Building Exceptional Value

“We should not doubt our ability to affect others in a positive way.”

-Sharla Ellis

Building Exceptional Value

Annie was sitting in the black leather seat next to me.  She had her computer open and was reading.  It reminded me of years gone by when I used to drive her to and from school.  We’d work on her homework because it was a long drive.   Both of us have fond memories of that time together.  I glanced over at her and came back to the present time as I saw that it was an all grown up version of Annie.

“What is your civic responsibility?” She said to me so I could listen to her give me the answer she was preparing to give at an upcoming scholarship pageant.

I heard another voice in my head.  “I feel as if I’ve been riding on a ticket that was paid for by others who came before me my whole life!”  My mentor, Rex Reeve said to me once.

He was a great teacher who accepted me as a teenager and then molded me into a man.  He was able to recognize valuable personal traits, that were hidden to others, and showed me how to use them so I could be of benefit to others.

“Are you paying attention to me?”  Annie said as she stopped my trip back to California in an instant.

“Yes.  What I heard you say was, ‘our community is only strong if we, as individuals, are willing to give our strength and talents to others.’”

“Right!”

“Good answer!”  I replied back.  “When a person begins to understand that they can make an impact as an individual, the world begins to change immediately!  The whole universe is based on individual growth and learning.”

“I like what Gandhi said about that!”  Annie shot back.  “Be the change you want to see in the world!”

My friend Sharla says, ‘We should not doubt our ability to affect others in a positive way.’ 

Sometimes we think we’re insignificant and can’t do anything about the way things are in the world around us.  But, the truth is that the best way for us to make a difference is to be good people.  Understanding this principle makes things much more simple.  Small things make a difference!

“Being a good neighbor is so easy!”  I said to myself as I remembered how one of my friends once made a big difference for me.  I was walking home one day when my feet hurt.  My friend Danny Idom was driving by and asked if he could give me a ride.

“Sure!” I said.

Then I marveled that he had no idea what a great thing he had done for me!  He had no way of knowing how much my feet hurt that day.  He just did it because he is a kind, gentle person.  And, he thought he was just driving his car!

My drive with Annie came to an end, but our shared relationship was about to get more valuable.  We walked into a building where we volunteered with friends to help people we didn’t know.

Helping others creates exceptional value.  But extraordinary things grow from ordinary, small things. You and I are exceptionally valuable to each other when we do small, genuine acts of kindness.

Being a Pooh-Pooh Head

“You’re a pooh-pooh head!”

-Tanner Droubay

Being a Pooh-Pooh Head

There was a sea of blue and black stretching out almost as far as my eye could see.  Such colors generally mean that a calm sea is turning into a treacherous, life threatening monster. It was not the case today.

Today, it meant just the opposite.  It was a sign of hope and a promising future.  I was looking down at the floor of a high school graduating class with the boys frocked in black and the girls dressed in blue.  It was not a day to feel blue or black.  It was a day of celebration and accomplishment.

I don’t often take the time to measure accomplishment over a period of almost eighteen years.  It can be a hard task to accurately remember how things were so long ago.  It’s too easy to forget the old reality in the sea of constant change around us.

This wasn’t the case today because there was such a vivid opening in colorful array.  One of the graduates was my friend Tanner Droubay.  I’ve known Tanner for most of his life and have watched him literally grow into a fine man.  He was sitting below with other young men down on the floor of the arena.

At an appropriate time the row Tanner was sitting on arose to promenade in a line to receive their diplomas.  I listened intently, heard Tanner’s name read and watched him receive his graduation certificate.  He was smiling broadly and it made me smile while floating away.

When I arrived at my destination it was a different scene.  I saw a small boy playing with my daughters.  I could also see myself, a younger, thinner with a fuller head of hair version; join in their play through teasing.  Warmth of memory began in my toes and grew until it washed my entire body.  It broadened my smile when I heard Tanner object to my teasing with, “You’re a pooh-pooh head!”

When I left the arena to shake Tanner’s hand and congratulate him I was still a pooh-pooh head, but he was a handsome, well mannered, educated man!  I couldn’t have asked for him to become anything more!  He has exceeded my expectations in every area of his life and his accomplishments have given me hope!

Tanner has demonstrated that if a person is willing to seek growth, their life will change dramatically over time.  They will become a person of honor, education, refinement, charm and of stout heart.  I know Tanner is continuing down this same path in his immediate future.  It’s a path I plan to follow him on. 

The path doesn’t care how old you are.  It simply matters that you choose to be on the path every day so it can transform you.  Perhaps there’s still hope for all of us!

