“They gave me a box of pantyhose.” – Donna Sansbury

From Ashes

“They gave me a box of pantyhose.”  Donna Sansbury said.  “I could only drive five miles at a time, then I’d have to stop to remove the panty hose, from covering the air filter in my car, and replace it with one from the box, before I could drive forward.”

Donna’s father was ill when Mount St. Helens erupted.  She was living in the Tri-Cities, Washington then.  Her mother, grandmother and father were living deeper in the ash cloud than she was, so she went to bring them out to where their health would be less compromised.

“When I got there my mother and grandmother would not leave.  They were afraid of leaving their home under the ash.”  Donna continued.

She explained.  Volcano ash isn’t like smoke.  It is more like gravel raining from the sky.  It’s heavy.  That meant that her mother needed to climb up on the roof of their home and other outbuildings to shovel the ash off or the buildings may have collapsed under the weight.  It was a time of emergency, trial and darkness.

“It was a dark time.  In fact, the ash cloud made the daytime as dark as midnight!” Donna expanded.

And, that falling ash wasn’t the only trail the people of the region had been facing.  The Tri-Cities area was known for growing some of the best apples in the world.  Yet, over the few years prior to the eruption apple quality had waned.

“The soil had become too saline.  So much so that it began to negatively affect plant growth, resulting in reduced crop yield and even plant death under the severe conditions.”  Donna explained.  “The ground around the apple trees was cracked and a white salt border surrounded each crack.  Even the once lush grass in our yards turned brown and died!”

Then her eyes brightened as she explained what wonderous things happened after the ash had fallen.

“The ash delivered new alkalinity to the soil.  It counteracted the saline conditions and soon the apples were beautiful and flavorful again!  Our lawns were suddenly lush once more.  And, a new industry was born; pottery from volcano ash.  Increased quality of life arose from the ashes of disaster!” Donna brightly revealed.

She knows quite a bit more about struggling with adversity as well.  She’s fought cancer on at least two occasions.  And, during each battle she’s focused on the good she knows will, with certainty, arise from facing and overcoming tragedy.

“Difficulty creates great character and exceptional people!”  Donna reminds everyone who is struggling through personal challenge.  “It’s the ash that acts as unexpected nourishment!”

“They gave me a box of pantyhose to counter falling ash.”  Donna Sansbury said.  “I could only drive five miles at a time, then I’d have to stop to remove the panty hose, from covering the air filter in my car, and replace it with one from the box before I could drive forward. Ash-filled pantyhose is heavy!”

Knowing that ash-filled-times are a forerunner of more than just a bleak and heavy burden can help you and me during dark times, as we struggle forward.  After all, Donna has been through volcanic ash clouds and cancer to become a model of how facing and subjugating darkness can pave the way for enhanced living.

It’s the ash in life that acts as unexpected nourishment for creating hope as well as a path to become a great people.

Never Doubt

“Never doubt why things happen to you.” – Greg Blackbourn

Never Doubt

“Never doubt why things happen to you. There is always a positive. ALWAYS.” Greg Blackbourn said as he recounted a recent personal experience as a way of illustrating his unwavering belief. 

His day was filled with reasons to doubt. He had a client who came late to his appointment.  As a result, Greg was late arriving at his next appointment, in the center of the city. That caused this client to reschedule, as they didn’t have enough time to complete their business by the time Greg arrived.  It was a disheartening day!  And, that was about to change.

“I was downtown and driving and saw Taco Time and was going to go through the drive thru to get some food.”  He said. “There were at least 10 cars in the drive-up lane, so instead of joining the packed line I decided to just park and go inside.” 

Once standing in the line to order, two people just cut in front of him as if he wasn't there.  At first, he was going to say something to those place-hoppers, but then just thought, “it's not that huge of a deal.”  He knew he was going to get his food soon enough.

And, he did. This was his chance to take a deep breath and receive some refreshment toward the end of a long, disappointing day.  It was this moment of anticipated relaxation when everything changed.

