“One of the most touching things ever to have happened to me was receiving a hand-written note.” – Barry Larson

A Noteworthy Breakfast

I’ve heard it said that the most important meal of the day is breakfast.  But, I guess I’ve never really believed it.  Until now!

The reason I believe it now has nothing to do with how good it is for a person’s body and mind to eat a suitable breakfast.  I’m sure someone else can regale you with such physical-body stories and statistics.  All I can do is to tell you how I came to know that breakfast truly is the most important way to acquire nourishment for the heart.

“Where would you like to have breakfast?”  Barry asked through a text message.

I viewed his message on my telephone.  It’s Barry’s preferred method of communication.  I think it’s because it saves him time.  And, most of the time, when one eats a poor breakfast it’s also about saving time.  Luckily for me, that wasn’t what my breakfast with Barry was about.

Our breakfast together was about one thing.  Spending time together.  Again, luckily for me, it turned out to be much more nourishing to my heart than I had ever dreamed.  And, I can dream quite well about where to eat, whether it is for breakfast or any other meal for that matter.

“Do you know if Blue Plate Diner is open for in-café dining these days?”  I typed back.

“No.”  Barry responded. “I usually eat at Jim’s.”

“Jim’s works for me.”  I digitized in return.  “The one in West Jordan will be most convenient for me.  Is that alright with you?”

So, on that Monday morning, I walked into Jim’s Family Restaurant.

“May I look to see if my friend is already here?”  I asked when I had arrived at the host’s desk.

Then I walked around a corner, saw Barry and slid into the booth right across the table from him.  We ordered food and then we talked while eating.  But, never while our mouths were full!  And soon, our stomachs were satisfied.  Yet, I’ve already told you that a stomach filled with good food is not the reason I now know that Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  It was something Barry said to me.  A wonderful story.

“When I grew up my family didn’t have much money.”  He said.  “But, my parent taught me a great work ethic.  And because they passed that on to me it’s made all the difference.  Still, I didn’t know how much of a difference until I was sitting in a potential client’s living room one day.”

He told me how he didn’t really know much about the people he was meeting with.  And, his initial meeting was just getting to know them better.  Things were going well, so they decided to hold a follow up meeting soon after the first.

“I had lightly eluded to how humble my family background was because I didn’t know them well yet.  I was sort of vague, thinking I wasn’t divulging too much personal information.”  He explained.

At that point of the Barry’s story, I had scooted up to the edge of my seat.  I mean, with bait like that, I was so hooked that my belly was as tight as it could possibly be on the edge of the table.  I was waiting to be fed well past the simple food we were eating.

“The next meeting with these potential clients went well.  It looked as if I was going to be able to help them.  I was getting ready to leave when the matriarch, a kindly woman of graced-age got up and pressed a hand-written note into the palm of my hand.  She did it in such a way so as to not allow the others in the room to even see what she had done.”

Barry paused.  I could see the emotion building behind his eyes.

“I didn’t know it at that moment, but It was one of the most wonderful things to ever happen to me!”  He continued.  “I left the house and began to drive home.  I thought I’d wait to read the note until I got home.  But, my little internal voice said, ‘stop and read it now.’ So, I did!”

“I know your family and about the challenges you faced as you grew up!”  The woman’s note said.  “I just wanted you to know that I could not be more proud of who you have become!”

“I took the note home and shared it with my wife.  It is a memory I’ll never forget.  It’s a kindness beyond anything I thought I would ever experience.  I treasure the memory in my heart!”  Barry said with the softness of gratitude touching his voice as we finished our breakfast together.

I’ve heard it said that the most important meal of the day is breakfast.  I guess I’ve never really believed it.  Until now!

The reason I believe it now has nothing to do with how good it is for a person’s body and mind to eat a suitable breakfast.  I’m sure someone else can regale you with such physical-body stories and statistics.  All I can do is to share with you the story of how I came to know that breakfast truly can become a most significant way to acquire nourishment for the heart.  

Barry Larson taught me that you and I can make breakfast a much more heart-warming experience. Perhaps we can take the time to share life’s most important events with each other as a pathway toward sharing a more enhanced meal.

Who knows? Perhaps breakfast will become the most important meal of the day to those we pass carefully hand-written notes of inspiration & admiration to, so we can swell both their tummies and their hearts with affection.

