“That’s an aggressive question!” – Daniel Crania

Threads

“I spent this morning touring the offices of the business currently recruiting me.”  Daniel Crania’s voice sounded in my ear early Saturday morning.

He’s being recruited for a position with a company located in the same city he is currently working and living in.  He wasn’t looking for a new position, they called him.  What initially caught his interest was the opportunity to make more money.  A lot more money.  It’s a big decision for him so, we’ve been conversing about the pros and cons of potentially accepting an offer for a couple of weeks now.  It’s been a process of puzzling many of his life pieces together.

“I mean, the additional money is great!”  He continued.  “But, I asked the recruiter about work-life-balance today.  His response was that the CEO was really working to shift the culture to institutionalize this.  He said, she is a real believer in getting the company culture corrected in that way, as part of her turnaround plan.  I meet with their human resources group on Tuesday as my next step in the process.”

In truth, has became clear that Daniel’s desires for working and living are lying just below the surface of his awareness.  So, I made a simple suggestion to help him move his deepest desires to the forefront of his heart and mind.

“You know, when I’m working with a buyer of real estate and am getting ready to write an offer on a property for my client, I always make a phone call to the Seller’s Agent.  When doing so, I ask the other Agent, ‘Is there something other than price important to the Seller?’”  I said by way of introduction.

I went on to suggest that he consider additional factors, other than money, which are important for him in work and life. After all, he had already been sporadically pointing them out during our conversations.  He just hadn’t woven each strand into place yet.  

So, I suggested, “Send the recruiter a message today asking, ‘Other than the money being offered, why would I want to work for this company?’”

“That’s an aggressive question!” – Daniel said as if the wind had been knocked out of his lungs.  “I don’t even know how they would react to that!”  

But, I could tell the suggestion had made an impact because at the end of our conversation Daniel said, “This has been helpful.”

I hope it was helpful for him beyond the process of being recruited at the moment. Such a question, “Other than money, what do I want in my life?” is important to each person to ask.  And, it is a question that one must be asked over and over again, because life is a never-ending puzzle; a puzzle of tapestry. 

Life is a form of art, woven by each individual, in which their total of threads is hidden in the completed work.  It is unlikely that each thread is immediately visible.  Because each thread is typically discontinuous; requiring an interlace of each phase, each experience, back and forth in their own unique, small pattern.  One’s whole life is ultimately a combination of threads worked thoroughly together to form the final design.

Is your tapestry displaying, the whole picture of what you want in life?

“He stops to look around to see why.”

Harry’s Wheel of Reason

My dog, Harry Pupper, has a problem.  It’s me!  You know the saying.  “There are no bad dogs, just bad owners.”  That is a perfect description of our relationship.

Oh.  Don’t get me wrong.  We have a wonderful, loving relationship.  Except when he exhibits poor social skills.

He is strong willed. It could be said that this is, perhaps most of the time, one of his greatest character traits. Yet, there are times when he just can’t seem to help himself and that’s not a good thing.  He barks incessantly at people when they walk or drive by, and wants to give chase.  Often times, it’s all I can do to keep him at bay and I regularly struggle to keep my hand attached to the handle of his leash, while walking together each morning.  So, I decided it was time to become a more responsible owner by teaching him new habits.

As a person approaches us I say, “Off the road.”  Then, we step aside to let them pass.

The next command I give him before our neighbor passes is, “quiet.”  That is supposed to be his prompt to sit quietly as the car or person passes.

We’ve been working on this for months now.  Gladly, sometimes he’s been pretty good about it.  Other times he’s not.  So, I decided to increase our practice when there was nothing tempting him.  That’s when something else about Harry was revealed.  Harry has an internal, mental, wheel-of-reason that turns in his mind!

“Off the road.”

“Quiet.”

Harry hears and looks one way.  Then he looks the other way.  He pauses.  He looks back the other direction.  He sees nothing!  So, he thinks!  He wonders!  I can see the wheels turning in his mind.  When he sees no valid reason to get off the road and be quiet, he chooses to do neither!

