Thermometer or Thermostat?

“While I was never part of their group, I respected them for the strength they held in their core beliefs.” – Michael Sears

Thermometer or Thermostat? 

“It seems as if all of our institutions have shifted and they’re failing right before our eyes!”  Michael said to me as we were enjoying each other’s company while having lunch together.

I could understand why he had come to such a conclusion as he shared his recent experiences.  At the same time, I was about to experience an unexpected, yet important side-benefit from our lunch-time conversation and it caused me to listen to and explore the idea of, as well as the human need for, belonging more deeply.  

Belonging to something bigger than one’s self, a group or institution, is an important element of what it means to be part of the human family and experience.  Michael’s food-infused stories revealed at least five essential, important tenets of “Michael’s Principle of Belonging,” so I hungrily listened as he fed them to me.

“I never seemed to believe the same things as the majority of others in my childhood community.”  Michael expressed to me, as he began our conversation.  “That was always really hard for me as it made me feel as if I were an outsider.”

He went on to describe more of the personal challenges he faced as a result.

“I know what it feels like to hit rock-bottom.  I’ve experienced such pain personally!  It wasn’t until I came to really understand, and accept, my own personal value that was able to flourish.”  He continued. “Experience has taught me that in in order for a person to be part of something larger than him or herself, the other members of the group have to value them for who they really are.”

That’s the main tenet of belonging to a human centric group or institution.  It is essential to Michael’s Principle of Belonging.

“The next thing I’ve come to appreciate, even though I never held the same core beliefs of my early-life community, is how much I had come to rely on the consistency of the people surrounding me!” He explained.  “While I didn’t share the beliefs of my neighbors, I truly respected them for their, ‘this is what I believe and I don’t care if you agree with me attitude.’  I’ve just recently been able to comprehend what an important stabilizing force their belief-continuity has been in my life.”

That’s Michaels’ Second Tenet.  A person, belonging to any community, has a reciprocal obligation to value the genuine personality of the other members in the group.

Speaking of personal responsibility, Michael said, “I’ve recently discovered my role in that same community!  I’ve become a bridge, of sorts.  There are times when members of our community can’t understand the position of others.  That’s when I’ve found myself stepping in to act as peace maker because I love, understand and value competing ideas.”

Michael’s third tenet is: It is the responsibility of each group member lead out with love.

“It seems as if all of our institutions have shifted and they’re failing right before our eyes!”  Michael said to me, with love and compassion in his eyes, as we were enjoying each other’s company while having lunch together.

When our time together had ended, my thoughts around what he had taught me didn’t end.  I couldn’t quite capture a tie-down, a certain, simple analogy that would allow me to bind all the lessons, he’d taught me, together into one simple, long-lasting, impactful picture.  That’s when I looked at my car’s dash board while preparing to leave the restaurant parking garage on that same wintry, snow-blown day.

First, I checked the outside temperature reading.  When I saw how cold it was, I next turned my hand from the ignition button to the thermostat, just to the lower right, so I could turn it to increase the comfort level in my car.

“Am I a thermometer or a thermostat like Michael?”  I asked myself right after this movement and realization allowed me to internally absorb what Michael had been teaching me.

Adhering to Michael’s Principle of Belonging also means that you and I can also follow its fourth and fifth tenet’s.  People who want to make a difference in the lives of others don’t have the luxury of simply registering changes related to life’s interactive temperatures.  They, like Michael, seize the opportunity, have the ability, and obligation to turn up the thermostat of their love and understanding, so they can make a noticeable difference in their communities and relationships.  If we will, then we’ll make both stronger and they’ll never fail.