“As I looked up, above the water, in my broken body, I saw an ethereal woman above me saying, “surrender.” – Margo Coates Huddleston

Surrendering

“I love to be on the water.”  Margo Huddleston said to me as we looked out of the large south facing windows of her living room out across a shimmering lake and on to the Oquirrh Mountains.  Below those same windows, anchored in that same lake, Margo and her husband Laron have a couple of boats tied to the shore.  While absorbing this tranquil setting one could assume that Margo has sailed smoothly through life.

Margo does sail on the water.  Yet, I was there visiting because I knew she hadn’t been sailing effortlessly through life for quite some time.  She’s been battling some health issues in earnest.  So, I when I had a strong feeling to stop in to see how she was doing, I followed that feeling to her house.  Happily, as she came into her living room to greet me, her eyes, voice and smile were still sparkling, just like the sunshine bouncing off the water before us.

“I’m going in for more back surgery.”  Margo said as she graciously perched on the arm of a small couch.  “I don’t think I’ll be back out sailing anytime soon.”

Her torso was covered in a large, black back brace and she shifted slightly as she talked so she could make adjustments to the straps holding it in place.

“I’ve looked worse!”  She beamed, before continuing, “I was really banged up once from a sailing accident!  Have I told you that story?”

She hadn’t told me that story, so I answered her query with a quick, “No.”

“We were out sailing one day when strong winds began to buffet the boat.”  She continued.  “I was thrown overboard and as my head came up out of the water the first thing I saw was the boat tumbling sideways toward me.  I knew there was nothing I could do.  It was going to pummel me!”

And, just as she thought, the boat cartwheeled directly on top of her.  It churned and churned until every part of her body had been beaten, just as if she’d been in a butter churn.

“You should have seen me!”  She said.  “My face was swollen and my entire body was bruised or broken.  But, that’s not why I’m telling you this story.”

At this point, I was hooked like a fish, caught by a skilled fisherman.  I was breathlessly waiting to hear more.

“As the boat was thrashing me, I remember thinking, ‘This must be my time.  I’m ready to go.’ And at that moment I looked out of the water toward the sky. And, as I looked up, above the water, in my broken body, I saw an ethereal woman above me saying, ‘surrender.’  That’s the moment I knew I’d be alright, that I could surrender to the moment and the accident, without worry.”  

Margo finished talking with an expectant smile, her blue eyes riveted on mine.

I’d had the feeling to stop, hoping to offer some encouragement.  Yet, here was Margo, offering me dramatic encouragement and a valuable lesson instead.  Surrendering doesn’t have to mean giving up.  It can also mean that it’s an occasion to allow faith and hope to grow inside, by trusting that great good can flow to us, like water; come from others who freely offer their love, care and nurture.

“I love to be on the water.”  Margo Huddleston said to me as we looked out of the large south facing windows of her living room out across a shimmering lake and on to the Oquirrh Mountains.  Below those same windows, anchored in that same lake, Margo and her husband Laron have a couple of boats tied to the shore.  While absorbing this tranquil setting one could assume that Margo has sailed smoothly through life.

Margo does sail on the water.  Yet, I was there visiting because I knew she hadn’t been sailing effortlessly through life for quite some time.  She’s been battling some health issues in earnest.  So, I when I had a strong feeling to stop in to see how she was doing, I followed that feeling to her house.  Happily, as she came into her living room to greet me, her eyes, voice and smile were still sparkling, just like the sunshine bouncing off the water before us.

And, she taught me another, important meaning of surrender.

“What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What Lies Inside

“My choice was the culmination of many years of pain!”  Ryan Schwab said with his characteristic, steely gaze.

Sometimes It’s hard to know where internal determination comes from.  And, up to this moment, all I knew was that from the first instant I met Ryan, personal resolve radiated from him.

“I’ve always been an athlete.”  Ryan continued.  “I love playing team and personal sports.  I loved sports so much that I allowed injury to go unhealed.  This became a great problem for me over time!”

I could see the sincerity in Ryan’s eyes as he spoke.  And, he became the personification of what Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.”

“One day, I just knew that I needed to take a hard look inside.”  Ryan explained.  “I had an amazing wife and children. Their faces were there, inside of me, tattooed on my heart.  It was the first time something, someone, was able to supplant the past and move into first position in my life!  I knew I had to let the pain of the past go, to stop allowing it to control my life.  I chose them!  I chose what lies inside of me!”

To say that this one moment was the totality of Ryan’s decision would be to sell his internal strength short; not allow the fullness of his internal strength to shine.  Here’s how he stokes what lies inside, so it continues to grow and give him strength.

First, Ryan schedules personal time with his wife and kids.  For example, they sat down and created a plan to schedule specific adventures with a purpose.  They spend their vacation time in international locations, so their view of the world is continually expanding.

