“My son said, ‘Having the opportunity to start anew was so huge for me!’” – Taylor Oldroyd

Starting Anew

“You’ve been through hell.  But, you can be anyone you want to be here!”  Rex Reeve said to my much younger version in a new state and city.  That was then, many years ago.  And, now a bridge was about to be built, that spanned forty-three years, to the present.

There was a familiar face across the patio.  When four inquisitive eyes met and tentative nods were exchanged. Upon which, we both moved closer so as to confirm identities.  After all, sometimes it’s hard to recognize someone, even a friend, when the context is different.  And, sometimes you can recognize yourself for the first time, or after a long while of missing who you really are, only when the context has been altered.  That was the bridge to discovery being built as a result of a view.  The patio view of Woodrow Wilson Bridge, while looking out over the Potomac River on a sunny Tuesday morning, with a friend.

It had been a number of years since I’d seen Taylor Oldroyd.  So, I asked him to catch me up on his life and he began building a bridge from the past, into the present, and showed me how change had opened the way to a brighter, unknown future for those he loved most.

“When we moved from the state my daughter was angry.  We relocated to Montana and then again to North Carolina.  Happily, years later, she came to me and said, ‘Dad, those moves were the best thing that could have happened to me!’”  He said.

She noticed how she had become much more resilient as a result of the changes that had occurred even though they were outside of her personal control.  Having to face changed geography created more confidence in her ability to cope with the unknown.  She knew that she could be confronted with all-consuming change and not only survive, but find new talents and skills that lay dormant within.  And, she wasn’t the only one of his children to make this important discovery.

“My son said, ‘Having the opportunity to start anew was huge for me!’”  Taylor continued.  “I said, ‘That’s great, now the next thing is to learn is how to achieve the same result by staying in the same location!  You need to be able to seize opportunity, to chase your dreams and become the person you want to be, no matter your location or circumstance.’”  Taylor explained to me while taking in the view across the Potomac River toward Woodrow Wilson Bridge.  He didn’t know it, but he was bridging the way toward a new understanding of how to benefit from change, both forced and chosen.  

Sometimes a change in geography can be a catalyst.  The start of an important discovery.  The discovery of a personal strength you didn’t know existed.  After all, if there is one constant in life, it is change.

Most of us fear forced, external change.  It can be hard for us to embrace.  Yet, even with its difficulties, the way forward can be eased by taking the time to recognize what such change has awakened within.  And, this internal bridge building isn’t always a simple single span structure. Getting from who you are now to who you want to become often requires more.

It requires an ability to overcome outside, physical constraints that fetter most people.  It, more times than not, requires a journey to an oft undiscovered geography; one’s own heart and soul.  That sort of journey is most often an unforced and lonely move; the ability to seize opportunity, to chase your deepest desires and become the person you dream of being, no matter your location or circumstance.

“You’ve been through hell.  But, you can be anyone you want to be here!”  Rex Reeve once said to my much younger version in a new state and city.  That was then, many years ago.  And, now, on a patio highlighting exceptional beauty, a bridge was being built that spanned a forty-three-year journey, to the present, of embracing an ever-changing interior.

There was a familiar face across the patio.  When four inquisitive eyes met and tentative nods were exchanged. Upon which, we both moved closer so as to confirm identities.  After all, sometimes it’s hard to recognize someone, even a friend, when the context is different.  And, sometimes you can recognize yourself for the first time, or after a long while of missing who you really are, only when the context has been altered.  That was the bridge to discovery being built as a result of changed perspective through experience.

It offered a glimpse of wonder, of how to start anew, voluntarily, from the inside.

“The smallest deed is greater that the greatest intention.” – John Burroughs

The Smallest Deed

It was a small thing and it started with a short text message.

“Are you in town?”  Barry Smith asked.

“Yes.” I responded.

“Oh, good!”  He said.  “I’m out of town and I was wondering if you could help Andre.”

Andre Paczocha is a friend of ours.  And, not too many years ago he was almost given up for dead!  He was in an automobile accident.  A bad one!  In fact.  The steering wheel and the driver’s side of his car’s dashboard tried their hardest to replace his heart within seconds of an errant driver’s incursion.  After saving his life, Andre’s attending physician said, “All I can say Andre, is that you must be too stubborn to die!”

Yes.  Andre lived, but his life has changed in innumerable ways.  Things that were once simple and easy for him have become burdensome and difficult.  At least he can walk pretty well now.  He can amble forward for a way and then he has to stop and catch his breath, because his heart has never been the same after the accident.

“If you can think of every heart ailment, I have it.”  Andre once said to me.

Everything isn’t about his heart condition and bodily mobility though.  He can’t work. He can’t even drive his car.  That’s why Barry had contacted me.

The day after Barry and I communicated through text, I drove to Andre’s home and picked him up so we could drive to a meeting at the Social Security Administration.  It was an easy thing for me to do; to ride in a comfortable car, to visit a friend.  While doing so I wondered about the small nature of my deed just as John Burroughs must have done while writing one of his esteemed essays, in which he says, “The smallest deed is greater that the greatest intention.”

This thoughtful reminder perked up my spirit as the tires of my car met the gravel of Andre’s driveway a couple of minutes later.  My mood was heighted even more as soon as I saw him standing on his front porch with a smile of gratitude gracing his face.

We spent about three hours together; driving, talking, attending to his business.  Upon leaving the social security office I asked, “Where you able to complete what you needed to?”

Andre responded with a happy, “Yes!  And, I know a short cut back to my house. It will only take us about fifteen minutes to get there.”

So, we drove together once again.  This time the driving interval seemed to be completely insignificant.  Perhaps it was because we had actually completed our intention.  And, measuring this time together through life’s rearview mirror, our trip together seemed to be the smallest deed, ever.

It was a small thing to help Andre, and it started with a short text message.

“Are you in town?”  Barry asked.

“Yes.” I responded.

“Oh, good!”  He said.  “I’m out of town and I was wondering if you could help Andre.”

Barry and I did help Andre in a seemingly insignificant way.  Then and now, it is clear that Andre helped me infinitely more!  My time with him confirmed that what is inconsequential to one may be insurmountable to another and that the smallest deed is always much greater than anyone’s greatest intention.

A revelation provided by a newly-people-less house.

Trophy House

The front door lock was stiff.  It hadn’t been used for almost a year.  I giggled the key in an effort to get it to release.  Just as I was about to give it up there was a slight click.  The handle was free of the locking mechanism that had bound it.  So, I entered the house.

This wasn’t just any house.  It was the home of James and Carol Grimm.  They, and their family, are friends of mine.  As I walked in and saw the familiar sights, I could feel a knot beginning to be tied in my throat.  It signaled what I already knew.  Everything was still in this house, except for James and Carol.  Without them it was just a structure; a building filled with things.

Once inside I moved forward.  My purpose was to look it over for the family, so they could begin to get it ready for a sale.  I walked slowly because virtually everything there carried a memory.  They weren’t just my memories.  They were James and Carol’s memories.  All on display.

James’ trophies were perhaps the most prominent display in the house. They were almost all contained in the large trophy room.  I took the time to read the plaque on virtually every one of them.  They were descriptive of what James had achieved over a lifetime of pursuing his dreams.  They were big dreams and he had achieved an almost unimaginable amount of success.  

“This is a trophy house!”  I said to myself as I progressed.

But, as I looked toward the west end of the room, I was reminded that measures of success are not always found to be on display in a trophy room. There, just in front of me, was a photo album sitting on top of a brown cardboard box, near the trophy room’s entry.  It caught my eye because I had seen it before.

“I remember that photo album!”  I whispered to myself in recognition of its importance.

I remembered it, because not long ago I was looking through it with one of Carol and James’ sons.  He and I were reliving some of the most impactful family memories it contained.

“Not one of those photos contains a trophy!”  I reminded myself as I picked it up, in an almost absently minded manner.

The photos illustrated the growth of two boys and their parents.  They boys were on a journey to manhood.  The parents on their journey toward growing a living legacy.  The album showed a great deal of their shared journey.  Jimmy sitting up in a hospital bed, healing, after he survived a horrific automobile accident.  Family events held at their former homes in Scottsdale, Tulsa and Alabama.  Each photo whispered a documentary that played on, not only in my mind, but in the minds and hearts of those depicted therein.

