“This is a direct result of my team’s lack of communication!” – Tony Westerberg

Talent for Communication

“I’ve been building the wrong financial model this whole time!”  Tony Westerberg exclaimed toward the end of a long, long conference call.  “I’ve never been in a meeting where our desired partners are so angry with us before.  This is a direct result of my team’s lack of communication!”

The meeting we were in was coming to an end after a long four hours.  I dragged my right hand through the hair on my tired, hurting head.  Tony’s statement was progress enough for the moment.  And, it pushed me toward the recollection of another hard moment in which my ability to communication was also deficient.

It was in 2015.  My father, Paul Butterfield, was lying in a care facility bed before me.  He was dying.  His eyes were open and he was trying to communicate.  He just couldn’t.  Neither could I!  It was a moment of frustration until a hospice worker walked in and changed the room.

She had a bright, cheery demeanor from the moment she came through the door.  Upon entering, she walked right to my Dad’s side and took his hand, while looking deeply into his eyes.  His response was immediate and telling.

“Oh my,” I said to myself in amazement.  “I can see their communication.  His eyes have brightened and he’s understanding a meaning far beyond the words she’s speaking to him!”

I watched their interaction in awe.  He abilities were both instinctive and verbal.  She seemed to know exactly what he was thinking.  She knew how to soothe his yearning soul in an all-embracing manner.  She had a talent for communication that I’d never imagined to be possible.  And, because it was foreign to me, it was also personally impossible during this significant, life culminating moment.

She is, perhaps, the greatest of the two best communicators I’ve ever personally met in my life.  The other, Ronald Reagan, was much more famous.  Yet, her work is, in many ways, more vital.  Because, while in terms of fortune and fame its rewards are meager compared to those proffered to the “leader of the free world,” her communication skills touch people more deeply, because her compassion and caring are freely given on a one-to-one basis.  She communicates in and out of pure love.

“Communicating in and out of pure love!”  I thought much later, a day later, “is still a valuable and much needed talent.”  It was a consideration that allowed the memory of the conference call with Tony and others to morph.  

That singular variation in thought began to work its own specific magic.  It was as if that one particular caregiver had opened another door and was standing as an example by my side for the continuing calls I was involved in with Tony’s team on that day, and the next.

“I’ve been building the wrong financial model this whole time!”  Tony Westerberg exclaimed toward the end of a previous long, long conference call.  “I’ve never been in a meeting where our desired partners are so angry with us before.  This is a direct result my team’s lack of communication!”

Because that one particular caregiver was, emblematically, communicating with me for the after calls and is remaining, in the front of my heart, for those to come.  My ability to communicate is improving, becoming a talent.

Hopefully, I, and all of us, will continue to progress toward offering our own particular, peculiar, talent for communication; one based in compassion and caring, freely given to others on a one-to-one basis.

“The best way to heal a broken heart is to love something new.” – Shelly Dahl

Renewal

“Our dog, Molly, died about three weeks ago. And I just about crawled in the grave with her.” Shelly Dahl said.  Then, without a hitch, she continued.  “But alas, the best way to heal a broken heart is to love something new.”  And, she sent me a photo of her two-days-ago something new.

“She’s the same kind of dog as Molly and oh so sweet.”  Shelly mooned.  “We named her Maggie.”  The two of them have coalesced to renewed Shelly’s broken heart.

There are many ways in which a person’s heart can be broken.  In fact, there are seemingly an infinite number of ways, over a lifetime, in which to become troubled in both spirit and heart. And, here are a few things that Shelly, over the course of our long association, has taught me about how to seek and receive relief by dynamically seeking renewal.

First, recognize that life is characterized by constant change.  This change can come in many forms; activity, progress, decline, etc.  Living is synonymous with change.  There is no way to avoid it.  And through it all, I’ve watched Shelly and her family focus on looking forward by planning, as best they can, for events they’re able to anticipate.

Second, it’s impossible to anticipate every change that can affect your life.  Sometimes events can seemingly come as a complete surprise.  There is no way to fully anticipate some life-events.  This kind of thing has beset the Dahls on several occasions while I’ve known them.  During such times they’ve always slowed down, gathered information and then spent essential time to plan a new pathway forward.  There have been times when this process has taken them a great deal more time than anticipated.  That’s an oft used portrayal of time.