Second, Ryan choses to give back.  He does so by coaching others, one-on-one.  He says, “Others have allowed me to develop internal fortitude and it means a lot to me to do the same thing for people who have faced the same challenges I’ve faced.

Third, Ryan keeps his eyes focused on the inside.  “I learned early on that there is never just one decision point!  So, it is essential for me to spend a few moments at the beginning of every day to dig deep.  To remind myself that the strength to have a future with my wife and children is already within me!”

Finally, Ryan practices shielding.  “I don’t allow what people, those living on my outside, to alter who I am on the inside.  I know who is in my heart!”

That statement was our conversation’s capstone, Ryan’s life defining statement, the demonstration of his deep-dive-understanding that true power lies within.

“My choice was the culmination of many years of pain!”  Ryan Schwab said with his characteristic, steely gaze.

Sometimes It’s hard to know where internal determination comes from.  And, up to this moment, all I knew was that from the first instant I met Ryan, personal resolve radiated from him.  

Now, Ryan has taught you and me that we too can know that, what lies behind us and what lies in front of us, pales in comparison to what lies inside of us.

“I had always envisioned myself as being someone who would be able to offer help and refuge to many people.  Then my life took an unexpected turn.”  - Sarah Gwin

Truly Grand

It had been a great while since I’d seen my neighbor Sarah.  I knew she and her husband, Chris, were focusing their time caring for one of their children in particular.  But, that’s about all I knew.  That was about to change as soon as she spoke.

“I had always envisioned myself as being someone who would be able to offer help and refuge to many people.  Then my life took an unexpected turn.” Sarah said.

Sarah has always had a heart that couldn’t be held in check by her chest and as a result, has always had dreams of being able to share her love with many people.  It has been the focus of her life path since she was a child.  Chris shared her vision and they joined in walking that path together as soon as they started their family and had children.

“I wanted to provide service to others in a grand way.”  Sarah continued.  “Then we had a child born into our lives to teach us what it means to do something truly grand.” 

This natural teacher does not have the ability to communicate verbally through words.

“There are times of great quiet.  Then, there are times of great vocal outbursts.  But, there is always a bond and communication of love that is deeper than anything I had ever imagined.” Sarah explained.

She and Chris have been spending the past few years sharing and offering specialized care for their teacher-child.  One of them needs to be at home constantly.  That’s the reason I began to see one of these two at social events, they and I would normally attend together.  Sarah said that this unanticipated change has been hard for them.  And, most importantly, it has changed her understanding of what truly grand means.

“Our child has taught me that the grandest gesture a person can make is to offer refuge to another.” She said as her eyes shimmered as if filled with diamonds.

Each one of us has had, and will have times, when we are completely dependent on another person for love and care.  Yet somehow, we tend to forget that.  Luckily, if we take the time to listen to those making the truly grand happen around us right now, sometimes not always visible, we’ll remember the genuine significance of offering personal refuge.

So, even though it had been a great while since I’d seen my neighbor Sarah, I listened intently.  I knew she and her husband, Chris, were focusing their time caring for one of their children in particular.  But, that’s about all I knew.  That was all changed as Sarah taught me about the grandest gesture.

“I had always envisioned myself as being someone who would be able to offer help and refuge to many people.  Then my life took an unexpected turn.” Sarah said.  “Chris and I had a teacher-child born into our family and our child has taught me that the grandest gesture a person can make is to offer refuge to another.”

“I’ve been battling macular degeneration in my eyes.” – Jay Samak

Dot-to-Dot

“Have you talked with Jay recently?” Cad asked.

“I talked with him just a week, or so ago.”  I replied.

“Then you know he’s losing his vision?”  Cad followed.

“No!” I said in a tone of disbelief.  “I’ve been talking with him quite a bit and he’s never said a thing to me about that!”

Because of that brief conversation with Cad Cauley, shadowy laden memories began to drift into the forefront of my consciousness, like an abating fog.  Things that should have acted as clues, suddenly connected.  You know, like those dot-to-dot drawing puzzles? 

It all started during last year’s holiday season.  I would call and leave voice messages for Jay to get back to me.  It would be three or four days before he would call me back.  I began to worry.

When we did talk he explained it all away saying, “I’m on a family vacation for a few weeks.”

“Good for you!” I said to him with understanding in my heart.

Then, the holiday season ended.  But, the slow-to-return calls didn’t.  When I finally spoke with Jay again he explained it all away with, “I’ve sold my company.  It’s taking me a lot of time to get my office cleaned out.”

