Giving From and to the Heart

“Now I know my life has been a complete success.”

-Joy’s Mother

Giving From and to the Heart

“Are you on the phone?”  Joy sheepishly asked as she poked her head through my door.

“No. Come in.”  I replied.

I watched with enchantment as my friend Joy took her characteristically short strides toward where I was sitting.  Her eyes were dancing with light as they twinkled.  Her eyes always twinkle when she talks.  It’s one of the delightful benefits of being in conversation with her.

“Can I tell you what we did for my mother’s birthday?”  Joy asked circumspectly.

“Of course you can!” I said with great anticipation.

So, she began to tell me how she had been caring for her aged mother and was concerned about how sad she had been for the past few months.  “Her birthday was coming up and I wanted to do something that would make her feel better.  I thought and thought about what I could do for her and finally I came up with an idea.” She explained.

I was enthralled with her story knowing that if there was ever a person with a pure heart, it was Joy.  She was describing her priceless process of taking the time to give a true gift; a gift from the heart, to heal the heart of another.

“I asked my siblings and their children to write a letter to my mother.  Then I took the fifty-seven letters and had them bound into a book with photos of each of the participants.  We had a big party.  Everyone was there!”

She continued, “When my mother began to read her book she teared up immediately.   Later that night one of my children saw Grandma’s bedroom light on and heard her crying.  She knocked on the door to make sure she was alright.”

“Was she alright?”  I thought to myself with eagerness.

“Grandma stayed up all night reading her book from cover to cover.  When I talked with her the next day she said, ‘Now I know that my life has been a complete success!’” Joy said in a halting, heart-felt voice.

I could feel my own heart pushing out of my chest up into my throat.  The holiday season was starting in less than a week and I knew the importance of the lesson Joy was teaching me.  It’s a lesson I never want to forget; a true gift is something that can only be transferred directly from one heart to another.  It is freely giving of yourself to enhance the happiness and well being of another.  Its effect will continue long after the giving and will change the life of both giver and receiver.  It has be ability to change many lives.

Joy’s gift has changed my life.  I hope it has changed yours.  May our acts of giving provide pleasure and show gratitude in the way of Joy!

Pursuing Artful Persuasion

“This isn’t happening the way I thought it would!”

-      Ron Hein

Pursuing Artful Persuasion

I had been working toward a solution for my Clients the entire day.  In fact, I had spent all of my time on the telephone and in email collecting information to make sure that the best possible outcome would be reached for the people I was representing.  Still, when I walked into a meeting with them at the end of the day I knew I would need to use all of my best persuasive skills to make sure they could see and embrace the path I had hacked out of that day’s enveloping wilderness so they could realize success.

I started the meeting by giving them the “bad” news and then immediately presented the “good” news so they could see that everything was not lost; that they would be successful in gaining exactly what they wanted in a time frame that mirrored the path they were on before its course had been overgrown with snares.  I felt that I had done a good job of showing them their success outcome until I heard these words from one of three Clients sitting at the table:

“This isn’t happening the way I thought it would!”

As the words penetrated my ears, my eyes went into action and I began to scan the three faces in front of me more intently.  One face was peaceful and comfortable. One face was unsure and questioning.  One face was defiant and angry.  My message was truly heard by only one of the three!

I reflected on this as I struggled to change my message of success to them.  I changed the words I used and the way I gave them the information.  I spoke.  I observed.  I changed the way I presented the facts based on what response I was seeing.  Finally after more than one hour had passed I was able to see all three of the faces in full agreement and happy.  This was the result I had been working toward and I relaxed greatly knowing it had been achieved.

When I meeting was successfully completed my heart was still troubled.  It was troubled because I had not been as successful as I had hoped in delivering a positive message.  All I wanted was an ending that was positive; the best outcome I could get for these important people.  I knew I could have done a better job.  I vowed to do better in the future.

In making that vow to myself I had to reset one basic principle in my mind.  One person cannot make another person do anything and have a good result!  I have reflected on this fact again and again, knowing that all successful relationships must be based on this principle of individual freedom.  Knowing this has led me to acknowledge that you and I must improve our powers of persuasion if we are to help others around us live happy, fulfilling lives.

If you want to test this one basic principle just walk up to anyone and ask them what they want out of life and they’ll more than likely say something such as, “I just want to live my life the way I want and be happy.”  Isn’t that what you want?

It’s what I want, so here’s what I learned from my meeting with the three Clients this week.  First, saying the same words to different people does not get the same result.  Second, it takes more than just saying words or hearing words to become an effective persuader.  Third, it’s important to be able to give the same information in multiple ways in order to be as powerful as you can be.  Finally, allowing people to live fully in their personal freedom allows them to have the most happiness they can achieve.

