Neighborly Advice

The day I realized being an adult didn’t mean I have all of life’s answers

Neighborly Advice

“We all want the same thing.”  The voice said to me through the speaker of my phone.

I thought this was the case.  But, there were more people involved that just the two of us.  In fact, there were now six different people in the mix.  And, while five of us were working together there was one who seemed to be working toward an unknown objective.

I say an unknown objective quite loosely.  Because he knew his objective. It was just that the other five of us, all of whom shared one common goal, couldn’t comprehend what that other one’s, more and more, seemingly stand-alone objective was.  This caused the other five of us to become confused and feel helpless as we searched for a solution to our dilemma.  The dilemma of not knowing all of the answers.

Before I became old.  Before I was even sort of old, when I was a child, I thought adults had all of the answers.  Then I became one.  An adult, I mean.  I knew I still didn’t have all of the answers, but I thought as I aged that perhaps I’d awaked to a moment when I’d have them all.  And now that I can easily tell others that I look great for one-hundred and two years of age, and be believed, I still find myself in the same position.  I don’t have all of the answers!  Coincidentally, over the past two weeks, the four other people, working with me toward that common goal and at least one other adult have told me they don’t have all the answers either.

This dilemma is what my friend Ron Mitchell, one of the foremost experts in business development and entrepreneurship, calls “Unknown, Unknowns.”  And, over the years I’ve learned that Unknown, Unknowns aren’t exclusive to business.  They’re one of the constants we all share as humans.  So, here we go.  I’ve been thinking through the following five steps almost constantly over the past three weeks. I hope they help you stride into and through the darkness of the unknown as well. 

First.  Ask yourself, “What can I do?”  The often-unknown corollary here is to not simply ask the question, but to follow up with the “And-Thinking” that must be combined with doing to be effective.  For example, when the person, we’ve been working with, would’nt move forward with us we had to acknowledge that he wasn’t working with us, that we needed to continue to work with him, and we could move forward in other ways we hadn’t explored yet.  And-Thinking has a mind-expanding effect.  Give it a try.

Second. Take the initiative. That’s often hard to do when you’re thinking you may be stepping into the great abyss!  When that happens take a deep breath and remember that such thinking is a mind-trick.  My friend Anthony Browness vividly demonstrated this to me through virtual reality.  He put a 2X6 board flat on the floor of his game room, put a virtual reality headset on me and asked me to walk that “plank” between two skyscrapers, with helicopters buzzing me!  While experiencing this my mind knew I was only two inches off the floor, but all of my other senses would not believe it!  I had to take the initiative to keep walking.  Otherwise I would have been needlessly frozen on that board forever.  Taking the initiative to move forward confirms that you really do have the ability to succeed by moving forward.

Third.  Remind yourself of the good things.  Having an attitude of gratitude will keep you feeling good, even if you’re experiencing more challenge that good.  Make sure to set a specific time every day to simply relish the good you’re experiencing.  See how it makes you feel.

Fourth.  Recognize the power you feel as a result of your walk forward.  It’s one thing to feel good about external accomplishes, but there is nothing more powerful than allowing yourself to discover and take note of your internal accomplishments.  I’ve begun to keep an old photo of myself and a friend on my desk.  It was taken by Keith and Diane Merrill, two of my dearest friends, in their Santa Ana home in 1978.  They sent it to me recently and it reminds me of how much I’ve grown.  Keith and Diane, now in their eighties, told me that they’re still learning and growing every day when we talked on the phone just about one week ago.

Fifth.  Accept help from those around you!  Nothing makes you feel more alone than actually living alone.  I felt a huge rush of relief when my friend Scott Hanson ran interference for me earlier this week.  I marveled at his skill and clear-headed thinking.  He removed a huge burden by being in the moment with me.  His experience allowed him to say and do the right things when I was completely at a loss.  Don’t allow yourself to needlessly live alone accept help.

I wasn’t alone when I heard the voice say, “We all want the same thing.”  The voice was right!  We all want to know that even though we know we don’t have all of the answers.  Even though there will always be Unknown, Unknowns, we can conquer whatever we don’t know by following these five-known-steps.

They’re just a little Neighborly Advice.