“They gave me a box of pantyhose.” – Donna Sansbury

From Ashes

“They gave me a box of pantyhose.”  Donna Sansbury said.  “I could only drive five miles at a time, then I’d have to stop to remove the panty hose, from covering the air filter in my car, and replace it with one from the box, before I could drive forward.”

Donna’s father was ill when Mount St. Helens erupted.  She was living in the Tri-Cities, Washington then.  Her mother, grandmother and father were living deeper in the ash cloud than she was, so she went to bring them out to where their health would be less compromised.

“When I got there my mother and grandmother would not leave.  They were afraid of leaving their home under the ash.”  Donna continued.

She explained.  Volcano ash isn’t like smoke.  It is more like gravel raining from the sky.  It’s heavy.  That meant that her mother needed to climb up on the roof of their home and other outbuildings to shovel the ash off or the buildings may have collapsed under the weight.  It was a time of emergency, trial and darkness.

“It was a dark time.  In fact, the ash cloud made the daytime as dark as midnight!” Donna expanded.

And, that falling ash wasn’t the only trail the people of the region had been facing.  The Tri-Cities area was known for growing some of the best apples in the world.  Yet, over the few years prior to the eruption apple quality had waned.

“The soil had become too saline.  So much so that it began to negatively affect plant growth, resulting in reduced crop yield and even plant death under the severe conditions.”  Donna explained.  “The ground around the apple trees was cracked and a white salt border surrounded each crack.  Even the once lush grass in our yards turned brown and died!”

Then her eyes brightened as she explained what wonderous things happened after the ash had fallen.

“The ash delivered new alkalinity to the soil.  It counteracted the saline conditions and soon the apples were beautiful and flavorful again!  Our lawns were suddenly lush once more.  And, a new industry was born; pottery from volcano ash.  Increased quality of life arose from the ashes of disaster!” Donna brightly revealed.

She knows quite a bit more about struggling with adversity as well.  She’s fought cancer on at least two occasions.  And, during each battle she’s focused on the good she knows will, with certainty, arise from facing and overcoming tragedy.

“Difficulty creates great character and exceptional people!”  Donna reminds everyone who is struggling through personal challenge.  “It’s the ash that acts as unexpected nourishment!”

“They gave me a box of pantyhose to counter falling ash.”  Donna Sansbury said.  “I could only drive five miles at a time, then I’d have to stop to remove the panty hose, from covering the air filter in my car, and replace it with one from the box before I could drive forward. Ash-filled pantyhose is heavy!”

Knowing that ash-filled-times are a forerunner of more than just a bleak and heavy burden can help you and me during dark times, as we struggle forward.  After all, Donna has been through volcanic ash clouds and cancer to become a model of how facing and subjugating darkness can pave the way for enhanced living.

It’s the ash in life that acts as unexpected nourishment for creating hope as well as a path to become a great people.

Colors

The Sprain Brook Parkway Fall Colors

Colors

Bright colors.  Red, gold, yellow and still some green were like eye candy in every direction.  There were even punctuations of water, crossed by artfully designed bridges.  They seemed to act as picture frames for the bright, orange sunset just to the west, while driving south on the Sprain Brook Parkway toward New York City.  It was all the perfect color pallet to validate the end of one day’s event and the beginning of new relationships.

The colorful display confirmed the feeling that the different colors radiating from a variety of trees create much more pleasure for the eye than summer’s more monotone greenery.  Just as the coming together of two different families had done during the day’s earlier wedding which was enveloped by nature’s colorful display.  Both the wedding and nature were a varied display of differences and similarities.

The differences between the two families seemed to be as vast as the surrounding forest at first.  The languages were different, the national origins were not the same and the cultures disparate.  Other observers, passing by on their Saturday outings, out to enjoy nature’s magnificent colors, may have been as fascinated by the two differing groups of wedding revelers, gathered under a large pavilion in Franklin D. Roosevelt State Park, as they were by the glowing leaves they’d come to experience.  If that was the case, it would have been the result of the brevity of their observation.  After all, reaching the apex of colorful foliage takes time; patience and seasonal progression.  Such was the human dynamic during this late October wedding and celebration.

As the bride and groom stood next to a flower-laced arbor, headed by an officiator, there was a dynamic separation.  The groom’s guests stood on one side and the bride’s guests stood on the other.  Both sets of eyes expressed uncertainty.

It was a natural insecurity of the unknown. A recognition of dissimilarity.  Even with the obvious certainty of purpose and similarities of all attending the event.  Both of which were clarified upon the conclusion of both spoken and emotional vows composed by the man and woman newly wed.  It was a truly a new beginning.  The beginning of the melding of people as part of a greater kaleidoscope so fittingly expressed by the beauty of differing fall colors, welcoming all into the perfect Thanksgiving-portrait-like view-scape surrounding them.

The desire to capture the moment, to become joined with it, began in earnest with an explosion of applause and joyous verbal expression.  The photographer then activated further work of inclusion as attendees were formed into fresh, assimilated groups, posing as one for the very first time.  Then, they all enjoyed food and drink in unison.  They even danced around the youth of the moment, which was commenced by an uninhibited five-year-old boy who took it upon himself to boost the music’s volume, to match the vivid color, and dance with abandon.  

Soon, people who didn’t share the same first language or culture began to imitate the boy’s imaginative and unrehearsed dance moves. It all produced bright smiles on every face.  It was a combination that led to warm embraces, a universal gesture of love, of as a sign of complete unification; the completion of a new, broader and more colorful portrait of thanksgiving.

The most beautiful thanksgiving pictures integrate the use of differing color. Bright colors.  Reds, golds, yellows and still some greens to provide variety for the eye.  They even contain punctuations of water, crossed by artfully designed bridges which act as picture frames for bright, orange sunsets posing in the western sky.  Perfect, varied pallets validate the end of one season as well as the beginning of new relationships between different peoples becoming one through offered love, understanding and of course, enhanced color.

When Numbers Don't Add

“I have thought and thought about my own actions!” – Dawn Howe

When Numbers Don’t Add

“I have thought and thought about my own actions!”  Dawn Howe said while relating the pieces of a long drawn out story of consternation.

She didn’t know it at the time, but the beginning of this story began at her small Southern Utah, local airport when a private aircraft landed.  Dawn and others, who were meeting at the airport, watched the unknown plane taxi from the runway and park just outside the small terminal.  A few moments after the engine wound down a hatch on the side of the plane opened and the pilot climbed down the stairs.  It was someone she didn’t know, yet would have a huge impact on the long-standing personal relationships in her life.

“This guy talked big from the moment he walked off that plane!”  Dawn explained as she began to review her process of basic addition.

Dawn’s process of addition is simple math that everyone of us can use when faced with complex issues in dealing with others.  Dawn says she developed this approach because she “needed a way to reduce confusion” when interacting with others.  You see, the pilot of that airplane began a cascading process of dividing lifelong friends as soon as he came to town.

