Self Determination

“After my husband left I found out it was me making the mess in our house.”

Sheryl Hornock

Self Determination

My friend Sheryl’s husband was just activated by the military and is now serving overseas.  He is a good husband, father, and pastor of one of our local churches.  I really don’t know him, but I know about him because of my association with Sheryl.  I know Sheryl fairly well because she and I work in the same business and share the same business coach and our coaching sessions have  given me an opportunity to learn a great deal from Sheryl.

During one of our recent interactions, Sheryl made the comment, “After my husband left I found out it was me making the mess in our house.”

This simple statement really made an impact on me.  No! It wasn’t that I discovered that Sheryl is messy.  I know she isn’t messy.  In fact, she is one of the most well organized people I know.  Its impact was more far reaching than that.  It demonstrated individual responsibility and the empowerment that it brings.

I have found in my own life that if I spend my time looking for someone else to take accountability for my world that it leads to blame and unhappiness.  But, when I exercise the God given power of self determination then I am filled with happiness and peace.  Isn’t that what you and I want?

Is it possible for us to decide the important questions in our lives through reflection and choice or are we forever destined to have our futures depend on accident or force?  It’s a simple question to answer, but it must be answered a hundred times each day.  Here are three things that I’ve found to be helpful to rise to such occasions:

First, when things don’t seem to be going all that well and I’m feeling frustrated with my life in general I ask myself the question, “What am I trying to avoid?”  I have to ask that question to myself a lot!  The thing is, the longer I wait to ask myself this question, the more time my brain has to “create a mountain out of a mole hill.”  I’m practicing asking that question sooner and more often every day.

Second, when I am avoiding something, after I’ve let it grow to the size of the Himalayas, I force myself to put it at the top of my list of “to-dos” so I can put it behind me as soon as possible.  As I’ve been doing this I’ve learned an important thing.  My worries are always much larger than the real thing!  So, I’m becoming more confident in this process each time I follow it.

Third, when I find myself in “blame mode” (the mode of blaming the government, my wife, my kids, the weather, etc.)  I’ve started asking myself, “What can I do to move forward?”  This has caused me to look at options that my “closed mind” never sought out!  It’s been a wonderful revelation and I’ve done things I never dreamed were possible!

What is possible for you?  Begin to practice using these steps today and see if the impossible begins to happen in your life.  If you will, I think you’ll be able to join Sheryl and me in saying, “I found out it was me making the mess in my house!”