“This is more than a trophy house!”  I called out for the whole universe to hear.  “The trophies tell of one ended story.  The boys shown in this album?  They are the continuing story!”

The front door lock was stiff when I arrived and tried to open it.  It hadn’t been used for almost a year.  I giggled the key in an effort to get it to release.  Just as I was about to give it up there was a slight click.  The handle was free of the locking mechanism that had bound it.  So, I entered the house.

This wasn’t just any house.  It was the home of James and Carol Grimm.  They, and their family, are friends of mine.  As I walked in and saw the familiar sights I could feel a knot beginning to be tied in my throat.  It signaled what I already knew.  Everything was still in this house, except for James and Carol.  Without them it was just a structure; a building filled with things, a trophy house.  Yet, the giggling of the front door’s handle caused something more than that one lock to be released.

My walk through the trophy room, where I rediscovered developed memories, opened another door of contemplation.

James and Carol have left something of much greater import than a house filled with trophies.  They’ve left a living legacy.  Two boys grown into men.  Grandchildren who are now parents themselves.  Love that has endured and is being carried forward.  

They’ve left life!  They’ve created a wonderful, living legacy!

“One of the most touching things ever to have happened to me was receiving a hand-written note.” – Barry Larson

A Noteworthy Breakfast

I’ve heard it said that the most important meal of the day is breakfast.  But, I guess I’ve never really believed it.  Until now!

The reason I believe it now has nothing to do with how good it is for a person’s body and mind to eat a suitable breakfast.  I’m sure someone else can regale you with such physical-body stories and statistics.  All I can do is to tell you how I came to know that breakfast truly is the most important way to acquire nourishment for the heart.

“Where would you like to have breakfast?”  Barry asked through a text message.

I viewed his message on my telephone.  It’s Barry’s preferred method of communication.  I think it’s because it saves him time.  And, most of the time, when one eats a poor breakfast it’s also about saving time.  Luckily for me, that wasn’t what my breakfast with Barry was about.

Our breakfast together was about one thing.  Spending time together.  Again, luckily for me, it turned out to be much more nourishing to my heart than I had ever dreamed.  And, I can dream quite well about where to eat, whether it is for breakfast or any other meal for that matter.

“Do you know if Blue Plate Diner is open for in-café dining these days?”  I typed back.

“No.”  Barry responded. “I usually eat at Jim’s.”

“Jim’s works for me.”  I digitized in return.  “The one in West Jordan will be most convenient for me.  Is that alright with you?”

So, on that Monday morning, I walked into Jim’s Family Restaurant.

“May I look to see if my friend is already here?”  I asked when I had arrived at the host’s desk.

Then I walked around a corner, saw Barry and slid into the booth right across the table from him.  We ordered food and then we talked while eating.  But, never while our mouths were full!  And soon, our stomachs were satisfied.  Yet, I’ve already told you that a stomach filled with good food is not the reason I now know that Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  It was something Barry said to me.  A wonderful story.

“When I grew up my family didn’t have much money.”  He said.  “But, my parent taught me a great work ethic.  And because they passed that on to me it’s made all the difference.  Still, I didn’t know how much of a difference until I was sitting in a potential client’s living room one day.”

He told me how he didn’t really know much about the people he was meeting with.  And, his initial meeting was just getting to know them better.  Things were going well, so they decided to hold a follow up meeting soon after the first.

“I had lightly eluded to how humble my family background was because I didn’t know them well yet.  I was sort of vague, thinking I wasn’t divulging too much personal information.”  He explained.

At that point of the Barry’s story, I had scooted up to the edge of my seat.  I mean, with bait like that, I was so hooked that my belly was as tight as it could possibly be on the edge of the table.  I was waiting to be fed well past the simple food we were eating.

“The next meeting with these potential clients went well.  It looked as if I was going to be able to help them.  I was getting ready to leave when the matriarch, a kindly woman of graced-age got up and pressed a hand-written note into the palm of my hand.  She did it in such a way so as to not allow the others in the room to even see what she had done.”

Barry paused.  I could see the emotion building behind his eyes.

“I didn’t know it at that moment, but It was one of the most wonderful things to ever happen to me!”  He continued.  “I left the house and began to drive home.  I thought I’d wait to read the note until I got home.  But, my little internal voice said, ‘stop and read it now.’ So, I did!”

“I know your family and about the challenges you faced as you grew up!”  The woman’s note said.  “I just wanted you to know that I could not be more proud of who you have become!”

“I took the note home and shared it with my wife.  It is a memory I’ll never forget.  It’s a kindness beyond anything I thought I would ever experience.  I treasure the memory in my heart!”  Barry said with the softness of gratitude touching his voice as we finished our breakfast together.

I’ve heard it said that the most important meal of the day is breakfast.  I guess I’ve never really believed it.  Until now!

The reason I believe it now has nothing to do with how good it is for a person’s body and mind to eat a suitable breakfast.  I’m sure someone else can regale you with such physical-body stories and statistics.  All I can do is to share with you the story of how I came to know that breakfast truly can become a most significant way to acquire nourishment for the heart.  

Barry Larson taught me that you and I can make breakfast a much more heart-warming experience. Perhaps we can take the time to share life’s most important events with each other as a pathway toward sharing a more enhanced meal.

Who knows? Perhaps breakfast will become the most important meal of the day to those we pass carefully hand-written notes of inspiration & admiration to, so we can swell both their tummies and their hearts with affection.

“As I looked up, above the water, in my broken body, I saw an ethereal woman above me saying, “surrender.” – Margo Coates Huddleston

Surrendering

“I love to be on the water.”  Margo Huddleston said to me as we looked out of the large south facing windows of her living room out across a shimmering lake and on to the Oquirrh Mountains.  Below those same windows, anchored in that same lake, Margo and her husband Laron have a couple of boats tied to the shore.  While absorbing this tranquil setting one could assume that Margo has sailed smoothly through life.

Margo does sail on the water.  Yet, I was there visiting because I knew she hadn’t been sailing effortlessly through life for quite some time.  She’s been battling some health issues in earnest.  So, I when I had a strong feeling to stop in to see how she was doing, I followed that feeling to her house.  Happily, as she came into her living room to greet me, her eyes, voice and smile were still sparkling, just like the sunshine bouncing off the water before us.

“I’m going in for more back surgery.”  Margo said as she graciously perched on the arm of a small couch.  “I don’t think I’ll be back out sailing anytime soon.”

Her torso was covered in a large, black back brace and she shifted slightly as she talked so she could make adjustments to the straps holding it in place.

“I’ve looked worse!”  She beamed, before continuing, “I was really banged up once from a sailing accident!  Have I told you that story?”

She hadn’t told me that story, so I answered her query with a quick, “No.”

“We were out sailing one day when strong winds began to buffet the boat.”  She continued.  “I was thrown overboard and as my head came up out of the water the first thing I saw was the boat tumbling sideways toward me.  I knew there was nothing I could do.  It was going to pummel me!”

And, just as she thought, the boat cartwheeled directly on top of her.  It churned and churned until every part of her body had been beaten, just as if she’d been in a butter churn.

“You should have seen me!”  She said.  “My face was swollen and my entire body was bruised or broken.  But, that’s not why I’m telling you this story.”

At this point, I was hooked like a fish, caught by a skilled fisherman.  I was breathlessly waiting to hear more.

“As the boat was thrashing me, I remember thinking, ‘This must be my time.  I’m ready to go.’ And at that moment I looked out of the water toward the sky. And, as I looked up, above the water, in my broken body, I saw an ethereal woman above me saying, ‘surrender.’  That’s the moment I knew I’d be alright, that I could surrender to the moment and the accident, without worry.”  

Margo finished talking with an expectant smile, her blue eyes riveted on mine.

I’d had the feeling to stop, hoping to offer some encouragement.  Yet, here was Margo, offering me dramatic encouragement and a valuable lesson instead.  Surrendering doesn’t have to mean giving up.  It can also mean that it’s an occasion to allow faith and hope to grow inside, by trusting that great good can flow to us, like water; come from others who freely offer their love, care and nurture.

