"It's easy to feel between goals, like you are never arriving." – Brandon Sanderson

Brandon’s Small Ways

"My job in part is to look to the future." After all, Brandon Sanderson is the author of more than 70 fantasy novels.  That’s incredible success.  And, it is easy to look at him and think he’s always enjoyed this same success.  But that isn’t the case.

My friends Scott and Allison Salmon talked about this phenomenon with me just last night.  “It’s easy for our daughter, just out of college, to think that we’ve always enjoyed the financial success of the last ten years.”  Scott said.  “We have to remind her of our journey to get here.  We also tell her that our journey continues every day.”

When Brandon speaks of his journey in and after college he gets emotional.  I laughed when he spoke of his journey in college, switching to creative writing after not doing well in chemistry.  That’s because I had a similar journey while taking the inorganic chemistry series in college.  I really struggled in these courses and had to seek lots of tutoring just to make it through.  And, while I completed the course series, I walked away with the realization that while I passed, I still didn’t understand the mathematic and scientific underpinnings.  But I also noticed something much more important.

It was personally revealing when I recognized that the students crushing me, on the grading curve, in chemistry were being crushed by my test scores in history and other humanities courses.  That was one small step Brandon and I share.  And, this prepared Brandon and me to struggle similarly when facing our shared next steps.

“I struggled with knowing what would come next, after graduating.” He shared. Brandon also said he struggled with always thinking too many steps ahead. That’s a struggle many share. Many people fall into the trap of thinking once they've graduated or they’ve gotten their dreamed of job life will be perfect.  Yet, we all have to create our lives one small step at a time through natural progression.

"It's easy to feel between goals, like you are never arriving," Brandon says. "Do something small to make it better."

Here is the additional practical advice Brandon shared.

First, sometimes we don't have any idea when we’ll arrive at our envisioned destination. So, look and improve your life in some small way and when what you tried works, write it down.

Second, try your best to make and keep connections.  In today’s world there are lots of ways to do that.  It can be as easy as sending a text to someone important to you telling them you’re thinking of them.  If you haven’t tried it, you may be surprised at the delighted responses you’ll get back when you do.

Third, write down the bits of your life that bring you joy. “The beautiful moments, yes, and the dramatic ones, but more the quirky, unexpected turns that make this current chapter of the life you are living right now worth rereading," Brandon councils. “Be active in noticing the wonderful moments, not just the broken ones. Because joy, like people, is magnified when it is noticed."

Fourth, balance work and life by connecting with others.  I can remember when social networking was talking, while sitting around a fire.  There are many ways to nurture your personal connections in person.  If you’ll make such connections regular and important you’ll avoid burning out and forgetting what brings you joy.

Fifth, maintain a good support structure by not allowing your friends from school and past jobs to forget you.  My friend Nate Nead left for a weekend with the buddies he grew up with recently.  He said, “We do this kind of activity every year, even though we all live in different states now.  It keeps our connection strong.” To enjoy your journey through life to its fullest we all need to be on that journey with other people.

Finally, be comfortable in who you are while still striving to become better.  When speaking of this last small step Brandon said, “Enjoying the journey doesn't mean you have to accept the current state of things.”

Brandon’s job, in part, is to look toward and write about a created future. After all, Brandon Sanderson is the author of more than 70 fantasy novels.  Perhaps you and I can be the authors of our own dreamed of success by adhering to Brandon’s Small Ways.

You're Such a Sponge

“Be a sponge for the sort of knowledge that will make you wealthy,” - Allen Walton

 You’re Such a Sponge

“I like to tell my clients that we no longer live on dry land,” I said to Stacey as we were talking about current real estate market conditions.

She called to talk with me about a conversation she had earlier in the day with new agent, with no market experience, who had been talking with her about pricing.

“We live on the ocean now.” I continued. “You’ve been on the ocean, you’ve seen the huge swells and rolling motion of the water.  That’s what our markets are like now.  It means you have to be able to adapt to constant changes.”

Constant change means you and I can’t just do what we’ve always done and thrive.  Doing what we’ve always done means that when a big swell rolls our way we have a strong possibility of having our “boat” swamped.  I remember having my boat swamped in 2008.

When all markets crashed I found myself much less prepared than I had imagined.  I say imagined because for the first time in my business career I realized that I had been living with assumptions that were proven not to be true and it almost cost me everything, cash, real estate, possessions and health.  It all caused me to look for answers.  I look at everything in my life and decided I needed to change.

That’s when I recognized our world was going through a “sea-change,” a broad transformation in the world.  I had read about such changes in the past such as the Industrial Revolution, where the world’s economy shifted from being an agrarian base to an industrial base, and I had never lived through such upheaval in my own live. I knew I needed help to adapt, to become a new creature.

There are lots of creatures in the sea.  I’ve caught a few of them and others, such as sharks, have assaulted me in their human form, but one stands out to me.  The Sponge.

Sponges are multicellular organisms that have bodies full of pores and channels allowing water to circulate through them. They rely on maintaining a constant water flow through their bodies to obtain food and oxygen and to remove wastes.  They are a great example of a great way to live in an ocean-like environment.

