Being Present Shows Respect

“Did you hang up? Wow! Thank you!
- Spencer Shaw

Being Present Shows Respect

We all live very busy lives these days! Sometimes I wish I could find a switch to flip so I could simply turn the world off for a while. I was thinking how great it would be to be able to do that and then just sit in a rocking chair on my porch for a while. That way I could rest, enjoy beauty and not get behind all at the same time.

But, I also know that I really enjoy being at the top of my game and working hard every day. I like living a fast paced life. Otherwise I would stop doing what I’m doing; and it’s clear I don’t want to stop working and I really don’t want to lessen my pace because I would miss a lot along the way.

I’ve been thinking for a couple of days, “What could I do to have and enjoy the best of both worlds? The first want being to be able to savor every part of my day and the second part, to keep up a pace that’s exhilarating and fun and bam, there was the answer!

I was working with my friend Spencer Shaw earlier this week without intention to find the answer to this conundrum. We were finalizing the next phase of a project we’ve been working on together for the past few months during a scheduled meeting when my phone rang.

The fact that my phone rang wasn’t unusual. It was my action that was unusual and I didn’t think much of it until Spencer made an immediate comment.

“Did you hang up?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Wow! Thank you!” Spencer exclaimed.

It wasn’t until that moment, when I saw his reaction that I realized how much I had been missing as a result of my “phone addiction.” I say addiction because there are very few times I don’t have my phone turned on and with me.

I‘ve lived that way for so long now that I’ve come to be blind as to how distracting it is. There is always a part of my mind waiting for a call. It is almost as if it is hungering for a call, a text, or the next contact. After all, being connected is justified. I have to do it. I don’t have a choice. If I’m not answering, the business will go to someone else. But at what’s the real cost of this addiction?

The real cost is the damage to personal relationships. Now that I think about it, I am haunted by the look of disappointment of the people I’m with when they see me answer a call. I can see the look on their face when I brush them aside to talk with someone else.

“Is the caller more important than I am?” is the thought going through their mind!

I was taught a similar lesson many years ago as a freshman in college. It was painful then and I’m surprised I didn’t see its relationship to my life now.

I had a group of friends and we’d planned to go out one weekend night. I’d made all the commitments and was excited to go with them for an evening of fun. They were counting on me to go and I knew it. Our activity required an exact number of people. It was going to be fun.

Then, just a couple of hours before we were to meet, I got the chance to go out with a girl I’d wanted to go out with. I was thrilled with the prospect of finally getting to go out with her. I jumped at the chance and made the date. It just so happened that my Father had been listening to my conversations.

As soon as I had completed confirming my new date he said, “You had a commitment! Now you’re saying to your friends that you’re their friend only until something better comes along!”
He was right.

It was too late though so I went on the date. I had a miserable time!

When Monday came I had another miserable time. I went to meet with every one of my jilted friends and apologized to them. My Father was right. I had sent an awful message to them. They had gotten it loud and clear and it took me a long time to repair the damage I had done to the relationship.

Sometimes in life the subtle things we think we do aren’t quite so subtle to those closest to us. We’re sending them little messages constantly. Sometimes it’s through our words, sometimes it’s through our actions. It doesn’t matter how the message is sent. What matters is that it is sent.

Think about the messages you’re sending to the people who are important to you. If you want to know what they are, simply take a significant moment and study the faces of those you love. You’ll see what message they’re getting.

Thank goodness I sent the right message to Spencer this one time. The message was, “Spencer, you’re important to me and what you’re helping me with is important.”

That’s the answer I’ve been looking for. I can savor the time I spend with the people that are important to me and I can get my work done as well. You can too! Make sure you’re giving the people you’re with the right message through your actions and words! It’s as easy as hanging up the phone.