“There are no bad dogs, just bad owners.”  I say to myself, as I watch Harry make his clear, reasoned choice. 

That’s the moment I realized, “Harry and I are more alike than I had ever imagined!”  And, while maddening, when he does that, it has allowed me to comprehend that, like my best friend, I’m the owner of my own choices.  It’s just that I hadn’t thought of the way my sometimes-poor reasoning has doggedly-delayed my personal development before.  The way my own mental wheel-of-reasoning can turn short at times. In other words, just because I look around, see nothing and then check by looking the other way as well, doesn’t mean my own wheel-of-reason will travel the distance to the ultimate benefit of long-term wellbeing.  Just like Harry.

My dog, Harry Pupper, and I have a behavior problem.  Perhaps that famous saying should be, “There are no bad people or dogs, just poor reasoning skills.”  That is a perfect description of how similar Harry and I are.

Oh.  Don’t get me wrong.  Harry and I have a wonderful, loving relationship.  Except when we chose to limit the travel of our personal wheels-of-reason.

We’re both strong willed. It could be said that this is, perhaps most of the time, one of our greatest character traits. Yet, there are times when we just can’t seem to help ourselves and that isn’t a good thing.  We bark incessantly, and want to give chase toward not-so-good choices, even though we’re working to keep ourselves bound to a path of maximum personal and societal benefit.  

So, I’ve decided its time to become a more responsible owner, driver of my own wheel-of-reason.

Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks!

“Don’t be embarrassed by your failures, learn from them and start again.” – Richard Branson

Belly Flop

On a bright, early morning walk along a rectangular-stone-lined stream there was one large distraction.  A belly flopping turtle.

I’m not sure if Harry Pupper heard and saw the belly flop before I did.  Perhaps my uncertainty is due to my head swiveling around so fast.  But, which of us was first doesn’t matter, because it was a first in another way.

It was the first time we had ever seen a common snapping turtle fall from a stone ledge, to complete a successful belly flop, into the flowing stream about three feet below.  It was a large turtle too; about fifteen inches in size.  So, there was a big splashing sound to match the look of astonishment on our faces.

Because our faces we glued to the scene we wanted to see the outcome, so Harry and I rushed over to see if the prehistoric looking, shell-bound creature needed assistance.  Once we reached the edge of the ledge we looked at the turtle bounce along the watery bottom for a skip or two before it righted itself to focus on starting its continual food-driven quest for aquatic animals and insects, sprinkled with light vegetation.  Even with its presumably humiliating flop, it simply started moving forward with its life again.

Harry soon lost interest because of the turtle’s immediate return to normality, even with the surrounding turbulence of the flowing water still buffeting it.  He focused on the sound of the trickling water and the smell of the adorning, stream and stone edged grass.  But, I heard an additional sound.

It was the distinctive voice of Sir Richard Branson, in my memory, saying, “Don’t be embarrassed by your failures, learn from them and start again.”

Some would say that common snapping turtles move slowly.  Yet, this one was a quick study of such advice.  This turtle’s “Guide to Completing a Successful Belly Flop” has now been etched upon my sometimes-hard-shelled head.

Don’t despair. Even when onlookers see you perform a belly flop, rather than the perfect swan dive you had planned, don’t drown in hopelessness.  Let the memory of their observation simply wash off your back. Then, take the few remaining bumps along the bottom and immediately begin to move forward as if nothing happened.

Still your embarrassment. Take a small moment to note the lessons you’ve learned from the failure, so you can allow its schooling to help create your envisioned future.

Finally.  Remember the benefits of resilience. Continued action, the act of resilience itself, is the key to being able to swim forward toward certain, awaiting bright-success.

On a bright, illuminating, early morning walk, along a rectangular-stone-lined stream there was one large distraction.  A belly flopping turtle.

I’m not sure if Harry Pupper heard and saw the belly flop before I did.  Perhaps my uncertainty is due to my head swiveling around so fast.  But, which of us was first doesn’t matter because it was a first in another way.

