Losing, And, Finding Yourself

“I’ve lost my keys.  I guess I’ll need to retrace my steps.” – Shavere Marinski

Losing, And, Finding Yourself

“I’ve lost my keys!”  My friend Shav said as we were talking on the phone together.  “It isn’t the first time.”  He continued.

Shav was talking about his car and house keys.  But those aren’t the only kinds of things that can be lost.  Since it was he and I talking and we’re close friends, I also remembered a time not long ago when we were having a very different conversation.

“I’m just at my wit’s end!” Shav explained with his head bowed toward the table we were sitting on.  “I seem to have completely lost myself!  My happiness and purpose have fled.”

Now I was listening to him outline the steps he was going to take to find his keys.  And, I marveled that they were the same steps he took to find meaning in his life again. Discovering that the formula for finding his keys, as well as himself, was the same was a substantial eye-opener. Here is his simple, yet powerful formula.

First, he began by retracing his steps.  Shav spent some quiet, internal time, walking mentally backward, from the exact moment where he first recognized his loss, vividly reviewing each step, one at a time, until he discovered some clues as to where he had last had what he was looking for.

Second, he next physically followed the path he had intellectually mapped out in sequence.  For example, Shav went to his closet and looked in the pockets of the last trousers he’d worn.  When what he’d lost wasn’t there, he simply followed his mental map and took the next step.

Third, as he was following his path he talked with others around him, asking if they’d seen what he’d lost.  One thing of import here is that even though those he approached didn’t know where what he lost was, they were really anxious to help him. After all, loss is universal to all. That meant he increased his capacity to work toward his success immediately when the very first person he spoke with volunteered to be of assistance!

Finally, he dedicated time and action to find what was lost. In other words, he decided to really focus on recovery and he found that engaging in the process itself generated new purpose and passion which grew with each small step he took!  There are a couple of other take-aways here.  

While finding lost keys is important and, in some cases, even imperative, finding keys often pales in comparison to Shav’s struggle to once again find happiness and meaning. In that specific regard here’s what Shav’s experience additionally illuminates.

When you find something, a goal or passion, you’re in love with, you automatically find the strength, passion, the courage, to go up against the constant tests that come at you every day.  When Shav became anxiously engaged in rediscovering joy he was transformed, not completely in an instant, but by gaining strength, step by step.

With each step forward, he discovered that his greatest personal power was hidden behind the thing he feared the very most; that he’d never again he happy!  Confronting this fear head-on allowed him to discover that he never would have awakened the talent secreted deep within himself had he not confronted the abysmal darkness he courageously chose to challenge.  And, it all started as soon as he decided to take even the smallest of all steps forward; retracing his steps back to a point where he remembered having what he once had.  Then, each incremental step increased his strength to continue on.

“I’ve found my keys!”  My friend Shavere Marinski said, just a day or so after our last conversation. But, as he was announcing this good news, I realized it wasn’t the most important thing he’s been able to reconcile recently.  And, I smiled, while enjoying the satisfied feeling in my heart, as I remembered a time, not long ago, when we were celebrating the recovery of his joy.

He had lost, and found himself again.