Again, I was happy for him.  Glad he was able to enjoy time with his family, as well as his ability to have time to do the things he loved to do.  Still, I could feel a little nagging in the back of my mind, telling me that things were not as they appeared. And while I was a little surprised by Cad’s revelation, I knew what he was telling me was right.  I was embarrassed as well.  Shamed that I hadn’t connected the dots on my own.  That’s when I made another call to my friend Jay.

“I heard a rumor.”  I started. “It’s my understanding that you’ve begun to lose your eyesight.”

“I’ve been battling macular degeneration in my eyes.” Jay responded back. “I lost my driver’s license a couple of months ago.  I can’t read very well.  I can’t even go anywhere without hiring a driver.”

My heart was breaking as I listened to him explain the huge changes and challenges he was facing.  To make matters worse, he was dealing with me, a visually challenged friend.  Someone who claimed to be his friend, yet couldn’t see clearly enough to recognize the needs of one of his own buddies.  I vowed to do better.

I listened as Jay told me of his upcoming trip to Boston, to consult with one of the world’s macular degeneration innovators.  How he was coordinating her care plan with that of a colleague in the Moran Eye Center in Salt Lake City.  He described his hopes and dreams of being able to obtain the help he needs to be able to see better again.  And, through it all, I was formulating my own care plan, a plan to enhance my own vision, related to being a better friend.

Perhaps one of the main differences between my lack of vision and that of my friend, is that Jay is experiencing a physical phenomenon.  Mine physical vision is just fine.  I’ve just been experiencing a temporary case of opaque-spot-removal; being blind to one who needs me.

Talking with Jay directly, about his medical condition, was the first step in clearing my friendship vision.  Now, I’m introducing supplements to my care plan.  Not vitamins for my body, but attentive care to add vitality and encouragement to our friendship.  You might say, I’m taking things one step at a time, to be there when my friend needs me.  Just as Cad is.

“Have you talked with Jay recently?” Cad asked.

“I talked with him just a week or so ago.”  I replied.

“Then you know he’s losing his vision?”  Cad followed.

“No!” I said in a tone of disbelief.  “I’ve been talking with him quite a bit and he’s never a thing to me about that!”

“I’m going to stop in to visit him at his house tonight!”  Cad continued.

That comment and visit were the first two clear dots.  The ones opening my eyes to others that will surely become visible as I look for them.  After all, it is very difficult to see what you aren’t looking for.  But the entire picture of how to best help a friend in need can become clearer by traveling together, from one dot to the next.

You know, like those dot-to-dot drawing puzzles?

“When we arrived in the home of our host, it was very small, welcoming, clean and free of clutter and filled with happiness!” – Lorraine Clark

The Bermejillo Principle

“Kristin was invited to speak at a conference for women in Bermejillo, Durango, Mexico.” Loraine said.

Bermejillo isn’t an easy place to get to.  There are no large international airports and one has to drive a bit, on small, two-lane highways to get there.  So, it took Loraine some planning effort to arrange for the two friends, Kristin Murdock and Lorraine Clark, to arrive in this isolated desert community.  But, it was worth the effort.

“When we arrived, we were invited into the home of our host.” Lorraine explained.  “It was a small home.  Yet, that isn’t what captured our attention as we walked through the front door.”

As soon as they entered the home, their eyes scanned from one side to the other, taking it all in.  It was neat as a pin, clutter free and filled with happiness.

Speaking of this inaugural experience, Lorraine said, “There was nothing out of order!  There was not one superfluous item!  Most importantly, it was filled with a sense of peace and contentment.”

Kristin followed with, “I never would have expected to have such a feeling of serenity in an unfamiliar setting!”

The setting wasn’t only unfamiliar because they were in a different country, meeting with a host they heretofore had never met.  There were also few familiar features contained within the house.  For example, the restroom was located outside of the main structure.

“But, we immediately sensed that those things didn’t matter!”  Lorraine said, right before she and Kristin began to provide greater illumination regarding their discovery of what mattered most.

“There was true joy radiating from the eyes of our host!”  Kristin explained.

Their host was not living in a mansion, or even a large house.  She didn’t have expensive furniture or the latest modern appliances.  But, what she did have was more valuable than any of those things.  She was happy!  She enjoyed what he had and maintained vigilant stewardship of it.

“Vigilant Stewardship took on a whole new meaning for me!”  Lorraine continued.  Then she went on to describe exactly what she had learned during this trip. “It isn’t necessary to have a large house.  It isn’t necessary to have a lot of things.  And, it isn’t necessary to live in luxury in order to live fully in happiness.”

