“It makes me feel better knowing that I’m not the only one.”

- Jolie Jacobsen

Let Compassion act as Your Anchor

My phone rang late in the afternoon.  It was a close friend of mine.  She called to talk with me about some challenges we were working on regarding some of her real estate in Salt Lake City.  For as long as I’ve known her she’s been very successful at buying and selling real estate.  But, the downturn we’ve been going through for the past five years has caused her to be challenged in many ways.

Jolie is not alone.  I’ve been working with lots of people over the past few years that are in the same position.  It’s a new experience for such successful people to be facing circumstances they believe to be potentially leading them to what they view as failure.  As my conversation with Jolie continued it became clear that she was feeling alone.

I understand that feeling all too well.  So at that point, rather than being her real estate expert, I knew it was time to be her friend.  I told her that I understood her challenges because I’ve faced them personally and that I’ve worked with hundreds of people who have been through what she’s going through; and, who are currently going through what she is.

I could hear her listening as well as sniffling.  Then she drew in a big breath and said, “It makes me feel better knowing that I’m not the only one.”

When I heard her say that, I was glad I listened to my little internal voice!  And then, just as that gladness was waning that same little voice sounded as a strong encouraging voice saying, it’s always important to let the people who are important to you know that you have the same human worries and challenges they do.  Doing so will always deepen your relationship and bring more meaning to your life as well as to the life of your friend.

Showing compassion to others is sometimes over looked in life these days.  If you will incorporate it into your life, you’ll soon see that it doesn’t make you smaller in the eyes of others.  It will anchor your relationships in a way that can happen in no other way.

“I don’t think we will ever be able to afford our dream house.  But I want to be able to continue to experience what makes me happy.”

Nancy

Enjoy Your Portion

Since I spend a large portion of my life walking through houses with my Clients, I hear many comments about what people consider when they are looking at homes to call their own.  I’ve been especially interested in a big change in people’s attitudes over the past five years ago.  It used to be that people would be stretching as far as they could to buy the largest, most expensive house they could find.  Now I rarely see that strategy and most people I work with are seeking a comfortable home they can easily afford and be happy in.

I say happy because when people were pushing their financial boundaries they may have been getting a house to make them feel powerful, successful or accomplished, yet it didn’t provide them with happiness.  And, such financial imprudence has caused many people to pay a huge price financially, physically, emotionally and personally.  

Since I spend a great deal of time with my Clients I get to know most of them quite well personally and that’s what I enjoy most about my work in real estate.  As I was working with one couple this week, Nancy made a comment that really made me think about happiness and personal portion.  She said, “I don’t think we will ever be able to afford our dream house.  But I don’t want to be house poor and not be able to do anything else.”  When I heard her say this, I quietly said within me, “It’s wonderful to see a person who clearly understands the concept of personal portion!”

I first began to learn about this concept when I lived and worked in Saudi Arabia.  While there, I made friends with some guys from the Philippines.  We would spend most of our weekends together watching movies and enjoying other activities.  One of these guys was in his mid sixties and had been working in Saudi Arabia as a laborer for more than twenty years.   He was there to make enough money to provide for his family, who he got to visit for a couple of months once every five years.

On one occasion, he came over to me with one of the largest grins I have ever seen on another person. 

“I just finished paying for my house!” He announced.  “Would you like to see a picture?”

 “Yes. I would really like to see it!”  I said.

He immediately handed me the photo and said, “Isn’t it beautiful?”

“Yes!” I said.  The whole time trying my very best to show genuine happiness while trying to hide my shock.  You see, he showed me a photo of what we would consider to be a shack in the United States.  And, I was genuinely happy for his accomplishment.

This humble man was one of the hardest working, happiest people I have ever met and he was my teacher about personal portion.  I learned that a person can only be happy when they are satisfied with the portion of the world they receive.  All of us can follow his example should we seek true happiness.

If you’re looking for true happiness, look at your portion of the world and be enthused with it; this small change, in your view, will allow your happiness to increase dramatically almost instantly. 

“Our customers will wait in a check-out line, when they don’t need to, so they can receive service from one of our Special Olympians.   Having him work for us has changed so many people’s lives.”