“I love to be on the water.”  Margo Huddleston said to me as we looked out of the large south facing windows of her living room out across a shimmering lake and on to the Oquirrh Mountains.  Below those same windows, anchored in that same lake, Margo and her husband Laron have a couple of boats tied to the shore.  While absorbing this tranquil setting one could assume that Margo has sailed smoothly through life.

Margo does sail on the water.  Yet, I was there visiting because I knew she hadn’t been sailing effortlessly through life for quite some time.  She’s been battling some health issues in earnest.  So, I when I had a strong feeling to stop in to see how she was doing, I followed that feeling to her house.  Happily, as she came into her living room to greet me, her eyes, voice and smile were still sparkling, just like the sunshine bouncing off the water before us.

And, she taught me another, important meaning of surrender.

“I had always envisioned myself as being someone who would be able to offer help and refuge to many people.  Then my life took an unexpected turn.”  - Sarah Gwin

Truly Grand

It had been a great while since I’d seen my neighbor Sarah.  I knew she and her husband, Chris, were focusing their time caring for one of their children in particular.  But, that’s about all I knew.  That was about to change as soon as she spoke.

“I had always envisioned myself as being someone who would be able to offer help and refuge to many people.  Then my life took an unexpected turn.” Sarah said.

Sarah has always had a heart that couldn’t be held in check by her chest and as a result, has always had dreams of being able to share her love with many people.  It has been the focus of her life path since she was a child.  Chris shared her vision and they joined in walking that path together as soon as they started their family and had children.

“I wanted to provide service to others in a grand way.”  Sarah continued.  “Then we had a child born into our lives to teach us what it means to do something truly grand.” 

This natural teacher does not have the ability to communicate verbally through words.

“There are times of great quiet.  Then, there are times of great vocal outbursts.  But, there is always a bond and communication of love that is deeper than anything I had ever imagined.” Sarah explained.

She and Chris have been spending the past few years sharing and offering specialized care for their teacher-child.  One of them needs to be at home constantly.  That’s the reason I began to see one of these two at social events, they and I would normally attend together.  Sarah said that this unanticipated change has been hard for them.  And, most importantly, it has changed her understanding of what truly grand means.

“Our child has taught me that the grandest gesture a person can make is to offer refuge to another.” She said as her eyes shimmered as if filled with diamonds.

Each one of us has had, and will have times, when we are completely dependent on another person for love and care.  Yet somehow, we tend to forget that.  Luckily, if we take the time to listen to those making the truly grand happen around us right now, sometimes not always visible, we’ll remember the genuine significance of offering personal refuge.

So, even though it had been a great while since I’d seen my neighbor Sarah, I listened intently.  I knew she and her husband, Chris, were focusing their time caring for one of their children in particular.  But, that’s about all I knew.  That was all changed as Sarah taught me about the grandest gesture.

“I had always envisioned myself as being someone who would be able to offer help and refuge to many people.  Then my life took an unexpected turn.” Sarah said.  “Chris and I had a teacher-child born into our family and our child has taught me that the grandest gesture a person can make is to offer refuge to another.”

“I’ve been battling macular degeneration in my eyes.” – Jay Samak

Dot-to-Dot

“Have you talked with Jay recently?” Cad asked.

“I talked with him just a week, or so ago.”  I replied.

“Then you know he’s losing his vision?”  Cad followed.

“No!” I said in a tone of disbelief.  “I’ve been talking with him quite a bit and he’s never said a thing to me about that!”

Because of that brief conversation with Cad Cauley, shadowy laden memories began to drift into the forefront of my consciousness, like an abating fog.  Things that should have acted as clues, suddenly connected.  You know, like those dot-to-dot drawing puzzles? 

It all started during last year’s holiday season.  I would call and leave voice messages for Jay to get back to me.  It would be three or four days before he would call me back.  I began to worry.

When we did talk he explained it all away saying, “I’m on a family vacation for a few weeks.”

“Good for you!” I said to him with understanding in my heart.

Then, the holiday season ended.  But, the slow-to-return calls didn’t.  When I finally spoke with Jay again he explained it all away with, “I’ve sold my company.  It’s taking me a lot of time to get my office cleaned out.”

Again, I was happy for him.  Glad he was able to enjoy time with his family, as well as his ability to have time to do the things he loved to do.  Still, I could feel a little nagging in the back of my mind, telling me that things were not as they appeared. And while I was a little surprised by Cad’s revelation, I knew what he was telling me was right.  I was embarrassed as well.  Shamed that I hadn’t connected the dots on my own.  That’s when I made another call to my friend Jay.

“I heard a rumor.”  I started. “It’s my understanding that you’ve begun to lose your eyesight.”

“I’ve been battling macular degeneration in my eyes.” Jay responded back. “I lost my driver’s license a couple of months ago.  I can’t read very well.  I can’t even go anywhere without hiring a driver.”

My heart was breaking as I listened to him explain the huge changes and challenges he was facing.  To make matters worse, he was dealing with me, a visually challenged friend.  Someone who claimed to be his friend, yet couldn’t see clearly enough to recognize the needs of one of his own buddies.  I vowed to do better.

I listened as Jay told me of his upcoming trip to Boston, to consult with one of the world’s macular degeneration innovators.  How he was coordinating her care plan with that of a colleague in the Moran Eye Center in Salt Lake City.  He described his hopes and dreams of being able to obtain the help he needs to be able to see better again.  And, through it all, I was formulating my own care plan, a plan to enhance my own vision, related to being a better friend.

Perhaps one of the main differences between my lack of vision and that of my friend, is that Jay is experiencing a physical phenomenon.  Mine physical vision is just fine.  I’ve just been experiencing a temporary case of opaque-spot-removal; being blind to one who needs me.

Talking with Jay directly, about his medical condition, was the first step in clearing my friendship vision.  Now, I’m introducing supplements to my care plan.  Not vitamins for my body, but attentive care to add vitality and encouragement to our friendship.  You might say, I’m taking things one step at a time, to be there when my friend needs me.  Just as Cad is.

“Have you talked with Jay recently?” Cad asked.

“I talked with him just a week or so ago.”  I replied.

“Then you know he’s losing his vision?”  Cad followed.

“No!” I said in a tone of disbelief.  “I’ve been talking with him quite a bit and he’s never a thing to me about that!”

“I’m going to stop in to visit him at his house tonight!”  Cad continued.

That comment and visit were the first two clear dots.  The ones opening my eyes to others that will surely become visible as I look for them.  After all, it is very difficult to see what you aren’t looking for.  But the entire picture of how to best help a friend in need can become clearer by traveling together, from one dot to the next.

You know, like those dot-to-dot drawing puzzles?

“When we arrived in the home of our host, it was very small, welcoming, clean and free of clutter and filled with happiness!” – Lorraine Clark

The Bermejillo Principle

“Kristin was invited to speak at a conference for women in Bermejillo, Durango, Mexico.” Loraine said.

Bermejillo isn’t an easy place to get to.  There are no large international airports and one has to drive a bit, on small, two-lane highways to get there.  So, it took Loraine some planning effort to arrange for the two friends, Kristin Murdock and Lorraine Clark, to arrive in this isolated desert community.  But, it was worth the effort.

“When we arrived, we were invited into the home of our host.” Lorraine explained.  “It was a small home.  Yet, that isn’t what captured our attention as we walked through the front door.”

As soon as they entered the home, their eyes scanned from one side to the other, taking it all in.  It was neat as a pin, clutter free and filled with happiness.

Speaking of this inaugural experience, Lorraine said, “There was nothing out of order!  There was not one superfluous item!  Most importantly, it was filled with a sense of peace and contentment.”

Kristin followed with, “I never would have expected to have such a feeling of serenity in an unfamiliar setting!”

The setting wasn’t only unfamiliar because they were in a different country, meeting with a host they heretofore had never met.  There were also few familiar features contained within the house.  For example, the restroom was located outside of the main structure.

“But, we immediately sensed that those things didn’t matter!”  Lorraine said, right before she and Kristin began to provide greater illumination regarding their discovery of what mattered most.

“There was true joy radiating from the eyes of our host!”  Kristin explained.

Their host was not living in a mansion, or even a large house.  She didn’t have expensive furniture or the latest modern appliances.  But, what she did have was more valuable than any of those things.  She was happy!  She enjoyed what he had and maintained vigilant stewardship of it.