 

Making Your Mirror Talk

“Look at your limitations and decide how you’re going to blow them away!”

-Don Whitehead

Making Your Mirror Talk

Eight of us were sitting around a long, rectangular conference room table with one single purpose.  We were there to help a friend work on a funding presentation.  He started his business in 2008, with some other talented people, and they were finding amazing success.  They were on track to produce more than one and a half million dollars in sales this year.  With a little more investment capital and the right partners they could really kick things in gear and grow their company into something really special.

All the people who were sitting around the table were also special.  They were donating their time, talent and experience to make a difference.

 If nothing else happened, they were making a difference to me.  I sat listening to their individual observations and advice with amazed captivation.  But, one comment really hit me between the eyes.

“Look at your limitations and decide how you’re going to blow them away!” Don said as we were outlining the challenges we could all see as we talked.

His words had an almost hypnotic effect on me and my mind started to drift away to another time and place.  I could see an old worn journal in front of me.  It was contained in a glass museum case.  I remembered it as clearly as if I was standing in there once again.

I had stopped in to look at a special showing of George Washington’s memorabilia in a small museum in Manhattan.  They were having an extraordinary exhibit related to President Washington.  And, out of all that was there to amaze, the one thing that caught my eye and notice was this small, hand written book; his book of “Rules of Civility.”

Whenever Mr. Washington would learn an important trait of character he would make a note of it in his book and would then work systematically to incorporate it into his own behavior and disposition.  He did so systematically and thoughtfully.  George Washington’s life is a demonstratively vivid example of the kind of great success that can be accomplished by careful adherence to Don’s wonderful advice.

So, when I got home I went to my personal library and pulled a well worn book from my bookcase.  I thumbed through the pages and reviewed President Washington’s Rules of Civility once again.  I had become lax in reviewing my own life and made a commitment to once again look at my own limitations and then decide how I am going to blow them away.

Who do you think you could become if you were to follow Mr. Washington’s example and Don’s advice?

Staring Down the Grim Reaper

“I saw the brightest light I could ever imagine and I had only one thought!”

-Jean Hjelseth

Staring Down the Grim Reaper

Jean walked into her daughter’s apartment.  She was there to visit two of the most important people in her life; her daughter and granddaughter.

“I walked in to the apartment and not long after I arrived I saw the brightest light I could ever imagine and I had only one thought!  I could not die!  I could not leave my husband, daughter and granddaughter!”

Jean had an aneurism in her brain that burst as she was standing right in the middle of her daughter’s living room.  As soon as she saw the light that was as bright as a “super nova” she collapsed in a heap onto the floor.  Her daughter called an ambulance and they rushed her to the hospital where her husband Jeff was working.  She was as close to death as a person can be and still hang on the life by the smallest of margins.

In fact, Jean’s doctor spoke with her more than a month after this incident and shook his head in disbelief as he spoke to her.  “You are a one in a million!” He said.  “There is no way you should still be alive.”

But, Jean knew better.  “I love my husband and family so much that there was just no way I was going to leave them” she said to me as we sat at a table together.

“After just six months into recovery my doctor became frustrated with me because I would not take it easy.  All I wanted to do was to get healthy again so I could be fully engaged with my family.  I would stay up all night reading everything I could on the internet so I could stimulate my brain.  It made Jeff nuts!  He would say to me, ‘What are you doing?  You need to sleep!’”

Jeff was sitting with us as part of our tête-à-tête.  I shot a quick glance at him to see his reaction as she told her story.  His face was beaming with a sort of sheepish, shy smile.  He’s a very quiet, shy person.  Still, there was no way he could hide his love for Jean.  His heart was bursting with gratitude and love as we talked.

I had some thoughts bursting within my own mind during the hour and a half we conversed.   I was trying to think of how many people I knew who have the same kind of determination Jean has.  Would I have the strength and courage to look face to face, eye to eye with the grim reaper and stare him down to defeat because of my love for other people?  Then an answer distilled my questions. 

Here I sat looking at two people in love.  I’d been working with them for a couple of months and I could tell by their everyday actions that they were devoted to each other in a special way.  I knew of their love and commitment well before I knew of the amazing story they had just shared with me.

The reality is that we all show what we’re committed to through our actions on a daily basis.  It takes real courage and dedication to make decisions that demonstrate our best intentions every day.  Sometimes it’s harder to overcome fatigue and repetition over and over again than to dream of conquering an invincible foe in dramatic fashion.  But, living a life based on a foundation of principle, love and truth will always deliver a satisfying and lasting victory while others who only chase fortune through glorious victory more often find themselves alone and wanting.