- Bob Harmon

Giving is Receiving

When did you ever think that owners of a local grocery store chain would be hailed as heroes?  That’s what I thought to myself as I stood in a reception hosted by my friends Bob and Randy Harmon.  Of course I shouldn’t have been surprised, because I’ve felt that way about them from the very first time I met them.   But this moment was exceptional, singular!

I watched as Bob and Randy entered the reception area, a reception they were hosting.  When right in front of me one of the Special Olympic Athletes I knew, had the biggest smile I’ve ever seen burst across his face in supernova fashion.  He ran forward to greet them and threw his arms around them in an effort to scoop them up into his heart.  Then he looked back at me and said, “That’s my boss!”

I turned to my wife and said, “When have you ever heard someone say that about his boss?”

In fact, when have I ever seen anyone that happy to see someone else?  Well, if I really think about it perhaps it was when my children we two and hadn’t yet discovered that I wasn’t the greatest man who ever lived.  Oh, those were the days!

But now, I felt as if I were the two year old because I could see that there was something wonderful to learn from Randy and Bob.  They had worked a full day in their business, provided a reception for the Summer Special Olympic Games, and were there to give every participating athlete a “High-Five” as a token of encouragement to compete with bravery, give their best effort, and to have fun.

I looked around me and saw hundreds of people having fun.  Perhaps most of all, I watched Randy and Bob truly having fun as they full heartedly gave best wishes to everyone in sight.  I’ve never seen people of Rock Star status giving from their heart in such a fashion.  But, that’s what makes them so remarkable.

Bob said to me, in a private moment, “We get way more than we donate!  When we started working with Special Olympics Utah we never dreamed that we would get more than we gave.  You know, we came to one of our athlete employees and said, we’d like to teach you to be a checker.  When he started his training, he apologized to our customers for not being able to ask his riddles for a while because he needed to learn his new job.  But, it didn’t take him long before the riddles soon reappeared.  Now our customers will wait in his line just so they can receive his wonderful service.  Our customers also get more than they ever imagined!”

So, now you and I know that giving is also receiving.  Find an opportunity to give today, or, if you would like to have the same experience as the Harmon’s, give to Special Olympics and you’ll receive more way more than your gift in return.

A One Can Conquer

“He drove all the way to the beach in Northern California on nothing but one can of root beer.”

Chuck

A One Can Conquer

I hadn’t seen my friend Chuck and his wife for almost one full year.  And it would have been even longer had his son-in-law not asked me to give him a call.  So it was with such a warm invitation that I made an appointment to come to his home and visit with him.

As I drove up to the front of the house I was greeted by blooming flowers and a perfectly manicured green lawn.  It made for a generous welcome that continued when I entered the two story building Chuck and his wife call home.  It was clean, not over stuffed, and comfortably appointed where we three sat at a small round table to talk.

“It’s good to see you again,” I said.  “Tell me what’s happened since last summer.”

The two hosts took a quick glance at each other almost as if to say, “Oh my, where do we start!”  I could see that things had indeed changed for them so I sat quietly and waited.

“My 54 year old brother-in-law moved in not long after his mother died.” Chuck volunteered.  We knew he was a little socially backward, but we had no idea that he was mentally handicapped!”  They, Chuck and his wife, went on to tell me their harrowing tale of discovering what his mother had hidden from the family during his entire life time.

There is a lot to tell.  But, one thing in particular held me transfixed in its telling.  Their guest had said for days that he was going to run away from his home because he just couldn’t take it any longer.  They listened, but failed to understand that he was really going to do it.  Then, they got a call from his boss asking if they knew where he was.  He hadn’t shown up for work that evening.

Chuck dropped everything and drove the forty-five minutes to his brother-in-law’s home to make sure he was alright.  When he arrived he found the house empty and the car missing.  He and his wife were panicked and had no idea where to even begin to look for him.  They got on their phones and began to call everyone they could think of and when they got no promising result they resorted to calling the police.

Then the next morning they got a call from him.

“Where are you?” Chuck queried.

“I’m in Northern California and I’m calling to tell you I’m going to live on the beach!” He replied.

“How are you going to do that?  You don’t have any money!” Chuck responded.

The conversation went on until he told Chuck he was hungry and asked him to come and pick him up.