Third, understand the nature of time.  Time is more than a unit of measurement.  It’s also a tool, an apparatus, used to require persistent change.  When understood and used as such, time will always open a path for a person to become unstuck, to leave painful moments behind.  And, wielding it so is always a personal choice; such as welcoming in a means to heal a broken heart by offering love to someone or something new, while still holding love in your heart for someone or something that has passed.

Finally, allow your heart to hold on to your Mollies while letting the trivial and invaluable to flitter away vis-a-vis the relentless flight of time.

“Our dog, Molly, died about three weeks ago. And I just about crawled in the grave with her.” Shelly said.  Then she continued.  “But alas, the best way to heal a broken heart is to love something new.”  And, she sent me a photo of her two-days-ago something new.

“She’s is the same kind of dog as Molly and oh so sweet.”  Shelly mooned.  “We named her Maggie.”  And, Maggie has indeed renewed Shelly’s broken heart, in a way that personifies the marvel and possibility of renewal, which is available to all.

May we all find our Maggie when we need them!

“He stops to look around to see why.”

Harry’s Wheel of Reason

My dog, Harry Pupper, has a problem.  It’s me!  You know the saying.  “There are no bad dogs, just bad owners.”  That is a perfect description of our relationship.

Oh.  Don’t get me wrong.  We have a wonderful, loving relationship.  Except when he exhibits poor social skills.

He is strong willed. It could be said that this is, perhaps most of the time, one of his greatest character traits. Yet, there are times when he just can’t seem to help himself and that’s not a good thing.  He barks incessantly at people when they walk or drive by, and wants to give chase.  Often times, it’s all I can do to keep him at bay and I regularly struggle to keep my hand attached to the handle of his leash, while walking together each morning.  So, I decided it was time to become a more responsible owner by teaching him new habits.

As a person approaches us I say, “Off the road.”  Then, we step aside to let them pass.

The next command I give him before our neighbor passes is, “quiet.”  That is supposed to be his prompt to sit quietly as the car or person passes.

We’ve been working on this for months now.  Gladly, sometimes he’s been pretty good about it.  Other times he’s not.  So, I decided to increase our practice when there was nothing tempting him.  That’s when something else about Harry was revealed.  Harry has an internal, mental, wheel-of-reason that turns in his mind!

“Off the road.”

“Quiet.”

Harry hears and looks one way.  Then he looks the other way.  He pauses.  He looks back the other direction.  He sees nothing!  So, he thinks!  He wonders!  I can see the wheels turning in his mind.  When he sees no valid reason to get off the road and be quiet, he chooses to do neither!

“There are no bad dogs, just bad owners.”  I say to myself, as I watch Harry make his clear, reasoned choice. 

That’s the moment I realized, “Harry and I are more alike than I had ever imagined!”  And, while maddening, when he does that, it has allowed me to comprehend that, like my best friend, I’m the owner of my own choices.  It’s just that I hadn’t thought of the way my sometimes-poor reasoning has doggedly-delayed my personal development before.  The way my own mental wheel-of-reasoning can turn short at times. In other words, just because I look around, see nothing and then check by looking the other way as well, doesn’t mean my own wheel-of-reason will travel the distance to the ultimate benefit of long-term wellbeing.  Just like Harry.

My dog, Harry Pupper, and I have a behavior problem.  Perhaps that famous saying should be, “There are no bad people or dogs, just poor reasoning skills.”  That is a perfect description of how similar Harry and I are.

Oh.  Don’t get me wrong.  Harry and I have a wonderful, loving relationship.  Except when we chose to limit the travel of our personal wheels-of-reason.

We’re both strong willed. It could be said that this is, perhaps most of the time, one of our greatest character traits. Yet, there are times when we just can’t seem to help ourselves and that isn’t a good thing.  We bark incessantly, and want to give chase toward not-so-good choices, even though we’re working to keep ourselves bound to a path of maximum personal and societal benefit.  

So, I’ve decided its time to become a more responsible owner, driver of my own wheel-of-reason.

Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks!

“Don’t be embarrassed by your failures, learn from them and start again.” – Richard Branson

Belly Flop

On a bright, early morning walk along a rectangular-stone-lined stream there was one large distraction.  A belly flopping turtle.

I’m not sure if Harry Pupper heard and saw the belly flop before I did.  Perhaps my uncertainty is due to my head swiveling around so fast.  But, which of us was first doesn’t matter, because it was a first in another way.

It was the first time we had ever seen a common snapping turtle fall from a stone ledge, to complete a successful belly flop, into the flowing stream about three feet below.  It was a large turtle too; about fifteen inches in size.  So, there was a big splashing sound to match the look of astonishment on our faces.

Because our faces we glued to the scene we wanted to see the outcome, so Harry and I rushed over to see if the prehistoric looking, shell-bound creature needed assistance.  Once we reached the edge of the ledge we looked at the turtle bounce along the watery bottom for a skip or two before it righted itself to focus on starting its continual food-driven quest for aquatic animals and insects, sprinkled with light vegetation.  Even with its presumably humiliating flop, it simply started moving forward with its life again.

Harry soon lost interest because of the turtle’s immediate return to normality, even with the surrounding turbulence of the flowing water still buffeting it.  He focused on the sound of the trickling water and the smell of the adorning, stream and stone edged grass.  But, I heard an additional sound.

It was the distinctive voice of Sir Richard Branson, in my memory, saying, “Don’t be embarrassed by your failures, learn from them and start again.”

Some would say that common snapping turtles move slowly.  Yet, this one was a quick study of such advice.  This turtle’s “Guide to Completing a Successful Belly Flop” has now been etched upon my sometimes-hard-shelled head.

Don’t despair. Even when onlookers see you perform a belly flop, rather than the perfect swan dive you had planned, don’t drown in hopelessness.  Let the memory of their observation simply wash off your back. Then, take the few remaining bumps along the bottom and immediately begin to move forward as if nothing happened.

Still your embarrassment. Take a small moment to note the lessons you’ve learned from the failure, so you can allow its schooling to help create your envisioned future.

Finally.  Remember the benefits of resilience. Continued action, the act of resilience itself, is the key to being able to swim forward toward certain, awaiting bright-success.

On a bright, illuminating, early morning walk, along a rectangular-stone-lined stream there was one large distraction.  A belly flopping turtle.

I’m not sure if Harry Pupper heard and saw the belly flop before I did.  Perhaps my uncertainty is due to my head swiveling around so fast.  But, which of us was first doesn’t matter because it was a first in another way.

It was the first time a common snapping turtle presented a “Guide to Completing a Successful Belly Flop” to us.   Its fall from a stone ledge was a real-world demonstration of stilling embarrassment, leaving despair behind and acting with resilience.

Will you be as fast as a turtle to start again?

“Find something that will allow you to spend individual time with them.” – Judy Jacks

Impact

“It’s your biggest opportunity to make a positive impact on the world.”  Judy Jacks said.

Then she went on to handover some of her best strategies, best research, best tactics for making the largest impact possible as she stood in my office.  She had been invited to come.  But, not for this reason.

Judy isn’t a world-renowned expert in personal or business relations.  She isn’t a famous strategist.  She isn’t even a personal coach.  She’s a great grandmother.

A continuing desire to be a great, very good, grandmother and grandfather was reason enough for Judy and Jerry Jacks to recently change their entire life by moving across the United States to another state and community.  They did so because all of their children were grown and had left the state in which they had lived for more than forty years.

“I was spending a lot of time talking with my grand and great grandchildren through video calls.  It was wonderful, but it wasn’t enough! In order to make an impact you have to find something that will allow you to spend personal, individual time with them in the flesh!”

She went on to say that it’s the only way to have the biggest impact possible.

“It isn’t enough to have them run up to greet you and then have them run off to play.  You need to have one-on-one interaction and explore what they’re doing now, as well as their hopes and dreams.”  Then she unveiled, what I call, Judy’s Four Steps for Impact.

Provide.  It is essential to understand each child’s strengths and weaknesses.  Then you need to provide them with everything they need to feel secure in their abilities.