To be truly free in your own life requires you to allow others to live with the same kind of freedom.  It takes practice, observation and a heartfelt belief in freedom to truly benefit from its blessings.  I hope you’ll join me in working to persuade everyone to live the important principle of freedom so we can all live our lives they way we want and to be as happy as possible.

 

 

A Generous Irishman

“I want to buy this for a friend of mine.  She has a 7 year old daughter and they need a place to live.”

-      Dominic Larkin

A Generous Irishman

When my phone rang about noon I had no idea what kind of generosity I was going to witness.  I told the caller that I would meet with him to walk through the home he was calling about in an hour and a half.   I gathered my things and made my way down to my car so I could drive the distance and arrive with plenty of time to spare.

When I pulled up to the house, the caller was already waiting in front.  He stood just less than six feet tall, had longer graying hair and was wearing a sort of safari hat with a chin string hanging down from its sides and looping down toward his Adam’s apple.  He was driving a large pickup truck and was smiling as he greeted me.

When I heard his voice it took me a minute to have the words he was speaking register in my brain.  He was from Ireland and his English was slightly different from what I was used to hearing.  Still, a momentary lag was all I needed to become fully present with this intriguing stranger.  I invited him into the house.

He became an active inspector was soon as he walked through the door.  He asked me question after question as he demonstrated his genuine interest.  He was thorough.  And, when he was mentally satisfied he became more affable and began to open a window into his purpose.

“I want to buy this for a friend of mine.  She has a 7-year-old daughter and they need a place to live.”  He explained.  “She was married and her husband left her alone with their daughter.  He just abandoned them and hasn’t given any support at all.  They don’t deserve to live on the street.”

“I need to make sure I can get them into a place and still have enough money to fix it up so it will be a nice home for them.” He continued.

I stood looking at him through new eyes.  The old ones I was looking through were not prepared to see a plain old Irishman turn into an angel in broad daylight.  I also had to put a mental pace-maker into my heart.  It was starting to beat way too fast; you know, the way your heart pounds when it gets an emotional rush.  After making these two adjustments I just gawked while listening to the rest of his tale.

“My friend also has another friend who is homeless.  This place would have enough room for everyone.  Yes.  This will make a nice home for them.”  He said contentedly with his Irish accent.

“Room for everyone. . .”  I pondered.  “I think we’ll need a lot more people like my Irish Angel if we’re going to make room for everyone!  Yes.  Room for everyone; perhaps if we work together and show our generosity it can happen!

Making Something Good of Yourself

“Didn’t you know that the most important thing you can do is to show up every day.”

-John Barlow

Making Something Good of Yourself

Have you ever had one of those weeks when it seems as if you’ve worked much harder than normal and yet it appears as if nothing good has come from it?  I have.  Yet, this week the exact opposite happened to me and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it.  I can’t remember a time when so many loose ends seemed to be coming together after long struggle.

During my time of reflection, I remembered a conversation I had with my friend John Barlow a few years ago.  We were talking about creating success through work when he said, “Didn’t you know that the most important thing you can do is to show up every day?”

His comment caught me off guard.  It was something I knew, but at the same time I also knew, and still know, that showing up isn’t the only thing that creates success.  It must be used in combination with a good solid plan and self discipline to complete each step of the plan.  Still, showing up is a critical part of the success equation and it’s what I want to talk with you about today.

As I raised my daughters they would come to me and ask me if I liked a particular person after just meeting them.  My reply would always be the same, “I don’t know.  Time will tell.”  I would say that because I have discovered that it takes a great deal of time to be able to judge a person’s true character; especially my own.

Each one of us has times of smooth sailing through life and then we also have times of difficulty.  It is what we do during times of difficulty that reveals our true character.  I have known people that have crumbled when challenged and I have known people who have withstood their challenges and have become much stronger.  In many cases it is as if there are times when the world says, “You say you are honest, true, good, strong and successful.  Let’s see if you really are!”

When that occurs, I have observed that those who have risen to meet the challenge do so not knowing exactly what the outcome will be and when they have given their last ounce of strength, but still continue to persist, the tide turns and things mysteriously begin to turn their way again.  When that happens it doesn’t take them long to get back on their feet and feel renewed strength and confidence.

That’s what I want you to know.  My personal experience is that as I have worked on projects or goals for many years and have felt that there was no hope of success, but have kept going and making adjustments along my way, believing that if I just kept striving and changing internally that I would succeed in the long run.  Many times my success did not come in the form of my expectation.  It had morphed into something better than I had hoped.  In fact, I had changed in ways I could never have dreamed of.

That’s how I know that persistence creates character.  It’s a message we need to pass to all those around us.  If we will simply persist in changing inside so we can meet our challenges and overcome them, we will succeed.  Only then we will be the kind of people others want to spend their lives with.  We will have demonstrated our true character and we will be able to say, “I have made something good of myself.”