We can all choose love and life each day by demonstrating our choice through committed action no matter how weak we feel at any given moment.  When we do so, peace will engulf our hearts and assurance will enliven our future.

Instant Change

“The water heater needs to be replaced so we’ll replace it with the best water heater available.”

-      Ben Michel

Instant Change

I had been in the midst of hard negotiations on a transaction for several days and this particular morning found me beginning to tire from the rigid, unrealistic position of the other party and their agent.  It was a Monday morning and the first call of the day was another volley and another impasse.  I can remember thinking to myself, “Oh, I just want these difficult people to go away!”

As soon as this thought finished its flow across my mind I was roused by the sudden tinkling of my phone.  “Now what bad news am I going to hear?” was the phrase that blasted across my mind as an instant reaction.  I took a deep breath and answered the phone.

But there was a friendly voice reaching my ears.  When I heard the kindly tones, my body began to relax.  It was a welcome relief.  And, there was more relief coming my way as Ben continued.

“Hey Lynn, I received the inspection report and repair request you sent over yesterday.  I looked it over and then went to the house and the inspector is right.  The water heater needs to be replaced so we’ll replace it with the best water heater available.  I know that’s all you asked for, but I also went through the rest of the inspection report and decided to fix the other items as well.  They’re all small and it we’d like the home to be as nice as possible for your Clients when they move in.”

I could hardly speak, but uttered slowly, at first in surprise, and then gave a hearty, “I’ll let my Client know! Thank you for your generosity!”

My heart was calm and full of gratitude when the call ended.  I felt refreshed and encouraged again.  At the beginning of a very difficult day, one person, someone who has a fair, kind heart, someone who was willing to go above and beyond what was asked changed my whole day and outlook.  I was impressed by the quickness of the change that came inside of me.

I also made a commitment to myself to give more than what is required or asked, because I had been changed by Ben and his goodness in an instant.  You can make the same commitment.  Change the world in an instant through generosity and kindness.  It will change more than just your own life.

 

 

Buoyant History

“I’ve had a great life.”

Carol Abbott Butterfield

Buoyant History

“You were born in 1927?”  I asked.

“Yes.” She replied.

“So, you lived the first one-fourth of your life during the Great Depression and then again in the past four years?”
“Yes, but I’ve had a great life!”

This conversation has been running through my mind again and again over the past few days.  I’ve thought about it over and over; thinking about it in detail and combining it with the historical setting racing in my mind.

Carol was born just before the big stock market crash in 1929. The event ushered in the financial crisis that led to more than 25% unemployment as well as huge despair.   In fact, the people I’ve know who lived through this exigent period have never gotten over the psychological impact for their entire lives.  The economic impact was so severe that nothing really made a difference in the financial and business climate until our people began to fight for their very lives during World War II.  Talk about being hit by one huge challenge after another!  I tell you this brief narrative to point out to you that unprecedented contrasting good followed this miserable and gloomy period.

Sometimes when in the throes of life-changing events it’s hard to use personal anticipation skills to give yourself the strength to move toward a brighter future.  That’s why I wanted you to know that there were many times when Carol felt as if she was not living on the sunny side of the street.  But now, as she looks at her life in total, she feels satisfaction and joy as a result of all the good things that have woven their way through her life.

The same will be true in your life if you will allow the lessons of history to act as guideposts to demonstrate the power of personal faith.  If you are experiencing hard times, know that good times will come to you again if you simply combine optimistic vision with devotional effort.  History has taught us that offering one of these two key ingredients alone is never enough. 

But, you have both elements inside already, so you have what it takes!  Always remember that ordinary people can and will do extraordinary things.  The personal history you’re writing now will add volumes of additional evidence!

Living With a Broken Heart

“When her heart was broken it changed her whole life.”

-      L. Clark

Living With a Broken Heart

I’ve known two people who have been living with a broken heart for a long, long time.  I’m sure I know some others as well, but I just don’t know it for sure.  One of the most interesting things about my experience with these two people in particular is that if another person were to look at them, they would not be able to detect their pain in any way.

A broken heart is not like a thrombosis. There is no formation or presence of blood clots that may partially or completely block an artery or vein.  But, they do have some things in common.  One thing’s for sure, a broken heart lies deep beneath the skin and many times you can’t see any signs of it on the outside.

That’s what I’ve noticed about the two broken hearts I know.  Both of them spend their lives living as if nothing bad ever happened to them at all.  They’re like streams of goodness, giving all they have to nourish everyone around them.  I was in a meeting once and heard one of them referred to as “an angel.”  It just goes to show that there are indeed angels living among us.

