Self Actualized Presence

“Bless my Dad in whatever he does.”

-      A friend’s son

Self Actualized Presence

One of my friends is an exceptional entrepreneur.  He’s still young, but he was very young when he sold his first company.  Since he was young and had a family, he had a young family and was in the perfect situation.  He had lots of money and lots of time to spend with his family!

He had plenty of time because after he sold his company he no longer needed to work for money to provide for his family.  Since he didn’t need to go out to interact with other people every day; he became casual in many aspects of his life.  He dressed in a sloppy manner and began to grow an un-kept beard.  My friend lived in this new pattern day after day until something happened to teach him an important lesson.  He is a religious man and was having a prayer with his family one morning when his son, praying carefully for God to bless each member of his family, said:

“Bless my sister so she can do well on her math test.  Bless my brother so he can win his basketball game.  Bless my Dad in whatever he does.”

Those spoken words, “whatever he does,” helped my friend see that in the eyes of his children he no longer did anything they could comprehend; in the view of his children, he was doing nothing.

“They didn’t understand what I did with my days.” He told me.  “They were going out each day to face their futures.  They went to school, they competed in sports, and they took lessons.  They were initiating action each day in the present while simultaneously facing their future and looking to the past.  The change in my life was so incongruous with our past together that they were worried about me.  They couldn’t understand what I was doing!  The truth is that I didn’t understand what I was doing either.”

My friend’s son had taught him “The Principle of Combining Belief and Action” without knowing it.  But, my friend knew it, that’s how he built a successful company.  So he changed from a person who was simply being acted upon back to a person who acted.  It’s what separates intelligent beings from all other forms in the universe.  In fact, we learn and grow most effectively by exercising our will with belief.  Both learning and growth require mental and physical exertion, not just passive reception or entertainment. 

The learning and growth I’m describing reaches far beyond simple cognitive comprehension and mere gathering of facts or the recall of information.  The type of learning and growth I’m referring to allows a person to leave a common life behind.  It sets the ordinary aside by converting ones action, past and future into one self actualized presence.

My friend took this principle to heart again.  He set inaction aside and has developed a new company.  He has surrounded himself with others who are acting in common belief, that they can take their technology and combine it with needed change to create products and services that will change millions of other lives. 

Perhaps most importantly he has changed his own life and is again living in a pattern that his kids, and all of us, can understand, follow and embrace.

Making Something Good of Yourself

“Didn’t you know that the most important thing you can do is to show up every day.”

-John Barlow

Making Something Good of Yourself

Have you ever had one of those weeks when it seems as if you’ve worked much harder than normal and yet it appears as if nothing good has come from it?  I have.  Yet, this week the exact opposite happened to me and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it.  I can’t remember a time when so many loose ends seemed to be coming together after long struggle.

During my time of reflection, I remembered a conversation I had with my friend John Barlow a few years ago.  We were talking about creating success through work when he said, “Didn’t you know that the most important thing you can do is to show up every day?”

His comment caught me off guard.  It was something I knew, but at the same time I also knew, and still know, that showing up isn’t the only thing that creates success.  It must be used in combination with a good solid plan and self discipline to complete each step of the plan.  Still, showing up is a critical part of the success equation and it’s what I want to talk with you about today.

As I raised my daughters they would come to me and ask me if I liked a particular person after just meeting them.  My reply would always be the same, “I don’t know.  Time will tell.”  I would say that because I have discovered that it takes a great deal of time to be able to judge a person’s true character; especially my own.

Each one of us has times of smooth sailing through life and then we also have times of difficulty.  It is what we do during times of difficulty that reveals our true character.  I have known people that have crumbled when challenged and I have known people who have withstood their challenges and have become much stronger.  In many cases it is as if there are times when the world says, “You say you are honest, true, good, strong and successful.  Let’s see if you really are!”

When that occurs, I have observed that those who have risen to meet the challenge do so not knowing exactly what the outcome will be and when they have given their last ounce of strength, but still continue to persist, the tide turns and things mysteriously begin to turn their way again.  When that happens it doesn’t take them long to get back on their feet and feel renewed strength and confidence.

That’s what I want you to know.  My personal experience is that as I have worked on projects or goals for many years and have felt that there was no hope of success, but have kept going and making adjustments along my way, believing that if I just kept striving and changing internally that I would succeed in the long run.  Many times my success did not come in the form of my expectation.  It had morphed into something better than I had hoped.  In fact, I had changed in ways I could never have dreamed of.

That’s how I know that persistence creates character.  It’s a message we need to pass to all those around us.  If we will simply persist in changing inside so we can meet our challenges and overcome them, we will succeed.  Only then we will be the kind of people others want to spend their lives with.  We will have demonstrated our true character and we will be able to say, “I have made something good of myself.”

Courage with a Smile

“I hurt so bad inside.”

Courage with a Smile

I was on my way to a meeting with a friend and I called her in preparation for the conference that was to occur in just three hours.  As soon as I heard the tone of her voice I knew something was wrong.  At first I was worried there was something wrong with our transaction, but in another second I could tell it was a personal challenge bothering her.

She was having a lot of changes in her life and there was no doubt she was receiving more than her fair share right now.  I asked her what was wrong.  She hesitated; then burst with an audible gasp.  You know the kind I’m talking about.  It’s like the rupture of an emotional dam bursting.