“He began to tell us all different stories!  We were trying to help him as much as possible because we wanted to believe he was a good person.  It wasn’t until my friends and I got together to compare notes that we began to discover discrepancies.”  Dawn said as she described the man’s use of long division.  “As my friends and I compared our experiences it became clear he was using the mathematical principle of long division to separate us!  That’s how I thought of using principles based on mathematical proofing to solve my own clarity issues.”

Dawn honed her own proofing process by using similar mathematical proofing theory to reach logical conclusions and calm her emotional turmoil.  Here’s how she describes her method of “proofing.”

First, I mentally reviewed every person in detail and said, “What’s their track record with me?  As soon as I had gone through this process I had a clear picture of everyone.  It was like taking a stack of personal head shots and laying them on the table next to each other.  That was like seeing the answer before even completing the math!”  Dawn said.

“Next, I asked myself, who have I known the longest?  I relied on my personal experience with more than one person, variable, in the equation and weighted each variable accordingly.  I sort of labeled everyone involved and identified them by the length of my interaction experience with them.”

Finally.  She asked, “What has been my experience in working with each person?  Then, I added up all the pieces and found only one variable that wasn’t compatible with all others.  That one variable didn’t add up!”  Dawn expressed with a clear sense of relief reverberating from her tone.

Her relief in finding a comforting solution is something each one of us can related to.  We’ve all faced complex personal relationship issues in life similar to the one Dawn has been going through.  

“It’s amazing how confusing life can become when we’re interfacing with others who aren’t acting with honor.  I like to operate on a basis of trust.  That approach has worked for me very well, until it didn’t!  Now I have one more tool that allows me to clear my head and see if things are adding up!”

“I have thought and thought about my own actions!”  Dawn Howe said while relating the pieces of a long drawn out story of consternation.  “I also found that I could add my own actions to the actions of others, based on historical evidence, to give myself a mathematical proof for mental and emotional clarity!”

What that means is, when you’re facing numbers that don’t add because someone, or something new flies into your life, go back to the arithmetic you learned as a child.  You remember it well.  Two plus two equals four!  

Even when others try to fly other numbers around in an effort to convince you it doesn’t.  Two plus two still equals four.

Lola's Love

Lola, who always gave love.

Lola’s Love

It all started on December 12, 2009.  For most, this date has no significance.  But, it is the date of creation; the genesis of “Lola’s Love.”  It wasn’t Lola’s wedding date.  It wasn’t even the date of her birth.

She was born not long before this date and was given as a gift of love, just a few weeks after her birth.  She was received as a gift yet always gave innumerable gifts. 

Upon receiving her, Kilee Johnson immediately gave her the loving pet-name, “Little Fluffer” almost as soon as she saw Lola’s silvery, speckled with white, curly fur covered body.  It was love at first sight for both Kilee and Lola.

Sometimes, love at first sight is a fleeting emotion.  But, Lola would not allow such a thing to occur in her world.  She seemed to instinctively know exactly how to create a special, deepening kind of love.  And, she did it in many ways.

Lola always joyously greeted everyone who came her way.  She developed her own voice to do so.  Garrison Johnson loved the way she spoke directly from her heart to her loved ones.  So, Lola quickly received another nickname of love, “RooRoo” because of her style of verbalizing a greeting.

Lola was welcoming in other ways too.  When Landon was born into the Johnson clan, Lola welcomed him, and his brother Asher, into her inner circle and became their protector immediately.  She always had an expanding kind of love that knew no limits.  That was true for every addition into her life.  She was always inclusive.

She included love no matter the specific circumstance.  When an occasion was joyous she would “roo” and dance with excitement.  When sadness struck, as it always seems to occasionally do, she would simply snuggle and caress her hurting person.  She’d do this for minutes, hours or days, as needed.  What mattered most to her was just being there!

Lola always wanted to be there, with those she loved, no matter what.  As the years began to take their toll on her small body she walked a little slower and couldn’t jump quite as high.  There were times when the pain from her arthritis would cause a weary look to shadow her face.  Yet, it didn’t stop her from continuing to give Lola Love.

Even in pain she was still excited to climb, with help, into the family car every morning and afternoon.  It isn’t that she loved to ride in the car.  She loved going with Landon and Asher to and from school.  So much so that she’d be heartbroken if she didn’t get to go.

Then, one day Lola just couldn’t muster the strength to go anywhere at all.  Age had finally caught up to her.  And, the love that was solemnized on December 12, 2009 and had kept her going strong until just last week.  Now we all miss her.  But, we’ll remember her and the things she taught us about love, Lola’s special kind of love.  

After all, she taught us how to deepen our love for others by joyously greeting everyone, loving even under difficult personal circumstances, to be there just to snuggle when needed, to have an expanding love that knows no limit and take time every day to enjoy the small things in life, like going to and from school with those you love.

If we would love as Lola did it, it would be a more glorious world indeed!

Never Doubt

“Never doubt why things happen to you.” – Greg Blackbourn

Never Doubt

“Never doubt why things happen to you. There is always a positive. ALWAYS.” Greg Blackbourn said as he recounted a recent personal experience as a way of illustrating his unwavering belief. 

His day was filled with reasons to doubt. He had a client who came late to his appointment.  As a result, Greg was late arriving at his next appointment, in the center of the city. That caused this client to reschedule, as they didn’t have enough time to complete their business by the time Greg arrived.  It was a disheartening day!  And, that was about to change.

“I was downtown and driving and saw Taco Time and was going to go through the drive thru to get some food.”  He said. “There were at least 10 cars in the drive-up lane, so instead of joining the packed line I decided to just park and go inside.” 

Once standing in the line to order, two people just cut in front of him as if he wasn't there.  At first, he was going to say something to those place-hoppers, but then just thought, “it's not that huge of a deal.”  He knew he was going to get his food soon enough.

And, he did. This was his chance to take a deep breath and receive some refreshment toward the end of a long, disappointing day.  It was this moment of anticipated relaxation when everything changed.

“There was a guy in a Utah Shirt (Utes) at the table next to me.  All of a sudden a man in a motorized wheelchair, that has some severe mental and physical disability, came in between our tables. He started to hit us both in a panic.”

Other people looked at what was happening and ignored the whole thing. They looked the other way and acted as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.  Greg continued his account.

“The Ute Fan and I both realized, at the same time, he wasn't attacking us. He was choking and couldn't breathe!”

Without a word between them in, unison, seemingly synchronized movement, both Greg and the other diner jumped up and put the breathless person into position to receive the Heimlich Maneuver, hoping it would save the choking man’s life. 

Pop! The blockage in his airway was dislodged and within seconds, the panic was over!

“He couldn't communicate well, but the words thank you came out clearly to us.”  Greg said.  “I asked if he was O.K. and he nodded.