Perhaps, like my two friends, all angels were once good people living fine lives when something devastating happened to them.  And, it was that overwhelming event that allowed them to change from being simply human to angelic.  All I know is that my two angels have bridged the crevasse that once ripped through their heart by enlarging it in a magical way.

When I talked with one of them in great detail about her experience she said to me, “I was hurt so badly.    I was so embarrassed by what had happened that all I wanted to do was lie hiding in bed with my covers over my head.  But I had kids to take care of so I made myself get up every day and take care of them.”

Take care of them, she did!  Now she lives in a new life filled with expanding love as new grand and great grandchildren offer her unwavering love.  She never could have conceived of this palliative while in the depths of her misery.  All of this intensification of love has come as a result of her simple choice to get up every day and completely offer herself to the other, smaller, aching hearts encircling her.

When one faces trials in life there are always two chances for intensification.  One is to choose increasing the hate and despair that are so readily offered.  The other is to choose bridging the gap by showing increased love to everyone possible.  The first always leads to a growing chasm in the afflicted heart.  I once heard a man who made such a choice referred to as “the world’s only living heart donor!”  The second leads to a magical transformation into an angelic being. 

I hope you and I will always choose to completely offer our goodness to everyone around us no matter what happens to our hearts.  If we do, there will be many more angels out there and I know they’ll be on our side.  What could be more encouraging than that?

The Glass Sentinel

“I’m looking for a job that will allow me to do what I want to do.”

-      Kyle Butterfield

The Glass Sentinel

I could smell the large trees that were surrounding me.  The fresh air seemed to be streaming right from their leaves into my nose.  It made me feel as if I was sitting in a forest in early spring and the feeling was exceptionally welcome since I had braved fog, snow and freezing cold air before I could enjoy it.  Just beyond the trees were sentinel glass barriers that kept all that gloomy winter stuff at bay.

This interior garden was enlivening to me and I needed it because the cloud darkened day was coming to a close and I still had two meetings left.  Luckily they were both in this spirit-refueling garden that was about to turn into something akin to a fortune teller.

There was a table for us to sit at during our conversation and there were two chairs that allowed us to look at each other as we talked.  The tête-à-tête was pleasant and revealing for both of us as we got to know each other better.  I learned about the other person’s business as well as his family.  I also learned about his life’s aspirations.  But, there was one curious thing.

“I am looking forward to retiring so I can do something of real value.” He said to me.

“Isn’t your working adding value to others now?” I asked.

“Yes.  But, it isn’t what I really want to do.”  He responded.

“But, if you really want to do it wouldn’t you be doing it?” I replied.

Sometimes we think that we can only do what we want to do if we are doing it as a medium of exchange for money.  Or, we think that since we spend time working for money that we’re unable to do what we really love to do.

My Nephew Kyle called me today.  He told me that he had recently graduated from college.  I know that he’s worked long and hard to get his degree!  He’s been searching for work so he can provide for his wife and their new baby.  He has an interview this coming week.

“It isn’t what I want to do.” He said.

“Why can’t you do what you want to do?” I replied.

“I haven’t found anyone who will pay me to be an illustrator!” He responded.

“Let me ask you a question,” I answered. “Do writers write?”

“Yes.”

“Do illustrators, illustrate?”

“Yes.”

“So, if you want to be an illustrator, illustrate!” I advocated.

It’s important that you become your own advocate, since we live in a world that’s cold & snowy and covered in fog.  You can look inside and illustrate our own interior garden; find what you love to do.  After all, that’s who you really are!  When you discover it, you’ll find that it’s enlivening.  It will act as your sentinel glass barrier that will keep you safe and warm even when the outer world is dark and threatening and you need to work for money do keep a roof over your head and food in your belly.

Take a walk in your garden today by discovering what it is that you really want to do and then go out and do it.  If you’re a writer, write.  If you’re a teacher, teach.  If you’re an artist, create art.  When you get in touch with your love, every other person will benefit.  There is no limit on what love can do!

Self Actualized Presence

“Bless my Dad in whatever he does.”

-      A friend’s son

Self Actualized Presence

One of my friends is an exceptional entrepreneur.  He’s still young, but he was very young when he sold his first company.  Since he was young and had a family, he had a young family and was in the perfect situation.  He had lots of money and lots of time to spend with his family!

He had plenty of time because after he sold his company he no longer needed to work for money to provide for his family.  Since he didn’t need to go out to interact with other people every day; he became casual in many aspects of his life.  He dressed in a sloppy manner and began to grow an un-kept beard.  My friend lived in this new pattern day after day until something happened to teach him an important lesson.  He is a religious man and was having a prayer with his family one morning when his son, praying carefully for God to bless each member of his family, said:

“Bless my sister so she can do well on her math test.  Bless my brother so he can win his basketball game.  Bless my Dad in whatever he does.”