“Vigilant Stewardship took on a whole new meaning for me!”  Lorraine continued.  Then she went on to describe exactly what she had learned during this trip. “It isn’t necessary to have a large house.  It isn’t necessary to have a lot of things.  And, it isn’t necessary to live in luxury in order to live fully in happiness.”

“Live life without clutter!”  Kristin chimed in.  “As I spent time with our host I could see how having fewer belongings, was truly liberating.  It allowed our host to focus on building personal relationships above all else!”

“Yes!”  Lorraine agreed, “When we arrived in the modest home of our host it was welcoming, clean, free of clutter and filled with happiness!”

This same host had invited Kristin to speak at a conference for women in Bermejillo, Mexico.  She gave an inspiring presentation!  And, that invitation opened an unexpected door.  As soon as she and Lorraine entered that door, they recognized great joy in the eyes of a new friend. 

Those shared-eyes illuminate the way for all of us to discover a new-found appreciation for the foundational attributes that can create enhanced joy that may soon radiate from our own faces. They lead us toward a greater understanding of what vigilant stewardship is.  And, toward a new aspiration; to simplify our lives by focusing on personal adherence to the foundational values of the “Bermejillo Principle.”

Bermejillo isn’t necessarily an easy place for you and me to travel to.  But, Lorraine and Kristin have been there and they found something more than just a town or a place. They discovered something much more meaningful.  They learned the Bermejillo Principle; a pathway for living with more joy.

“A couple of months later, I had just been diagnosed with cancer, was emotionally drained and not feeling well physically, when at midnight, someone began pounding on my front door.” – Mike Stillo

Fueling Neighborly Friendship

“When I was living in Georgia a few years ago, the neighborhood in which I was living was filled with people.  Not neighbors.”  Mike said while talking with a group of his current neighbors.

His old neighborhood, especially one particular next-door-neighbor, was a place of constant disagreement.  

“My next-door-neighbor seemed to be in shouting matches and sometimes fights in his front yard every week!”  Mike said.  “I was having a difficult time in my own life at the time, so I thought, if I could concentrate on helping someone with more troubles than I had, my own difficulties would somehow feel less burdensome.” He explained, before conveying the story of what I call, “Mike’s Method” for sparking warmer personal relationships.

In order to spark a better relationship with his neighbor, Mike decided he’d make sure to be outside as much as possible during times when his difficult neighbor came home.  He rationalized, “I would simply be there when he drove up to his house.  That way I could just walk over and start a conversation with him in a natural way.  I did this for a couple of years.  And then, in an effort to be in a position to give myself more chances to talk to him whenever he came outside, I began to chop a lot of wood!”

After splitting logs, he purposely stacked the wood next to the fence he shared with his acquaintance, hoping it would act as fuel to create a friendship. He continued to split and stack wood this way, right up until the day his grandson, the boy Mike was raising, came running into their house.

“The neighbor is stealing our firewood!”  He said with exaggerated animation. “Are you going to go over and talk with him?”

“No.” Mike, always a teaching grandfather, calmly responded.  “Let’s go out right now and throw the wood over the fence, into his yard.  He probably needs it more than we do!”

As soon as they finished gifting the firewood, Mike and his grandson were expecting their efforts to spark a change in the man they were trying to befriend.  They thought their next-door-neighbor would come over and express his gratitude. Yet, when the spark they offered toward a brighter-burning friendship, through the tendered kindling, seemed to have been fully dampened, both Mike and his grandson were discouraged.  But, they needn’t have been.

Mike’s eyes filled with tears as he described what happened next.  “A couple of months later, I had just been diagnosed with cancer, was emotionally drained and not feeling well physically, when at midnight, someone began pounding on my front door.  I answered the banging and found my neighbor, fully distraught, standing in front of me.  He seemed to be a broken man as he said, ‘My mother is in the hospital!  I need someone to teach me how to pray!’”

That’s when Mike ushered his distressed neighbor into the full glow of friendship by inviting him in.  Unfortunately, not more than a couple of days later, Mike was admitted into a hospital himself, so doctors could treat his worsening disease.  When he returned home, his new friend and neighbor had moved.

“When I was living in Georgia a few years ago, the neighborhood in which I was living was filled with people.  Not neighbors.  That is, until I decided to spark a friendship with the man next door, through the gift of firewood.  In the end, we connected in a very deep and touching way.  I’ll never forget the night, when a once gruff man, came over to ask for help.  I was so glad to have been there for him then, when he needed a neighbor.  I can still feel the warmth of our connection to this day.”

Are you looking to spark warmer personal connections in your own life?  Then use “Mike’s Method” so you can feel the inner warmth fuel by the gifts you offer to your neighbors.

Pin Your Tale on the Donkey

“I’ve failed over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

Pin Your Tale on the Donkey

“Will you please take my photo with the burro?”  I asked my friend Bob Bemis as we walked together, while enjoying a welcome reception for the conference we were attending.  “I want to keep it around so I can remember the power of being sure-footed and stubborn.”  Burros are possibly most famous for their inherent stubborn streak.

Some people are known for their stubborn natures as well.  It’s a quality that’s not always viewed as positive.  Yet, there are positive traits, I can think of, which are considered its derivatives.  These attributes include tenacity, persistence and perseverance.  

Imaginably Michael Jordan was thinking of these very characteristics, and the burro, when he said, “I’ve failed over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.”

Failing is hard.  But, if you and I can visualize a small, sure-footed, persistent burro while experiencing trying times, perhaps we’ll be encouraged to follow her example and enjoy speedier success, while suffering less emotional turmoil.   Emulating positive traits of the burro, and making them part of our personal tale, can help all of us tap in to the core of what we are made to do; learn from our mistakes and feel the joy of personal growth.

Tale-of-the-donkey one.  Take the time to notice how your failures have changed you for the better.  While walking a rocky path, a burro pays close attention to the details of the trail.  They keep their head and eyes focused on the route at all times.  This allows them to notice every detail, every obstacle they are facing, no matter how small or large.  They have an amazing ability to remember the particulars of the path so they’ll be prepared to make adjustments as they progress.  If you and I will do the same, we’ll be able to use the power of recollection to aid us in the remembrance of who we once were, and how experience has made us wiser and stronger.

Tale-of-the-donkey two.  Allow your experience to assist you in establishing a greater belief in your ability to adapt. A seasoned burro knows she can count on her steady legs and hoofs to serve her over and over again, through difficult circumstances, because she’s gained confidence in her ability as a result of successfully traversing hard trails.  You and I can do the same.  Hold your failures in their rightful place, as experiences leading you closer and closer toward realizing your true potential.

Tale-of-the-donkey three.  Track all of your successes back to your failures, or as your mother and father said, “Remember where you came from and who you are.”  Burros know they’re burros.  So, they always act like burros.  As humans, we sometimes forget to remember the example of those who paved our way and brought us into the world.  Neither you, nor I would be alive today, enjoying a quality of life unmatched in all of history, had others not overcome many failures on their way toward growing success.  

No. Our ancestors were not perfect.  Yes. They failed over and over again.  And, look at the amazing word we’ve inherited from them!  We’re all human!  We’ll fail and we’ll ultimately succeed in becoming better than we were yesterday, because that’s what humans do.  History is a testimony of how people have stubbornly grown personally and collectively, often with a burro by their side.

“Will you please take my photo with the burro?”  I asked my friend Bob as we walked together, while enjoying a welcome reception for the conference we were attending.  “I want to keep it around so I can remember the power of being sure-footed and stubborn.”  Burros are possibly most famous for their inherent stubborn streak and I wanted to keep a visual reminder. 

An aide-mémoire to pin my tale on the donkey.

“His pull on the leash was strong.  So strong, that I could feel something extra, a tug up my arm and into my heart.  It caused me to think of something previously unthought of.”

Too Much Your Own

It was a bright, somewhat cool, and breezy Sunday morning.  I was out with Harry Pupper, walking one of our regular routes across rolling hills, around flowing streams, over grass and through mature trees.  He was exhilarated, darting from side to side, from one edge of the path to the other, happily zipping with his nose to the grass, tugging.  His pull on the leash was strong.  So strong, that I could feel something extra, a tug up my arm and into my heart.  It caused me to think of something previously unthought of.

