Giver and Receiver

“I just want to tell him what I think of the way he’s treated me!”

Annie Butterfield

Giver and Receiver

There have been so many times in my life where I’ve benefited from the mercy of others.  I can remember one time in particular; I was in college and working full time.  The company I was working for discontinued operation and I found myself without the ability to pay rent and tuition or to buy food.  It was a distressful time for me to say the least.

When I explained the situation to my landlord they were so kind and generous!  They allowed me to stay for a month, accepted the deposit I had given as payment, and then spread the word that I needed assistance in finding a new job.  As a result, they were not the only ones who came to my aid.

Another friend of mine, Monica Carlsen, a woman with the most clear blue eyes I have ever seen, brought groceries to my door and gave them to me with a smile and sparkle in her eyes.   Without her kindness I would not have had any food for the coming month.  That same month brought me many more examples of how the tender mercies of others make all the difference to people like me who need to receive compassion.

Compassion is born from the heart of those who give it.  It is sympathy for the suffering of others and almost always includes a desire to reach out and help.  But it is the giving of mercy that teaches, through example, how to give to others when the dark night of a broken heart would have one do otherwise.

My daughter recently had her heart crushed by her best friend and I watched her reel from the disorienting experience.  She wanted to lash out and teach this offending person an angry lesson.  I understand her pain because I have felt it myself.  But, even while understanding it, the benefits of mercy continued to ring the bells of compassion loudly in my ears.

“There will come a time when you will need to receive mercy from others.” I explained to her.  “How can you expect to receive mercy when you need it if you are not willing to give it freely under all circumstances?”

She did give it!  And, even though it was mostly because of my coaxing, I could still see the relief it has already distilled upon her heart.  Doing the right thing, because you believe it is the right thing, pays huge dividends even when one does not completely understand it.

As I look through my aging eyes at the world around me I don’t understand why there is so much pain and suffering everywhere I look.  But, I do understand that showing compassion and offering mercy to others will act as the miracle medicine we all need to receive; because in all cases, every one of us must be mercy’s giver and receiver.

Doubt Not and Believe in Yourself

Circumstance does not make the man, it reveals him to himself.

- Allen James

Doubt Not and Believe in Yourself

The world we live in can be filled with tragedy.  I was reminded of this over this entire week as my family dealt with the death of a loved one.  This particular tragedy was not unexpected.  We all knew it was coming and we did everything we could to plan for an easing of the way.  Still, even with all of our preparation, the finality of death takes its measure.

In a particularly difficult moment, I sat talking with my daughter Annie about personal power and what it means to possess power as we reasoned about the feeling of loss we shared.  I put my arm around her and felt her tear stained cheek against mine.  It was a time when all possible feelings of power seemed to be lost in the mist of emotional fog accompanying a terrible storm.  In fact, this moment took me back to a time when I was very young, on a day when the winds were howling from the mountains to the East. 

The wind hurled down the canyons with speeds toping seventy miles per hour.  I could feel the power of the wind and it made me feel alive and strong inside.  I wanted to incorporate that power into my being.  So, I unzipped my coat and leaving my arms in the sleeves reached down to the right and left corners of the fabric and hoisted it above my head as if it were a sail.  As soon as I did so, the wind seized its opportunity to answer my foolishness by making me nothing more than a piece of flying debris.  But I wasn’t only debris.  I learned two important lessons from this youthful storm experience.

First, I was more than just another piece of mindless debris.  I quickly saw my folly and released the sail so I could lie safely on the ground.  I was able to use my mind to regain control of my actions regardless of what was happening in a turbulent world.  What happens in the world outside of me does not need to control what happens within my inner world.

Second, my individual actions make an impact on what happens in the world outside of me.  External circumstances do not remove personal power.  Being human means having power; specifically, the power to accomplish whatever we want.  We only lose personal power by choosing to relinquish it.

I know you will face storms throughout your life.  I have.  But, one of the blessings of age is that experience has shown me that if I will use my mind and heart to control my own actions I will be able to impact the results I achieve.  Circumstances haven’t made me who I am or who I’ll become.  They simply reveal character.  You have the power to determine what kind of life you’ll live, how you’ll live it, and how you’ll react to the storms that swirl around you.  Doubt not, believe in yourself, and use your heart and mind to accomplish whatever you want.

 

“It makes me feel better knowing that I’m not the only one.”

- Jolie Jacobsen

Let Compassion act as Your Anchor

My phone rang late in the afternoon.  It was a close friend of mine.  She called to talk with me about some challenges we were working on regarding some of her real estate in Salt Lake City.  For as long as I’ve known her she’s been very successful at buying and selling real estate.  But, the downturn we’ve been going through for the past five years has caused her to be challenged in many ways.

Jolie is not alone.  I’ve been working with lots of people over the past few years that are in the same position.  It’s a new experience for such successful people to be facing circumstances they believe to be potentially leading them to what they view as failure.  As my conversation with Jolie continued it became clear that she was feeling alone.

I understand that feeling all too well.  So at that point, rather than being her real estate expert, I knew it was time to be her friend.  I told her that I understood her challenges because I’ve faced them personally and that I’ve worked with hundreds of people who have been through what she’s going through; and, who are currently going through what she is.

I could hear her listening as well as sniffling.  Then she drew in a big breath and said, “It makes me feel better knowing that I’m not the only one.”

When I heard her say that, I was glad I listened to my little internal voice!  And then, just as that gladness was waning that same little voice sounded as a strong encouraging voice saying, it’s always important to let the people who are important to you know that you have the same human worries and challenges they do.  Doing so will always deepen your relationship and bring more meaning to your life as well as to the life of your friend.

Showing compassion to others is sometimes over looked in life these days.  If you will incorporate it into your life, you’ll soon see that it doesn’t make you smaller in the eyes of others.  It will anchor your relationships in a way that can happen in no other way.