Those spoken words, “whatever he does,” helped my friend see that in the eyes of his children he no longer did anything they could comprehend; in the view of his children, he was doing nothing.

“They didn’t understand what I did with my days.” He told me.  “They were going out each day to face their futures.  They went to school, they competed in sports, and they took lessons.  They were initiating action each day in the present while simultaneously facing their future and looking to the past.  The change in my life was so incongruous with our past together that they were worried about me.  They couldn’t understand what I was doing!  The truth is that I didn’t understand what I was doing either.”

My friend’s son had taught him “The Principle of Combining Belief and Action” without knowing it.  But, my friend knew it, that’s how he built a successful company.  So he changed from a person who was simply being acted upon back to a person who acted.  It’s what separates intelligent beings from all other forms in the universe.  In fact, we learn and grow most effectively by exercising our will with belief.  Both learning and growth require mental and physical exertion, not just passive reception or entertainment. 

The learning and growth I’m describing reaches far beyond simple cognitive comprehension and mere gathering of facts or the recall of information.  The type of learning and growth I’m referring to allows a person to leave a common life behind.  It sets the ordinary aside by converting ones action, past and future into one self actualized presence.

My friend took this principle to heart again.  He set inaction aside and has developed a new company.  He has surrounded himself with others who are acting in common belief, that they can take their technology and combine it with needed change to create products and services that will change millions of other lives. 

Perhaps most importantly he has changed his own life and is again living in a pattern that his kids, and all of us, can understand, follow and embrace.

Living Without Regret

“Now I do my business in a way that will allow me to live my life without regrets.”

-      A Friend

Living Without Regret

I could hear the clicking of a keyboard as I approached the computer bay.  I was walking through an office work area toward another room where I was going to attend a meeting.  As I got closer, I was surprised to recognize the person tapping the keys.

“Hi Lynn,” my friend said when he looked up and saw me.

I could tell this was going to be a short detour now that I had seen this friend, but it didn’t matter because I was excited to speak with him.  We hadn’t talked for a few months and this chance encounter was a welcome respite from a harried day.  My friend’s smile was also a welcome site since I knew he hadn’t always felt like smiling over the past few years.

As we began our conversation his smile increased and it had the effect of a soothing rain as it washed the heat of the day from existence.

“Have you been spending enough time with your family the past few weeks?” He asked.

It was a common question from this particular friend.  He is always great about helping me to stay focused on what really matters.

“Always remember why you work!” He continued.  “We don’t work for money or for the work itself.  We work so we can spend time with our families and give them what they need.  Remember to work so you don’t have any regrets in your life!”

I listen intently to him because he is a man who knows what he’s talking about.  You see, his smile is just returning after he learned a bitter lesson.  His story is an important one for all of us.

A few years ago he was “living his work.”  Then one morning he got up as usual and left his home without even seeing another member of his family.  He and his wife had an arrangement where she would take their infant to day care in the morning and he would pick their child up at the end of the day.  This day began as every one of their other days, but it didn’t end as the other ones had ended.

Toward late afternoon he received a phone call that shook his world.  He raced to the day care center as soon as he hung up the telephone and when he arrived, it was as if a tsunami had wiped his life away.   His baby had died! 

As I looked at my friend’s bright face on this day, a flood of memory rushed through my body and his words from the past echoed in my ears. “I have always regretted not giving my baby a kiss before I left for work that morning!  Now I make sure I always put my family first.  I work without regret, because I know I the reason I work is so I can spend as much time with my family as possible!”

He has discovered the deeper meaning of his work and it has made all the difference in his life.  He truly lives each day without regret and we can too! Take some time to discover the deeper meaning of your work.  Only then will you be able to really live your life.  Living your life with true meaning will give significance to every aspect of your existence.  Live today.

 

The Gentile Voice of Love

“You need to come up here!” (In an angry voice)

- The man with the little white dog

The Gentle Voice of Love

I sat in a small apartment with two men, one woman and a small white dog.  We were getting acquainted with each other and expressing pleasantries when the small dog jumped down to the floor and came over to sniff the trousers that covered my legs.  She could smell my dog so she stayed for a minute lingering in the in the aroma that filled her senses.

As she remained, her owner became anxious so I told him it was just fine, but I watched as his eyes expressed increasing displeasure.  He called to her.  She didn’t respond as he wished.  I watched the fire in his eyes grow!