“There was a guy in a Utah Shirt (Utes) at the table next to me.  All of a sudden a man in a motorized wheelchair, that has some severe mental and physical disability, came in between our tables. He started to hit us both in a panic.”

Other people looked at what was happening and ignored the whole thing. They looked the other way and acted as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.  Greg continued his account.

“The Ute Fan and I both realized, at the same time, he wasn't attacking us. He was choking and couldn't breathe!”

Without a word between them in, unison, seemingly synchronized movement, both Greg and the other diner jumped up and put the breathless person into position to receive the Heimlich Maneuver, hoping it would save the choking man’s life. 

Pop! The blockage in his airway was dislodged and within seconds, the panic was over!

“He couldn't communicate well, but the words thank you came out clearly to us.”  Greg said.  “I asked if he was O.K. and he nodded.

The man’s other rescuer followed with, "I'm so sorry you had to experience that and I am glad you came to us!" 

With that, the man in the wheelchair smiled and drove away, leaving his two champions grinning at each other. Mountains of information was exchanged through that smile before Greg’s new friend said with hesitancy, "I have to leave. Can you?"

And, before he could finish Greg said "I got this and will wait until he is done eating before I leave." 

So, Greg sat there for another ten minutes, just to make sure their new chum could finish his meal safely.  

Greg could have been harboring an enduring resentment over his first client of the afternoon being late. He could have held onto anger about driving all the way from Sandy to downtown, through heavy traffic, only to have his next appointment reschedule. He could have been impatient and drove off, in anger, before making the seemingly insignificant decision to walk inside a restaurant to eat some dinner.  He could have shown hostility toward the people who cut in line ahead to him. But, had he done any of those things he wouldn't have been able to help a total stranger.

“I'm telling you this because sometimes I am guilty of letting little things get to me and letting them change the course of my day and mood too often. But, on this one, life changing day, I chose to not let little things get to me. And it impacted me for the best!  Greg reflected.

Greg always encourages everyone to become “their most genuine, best self.”  Yet, all of his coaxing cannot rival the same, more impactful message conveyed through his example. 

“We have become so busy in our world that we ignore our surroundings and are looking for instant gratification too often.”  Greg says.  “We find ways to attack other people that don't see the world the way we do. Everything is polarized when we have these blinders on. Thankfully, one Ute Fan slowed down with me on this day, so we could share the unspeakable joy of saving someone's life together.”

Greg’s finished his account with, “Find reasons to not let others take away from your happiness and be more present. It can save a life. Never doubt why things happen to you. There is always a positive. ALWAYS.”

Never doubt it.

The Back 40 Loop

“Great stuff. Lots of fun and flow.” – Patrick Jones

The Back 40 Loop

He looked sincere and excited as he said, “I live here because of the trails.  I love to ride my bike on the ‘Back 40.’”

The Back 40 isn’t simply a world-class mountain bike riding trail; it’s a testament to both sport and life. These 40 miles will make you feel like you’re in the middle of nowhere, but are rideable.  And, the trail has some image evoking section names, such as Slaughter Pen and Blowing Springs. He said with a slightly turned-up smirk, as he continued his description.

There are easier trails to follow for sure.  There are some harder ones as well.  He interprets The Back 40 Loop as intermediate.  And, it’s so easy to feel his excitement as he talks about the trail’s attributes, such as the trail’s wooden outcroppings which are seemingly, miraculously gripping the sides of shear rock cliffs.  He also loves riding in the overhanging shade of those same cliffs.

In a quip, Patrick Jones called this trail, “Great stuff.  Lots of fun and flow. But, the razor-sharp rocks proved formidable foes to our sidewalls.”

That one phrase, formidable foes, seemingly triggered a shift in his position and he effortlessly transitioned from talking exclusively about his bicycling adventures to how riding trails actually “saved his life.” 

“Mountain biking has taught me some important things.  Things about the power of exercise, the importance of distraction through recreation and most importantly about how to break free of painful Back-40-Loops in life.  Because, sometimes it can feel as if a difficult or dark cycle in life is inescapable.  So, here are my four painful-loop-breaking tips.”  Patrick said.