The man’s other rescuer followed with, "I'm so sorry you had to experience that and I am glad you came to us!" 

With that, the man in the wheelchair smiled and drove away, leaving his two champions grinning at each other. Mountains of information was exchanged through that smile before Greg’s new friend said with hesitancy, "I have to leave. Can you?"

And, before he could finish Greg said "I got this and will wait until he is done eating before I leave." 

So, Greg sat there for another ten minutes, just to make sure their new chum could finish his meal safely.  

Greg could have been harboring an enduring resentment over his first client of the afternoon being late. He could have held onto anger about driving all the way from Sandy to downtown, through heavy traffic, only to have his next appointment reschedule. He could have been impatient and drove off, in anger, before making the seemingly insignificant decision to walk inside a restaurant to eat some dinner.  He could have shown hostility toward the people who cut in line ahead to him. But, had he done any of those things he wouldn't have been able to help a total stranger.

“I'm telling you this because sometimes I am guilty of letting little things get to me and letting them change the course of my day and mood too often. But, on this one, life changing day, I chose to not let little things get to me. And it impacted me for the best!  Greg reflected.

Greg always encourages everyone to become “their most genuine, best self.”  Yet, all of his coaxing cannot rival the same, more impactful message conveyed through his example. 

“We have become so busy in our world that we ignore our surroundings and are looking for instant gratification too often.”  Greg says.  “We find ways to attack other people that don't see the world the way we do. Everything is polarized when we have these blinders on. Thankfully, one Ute Fan slowed down with me on this day, so we could share the unspeakable joy of saving someone's life together.”

Greg’s finished his account with, “Find reasons to not let others take away from your happiness and be more present. It can save a life. Never doubt why things happen to you. There is always a positive. ALWAYS.”

Never doubt it.

The Back 40 Loop

“Great stuff. Lots of fun and flow.” – Patrick Jones

The Back 40 Loop

He looked sincere and excited as he said, “I live here because of the trails.  I love to ride my bike on the ‘Back 40.’”

The Back 40 isn’t simply a world-class mountain bike riding trail; it’s a testament to both sport and life. These 40 miles will make you feel like you’re in the middle of nowhere, but are rideable.  And, the trail has some image evoking section names, such as Slaughter Pen and Blowing Springs. He said with a slightly turned-up smirk, as he continued his description.

There are easier trails to follow for sure.  There are some harder ones as well.  He interprets The Back 40 Loop as intermediate.  And, it’s so easy to feel his excitement as he talks about the trail’s attributes, such as the trail’s wooden outcroppings which are seemingly, miraculously gripping the sides of shear rock cliffs.  He also loves riding in the overhanging shade of those same cliffs.

In a quip, Patrick Jones called this trail, “Great stuff.  Lots of fun and flow. But, the razor-sharp rocks proved formidable foes to our sidewalls.”

That one phrase, formidable foes, seemingly triggered a shift in his position and he effortlessly transitioned from talking exclusively about his bicycling adventures to how riding trails actually “saved his life.” 

“Mountain biking has taught me some important things.  Things about the power of exercise, the importance of distraction through recreation and most importantly about how to break free of painful Back-40-Loops in life.  Because, sometimes it can feel as if a difficult or dark cycle in life is inescapable.  So, here are my four painful-loop-breaking tips.”  Patrick said.

First, focus. Be fully absorbed within your present moment.  “I’ve found this to be especially important when riding through very difficult or technically challenging sections of a trail.  Not giving such a trail my full attention will almost always result in a crash!  In these situations, there can be no room in my mind for thinking back, re-living the past, or about what may be ahead on the trail.”  

Patrick also says that when he learned this, he discovered its unique ability to increase his joy.  “It gave me the emotional room necessary to increase inner joy, by allowing me to savor what I call, moment-by-moment accomplishment!” 

Second, choose joy as much as possible. “Interestingly, I learned that the most challenging trails, those that hold my attention fully, give me the greatest sense of accomplishment!”  There is something about being fully absorbed, tuned-in, to one particular moment or challenge that gives a person a greater sense of fulfillment.  “Sure, navigating difficult terrain, is well, difficult!  But I think humans are hard-wired to work and overcome.  That’s why we purposefully do things that challenge us. Allow yourself to claim joy by working toward triumph.”

Third, be actively grateful.  “I use the term actively grateful because for some reason, sometimes people seem to think that gratitude is something that just happens. It just kind of magically happens.  I guess that can be the case, but when I finish a ride my sense of gratitude is heightened by spending a well-deserved time of rest, relaxation and reflection.”  

Patrick says this is especially true when he takes the time to sit with friends, share a cold drink, and become a storyteller about how close he came to certain death while riding the trail. “That’s when it hits me most!” He says, “I think to myself right then, ‘wow!’ I can’t believe I just did that!  Then, I let a warm rush of accomplishment, a feeling of ‘I’m just grateful to still be alive’ fill my soul.”

Fourth, surround yourself with support from people who understand.  “Some people can ride alone forever and be happy.  People with that proclivity tell me that riding is what they love.  I get that, but when I share the ride, the experience, with others who ‘get it’ my joy goes to a whole new level!”  He also says that when he reaches a spot on the trail with an amazing view and he’s all alone, he wishes he could share it with someone.  But, that’s only part of his story.

Patrick also says there are plenty of times when he needs to discuss how to make it through trail obstacles with someone.  Someone who understands and has been there before.  Even if he can’t find someone who’s been on that particular trail before, discussing it with someone who’s experienced a similar situation, and conquered it, can make all the difference!  Shared pain is often more manageable pain.  And, an outsider’s perspective can often guide someone else toward finding purpose in what they’re experiencing.

He looked sincere and excited as he said, “The Back 40 isn’t simply a world-class mountain bike riding trail, it’s taught me how to break free of painful Back-40-Loops in life as well!”

Sometimes, Tomorrow Never Comes

The unexpected departure of a friend.

Sometimes, Tomorrow Never Comes

He’s no longer answering messages; text, email or voice.  It is a sudden and profound silence.

Just a few weeks ago we had lunch together at Table Mesa.  Matt was in picture perfect health then.  We talked about stuff; business, family, hopes, dreams and plans.  Matt Isabell, founder of Tugg Logistics and Moab Companies excitedly expressed his big plans.  Shortly thereafter, we were working together to live his dreams by expanding his businesses to Pennsylvania and Utah, so he could take on new clients and enter new markets.  Then, just as we were reviewing the final draft of the lease, for his proposed facility in Pennsylvania, and beginning negotiations on another building in Utah, he became uncharacteristically uncommunicative.

That’s when I knew something had taken a dramatic turn.  I just didn’t know what that turn was, so I contacted others we were working with in this bold effort.  One of Matt’s sons, Joseph, spoke to me with an assurance that everything was still on track.  His father had entered the hospital for treatment of symptoms related to COVID-19.  He also expressed his confidence that his father would soon be well.  Then, we’d continue forward with our plans for tomorrow.

