Turing Your Worst Into Your Best

“My neighbor said, ‘You’re part of our family now.’”

-Alan

Turning Your Worst Into Your Best

“My Mother ran off with my Dad’s best friend and left us!”  My friend Alan said.

As he was speaking, I thought back to my own life and felt a strong tug on my heart.  I could feel my entire body become loose and sort of melt outward from my heart.  The quaver in my friend’s voice signaled strong emotions and I could see water well up in his eyes.

“The day she left us, my next door neighbor called me into her house and said, “Alan, you’re part of our family now!  When we eat, there will be a place set for you.  When we go on vacation, you’ll go with us.” 

“I took her up on it.”  Alan continued.  “She was a good woman and I was very sad when she died.  She was only forty-two years old.”

Sadness can come from many sources.  For lots of people, like my friend Alan, the death of their family is a painful early-life experience.  Luckily there was someone there to help pick up the pieces of Alan’s heart.  Now he’s well into his fifties and has successfully raised a family of his own.  And, perhaps most importantly, his experience has taught him to be one of the most compassionate people I know.

He has reached out to at least a couple of homeless people in our area to give them warmth and food during times when they would have otherwise perished.  His heart pushes him toward doing good when the hearts of others fail.  I look to him as a beacon.

Alan beckons all of us to humbly remember our darkest experiences and turn them to the benefit of others.  Many blame their bad behavior on “their childhood” and use it as an excuse to perpetuate pain and anger.  Alan shows everyone that pain can be used to develop an increased capacity for love and kindness. 

Every one of us has had both universal and unique painful experience.  Both can act to bind us together as humans and as individuals.  Take some time to contemplate how your life experiences make you part of the human family.  Then, open your heart to discover other individuals that can benefit from your distinctiveness.  When you do, your goodness will engulf your whole being and turn your worst into your best.

Faith in Faith

“We didn’t know anyone here, but when we made the decision to move everything just fell into place.” –Rod McDaniels

Faith in Faith

I’ll never forget the first phone call I received from Rod.  We had never met before so it was a sort of “shot in the dark” that we came to meet.  He had just accepted a new job in Salt Lake City, was preparing to move his family and needed some help in finding the right place.

“I can’t believe it’s been three years.” Rod said to me.

We were talking about his work and family.  We were also talking about the scary news we’ve been braving for the last few years.  There is a lot to worry about.  We are seemingly in a continual war and the front seems to be expanding rather than coming to a close.  Now we’re hearing about the Ebola outbreak that is causing even the bravest among us to shudder at a possible global epidemic.  With such horrific news all around us is it possible to live with faith in a bright future?

“You know, when I lost my job in Las Vegas it appeared as if we were in a situation where there was no way out!” Rod painted his picture for me.  “We didn’t know anyone here, but when we made the decision to move, everything just fell into place.”

Now he and his family live in a beautiful home in the Salt Lake City area and his family is blossoming.  “I work with great people.  They’re real sharp and I’m lucky to associate with them.”  He told me.

“Sometimes its hard to have faith in faith.”  I said.  Then I thought about the earlier part of our conversation!  I began to think about the similarities between Rod’s previous position and our world’s situation.  Right now it appears as if there is no way out of the distress we’re facing.  And, human tendency is lose hope, to just sit and try to keep things as they are.  But, that isn’t what my friend Rod did!

Rod hoped for a better.  He had prepared himself in every aspect of his life for success, so he made the decision to think past his familiar life and apply his skills toward a new and potentially brighter future.  In doing so he knew that he was moving away from family and friends.  It was a little scary.

But, he found that his fear was soon overcome as he took his first steps toward a new life.  He found a new job, friends, home and opportunities as he walked forward while relying on his internal compass.  Then he combined these additions to his life with his friends and family still living in Las Vegas.

He looked at me and smiled, “We just got back from my wife’s, sister’s wedding.  It was great to be back with our family and spend time with them.  And, we have a great life here.  We love it.”

There is a lot to love about life, even when we face what appear to be insurmountable challenges.  It is during such times that we need to do what Rod does.  He has faith in faith.

Teeming With Life

“The last time I started a company I tried to do everything myself.  Doing so taught me that I could be much more successful by bringing in the right people to work with me.  This time I’m building a great team from the start!”