“He drove all night on nothing but a can of root beer!  That was all he needed to run away from his problems.  But, when he knew he had to face his problems he needed much more.” Chuck told me.

In the end, Chuck and his wife went to the rescue and they each ended up driving the two cars home to Utah.

After we talked, my mind went on a road trip of its own.  I thought of all the times I had not faced the challenges in my own life so well and I could see that in all such cases the freedom of running away was so enticing that it had taken nothing but, “a can of root beer” to carry me a long ways away.  I also recognized that when facing down a task I don’t want to face, it often takes a whole case of root beer and a few hamburgers to get me past my fear to completing the task.

I say I need those things to get me past my fear because, in my experience, the fear always dwarfs the task.  In fact, earlier in the week, it took me a full day, breakfast, lunch and on to dinner before I had the courage to make one call I didn’t want to make.  When I finally made the call it took me two minutes and it had a very positive outcome!

When I finished that call, I said to myself, “What was all the fuss about!  Had you completed this same call hours earlier you would have enjoyed the same outcome and the rest of the day as well!”  So, yes, I still run in fear quite often.

I’m sure I’ll continue to run in fear, from time to time, for the rest of my life.  But because of my friend Chuck I’m going to crack a can of root beer and face my fear early on so I can enjoy the successful outcome much more quickly.  A, well, perhaps after just one more can!

Working From the Outside, In

People have often asked me, “How can I build strong relationships?”  It’s a good question and one that each of us should be asking ourselves every day.  Relationships are at the very center of all your success; professional, personal, family, recreation, everything.  In fact, if you do a little reading about building your personal brand these days you can spend hour upon hour reading about networking and how to do it.  Unfortunately, many people reading such advice can’t follow it effectively because they don’t understand the true basis for a proper network; relationship building.

So, if you’re looking to have a better life, in any area of your life, you can have what you’re looking for in a very rapid fashion.  It just takes some time, effort and caring.

I say caring because when people tell me that networking doesn’t work it’s because they have usually joined a networking group full of people who are there for one reason; to get leads for their business.  How do you think that goes when everyone is there to receive and not to give?

It’s just that obvious! And, what is also obvious is that the opposite is also true. It will lead you to the opposite result.  The perfect example of how this works is the time my daughter Kilee spent with me this last weekend.

I’ve been a small rancher for quite some time now and wanting to expand my interests to include a vineyard.  My daughter Kilee has become a very good gardener so I asked her to help me pick and order some varieties of root stock to plant.  When the plants arrived, I asked her to come and help me plant the first row and enjoyed her teach me the art of planting grape vines.

We spent the afternoon on Saturday planting the recently arrived root stock, and it gave us time to have wonderful talks about her life, work and dreams.  Then toward the end of the afternoon, as she continued to help me, I taught her more about drip irrigation as we installed it at the base of each vine.  Through all of this process we created the beginnings of my vineyard and deepened our relationship at the same time.  We could never accomplish the same quality of relationship building had we not been giving of ourselves first from the outside through work!

Creating a strong relationship with another person always requires that you work your way from the outside in!  You only gain access to another person’s heart after you’ve demonstrated caring through your external behavior.  You must gain their trust by being the one to offer help, assistance and care.  Then you must make good on that promise by being the initiator of action.  It is through your actions of caring and kindness that other people will see that you are the type of person they want to have a relationship with.  If you try it any other way every single person will see that you are - a fraud; you are only there to use them and take what you can.

You deserve to have strong, long lasting relationships that will enrich your life as well as the lives of those you love and want to love more.  Take an opportunity to build stronger relationships today by giving yourself to others by working from the outside, in.

Warm Your Life

“My mother sold real estate.  They used to call her the “Condo Queen.”  She loved it.  She sold until she was 85 and then she had to quit because of health.”

- Glenn Earl

Warm Your Life

Thursday in the middle of the afternoon isn’t marked on my calendar as a time where I expect to receive some inspiration.  But, it is as good of time as any, and since I can’t recall ever having received inspiration at that time before, it must mean that encouragement can arrive into one’s mind at any time and in any place.  Sometimes it comes to us at the least expected time and place.

