The Glass Sentinel

“I’m looking for a job that will allow me to do what I want to do.”

-      Kyle Butterfield

The Glass Sentinel

I could smell the large trees that were surrounding me.  The fresh air seemed to be streaming right from their leaves into my nose.  It made me feel as if I was sitting in a forest in early spring and the feeling was exceptionally welcome since I had braved fog, snow and freezing cold air before I could enjoy it.  Just beyond the trees were sentinel glass barriers that kept all that gloomy winter stuff at bay.

This interior garden was enlivening to me and I needed it because the cloud darkened day was coming to a close and I still had two meetings left.  Luckily they were both in this spirit-refueling garden that was about to turn into something akin to a fortune teller.

There was a table for us to sit at during our conversation and there were two chairs that allowed us to look at each other as we talked.  The tête-à-tête was pleasant and revealing for both of us as we got to know each other better.  I learned about the other person’s business as well as his family.  I also learned about his life’s aspirations.  But, there was one curious thing.

“I am looking forward to retiring so I can do something of real value.” He said to me.

“Isn’t your working adding value to others now?” I asked.

“Yes.  But, it isn’t what I really want to do.”  He responded.

“But, if you really want to do it wouldn’t you be doing it?” I replied.

Sometimes we think that we can only do what we want to do if we are doing it as a medium of exchange for money.  Or, we think that since we spend time working for money that we’re unable to do what we really love to do.

My Nephew Kyle called me today.  He told me that he had recently graduated from college.  I know that he’s worked long and hard to get his degree!  He’s been searching for work so he can provide for his wife and their new baby.  He has an interview this coming week.

“It isn’t what I want to do.” He said.

“Why can’t you do what you want to do?” I replied.

“I haven’t found anyone who will pay me to be an illustrator!” He responded.

“Let me ask you a question,” I answered. “Do writers write?”

“Yes.”

“Do illustrators, illustrate?”

“Yes.”

“So, if you want to be an illustrator, illustrate!” I advocated.

It’s important that you become your own advocate, since we live in a world that’s cold & snowy and covered in fog.  You can look inside and illustrate our own interior garden; find what you love to do.  After all, that’s who you really are!  When you discover it, you’ll find that it’s enlivening.  It will act as your sentinel glass barrier that will keep you safe and warm even when the outer world is dark and threatening and you need to work for money do keep a roof over your head and food in your belly.

Take a walk in your garden today by discovering what it is that you really want to do and then go out and do it.  If you’re a writer, write.  If you’re a teacher, teach.  If you’re an artist, create art.  When you get in touch with your love, every other person will benefit.  There is no limit on what love can do!

Qualities of Mind

“There is little doubt that Happiness circuits are highly suggestible, and that they are transformable through intention and effort.  They are among the most plastic circuits in the brain.”

Miriam Boleyn-Fitzgerald

Qualities of Mind

I was talking with a friend regarding his children the other day.  He was lamenting the verity that they were unhappy and lacked motivation in every aspect of their lives.  One, a daughter, had all but given up her life and had returned to their nest rarely choosing to leave her small bedroom.

When I say she had given up her life, I mean that she had given up almost all the good that had existed in it.  She had received a good education and had excelled in her classes, she had great friends, upon graduation she received a good job and she also enjoyed good health.  In fact, if one looked at her life from the outside, it was almost impossible to conclude anything except that she was the recipient of great happiness.  But, a closer look would have revealed a different conclusion.

She is lacking, as so many of us are,  life skills such as regulating negative emotions, cultivating positive ones, and building and maintaining healthy personal relationships .  Such skills correlate more closely with happiness and life success than any standard measure of academic or financial performance.  A person’s capacity to cooperate, ability to regulate personal emotions, and capacity to focus attention on such skills is far more important for life success than one’s IQ or grades.  Miriam Boleyn-Fitzgerald calls these attributes, “qualities of mind.”  

Sadly, I find these qualities to be missing in my own life from time to time.  When this is the case I begin to feel lost, alone and hopeless.   So, I have begun to wonder if critical traits such as compassion and empathy are trainable and if I could change my life through practice; if so, it would have transformative implications for how I prepare myself and my loved-ones for the long emotional road ahead.

