Giver and Receiver

“I just want to tell him what I think of the way he’s treated me!”

Annie Butterfield

Giver and Receiver

There have been so many times in my life where I’ve benefited from the mercy of others.  I can remember one time in particular; I was in college and working full time.  The company I was working for discontinued operation and I found myself without the ability to pay rent and tuition or to buy food.  It was a distressful time for me to say the least.

When I explained the situation to my landlord they were so kind and generous!  They allowed me to stay for a month, accepted the deposit I had given as payment, and then spread the word that I needed assistance in finding a new job.  As a result, they were not the only ones who came to my aid.

Another friend of mine, Monica Carlsen, a woman with the most clear blue eyes I have ever seen, brought groceries to my door and gave them to me with a smile and sparkle in her eyes.   Without her kindness I would not have had any food for the coming month.  That same month brought me many more examples of how the tender mercies of others make all the difference to people like me who need to receive compassion.

Compassion is born from the heart of those who give it.  It is sympathy for the suffering of others and almost always includes a desire to reach out and help.  But it is the giving of mercy that teaches, through example, how to give to others when the dark night of a broken heart would have one do otherwise.

My daughter recently had her heart crushed by her best friend and I watched her reel from the disorienting experience.  She wanted to lash out and teach this offending person an angry lesson.  I understand her pain because I have felt it myself.  But, even while understanding it, the benefits of mercy continued to ring the bells of compassion loudly in my ears.

“There will come a time when you will need to receive mercy from others.” I explained to her.  “How can you expect to receive mercy when you need it if you are not willing to give it freely under all circumstances?”

She did give it!  And, even though it was mostly because of my coaxing, I could still see the relief it has already distilled upon her heart.  Doing the right thing, because you believe it is the right thing, pays huge dividends even when one does not completely understand it.

As I look through my aging eyes at the world around me I don’t understand why there is so much pain and suffering everywhere I look.  But, I do understand that showing compassion and offering mercy to others will act as the miracle medicine we all need to receive; because in all cases, every one of us must be mercy’s giver and receiver.

Giving From and to the Heart

“Now I know my life has been a complete success.”

-Joy’s Mother

Giving From and to the Heart

“Are you on the phone?”  Joy sheepishly asked as she poked her head through my door.

“No. Come in.”  I replied.

I watched with enchantment as my friend Joy took her characteristically short strides toward where I was sitting.  Her eyes were dancing with light as they twinkled.  Her eyes always twinkle when she talks.  It’s one of the delightful benefits of being in conversation with her.

“Can I tell you what we did for my mother’s birthday?”  Joy asked circumspectly.

“Of course you can!” I said with great anticipation.

So, she began to tell me how she had been caring for her aged mother and was concerned about how sad she had been for the past few months.  “Her birthday was coming up and I wanted to do something that would make her feel better.  I thought and thought about what I could do for her and finally I came up with an idea.” She explained.

I was enthralled with her story knowing that if there was ever a person with a pure heart, it was Joy.  She was describing her priceless process of taking the time to give a true gift; a gift from the heart, to heal the heart of another.

“I asked my siblings and their children to write a letter to my mother.  Then I took the fifty-seven letters and had them bound into a book with photos of each of the participants.  We had a big party.  Everyone was there!”

She continued, “When my mother began to read her book she teared up immediately.   Later that night one of my children saw Grandma’s bedroom light on and heard her crying.  She knocked on the door to make sure she was alright.”

“Was she alright?”  I thought to myself with eagerness.

“Grandma stayed up all night reading her book from cover to cover.  When I talked with her the next day she said, ‘Now I know that my life has been a complete success!’” Joy said in a halting, heart-felt voice.

I could feel my own heart pushing out of my chest up into my throat.  The holiday season was starting in less than a week and I knew the importance of the lesson Joy was teaching me.  It’s a lesson I never want to forget; a true gift is something that can only be transferred directly from one heart to another.  It is freely giving of yourself to enhance the happiness and well being of another.  Its effect will continue long after the giving and will change the life of both giver and receiver.  It has be ability to change many lives.

Joy’s gift has changed my life.  I hope it has changed yours.  May our acts of giving provide pleasure and show gratitude in the way of Joy!

Change One Life Now, Change Thousands in the Future

“We can identify problems all our life, but that isn’t enough. We must do something about them!”
- Quinn Heder

Change one Life Today so you can Change Thousands in the Future

Last night I went with my wife and one of my daughters to have dinner at Alpine Academy. I expect you haven’t heard about Alpine Academy or Utah Youth Village, but they’ve been on my mind a great deal as of late. That’s because I’ve been thinking about the growing importance of mercy in our world today.

My friend Janette Thompson and her friend Erin act as “parents,” for Alpine Academy. They’re parents for ten teen-aged girls and they live in a large family home almost right across the street from me. Alpine Academy provides a chance for the girls to learn how a family works and grow from experiencing a functioning family. So when we were invited to come over for dinner, it wasn’t just any dinner. It was to a family dinner and a great opportunity for us to get to know each other; family to family and person to person.

Meeting with other people so you can get to know them is almost a lost art these days. I was reminded of this yesterday as I was shopping in Costco. I passed person after person with headphones in their ears. Talk about a large “Don’t talk to me” sign on the forehead. It’s hard to get to know someone who doesn’t want to hear a word you have to say!

But, that wasn’t the case last night! How nice it was to sit with neighbors who really wanted to just sit and talk. And talk we did!

We talked about each person there. We learned about each one; where they were from and what their hopes are for the future.

Because of their attendance at Alpine Academy each girl has a brighter future. I was most touched when Julia, a girl from the Atlanta area, gave us a tour and then stopped at a picture of Lila Bjorklund, founder of Alpine Academy.

Julia told us that Lila started Utah Youth Village and managed it without pay for more than 25 years. Then she said, “Grandma Lila believed that if you changed one girl now, you could change thousands in the future.”

For Lila, it was not enough to be concerned about troubled children - she put a roof over their heads and taught them responsible behavior.

It was not enough to found a program for troubled girls - she also managed it, 40 - 50 hours a week, without financial compensation, for over 25 years.

It was not enough to build one group home - she built four.

It was not enough to build four group homes - she opened 40 foster homes to care for younger victims of abuse and neglect.

It was not enough to provide a safe home for over 200 children a year - she instituted a program to teach their parents to help them, so they could remain with their families, and together they could heal and learn to live with mutual respect and caring.

With Lila, as long as there were troubled children, she could never do enough.

“Can I ever do enough?” I asked my friend Quinn Heder today. We were talking about life and what it means to have faith.

He asked me what I thought having faith meant.

“When my mind tells me one thing and I feel inside that things are going to be alright anyway,” I said.

One can believe things are going to be alright in the future as much as they want, but without doing something about it nothing is going to change we concluded.

So, I’m looking in the mirror a lot these days asking myself one question.

Am I showing enough mercy to everyone around me?

Then I think, “I must become the kind of person that looks at everyone around me and says, yes I know you’ve made mistakes. I have too! It’s o.k., I love you anyway. Let me give you a hand up so we can share happy lives together.”

I feel honored to be able to look across the street and see what Lila Bjorklund was able to create with the help of lots of other good hearted people! I feel comfort in the fact that girls across my own road are changing so they can change the lives of thousands to come. I feel humbled to know that there are many small things I can do to help them along their way.

You can help too. If you would like to become part of changing lives use this link: http://www.youthvillage.org/donate.php or, you can contact me and I’ll be able to talk with you about helping.

It isn’t enough to just see the problems around us anymore. Won’t you join me and work to change the lives of thousands in the future?