In one violent eruption the sitting man stomped his foot hard on the floor and angrily yelled, “YOU COME UP HERE NOW!”

I felt my body respond to this outburst as it involuntarily pushed against the back of the couch in shock and dismay.  I watched the gentile little dog put her tail between her two back legs and jump up to her designated spot when threatened. Her little spirit was crushed.

Then, as quickly as the outburst began, I heard new sweet tones from the once contorted face: “I love you!”

“I love you?” I thought to myself.  Is that what love is?  Is love expressed through threats and angry lashing out?  Does one only love another when the other conforms exactly as commanded?

I watched as a large hand stroked the fir of the little one next to his lap.  Her eyes were filled with fear and anticipation, wondering how long this kindness would last.

“What a sad way to live” I thought.  Then I reflected on my own relationships.  How would an independent observer describe my interactions with others?  Would they express my actions as the gentle voice of love?  When others look at me, do they see kindness, consideration, and caring?  I hope so!

The greatest compliment one being can give another is to choose to love, and be with them.  It is the richest tribute to love and freedom I can think of.  When you extend your love to others freely, you’ll find that the sweetness of freedom will furnish fulfillment in ways you never anticipated.  When you allow others to give you their love, in their own way and of their own choice, your relationships will be filled with trust, caring and increased depth. 

The depth of your offered love will be reflected in your life immediately; you will enjoy additional freedom and a joy beyond description. Perhaps it seems too simple, but it’s not.  Allow the gentile voice of love to change your life today.

Giving From and to the Heart

“Now I know my life has been a complete success.”

-Joy’s Mother

Giving From and to the Heart

“Are you on the phone?”  Joy sheepishly asked as she poked her head through my door.

“No. Come in.”  I replied.

I watched with enchantment as my friend Joy took her characteristically short strides toward where I was sitting.  Her eyes were dancing with light as they twinkled.  Her eyes always twinkle when she talks.  It’s one of the delightful benefits of being in conversation with her.

“Can I tell you what we did for my mother’s birthday?”  Joy asked circumspectly.

“Of course you can!” I said with great anticipation.

So, she began to tell me how she had been caring for her aged mother and was concerned about how sad she had been for the past few months.  “Her birthday was coming up and I wanted to do something that would make her feel better.  I thought and thought about what I could do for her and finally I came up with an idea.” She explained.

I was enthralled with her story knowing that if there was ever a person with a pure heart, it was Joy.  She was describing her priceless process of taking the time to give a true gift; a gift from the heart, to heal the heart of another.

“I asked my siblings and their children to write a letter to my mother.  Then I took the fifty-seven letters and had them bound into a book with photos of each of the participants.  We had a big party.  Everyone was there!”

She continued, “When my mother began to read her book she teared up immediately.   Later that night one of my children saw Grandma’s bedroom light on and heard her crying.  She knocked on the door to make sure she was alright.”

“Was she alright?”  I thought to myself with eagerness.

“Grandma stayed up all night reading her book from cover to cover.  When I talked with her the next day she said, ‘Now I know that my life has been a complete success!’” Joy said in a halting, heart-felt voice.

I could feel my own heart pushing out of my chest up into my throat.  The holiday season was starting in less than a week and I knew the importance of the lesson Joy was teaching me.  It’s a lesson I never want to forget; a true gift is something that can only be transferred directly from one heart to another.  It is freely giving of yourself to enhance the happiness and well being of another.  Its effect will continue long after the giving and will change the life of both giver and receiver.  It has be ability to change many lives.

Joy’s gift has changed my life.  I hope it has changed yours.  May our acts of giving provide pleasure and show gratitude in the way of Joy!

A Generous Irishman

“I want to buy this for a friend of mine.  She has a 7 year old daughter and they need a place to live.”

-      Dominic Larkin

A Generous Irishman

When my phone rang about noon I had no idea what kind of generosity I was going to witness.  I told the caller that I would meet with him to walk through the home he was calling about in an hour and a half.   I gathered my things and made my way down to my car so I could drive the distance and arrive with plenty of time to spare.

When I pulled up to the house, the caller was already waiting in front.  He stood just less than six feet tall, had longer graying hair and was wearing a sort of safari hat with a chin string hanging down from its sides and looping down toward his Adam’s apple.  He was driving a large pickup truck and was smiling as he greeted me.

When I heard his voice it took me a minute to have the words he was speaking register in my brain.  He was from Ireland and his English was slightly different from what I was used to hearing.  Still, a momentary lag was all I needed to become fully present with this intriguing stranger.  I invited him into the house.

He became an active inspector was soon as he walked through the door.  He asked me question after question as he demonstrated his genuine interest.  He was thorough.  And, when he was mentally satisfied he became more affable and began to open a window into his purpose.