By the beginning of the next week, it had become clear that the timeline we’d forecast, to usher in the hoped-for-tomorrow, was not fitting into the current reality we were facing. Then, our hoped for, one week expanded into two, three, four, five, and six.  Matt wasn’t making progress in this amount of time, where he was being treated, so the decision was made to transport him to a larger, specialty hospital in Kansas City.  The transfer was to be completed on yet another tomorrow, the next day.

When that other morrow came his attending physicians determined that he was not strong enough to make the trip.  And, upon the next morrow, Matt was transported to another realm, to live with those of us to admired him, no more.  

Yet, Matt has given all of us more gift.  He’s shown us that even though a person goes through a lot in their life, had a lot of things thrown their way, they, everyone, can seek to find the good, while keeping their stuff; business, family, hopes, dreams and plans moving dynamically forward. We can all focus, as he did, on inspiring other people through our love and kindness.

Matt Rascon once wrote, “When you’ve been in rough water, you know and appreciate the calm.”

So today, I’m appreciating the gifts that Matt personally gave the world in his short time living here with us.  He was happy to share his goodness, knowledge and commitment to creating a brighter future for everyone. And he’s still doing so, even now, when he’s no longer answering messages; text, email or voice.  Remembering him and seeing what he created here tempers what otherwise would be a much more disturbing, profound silence.

Just a few weeks ago Matt and I had lunch together at Table Mesa.  Matt was in picture perfect health.  We talked about tomorrow and stuff.  Today, you and I are reminded that sometimes, tomorrow never comes.

Do the Pupper

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” – George Addair

Do the Pupper

The grass had been bathed in strong rain overnight and the walking path was glistening at the introduction of the rising sun.  Harry Pupper stepped off the trail as soon as he heard the put, put, put of a gas-powered work-cart coming up behind him.  Then, the sound of the cart suddenly stopped.  It had stalled toward the bottom of the hill “The Pupper” had already begun to climb.

The put-put driver looked up and shrugged his shoulders, as if to say, “I have no idea why this thing simply decided to stop!”  Then, he looked down and turned the ignition key.  The engine sputtered.  He turned the key again.  The engine sputtered again and then began to hum.  The driver and his companion restarted their climb up the hill, giggling a little as a result of their needless-embarrassment.  Of course, being a dog, Harry’s tongue lolled out of the side of his mouth, as if was laughing along with them.  And, as soon as the cart puttered past, he shifted his stance toward the upside of the trail and resumed his climb as well.

Just like Harry Pupper, everyone will encounter darkened, windswept days, filled with rain at one time or another in life. And, even when the rain stops, personal progress can sometimes seem to stall, for no apparent reason, when faced with the sudden appearance of an unwanted, challenging hill of resistance.  When that happens, when all of your energy and confidence are destroyed, remember these words from George Addair:

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.”

Yes, the grass under your feet may have been pummeled by strong rain overnight and your path forward is still glistening-wet at the introduction of a new-day’s sun.  You may feel as if you’ve stepped off your trail, feeling so weak that it’s as if you could be run over by a small put-put, gas-powered cart coming up behind you. It will be a time when you believe all of your momentum has stopped; all stalled near the bottom of a small hill you’ve unconsciously turned into Mount Everest!

When that happens, do the Pupper!  Shrug your shoulders, as if to say, “I have no idea why my progress has come to a screeching halt!”  Then, turn your internal ignition key!  Let your engine sputter once or twice.  When it does, turn your key again.  If you will, your engine may sputter once more, but action will cause it to soon begin to hum.  That faint humming will give you the confidence to begin your climb up that seemingly insurmountable, high mountain of your own creation.  Each step forward will get easier and you’ll soon be giggling as you recognize your needless-fear!  

Yes!  Do the Pupper!  Let your tongue lolled out of the side of your mouth! Laugh at yourself for your internal doubt, because the view from the top of your now conquered hill will allow you to feel like a conquering hero! 

A couple of hill-side stalls are common to all and will never stop your ultimate success.

Lunding Forward

“My personal search for meaning lasted an agonizing 3-4 years!” – Tom Lund

Lunding Forward

“I had to apologize to my wife!”  Tom said with emotion in his voice.

This showing of emotion was a new version of Tom.  He’s always been a consummate professional, specializing in sales.  Not a pushy, obnoxious man in his work and professional life. He’s always been polished and studied in his craft.  Perhaps the best way to describe him is knowledgeable, confident and successful.  But, this new Tom?

The current Tom is all of those things, polished, confident, successful and, softer.  Don’t take that to mean he’s weaker in any way.  He’s clearly stronger.  His new strength comes from the completion of a personal journey, having successfully completing a personal search for meaning; a process of questioning his core, his history, his very personal meaning.

“I had to apologize to my wife!” Then he continued.  “I told her I was sorry for putting her through my difficult behavior for the past two years.”

“Two years!  Hardly!”  Gretchen replied.  “It’s been more like three-and-a-half to four years!” 

The welled-up emotion of Tom’s search burst as he recounted his story and the pain he and his wife had lived through together.  It is a recognizable pain for many of us.  After all, who hasn’t gone through something very similar, either personally or with a loved one?  Hopefully, in almost all instances there comes a time when something “clicks” one day and personal, private darkness ends.  Such a breakthrough is sometimes called an opportunity to lunge forward into life’s possibilities again.

Luckily, such a breakthrough occurred for Tom.  And, in retrospect, he’s identified three realizations that he credits with his “Lund Forward” allowing him to live joyfully and hopefully once again.

First.  Tom says, “I did so much internal evaluation that I discovered who I truly am.  While that part of my process was important, it may not have been the most important aspect of my growth.  I think the key, turning the lock within my own heart, was that I finally became comfortable with who I really am!”  He went on to explain that this was vital because it allows him to also give others the same latitude.  Tom says, “This latitude is a sort of freedom allowing me to finally be able to grant individualism to everyone else too!”

Second.  “I have a new understanding that the world is different for everyone.  I call it the ‘Rule of Billions.’”  Tom has been able to simplify this critical perception in another way too.  “Think of it in this way, if a group of people belong to an organization and there are about thirteen members, there will be thirteen sets of eyes, all viewing the same group in thirteen different ways.  And, that’s ok!”  It’s alright to have a different personal reference point, even in situations where the entire group is supposedly bound together in a common belief or effort.  Being comfortable with the Rule of Billions allows a person to naturally become comfortable within the group and within their own heart at the same time.  That leads to Tom’s third rule or realization.

Third, the Rule of History.  Tom says, “Perhaps the Rule of History is more like an understanding of history.  Once I understood that history books and even ancient texts were a record of human mistakes I became much more comfortable with my own mistakes and conversely, with the mistakes of others.  I stopped worrying about being perfect and living a life of perfection!  Now I’m free to simply work to become the best I can be in all areas of my life without apology.”

