“I’ve been battling macular degeneration in my eyes.” – Jay Samak

Dot-to-Dot

“Have you talked with Jay recently?” Cad asked.

“I talked with him just a week, or so ago.”  I replied.

“Then you know he’s losing his vision?”  Cad followed.

“No!” I said in a tone of disbelief.  “I’ve been talking with him quite a bit and he’s never said a thing to me about that!”

Because of that brief conversation with Cad Cauley, shadowy laden memories began to drift into the forefront of my consciousness, like an abating fog.  Things that should have acted as clues, suddenly connected.  You know, like those dot-to-dot drawing puzzles? 

It all started during last year’s holiday season.  I would call and leave voice messages for Jay to get back to me.  It would be three or four days before he would call me back.  I began to worry.

When we did talk he explained it all away saying, “I’m on a family vacation for a few weeks.”

“Good for you!” I said to him with understanding in my heart.

Then, the holiday season ended.  But, the slow-to-return calls didn’t.  When I finally spoke with Jay again he explained it all away with, “I’ve sold my company.  It’s taking me a lot of time to get my office cleaned out.”

Again, I was happy for him.  Glad he was able to enjoy time with his family, as well as his ability to have time to do the things he loved to do.  Still, I could feel a little nagging in the back of my mind, telling me that things were not as they appeared. And while I was a little surprised by Cad’s revelation, I knew what he was telling me was right.  I was embarrassed as well.  Shamed that I hadn’t connected the dots on my own.  That’s when I made another call to my friend Jay.

“I heard a rumor.”  I started. “It’s my understanding that you’ve begun to lose your eyesight.”

“I’ve been battling macular degeneration in my eyes.” Jay responded back. “I lost my driver’s license a couple of months ago.  I can’t read very well.  I can’t even go anywhere without hiring a driver.”

My heart was breaking as I listened to him explain the huge changes and challenges he was facing.  To make matters worse, he was dealing with me, a visually challenged friend.  Someone who claimed to be his friend, yet couldn’t see clearly enough to recognize the needs of one of his own buddies.  I vowed to do better.

I listened as Jay told me of his upcoming trip to Boston, to consult with one of the world’s macular degeneration innovators.  How he was coordinating her care plan with that of a colleague in the Moran Eye Center in Salt Lake City.  He described his hopes and dreams of being able to obtain the help he needs to be able to see better again.  And, through it all, I was formulating my own care plan, a plan to enhance my own vision, related to being a better friend.

Perhaps one of the main differences between my lack of vision and that of my friend, is that Jay is experiencing a physical phenomenon.  Mine physical vision is just fine.  I’ve just been experiencing a temporary case of opaque-spot-removal; being blind to one who needs me.

Talking with Jay directly, about his medical condition, was the first step in clearing my friendship vision.  Now, I’m introducing supplements to my care plan.  Not vitamins for my body, but attentive care to add vitality and encouragement to our friendship.  You might say, I’m taking things one step at a time, to be there when my friend needs me.  Just as Cad is.

“Have you talked with Jay recently?” Cad asked.

“I talked with him just a week or so ago.”  I replied.

“Then you know he’s losing his vision?”  Cad followed.

“No!” I said in a tone of disbelief.  “I’ve been talking with him quite a bit and he’s never a thing to me about that!”

“I’m going to stop in to visit him at his house tonight!”  Cad continued.

That comment and visit were the first two clear dots.  The ones opening my eyes to others that will surely become visible as I look for them.  After all, it is very difficult to see what you aren’t looking for.  But the entire picture of how to best help a friend in need can become clearer by traveling together, from one dot to the next.

You know, like those dot-to-dot drawing puzzles?