“I want to buy this for a friend of mine.  She has a 7-year-old daughter and they need a place to live.”  He explained.  “She was married and her husband left her alone with their daughter.  He just abandoned them and hasn’t given any support at all.  They don’t deserve to live on the street.”

“I need to make sure I can get them into a place and still have enough money to fix it up so it will be a nice home for them.” He continued.

I stood looking at him through new eyes.  The old ones I was looking through were not prepared to see a plain old Irishman turn into an angel in broad daylight.  I also had to put a mental pace-maker into my heart.  It was starting to beat way too fast; you know, the way your heart pounds when it gets an emotional rush.  After making these two adjustments I just gawked while listening to the rest of his tale.

“My friend also has another friend who is homeless.  This place would have enough room for everyone.  Yes.  This will make a nice home for them.”  He said contentedly with his Irish accent.

“Room for everyone. . .”  I pondered.  “I think we’ll need a lot more people like my Irish Angel if we’re going to make room for everyone!  Yes.  Room for everyone; perhaps if we work together and show our generosity it can happen!

Doing the Right Stuff

“It’s important to take the time to see what people really need rather than just taking them some brownies.” -  Elayne Pearson

Doing the Right Stuff

Elayne and I were standing near a huge barbeque grill after a long night of cooking and serving food to our neighbors.  We served about 450 hamburgers and hot dogs to hundreds of men, women and children; many of whom were dressed in colorful costumes.

But, one costume was black and exceptionally tall; we estimated that this Grim Reaper was standing about nine feet tall!  It hovered and walked.  It talked and entertained.  The children ran under its tree branch arms as if they were dancing under a deciduous tree in the cool October evening.  And, as our night came to a close we still had not discovered the identity of this disguised character.

As Elayne was talking with me, I thought of how much this unidentified Grim Reaper was the perfect example of what she was describing.  Our annual October Neighborhood Gathering is designed to get all of us together so we can reconnect and look each other in the eyes without the impediments of windows and electronic devices.  It allows us to get to know each other better; to find out what’s happening in the lives of those we share our town with.

Many times we live with and around people for years without really getting to know and understand anything about them.  Their identity remains a mystery.  As we talked about what more we could do strengthen our community Elayne said, “It’s important to take the time to see what people really need rather than just giving them some brownies.”  

There are people living around us who are struggling to care for their children, who are jobless, and have debilitating illness.  If we don’t know who they are and what they’re facing they live alone.  If they live alone then they aren’t living as part of our community.  To make them part of our community we need to embrace them and as we embrace them, something magical happens to all of us.

The magic appears to us in the form of the disappearance of perceived separation between individuals.  It creates compassion; a sense of well being that swells in our hearts.  Heartfelt gratitude then grows, from the fulfilling friendships we enjoy, and we become part of something larger than ourselves.  We become a real community that wants to be more giving, kind and more willing to be forgiving and loving.  When that happens it is much easier to do more of the right stuff.

Doing the right stuff is something each one of us can do.  It doesn’t take a lot of money.  It is simply accomplished by opening our eyes and taking small steps to open our hearts.  Open hearts allow us to work together to solve the pressing problems our friends and communities are facing.  Now is the time for us to mobilize as individuals.  Now is the time to reach out.  None of us need permission to go out and do good; to do the right stuff.  So, let’s go out and give of ourselves today.

Living in Spacce

“I just have so much to do I just don’t have any time to do what I really want to do.”

- Kilee Johnson
Living in Space

Kilee lives a very busy life.  She works full time, owns a home, is married, has a couple of pets, grows a large vegetable garden and loves to quilt.  It seems as if she is always working on a project.  In fact, she is the closest thing to a perpetual motion generator I’ve ever seen.  I see her fairly regularly; she’s also my daughter.  When I talked with her last, she was gasping for breath because she was also doing me a favor and it took her longer than she had anticipated.

“I just have so much going on!” She said as we talked on the phone.  “I don’t have time to do what I really want to do.”

“That’s because you always fill your schedule with projects to do.” I replied.  “You know, you don’t have to do everything you’re doing?”

As I listened to her reply I realized that Kilee suffers from a mistaken belief that emptiness is the same thing as nothingness.  For some reason our society has come to think that, “we are what we do” and “we are nothing else.”  This means that for millions of us, space does not exist.

But, nothing could be farther from the truth.  I go out into the night and look up in the sky and I can see space filled with stars.  I stand on my deck looking out to the South and see that there is space between my neighbor’s house and mine.  I look around me and see that there is space between my body and the body of others.  I look inside my home and see that there is an empty, space, room where Kilee used to live.  All these things have allowed me to realize that without space we would have no options.  There would be no new possibility.