“I had to apologize to my wife!”  Tom said with emotion in his voice.  “I also had to apologize to myself, so I let go of the fallacious assumptions I’d made about my relationship with the past, my background and other people.

This was the premier of a new, stronger version of Tom.  He’s always been a consummate professional, specializing in sales.  Not a pushy, obnoxious man in his work and professional life. He’s always been polished and has successfully studied his craft.  Perhaps the best way to describe him is knowledgeable, confident and successful.  But, this new Tom?

This new Tom has given you and me three realizations around important life rules that can allow everyone to Lund Forward.

Rooted Trust

“That’s easy!  She’s a blessing!” – Todd Feld

Rooted Trust

“When these new documents came out, I knew I had to call you!  I wanted your opinion.”  Todd said.

He went on to say that he made the call because of complete trust.  Yet, there is one, much more important, universally rooted trust exhibited by Todd Feld.  And this conversation was the perfect opportunity to discover the deepest kind of trust.

An outsider’s view of Todd’s family life could lead one to conclude the opposite of what the truth is.  You see, Todd has successfully raised a mentally challenged daughter and her siblings.  Someone who hasn’t spoken with him about this would easily assume that Todd and his wife are the ones who have undergone the most difficult, been through the most, challenges throughout this child rearing process. Yet, a conversation with Todd, asking the direct question, “Will you tell me what you’ve learned as a direct result of this experience?” resulted in this definitive response from him:

“She’s a real blessing!”

Perhaps the ability to live life fully rooted in trust is the real blessing?

Does life continuously present fitting lessons, individually tailored toward optimal personal growth?  Are such individualized, perfect lessons, offered freely as a demonstration of faith?  A faith rooted in a universal conviction that every person has the ability to succeed?  Todd’s life experience answers these questions with a certain, yes.

No one knows what their fitted lessons are going to be.  Todd didn’t understand the lessons he would face when he and his wife began their family.  They learned, from each child, as they were born.  They learned, with each child, as they progressed together.  Fitted lessons are a process of gaining incremental trust.

Incremental trust is progressive in nature. It is gained step-by-step.  It is gained, age-by-age, experience-by-experience.  Most often, such growth is not recognizable until a time of reflection allows us to see it, as if looking in a mirror which exposes our forever changed image in the form of a ripened face.  This moment could be called, time counting our blessings; the time when we are more able to accurately see conquered obstacles for what they really are.  Realization of universally rooted trust.

“When these new documents came out, I knew I had to call you!  I wanted your opinion.  Because I know I can trust you.”  Todd said.

He went on to say that he made the call because of complete trust.  Yet, there is one, much more important, universally rooted trust exhibited by Todd Feld.  And a conversation with Todd Feld was the perfect opportunity to discover the deepest kind of trust, universally rooted trust.  A trust that life has and will continuously present fitted lessons, individually tailored toward our own optimal personal growth.

An Improved Hunt for Joy

“He said, ‘We need just need two more ducks to reach our limit.’” – Boyd Billingsley

An Improved Hunt for Joy

“I was duck hunting with my son-in-law.  We’d been sitting in the blind for at least a couple of hours when he turned to me, toward late morning, and said, ‘We need just need two more ducks to reach our limit.’ I responded with, okay, that’s good.”

Then, the two men sat for a few more moments in a silence that spread over a minute or so. Soon it became clear that there was something else on the mind of Boyd’s companion.

Said he, “Boyd, we’ve been here all morning and you haven’t even picked up your gun!”

Boyd responded with, “Oh! I hadn’t noticed!”

Perhaps the two were on the adventure with different purposes?  Boyd’s son-in-law was there to hunt.  Boyd was there to savor the golden view.

Boyd says, “I don’t think I ever understood what people meant by the phrase, ‘The Golden Years,’ until now.”

The experiences of life have naturally allowed Boyd to develop improved sight while in his golden years. Here’s how he described his purposed, glitter-viewing duck hunting adventure with his son-in-law:

“When my son-in-law said I that hadn’t picked up my gun the whole time we’d been in the duck blind, it struck me that it hadn’t even dawned on me to do so!  I was there to enjoy the beauty of the place as well as be him. The duck hunting was really just an opportunity for me to show love for him and relish in gratitude for the surrounding beauty of the place.”

Boyd’s place in life is now well past the middle of his seventieth decade. There was a time when he couldn’t imagine an end to his living.  And, while he’s always enjoyed people, a sense of community and his surroundings, his acquisition of an improved, golden view has enhanced his living in virtually every moment of every day.

“Having a golden view means allowing myself to pay attention to the important people in my life and genuinely enjoying every precious moment!”  Boyd clarifies to anyone who asks exactly what living with a golden view means.

“I enjoyed everything when I was younger. But, not enough!”  Boyd said with a twinkle in his eye, right before saying, “I was duck hunting with my son-in-law.  We’d been sitting in the blind for at least a couple of hours when he turned to me, toward late morning, and said, ‘We need just need two more ducks to reach our limit.’  I responded with, okay, that’s good.”

That was good indeed.  But, living with a golden-view-perspective; that everyone can enjoy an improved hunt for joy in life by remembering that there will come a time when each person will reach their own personal limit, is what will make life glitter. That’s when every precious moment of living will be genuinely enhanced with joy.

She Knows

“I shared the two most important things my father taught me with my friend.”

She Knows

“He said he wished he’d paid much more attention to the lessons my father had taught to our youth group when we were younger.”  She said.

She paused, as if for emphasis.

“I then told him what the two most important things I learned from my father were.”

As circumstances, age, experience and conditions change in our lives, the things we’ve learned from our fathers seem to be refreshed and come into active memory, just in time.  Different lessons, once offered at another time and place, seem to dance into and then speak to our hearts and minds, becoming essential for our current moments.  So, the two most important things she said she learned from her father may have risen to the top of her heart, just because of the health, professional and economic events we’ve all experienced over the past eighteen, or so months.

“The first thing my father taught me is that innovation is the result of trouble or struggle.  The second is that there is always opportunity, even in the worst of times. Look for it and it will appear!”  She explained to her friend who had been experiencing both personal and professional challenges for an extended period.

She’s found that such fatherly-teaching not only has the capacity to help the hearts and minds of its intended recipients, it can additionally be extended to the benefit of multiple generations and unknown future connections.

“He really needs a father right now!”  She continued, by talking about how she has shared the benefits of her own received fatherly-teaching with her friend.  “So, I thought it would be good to share mine!”

She knows that being a father is much more than a simple biological relationship.  It isn’t even necessarily tied to legal adoption.  It’s much more about accepting the responsibility of acting as a father to others.  That means gathering up a life-time of experience and love and then transferring it to anyone who will accept it.