“Live life without clutter!”  Kristin chimed in.  “As I spent time with our host I could see how having fewer belongings, was truly liberating.  It allowed our host to focus on building personal relationships above all else!”

“Yes!”  Lorraine agreed, “When we arrived in the modest home of our host it was welcoming, clean, free of clutter and filled with happiness!”

This same host had invited Kristin to speak at a conference for women in Bermejillo, Mexico.  She gave an inspiring presentation!  And, that invitation opened an unexpected door.  As soon as she and Lorraine entered that door, they recognized great joy in the eyes of a new friend. 

Those shared-eyes illuminate the way for all of us to discover a new-found appreciation for the foundational attributes that can create enhanced joy that may soon radiate from our own faces. They lead us toward a greater understanding of what vigilant stewardship is.  And, toward a new aspiration; to simplify our lives by focusing on personal adherence to the foundational values of the “Bermejillo Principle.”

Bermejillo isn’t necessarily an easy place for you and me to travel to.  But, Lorraine and Kristin have been there and they found something more than just a town or a place. They discovered something much more meaningful.  They learned the Bermejillo Principle; a pathway for living with more joy.

“A couple of months later, I had just been diagnosed with cancer, was emotionally drained and not feeling well physically, when at midnight, someone began pounding on my front door.” – Mike Stillo

Fueling Neighborly Friendship

“When I was living in Georgia a few years ago, the neighborhood in which I was living was filled with people.  Not neighbors.”  Mike said while talking with a group of his current neighbors.

His old neighborhood, especially one particular next-door-neighbor, was a place of constant disagreement.  

“My next-door-neighbor seemed to be in shouting matches and sometimes fights in his front yard every week!”  Mike said.  “I was having a difficult time in my own life at the time, so I thought, if I could concentrate on helping someone with more troubles than I had, my own difficulties would somehow feel less burdensome.” He explained, before conveying the story of what I call, “Mike’s Method” for sparking warmer personal relationships.

In order to spark a better relationship with his neighbor, Mike decided he’d make sure to be outside as much as possible during times when his difficult neighbor came home.  He rationalized, “I would simply be there when he drove up to his house.  That way I could just walk over and start a conversation with him in a natural way.  I did this for a couple of years.  And then, in an effort to be in a position to give myself more chances to talk to him whenever he came outside, I began to chop a lot of wood!”

After splitting logs, he purposely stacked the wood next to the fence he shared with his acquaintance, hoping it would act as fuel to create a friendship. He continued to split and stack wood this way, right up until the day his grandson, the boy Mike was raising, came running into their house.

“The neighbor is stealing our firewood!”  He said with exaggerated animation. “Are you going to go over and talk with him?”

“No.” Mike, always a teaching grandfather, calmly responded.  “Let’s go out right now and throw the wood over the fence, into his yard.  He probably needs it more than we do!”

As soon as they finished gifting the firewood, Mike and his grandson were expecting their efforts to spark a change in the man they were trying to befriend.  They thought their next-door-neighbor would come over and express his gratitude. Yet, when the spark they offered toward a brighter-burning friendship, through the tendered kindling, seemed to have been fully dampened, both Mike and his grandson were discouraged.  But, they needn’t have been.

Mike’s eyes filled with tears as he described what happened next.  “A couple of months later, I had just been diagnosed with cancer, was emotionally drained and not feeling well physically, when at midnight, someone began pounding on my front door.  I answered the banging and found my neighbor, fully distraught, standing in front of me.  He seemed to be a broken man as he said, ‘My mother is in the hospital!  I need someone to teach me how to pray!’”

That’s when Mike ushered his distressed neighbor into the full glow of friendship by inviting him in.  Unfortunately, not more than a couple of days later, Mike was admitted into a hospital himself, so doctors could treat his worsening disease.  When he returned home, his new friend and neighbor had moved.

“When I was living in Georgia a few years ago, the neighborhood in which I was living was filled with people.  Not neighbors.  That is, until I decided to spark a friendship with the man next door, through the gift of firewood.  In the end, we connected in a very deep and touching way.  I’ll never forget the night, when a once gruff man, came over to ask for help.  I was so glad to have been there for him then, when he needed a neighbor.  I can still feel the warmth of our connection to this day.”

Are you looking to spark warmer personal connections in your own life?  Then use “Mike’s Method” so you can feel the inner warmth fuel by the gifts you offer to your neighbors.