As soon as the forbidden thought crossed my mind I looked around.  There was not one person in sight.  So, I bent over, asked him to come to me, and released the leash from his harness.  He flew off!

I watched as the speed in his legs allowed him to float across the ground.  The speed of his zigs and zags increased as he ran free.  He was smiling!

I was also smiling.  His frolic was joyous to behold.  It seemed as if we were more deeply connected.  With all his running, with all his new-found freedom, he was still watching me.  So, I tested our connection.

Harry ran to the right, just up a little rise.  I walked to the left, listening.  Expecting.

Within a couple of seconds, I heard him coming toward me like a freight train!  I laughed out loud as he ran in huge circles around me; as if he had herded me into his control.  Then, he stopped.  He was tired.  His tongue lolled outside of his open, panting mouth and I asked him to come to me.

I connected his leash back to his harness and thought of Oliver Burkeman’s words, “You can grasp the truth that power over your time isn’t something best horded entirely for yourself: that your time can be too much your own.”

Our time is meant to be shared with the others around us.  Not just our time, but our talents and gifts as well.  Yet, the sharing of all three, by letting ourselves be free from our own self-connected leashes, can introduce us to some of our most frightening moments.  My friend Aubrey Patterson confessed this very thing to me earlier in the week while having dinner with her husband Aaron and me.

“One of the scariest things I’ve ever done was to run for city council!  But, I wanted to get to give more to the people of our city and learn from those we live with.  I’m more than just a professional teacher.  I’m a learner as well and I’m just taking one step after another, in faith.” She said as we discussed her current campaign for the state legislature.  Then, her husband Aaron followed her comments with his own words.

“I thought of her life long experience and education.  It allowed me to see that she has been preparing for this her whole life!”

“Your time isn’t something best horded entirely for yourself: that your time can be too much your own.” Oliver Burkeman’s words echoed in my mind again.  

Perhaps you and I have also been prepared, through our life’s long experience and education, to connect more deeply to others as well, by offering our time, talents and gifts freely, unfettered by the binding leash of our own fear of the unknown.  If so, we may also desire to follow the example of the short-legged dog, Harry Pupper.

Once, the forbidden thought of releasing the latch of Harry’s leash crossed my mind and I released the clasp from his harness.  He flew!

I witnessed the speed of his legs allow him to fly across the ground.  The quickness of his zigs and zags increased as he ran free.  He was smiling!  We were smiling.  His frolic was joyous to behold.  And, we became more deeply connected than ever before.  

Such freedom, joy and connection with others can only be experienced when we allow ourselves to take one step at a time, in faith, away from the leash holding us to fear.

Sometimes, we can be too much our own.

Attention Manifestation Muscle

 

“When I saw that my wife had received new two job offers on the same day, I thought, Isn’t the Universe amazing!” – Abhi Golhar

Attention Manifestation Muscle

Abhi Golhar, international real estate investor, author and renowned speaker, and I walked out of the San Diego Convention Center together.  He was rushing forward, on his way to the airport.  On his way home, to Atlanta.  We were walking hurriedly because our conversation was soaring on and we didn’t want him to miss his flight.

By the time we got to the curb his Uber was waiting.  He got in the car and we waived farewell.  Not goodbye.

Since that November day we’ve talked on the phone a few times. Up until four days ago, when he told me that something exciting had happened.

“I can be in Atlanta tomorrow by about five p.m.”  I said on our last call.  “Can you have dinner with me?”

“I’ll rearrange my schedule.”  He responded.

The next day I flew to Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport to meet him.  As soon as the plane’s wheels touched down I fingered a text to Abhi. 

“Landed.”

And, a few walking-minutes later he pulled his car to the curb at Red S5 and I climbed in so we could drive to a local brewery, enjoy some dinner and talk.  Now he was the one flying, in excitement.

“When I saw that my wife (Vanessa Engineer) had received two new job offers on the same day, I thought, Isn’t the Universe amazing!” He said excitedly.  “It was a manifestation of what she said to me many years ago.  In fact, these job offers have exceeded her dreams!”

Then he went on to reveal how you and I can strengthen what he calls the human “Attention Manifestation Muscle.”

“First,” He teaches, “Take time to dream.  When my relationship with Vanessa was just beginning, many years ago, we spent many dreamy hours together learning about each other’s hopes and imaginings.  It was part of a deepening exercise which strengthened our relationship.  This bonding time was more than just the beginning of our personal connection.  It also created our future in a way we’re just now beginning to understand!”

Abhi remembers Vanessa’s dreams quite vividly. His ability, to catalog her early expressions, has allowed him to see them come to life in the form of recognizable manifestations years later.  Now he anticipates their occurrence. He watches for them to appear.

Second, Abhi counsels, “Seek new opportunities.  In order to develop yourself into the person you dream of you need to have a reason to do so.  Vanessa wants to help other people become and stay healthy.  For example, over the past two years she’s been fully engaged in studying COVID-19 for the CDC, because she’s committed to helping people with their current, pressing, health needs.  The complexity of this virus has motivated her to look for additional, unknown, ways to meet this and other new challenges.”

Third, learn from others.  Abhi says, “As you’re looking for new opportunities, analyze your strengths and weaknesses.  This will allow you to detect available opportunities you can hone in on.  Ask yourself, what have others not yet discovered?  Is there something you’re especially suited to because of your background and experience?”

Finally, form partnerships.  “While you’re actively working to bring your dreams to life, form partnerships.  Ask, are there are some things I can’t do alone?  Involving others can help speed up your process.  If you’re smart about who you partner with, this can make a difference.”  He said with his charming, boyish grin.  After all, we were talking about his core partnership, his marriage.

He didn’t say it, but as we conversed I couldn’t help but think, “Perhaps forming partnerships, teaming up with the right partner, augments a person’s personal growth and helps them to flex their Attention Manifestation Muscle more rapidly,” as I thought of what Abhi and Vanessa have accomplished together as partners, including the publishing of a joint book in 2019, “Healthy Passive Income: A Fun, Disciplined Investment Methodology for Busy Healthcare Professionals.”

With that thought, I glanced at my watch.  It told me that it was now my turn to rush forward, to be on my way to the airport.  To make my way home.  So, we began walking hurriedly toward his car, our conversation still soaring, as we didn’t want me to miss my flight.

In little time we arrived at the airline drop-off curb, having made a full circle back to the airport.  Then, I got out the car and we waived farewell with smile; not goodbye, as I began to walk forward briskly, toward taking flight toward new heights.  

Because, these four principles will help everyone grow their own Attention Manifestation Muscles so they reach new heights.

Living the Dream

“What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?” Tom Grunnick (From the movie Broadcast News, 1987)

Living the Dream

“How did your meeting go with the CEO today?” I said through my telephone to Christina Johnson.

I made the call to Christina because I was excited to hear more about her success.  As a member of the global “product team” for a major corporation, she had discovered a mind-blowing problem.  It was an issue that had already cost her company more than four-million-dollars over the past six months alone.  So, the CEO of her company wanted to meet her personally, to find out how she had discovered this systems weakness.  It was an exciting moment in Christina’s career!

“It went well.”  She responded with uncertainty.  “I didn’t answer her questions as well as I should have.  I could have done better!”

“Wait a minute!” Came out of my mouth immediately.  “I’m sure you did just fine.”

“I’m just always looking to improve, to see what I can be doing better.”  She continued.

“But, you need to give yourself a chance to celebrate your success!”  I suggested.

“When you started with the company in a warehouse out, far away from corporate headquarters did you ever dream of having the CEO ask you to personally come to advise her?  Not only have you saved your company millions of dollars, you’ve grown into someone who is highly respected and admired!  You found something that thousands of others didn’t!”

“When I started,” She answered, “I thought that perhaps I could grow to become the manager of the warehouse where I worked.  I never dreamed I’d ever be in my current position. I didn’t even know it existed!  I’ve never thought about that.  Until now.”

“Living the Dream.”  I robotically heard inside my head; thinking of the thousands of times my acquaintances had responded, in this way, when asked how they were doing.  It’s a sardonic way of telling the person making the query that they are simply getting by and working toward finding success.  Which sparked another memory of a statement made by the fictional character Tom Grunnick from the 1987 movie, Broadcast News.