Yes, life in our world is now like living on the ocean.  Conditions are changing constantly and rapidly.  Decide to live life as a Sponge.  Allow the shifting currents to flow through you by learning new and important information as it presents itself and by seeking it.  Then, use the constant flow for nourishment and renewal.  Actively discover new opportunities and obtain needed skills while removing unproductive habits and waste.

Live as a Sponge!  It will allow the world’s upheaval to act for your benefit.

Qualities of Mind

“There is little doubt that Happiness circuits are highly suggestible, and that they are transformable through intention and effort.  They are among the most plastic circuits in the brain.”

Miriam Boleyn-Fitzgerald

Qualities of Mind

I was talking with a friend regarding his children the other day.  He was lamenting the verity that they were unhappy and lacked motivation in every aspect of their lives.  One, a daughter, had all but given up her life and had returned to their nest rarely choosing to leave her small bedroom.

When I say she had given up her life, I mean that she had given up almost all the good that had existed in it.  She had received a good education and had excelled in her classes, she had great friends, upon graduation she received a good job and she also enjoyed good health.  In fact, if one looked at her life from the outside, it was almost impossible to conclude anything except that she was the recipient of great happiness.  But, a closer look would have revealed a different conclusion.

She is lacking, as so many of us are,  life skills such as regulating negative emotions, cultivating positive ones, and building and maintaining healthy personal relationships .  Such skills correlate more closely with happiness and life success than any standard measure of academic or financial performance.  A person’s capacity to cooperate, ability to regulate personal emotions, and capacity to focus attention on such skills is far more important for life success than one’s IQ or grades.  Miriam Boleyn-Fitzgerald calls these attributes, “qualities of mind.”  

Sadly, I find these qualities to be missing in my own life from time to time.  When this is the case I begin to feel lost, alone and hopeless.   So, I have begun to wonder if critical traits such as compassion and empathy are trainable and if I could change my life through practice; if so, it would have transformative implications for how I prepare myself and my loved-ones for the long emotional road ahead.

In searching my mind for the answer, I was reminded of the story of Mingyur Rinpoche, the author of “The Joy of Living.” As a young child he was hardly happy.  From the time he was seven or eight until he was thirteen, he experienced severe panic attacks, despite growing up in a loving family and nurturing spiritual community.  He believes that if he had lived in a Western society, he probably would have been diagnosed with a childhood panic disorder.

An emotional shift for him came as a young teenager during a three-year meditation retreat.  At first his panic got worse, and he found himself caught in one debilitating anxiety attack after another.  He describes that first year on retreat as one of the worst of his life.  He became so deeply unhappy, he says, that he “really decided to apply mediation training.”  At one point he confronted his panic alone in his room for several days, using it as a support for his meditation.  After an intensive period of applying what he had learned from his teachers, to relate to his powerful emotions not as his “enemy” or his “boss,” as he puts it, but as his friend, the panic was gone.  Since that time, he has not experienced another attack.

His story has given me renewed hope; we can train ourselves to live happily by practicing life changing qualities of mind such as compassion, empathy, kindness, gratitude, and capacity for love.  We can be happier and more successful by transforming ourselves through intention and effort; becoming increasingly aware that the cultivation of positive emotions is vital to draw a map of personal happiness free from suffering and the causes of suffering.

The Man in The Grocery Store

“We’re making more money now than ever before.”
- Rachel Nipper

The Man in the Grocery Store

I know a lot of people who have been going through some hard times over the past two or three years. It’s always hard for me to see friends struggle and lose their confidence. The bad news is it’s hard for some. The good news is that the time of pain has ended for others and they are now in the process of healing. I’m old enough now that I’ve have been through this kind of pain/healing cycle before, and I view it a little differently than I did when I was much younger because of one man.



I’ll never forget standing in a grocery store line in Southern California in 1978 getting ready to pay for my groceries. As I stood waiting, I began to read the news paper there on the rack. I was alarmed by the headlines and could feel fear enter my entire body as I gazed at the grim news.



Those were troublesome days. We were struggling through one of the worst gas shortages ever faced in the United States and there seemed to be a war on the horizon. The high cost of gas was one problem but the larger problem was that there wasn’t enough gas. There were days when we would wait in line for four or five hours and hope there was gas left when we got to the pump. Many times I had waited only to have the station attendant put a “last car” sign on the car in front of me!



One of my close friends, a physician who would drive from Orange County to LA County every day for work, would have his teen aged daughter take the car and wait in the gas line every evening; she could do her home work while doing a huge favor for her father. It was difficult for the entire family, but they pulled together and made it through the gas shortage.



The gas shortage wasn’t what was on my mind as I stood and read headlines in the check-outline. Those headlines were even scarier to me because it looked as if the United States was heading to war and I just happened to be the right age to be drafted.



On the day I said I would never forget, in the grocery store line, there was a man standing behind me. He must have seen a look of fear on my face because he started to talk with me. After a little small talk, I confessed to him that I was really scared. Then I watched his face change and I witnessed a new power build within him. His serious tone sprung out as a crescendo as he said, “I fought in World War II.”