“I just found out that my husband, the one I’m in the middle of a divorce with, has been cheating on me over the last year!  I hurt so bad inside!”

The thing that was so amazing to me was that I had already had two face to face meetings with her earlier in the week and there was no hint of her internal pain.  I also knew that one of the principal people in her office had just been transferred and that she was overwhelmed with her increased work load.  But still, there was no hint of her internal turmoil.  All I could see was the smile on her face and a cheerful glow in her eyes.

Our meeting that afternoon went without a hitch, except for the unruly children running around the office jumping on computers and desks!  Through it all, my friend’s smile never left her face and our clients would have never guessed she was in such pain.  I sat in admiration of her courage, but I was to find another surprise the very next day.

Our meeting the next day didn’t start until late in the afternoon.  It was Friday and the end of a long hard week.  If ever there was a time when I could have seen my friend’s smile crack this would have been the perfect time.  But it didn’t happen.  In fact, her smile was brighter than ever.  She laughed and talked with our clients in a way to suggest that she didn’t have a care in the world.  For the duration of the meeting our clients were the center of her universe and she was the sun throughout our time together.

When the meeting ended our clients left the building.  I stayed for a minute with my friend to finish up a couple of minor details and asked her a careful question.

“How are you?”  It was more than a question of the surface.  It was a cautious inquiry meant to let her know that I was fully aware of her situation and truly cared.  I talked slowly and paused long enough to let her gather her thoughts so she could give me a composed answer.

“Things are hard today.” She said.  “But, all this will be over in a few days and I’ll be happy again!”

“Happy again?”  I thought to myself. 

She smiled as she spoke.  Her eyes were shining as bright as the sun outside!  I’ve seen courage before.  I’ve seen happiness before.  But I have never seen the two in combination before.  This was a new experience for me.  It’s an example I want to emulate in my own life.

We all have challenges.  I know I do.  Now I can see that I can face them with a smile.  I know I won’t change completely over night, but I’ve had an exemplar to show me the way.  Just knowing that it’s possible has opened up a whole new way of life for me.  I hope it has opened a new possibility for you as well.

The Man in The Grocery Store

“We’re making more money now than ever before.”
- Rachel Nipper

The Man in the Grocery Store

I know a lot of people who have been going through some hard times over the past two or three years. It’s always hard for me to see friends struggle and lose their confidence. The bad news is it’s hard for some. The good news is that the time of pain has ended for others and they are now in the process of healing. I’m old enough now that I’ve have been through this kind of pain/healing cycle before, and I view it a little differently than I did when I was much younger because of one man.



I’ll never forget standing in a grocery store line in Southern California in 1978 getting ready to pay for my groceries. As I stood waiting, I began to read the news paper there on the rack. I was alarmed by the headlines and could feel fear enter my entire body as I gazed at the grim news.



Those were troublesome days. We were struggling through one of the worst gas shortages ever faced in the United States and there seemed to be a war on the horizon. The high cost of gas was one problem but the larger problem was that there wasn’t enough gas. There were days when we would wait in line for four or five hours and hope there was gas left when we got to the pump. Many times I had waited only to have the station attendant put a “last car” sign on the car in front of me!



One of my close friends, a physician who would drive from Orange County to LA County every day for work, would have his teen aged daughter take the car and wait in the gas line every evening; she could do her home work while doing a huge favor for her father. It was difficult for the entire family, but they pulled together and made it through the gas shortage.



The gas shortage wasn’t what was on my mind as I stood and read headlines in the check-outline. Those headlines were even scarier to me because it looked as if the United States was heading to war and I just happened to be the right age to be drafted.



On the day I said I would never forget, in the grocery store line, there was a man standing behind me. He must have seen a look of fear on my face because he started to talk with me. After a little small talk, I confessed to him that I was really scared. Then I watched his face change and I witnessed a new power build within him. His serious tone sprung out as a crescendo as he said, “I fought in World War II.”



“We were scared then, just as you are now. But, we did what we needed to do, and so will you when the time comes.”



He said those words with such surety I believed him through and through. He gave me courage and hope. He had lived through dark times and had prepared the way for me to have a bright future. I was grateful to him then for his encouraging words and service and I’m still grateful to him these many years later. One of the strange things about my gratitude is that I’ve never even known his name, or anything else about him. So, he has forever remained “the man in the grocery store” to me.



Now I’m passing his words of hope and courage to you. I hope they’ll comfort you the way they’ve comforted me. They have proven to be true hundreds of times over throughout my life.



My friends Mark and Rachel Nipper are the perfect example of The Grocery Store Man’s truth. A little over a year ago Mark lost his job and things looked bleak for their little family. There were days when they didn’t think they would be able to make it through their struggles.



Today I’m happy to say that not only did they make it through their dark time, they’re thriving. Just this week Rachel said, “We’re making more now than we ever have!” They’re building their bright future together and creating a solid foundation for their two sons. You can do it too!



I saw another head line in the news this week. It read, “Unemployment 8. 5%.” But, what it said to me was, “91.5% of the people in the U.S. are employed!” I thought that was great news because almost all of us are still doing well.



Yes, I know you’re scared. I’ve been scared too, but I’ve always done what I needed to do and so have you. So, the next time you’re standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, pass on the good news!