“What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?”

“What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?” I queried internally, again, during the silent pause Christina and I were experiencing during that moment of inaudible assessment.

Breaking the silence, I said, “Take time to really savor this experience!  Relish it!  Recognize it for what it is.  Your life exceeding your dreams!”

We are living finite lives.  Not one of us will live forever.  Wouldn’t it be a shame to let our personal miracles, living our dreams, pass by without even the slightest acknowledgement, appreciation, or cherishing a sense of accomplishment?

Dreaming is not uncommon.

Living your dream is uncommon.

“What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?”

Savor this experience!  Relish it!  Recognize it for what it is; living your dream!

Giving Up

“You have to choose a few things, sacrifice everything else, and deal with the inevitable sense of loss that results.” – Sylvia Keesmaat

Giving up

“I remember being in my office late one night.  It was around 11:30 pm and I had just ended a phone call.  It was a call that informed me that the transaction I’d been working on, fretting over, and losing sleep over had just failed.  With the touch of my finger I ended the call.  Then I slumped forward, placed my hands under my head and felt a rush of relief.  I was so tired!  I was grateful to have this transaction fail!”  Sara Devereaux said as we talked.

It was a memorable conversation.  Perhaps it was so memorable because many of us can relate to this feeling.  It is a feeling that is best described as living in the land between.

The land between is a place where one is living an overwhelmed life.  A life filled with seeking as many efficiencies and conveniences as possible; a life of pursuing achievement.  It can often also be described as living with undermined meaning.

Sylvia Keesmaat decided to follow a hunch that her overwhelmed life, necessitated by a never-ending need for more and more efficiencies, could come to an end, so she abandoned her full-time university position in Toronto. Then she moved with her husband and children to a farm to a different kind a land between.  It was a farm in an area of Ontario known as the “Land Between.”  It is a place where each winter day begins by lighting a fire that will warm their farmhouse and provide heat for cooking.

I’m not saying that such a lifestyle change is superior to the kind with central heating, takeout food and twice-daily commutes.  And, not everyone has the option of chasing Sylvia’s chosen path. Yet, I am trying to point out that she made this choice because she decided to make time for what matters to her.  In order to do so she had to give things up.

“You have to choose a few things, sacrifice everything else, and deal with the inevitable sense of loss that results.” Sylvia said.

In this sense, giving up doesn’t mean quitting.  It means the opposite. It means you have to choose a few things and sacrifice everything else.  It means to stop living in the land between; a place where you’re continually overwhelmed by even the smallest of tasks so you can be filled up.  Filled up with meaning and joy.  And, there is an art to living life, by giving up.  

Here is my attempt at painting such a life “by the numbers.”

First. Stop imagining that you will find room for everything important.  The vast majority of time management and self-help experts focus on fitting more and more in.  But, your time, and mine, are finite.  It is an inescapable reality.  We all have to choose what we will do with our time.

Second. Our time, and what we choose to do with it, is what defines us.  I remember one particular day, a pivotal moment, when I looked sheepishly at Sara and tied to excuse a lack of action with the comment, “I just didn’t have time to do it.”  Then I was immediately embarrassed because I knew I wasn’t telling the truth.  The truth was that I had decided that what I told her I would do was not as important as the other tasks I had chosen to complete.  She knew it and I knew it.  I made a vow to myself, at that moment, to stop living in such a duplicitous manner.

Third. Start living genuinely.  We all make hundreds of small choices throughout each day.  At the same time, we’re building a life.  Each small choice begins closing off the possibilities of countless other choices, forever.  Our lives, even the very best lives we could ever imagine, are a never-ending opportunity to wave goodbye to other possibilities as we usher in new, carefully selected, genuine possibilities.

Angela Dodson, my beloved coach, says, “We all make progress one decision at a time.”

Sara Devereaux taught a valuable lesson about the power of making one good decision at a time when she said. “I remember being in my office late one night.  It was around 11:30 pm and I had just ended a phone call.  It was a call that informed me that the transaction I’d been working on, fretting over, and losing sleep over had just failed.  With the touch of my finger I ended the call.  Then I slumped forward, placed my hands under my head and felt a rush of relief.  I was so tired!  I was grateful to have this transaction fail!”

It was a memorable conversation.  Perhaps it was so memorable because so many of us can relate to this feeling.  It is a feeling that is best described as living in the land between. The land between is a place where one is living an overwhelmed life.  It can often also be additionally described as living with undermined meaning.

We can all live a life of deeper meaning by choosing a few things and sacrificing everything else; giving up, one decision at a time.

“To the person who does not know where he wants to go there is no favorable wind.” – Seneca

What’s Inside

Kery, a Client Advisor for Lexus, can tell you everything you need to know about driving and operating a car.  He understands every part of each of the vehicles he represents.  And, he has a distinctive understanding of the most important component of driving forward successfully.  His most significant skill is his understanding of the human element of driving, as anyone who has spent a little personal time with him will tell you. It’s a skill he began to refine very early in life and he’s enhanced it continually throughout his more than fifty years of living.

“I grew up with a single mother.” Kery Spinabella said.  “She became disabled just after she turned eighteen as a result of being in a chemical fire that burned a large portion of her body while she was working.”

Yet, his mother, despite her difficult physical challenges, raised four children successfully and lived well past the life expectancy projections provided to her by numerous attending physicians. Rather than living a short life of less than thirty years she lived to an age of seventy-two, while raising four children and acting as a positive model for her subsequent grandchildren too.

“I have one brother and two sisters.  We all learned important life lessons as a result of what some would consider disadvantaged circumstances.”  Kary explained, just before he went on to verbally illustrate a course that everyone can follow to drive their way forward, toward positive living.

The road you started on isn’t the road you need to stay on.  “I’m grateful for everything my mother did for me!  I will always admire her.  And, I learned to use my early life as an inspiration to become more.”  Kary said of how important it is to understand the benefits of using a rearview mirror in combination with a windshield.

A windshield gives you a good view of forward-facing options.  Ambition, which is a strong internal desire to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work, seems to act as a windshield wiper, in that it allows you to have a clear vision of where you want to go.

Seneca, a Roman Stoic philosopher famously illustrated this principle by teaching, “To the person who does not know where he wants to go there is no favorable wind.”

Hard work with vision, driving-force, is what will allow you to move forward, as if compelled by a favorable wind.  Without such initiative one may as well be trying to drive blindly-forward while looking solely at their rearview mirror.  Such “rear-viewing” people seem to label those who use their individual driving-force to obtain positive progress as purely lucky in life.  While never expressing gratitude for what they, themselves have.

“It’s important to cherish and hold the principle of gratitude as essentially fundamental.”  Kery explains.  “After all, it is always easy to see that there others who have more than you do!  That kind of focus leads people to suffer from ‘glare syndrome.’ It’s like driving your car while having the sun shine so directly, brightly, that you can no longer see the road ahead clearly.  If the glare is strong enough it consumes all energy just to eke your way forward. When that happens, you can’t even attempt to see any surrounding beauty because you become paralyzed by the fear of what could lie ahead.”  

Holding on to an inner attitude of gratitude is like wearing the best polarizing sunglasses ever made.  Gratitude, like those sunglasses, will keep your eyes from being burned, damaged beyond repair and permanently disabled.

“I grew up with a single mother.” Kery shared.  “She became disabled just after she turned eighteen as a result of being in a chemical fire that burned a large portion of her body while she was working.”  Living with such a strong, loving, giving woman and family, in his early life, allowed Kery to cultivate a unique and distinctive understanding of the most important principles of driving toward positive living.

It is what’s inside that counts!

Peace Offering

 

“Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind.  To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy is to have the real spirit of Christmas.” – Calvin Coolidge

Peace Offering

“I was out of money!”  Sharon said.  “So, I went to a business, I owed money to, so I could tell them I didn’t have enough funds to pay them right now.  I was hoping they would give me more time to get them their money.”

What happened to Sharon while in that same store surprised and touched her.  The man behind the counter pulled out his wallet and handed her some of his own money saying, “I hope this helps” while offering Sharon Newton a heartfelt-gift. Such offered, voluntary compassion to another, unknown person, brings to mind a statement once made by Calvin Coolidge.