Teach.  Personal security only comes and grows one day at a time.  As your loved-one faces challenges there will be times when they no longer feel secure.  Teaching them to expect this is essential.  Then you need to be there with them with continued teaching.  Show them they can depend on you, always.

Spend Time.  Even though you can’t be there with them all of the time, you can be there for them on a regular basis.  Having a set tradition helps with this.  Judy likes to have small traditions, such as “Perfect Pizza Night.”  That’s a time when she has a grandchild, who loves to cook, join her in the kitchen every first Sunday each month.  On this day, they craft home-made pizzas.  Most of all, they talk.  She supports.  She listens.  She teaches.  She loves.

Allow them to face “teaching” hardships.  Hardships can be life’s greatest teaching moments.  But, only if you allow people the opportunity to struggle.  Be there for them.  Let them know you love them.  Show them you have faith in their ability to overcome.  Starting on this path at their earliest age is like letting them build, one block at a time.  Soon they’ll have created a fortress of personal strength and character.

“It’s your biggest opportunity to make a positive impact on the world.”  Judy Jacks said.

Then she went on to handover some of her best strategies, best research, best tactics for making the largest impact possible as she stood in my office.  She had been invited to come.  But, not for this reason.

No.  She had come to make an impact!

“They gave me a box of pantyhose.” – Donna Sansbury

From Ashes

“They gave me a box of pantyhose.”  Donna Sansbury said.  “I could only drive five miles at a time, then I’d have to stop to remove the panty hose, from covering the air filter in my car, and replace it with one from the box, before I could drive forward.”

Donna’s father was ill when Mount St. Helens erupted.  She was living in the Tri-Cities, Washington then.  Her mother, grandmother and father were living deeper in the ash cloud than she was, so she went to bring them out to where their health would be less compromised.

“When I got there my mother and grandmother would not leave.  They were afraid of leaving their home under the ash.”  Donna continued.

She explained.  Volcano ash isn’t like smoke.  It is more like gravel raining from the sky.  It’s heavy.  That meant that her mother needed to climb up on the roof of their home and other outbuildings to shovel the ash off or the buildings may have collapsed under the weight.  It was a time of emergency, trial and darkness.

“It was a dark time.  In fact, the ash cloud made the daytime as dark as midnight!” Donna expanded.

And, that falling ash wasn’t the only trail the people of the region had been facing.  The Tri-Cities area was known for growing some of the best apples in the world.  Yet, over the few years prior to the eruption apple quality had waned.

“The soil had become too saline.  So much so that it began to negatively affect plant growth, resulting in reduced crop yield and even plant death under the severe conditions.”  Donna explained.  “The ground around the apple trees was cracked and a white salt border surrounded each crack.  Even the once lush grass in our yards turned brown and died!”

Then her eyes brightened as she explained what wonderous things happened after the ash had fallen.

“The ash delivered new alkalinity to the soil.  It counteracted the saline conditions and soon the apples were beautiful and flavorful again!  Our lawns were suddenly lush once more.  And, a new industry was born; pottery from volcano ash.  Increased quality of life arose from the ashes of disaster!” Donna brightly revealed.

She knows quite a bit more about struggling with adversity as well.  She’s fought cancer on at least two occasions.  And, during each battle she’s focused on the good she knows will, with certainty, arise from facing and overcoming tragedy.

“Difficulty creates great character and exceptional people!”  Donna reminds everyone who is struggling through personal challenge.  “It’s the ash that acts as unexpected nourishment!”

“They gave me a box of pantyhose to counter falling ash.”  Donna Sansbury said.  “I could only drive five miles at a time, then I’d have to stop to remove the panty hose, from covering the air filter in my car, and replace it with one from the box before I could drive forward. Ash-filled pantyhose is heavy!”

Knowing that ash-filled-times are a forerunner of more than just a bleak and heavy burden can help you and me during dark times, as we struggle forward.  After all, Donna has been through volcanic ash clouds and cancer to become a model of how facing and subjugating darkness can pave the way for enhanced living.

It’s the ash in life that acts as unexpected nourishment for creating hope as well as a path to become a great people.

