Selfless Pursuit of Happiness

“Even though it doesn’t directly affect me, I want to help.”

Marv Shafer

Selfless Pursuit of Happiness

You know that I write about living an abundant life a lot.  But, there are also destructive forces of abundance that can set in, when integrity starts to falter and cooperation gives way to selfish pursuits.  That happens when a person’s focus is almost exclusively on accumulating more and more without a sense as to what they want to do with their surplus, in what ever form it takes.  There was a time not long ago when I believed that our national culture had almost completely succumbed to destructive abundance, but recent events in my own neighborhood have shown me that selfless pursuits still define the people I live with.

You and I often identify with a culture, we articulate our belonging to a group and align ourselves with a shared set of values and beliefs.  It’s a way of defining ourselves.  For example, you may say, I am an American or I am a salesman.  But, have you ever thought about your belonging and identification as a neighbor?

My friend Marv Shafer called me a few days ago to speak with me about our neighborhood and showed me that the term neighborhood isn’t just a geographic description of a place to live.  Living in a neighborhood means that the residents have all come together to “fit” a particular type of culture.  Being a neighbor means something about the kind of people we are.

“Even though it doesn’t directly affect me, I want to help.” Marv said as we talked.

His words revealed the kind of person he is.  I was proud of our association, as neighbors, and he reminded me that character describes how an individual thinks, acts and interacts.  Neighborhood character is established through the interactions of the people and how they think and act as a collective.  A neighborhood of strong character will have a culture that promotes treating all people well.  When that happens the people in the neighborhood feel protected and know that their neighbors “have their backs.”

So, I thought you and I could assess how we “feel” about our own neighborhoods and what kind of work we’re doing there.  Can we change the culture of our neighborhoods from a “bedroom community” to a place where people love to live and share their lives?  The answer is a firm yes!  You and I are the leaders who decide what kind of environment we want to build.  Here’s how we can do it.

First, build an “inner circle” of neighbors that are close to you.  Give your time and resources to make a difference, one person at a time.  My friend Shelly Dahl takes the time to go door to door to meet face to face with her neighbors to show how much she cares about the issues they face in common.  Inner circles can only form with people who can see and feel each other.  This kind of trust can never be created over a telephone or other electronic communication.  As humans, we need to be able to have the full relationship experience of looking another person in the eye and shaking their hand.  This creates relationships where people will put the interests of their neighbors before their own.

My friend Mark Jackson expressed his deep appreciation for his neighbor who lent him his lawnmower for more than a month while his own was involved in a lengthy repair.  “I’ll never forget it!” He said.

Second, make sure that respect and empathy are valued over wealth, title or skill.  You and I can reinforce and encourage these traits by the way we treat our neighbors as we work to expand our circle of trust.  When I first moved into my neighborhood Traci Randall knocked on my front door and handed me a plate of just baked brownies to welcome us into the neighborhood.  She didn’t know anything about us.  She simply showed us respect by coming and empathy for our ordeal of having just moved.

Finally, recognize that if you live in a “bad” neighborhood it can be changed through good leadership.  You are the leader your neighbors have been looking for.  Don’t gamble that your neighbors “will do the right thing.”  It’s not your neighbors who will set the course if you will assume your leadership role.

If there is an air of suspicion and mistrust with your neighbors, become the example of trust they need.  Sharing is the solution.  Show everyone you live with that you’re willing to share yourself with them.  Great neighbors are the result of collaboration and sharing.  Selfless Pursuit is sharing your ideas and comfortably giving yourself to your neighbors so everyone’s life can be a Selfless Pursuit of Happiness.