Earned, Established Trust

Their bodies relaxed.  Their spirits soared.

Earned, Established Trust

I looked out of my back window, just as I do every day, and began to count, one, two, . . ..  The numbers were not adding up!  Such is the case, often in the morning.  As a result, I wasn’t too worried and went about my business.  Until the sun had pushed its way across the sky for another couple of hours.

I drove back home just so I could check the count again, one, two, . . ..  It was the same result!  I began to worry and walk.  My walk took me all the way to the end of our pasture, to the very last gate, which was partially closed.  It should have been open, with a tie to hold it in place, so I pushed the gate open, walked into the next enclosure, and began to tie that gate, open, attaching it to the fence.

Once it was attached, I turned to greet the two missing steers.  They weren’t absent any longer.  The hulking steers stood near me waiting, even though they could have walked through the fully opened gate before I turned to say hello.  I reached forward.  They raised their heads up and down in response.  I answered with a small pivot to the right and a beckoning wave.  We began moving forward as they followed in line, continuing an established trust, and I smiled.

I smiled for a couple of reasons.  First, I was happy to know that my steers were well and could return to the herd.  Second, it has taken me a lifetime to really appreciate the power of earning and establishing trust.  In my younger years, my father told me that cows only understood two languages, “two-by four and cussing.”  In those days, I remember chasing errant cows across fields on foot and sometimes by truck.  My dad once bent the frame of his three-quarter ton ranch truck in pursuit of a marauding bull.  It was pretty crazy!  That was then.  This is now!

We continued parading together, north toward the watering trough.  I knew the steers would be thirsty and would want their morning drink.  As we neared in our approach, they sensed my intent, smelled the water and began to buck and run toward the water with joy.  They siphoned long streams of cool water upon their arrival.  Their bodies were relaxed.  Their spirits soared.

My spirit also soared, just to the west of where they stood drinking, as I opened the gate and latched it shut.  I looked back as I walked toward my house, just as I do every day, and began to count, one, two, . . ..  The numbers were adding up!  Such is the case, more often than not, when living life on the basis of earned, established trust.

The Man in The Grocery Store

“We’re making more money now than ever before.”
- Rachel Nipper

The Man in the Grocery Store

I know a lot of people who have been going through some hard times over the past two or three years. It’s always hard for me to see friends struggle and lose their confidence. The bad news is it’s hard for some. The good news is that the time of pain has ended for others and they are now in the process of healing. I’m old enough now that I’ve have been through this kind of pain/healing cycle before, and I view it a little differently than I did when I was much younger because of one man.



I’ll never forget standing in a grocery store line in Southern California in 1978 getting ready to pay for my groceries. As I stood waiting, I began to read the news paper there on the rack. I was alarmed by the headlines and could feel fear enter my entire body as I gazed at the grim news.



Those were troublesome days. We were struggling through one of the worst gas shortages ever faced in the United States and there seemed to be a war on the horizon. The high cost of gas was one problem but the larger problem was that there wasn’t enough gas. There were days when we would wait in line for four or five hours and hope there was gas left when we got to the pump. Many times I had waited only to have the station attendant put a “last car” sign on the car in front of me!



One of my close friends, a physician who would drive from Orange County to LA County every day for work, would have his teen aged daughter take the car and wait in the gas line every evening; she could do her home work while doing a huge favor for her father. It was difficult for the entire family, but they pulled together and made it through the gas shortage.



The gas shortage wasn’t what was on my mind as I stood and read headlines in the check-outline. Those headlines were even scarier to me because it looked as if the United States was heading to war and I just happened to be the right age to be drafted.



On the day I said I would never forget, in the grocery store line, there was a man standing behind me. He must have seen a look of fear on my face because he started to talk with me. After a little small talk, I confessed to him that I was really scared. Then I watched his face change and I witnessed a new power build within him. His serious tone sprung out as a crescendo as he said, “I fought in World War II.”



“We were scared then, just as you are now. But, we did what we needed to do, and so will you when the time comes.”



He said those words with such surety I believed him through and through. He gave me courage and hope. He had lived through dark times and had prepared the way for me to have a bright future. I was grateful to him then for his encouraging words and service and I’m still grateful to him these many years later. One of the strange things about my gratitude is that I’ve never even known his name, or anything else about him. So, he has forever remained “the man in the grocery store” to me.



Now I’m passing his words of hope and courage to you. I hope they’ll comfort you the way they’ve comforted me. They have proven to be true hundreds of times over throughout my life.