“We were scared then, just as you are now. But, we did what we needed to do, and so will you when the time comes.”



He said those words with such surety I believed him through and through. He gave me courage and hope. He had lived through dark times and had prepared the way for me to have a bright future. I was grateful to him then for his encouraging words and service and I’m still grateful to him these many years later. One of the strange things about my gratitude is that I’ve never even known his name, or anything else about him. So, he has forever remained “the man in the grocery store” to me.



Now I’m passing his words of hope and courage to you. I hope they’ll comfort you the way they’ve comforted me. They have proven to be true hundreds of times over throughout my life.



My friends Mark and Rachel Nipper are the perfect example of The Grocery Store Man’s truth. A little over a year ago Mark lost his job and things looked bleak for their little family. There were days when they didn’t think they would be able to make it through their struggles.



Today I’m happy to say that not only did they make it through their dark time, they’re thriving. Just this week Rachel said, “We’re making more now than we ever have!” They’re building their bright future together and creating a solid foundation for their two sons. You can do it too!



I saw another head line in the news this week. It read, “Unemployment 8. 5%.” But, what it said to me was, “91.5% of the people in the U.S. are employed!” I thought that was great news because almost all of us are still doing well.



Yes, I know you’re scared. I’ve been scared too, but I’ve always done what I needed to do and so have you. So, the next time you’re standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, pass on the good news!

The Process of Unfolding

“The challenges I’ve faced in my life have created opportunities to grow and become more powerful.”
- Steve Farley

Use Life’s Challenges to Unfold Personal Power

I ‘m just learning to develop my personal ability to enjoy a life process I call “unfolding.” The best way I can describe unfolding is to give you a small example you may have already experienced for yourself.

If you’re like me, you’ve had the regular chance to strip the old linens from you bed and replace them with freshly laundered ones. And, if you’re like me, this has’nt been one your most loved chores! While this is still the case for me, it changed markedly when I got a cat.

My cat goes by several names; Binx (my name for him), Simba (my children’s name for him), and Bobby (my wife’s name for him). We have had this cat now for fourteen years so it doesn’t matter what name he goes by; he’s an institution in our household.

I call him an institution because there is no other way we would have put up with him this long! He has never been a very friendly cat and has had a “bad attitude” ever since we rescued him from the animal shelter. Yet, even with his nasty disposition he has clawed his way into our hearts and now these many years later he has mellowed a great deal.

When he first came to live with us, my young daughters were so terrified of him that they could not go to bed unescorted. He would lie in wait for them to make their way to their beds and spring just at the right moment to attack their bare, unprotected feet. That’s when I began to discover his power to teach me the principle of unfolding!

This nightly ritual had a tendency to put our children’s beds into a horribly rumpled state. And, since bedraggled bedding sort of impels one to tidy things up a bit, my wife and I were always in the bed making business, or so it seemed.

Since I perceived this bed making to be an unpleasant task, I’m quite sure I became as grumpy as our bad-attitude-cat. There is no question that this cat had a thing about beds from the beginning of our relationship and that relationship reached a crescendo a little over twelve years ago when he attacked me in my own bed in the middle of the night.

There I was, sleeping away when I felt something wet running down my arm! I leapt from my bed and began chasing the cat throughout the house yelling, “I’m going to tear your head off!”
Soon, my children and wife were chasing me, chasing the cat, crying and begging me not to kill the cat. Gladly, cooler heads prevailed and the cat kept on living so he could continue to teach me about unfolding in a more playful way.

By now you can see that my life had turned into the life of a bed chamber maid because I was spending time daily tidying up our beds. But, that’s when something curious started to happen. When the cat saw the activity of making a bed, he would jump up onto the bed so as to be trapped under the sheets! This is when he would be the most playful and have fun. It’s also when we would have the most fun with the cat.

The interesting thing is that we were only doing the additional work as a result of the cat and that the work then became a game. As you can see from this story, the cat created a number of challenges for me and my family. At the same time, the challenges created the opportunity for us to discover new joy and happiness we would not have discovered otherwise.

This reveals the important concept I talked with you about earlier, the process of unfolding. The process of unfolding is: It is impossible for a person to see everything at once. The path of life can only be wholly revealed in stages or pieces. Once I began to understand this process I began to relax more and look at the unfolding as a game or fun.

The fun comes from the knowledge that unfolding creates anticipation. The anticipation can only come as a result of being “blind to the future.” Once I started viewing the process of unfolding as a game, it became easier for me to accept and enjoy!

I know you’ve had challenges in your life and that will not change. Now that you have been introduced to the process of unfolding you can begin to use the process to your advantage. Know that there is no way for you to see all the answers you’re seeking right now; especially while you may be severely challenged! Know that by paying attention to the process of unfolding you will have important things revealed to you just when you need them. Cherish this knowledge and use it as a comfort now and in the future.

There may be cats waiting to attack your bare feet in the dark, but those same cats may be able to provide you with joy and happiness in the near future. I know this is a true principle; look to it to for understanding, strength and anticipation of a great future!