Showing Kindness When in Pain

“I guess I’m still alive because AdaMarie needs to have someone to talk to.”

- Carol Butterfield

Showing Kindness When In Pain

I called my aged mother about four days ago.  During our conversation she told me that she had twisted her back in a “funny way and heard a snap. “ I knew instantly that this was not good news!  She has had several vertebrae break over the years and has been battling to maintain strength and health as a result.  So, as soon as we stopped talking I called my gentle and compassionate sister who lives in the same town.

My sister took our mother to have her back checked and found that she had indeed cracked another vertebra!  She then organized a care plan and began to take care of her.  When my wife, daughter and I went to visit as soon as we could and we were glad to see that she was getting along well under her painful circumstances.

During our visit, we sat, visited, rested and played a board game for about three hours.  Throughout our time together, her telephone rang and rang from one single caller.  She has a neighbor who has been alone since her parents, grandparents and siblings all passed away more than thirty years ago.  This neighbor lives a life that can be best described as agoraphobic.  She has very few friends and relies on my mother for many kinds of assistance.  Even though my mother told her she had guests and couldn’t talk at the moment, the calls kept coming.

As her telephone rang again and again I found myself becoming agitated; ready to grab the phone and make the calls stop.  But, I watched my mother’s benevolent eyes as she kindly spoke to her neighbor each time she called.  When asked how she dealt with this challenging relationship she said, “I guess I’m still alive because AdaMarie needs to have someone to talk to.”  She never takes personal credit for her acts of goodness.  But, she deserves the credit for an important lesson learned during this visit.

 My mother’s goodness has shown me that kindness to others must never end, even when your personal pain is almost unbearable.  True character is demonstrated over a lifetime and is always revealed when one is enduring sickness, pain or mental anguish.  You can show your strength of character every day by offering goodness to others even when you don’t feel well or are suffering personally.

Remembering Pure Joy

Bre Instefjord receiving metals after competing in a gymnastics meet

Remembering Pure Joy

My friend Bre practices her Gymnastics hard several days each week.  There are some days in which she struggles, but she does it because she loves it.  I know she loves it because she works through her struggles and stays with it until she conquers each new challenging skill as she grows.

She isn’t the first girl I’ve seen go through this process.  I had two daughters of my own who loved competing as gymnasts.  They would work until their hands became raw on some days.  But they kept at it until those same hands became thick with calluses.

I remember watching one day when one of my girls “ripped” her hand while working her bar routine.  Her callused skin had split wide open and her eyes were filled with tears.  When the other girls saw what had happened they all rushed over and gave her hugs and pats saying, “Congratulations! You got your first rip, way to go!”  When next I was able to see my daughter’s face, the tears were gone and she was beaming with pride.  I know the pain was still there, but her satisfaction as having accomplished something that few people in the world had done soothed her pain as if she were wrapped in a blanket while sipping chicken noodle soup. 

Accomplishment achieved as a result of hard work, coupled with sincere admiration from loved ones is perhaps the greatest joy a person can experience in life.  But, as life presses in upon us from time to time it is also a principle we begin to let drift into a descended brain fog.  It’s so easy to get discouraged and disheartened.

I was falling prey to just such feelings the other day when Bre’s Grandmother asked me over to see video of the awards ceremony from the 25^th Annual Cryatal Cup Gymnastics Competition.  I watched Bre stand and have five metals draped around her neck!  But what I really saw was a face that shown bright as the sun, fueled by a bursting chest of excitement!  She was the definition of pure joy.

My little internal voice said, “Remember that feeling?  You should. That’s accomplishment achieved as a result of hard work!”

I was humbled at the sight and internal message.  It made me want to be a hard worker again.  It made me want to show sincere admiration for the others around me who had received their first rip as a result of their hard work that day.

 If that’s you, congratulations on getting your first rip.  Keep up the good work.  Your awards ceremony is coming up soon!

No Matter What

“I will be having a baby boy in about a month.  No matter what our financial situation looks like we couldn’t be happier.” – A Client

No Matter What

All of us have challenges in our lives.  I know when I’m in the middle staring down my challenges there are times when I forget to remember what I’m happy about!  So, when I was having a conversation with one of my clients her words acted as a light, refreshing rain on my mind.

We had just finished closing on the sale of one of her properties and I sent her a text message, “Congratulations, we have funded and recorded on your property.”   It was my desire to give her comfort.  She and her husband were forced to sell their home due to financial challenges.

The husband had been in a horrible traffic accident a few years ago and had been gravely injured.  He worked in construction so the physical damage didn’t allow him to get back to work for a couple of years.  When he did get back to work, it was only few months before he was injured again as a result of falling off of a roof.  Their financial crisis worsened.

When they had gone through all of their savings and could no longer pay for their home, they decided to put it on the market and sell it even though they owed more than its current market value.  They moved in with relatives and I negotiated with their two lenders so they would agree to allow the home to be sold.  The closing of their home was a huge financial relief.