My friends Mark and Rachel Nipper are the perfect example of The Grocery Store Man’s truth. A little over a year ago Mark lost his job and things looked bleak for their little family. There were days when they didn’t think they would be able to make it through their struggles.



Today I’m happy to say that not only did they make it through their dark time, they’re thriving. Just this week Rachel said, “We’re making more now than we ever have!” They’re building their bright future together and creating a solid foundation for their two sons. You can do it too!



I saw another head line in the news this week. It read, “Unemployment 8. 5%.” But, what it said to me was, “91.5% of the people in the U.S. are employed!” I thought that was great news because almost all of us are still doing well.



Yes, I know you’re scared. I’ve been scared too, but I’ve always done what I needed to do and so have you. So, the next time you’re standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, pass on the good news!

The Process of Unfolding

“The challenges I’ve faced in my life have created opportunities to grow and become more powerful.”
- Steve Farley

Use Life’s Challenges to Unfold Personal Power

I ‘m just learning to develop my personal ability to enjoy a life process I call “unfolding.” The best way I can describe unfolding is to give you a small example you may have already experienced for yourself.

If you’re like me, you’ve had the regular chance to strip the old linens from you bed and replace them with freshly laundered ones. And, if you’re like me, this has’nt been one your most loved chores! While this is still the case for me, it changed markedly when I got a cat.

My cat goes by several names; Binx (my name for him), Simba (my children’s name for him), and Bobby (my wife’s name for him). We have had this cat now for fourteen years so it doesn’t matter what name he goes by; he’s an institution in our household.

I call him an institution because there is no other way we would have put up with him this long! He has never been a very friendly cat and has had a “bad attitude” ever since we rescued him from the animal shelter. Yet, even with his nasty disposition he has clawed his way into our hearts and now these many years later he has mellowed a great deal.

When he first came to live with us, my young daughters were so terrified of him that they could not go to bed unescorted. He would lie in wait for them to make their way to their beds and spring just at the right moment to attack their bare, unprotected feet. That’s when I began to discover his power to teach me the principle of unfolding!

This nightly ritual had a tendency to put our children’s beds into a horribly rumpled state. And, since bedraggled bedding sort of impels one to tidy things up a bit, my wife and I were always in the bed making business, or so it seemed.

Since I perceived this bed making to be an unpleasant task, I’m quite sure I became as grumpy as our bad-attitude-cat. There is no question that this cat had a thing about beds from the beginning of our relationship and that relationship reached a crescendo a little over twelve years ago when he attacked me in my own bed in the middle of the night.

There I was, sleeping away when I felt something wet running down my arm! I leapt from my bed and began chasing the cat throughout the house yelling, “I’m going to tear your head off!”
Soon, my children and wife were chasing me, chasing the cat, crying and begging me not to kill the cat. Gladly, cooler heads prevailed and the cat kept on living so he could continue to teach me about unfolding in a more playful way.

By now you can see that my life had turned into the life of a bed chamber maid because I was spending time daily tidying up our beds. But, that’s when something curious started to happen. When the cat saw the activity of making a bed, he would jump up onto the bed so as to be trapped under the sheets! This is when he would be the most playful and have fun. It’s also when we would have the most fun with the cat.

The interesting thing is that we were only doing the additional work as a result of the cat and that the work then became a game. As you can see from this story, the cat created a number of challenges for me and my family. At the same time, the challenges created the opportunity for us to discover new joy and happiness we would not have discovered otherwise.

This reveals the important concept I talked with you about earlier, the process of unfolding. The process of unfolding is: It is impossible for a person to see everything at once. The path of life can only be wholly revealed in stages or pieces. Once I began to understand this process I began to relax more and look at the unfolding as a game or fun.

The fun comes from the knowledge that unfolding creates anticipation. The anticipation can only come as a result of being “blind to the future.” Once I started viewing the process of unfolding as a game, it became easier for me to accept and enjoy!

I know you’ve had challenges in your life and that will not change. Now that you have been introduced to the process of unfolding you can begin to use the process to your advantage. Know that there is no way for you to see all the answers you’re seeking right now; especially while you may be severely challenged! Know that by paying attention to the process of unfolding you will have important things revealed to you just when you need them. Cherish this knowledge and use it as a comfort now and in the future.

There may be cats waiting to attack your bare feet in the dark, but those same cats may be able to provide you with joy and happiness in the near future. I know this is a true principle; look to it to for understanding, strength and anticipation of a great future!