First, focus. Be fully absorbed within your present moment.  “I’ve found this to be especially important when riding through very difficult or technically challenging sections of a trail.  Not giving such a trail my full attention will almost always result in a crash!  In these situations, there can be no room in my mind for thinking back, re-living the past, or about what may be ahead on the trail.”  

Patrick also says that when he learned this, he discovered its unique ability to increase his joy.  “It gave me the emotional room necessary to increase inner joy, by allowing me to savor what I call, moment-by-moment accomplishment!” 

Second, choose joy as much as possible. “Interestingly, I learned that the most challenging trails, those that hold my attention fully, give me the greatest sense of accomplishment!”  There is something about being fully absorbed, tuned-in, to one particular moment or challenge that gives a person a greater sense of fulfillment.  “Sure, navigating difficult terrain, is well, difficult!  But I think humans are hard-wired to work and overcome.  That’s why we purposefully do things that challenge us. Allow yourself to claim joy by working toward triumph.”

Third, be actively grateful.  “I use the term actively grateful because for some reason, sometimes people seem to think that gratitude is something that just happens. It just kind of magically happens.  I guess that can be the case, but when I finish a ride my sense of gratitude is heightened by spending a well-deserved time of rest, relaxation and reflection.”  

Patrick says this is especially true when he takes the time to sit with friends, share a cold drink, and become a storyteller about how close he came to certain death while riding the trail. “That’s when it hits me most!” He says, “I think to myself right then, ‘wow!’ I can’t believe I just did that!  Then, I let a warm rush of accomplishment, a feeling of ‘I’m just grateful to still be alive’ fill my soul.”

Fourth, surround yourself with support from people who understand.  “Some people can ride alone forever and be happy.  People with that proclivity tell me that riding is what they love.  I get that, but when I share the ride, the experience, with others who ‘get it’ my joy goes to a whole new level!”  He also says that when he reaches a spot on the trail with an amazing view and he’s all alone, he wishes he could share it with someone.  But, that’s only part of his story.

Patrick also says there are plenty of times when he needs to discuss how to make it through trail obstacles with someone.  Someone who understands and has been there before.  Even if he can’t find someone who’s been on that particular trail before, discussing it with someone who’s experienced a similar situation, and conquered it, can make all the difference!  Shared pain is often more manageable pain.  And, an outsider’s perspective can often guide someone else toward finding purpose in what they’re experiencing.

He looked sincere and excited as he said, “The Back 40 isn’t simply a world-class mountain bike riding trail, it’s taught me how to break free of painful Back-40-Loops in life as well!”

Sometimes, Tomorrow Never Comes

The unexpected departure of a friend.

Sometimes, Tomorrow Never Comes

He’s no longer answering messages; text, email or voice.  It is a sudden and profound silence.

Just a few weeks ago we had lunch together at Table Mesa.  Matt was in picture perfect health then.  We talked about stuff; business, family, hopes, dreams and plans.  Matt Isabell, founder of Tugg Logistics and Moab Companies excitedly expressed his big plans.  Shortly thereafter, we were working together to live his dreams by expanding his businesses to Pennsylvania and Utah, so he could take on new clients and enter new markets.  Then, just as we were reviewing the final draft of the lease, for his proposed facility in Pennsylvania, and beginning negotiations on another building in Utah, he became uncharacteristically uncommunicative.

That’s when I knew something had taken a dramatic turn.  I just didn’t know what that turn was, so I contacted others we were working with in this bold effort.  One of Matt’s sons, Joseph, spoke to me with an assurance that everything was still on track.  His father had entered the hospital for treatment of symptoms related to COVID-19.  He also expressed his confidence that his father would soon be well.  Then, we’d continue forward with our plans for tomorrow.

By the beginning of the next week, it had become clear that the timeline we’d forecast, to usher in the hoped-for-tomorrow, was not fitting into the current reality we were facing. Then, our hoped for, one week expanded into two, three, four, five, and six.  Matt wasn’t making progress in this amount of time, where he was being treated, so the decision was made to transport him to a larger, specialty hospital in Kansas City.  The transfer was to be completed on yet another tomorrow, the next day.