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind.  To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy is to have the real spirit of Christmas.”

Oliver Burkeman, author of “Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals” wrote about this very same type of personalized giving by counseling everyone to “see that preparing nutritious meals for your children might matter as much as anything could ever matter, even if you won’t be winning any cooking awards; or that your novel’s worth writing if it moves or entertains a handful of your contemporaries, even though you know you’re no Tolstoy; or that virtually any career might be a worthwhile way to spend a working life if it makes things slightly better for those it serves.”

Sharon has always been believed in following such a path of service in life.  She made it her life’s work as teacher of language to children for her entire career.  And now, even though she’s retired from professional teaching, her commitment to blessing lives, one by one, has not waned in the slightest; as witnessed by one of her friend’s again just days ago.

Sharon wanted to give a holiday gift to her friend, even as her finances were wearing thin.  She’s been giving of herself for so long that it didn’t take her but mere moments to decide how to express her love to this friend.  Here’s how her friend described Sharon’s offering of affection.

“I went to visit Sharon to make sure all was well.  I also wanted to give her a small Christmas gift and wish her all my best.  She’s always doing so much for the children she volunteers to teach.  But, just after I offered my small token to her she touched my heart by giving me something precious.  A gift which was truly from her heart.”

Upon Sharon’s graceful reception of her friend’s gift she proffered a boxed gift of her own to her friend, saying, “I wanted to give you something special.  I’ve been collecting these over the years and they’re dear to me.  Just like you are.”

The gift Sharon gave her friend was more than just the annually collected, china ornaments contained in the box.  She was offering a portion of herself, plenteous mercy, goodwill as well as the cherished peace obtainable only through heartfelt friendship.

“I was out of money!”  Sharon said to a group of her friends at a cordial gathering.  “So, I went to a business, I owed money to, and told them I didn’t have the funds to pay them right now.  I was hoping they would give me more time to get them their money.”

What happened to Sharon while in that same store surprised and touched her.  The man behind the counter pulled out his wallet and handed her some of his own money saying, “I hope this helps” while offering Sharon Newton a heartfelt-gift. 

Such voluntary compassion given freely by both this unknown man and Sharon are validations of their conviction and commitment to establish peace on earth.

No one is meant to go through this life alone.  Just imagine if everyone continually gave offerings of peace, just as Sharon and the giving-man behind the counter.

Silver Linings

The silvery tree discovered on an early November morning.

Silver Linings

The dim light of early morning was interrupted by the silvery frame of an almost leafless tree standing alone in the center of a green-space island.  Its bright-white-outline captured my sight immediately.  But, the striking color of the trunk and branches weren’t what kept my interest riveted there.

My eyes followed the arching curve of the tree’s life-story telling, gnarly branches.  “This tree has been through a lot!”  I thought as I studied its unique, illuminous shape.  “Yet, it maintains a striking stature and color.  It depicts the living of life focused on silver linings.”

Its silvery color causes it stand out from the trees in the small forest just across the road.  At one time there were also likely other trees surrounding this iconic tree.  That was before the business park, in which it now lives, was constructed.  Those other trees as all gone, but this one was deemed special, different from the others.  So, it was preserved, I imagine.  It is a piece of living art.

The art of living is something I think about a lot.  Because, a human life, like the life of a tree can take all types of twists and turns.  And, the way a person perceives his or her own storyline is what yields the possibility of turning the commonplace into something of striking beauty or ugliness. It is a comparative story of how one chooses between artfully living a life filled with silver linings, or living a dreary existence as though sentenced to a life filled with sadness and despair.  It is a decision of branching and trajectory.

The measure of a full tree, just like one’s life, can’t be wholly viewed by looking at one single branch.  It must be taken in, whole.  That’s not always easy when life gets busy and you lose your focus on who you want to be.  To do so one must take the time to step out of the current circumstance, once in a while, and complete the exercise of viewing one’s life in its entirety; as if it is a story being acted out in front of an observer.  If done, you and I will be able to see things in a whole new light.

One friend, now a retired attorney, told me that once he completed this rehearsal of individual storytelling, he could see that even the hard times he had faced during his life had turned out to be valuable, exceptional, focused periods of growth.  “I had never thought of my trials as being really great experiences before.  Now I view them as silver linings in my life!  I can see them as opportunities which created beautiful, gnarly branches of character that have given my life added interest and reward.”  He added with a sparkle in his eyes that seemed to make his entire countenance glow.

As he spoke to me, just two hours after I discovered the silvery tree, I could see that his inner glow was all the more visible because of his decision to allow the dead leaves of his past, potential distractions, to fall away.  I could see his strong trunk and gnarled, artfully curving branches spreading out, on full silvery-display, as a result.

My early morning errand had been punctuated by the silvery frame of an almost leafless tree standing alone in the center of a green-space island.  Its bright-white-outline captured my sight immediately and pushed the dim of early morning’s light to illumination though its majestic glow.  But, the striking color of the trunk and branches weren’t what kept my interest riveted there.

My eyes followed the arching curve of the tree’s life-storytelling-trunk and gnarly branches.  “This tree has been through a lot!”  I thought as I studied its unique, illuminous shape.  “Yet, it exhibits a striking stature and color.  It depicts the living of life focused on silver linings.”  Just like my friend’s echoed rehearsal of his own experience.

Both, the tree and the man, resonated a tale of how the hard times you and I will surely face during our lives will turn into valuable, exceptional, focused periods of growth if we will choose to view them through a view trained on seeing the accompanying silver linings!

In the Mirror

“Find a safe place and give yourself permission to heal.” – Christine Hanson

In the Mirror

“I was there!”  Christine Hanson explained.  “When I looked in my own mirror I no longer recognized myself.”

That reflective moment was when Christine knew she had to do something different.  But, she knew she needed to do more than simply change the outward expression of her life.  She needed to rediscover who she was.  The real her.

“I needed to find that person I was on the inside again!  Not Christine the business owner.  Not Christine the boss.  Not even the version of Christine as a daughter or friend.  I needed to reconnect with myself deeply.”

So, she asked herself two questions.  First.  Do I need to do something different?  Second.  What will allow me to feel like me again?  Her answer to these two questions was really the beginning of a four-month journey outside of the mirror.

“Answering the first question was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done!  After all, I had to walk into my business, the one I created, and tell everyone there, who depended on me, that I was leaving!  I knew there were far more people who would be affected by my decision to leave the mirror behind than those directly in my employ.  They all had loved ones who depended on them.  It was important for me to move forward carefully, in a nondestructive way!”

That’s why she met privately with her personal assistant.  They talked and worked together to set up a solid plan to ensure they could keep the business operating successfully without having the founder anywhere in sight.  Not just off site, but completely absent for the coming months.

“I’ll never forget the look on my assistant’s face as I told her that I was leaving to ride a motorcycle across South America for the next four months!”

With the initial shock behind them, Christine and her assistant completed their planning phase.  Then Christine cut the cord, so to speak.  She handed her assistant her cell phone and her keys, gave her a heartfelt thank you and climbed on her motorcycle to hit the open road.

Paving the way for her journey was key.  She had to be willing to adjust her life so she could become free to explore. After that, her plan was to simply ride.  No daily schedule.  No list of things to do.  No phone.  No email.  No communication with her life back in the “mirror of the real world.”

“I had to give myself permission to disconnect!”  Christine explains.  “Disconnecting allowed me to understand that you cannot give what you don’t have!”

She was running on empty; on the inside.  The intention of her adventure was simple.

Heal.

Christine realized that she could only heal from the inside out and that in order to stay healthy after her trip she would need to change habits that hadn’t been serving her own best interest.  Here are two new important habits of healing she discovered through her journey and is now vigilant about keeping in place.

Focus on your surroundings.  

1. Make sure to surround yourself with joy.

2. Select friends who are a reflection of who you are. 

3. Stay focused on what really matters to you. 

4. Know that where you are today, this very moment, is just fine.  

5. Enjoy the ride!

Love who you are.

1. Give yourself recognition for doing the best you can do.

2. Allow for flexibility in every aspect of your life.

3. Be “life-wise” by living in the present and having a short memory.

4. Find a safe place and give yourself permission to heal.

“Before instituting these two habits of healing I was there!”  Christine Hanson said.  “When I looked in my own mirror I no longer recognized myself.”