“After talking with my friend, I asked my dad if he would mind becoming a father to my friend as well.  Of course, he said, ‘yes!’  In fact, my dad made a quick call to my friend immediately after we talked.  Now my friend feels his warm fatherly-embrace too.  Perhaps I can best describe it as enjoying a big teddy bear hug all the time.”

She’s learned that being a father means offering security to others, even if he, her father, doesn’t feel all too secure himself at the time.

“You said you’d always have a place for me!”  She once said in despair to her dad when he told her he was selling her childhood home.  

“He replied, ‘I do have a place for you.  It’s just a different place!’  When he said that, I was reassured that he’d still be there for me.  Even when the “there” was different.  I just needed to hear and feel the confirmation from him.”

Such validation returned to her heart as she talked with a friend in need. “He said he wished he’d paid more attention to the lessons my father had taught to our youth group when we were younger.”

She paused, as if for emphasis.

“I then told him what the two most important things I learned from my father were, so he’d have increased confidence!”

She knows!  She knows that true fatherhood should be a gift that keeps on giving to everyone.

Piloting with Compassion

A compassionate airline pilot.

Piloting with Compassion

“What’s the worst thing that can happen?”  A little girl asked her mother while waiting to board their flight.

Her mother was sitting in her chair sideways.  Her left arm was curled along the top of the chair, so it could cushion her drooping head.

“I don’t feel well.”  Her mother replied.  “I don’t know that I am well enough to fly.”

Upon hearing her mother’s pained words, the little girl redirected her question to her grandmother.  “What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

“There’s nothing to worry about.” The girl’s grandmother responded gently.  “It’s a lot safer to fly than to ride in a car.  We’ll have such fun in Montana!”

“We’re going to begin boarding by row.” The gate agent announced just seconds later.

“I don’t think I’m going to be able to go.”  The small girl’s mother said immediately after hearing the general announcement.  “I think I’m going to vomit!”

Shortly thereafter, the grandmother, grandfather and the worried girl began to gather their carry-on bags because their seat range had been announced.  The fearful mother stirred, picked up here bag and walked across the hall to vacant seats at another gate.  “I can’t get on that plane!” She said as her daughter followed, floating in the wake of her mother’s fear.

After hugging their two loved-ones goodbye, the hesitant grandparents boarded the plane, while the distraught pair still sat across the hall.

“This is the final boarding call.  If you have a ticket you must board now, before the door shuts.”  The gate agent announced, looking directly at the woman and her daughter, just before a pilot appeared at that same, almost closing jet bridge door.

The pilot had the grandmother at his side.  When he walked through the door, she was directed to wait just inside, because she had already boarded.  He walked directly to the girl and her mother across the way, where he stopped and began to converse in kindly tones.

“We’d love to have you join us on the plane.”  He implored.  “I don’t want you to miss your celebration in Montana.  I promise I’ll be able to get you there safely.  Come with me and I’ll show you the cockpit.”

They talked for a few minutes more.  He coaxed and empathized with patience, until he helped them gather their belongings and escorted them onto the plane.  Once on the plane, he showed them the cockpit and gave the young girl her own set of pin-on wings.  All before making sure they were sitting comfortably in their assigned seats.

“What’s the worst thing that can happen?”  The little girl had asked her mother while waiting to board their flight before getting on the plane.

Her mother was now sitting in the aircraft with her seatbelt snugly fastened.  Her arms were comfortably draped comfortably at her side and a smile had replaced her once darkened, fear filled face. 

“He’s such a wonderful man.”  The woman said to her daughter as they smiled at each other.  “I would never have been well enough to fly without his help!”

Upon hearing the comfort in her mother’s voice, the little girl redirected her gaze toward the just closing cockpit door to her before she said, “The best thing that could have happened just happened!”

Piloting others with compassion always makes it possible to transport another person’s life to an otherwise impossible destination.

Great and Terrible

“You live as if you were destined to live forever, no thought of your frailty ever enters your head, of how much time has already gone by you take no heed.  You squander time as if you drew from a full and abundant supply, though all the while that day which you bestow on some person or thing is perhaps your last.” - Lucius Annaeus Seneca.

Great and Terrible

“I’m in Oregon.”  Kyle said.  “We’re here visiting our son and grandbaby.”

Suddenly, making the phone call felt like a violation, as if using this time was steeling; something that could never be replaced.  Perhaps this feeling came in combination with the revelation Kyle had already granted; a sure knowledge of the transient nature of individual time.  His presence in America’s Northwest, if nothing else, proved his deep-rooted acceptance of this truth.  It also revealed three important branches of that deeply rooted understanding.  He was in Oregon on this day because he has been completely and thoroughly changed.  A singular change that occurred upon discovering and then grasping his “what, why and who.”

“What” means at least two different, yet directly connected things to Kyle.  His first “what” was announced through small tremors.  Who knew that small, almost imperceptible quivers, could be both great and terrible?  Could one have guessed that minor and almost undetectable trembling could bring about mighty change?  Yet, magnificent transformation has come to Kyle as a result of his ability to catalyze his first “what” with an essential second.  A purpose.

“I know that I can be healed.”  Kyle said, as he explained, with exactness, his plan to fulfill his purpose; to become healthy, be healed, to live life in its greatest possibility.  He understands every detail of his purpose, the process he’s pursuing to reach this all-consuming goal, right down to a vivid portrayal of his deepest feelings.  His description of raw, human feeling is most striking because his purpose would lack conviction, depth and meaning without the discovery of his personal “why.”  A reason.

Kyle’s reason is much more than merely a healing of body.  His reason and purpose are all relationship based.  He’s following a process carefully designed to heal his body, build his personal associations and empower his spirit.  That means living happily, creatively and connected to the most important people in his life.  His who.

“I’m in Oregon.”  Kyle said.  He was there with his “who.”  The people he loves most.

Suddenly, making the phone call felt like a revelation, as if using this time was a privilege; learning of how something terrible can be turned into greatness.  Perhaps this feeling came in combination with the revelation Kyle had already granted; a sure knowledge of the transient nature of individual time.  His presence in America’s Northwest, if nothing else, proves his deep-rooted acceptance of this truth.  It also revealed the three important branches of Kyle’s relationship-rooted understanding.  He was in Oregon on this day because he has been completely and thoroughly changed.  Change occurring upon discovering how to turn something terrible into something great by grasping his own what, why and who.

Horse-Sense Listening

“I thought my horse had extra sensory perception for a long time!” – Joe Burton

Horse-Sense Listening

Joe, Marilyn and I walked from their yard toward the horse stalls in their farmyard.  At first, I didn’t see any horses.  Then, just past the second stall, two forward-pointing ears floated quickly toward us.

“She’s smiling at us!”  I thought to myself.  And then, it was clear she wasn’t happy to see us.  She was happy to see Joe!