They had been struggling for a few years and I knew they would continue to have some struggles even with their home being sold.  Accordingly, I wanted them to receive a congratulatory note so they would be able to feel the success of reaching another important mile stone in their financial recovery.  Her reply filled me with encouragement beyond my anticipation.

“Congratulations to you!  We know how hard you have worked for us.  By the way, I will be having a baby boy in about a month.  No matter what our financial situation looks like we couldn’t be happier.”

Couldn’t be happier couldn’t be a better reminder to you and me.  Even though there will be challenges to face almost every day of our lives, there will still be beautiful and exciting events that will offer us encouragement and joy if we will simply accept the good and see it for what it is; no matter what.

The Universal Law of Reversibility

“You can be anyone you want here!”

-      Rex C. Reeve

The Universal Law of Reversibility

I had been attending college for about a year and a half when I decided to take some time off.  It was important to me give back by volunteering in a different community.  It was also a chance for me to take a close look at the path I had been on in school to make sure it was the path I really wanted to be on.

Not long after my plane landed in the location assigned, my supervisor took the time to sit down with me and talk.  I told him what I was hoping to discover about myself while I was there.  I’ll never forget what he told me at that time, “You can be anyone you want to be here!”

It is the first time I can remember catching a glimpse of the “Universal Law of Reversibility.”  This law is highly important because it enables you to foresee your inverse transformation once the direct transformation is verified within.  If you knew how you would feel when you realized your objective, then, you would know what state you could realize were you to awaken in yourself such feeling; believe you already possess your goal and you will.

This truth was taught to me again today as I sat on a red, velvet covered couch speaking with one of my close friends.  He carefully described the transformation of his life over the past five years or so.

“Once I accepted the realization of my goal, my whole life changed over night!  I finally knew that the future I had envisioned was mine.  It was mine.  I accepted it!  Now my marriage and business are just amazing!” 

All of us have had the feeling of “swimming upstream.”  My friend said that when he decided to stop this process, the illusion of constantly looking at the past as if it continued to live, his life reversed its path of difficulty and he was propelled forward as if swimming with the strength of the stream.

I sat entranced as he told me his story.  I could feel his pain and his triumph.  But, mostly I could see the truth of his description of the Universal Law of Reversibility.  His eyes poured the truth into my soul.  I knew again that I could reverse any negative path I would ever encounter.  If difficulties exist then the reverse must also exist.

For a long time electricity was produced by friction without the thought that friction, in turn, could be produced by electricity.  It is the new thought that caused the reverse to occur.  If you want to electrify your life, use your imagination to create a new thought that will cause the reverse you desire.  Everything in life is reversible!

On the Heels of Success

“I was just telling her that it doesn’t do any good to worry. I know she already knows, but sometimes we all need to be reminded.” – Susan Coble

On the Heels of Success

Fashion Week in New York City is a gathering of the world’s best clothing designers and everyone who supports the fashion industry.  During this short make or break period, attendees know that their year can be made or lost.  They spend their time setting the stage for their coming year’s financial and professional success.  Everyone works at a frenetic pace hoping to get as much out of their efforts as possible and when it ends, participants sometimes have a huge mental and physical let down.

“Dad.” My Daughter Jessi said on the other end of the phone.  “I’m just exhausted!”

She was calling me to give me an update on the last couple of weeks since we hadn’t gotten time to speak together during Fashion week.  “I just finished with a real successful show!  I got a chance to have lunch with my friend Susan today.  It was great to have some down time with a friend who would understand.  I was feeling real down and Susan, a fashion model, said to me, ‘don’t worry about the future.  It will all unfold the way it should.’”

Jessi was describing something that I’ve experienced myself over and over again.  It’s the let down that often comes after a huge success.  It’s a feeling that creeps into one’s heart after lots of hard work pays off.  I call it the “all has been accomplished void.”   I’ve heard others call it the “what have you done for me lately” syndrome!

Rather than taking some time off to enjoy the moment, it’s common for successful people to lose faith in the future because they aren’t actively moving their lives rapidly forward at the moment.  In fact, they haven’t even had time to get their feet back under themselves so they can go on to the next step.  They feel out of balance and out of control so they allow their minds to flounder.

This floundering is very much like a person who swims until they are exhausted.  They just can’t take another stroke so they begin to flail in the water hoping they won’t drown.  Their instincts take over and if they don’t take active control of their mind in such a situation, they can die easily.  The alternative however is easier.

If the swimmer simply tips their head back to relax and float, their arms and legs can get the rest they need to continue on.  In just a little while, when their strength has returned, they can swim forward with renewed dedication.

So, next time you come off the heels of success take Susan’s advice, tip your head back, relax and float for a little while.  Take the time to regain your strength.  You’ve already proven yourself.  With renewal pulsing through your veins, move forward and give it all you’ve got!

The Glass Sentinel

“I’m looking for a job that will allow me to do what I want to do.”