When that other morrow came his attending physicians determined that he was not strong enough to make the trip.  And, upon the next morrow, Matt was transported to another realm, to live with those of us to admired him, no more.  

Yet, Matt has given all of us more gift.  He’s shown us that even though a person goes through a lot in their life, had a lot of things thrown their way, they, everyone, can seek to find the good, while keeping their stuff; business, family, hopes, dreams and plans moving dynamically forward. We can all focus, as he did, on inspiring other people through our love and kindness.

Matt Rascon once wrote, “When you’ve been in rough water, you know and appreciate the calm.”

So today, I’m appreciating the gifts that Matt personally gave the world in his short time living here with us.  He was happy to share his goodness, knowledge and commitment to creating a brighter future for everyone. And he’s still doing so, even now, when he’s no longer answering messages; text, email or voice.  Remembering him and seeing what he created here tempers what otherwise would be a much more disturbing, profound silence.

Just a few weeks ago Matt and I had lunch together at Table Mesa.  Matt was in picture perfect health.  We talked about tomorrow and stuff.  Today, you and I are reminded that sometimes, tomorrow never comes.

Qualities of Mind

“There is little doubt that Happiness circuits are highly suggestible, and that they are transformable through intention and effort.  They are among the most plastic circuits in the brain.”

Miriam Boleyn-Fitzgerald

Qualities of Mind

I was talking with a friend regarding his children the other day.  He was lamenting the verity that they were unhappy and lacked motivation in every aspect of their lives.  One, a daughter, had all but given up her life and had returned to their nest rarely choosing to leave her small bedroom.

When I say she had given up her life, I mean that she had given up almost all the good that had existed in it.  She had received a good education and had excelled in her classes, she had great friends, upon graduation she received a good job and she also enjoyed good health.  In fact, if one looked at her life from the outside, it was almost impossible to conclude anything except that she was the recipient of great happiness.  But, a closer look would have revealed a different conclusion.

She is lacking, as so many of us are,  life skills such as regulating negative emotions, cultivating positive ones, and building and maintaining healthy personal relationships .  Such skills correlate more closely with happiness and life success than any standard measure of academic or financial performance.  A person’s capacity to cooperate, ability to regulate personal emotions, and capacity to focus attention on such skills is far more important for life success than one’s IQ or grades.  Miriam Boleyn-Fitzgerald calls these attributes, “qualities of mind.”  

Sadly, I find these qualities to be missing in my own life from time to time.  When this is the case I begin to feel lost, alone and hopeless.   So, I have begun to wonder if critical traits such as compassion and empathy are trainable and if I could change my life through practice; if so, it would have transformative implications for how I prepare myself and my loved-ones for the long emotional road ahead.

In searching my mind for the answer, I was reminded of the story of Mingyur Rinpoche, the author of “The Joy of Living.” As a young child he was hardly happy.  From the time he was seven or eight until he was thirteen, he experienced severe panic attacks, despite growing up in a loving family and nurturing spiritual community.  He believes that if he had lived in a Western society, he probably would have been diagnosed with a childhood panic disorder.

An emotional shift for him came as a young teenager during a three-year meditation retreat.  At first his panic got worse, and he found himself caught in one debilitating anxiety attack after another.  He describes that first year on retreat as one of the worst of his life.  He became so deeply unhappy, he says, that he “really decided to apply mediation training.”  At one point he confronted his panic alone in his room for several days, using it as a support for his meditation.  After an intensive period of applying what he had learned from his teachers, to relate to his powerful emotions not as his “enemy” or his “boss,” as he puts it, but as his friend, the panic was gone.  Since that time, he has not experienced another attack.

His story has given me renewed hope; we can train ourselves to live happily by practicing life changing qualities of mind such as compassion, empathy, kindness, gratitude, and capacity for love.  We can be happier and more successful by transforming ourselves through intention and effort; becoming increasingly aware that the cultivation of positive emotions is vital to draw a map of personal happiness free from suffering and the causes of suffering.