Balancing out the Negative Things

“Life for the average American has never been better.” – Roy F. Baumeister

Balancing out the Negative Things

“If anyone has a reason to have a negative outlook on life right now, it is Kyle!”  I said to myself as I walked in his office.

I was looking forward to spending some time talking to my friend Kyle Christensen.  We hadn’t had a chance to speak since he told me about his appointment with his doctor.  When he told me about his appointment, to get a formal diagnosis, he already had a strong intuition of what the diagnosis was.  Still, thinking you know what the diagnosis is, is far different from hearing it confirmed!

I know this from direct experience.  And, my experience is, that even when you believe you’re prepared for “the worst,” the ensuing emotion is often times a huge surprise to many people. 

When it happened to me, I really underestimated the emotional side of hearing the dreadful “C” word as it drifted my way, from my doctor’s mouth.  In fact, I remember, very clearly, hearing the diagnosis, taking it calmly, driving home, and then sitting on my living room sofa, only to be hit in the face by a stream of tears and halted breathing.  And, looking back on the experience, I can see that perhaps having someone there, who had been through it, who understands the experience, to sort of hold my hand would have been a real comfort.  That’s why I wanted to be there with my close friend!

I sat directly across from Kyle for this conversation.  I can’t tell you everything, but I can tell you that, as is almost always the case when I talk with him, he gave me invaluable and surprising insight.

“I’ve put myself on a 99-day program.”  Kyle said as we talked about how he’s focusing on moving forward with his life in a positive way.  “I started once before, but didn’t keep on track so I started again and I can feel changes in my body!”

You see, Kyle did his own research and is following a well-defined path, based on what he discovered.  And, his discovery just happens to corroborate research first published in 2001 by Roy F. Baumeister about “the negativity effect.” 

The premise of his research is “that bad things are so powerful that they can override good.  In fact, years, or even decades of good will can be swept away by a negative encounter or event.

What Kyle has in common with the findings of Roy Baumeister, is the discovery that “general pessimism about society is a trick of the mind.  Things are not as bad as they seem, but people are always clamoring to get attention by saying there’s a crisis around the corner.”

Kyle, in spite of his illness, has recognized that his life is actually quite good today!  After all, he (as do we) live in a time when we enjoy peace, prosperity, comfort and effective medical & emotional care.  And, Kyle has made the personal determination to essentially overwhelm the bad with good, to improve his condition by eliminating the negative.

“Anger has an effect on the liver.”  Kyle explained to me.  “When a person is filled with anger, their liver can’t function properly.  That’s just one example of how I’m working to allow my body to heal itself.  I’ve already begun to feel my liver sort of “flutter” as I’ve come to terms with removing negative emotion that has built up in my live over the years!”

As he was speaking, I remembered the words written by Roy Baumeister, “Life for the average American has never been better, although you wouldn’t know this from turning on a cable news show.”

Here’s what Roy (and Kyle) prescribes for everyone:

“Remember, it’s the few bad things that have a disproportionate impact.  To improve things, start out by eliminating the negative.  Cultivating the positive is important, too, but the first thing is to avoid doing really bad things that would do lasting damage. And then remember, life is usually good, but (good) wins by force of numbers.”

“If anyone has a reason to have a negative outlook on life right now, it is Kyle!”  I said to myself as I walked in his office. 

When I walked out of his office, I realized that He and I had taken a moment to reflect on the good side, to balance out the negative things!