“You can’t have a treat right now.”  Joe said to her.

As if those words mattered to the horse!  She simply stretched her neck a little further so she could be closer to him.

“Alright!”  He said next.  “Maybe I can get you something.”

That was the beginning of how I learned more about listening from a horse and her caring friends, Joe and Marilyn Burton.  There were other horses in the paddock that day as well, but just one of them truly connected with Joe.  I marveled at their relationship.  Luckily, we kept strolling around the farmyard so I could learn more about how to listen with the sense of a horse.

“I thought my horse had extra sensory perception for a long time!”  Joe explained to me while talking about, perhaps his favorite horse ever, Big Red.  “When we were out together she’d seem to know exactly where I wanted to go without me even telling her.”

I was intrigued!  I’d never heard of a horse with ESP before.  And I grew up with Mr. Ed, the talking horse playing on my television.  Yes.  I can tell the difference between fantasy and reality and I trust Joe, so I knew what he was telling me was the truth.  I listened intently.

“The more we were out together, the more I was convinced that this horse was special!”  He continued.  “Perhaps that’s why I began to pay more attention to her, because my relationship with her was important to me.”

Providing focused attention is how a horse demonstrates their affinity for people and other horses.  It’s the first tenet of Horse-Sense Listening.

“Because I was focused on her, I began to notice subtlety.”  Joe explained.  “I discovered that my horse was listening with more than just her ears!  She would seek clues to what I wanted, before I would ever use an overt ask.”

There are non-verbal subtilties to Horse-Sense Listening.  That’s the second tenet Big Red taught Joe about her exceptional listening skills.

“That’s why I began to pay attention to my own actions.”  Joe said with a smile.  “I began to experiment.  I soon noticed that if I wanted to turn to the left, my body was making and almost imperceptible pre-movement in that direction.  That’s how she knew where I wanted her to go.”

“Micro-sensitivity” is the third tenet of Horse-Sense Listening.  It means being so attuned to another, that the listener seemingly knows what another horse or person wants, or intends to do, just before the signaling party even recognizes that they’ve made a conscious choice.

“I love your horse stories!”  I said to Joe toward the end of our time together.

Joe, Marilyn and I then began to walk from their farmyard toward my car in their driveway.  I recognized that progression as Horse-Sense Listening, even though I could no longer see any horses.  It was a sign that Joe and Marilyn were truly important to me and that they, and their horses, had been able to teach me something of great value.  If our ears could have been forward-pointing they would have been.  We had to settle for smiles on our faces instead.

“We’re smiling at each other!”  I thought to myself as I climbed into my car to leave.  And, it was clear that Marilyn, Joe and I had benefited from our shared secrets of Horse-Sense Listening.

A Small Sliver of Time

“I finally had to do the hard thing and take away his keys.” – Sterling Wilson

A Small Sliver of Time

I didn’t know Sterling before he made a phone call to me.  The caller ID that popped up on my phone read “Santa Rosa.”  During the much earlier days of number revelation, with many fewer and “line-bound” area codes, one could reliably know the location of the caller.  Those days are long past as mobility has become the rule of the day.

So, I asked, once I found out his current location is Utah, “What brought you to Utah from Santa Rosa?”

With that question, a key was turned.

“I grew up here, but when my father became ill I knew it was time to leave California.”  He said.

“How is your father now?”  I asked.

“Well, there are days when he’s lucid, but he spends most of his days watching television now.  He’s very clear about the past.  He just isn’t able to be in the present much anymore.”  Sterling continued.

“Wow!”  I replied.  “You’re dealing with a lot.  I understand because I’ve been through the same thing with members of my own family.”

“Thank you for your empathy! He said, before telling me more. “It’s hardest on my mom.  She’s struggling to take care of him every day.”

That description turned a couple of more keys in my heart, as I remembered that same situation occurring in the lives of some of my own loved-ones.  In each personally known case such caregivers passed away before the person they were tending to. It’s hard to watch a healthy partner give their lives in the service of one they hold so dear.  Yet, they do so willingly, out of love.

“My wife and I recently had a son.  We named him after my father.  It was to show our love; and we wanted to make it easier for my Dad to be able to remember his grandson’s name.”  Sterling said just before he halted.  “I finally had to do the hard thing and take away his car keys.”

“I’ve had that conversation!  If you ever need to talk with someone who understands, please call me again.”  I proffered.

I didn’t know Sterling before he made a phone call to me.  The caller ID that popped up on my phone read “Santa Rosa.”  In the much earlier days of number revelation, with many fewer and “line-bound” area codes, one could reliably know the location of the caller.  Those days are long past as mobility has become the rule of the day.  Yet, one essential rule hasn’t changed at all.

The “Golden Rule” is still “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  

We have much more in common with each other than we have difference.  To turn the key of understanding all we need to do is talk to each other for just a small sliver of time.

“The doctors told us that he’d never be able to talk again.  Listen to him now!” – Millicent Penovich

Millicent the Magnificent

We stood on the foothills of the Oquirrh Mountains looking across the rolling, golden hills.  The rustle of waiving, native ryegrass created a rushing sound which enveloped us.  Lamar and Millicent would normally be easily understood in any conversation.  But something had changed that.

Lamar struggled to get his words out, because he recently had a stroke.  And, while his words were not clearly there, his eyes were.  I could see frustration held back, just behind his pupils, as if corralled by an earthen dam.  He could still think clearly.  He just wasn’t able to communicate in the same way he normally could with everyone else.  Except for Millicent.

Millicent has been Lamar’s spouse for more than thirty years and this familiarity, combined with love, has provided them with a higher level of communication.  This mountainside meeting was the perfect time and viewpoint for them to demonstrate this.  There was Lamar trying to climb the mountain of speaking what his mind was thinking.  And, there was Millicent standing beside him, reading him, understanding him and becoming his voice of patience.

I say patience because Lamar was forced to be patient with both Millicent and me during our attempted understanding.  I also say patience because I watched Millicent carefully and lovingly listen, repeat and listen again.  She never tired of this process even though I knew it was a constant in every one of her days and nights.

“Love never fails!  She is magnificent!”  I thought to myself as I observed and participated in this mountain-climbing-exercise about seven months ago.  We had not spoken verbally much at all since then.

That changed over the past couple of weeks as we were directly working together again.  That’s how I know Lamar and Millicent have traveled almost to the top of their communication mountain.  We were conversing on the phone and I could understand almost everything Lamar was saying!  Of course, there were a few stumbling points.  And, when there was such moment Millicent was there beside him, reading him, understanding him and continuing to be his voice of patience.

“Look at you!”  I exclaimed to Lamar.  “You’re talking like a river flows!”

“He’s doing very well!”  Millicent responded.  “The doctors told us that he’d never be able to talk again.  Listen to him now!”

