use these similarities as a springboard for conversations that will lead to meaningful relationship.

Third, learn to be authentic. As you navigate the waters of friendship, make sure you’re keeping it real. Tell the truth about yourself and your struggles.  Listen carefully to others as they do the same. Truthfully, we all have areas of our lives in which we are stuck. It might be our marriage, parenting dilemmas, or other failures. Life presents enough room for all of us to make errors of judgment and lapses of character. Hiding and friendship are not compatible bedfellows.

Let’s be clear here. Don't hang all your dirty laundry out in one afternoon, but instead look for opportunities to reveal the truth about who you are and who you’ve become, and even who you desire to be.  This will allow authentic friendship to thrive!

Fourth, choose to be transparent and vulnerable. No one wants to develop relationships in which there is an absence of honesty. Choose to not hide. Frankly, although it might appear that we have it all together in all the complicated areas of our lives, we don't if we’re honest.

Fifth. Make friends without an agenda. I know in some form or fashion, we are all engaged in sales. We sell our products and services to family and our friends. But, when we’re looking for meaning that comes from friendships, we must be willing to look for deep connection without an agenda. If we do choose to lay aside our desire for financial gain in our meetings, it will come with the rewards of genuine authenticity.  Our agenda should be genuine concern for the other.

Sixth.  Keep confidences. If we choose to reveal a secret to someone outside the circle of friendship without permission, and our friend hears about that breach, we lose trust. When trust is lost, the possibility of a close authentic relationship is not possible. When we hear a confidence, we must hold it close to our hearts and value the trust that was given to us. Guard that information as a sacred trust.

Seventh. Place yourself in the right position for facilitating friendships. Staying home and eating potato chips on the sofa while binge watching Netflix will not get the job done.  Actively look for situations that foster the kind of friendships you’re seeking; to become the kind of person that will make change in our world.

Everyone has something special to bring.  Everyone can add their unique piece to fill in the lost pieces necessary to solve the fluid puzzles presented by our chaotic world.  We can never have the greatest success possible without everyone.

Are you willing to add your piece to the puzzle?