It was the first time a common snapping turtle presented a “Guide to Completing a Successful Belly Flop” to us.   Its fall from a stone ledge was a real-world demonstration of stilling embarrassment, leaving despair behind and acting with resilience.

Will you be as fast as a turtle to start again?

“All I’ve been through, the struggles, are for one purpose; the benefit of others.” – Diane Miller

Honeysuckle & Daisies

“My daughter saved my life!”  Diane said, while looking out over her land, which was laced with honeysuckle and daisies.

Diane’s smile seemed to be the perfect reflection of an already beautiful day.  A look past her smile, toward and across her forested property provided an almost endless array of honeysuckle, highlighted by bright daisies, displaying white petals attached to a Peanut M&M yellow center.  It was a sight to remember.

This very land was part of what changed Diane Miller’s life.

“I knew that if I wanted to create a solid future I’d need to purchase some real estate.  This was the first piece of real estate I ever owned.”  She continued and then halted.

Suddenly, her eyes began to glisten.  Tears welled in her eyes and she apologized for getting so emotional.  It was hard for her to believe that she had come this far into a future she’d begun with a dream.  A “journey” that began on the day her daughter had saved her life by making a phone call to local police.

“I never thought of myself as being abused.  But, when the police came to our home they would not allow my three daughters and me to stay, because we were all in danger.  We had to start all over again and at the time, I didn’t know how to even begin!”  She explained.

She started her new life in a shelter for women.  Next, she received training so she could become employed.  Then she got a job and worked, worked, and worked.  Her daughters supported her throughout it all.  As a result, they’re still very close and have expanded their family.

“All I’ve been through, the struggles, are for one purpose; the benefit of others.”  Diane said as she talked about the way she’s decided to live her life.

It’s all because of the way strangers helped her get on her feet and become successful.  And, she is the first one to acknowledge the goodness that others have given her along the way.

“I shouldn’t have been able to purchase the house I own.”  Diane expressed with clear gratitude.  “I purchased it from a builder directly and mine wasn’t the best offer he had received.  But, his office manager stood up for me and told him that he should choose my girls and me to build a life in the house.  If it wasn’t for her strength and championship (from someone I didn’t even know) I wouldn’t have gotten it!”

So, it was not just Diane’s daughter that saved her life!  Her life had been saved by the goodness of a countless number of noble people.  

And, while telling her story, Diane’s smile seemed to be the perfect reflection of that accumulated generosity.  A look past her smile, toward and across her forested property provided the perfect example of such tapestry; richness in design. There, on her land, resides an almost endless array of honeysuckle, laced throughout a towering forest, highlighted by bright daisies displaying white petals attached to a Peanut M&M yellow center.  

It, like the life Diane has woven, is a sight to savor, while appreciating that its true beauty has been created by bright details often overlooked, because of the magnificence of the whole.

Honeysuckle & daisies changed Diane Miller’s life.

Blind Resolve

“Life is not about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself.” – Lolly Daskal

Blind Resolve

“It’s interesting that you used the word quit.”  Steve said.

That’s because Steve Maranville has heard that word for more than sixty years.

“My forty-fifth-year high school class reunion is coming up soon.”  Steve continued.  “I’ve been in contact with a few of my classmates over the years, but not very many of them.”

So, he decided to begin to reach out to more classmates so he could discover what his peers had been up to over these many years.  It would allow him to enjoy a reunion with more depth centered on personal connection.  What he didn’t anticipate was an illumination.  An enlightenment concerning the difference between living with goals compared to living with resolution.

“One of my Classmates said something interesting to me.”  Steve elaborated.  “He said, ‘if anyone had a reason to quit it was you!’”

While attending high school Steve was legally blind.  But, he still had some vision in his eyes as well as a vision of who he could become, something the eyes of others couldn’t see, inside himself.  He also had something to prove to the world.  There was something, a feeling, deep in his core, his very soul, that propelled him toward proving himself to everyone, most importantly to himself.