“Listen to him now, indeed!”  I thought, as I remembered that particular summer day, when we were standing on the foothills of the Oquirrh Mountains, looking across the rolling, golden hills that make up their beautiful property.  The rustle of waiving, native ryegrass created a rushing sound which enveloped us.  Lamar and Millicent would normally be easily understood in any conversation.  But a stroke had changed that for the both of them.

Yet, the real, most important change, came into Lamar’s life long ago.  And today, Millicent the Magnificent is still, steadfastly standing at his side, making a hard time easier, while filling their lives with unwavering love, and understanding.  She’s an example, to you and me, of how we can devotedly ascend every one of life’s mountains beside those we love.

Sniffing-out the Spectacular

“To look at a thing is quite different from seeing a thing, and one does not see anything until one sees its beauty.” - MINNIE DRIVER - Miss Mabel Chiltern.

Sniffing-out the Spectacular

I walk my dog every morning.  You know my dog, Harry Pupper.  I started walking just for the exercise and then it was also because I could see how much Harry enjoyed it.  I could tell how much he loved it, because he would wake up, pretend to be sleeping, and wait.  Wait for the click.

The click I’m referring to is the sound made by my turning the garage door deadbolt.  It’s the same click that tells the Pupper its time for us to satisfy our need for wanderlust.  Every dog seems to have this desire tucked deep inside.  They love to wander.  So do I.  It’s something we share.

There’s something special about wandering time.  And, it’s even better when done with a buddy.  So, I thought my wandering mornings couldn’t get any better.  I was wrong.

Just three days ago, as we were out, just before the sun, I saw something extraordinary.  It made me stop and capture the moment in a photograph.  It also made me stop and ask two questions.

“What if I lived my life like this every day?  What if, while wandering through each day, I actively look for the spectacular?”

Those questions caused me to decided that the Pupper and were going to test our little “Seeking the spectacular” experiment by actively looking for the special while wandering the next couple of mornings.  And, you know what?  We found that we began to see things we’d never seen, or perhaps noticed before. Even though we’d obviously walked right past them afore.

For example, we discovered one of the most beautiful sculptures we’d ever seen.  As we happened upon it, I remember asking Harry Pupper, “Have you noticed this before?”  

“It just goes to show, that we begin to see what exactly we’re looking for!”  

Of course, as soon as my words hit Harry’s soft furry ears, I recalled one of my favorite movie quotes from the film “An Ideal Husband.”

“To look at a thing is quite different from seeing a thing, and one does not see anything until one sees its beauty.” - MINNIE DRIVER - Miss Mabel Chiltern.

Then, as if scripted, Harry and I happened upon a small, big-mouth-full, green ball.

The Pupper loves to play ball.  I kicked it.  He chased.  We played ball for the rest of our stroll, as the sun continue to rise higher in the sky.  It was second dawning.

Having fun while looking for the spectacular increases its impact!

I walk my dog every morning.  You know my dog, Harry Pupper.  I started walking just for the exercise and then, it was also because I could see how much Harry enjoyed it.  I could tell how much he loved it, because he would wake up, pretend to be sleeping, and wait.  Wait for the click.

The click I’m referring to is the sound made by my turning the garage door deadbolt.  It’s the same click that tells the Pupper its time for us to satisfy our need to seek the spectacular.  Every dog seems to have this desire tucked deep inside.  They love to sniff-it-out.  So do I.  It’s something we can all share.

Thermometer or Thermostat?

“While I was never part of their group, I respected them for the strength they held in their core beliefs.” – Michael Sears

Thermometer or Thermostat? 

“It seems as if all of our institutions have shifted and they’re failing right before our eyes!”  Michael said to me as we were enjoying each other’s company while having lunch together.

I could understand why he had come to such a conclusion as he shared his recent experiences.  At the same time, I was about to experience an unexpected, yet important side-benefit from our lunch-time conversation and it caused me to listen to and explore the idea of, as well as the human need for, belonging more deeply.  

Belonging to something bigger than one’s self, a group or institution, is an important element of what it means to be part of the human family and experience.  Michael’s food-infused stories revealed at least five essential, important tenets of “Michael’s Principle of Belonging,” so I hungrily listened as he fed them to me.

“I never seemed to believe the same things as the majority of others in my childhood community.”  Michael expressed to me, as he began our conversation.  “That was always really hard for me as it made me feel as if I were an outsider.”

He went on to describe more of the personal challenges he faced as a result.

“I know what it feels like to hit rock-bottom.  I’ve experienced such pain personally!  It wasn’t until I came to really understand, and accept, my own personal value that was able to flourish.”  He continued. “Experience has taught me that in in order for a person to be part of something larger than him or herself, the other members of the group have to value them for who they really are.”

That’s the main tenet of belonging to a human centric group or institution.  It is essential to Michael’s Principle of Belonging.

“The next thing I’ve come to appreciate, even though I never held the same core beliefs of my early-life community, is how much I had come to rely on the consistency of the people surrounding me!” He explained.  “While I didn’t share the beliefs of my neighbors, I truly respected them for their, ‘this is what I believe and I don’t care if you agree with me attitude.’  I’ve just recently been able to comprehend what an important stabilizing force their belief-continuity has been in my life.”

That’s Michaels’ Second Tenet.  A person, belonging to any community, has a reciprocal obligation to value the genuine personality of the other members in the group.

Speaking of personal responsibility, Michael said, “I’ve recently discovered my role in that same community!  I’ve become a bridge, of sorts.  There are times when members of our community can’t understand the position of others.  That’s when I’ve found myself stepping in to act as peace maker because I love, understand and value competing ideas.”

Michael’s third tenet is: It is the responsibility of each group member lead out with love.

“It seems as if all of our institutions have shifted and they’re failing right before our eyes!”  Michael said to me, with love and compassion in his eyes, as we were enjoying each other’s company while having lunch together.

When our time together had ended, my thoughts around what he had taught me didn’t end.  I couldn’t quite capture a tie-down, a certain, simple analogy that would allow me to bind all the lessons, he’d taught me, together into one simple, long-lasting, impactful picture.  That’s when I looked at my car’s dash board while preparing to leave the restaurant parking garage on that same wintry, snow-blown day.

First, I checked the outside temperature reading.  When I saw how cold it was, I next turned my hand from the ignition button to the thermostat, just to the lower right, so I could turn it to increase the comfort level in my car.

“Am I a thermometer or a thermostat like Michael?”  I asked myself right after this movement and realization allowed me to internally absorb what Michael had been teaching me.

Adhering to Michael’s Principle of Belonging also means that you and I can also follow its fourth and fifth tenet’s.  People who want to make a difference in the lives of others don’t have the luxury of simply registering changes related to life’s interactive temperatures.  They, like Michael, seize the opportunity, have the ability, and obligation to turn up the thermostat of their love and understanding, so they can make a noticeable difference in their communities and relationships.  If we will, then we’ll make both stronger and they’ll never fail.