The key to knowing whether an inspiration or an experience will enhance your life is to measure how active or passive the encouragement becomes within your heart.  If you receive a flash and you remain utterly passive about it then it has accomplished very little to change you.  For instance, time spent thinking about the stimulation does little to move you forward if it is not followed up by action to make it a reality.  After all, aren’t you looking to warm your life with a little more love, success, friendship and fulfillment?

What does this have to do with a Thursday afternoon?  Well, I was in a foyer waiting to go into a meeting when the office manager asked me what I did for a living.  I told her, “I sell real estate.”  And, she like most people I meet said, “Oh, how is the market?”

We spend a few minutes talking about the real estate market when her husband said, “My mother sold real estate.  They used to call her the ‘condo queen.’  She loved it.  She sold until she was 85 and then she had to quit because of her health.”  I listened to him and soon became enthralled with his stories of her.

As I listened, perhaps the one single valuable point I learned was that her life was all about building relationships, not expanding her contact manager.  For most people this one single point is both the hardest to absorb and, at the same time, the most valuable clue to successful relationship building.  We must be trying to build relationships with other humans, not seeking new people to use.

During this time when many of the people I come into contact with are discouraged by the fact that their portfolios have been wiped out; and, they don’t see a clear way to their dream of retirement any more.  This point, as taught by Glenn’s mother can be a beacon of hope.  Succeeding in genuine relationship building will eventually increase you income.  Just as important, it will immediately start improving your entire life.

I’m sitting in my chair right now visualizing my future and wondering if I’d like to have a life surrounded by people I like and admire or if I’d rather have money to live a life of leisure alone.  Would I like to spend time with people who are constantly helping me grow in life and joy?  Would I like to be doing something I love?  The answer is clear to me.  I’d rather constantly warm my life by succeeding in genuine relationship building.  If you’d like to improve and warm your entire life, build heartfelt relationships with other human beings by adding value to them through constructive interaction.  It will take  you places you never dreamed!

Is Anybody Listening?

“I told you before and nobody would listen to me.”

“I keep telling him I need his help and he won’t do anything about it.”

-      Two Different Friends

Is Anybody Listening?

I was looking across the table at a close friend telling me about the challenges he was facing in his work.  Then the next day I was standing outside a building listening to another friend, and Client, say, “I told you before and nobody would listen to me!”

I can still hear their voices and I can still see their faces.  I feel the genuine dissatisfaction rolling from their bodies on its way to cover me in the same way I’ve seen fog engulf the Golden Gate Bridge.  Their discouragement is a cold damper to my peace of mind.  I didn’t know what to say to them at the time.  I sat speechless, helpless and ineffective.

So, I’ve thought a lot about each instance and have been searching the experience trails throughout my mind in an effort to give each one of them a sure fire method of solving the issue.  I was hoping for the discovery of a formula that has worked for me in the past.  But, I haven’t thought of one!

Now I think there’s a reason I haven’t been able to find one simple formula.  Perhaps it’s because every situation and the dynamic between singular people is different.  Trying to force what someone else is going through into the prism of one’s own experience can be a mistake.  In fact, it can compound the situation and can even make it worse.  It can signal to another person that there is no effort being given to understanding their point of view.

Another wise friend of mine said, “Why do you want to spend your time walking the same trail over and over again when you know it won’t take you where you want to go?”  Relying on our past’s personal experience too much can lead all of us into the same unwinnable trap!

It’s important to actively listen to others in order to stay out of this trap.  What I mean by actively listening is: ask questions until you can feel as if you’re looking through the other person’s eyes.  Really work to make sure you hear exactly what they’re meaning is.  I find myself jumping to conclusions too quickly and too often.

So, I’ve set up a little frustration signal for myself; whenever I look into another person’s eyes and begin to see the fog of frustration beginning to flow from the center of their iris, I know I need to just take a deep breath and stop.   Then I take the conversation back one step and ask them to “tell me again because I don’t think I got it all,” and sure enough, I didn’t!  Slowing the conversation for clarification is lot better than having them take me by the throat while shouting, “Is anybody listening?” as they scramble my brain! 

If you and I can adjust our listening skills just a little bit we can improve our relationships with countless numbers of people.  We’ll have more close friends and best of all; we’ll have other people willing to listen to us when we need to be listened to.