-      Kyle Butterfield

The Glass Sentinel

I could smell the large trees that were surrounding me.  The fresh air seemed to be streaming right from their leaves into my nose.  It made me feel as if I was sitting in a forest in early spring and the feeling was exceptionally welcome since I had braved fog, snow and freezing cold air before I could enjoy it.  Just beyond the trees were sentinel glass barriers that kept all that gloomy winter stuff at bay.

This interior garden was enlivening to me and I needed it because the cloud darkened day was coming to a close and I still had two meetings left.  Luckily they were both in this spirit-refueling garden that was about to turn into something akin to a fortune teller.

There was a table for us to sit at during our conversation and there were two chairs that allowed us to look at each other as we talked.  The tête-à-tête was pleasant and revealing for both of us as we got to know each other better.  I learned about the other person’s business as well as his family.  I also learned about his life’s aspirations.  But, there was one curious thing.

“I am looking forward to retiring so I can do something of real value.” He said to me.

“Isn’t your working adding value to others now?” I asked.

“Yes.  But, it isn’t what I really want to do.”  He responded.

“But, if you really want to do it wouldn’t you be doing it?” I replied.

Sometimes we think that we can only do what we want to do if we are doing it as a medium of exchange for money.  Or, we think that since we spend time working for money that we’re unable to do what we really love to do.

My Nephew Kyle called me today.  He told me that he had recently graduated from college.  I know that he’s worked long and hard to get his degree!  He’s been searching for work so he can provide for his wife and their new baby.  He has an interview this coming week.

“It isn’t what I want to do.” He said.

“Why can’t you do what you want to do?” I replied.

“I haven’t found anyone who will pay me to be an illustrator!” He responded.

“Let me ask you a question,” I answered. “Do writers write?”

“Yes.”

“Do illustrators, illustrate?”

“Yes.”

“So, if you want to be an illustrator, illustrate!” I advocated.

It’s important that you become your own advocate, since we live in a world that’s cold & snowy and covered in fog.  You can look inside and illustrate our own interior garden; find what you love to do.  After all, that’s who you really are!  When you discover it, you’ll find that it’s enlivening.  It will act as your sentinel glass barrier that will keep you safe and warm even when the outer world is dark and threatening and you need to work for money do keep a roof over your head and food in your belly.

Take a walk in your garden today by discovering what it is that you really want to do and then go out and do it.  If you’re a writer, write.  If you’re a teacher, teach.  If you’re an artist, create art.  When you get in touch with your love, every other person will benefit.  There is no limit on what love can do!

Self Actualized Presence

“Bless my Dad in whatever he does.”

-      A friend’s son

Self Actualized Presence

One of my friends is an exceptional entrepreneur.  He’s still young, but he was very young when he sold his first company.  Since he was young and had a family, he had a young family and was in the perfect situation.  He had lots of money and lots of time to spend with his family!

He had plenty of time because after he sold his company he no longer needed to work for money to provide for his family.  Since he didn’t need to go out to interact with other people every day; he became casual in many aspects of his life.  He dressed in a sloppy manner and began to grow an un-kept beard.  My friend lived in this new pattern day after day until something happened to teach him an important lesson.  He is a religious man and was having a prayer with his family one morning when his son, praying carefully for God to bless each member of his family, said:

“Bless my sister so she can do well on her math test.  Bless my brother so he can win his basketball game.  Bless my Dad in whatever he does.”

Those spoken words, “whatever he does,” helped my friend see that in the eyes of his children he no longer did anything they could comprehend; in the view of his children, he was doing nothing.

“They didn’t understand what I did with my days.” He told me.  “They were going out each day to face their futures.  They went to school, they competed in sports, and they took lessons.  They were initiating action each day in the present while simultaneously facing their future and looking to the past.  The change in my life was so incongruous with our past together that they were worried about me.  They couldn’t understand what I was doing!  The truth is that I didn’t understand what I was doing either.”

My friend’s son had taught him “The Principle of Combining Belief and Action” without knowing it.  But, my friend knew it, that’s how he built a successful company.  So he changed from a person who was simply being acted upon back to a person who acted.  It’s what separates intelligent beings from all other forms in the universe.  In fact, we learn and grow most effectively by exercising our will with belief.  Both learning and growth require mental and physical exertion, not just passive reception or entertainment. 

The learning and growth I’m describing reaches far beyond simple cognitive comprehension and mere gathering of facts or the recall of information.  The type of learning and growth I’m referring to allows a person to leave a common life behind.  It sets the ordinary aside by converting ones action, past and future into one self actualized presence.

My friend took this principle to heart again.  He set inaction aside and has developed a new company.  He has surrounded himself with others who are acting in common belief, that they can take their technology and combine it with needed change to create products and services that will change millions of other lives. 

Perhaps most importantly he has changed his own life and is again living in a pattern that his kids, and all of us, can understand, follow and embrace.