-Brad LaPray

Teeming With Life

Brad LaPray is a successful builder of businesses.  I happened to have the good fortune of meeting him not long ago and have been able to spend a little bit of time getting to know him.  He was looking for some specific help so I scheduled a lunch meeting to introduce him to another friend with the “how to” skills he was seeking.

During lunch, Brad talked with us about one of his prior successful companies and said, “The last time I started a company I tried to do everything myself.  Doing so taught me that I could be much more successful by bringing in the right people to work with me.  This time I’m building a great team from the start!”

I was intrigued by his insight and immediately recognized that he knows that, no matter how good a business looks on paper, no matter what he’s accomplished in the past, no matter how smart he is, he will never be as successful as he could be unless there are other people there to help him.  I’ve thought about this over and over again, wondering how to apply this remarkable insight to the personal side of life.

A long time ago I had a personal conversation, with the chairman of my graduate school committee, just before graduation.  He was instrumental in getting me into graduate school as well as changing my academic approach to learning.  Because of my deep respect for him I listened intently to his advice.

“Now that you’re graduating you have a choice to make.” He said.  “You need to decide whether you’re going to seek money or power.”  Then he went on to tell me a story.

He had been consulting for a large company and was called to the CEO’s huge estate for a meeting.  “I walked into the home and was struck by its beauty and size, but what hit me most was that it was empty.  There was no family with him there, and even though we had an amazing gourmet lunch, prepared by his personal chef, I could not help but feel his loneliness and isolation.  And, when it was time for me to leave, this great captain begged me to stay for just a little bit longer so he wouldn’t be bound to his solitary life again.”  Then he said something else that has stuck with me for these many years.

“What ever you decide, make sure you build a strong family and friendships along the way.  Those relationships are what will give you true happiness!”

So here’s the personal side of what my friend Brad has taught me.  No matter how good our lives look on paper, no matter what we have accomplished in the past, no matter how smart we are, we will never be as successful or as happy as possible unless we have others, who have made a personal investment, beside us.

Brad has created a compelling business vision that is allowing him to attract others who believe what he believes.  Smart and talented people are drawn to him because they share his vision.  They are adding their special abilities and know-how to create something truly remarkable.

What are you doing to make life teem around you?

Why will you Find Success?

“Let me tell you why I got involved.”

Shawn Milne

Why will you Find Success?

There are always turning points in life, moments when a current path is forever altered.  These are often defining moments that change who we think we are and often cause us to become more then we ever dreamed we could become.  I’ve found that most of the time a person can think back on their life and identify the exact moment of such a junction.  Doing so enables a person to learn perhaps the most important part of change.  Why.

Knowing why you’re on the path you’re on makes all of the difference.  And, I’ve generally observed that the why has to be something other than simple financial gain.  The most powerful whys have to do with connecting to something bigger than a person is, something that defines a purpose for a person’s life.

I was reminded of this as I completed a meeting and was taking about it as I walked out with my friend Shawn Milne.  He said, “Have I ever told you why I ran for office?”

I shook my head no and he continued.  “I had a problem in my neighborhood and the county wouldn’t help me.  So, I began to organize my neighbors and attend planning commission meetings.  I became so frustrated with what was happening that after months and months I decided I had to do something to make more of a difference.  I ran for office.”

I know there are things that have been difficult for him, as he has held public office.  But, his commitment to improve the lives of the members of our community has enabled him to continue his efforts.  I’ve seen the same thing with my friend Brad Bertoch.

Thirty years ago Brad began to work to “improve the human condition” by developing a not-for-profit company focused on assisting technology entrepreneurs to raise needed investment capital.  I’ve worked with him for the last twenty-four years and have seen him put all his heart into this effort.  If he didn’t deeply feel the why he was doing this, he would have given up long ago and our community would have forgone thousands of jobs and more than $1.5 billion dollars of investment.  Thank goodness he discovered his why.

Discovering your why will change your life in many ways.  It will sustain you when you have difficulties in business as well as your personal life.  Take time to discover what you really want to accomplish with your life, how you want to make a difference, so it can lead and sustain you through inevitable challenges on the way to your success.  It will do for you what it has done for the most successful people I know.  Why will you find success?