“My Classmate’s comment about having a reason to quit brought a key distinction to my mind.”  Steve explained.  “There is a difference between living a goal focused life and living with resolve!”

Steve was once a professor in a prestigious university business school.  Now he’s a highly regarded and sought-after advisor to entrepreneurs seeking to build “unicorn” companies.  And, he is foremost and will always be a master teacher.

“Everyone will face moments in life when they want to quit.”  He imparted. “That’s the moment when a person has an internal confrontation.  They have a choice at that very moment.  Do I have a goal or do I have resolve?”

Here’s a brief description of what Steve calls “Blind Resolve.” 

A goal is just something out there on the horizon.  It hasn’t occurred yet.  It’s something you may accomplish in the future.  “I call that living with hope!”  Steve explains.

A resolution is very different! “I call it living in real-time, faith, knowing, right now, that you've already done it, become transformed.  It is an immediate change. It is a made decision!”

Living with resolve is the definition of living fully in faith.  It is Blind Resolve.

Blind Resolve means being blind to all of the hurdles and reasons you can’t or won’t become the person you dream of becoming.  You only see that you’re already that person.  It’s who you are now, in this moment.  The option of quitting has passed.

“It’s interesting that you used the word quit.”  Steve said as we talked about events and circumstances that had become the stimulus of immense personal transformation that had occurred in our lives over the past year.  The statement was Steve’s precursor; an introduction to a master teacher’s lesson about the distinction between living in hope and living in faith.

The difference is Blind Resolve.

An Improved Hunt for Joy

“He said, ‘We need just need two more ducks to reach our limit.’” – Boyd Billingsley

An Improved Hunt for Joy

“I was duck hunting with my son-in-law.  We’d been sitting in the blind for at least a couple of hours when he turned to me, toward late morning, and said, ‘We need just need two more ducks to reach our limit.’ I responded with, okay, that’s good.”

Then, the two men sat for a few more moments in a silence that spread over a minute or so. Soon it became clear that there was something else on the mind of Boyd’s companion.

Said he, “Boyd, we’ve been here all morning and you haven’t even picked up your gun!”

Boyd responded with, “Oh! I hadn’t noticed!”

Perhaps the two were on the adventure with different purposes?  Boyd’s son-in-law was there to hunt.  Boyd was there to savor the golden view.

Boyd says, “I don’t think I ever understood what people meant by the phrase, ‘The Golden Years,’ until now.”

The experiences of life have naturally allowed Boyd to develop improved sight while in his golden years. Here’s how he described his purposed, glitter-viewing duck hunting adventure with his son-in-law:

“When my son-in-law said I that hadn’t picked up my gun the whole time we’d been in the duck blind, it struck me that it hadn’t even dawned on me to do so!  I was there to enjoy the beauty of the place as well as be him. The duck hunting was really just an opportunity for me to show love for him and relish in gratitude for the surrounding beauty of the place.”

Boyd’s place in life is now well past the middle of his seventieth decade. There was a time when he couldn’t imagine an end to his living.  And, while he’s always enjoyed people, a sense of community and his surroundings, his acquisition of an improved, golden view has enhanced his living in virtually every moment of every day.

“Having a golden view means allowing myself to pay attention to the important people in my life and genuinely enjoying every precious moment!”  Boyd clarifies to anyone who asks exactly what living with a golden view means.

“I enjoyed everything when I was younger. But, not enough!”  Boyd said with a twinkle in his eye, right before saying, “I was duck hunting with my son-in-law.  We’d been sitting in the blind for at least a couple of hours when he turned to me, toward late morning, and said, ‘We need just need two more ducks to reach our limit.’  I responded with, okay, that’s good.”

That was good indeed.  But, living with a golden-view-perspective; that everyone can enjoy an improved hunt for joy in life by remembering that there will come a time when each person will reach their own personal limit, is what will make life glitter. That’s when every precious moment of living will be genuinely enhanced with joy.