“My uncle asked me to send the flag he had received to the family of the man who gave it to him in the hospital.” – Mike Stillo

Family-to-Family

“I was visiting my uncle in Ohio, when I was a child, one summer when I happened to find a flag.  I was so excited by the find that I rushed outside and affixed it to a stick. Then I ran and ran around my uncle’s yard so it could flow behind me.”   Mike said as he began his story.

When his uncle came out and saw him running around with the flag, he gently took it off the stick and carefully folded it.

“This isn’t something to play with, Mike.”  He lovingly explained.  “I am simply its caretaker.”

Of course, Mike was a little disappointed that his fun was at an end.  At the same time, he was touched by his uncle’s reverence for a flag that he’d never seen before.   Still, he knew that there was deep meaning attached to that piece of cloth, because it was clearly important to someone he loved and respected.  

He showed his love and respect for his uncle by following him back into the house where the two put the flag back in its box.  It remained protected there for the next several years as Mike grew into a man, living in Georgia, and his uncle grew older, while still living in his Ohio home.

Mike was at work when he received a call to go to his ailing uncle at that same home.

“I walked into his home with trepidation.”  Mike explained.  “My uncle had been a medic in World War II and the Korean Conflict.  He was a healer.  So, when he called me and asked that I be at his bedside I knew it was likely the last time I’d see him alive.”

It was a solemn and surprising time for Mike.  I say surprising because while he thought of his uncle often over the years, he had hardly remembered that one particular day.  The day he discovered the flag he had never seen before.  But, he remembered it vividly as soon as his uncle handed him the time-worn box that was still preserving that honored flag.

“My uncle asked me to send the flag he had received to the family of the man who gave it to him in the hospital.” Mike said as he choked on the emotion of his words.

His uncle was treating a man, in a military hospital, for wounds sustained during World War II.  His plane had crashed.  This enemy pilot had been rescued from the remains of his shot-down aircraft.  The Japanese aircraft, known as a kamikaze, was loaded with explosives and making a deliberate suicidal crash on an enemy target.  The mission had failed and now the pilot’s life was fading.

As the pilot lay dying he reached into his jacket and pulled a carefully folded flag out.  He then handed it to Mike’s uncle and said, “Please return this to my family.” He was gone a few moments later.

Now Mike’s uncle had passed the story and his sacred task on to his nephew.

“I happened to be working for a Japanese company in Georgia!”  Mike explained.

He bid his uncle farewell with his promise to return the flag to the pilot’s family and he went home with sorrow and determination.  He was sorry for the loss of his uncle and was determined to fulfill his promise.  So, as soon as he returned to work he showed the flag to a couple of men at work who were from Japan.

The three of them opened the flag together.

“These are very rare!” One of the men said.  “They’re usually sold for a great deal of money.  Do you want to sell it?”

Mike replied with an emphatic, “No!  I want it to be returned to the pilot’s family.  We’ve made a family-to-family promise!”

The flag had writing on it and Mike was hoping that his friends could translate it.  He also hoped it would contain clues as to whom he could return the flag.  It turned out that the hand-written notes were penned in old Japanese, so Mike’s friends were unable to decipher all of it.  But, they knew someone who could read old Japanese and sent it to be translated.

“They brought it back to me in a couple of weeks.” Mike said.  “They explained that the pilot’s family had written well-wishes on the flag and their family name was Suzuki.  I was excited because I worked for Isuzu Trucks and felt that my friends there in Japan would be able to help me find the right family!”

They did!  And, Mike returned the flag to them.

“They were filled with gratitude!”  Mike said.  “I was just grateful to have kept the trust of my uncle and our obligation, family-to-family.  My uncle and I were simply the flag’s caretakers!”

Mike began his story with, “I was visiting my uncle in Ohio, when I was a child, one summer when I happened to find a flag.  I was so excited by the find that I rushed outside and affixed it to a stick. Then I ran and ran around my uncle’s yard so it could flow behind me.”

What he didn’t know then, was that this particular flag stood for something much greater than one boy’s fun.  It was stood for love and obligation between families on different sides of the world.

Family-to-Family!