In searching my mind for the answer, I was reminded of the story of Mingyur Rinpoche, the author of “The Joy of Living.” As a young child he was hardly happy.  From the time he was seven or eight until he was thirteen, he experienced severe panic attacks, despite growing up in a loving family and nurturing spiritual community.  He believes that if he had lived in a Western society, he probably would have been diagnosed with a childhood panic disorder.

An emotional shift for him came as a young teenager during a three-year meditation retreat.  At first his panic got worse, and he found himself caught in one debilitating anxiety attack after another.  He describes that first year on retreat as one of the worst of his life.  He became so deeply unhappy, he says, that he “really decided to apply mediation training.”  At one point he confronted his panic alone in his room for several days, using it as a support for his meditation.  After an intensive period of applying what he had learned from his teachers, to relate to his powerful emotions not as his “enemy” or his “boss,” as he puts it, but as his friend, the panic was gone.  Since that time, he has not experienced another attack.

His story has given me renewed hope; we can train ourselves to live happily by practicing life changing qualities of mind such as compassion, empathy, kindness, gratitude, and capacity for love.  We can be happier and more successful by transforming ourselves through intention and effort; becoming increasingly aware that the cultivation of positive emotions is vital to draw a map of personal happiness free from suffering and the causes of suffering.

The Bicycle Helmet Principle

“Will you please tell our boys to wear their bicycle helmets?”
- Unknown

The Bicycle Helmet Principle

Years ago while working in my friend’s bicycle store I discovered one of the most powerful principles of my life. I call it the “Bicycle Helmet Principle.” After learning about it, I hope it will become as valuable to you as it is to me!

One day a family walked into the store with their sons and made a bee-line toward me. They walked right up to me and one of the parents said, "Our sons will not wear their helmets while riding their bikes! Will you please tell them to wear their helmets? Maybe they'll listen to you!"

They were very direct and wanted to make a clear point to their sons. I wanted to take a moment to gather myself before I answered them so I walked toward the helmet display thinking about my response the entire way. Never had such a short walk seemed to be so difficult!

When we arrived at the display, I stopped and turned to the anxious parents. "Let me ask you a question.” I said, “When you ride your bikes, do you wear your helmets?"

They stopped, looked incredulously at me and said, "No."

I said, "Then nothing I can say will make a difference."

I’m not sure what they really thought. The conversation stopped short and they turned and left the store. They most likely thought I was rude, but that was not my intention. You may think I really didn’t help the parents; but my objective was to help them far beyond the question they asked. I wanted to help the entire family by shifting their focus just enough to see things from a different perspective. I wanted to show them that none of us can make others do what we are not willing to do ourselves!

That means the answers to my problems are not going to come to me from some expert without my active participation. All of the answers I am seeking will come from within me!

Now that doesn’t mean that I can’t learn from others. I can. I do every day. But, if all I do is let the words run past my ears and not into my heart then nothing anyone will say can make a difference to me.

As my friend, you can tell what I really believe by what I do. My own actions make my life what it is, after others have shared their value with me.

I’ve discovered that shared value in the form of coaching can help everyone. I’ve found that if someone is willing to give me a different perspective and show me a new way, that very small change in how and what I do will pay huge dividends! Sometimes I just need to have a friend see things I’m missing because I’m stuck inside myself and can’t see! It's like holding a page of a book right up to your nose and hoping to be able to read it. It just doesn't work!

By applying the Bicycle Helmet Principle in your life you'll find that simplicity and the seemingly insignificant will change your life forever! I'll show you how! It's not expensive! It's not hard! It's as easy as riding a bike!

You can do that can't you?

Yes?

Then you can do this!

Let's start with training wheels right now!

First, think of one personal relationship that you would like to be better. Just stop right now and visualize that person. Can you see their face? Can you feel their presence? Can you identify that warm feeling you get inside when you're with them and everything is great?

Now, visualize yourself going up to that person and give them a heart-felt compliment. See the reaction in their face. Feel their arms around you as they express their thanks. Feel your heart beating with excitement!

You can have this feeling everyday if you'll just make a commitment to yourself to give this important person one simple and easy compliment every day!

Can it be that easy? Yes!

Are you ready to take the simple and small step of putting your bicycle helmet on? We’ll take the next step together as we explore the significance of the insignificant next week. I’ll also begin to offer you the opportunity to take advantage of some pretty wonderful instruction from some of the leading Gurus of our time.Today is a new day! Are you ready to have your breath taken away by making small changes now so that you can live the life of your dreams?