Who’s reflection are you and I seeing in the mirror today?

Defy Gravity

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” – Sydney J. Harris

Defy Gravity

The received photo was of a beautiful scene.  It was also a description of regret and promise.

Regret because it was a solid reminder that summer was over.  The season had turned to fall.  Yellow, gold and green foliage burst beneath an azure blue sky with a double dose of color.  Double because the colors also reflected off of the water which lapped near the roots of the showy trees.  Some leaves were drifting from lofty heights toward the ground and water below as if to speak as a hint.  While the season was still solidly in the middle of fall, winter was surely coming soon and there was a tinge of regret for things undone during the summer.

It had been a wonderful summer.  Yet, the scene captured in the photo brought to mind a quote from Sydney J. Harris.  “Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”

The enjoyment of summer’s pleasure was at an end to be sure.  Outdoor swimming pools were now closed.  Romantic sidewalk cafes were no longer offered as a rendezvous place with loved ones.  And, picnics spread under tall trees on the comfort of green grass are now at pause.  Of course, you and I enjoyed these activities, but never enough.  Hence, inconsolability.  And, the bright, colorful leaves floating on the crisp air were also speaking of promise.

Holly Mabery, who was speaking to me just yesterday of eating the frogs of life first, also spoke of such promise as my mind was floating between the photo’s images of fall foliage and our conversation about how to change one’s relationship to gravity.  “We don’t rise to the level of our goals, but fall to the level of our habits.”  She said.

Habits, like the changing seasons most often continue with hardly a thought.  Still, there are some common reminders to remind us that one isn’t necessarily bound to them as if by gravitational force.  New Year’s resolutions are one seemingly universal example.  Of such, Holly paused in her speaking, just before she asked me an important question.

“Why wait for a specific moment to make a change?  You have the power to make the change in this moment.”

We are what we repeatedly do.  Our lives are but a collection of our own repetitively.  So, how do we live a life filled with less regret?  How do you and I exit the gravitational pull of wrote, reactionary living?  We simply choose to defy gravity.

Defying gravity could also be characterized as living life with our desired ending in mind.  And, just like there are seasonal stages, there are distinct stages in defying gravity.

Master. Mentor. Make a difference.

First, master the art of caring for people.  Putting people first is the greatest attribute of leadership. This is demonstrated by showing others that you want them to succeed as much as you want to succeed yourself.

Second, mentor others, where ever you are.  Actively reach out to the people you live and work with. Make a point of passing what you’ve learned personally and professionally on to them.

Third, make a difference by creating a thoughtful legacy plan.  Ask yourself, “How do I want to be remembered?”  Then, go out every day and create new habits, habits that will accumulate to create the person you’ve dreamt of becoming.

The dreamy photo I received electronically was of a beautiful fall scene; one to be remembered for sure.  It was also a vision of regret and promise.

Regret because it was a solid reminder that summer was over.  The season had turned to fall.  Yellow, gold and green foliage burst beneath an azure blue sky with a double dose of color.  Double because the colors also reflected off of the water which lapped near the roots of the showy trees.  Gravity was causing some leaves to drift from lofty heights toward the ground and water below as if to speak as a hint.  While the season was still solidly in the middle of fall, winter was surely coming soon and there was a tinge of regret for things undone during the summer.  And, just like there are seasonal stages, there are distinct stages in defying gravity.

Master, Mentor. Make a difference.  Defy gravity!

Billows

“I wanted to give you an update, but I am actually going to make it detailed because there is no way you could dream up and write this story!” – Dan Nichols

 

Billows

There are times in life when a person is tested and stressed to the extreme.  It happens to every one of us at one time or another.  It’s a time when the billows, used as part of life’s refining process, are blowing seemingly insurmountable problems, continually.  This just happens to be one of those exceptional times for Dan.  Here’s part of his story.  A story about the refining process he’s been experiencing over the past 10 days.

“My mom calls me at 4:30 a.m. letting me know she has called 911, as my dad says he can’t breathe. I rush to their home which is 8 miles away and take him to the ER. After most of the day he is admitted to ICU and spends the next 8 days, mostly in ICU dealing with some kind of infection in his lungs. As you all know, my mom is on hospice and unable to walk. We have help for her in the mornings from hospice and then an aid, that we pay for, during the day until 3 p.m. This means I need to balance dealing with him in the hospital and my mom’s needs at their home in the afternoons, evenings and night. I am used to doing a lot of this already, but normally I only need to be there between 6 – 9 p.m. to help with dinner and get her to bed.”  Dan starts. 

Dan’s feelings are the most recognizable part, as he starts his story; more than his circumstances.  That’s because his expressed feelings are just like yours and mine.  After all, who hasn’t been faced with times when they feel “like too little butter spread over too much toast?”  And, while the causes and situations of human tests and stresses vary, you and I can relate to Dan’s current circumstance and see how it sheds light on how such trials can enhance us, as if we’re jointly going through a refining process; the proverbial “refining pot” as described in many ancient texts.

As he continues, one can almost hear the refiner’s-billows, as if they’re blowing his story forward and breathing it deep into the human chest.

“After a few days, my dad is discharged from the hospital.  I pick him up, but he’s still weak and his legs are clearly getting weaker. I get him home in the late afternoon and get him settled in a chair. Then, I get my mom settled for the night and head home for the first time in over a week. Not long after arriving at my home I get a call from my dad at 10 p.m.  He says that he’s struggling to breathe, so I head back over to his house. I get him in bed and comfortable after a while, then I head back home at about 11:30 p.m. and try and settle myself in for the night.  At 1:45 a.m. my cell rings and it is my dad again; he has fallen and is tangled in his walker and can’t even get to a sitting position. So, I rush over and help untangle him from the walker and then drag him a little so I can get him into a better position on the floor. That’s when I call the paramedics so they can help me get him up from the floor (my back is so bad from trying to help lift the two of them over the years that I can’t do much to help anymore).”

Dan’s voice continues to act as billows to guide more reminders into the heart.  It delivers another prompt.  Extreme heat separates embedded impurities from what is precious. It allows impurities to be removed.  It makes the precious more valuable.

“This is refining Dan!”  Is the message billowed forward, as he continued his story.  “His heart is becoming more purified through this experience!”

“The next day, Dad is pretty out of it, so I come over to help with mom, before I head over to the University so I can go to a much-anticipated football game.  I’m enjoying the game right up to halftime, about 10 p.m. That’s when I get a call from my mom that dad has fallen again and is on the floor in the hall, bleeding!”  Dan says.

The refining billows are saying, wise people recognize, that just like crisis and opportunity, stress and growth are interdependent. Avoid one and you miss the other.

Another gust pushes through the refining-bellows whispering more of Dan’s seemingly “bad” news.

“The bad news?” I think, “is you can’t always control the timing, intensity or duration of personal external stressors. Stuff happens! Often without much warning.” Dan says as if adding illustration to his story.  “The best you can do is to stay prepared and approach adversity with realism and resolve.  That means confronting the brutal facts and then going to work.”

“The good news?”  Dan says as he pushes forward with the telling of his story, “Is that you and I can make controlled-use of difficult life experiences.  We just have to understand the refining process and what it does for us!”  

Here’s how Dan is getting through his personalized refining experience.

Dan knows who he really is.  His core value and motivation are centered in love.  So, even when he doesn’t think he can take it anymore, he can keep going.  Because knowing who he really is, where he’s headed and what’s important in his life has given him clarity. Even when the smoke blown from refining-billows has become thick and confounding.

Dan’s clarity motivates consistency and persistent action, while navigating the inevitable ups downs he’s facing as a result of his mom and dad’s age and health issues.  His clarity, based on his core value of love, keeps him on track when exhaustion, distractions and temptations could otherwise threaten to derail him.

There are times in life when a person is tested and stressed to the extreme.  It happens to every one of us at one time or another.  It’s a time when the refining-billows, used as part of life’s purifying process, are blowing seemingly insurmountable problems continually.  This just happens to be one of those times for Dan Nichols.

It’s also a time when his goodness is being drawn out, so it can come to the surface.  His impurities are being pushed aside.  

Now, he has a more purified heart.  A heart that’s being refined into pure gold.