Emptiness is everything – all possibilities of existence and nonexistence occurring simultaneously!  It is our nature to live in emptiness.  We have just forgotten that plain and simple fact.  So, I said something important to Kilee.

“You need to create space in your life; you don’t need to do everything you’re doing.  Don’t fill your life to the point where there is nothing else that can fit.  If you continue to live without emptiness, the possibilities you have seen in your dreams cannot come into your life.  There won’t be room for them!”

The words left my mouth to my own ears!  “I need to live in space myself!  In fact, I think I’m going to start by dusting off my space suit.  I haven’t seen it for a long time and I’ve been missing the wonders of the universe as a result!”

Do you know where your space suit is?

Small Things, Huge Results

“They’d be embarrassed so I’ll just call it a trade.”

Sue Butterfield

 
Small Things, Huge Results

Sue had given me a large stack of checks to take to our credit union to deposit and the day was slipping away quickly.  I was just leaving my office and was on the way to another meeting when I drove past a branch that would allow me to leave the stack of paper.  I walked in the building and handed a teller the deposit.  I watched as she began the long process of scanning the many checks until she finished.  It all seemed so pedestrian.  But it wasn’t.

The teller handed me one check back and said, “This one won’t clear so I won’t deposit it.  I don’t want you to be charged a returned check fee.”  She made a change to the deposit amount and I accepted the returned check.  I left and continued on my way.

When I got home later that night I handed the check to Sue and said, “Out of all of those checks the one that was returned was from one of our friends!” 

She took the check in hand and said with a smile, “No need to call them.  They’ll be so embarrassed and I don’t want that to happen.  Since they were so kind to us a couple of weeks ago, we’ll just call it a trade!”

I stood watching as Sue spoke those words and knew immediately that it was the right thing to do.  It was such a small check.  But it could have had a large cost to our friendship if not handled with consideration and kindness.   Kindness and consideration have much more value than money could ever have.  When combined with friendship they are priceless.

There are so many times its easy forget what has real value as we walk through life.  Its also easy to take a minute to stop to think about what’s of real value in dealing with everyday life situations.  Showing consideration is such a small thing with an ability to have a huge impact.  If you want to do what appears to be a little thing and also something huge all at once show kindness and consideration.  You’ll never forget the result and neither will those to whom you show your goodness.  Don’t let your chance slip away!

Intangible Connections

“I’m so glad you came.  We do this every year.  I hope you will come again next summer!”

Camille Higgins

Intangible Connectivity

High in the mountains in the middle of the night there was a gunshot and then the loud clamor of pots and pans banging.  These noises at about two a.m. were not expected in such a normally serene atmosphere.  But, when there is a black bear prowling around a camp ground such noises at night are merely defensive blare until the morning glow bursts in as a protector.

In the light of the sun it was easy to see large paw prints on the damp ground and even on the sides of trucks, trailers, and motor homes.  These signs of the night’s prowler also served to stimulate excited conversation between traveling neighbors.  Who would have guessed that a group of people who live together in the same town and have known each other for many years would need to have a bear stimulate a conversation that would lead to deepened friendship and understanding? 

In fact, when riding in my friend Mike’s truck that very morning he said, “You know, I’ve known you for many years and have never really talked with you!”

Had my friend Danny and Mike & his wife Camille not planned and made all of the arrangements for this outing, the opportunity for me to spend time getting to know my neighbors better would have never happened.  We would have simply continued living our separate lives, together in the same town.  I would not have discovered the concept of Intangible Connectivity.

This trip caused me to understand that true relationships do not exist without a framework of Intangible Connectivity.  That is to say, living next to, or near someone else and knowing who they are does not automatically translate into friendship or really “knowing” them. 

To really get to know someone and become their friend you need to spend time with them.  You need to see the people they live their lives with.  You need to see how they react to challenging situations that surprise them.  You need to open your ears and listen to their dreams, hopes and plans for the future; intangibles.  Intangibles are things that allow you to have more than a superficial relationship; things that build a deeper connection. 

Connections to other people are the generator of life.  They are the creator of joy, long term happiness and wealth in all areas of your life.  Build greater connections today by spending time with your neighbors and friends.  Invite them into your life and enjoy the results. 

I’ve seen my camping friends since our trip.  We greeted each other warmly, like never before.  After all, we faced death from the jaws of a bear, road ATVs, fished, cooked over a fire, and talked for several days.  Now I call all of that an Intangible Connection.